I Can't Let Go of the Past

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 436 People

    This might be long for some

    so just bear with me. My life has sucked for most of it. I know now as an adult I have to make my own decisions and get myself out of this hell hole, but I can't let the past go. See, I was emotionally and physically abused. At a very young age I was told that I was ugly...
    Drake3030 Drake3030
    26-30, M
    Aug 9, 2015

    My Little Girl...

    I had a dream last night that I gave birth. I didn't know I was pregnant. She was premature and abnormally small, but was perfectly healthy. I named her Starburst, and she was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. She grew very quickly, but was happy, and loved me. At first I...
    imgettingthere imgettingthere
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 7, 2011

    I'm Trying

    I want the past to be the past. I want it to stay where it is. I want it not to matter.
    Ragelovelumos Ragelovelumos
    18-21, F
    Oct 23, 2012

    It Is Like Yesterday

    I seldom looked back during my working life -- I was too busy. Now I am semiretired and have more time and my memories are like yesterday. I remember evrything about my wife and our going out together , to her dismay. She had things to hide but I remember them well. I...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 28, 2012

    Something That Was Never Meant to Be...

    okay, i usually don't do this sort of thing. Here it goes. When i was younger(alot younger) i fell madly in love with a man that was older(alot older) than myself. It was heaven while it lasted and i've never felt that way with anyone else, even after twelve years. Anyways, here...
    gingy gingy
    26-30
    4 Responses Jul 3, 2008

    Looks Like Another Long Night

    So, it's been a while since I've been on here. I took a sabbatical to clear my mind...even started doing better. My new found peace was rather short lived as I had a letter from someone I loved dearly a long time ago waiting for me. I wish I would've had the strength to leave...
    johnsb78 johnsb78
    31-35, M
    May 28, 2013

    It's 1 hour before midnight

    and I'm lying in the dark on a bed that I share with my current boyfriend, crying and missing the guy who left me to go on exchange last year. I didn't love him. I don't. But what we had was sweet and when times are hard, like now, it seems sweeter and it makes me miss him more...
    ashcrnd ashcrnd
    22-25, F
    Jul 5, 2014

    Can't Let Any Memory Go

    I'm 21 .. And I relive memories in my head almost every day , there not bad memories just every memory I can think of , it's hard to explain, it's like I get very down and depressed when I relive them in my head , like I feel only I have them and I am stuck in the past in my head...
    Chris3470 Chris3470
    18-21
    1 Response Jan 23, 2013

    Still Causing Pain

    I'm trying very hard not to let the abuse I suffer at the hands of my ex-boyfriend define who I am NOW, but it would also be wrong of me to say it does not. I don't know where I was or even what I did to invite him to start stocking me... I'm trying to grow and change so why can...
    CMA1234 CMA1234
    46-50, F
    Jan 10, 2013

    Bad Dreams

    We woke up at 3:30 am. Her diving coach came in and gave her a pep talk for the meet in a few hours and thanked me for being supportive.  I told her she isn't to see him any more.  She doesn't like that and we get into a huge fight and she leaves.  Gone.  And I'm left...
    TheChaos TheChaos
    36-40, M
    Sep 18, 2013

    Lies

    I used to lie to people and myself about what happened to me because of the shamess, guilt and fears. Even though I pretended that everything was going okay and that I was feeling normal, deep down I was aware that I lived and made people live in lies. It took me a very long time...
    SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 4, 2012

    I Feel Like It Follows And Will Never Go Away :(

    Well all i can say is i hope these messages to her change this but i have to say i have a hard time letting go of someone i was with for 15 months engaged the whole nine yards everything looked great till it crumbled. my life came to a rather abrupt halt when she not only broke...
    C11H26NO2PS C11H26NO2PS
    18-21, M
    Mar 6, 2010

    My past just won't go away.

