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I Can't Let Go of the Past

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 431 People

    I'm Trying

    I want the past to be the past. I want it to stay where it is. I want it not to matter.
    Ragelovelumos Ragelovelumos 18-21, F Oct 23, 2012

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    The Monsters In the Rear View Mirror

    I am plagued by memories I wish I could forget.  Stupid choices going back to childhood, and painful events in my past that still affect how I feel about myself and those around me.  Sometimes I wish I could get amnesia, and forget everything.  I can remember...
    rustyhalo rustyhalo 41-45 3 Responses Jun 8, 2009

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    My Little Girl...

    I had a dream last night that I gave birth. I didn't know I was pregnant. She was premature and abnormally small, but was perfectly healthy. I named her Starburst, and she was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. She grew very quickly, but was happy, and loved me. At first I...
    imgettingthere imgettingthere 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2011

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    Okay so I have been friends with this girl

    for like 6 years. Last week we slept together and I'm not sure if it meant anything we were both quite drunk but it really felt special to me I really want her again and I have no idea how to tell her and the experience just keeps going around in my head I don't know what to do...
    lozsoz1 lozsoz1 18-21, F Jul 5, 2014

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    My Past Haunts Me

    I find it hard to really close the door on the child abuse I went through - I know I obsess over it...people try to help with bullying and that is not the answer for me. A radio friend told me there is nothing wrong with re-inventing yourself... well I wish I could and maybe I...
    czaristacrystals czaristacrystals 36-40, F 2 Responses Jun 11, 2011

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    Still Causing Pain

    I'm trying very hard not to let the abuse I suffer at the hands of my ex-boyfriend define who I am NOW, but it would also be wrong of me to say it does not. I don't know where I was or even what I did to invite him to start stocking me... I'm trying to grow and change so why can...
    CMA1234 CMA1234 46-50, F Jan 10, 2013

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    I Can't Let Go.

    About a year ago, a guy started talking to me and then a few months later, my best friend as well. We didn't really think much of it until we realized we both had feelings for him. I'd liked him to begin with (she knew that) but it wasn't long before he decided I wasn't good...
    Nicoletaylor12 Nicoletaylor12 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 28, 2012

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    The Universe

    Points us in the directions we can go.. we decide what paths we take.. why does mine keep going back.. without the past experiences I wouldn't be who I am today... and I can embrace the mistakes and the good times too.. but the one thing I cannot do is get myself out of the...
    ticktockgoestheclock ticktockgoestheclock 26-30, F Jul 2, 2013

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    Bad Dreams

    We woke up at 3:30 am. Her diving coach came in and gave her a pep talk for the meet in a few hours and thanked me for being supportive.  I told her she isn't to see him any more.  She doesn't like that and we get into a huge fight and she leaves.  Gone.  And I'm left...
    TheChaos TheChaos 36-40, M Sep 18, 2013

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    It Might Sound Stupid To You....

    I'm 13 years old. I don't think I was ever "in love", I'm not that neive. But, I have had someone in my life that I truely cared about with everything in me. Thats a fact. I went out with this boy(lets call him Jim) in 6th grade. It wasn't this stupid "I like you." "I like...
    Whocares1214 Whocares1214 13-15, F May 3, 2010

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    My past just won't go away.

    I think it's due to thinking about what happened when I was growing up. I am just working on writing the story of my life. So all these questions that I found on a website about my life have given me a reason to look back. Right now I am writing about my early school days which...
    Sara600 Sara600 56-60, F Nov 6, 2014

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    A Decade and Counting

      What are you looking for? Like countless others, all I seek is a molecule shaking love that redefines everything. Simple, right? (I kid.) Unfortunately or fortunately, depending upon the song heard or poet read, I have been there, once.  And that memory...
    FingerRiot FingerRiot 36-40, M 1 Response Aug 26, 2009

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    Poem Of Not Letting Go........

