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I Cant Stop Thinking About My Rape

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,212 People

    Maybe is will make me feel better you know

    maybe telling alil of my story these past 4 days have been hell I can not sleep I can't cry anymore the one thing I hate when people say oh you could of done more I called the cops my so called friend that left me at my ex boyfriends house our story's did not match up I was...
    madisonhenson13 madisonhenson13 18-21, F 3 Responses May 26

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    He pleaded not guilty the other day

    which was completely unexpected seems he has already been found guilty for a separate case :/
    livelaughlove0987 livelaughlove0987 18-21, F 23 Responses May 10

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    no matter how hard I try to push the thoughts

    away its always there, nagging me every hour of the day. The worst is when I close my eyes to sleep every detail every sound every voice everything is so vivid and real and just continuously plays over and over. During the day I can at least find something to distract my mind...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    It's been a couple of years

    and I still think of it. Not because I want to but because I keep having nightmares and I started going out with guy and I thought no problem because I would be over what happened to me but when he tried to get close to me like just a little kiss or hug me or hold hands with me...
    avey10 avey10 18-21, F 5 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    I hate that someone can

    so consistently affect my life while they get to go about there's like nothing happened.
    TeslaH TeslaH 22-25, F Jul 31

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    For everyone that helped me with my last

    experience I posted. I just want to let you all know i am reporting it to the police. Thank you so much to everyone who helped me. I wish I could thank you all individually but there are so many people who helped me. You have made me realise it's a crime itself to not report...
    ThatTattooedGirl ThatTattooedGirl 18-21, F 11 Responses May 31

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    Holiday From Hell

    When I was 15 I went on a long family holiday, whilst on holiday I got a lot of unwanted attention from guys. Before this holiday I was dating a guy that I'd been with for a few years. I had lost my virginity to him a few months before my rape. He was my first for everything...
    JAP93 JAP93 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 11, 2013

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    I was brutally raped several months ago by a

    multitude of males and now I am carrying someone's twin sons. I just cannot bring myself to having an abortion. I have decided to let a childless interracial couple adopt my sons. I have nightmares several times a week. Also, I cry quite frequently on weekends. I am going...
    olderandpregnantfemale olderandpregnantfemale 46-50, F 16 Responses Jan 30, 2014

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    Shards of porcelain imbedded in my skin I'm

    your porcelain doll Maybe Im just as fragile Hold me tight but don't break me I am yours Please forgive me I didn't mean to love It just happened Push me, throw me You shattered me All that's left is broken glass You'll never clean up the mess That's why I'm laying here in bed...
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 8 Responses Feb 7, 2014

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    The second time I was raped was

    when I was 12. I was at my kind of boyfriends house we were hanging out watching a movie like we did on most week ends. It was August 15th 2009. One minute we were watching a movie and the next minute he was on top of me and we were making out. He started touching me down there...
    Teenmommy16 Teenmommy16 18-21, F 4 Responses Dec 17, 2013

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    I had a family counselor

    when I was ten and while my mom was talking with her in another room, I was in her daughters room playing with her toys, the father walked in and told me to follow him, I was 10 so I didn't think twice about an adult telling me to do something. He took me to another room and...
    78mer22 78mer22 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 6

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    What did I do wrong? It happened again.

    There must be something wrong with me for it to keep happening. This time I don't know how I feel. I'm old enough to understand what has happened to me now. I just don't understand why it's happened again. I don't want to live anymore. But I know I have to stay strong and fight...
    ThatTattooedGirl ThatTattooedGirl 18-21, F 39 Responses May 31

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    Decided to share my own experience since

    so many brave women are doing it as well. Im not afraid anymore. I was raped by a group of high school aged boys last year and they have never been charged even though the authorities know who they are. They said there was lack of evidence and that it would be impossible to...
    shana1977 shana1977 31-35, F 4 Responses Jun 3

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    i am going though court

    and it seems to be taking forever but i just keep thinking of all the people i will help by doing this :)
    livelaughlove0987 livelaughlove0987 18-21, F 5 Responses Apr 5

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    I was raped by my ex boyfriend quite a few

    times. I thought that it was normal & what I deserved. I stayed with him for 2 years. It wasn't a constant thing. But he raped me 4 times. I eventually got out and this was 3 years ago and I thought I was finally free. But I'm not. I can't form relationships with guys. I've...
    tvdlover1865 tvdlover1865 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 2

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    i have so many questions

    but cant get the answers since you comitted suicide. i just want to be normal not damaged anymore.
    rainydays85 rainydays85 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 28

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    I Am...