    I think it's due to thinking about what happened when I was growing up. I am just working on writing the story of my life. So all these questions that I found on a website about my life have given me a reason to look back. Right now I am writing about my early school days which...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Nov 6, 2014

    The Monsters In the Rear View Mirror

    I am plagued by memories I wish I could forget.  Stupid choices going back to childhood, and painful events in my past that still affect how I feel about myself and those around me.  Sometimes I wish I could get amnesia, and forget everything.  I can remember...
    rustyhalo rustyhalo
    41-45
    3 Responses Jun 8, 2009

    Though I Desperately Need To..

    Its probably my biggest obstacle. I don't know why I punish myself so much for the stupidest little things that happened so long ago. I still hang on to comments that were said to me when I was a small child. But most prevalent of them all, is the fact that I can't ever stand up...
    NatureGirl23 NatureGirl23
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Jul 23, 2008

    Kimbra's "withdraw" Says It All..

    no matter how important it was or how long ago it happened, i can't let go of ANYTHING that happened in the past. contasntly replaying memories and reliving them as if they're happening again and again. sometimes, even responding to them out loud, either repeating what i said or...
    matiswest matiswest
    18-21, M
    1 Response Nov 18, 2012

    I Feel Like I'm Dying Inside I Feel Like I'm Dying Inside

    I don't want to get in to the marriage that's in the past, But I have children with this man so I am forever bound to him, About a month ago I was concerned about affording back to school clothing so I called their Father to ask for some financial help and that's where I messed...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Sep 14, 2013

    I Can't Let Go.

    About a year ago, a guy started talking to me and then a few months later, my best friend as well. We didn't really think much of it until we realized we both had feelings for him. I'd liked him to begin with (she knew that) but it wasn't long before he decided I wasn't good...
    Nicoletaylor12 Nicoletaylor12
    16-17, F
    Oct 28, 2012

    The Universe

    Points us in the directions we can go.. we decide what paths we take.. why does mine keep going back.. without the past experiences I wouldn't be who I am today... and I can embrace the mistakes and the good times too.. but the one thing I cannot do is get myself out of the...
    ticktockgoestheclock ticktockgoestheclock
    31-35, F
    Jul 2, 2013

    I was raped and now feel scared all the time,

    no matter where I go that it will happen again. It doesn't matter where I am or who I am with, I feel like it'll happen again and I don't think I can handle it again. Am I the only one that feels like this?? I hate feeling like this.
    AlanaLlama AlanaLlama
    22-25, F
    Oct 28, 2014

    My Past Haunts Me

    I find it hard to really close the door on the child abuse I went through - I know I obsess over it...people try to help with bullying and that is not the answer for me. A radio friend told me there is nothing wrong with re-inventing yourself... well I wish I could and maybe I...
    czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Jun 11, 2011

    I'm one of those people

    who strongly believe that if they want something hard enough, they can get it. However, at the same time I realize I'm not like that at all. Sometimes, in small things - sure. But I find myself still thinking about the same guy every day for the 6th year now and regretting the...
    LadyCinephile LadyCinephile
    26-30, F
    1 Response Apr 18, 2014

    It Might Sound Stupid To You....

    I'm 13 years old. I don't think I was ever "in love", I'm not that neive. But, I have had someone in my life that I truely cared about with everything in me. Thats a fact. I went out with this boy(lets call him Jim) in 6th grade. It wasn't this stupid "I like you." "I like...
    Whocares1214 Whocares1214
    13-15, F
    May 3, 2010

    Okay so I have been friends with this girl

    for like 6 years. Last week we slept together and I'm not sure if it meant anything we were both quite drunk but it really felt special to me I really want her again and I have no idea how to tell her and the experience just keeps going around in my head I don't know what to do...
    lozsoz1 lozsoz1
    18-21, F
    Jul 5, 2014

    When I was in year nine,

    I had my first real boyfriend. We were both young, then I ended it for being an idiot. He was just asking if I was ok and I took it the wrong way. I'm now in year 12, and I really like this guy again. He is really nice to me, we flirt a lot, I always apologise for my past with...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Apr 17, 2015

