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I Cant Stop Thinking About My Rape

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,265 People

    This isn't common but I actually enjoyed my

    rape changed my life ever since then I've always played in my booty I feel my heart beat in the hole that's when I know it's hungry for more ;)
    Horseofdiffcolor Horseofdiffcolor 22-25, T 2 Responses Mar 10

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    I was raped wen I was 11

    and again April 19 2014 but my attacker is now in jail for another crime but I think about it everyday,how he seemed so normal, how he smelled then wen he bragged about it to people on social media like I WANTED it??Makes my stomach turn. Hard to breath and love others
    kaykaycoker kaykaycoker 16-17, F 1 day ago

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    please someone help me from leaving this

    nightmare o don't know what else to do I have tried therapy, hipnosis, pills, exercise and nothing has worked to forget all this please I'm desperate I NEED HELP!!
    scarlet1413 scarlet1413 18-21, F 8 Responses Mar 6

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    People keep wanting to help me with my rape.

    But how can they help me when I can't even understand what happened! I have so many questions but no answers.
    ThatTattooedGirl ThatTattooedGirl 18-21, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Dont Trust Men

    It all started when I was 7. I was molested it continued till I was 13 thats when he raped me. I had the courage to tell a teacher at school. They called health and human services. They just let him go cause it was close to him being 18. Because of him I still cant trust men.
    vgambler vgambler 26-30, F 3 Responses Sep 14, 2012

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    Why Me?

    Ok this is the fourth time in less than a year. I'm sick of this! Me and my boyfriend were goofing off you know having fun. We were in his room. Oops! He knew about my past already. I thought he would never do something like this to me. I was wrong. Of course. So we just...
    Crazylover15 Crazylover15 18-21, F 10 Responses May 15, 2013

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    *this was a dream* I'm at my grandpas house

    for a few days. (the one who molested me and raped my stepmom) last night I was about to go to bed, I guess I feel asleep but it felt so real. I heard my grandpas and sisters voices(she's here with me) I can't recall 100% what they were saying but I knew it was gonna be bad. my...
    SpideyAlyx SpideyAlyx 13-15, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    It's like every detail keeps replaying in my

    head . Why can't I just let it go? It's been 2 years and still today seeing your face would kill me . I want to hurt you . Physically . Emotionally . I want to scar you for the rest of your life and let you lay awake thinking about me for no reason . I haven't thought about you...
    Alylovespuppies Alylovespuppies 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 8

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    I'm not really ready to talk about what

    happened to me. It happened 13 years ago. I tried to kill myself 2 1/2 years later. Since then I've buried it. I thought I was over it but I never really told anyone what happened. I recently got overwhelmed and I told someone the whole story. They have been supporting me for...
    noonespecial44 noonespecial44 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 17

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    tonight is really bad.

    I feel alone. scared. suicidal. I want to die. I just want someone to talk to who understands. I don't like to bother people but I feel like everyone that I had has left me.
    GodsArte GodsArte 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 31

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    I was brutally raped several months ago by a

    multitude of males and now I am carrying someone's twin sons. I just cannot bring myself to having an abortion. I have decided to let a childless interracial couple adopt my sons. I have nightmares several times a week. Also, I cry quite frequently on weekends. I am going...
    olderandpregnantfemale olderandpregnantfemale 41-45, F 16 Responses Jan 30, 2014

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    It's been a couple of years

    and I still think of it. Not because I want to but because I keep having nightmares and I started going out with guy and I thought no problem because I would be over what happened to me but when he tried to get close to me like just a little kiss or hug me or hold hands with me...
    avey10 avey10 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 26, 2014

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    I have been raped 5 times.

    I have never had sex with my permission before. Almost got raped by a group of guys. But someone saved me. Been forced to do many things in my life....
    jgelbz jgelbz 16-17, F 7 Responses Jan 29, 2014

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    It's been a couple of years

    and I still think of it. Not because I want to but because I keep having nightmares and I started going out with guy and I thought no problem because I would be over what happened to me but when he tried to get close to me like just a little kiss or hug me or hold hands with me...
    avey10 avey10 18-21, F 5 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    What Happened In Brother'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    I keep replaying what happened in my mind.

