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I Binge and Purge

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 168 People

    Hate This

    I hate when I binge & purge! It started when I was in my early 20s & I would feel guilty for eating late night so I would throw it up. Now over 10 years later it's a mental battle that wins 90% of the time. Sometimes I go days without doing then some days I do it 2 3 4 times...
    Fpatty Fpatty 31-35, F Aug 23, 2012

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    I Did It Again:-( Can Someone Anyone Relate????

    I'm trying do hard to stop but when I do my anorexia comes back. that is way worse cause people can see. then if that doesn't come back my self harm gets so bad I end up in a and e every 5 secs cause I cut to deep then I'm there cause I'm throwing up blood or fainting and in the...
    pureevil1408 pureevil1408 13-15, F Jan 2, 2013

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    The Sequence..

    if i could see him i know what i would say..you took something away from me that i will never get back.im sorry i never forgave you for touching me.we both made decisions and yours affected me.i made decisions and they wont ever affect you.after you touched me i felt like i lost...
    ashamed9527 ashamed9527 16-17 Aug 29, 2011

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    First Time Ever

    today was the first time i ever stuck my fingers down my throat and puked. not a lot came out and i would have tried to get more out but because it was my first time i didnt really know what i was doing. i was shaking so hard afterwards because of all of the gagging and my...
    lost1234567 lost1234567 16-17, F Aug 2, 2013

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    Guess What I Just Ate..

    2 cookies 3 bowls of cereal 4 waffles some cottage cheese a plate of nachos salad crunchies? a microwaved smore.. and a couple glasses of milk to make the throwing up easier Oh but at least I passed on the pizza my coworker ordered at lunch??.. wtf is wrong with me?! Seriously...
    randomidiot randomidiot 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 23, 2013

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    I Just Did It Again.

    It's been a horrible cycle since I was ten. I am in recovery, and I'm trying to stop. But I just did it again. I binged on two sandwiches, four cookies, a can of soda, and a glass of milk. Then I purged until I literally couldn't breathe. It hurts, so much. I just want to stop...
    gorejussxpsycho gorejussxpsycho 22-25, F Oct 9, 2012

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    I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.

    I've been struggling with this for a long time, 3 years on and off. Every time I try and give it up I end up starting again. I binge at least 4 times a week, and not a single time goes by when I don't purge afterwards. I always feel disgusted once I've eaten too much, and I just...
    xWynterxBreakdownx xWynterxBreakdownx 13-15, F Jan 1, 2012

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    Purged For The First Time

    I binge quite a lot. I try to stop and go on diets but I can not stick to them for more than I week so I binge more and get fatter. Today I got sick of my binging so I purged for the first time. It was horrible but it made me feel better as I was glad that all that chocolate and...
    bluebluegirl bluebluegirl 18-21 5 Responses Jan 12, 2012

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    Bad Habit..

    I try not to binge and purge but I can't help it. I really can't. I wont eat, and then I get so hungry that I just stuff my face. And all I can do is just watch the weight pack on. I've only purged a few times this month which is good. I'm trying to stop because I know the...
    JessiZombies JessiZombies 18-21, F 1 Response May 2, 2011

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    Please Help Me, I Feel So Scared And Alone!

    Hi! It's such a long story to tell... This is the first time I have ever "told" anyone or explained my story. I am a 17 year old girl. I have no one else to tell and so I think you guys can help me. Everything started less than a year ago, I can't remember exactly when. I also...
    desperatesandy desperatesandy 16-17 Sep 28, 2012

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    Bulimia Help

    I am 15 and I am bulimic. I came to this website to talk to people who are going through the same thing as me and understand me so I can open up about my problems to people who I know wont give me a bad reaction, please message me x
    recoverymia recoverymia 16-17, F Feb 21, 2013

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    Urgh

    i dont know how much more i can take. of everything this has been arund the longest. and im scared.   earlier i had a pack of biscuits. i didnt even slow down long enough to remember to drink water the whole way through. after purging i was so dizzy, had the whole blurred...
    Tesse Tesse 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 19, 2008