    I can't let go of the past, I still can't believe I let you drive away, I can't believe you slipped through my fingers. I should have ran after you, I should have said sorry, but I was too proud, now I'm all alone, you're back in town. You still have that sweetness in your eyes...
    mysteryteen mysteryteen 18-21, F Aug 29, 2011

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    I was raped and now feel scared all the time,

    no matter where I go that it will happen again. It doesn't matter where I am or who I am with, I feel like it'll happen again and I don't think I can handle it again. Am I the only one that feels like this?? I hate feeling like this.
    AlanaLlama AlanaLlama 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 28, 2014

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    It will always be a part of me

    and I'll always love him, whether it's the way I'm suppose to or not. He's always going to be a part of my life and I am trying to let go of everything but it's just too had to.
    Raiders17 Raiders17 18-21, F Jun 17, 2014

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    It Always Comes Back

    I remember nearly all of the little tiny mistakes that I have made, and almost all the things that bullies used to do to me. Silly stupid things such as showing to much vulnerability at one point, a bully pushing me down, or being too bossy at one point. My memory just mocks me...
    Katryan Katryan 18-21, F Jun 10, 2013

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    Something That Was Never Meant to Be...

    okay, i usually don't do this sort of thing. Here it goes. When i was younger(alot younger) i fell madly in love with a man that was older(alot older) than myself. It was heaven while it lasted and i've never felt that way with anyone else, even after twelve years. Anyways, here...
    gingy gingy 26-30 4 Responses Jul 3, 2008

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    Though I Desperately Need To..

    Its probably my biggest obstacle. I don't know why I punish myself so much for the stupidest little things that happened so long ago. I still hang on to comments that were said to me when I was a small child. But most prevalent of them all, is the fact that I can't ever stand up...
    NatureGirl23 NatureGirl23 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 23, 2008

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    I Feel Like It Follows And Will Never Go Away :(

    Well all i can say is i hope these messages to her change this but i have to say i have a hard time letting go of someone i was with for 15 months engaged the whole nine yards everything looked great till it crumbled. my life came to a rather abrupt halt when she not only broke...
    C11H26NO2PS C11H26NO2PS 18-21, M Mar 6, 2010

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    I Feel Like I'm Dying Inside I Feel Like I'm Dying Inside

    I don't want to get in to the marriage that's in the past, But I have children with this man so I am forever bound to him, About a month ago I was concerned about affording back to school clothing so I called their Father to ask for some financial help and that's where I messed...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Sep 14, 2013

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    When I was in year nine,

    I had my first real boyfriend. We were both young, then I ended it for being an idiot. He was just asking if I was ok and I took it the wrong way. I'm now in year 12, and I really like this guy again. He is really nice to me, we flirt a lot, I always apologise for my past with...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Apr 17

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    Looks Like Another Long Night

    So, it's been a while since I've been on here. I took a sabbatical to clear my mind...even started doing better. My new found peace was rather short lived as I had a letter from someone I loved dearly a long time ago waiting for me. I wish I would've had the strength to leave...
    johnsb78 johnsb78 31-35, M May 28, 2013

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    I'm one of those people

    who strongly believe that if they want something hard enough, they can get it. However, at the same time I realize I'm not like that at all. Sometimes, in small things - sure. But I find myself still thinking about the same guy every day for the 6th year now and regretting the...
    LadyCinephile LadyCinephile 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2014

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    Kimbra's "withdraw" Says It All..

    no matter how important it was or how long ago it happened, i can't let go of ANYTHING that happened in the past. contasntly replaying memories and reliving them as if they're happening again and again. sometimes, even responding to them out loud, either repeating what i said or...
    matiswest matiswest 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 18, 2012

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    I experienced a school tragedy at the age of 9.