    I really just want to forget about it. It affected me more than people know. It happened recently. And I just feel so gross. I told my mom two days after it happened and she makes me feel like it's my fault and makes me wish I didn't tell her. She keeps say "why didn't you...
    Robin1226 Robin1226 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 7

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    I Hate Him For What He Did

    when i was younger  I was the Girl who got made fun of so when the oppertunity arised to go out with someone i took it. my friend got my talking to this guy he seemed normal on the phone like he cared, he was my friends friend how bad could he be! one night in december i decided...
    blueeyedangel25 blueeyedangel25 22-25, F 9 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    He's Everywhere.

    My stepfather is everywhere. Ever since he was convicted of what he did to me a year ago, I can't get him out of my mind. He pleaded guilty and gave a sorry excuse of an apology, but he sure wasnt sorry when he was doing it. I feel even worse when I think about the fact that my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Sep 6, 2011

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    I Was Gang-raped!

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 20 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    I feel like no one wants me

    because of my rape. I mean what guy wants a girl whos been raped? None. I feel like I'm just a sex object, not even a person anymore. Who wants a girl who let her uncle do that to her? Will I ever be comfortable with a guy? Becuase of what happened I can never trust guys and I...
    musicismysalvation musicismysalvation 16-17, F 11 Responses Mar 17, 2014

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    Okay, I'm just going to put it all out there

    and say it. I was raped when I was 12 years old by my step father. My parent's divorced when I was like seven and It affected me in some ways. Like I've said before I'm a big brat and I've always been that way, so I made it really hard on my mom whenever I couldn't see my dad...
    ChildOfHarmony ChildOfHarmony 16-17, F 4 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I was around 14 years old

    when it happened. I had just recently started meeting up with an 'emo' looking guy, he was 19 and I was 14, but that's not important. In this story I'll call my (then) boyfriend Jake and his best friend Ryan. Jake, Jakes brother and Ryan were all at Jakes house drinking...
    Laurajane94 Laurajane94 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 29

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    Shards of porcelain imbedded in my skin I'm

    your porcelain doll Maybe Im just as fragile Hold me tight but don't break me I am yours Please forgive me I didn't mean to love It just happened Push me, throw me You shattered me All that's left is broken glass You'll never clean up the mess That's why I'm laying here in bed...
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 8 Responses Feb 7, 2014

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    After that night, I ran a lot to keep my mind

    off of it. One day I went for a run and there was a man walking maybe 100 feet behind me. I had the worst feeling of terror go through my body. I started to pick up my pace and I was so incredibly scared that he would catch up to me and hurt me. But then he turned into a house...
    jessicaellise jessicaellise 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 7, 2014

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    no matter how hard I try to push the thoughts

    away its always there, nagging me every hour of the day. The worst is when I close my eyes to sleep every detail every sound every voice everything is so vivid and real and just continuously plays over and over. During the day I can at least find something to distract my mind...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    I was raped a year ago

    and I still can't stop thinking about it. I talk about it a lot more than it should and I definitely feel like it defines me as a person but I can't seem to think about it any other way. I worry I'll never have sex again and that no one will ever want to date with me and deal...
    lozor19 lozor19 18-21, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    it's hard to not think about your rape everyday

    when some people don't always understand that traumatizes you for the rest of your life. for those who got a disease or pregnant for being raped I know how you feel I was with a abusive man for two years to scared to leave cause every time I tried he'd find me anyway possible...
    mandyvargas18 mandyvargas18 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 5

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    I think about it daily.

    It's one of them things that never go away. You can't forget it. You just have to learn to live with it. But I don't know how I can learn to live with it. It's awful. It controls me. It has literally ruined my life!
    ThatTattooedGirl ThatTattooedGirl 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    it happened 5 years ago

    and I still can't forget it
    dorabergen dorabergen 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 8

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    Last night was bad...

    I have had dreams about it before and dreams about home before but none as bad as this. I'm so scared he's going to get me back now, I don't feel safe anywhere.
    lostgirl2001 lostgirl2001 13-15, F Jan 14

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    I Am...