    I cannot move, I cannot see, I cannot speak, But I hear, I feel, I feel the dirt burry my bones Each grain filling all the crevasses All the fractures, All the breaks, All the cuts, New and old I hear the footsteps of the man above, Pacing back and forth, His breath...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses May 10, 2011

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    I can't it has hunted me every single day

    since it happened! I can still hear then laughing at me, feel them touching me, I can still smell them! I can see them every time I close my eyes and they hunt my dreams!
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jun 6

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    I had a panic attack today,

    it's the first one I've had in two months, I thought that I had finally got better and free from the effects. I know I'll get better though :) everyday is another step forward :) I look up to my mum and auntie who where both raped, my mum from her step dad and my auntie by her...
    livelaughlove0987 livelaughlove0987 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 23

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    I still feel so dirty.

    I shower 3-4 times a day. ive even scrubbed myself with steel wool a few times. its been a year, shouldn't this get better?
    Zeydian Zeydian 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 23

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    When I was ten my therapists husband raped me

    while my mom was in the other room. I can't stop thinking about it and I'm on a very destructive path.
    78mer22 78mer22 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 6

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    I love thinking about rape,

    at the age of 11 I started my own brothel, I am now 47 with 18 of my "own" children that I "adopted". Just thinking about my anus getting ripped by a giant gang of mussely men makes me horny to this very day.
    dickballs69 dickballs69 70+, T 2 Responses Jun 14

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    I try not to dwell on it

    but it's easier said than done. What gets me angry is that that event changed my life completely, and I know for a fact that that guy doesn't give a ****, to him I was probably just a random girl he ****** one night. He'd never know that I had planned to save my virginity for my...
    princessfenty princessfenty 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    When I was 10, I began to experience a period

    of rape that would last until I was 12. Ever since it started, I've been very different as a person. When I was a kid, I was eager to do everything. I had hobbies that excited me, and I actually looked forward to doing things. Now I'm a ******* wreck, and the more I think about...
    KoopyKoop KoopyKoop 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 6

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    Been quite a few months

    since it happened but I can't stop thinking about it... I was in a relationship with him and I was pregnant when it all happened... It happened more than once too but our relationship was on the rocks and I was trying so hard to get it back like it was...it didn't work and now...
    lanaB96 lanaB96 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 24

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    Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...

    People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on. Let me tell you a little something about that.. When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul I wasn't beaten or anything the...
    NotAllScarsCanBeSeen NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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    I want to tell my father

    so badly but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what it will do to him,afraid of how he will look at me afterwards. I lost so much that night. My virginity,my sanity and it's starting to feel like my life. I want to speak out before its too late.
    TheGirlFromJupiter TheGirlFromJupiter 18-21 3 Responses Jul 19

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    I can't stop thinking about my rape experience,

    it happened only months ago but I remember it so vividly that, even to this day, terrifies me. I'll spare you all the gory details of the event but I would really appreciate some advice on how to STOP thinking about it. Thanks, Lottie.
    askyfullofnarry askyfullofnarry 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 12

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    I Ended Up Enjoying Being Raped....

    I know the title probably throws most readers off and ****** off the ones whose rape was traumatizing. Normally, people think of rape as a bad thing, invasion of privacy, having their innocence stolen etc… I really didn’t think of it that way. I actually enjoyed it… A LOT...
    iwant2seestars iwant2seestars 26-30, F 30 Responses Mar 13, 2013

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    I hate thinking of it Nd everytime I do it

    makes me sick till I puck
    MaxwellFeelFree69 MaxwellFeelFree69 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 4

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    there is nothing worse then being mauled in

    that way by the same gender as you..i hope these disturbing flash backs disappear for once..its tiring having to explain what causes my sleeping paralyses to go off..when its the nightmares..i cant wake up from...
    MyraTomPhil MyraTomPhil 26-30 May 31

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    I felt worthless and unloved.

    I felt dead inside, still do You told them it was my fault I led you on you couldn't help yourself I was 14 You were 43 You raped me you said it was my fault you said I wanted it but I didn't No one wants to be pinned to the floor and raped by someone they trusted You told the...
    rainydays85 rainydays85 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 11

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    I Was Gang-raped!