    It Always Comes Back

    I remember nearly all of the little tiny mistakes that I have made, and almost all the things that bullies used to do to me. Silly stupid things such as showing to much vulnerability at one point, a bully pushing me down, or being too bossy at one point. My memory just mocks me...
    Katryan Katryan
    22-25, F
    Jun 10, 2013

    It will always be a part of me

    and I'll always love him, whether it's the way I'm suppose to or not. He's always going to be a part of my life and I am trying to let go of everything but it's just too had to.
    Raiders17 Raiders17
    22-25, F
    Jun 17, 2014

    A Decade and Counting

      What are you looking for? Like countless others, all I seek is a molecule shaking love that redefines everything. Simple, right? (I kid.) Unfortunately or fortunately, depending upon the song heard or poet read, I have been there, once.  And that memory...
    FingerRiot FingerRiot
    36-40, M
    1 Response Aug 26, 2009

    I experienced a school tragedy at the age of 9.

    I watched my family fall apart from my Dad's drinking and my Mother's Bipolar. I feel like I have mental illness like her. I'm a repeating record on my issues so no one wants to hear them from me anymore. I can't afford to go to the doctor so I'm stuck with these thoughts in my...
    ChelsEli ChelsEli
    26-30, F
    1 Response May 27, 2014

    My Life Is Stuck

    it's almost 3am and again i can't sleep i think too much, and it especially seems to hit me when i go to bed, even if i have thought i was tired i spend a lot of time thinking/dwelling on my past and therefore it is still affecting my life, even though i should have moved on long...
    fremantle fremantle
    36-40, F
    6 Responses Mar 18, 2011

    Poem Of Not Letting Go........

    I can't let go of the past, I still can't believe I let you drive away, I can't believe you slipped through my fingers. I should have ran after you, I should have said sorry, but I was too proud, now I'm all alone, you're back in town. You still have that sweetness in your eyes...
    mysteryteen mysteryteen
    18-21, F
    Aug 29, 2011