    I watched my family fall apart from my Dad's drinking and my Mother's Bipolar. I feel like I have mental illness like her. I'm a repeating record on my issues so no one wants to hear them from me anymore. I can't afford to go to the doctor so I'm stuck with these thoughts in my...
    ChelsEli ChelsEli 26-30, F 1 Response May 27, 2014

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    It Is Like Yesterday

    I seldom looked back during my working life -- I was too busy. Now I am semiretired and have more time and my memories are like yesterday. I remember evrything about my wife and our going out together , to her dismay. She had things to hide but I remember them well. I...
    anthony2001 anthony2001 61-65, M Mar 28, 2012

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    My Life Is Stuck

    it's almost 3am and again i can't sleep i think too much, and it especially seems to hit me when i go to bed, even if i have thought i was tired i spend a lot of time thinking/dwelling on my past and therefore it is still affecting my life, even though i should have moved on long...
    fremantle fremantle 36-40, F 6 Responses Mar 18, 2011

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    Can't Let Any Memory Go

    I'm 21 .. And I relive memories in my head almost every day , there not bad memories just every memory I can think of , it's hard to explain, it's like I get very down and depressed when I relive them in my head , like I feel only I have them and I am stuck in the past in my head...
    Chris3470 Chris3470 18-21 1 Response Jan 23, 2013

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    Lies

    I used to lie to people and myself about what happened to me because of the shamess, guilt and fears. Even though I pretended that everything was going okay and that I was feeling normal, deep down I was aware that I lived and made people live in lies. It took me a very long time...
    SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 4, 2012

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    It's 1 hour before midnight

    and I'm lying in the dark on a bed that I share with my current boyfriend, crying and missing the guy who left me to go on exchange last year. I didn't love him. I don't. But what we had was sweet and when times are hard, like now, it seems sweeter and it makes me miss him more...
    ashcrnd ashcrnd 22-25, F Jul 5, 2014

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    One moment I'm all good and seemingly content, seeing what it seems like revelations and vivid understanding but then this one comes around. The clouds and swirls of the F-ing fear...
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    idk what's wrong with me...... I can't sleep. I barely eat anymore and all I do is think most of the time I don't even understand what I'm thinking about all ik is that it hurts...
    cjayy19 cjayy19 13-15, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Many years ago now I went to an event and met someone there who I felt was pretty interesting. He was a poet and artist so we exchanged info and have kept in touch sort of through...
    LaGentilleDame LaGentilleDame 31-35, F 2 days ago

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    For the past few months, all I've been doing is eating out with my friends, and when I'm not eating out I don't eat very healthy. So recently I've realized that I can't see my...
    rubberduxk rubberduxk 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    i do realize that i may not capitalize my letters all of the time and may not always have perfect spelling, but i can't take anyone seriously when you type like you've never spoken...
    vraag vraag 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    As much as I want to, I just can't, and it hurts so bad. I know I'm the one who ended it, but you're the one that broke me. Perhaps we caused each other equal pain. But the thought...
    Icrossmyheart Icrossmyheart 13-15, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Sorry for my broken english So I've had a long-term relationship like 4 years.. i don't know if you could call it long-term but for me this is the longest relationship i've ever...
    Escc Escc 22-25, F 3 days ago

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    Music defines my mood, ad my mood defines the music. I can't go past a day without listening to anything, addiction or just common ?
    SpanishCristian SpanishCristian 18-21, M 4 days ago

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    You really can’t go home again.I’m in my small apartment, a little drunk... *maybe* a little lonely. Looking at photos my Dad sent of the newest renovations that...
    drfate drfate 31-35, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Sure, I can make an Ep friend. But it's impossible for me to make life ones. No I can't try harder or follow some guide. I can't talk to people, I'm terrified at making small talk...
    aeinhardt aeinhardt 18-21, M 5 days ago

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    I just can't stop. Broken promises will always be on the top of my burden that I carry. The scars will forever mark my wrists, thighs, sides, everywhere where I could reach with a...
    renlambert renlambert 13-15 5 days ago

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    Every day is just the same broken record. Get up, see my mum off to work, and spend the day at home alone. I try to keep myself busy by gardening, getting some decorating done or...