    I cannot move, I cannot see, I cannot speak, But I hear, I feel, I feel the dirt burry my bones Each grain filling all the crevasses All the fractures, All the breaks, All the cuts, New and old I hear the footsteps of the man above, Pacing back and forth, His breath...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Holiday From Hell

    When I was 15 I went on a long family holiday, whilst on holiday I got a lot of unwanted attention from guys. Before this holiday I was dating a guy that I'd been with for a few years. I had lost my virginity to him a few months before my rape. He was my first for everything...
    JAP93 JAP93 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 11, 2013

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    I was drunk, so was he.

    But he was also 8 years older, and much more sober than me. He knew what he was doing. He was my sister's best friend, and when I told her, she called me a liar.
    galaxyle galaxyle 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 28

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    My Rape As A Kid

    Everything was fine that nice April day. I started dating my ex again, I had a nice dinner with my family, I learned how to do a cartwheel. I was 12 years old that day when my cousin age 23 took me to the store on the way home he gave me a cigarette. I asked for a drink so I...
    MissJuliet MissJuliet 16-17, F 8 Responses Jul 21, 2011

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    The second time I was raped was

    when I was 12. I was at my kind of boyfriends house we were hanging out watching a movie like we did on most week ends. It was August 15th 2009. One minute we were watching a movie and the next minute he was on top of me and we were making out. He started touching me down there...
    Teenmommy16 Teenmommy16 18-21, F 5 Responses Dec 17, 2013

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    Didn't Think It'd Ever Happen To Me.

    I was 15, I had only turned 15 a week before when it happened. It was Christmas Eve, about 2 in the morning. The unthinkable had happened to me. Something I thought would have never happened to me. About two or three weeks earlier, I got up at around 6am to get ready for school...
    ConfidentialGirl ConfidentialGirl 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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    anyone had muscle sorenes like in their back

    or leg the day after? idk if it from the rape
    darkdecember93 darkdecember93 18-21, F 8 Responses Jan 27

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    I am 15 years old and

    when I was 13 my step dad raped me and it still going on. i didn't know what to do I cried, begged him to stop but he just wouldn't stop! I told my mum but she just called me a liar. It's all my fault I could of stopped him but I didn't everything is my fault.
    Arabellathebeautiful Arabellathebeautiful 13-15, F 4 Responses Jan 25

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    Its Getting Harder

    I don't really fancy going into detail about what happened to me, to be honest I can't even say the word of what's happened to me. I have really bad anxiety and a mood disorder and what happened is making it worse. Night times are the worst, I get so down, and not like when...
    SecretGirl14 SecretGirl14 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2013

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    Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...

    People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on. Let me tell you a little something about that.. When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul I wasn't beaten or anything the...
    NotAllScarsCanBeSeen NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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    The Right Thing- Doesn't Mean Your Weak

    I told my story "the story of how" but I believe it's time I tell about the second time, the time the will always haunt me. Not long after Aaron and Charlie raped me, Charlie said sorry and I forgave him. Just a short while later, I was walking, just out for a walk, when Aaron...
    oOoAllieoOo oOoAllieoOo 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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    What Happened In Brither'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    I was raped twice in one month,

    both by guys I considered friends and never would have thought would do it. I guess it wasn't technically rape, but i said no to both of them multiple times. At first it wasn't as serious, but then I started to get more serious about it. Until I finally just gave in. I'm a small...
    fieldofwings fieldofwings 18-21, F 5 Responses Dec 15, 2013

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    Why Is He Still Out There??

    I was nearly 16 when I was raped Im nearly 21 now and that nasty man is still out there. My Mom knew him years ago when she was smaller, she was out one night with herfriend when they bumped into each other they hadnt seen each other in about 20 years. So they kept in touch then...
    freedz21 freedz21 18-21, F 7 Responses Nov 2, 2012

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    Online Relationship Anxiety II: The Update Hi

    everyone at EP. I hadn't been in Experience Project overly a year and there's a lot to talk about. But first...I want to talk about this girl that's been affecting my life the most and who's very important in my life. If you read my Online Relationship Anxiety, which is in I...
    Gonzobdd Gonzobdd 18-21, M Dec 28, 2014

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    I have already posted my experiences in this

    category, but that was nearly two years ago. Two. Years. Ago. And it's still bothering me, or I wouldn't be here. Having met with a therapist a few times over the last year, and having had a boyfriend (previous) who was very understanding (the first person I opened up to about...
    quirkygirl520 quirkygirl520 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 9

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