    Related Experiences

    Well, it's been a lovely time floating through Experience Project. I'd like to thank my few friends, the intelligent peeps, the fakers, the short-tempered, the perverts, etc. You...
    SlipperyHawk SlipperyHawk
    13-15, M
    a week ago
    We were having lunch at a picnic table with the rest of the office. We were laughing and having fun.Then you said you had to go, “Thanks for the lunch, it was fun. Let&rsquo...
    CatcherInTheRai CatcherInTheRai
    26-30, F
    a week ago
    Everything today just past me like nothing. I haven't been able to take in anything. Music just passes through me like it came and went away without any meaning to me. I don't...
    uilesd uilesd
    16-17, M
    a week ago
    I hate calling him Dad because there's a difference in being a father and being a dad; He definitely ain't my dad. It just ****** me off when I clean up after him and he goes to my...
    Stormeyes Stormeyes
    18-21, F
    Apr 20
    Get this song out of my head. Grisi variation. I have to learn it and now I'm going to dream about that variation I swear. I also can't remind you after EP closes to positively...
    FieryWolf FieryWolf
    16-17, F
    Apr 19
    I'm trying to write this paper but I can't!! I'm so tired I'm Layin in bed. I can't focus
    Flowerpower5678 Flowerpower5678
    22-25, F
    1 Response Apr 19
    Racists and haters are a part of the reason why I hate humanity for I will not be a part of a society that bases everything on hate and selfishness. I refuse it this world is full...
    SladeBolinLeaderofEp SladeBolinLeaderofEp
    18-21, M
    1 Response Apr 19
    I can't stop thinking about you so I will indulge myself and remember everything without trying to shut it out. I don't know what tomorrow brings but tonight I celebrate memories.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Apr 19
    I like this girl in my tech school but I can't tell her because she wouldn't care. She talks to a lot of guys and craziest part is we have a snapchat and we had a great convo on...
    YourSecretAdmire22 YourSecretAdmire22
    22-25, M
    1 Response Apr 18
    My sleepy but I can't sleep!!!!!!!!! Someone talk to me I'm a nice person
    Ilovepigs089 Ilovepigs089
    13-15, F
    1 Response Apr 18
    My sleepy but I can't sleep!!!!!!!!! Someone talk to me I'm a nice person
    Ilovepigs089 Ilovepigs089
    13-15, F
    Apr 18
    I am afraid that I have been ruined forever. I have never loved anyone more. I thought he felt the same, even though he proved to me over and over again just how little I rate in...
    solost17 solost17
    41-45, F
    1 Response Apr 17
    its odd how it happens. you open up to people. you trust, you care and they care too. but then it happens. you realize you start holding back because you dont care to cause pain...
    ArnoldJRimmer ArnoldJRimmer
    46-50, M
    Apr 17
    I just wanted to write my good-bye before the closing. EP, has helped me up when I've felt down and connected me with caring people. I've made a lot of friends in just over a year...
    Benny412 Benny412
    31-35, M
    1 Response Apr 16
    When you know you should let go and move on... How do you keep yourself busy? How do you find that drive to get up and move forward? How do you stop comparing yourself to what is...
    ITmonkey ITmonkey
    31-35, M
    Apr 16
    I honestly have been feeling like I want to cry lately... except that I can't. As in I physically can't. The tears don't come. At most a few tears come out but I need a really...
    VioletVivid VioletVivid
    26-30
    2 Responses Apr 15
    Why do I care so much for a man that's not mine. When I know that I shouldn't. My heart always speaks of you, when it should be silent. It needs to learn to let go of the things it...
    lisamarie829 lisamarie829
    26-30, F
    1 Response Apr 15
    I already got a sleep disorder I can't be without sleep now for hours because some one is snoring **** me off because I had a family member sleep Over on my room omg I couldn't...
    LucidxxShivery LucidxxShivery
    26-30, F
    Apr 14
    I struggle day to day to not do it. I would go to my family, but I know what theyre gonna say. I would go to my friends, but I don't want to bother them, they might have more...
    CrazyfatCatLady CrazyfatCatLady
    18-21, F
    Apr 14
    Can't understand myself. Don't know what to do!
    starnulf starnulf
    16-17, F
    Apr 13
    I am alone with nobody in my life who I can trust. I'm scared to live but scared to die. I don't want to live, but I don't want to cause my family that pain. or maybe it's just...
    Desperate10 Desperate10
    22-25, F
    Apr 13
    My whole life I have always been very slim and never had to worry about putting weight on. I never dieted and didn't do any formal exercise. These past few months however things...
    Pixiepickle89 Pixiepickle89
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Apr 12
    My feelings are so messy.I can't handle things day to day anymore.I am trying to cope but my heart and mind are fighting.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Apr 12
    Why do I always go through this. You know when you really care about someone and they mean everything to you. Those people who impact your life unexpectedly. I fell in love with...
    Thelostsoulslasthope Thelostsoulslasthope
    13-15, F
    Apr 12
    I feel like I am right back to where I was a few years ago... hating myself, wanting to cut or burn myself and to drink it all away. Wanting to close back up and never let anyone...
    KeKeNae KeKeNae
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 12
    I was a young, intelligent, motivated kid growing up aspiring to become a Computer Engineer. But as time passed, problems rose between my parents turning into dark days. I've been...
    SoulMadness SoulMadness
    18-21, M
    1 Response Apr 12
    How can I stop worrying and ruminating about past mistakes? Also how can I not care when people don't accept me?
    bettyboop777 bettyboop777
    36-40, F
    Apr 11
    Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Lights off Days lost Crying on my bed Heart beats slowly I'm tryna clear my head but I ain't talking I'm not even...
    stephanie751 stephanie751
    13-15, F
    Apr 10
    I can't even explain why I'm sad. When I'm alone my mood instantly changes and I get sad for no reason. Sometime I have an urge to feel sad and I can't explain why.... am I the...
    EkuV EkuV
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 10
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