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 22 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    Its been almost 2 years

    since it happened and it's still the only thing I constantly think about.. I was 14 and was pulled in a room by my ex boyfriends best friend.. I was a virgin and the worst part is no one even came to save me.. I screamed, cried.. Nothing... I was tortured and no one seemed to...
    christina6005 christina6005 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    I Cant Stop Thinking About It, It Turns Me On To Think And Talk About It

    I was raped when i was 14 for the first time by my dads 35 year old friend. It lasted until i was almost 17. He kept coming back, almost every day. He told me I was his girlfriend but in reality i was his sex slave. My dad didnt do anything about it so it continued. But I'm...
    amandapanda1977 amandapanda1977 36-40, F 5 Responses Nov 17, 2013

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    when I was 12 up until the age of 14 I was

    raped by my neighbour. This has been hard for me because I have always felt ashamed to tell anyone as I saw it as my fault. It has only been recently that I have not seen it as my fault but my rapists fault instead. I still struggle with intimate relationships and it was only 1...
    fightingwithyou fightingwithyou 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 16

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    At a young age of 12 I trusted someone I

    shouldnt have... But I was young... To young to see who he really was... He is the reason I can't connect to people like I used to... He is the reason that sex is something that terrifies me... He is the reason I was raped...
    littleONEE littleONEE 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 1

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    I've had nightmares about it.

    11 yrs later. Four guys (athletes to be exact) forced me to perform sexual favors. The ringleader was a guy that I really liked. I foolishly went with him after band practice, thinking that he was going to take me straight home. Obviously that didn't happen. One careless mistake...
    BluRain04 BluRain04 26-30, F 5 Responses Aug 10

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    It's seriously messing with my head.

    I have flashbacks so frequent, they all mash into one horror nightmare. My mind feels like it's gonna explode every second if I don't talk to someone NOW. I know I need to talk about it, but then again I can't build enough trust with anyone because everyone I know in real life...
    crackedwriter crackedwriter 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 13

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    This happened when I was 14.

    I was at home and my tutor had just come over. I'll call her Sarah. I was dressed in a red t-shirt and pink shorts with no socks since it was a hot day. Just prior to her coming over I had taken a shower and forgot to put my bra on. Sarah is a very beautiful woman. 38 yrs old...
    susanhaynes19 susanhaynes19 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 9

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    Some days are better

    than others. I know I won't be better overnight, but I hope it's on it's way soon! Recovery!
    Sweetgirl4u2 Sweetgirl4u2 31-35, F 8 Responses Jun 27

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    If you havent read my other ones then you might

    want to do so before reading here. So Bobby made it a habbit of dropping by my house(actually his since he owned it)when dad wasn't home which was basically all the time and forcing me to do things with him. One time I thought he was just there to f8ck me again but instead...
    amandapanda1977 amandapanda1977 36-40, F 3 Responses Dec 18, 2013

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    Thirteen And Silent, Until Now

    When i was 13, i had already a very developed body. Men near by where i live started longing for me and they would try to get my attention whenever they would see me. Eventually a really handsome guy chased me endlesly until i gave in,he was 23, i was 13... he started inviting...
    16 Responses Jan 12, 2013

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    I Was Raped By A Stranger

    One night I was walking to the station and three people approached me, as I was suffering depression and into drugs they offered me a smoke. But I figured out this was set up. One guy was out of sight and then I had a sudden grab from the back with his arm around my throat...
    Ka1tie Ka1tie 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 17, 2013

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    I feel like no one wants me

    because of my rape. I mean what guy wants a girl whos been raped? None. I feel like I'm just a sex object, not even a person anymore. Who wants a girl who let her uncle do that to her? Will I ever be comfortable with a guy? Becuase of what happened I can never trust guys and I...
    musicismysalvation musicismysalvation 18-21, F 12 Responses Mar 17, 2014

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    I was raped twice in one month,

    both by guys I considered friends and never would have thought would do it. I guess it wasn't technically rape, but i said no to both of them multiple times. At first it wasn't as serious, but then I started to get more serious about it. Until I finally just gave in. I'm a small...
    fieldofwings fieldofwings 18-21, F 6 Responses