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    I'm Helpless

    I used to binge and purge, now I started again after what it seems like 5 years. But the problem is that I also smoke now and I know it is even worst if you purge and then smoke. I'm afraid now of having throat or mouth or esophageal cancer, maybe stomach cancer is very...
    Cullien Cullien 18-21, F Jan 12, 2011

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    I have a confession. Im kind of an exercise

    bulimic. Thousands of calories in, thousands of calories out. I feel guilty if i dont work it back off, and i cant control the binges, but got damn eating sprees are fun. I dont want to stop. But PKEASE: do not get in the habit. Its not healthy.
    peaceinmiles peaceinmiles 18-21, F Jul 5

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    Trying To Stop, Or At Least Cut Down

    I've been b/p-ing for several years now, but recently it's increased in frequency. After several talks with a friend, and a sort of epiphany, I'm realizing I should stop. The thing is, it's at an addictive point. I try to avoid eating, by chew and spitting, then when I have to...
    feelingfoolishlame feelingfoolishlame 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 20, 2012

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    I'm Scared.

    i hate to look in the mirror again. i'm scared to start again because i don't want to loose the one i love. i am terrified for my parents to find out. but i just wish i could believe i was beautiful again. the sight of my body hurts. i look back at when i did it everyday...
    ashamed9527 ashamed9527 16-17 Feb 4, 2010

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    Crashing Happiness

    it's been about 7 months that i've been binging and purging. it seems like the only way to keep me from hating my body even more. i used to be anorexic, but i had to be taken to doctors and put on a special diet routine to help try to get better. i started eating more, but after...
    waitingforhope waitingforhope 16-17, F 3 Responses Aug 23, 2010

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    Anorexia

    I just binged and it hurts really bad because my stomach is so small from not eating. I can't throw up, which would bring relief, because I don't want my family to get suspicious
    CourtneyRose001 CourtneyRose001 16-17, F Jan 2, 2013

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    Casting Tv Documentary Series

    NOW CASTING - I'm casting for a major cable network and we're looking for someone (between the ages of 15-22) who is struggling with an obsession to share their story on non-exploitative, documentary-style television show. Each episode will share personal stories and may provide...
    Chicfortv Chicfortv 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 16, 2013

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    Bulimia. Day 4:

    today I only ate fries and pickles for lunch Bo breakfast and sonic for supper, but for supper I planned on going out eating the biggest burger getting home and purging but since my mom gas been cathibg up on it she has been looking at my history fir my from I was on online...
    Iwannabe87 Iwannabe87 13-15, F Apr 28, 2011

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    I Thought I Was

    fingers down my throut. I had already purged twice. i was just hoping i could once more. i started squirting out blood. my nose was bleeding but i still felt good. Nose bleed last about 2minutes. and i knew i should probably stop for now. tomorrows a new day as i always say.
    ashamed9527 ashamed9527 16-17 Aug 16, 2009

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    Binge Over 20,000 Calories, Purge Over 100 Times A Day.

    I use food as an escape from reality. I'm locked away in my own little world, and no one can get to me when I'm there. When I'm eating, my thoughts are all on food, and it's better then thinking about anything else... But of course, I can't get 'fat'. So I purge. In a way, the...
    LittleMonster1011 LittleMonster1011 16-17, F 2 Responses Feb 12, 2012

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    Thats the problem! I love food too much

    but i want to be skinny and have hipbones im such disgusting trash, so today i ate 3 doughnut and i puked them up and so far im not feeling hungry
    Ryannvalentine Ryannvalentine 18-21, T 2 Responses Feb 12

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    Ashamed But Proud

    Sometimes just looking at my body hurts. I'm done looking at myself. I can tell I've lost what i used to have. Everyone around me looks so great, but than i look at myself and can't realize whats wrong with me. I am so done with it. The first time I made myself throw up, it was...
    ashamed9527 ashamed9527 16-17 2 Responses Aug 15, 2009

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    Love Hate Relationship

    Okay here's my story I suppose, I'm 18 years old I've been binging and purging for about 7 or 8 years on and off, it kinda went out of control my sophomore and junior year of highschool. I was told I was over weight so I started to exercise a lot and I would get hungry and I...
    Miame321 Miame321 18-21, F Oct 24, 2012

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    Lost Control

    They say purging is more of a control thing. Maybe that's how it started for me. It seemed foolproof. When you break your fast; purge it up. When you're too lazy to exercise; purge. Ate too much? Purge it up. Is it a control thing? Because it's triggering. This EDNOS.. it's...
    FibreglassWings FibreglassWings 22-25, F Nov 28, 2012

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    I Need To Be Thin

    I feel reallyyyyyy bad harming my body system.. But only in this way do I feel good about it.. I skip meals and only constraint myself to 1 meal per day (eg. Cereals, soup noodles etc..) however, I will feel hungry again and start looking for food.. It takes me 30 mins just to...
    Ineedtobethin Ineedtobethin 18-21 1 Response Mar 22, 2011

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    Went through a terrible cycle today idk what's

    wrong w me. You might call me disgusting but my thoughts are taking over me, I can't control myself anymore. I want to gain weight bcos I sometimes find myself so disgusting when people tell me I've lost weight bcos they have no idea how I lost it. I feel disgusted in my own...
    ELSAhugsyou ELSAhugsyou 18-21, F Apr 5

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    I Don't Want It To Stop.

    It makes me laugh when people tell me I can stop whenever.They act like this isn't part of me.They act like something could replace the feeling I get.Collin is here but still gone.I don't know what I'm doing.I want to tell him everything, but know I will scare him away.He will...
    ashamed9527 ashamed9527 16-17 1 Response Oct 19, 2011

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    My Horror Story

    I'm only 14 and have been stuck in this cycle for 3 years and can't stop, I have ended up in hospital cause of it no one will see me cause they believe it is self inflicted and is all my fault!!! well one day I went to far I still had food in me and it just wouldn't come out!!! I...
    pureevil1408 pureevil1408 13-15, F 1 Response Oct 27, 2012

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    All To Often

    I binge Purge at least 4x a week, usually more. It's disgusting and shameful.
    2bperfect 2bperfect 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 8, 2013

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    Yep... :(

    Usually, I have it under control, but sometimes.... this monster comes out of hiding. I go out and buy whatever's on my mind, from a commercial, or an ad, or a menu, then come back home, and flush it down the toilet. I don't do it as frequently as I used to, but I can say I've...
    Infinite9 Infinite9 70+, F 1 Response Jun 17, 2011

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    The First Time...

    I remember the first time... The calls of them all. They all called me "fat" "hippo" and other terrible names. All about my weight. When I got home, I waited for my family to leave the house. Then I went to the bathroom, arched myself over the toilet seat, and took a deep...
    8DeathTheKid8 8DeathTheKid8 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 19, 2012

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    Day 8

    Ok so I'm officially a week in! I weighed myself today and I'm 9 st 3lbs I'm not exactly sure what my starting weight was, but I think I've lost 2/3 lbs in a week! Ok so I had a cheat day today and I'm not feeling great:-( For breakfast I had an elevenses nutri-grain bar For...
    Sarahoc Sarahoc 18-21, F Oct 3, 2013

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    I do binge a lot, but the purging is

    problematic. I don't know if I'm bulimic, all I know is I want to be as skinny as possible but I LOVE EATING so much and I'm just a lazy couch potato. I wish I could throw up easily, unfortunately I have almost no gag reflex. I just went grocery shopping and bought the food I...
    emmacla emmacla 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 26

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    It Always Comes Back

    it seems like it will never stop. I decided i wanted a gap between my thighs, i wasn't overweight, i just wanted the gap. so i tried to skip meals and do exercise, but that actually started getting me really anxious and i started eating a lot and before i noticed i was a binge...
    illbethin illbethin 16-17, F Nov 14, 2012

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    Binge/Purge

    i have been barely eating for quite some time now, also going to the gym lots, running for miles and lifting lots of weights. I felt so guilty three weeks ago for having a large meal that Iforced myself to throw it all up. Now I cant stop myself from purging everything. I know...
    louiseel louiseel 31-35, F Sep 28, 2013

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    Instead of Crying

    The tears well up but get stuck at the back of my throat. The nervous stomach is nauseous already.  I could do without dinner but eat it anyway so as not to create undue concern. I then instantly feel full, sick, dirty, awful, heavy And I need cleansed...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Nov 20, 2008

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    There Goes My Lunch....

    Been thinking about how fat I am and how much I hate my body. At first I stopped eating.. but then I would get so hungry I would just binge on a bunch of food and lay in bed feeling horrible for eating.. then one day.. I realized I could puke it all out and I wouldn't be taking...
    JessiZombies JessiZombies 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 10, 2011

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    Finally

    after3 months, i finally can do it again. i think about it all of the time. but never have time anymore. someone is always home. it frustrates me. I got told i lost weight. i was happy. but i wasnt throwing up. until today. i got home from volleyball and ate dinner waited til my...
    ashamed9527 ashamed9527 16-17 Oct 28, 2009

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    It'S My Own Form Of A Drug

    so i grew up in a screwed up home with a heroin addict as a father who mentally abused and manipulated me everyday. so i hear i naturally have an addictive personality. okay, so i figure this doesnt mean much because i will never do drugs. and i don't. but i hated my body so much...
    dyingangel47 dyingangel47 18-21 May 1, 2013

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    Seven Months

    seven months today. i didnt realize it til now. its been seven months since i last did it. im proud of myself. but its still hard. i cant wait to never struggle with this again. hopefully that day will come.
    ashamed9527 ashamed9527 16-17 5 Responses May 28, 2010

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    I Hate It, It's Hell.

    It started out as a quick weight loss idea. stupidest thing I've done. It quickly became an emotional release. Now when I'm upset, binging and purging is my comfort.
    shanbuh shanbuh 18-21 Feb 10, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Nobody wakes up and decides to be a binge eater. Nobody would love to be addicted to food. Nobody wants such a horrible attitude towards food. Nobody wants to stuff their face with...
    mammamia23 mammamia23 16-17, F Oct 12

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    I'm admitting now I have cross dressed in the past and purged in fear of getting caught my last purge was when I had lost my job and pretty much lost every thing in my life house...
    jkkarl jkkarl 51-55 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I am 18 years old and used to be anorexic and got down to a BMI of 12.6. My psychiatrist threatened to hospitalize me, so I started eating. Within a few days, it got completely out...
    Lamnaditropis Lamnaditropis 18-21, F Oct 1

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    I've been taking a class in my college that recently the topic of eating disorders came up. Now at first I felt like staying out of the conversation because I couldn't figure out...
    cookii cookii 18-21, F Oct 9

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    I just purged this time.. I don't know how much more I'm gonna be doing this but I hope it will be the last.. It surely won't be the last anyway. I don't feel any guilt for doing...
    PureLies PureLies 13-15, F 1 Response a week ago

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    Binge eating chocolate in bed. I feel so guilty, but can't stop.
    sbarry5 sbarry5 22-25, F Oct 15

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    I've finally kind of gotten control of my bingeing and am starting to starve again, but in the middle of my four day fast i started to feel really dizzy and weak so i ate food...
    AliceInHungerland AliceInHungerland 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 15

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    Ugh I binged all weekend I hate this feeling!
    goawaymia goawaymia 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    I've stopped purging, I used to buy the cheapest things online and throw them away in guilt or because I think they'll be found a couple days or weeks later, but I'm starting to...
    claire18mg claire18mg 18-21, T Sep 29

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