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I Cant Stop Thinking About My Rape

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 975 People

    It's like coming and going in flashes .

    I didn't tell anyone because I don't think anyone will believe me. I'm honestly nervous . I just wanna forget it . It was my second time being raped/forced. I keep pretending that my mind is just imagining it
    Narik94 Narik94 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 3

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    The Right Thing- Doesn't Mean Your Weak

    I told my story "the story of how" but I believe it's time I tell about the second time, the time the will always haunt me. Not long after Aaron and Charlie raped me, Charlie said sorry and I forgave him. Just a short while later, I was walking, just out for a walk, when Aaron...
    oOoAllieoOo oOoAllieoOo 18-21, F 10 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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    Thirteen And Silent, Until Now

    When i was 13, i had already a very developed body. Men near by where i live started longing for me and they would try to get my attention whenever they would see me. Eventually a really handsome guy chased me endlesly until i gave in,he was 23, i was 13... he started inviting...
    16 Responses Jan 12, 2013

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    I was brutally raped several months ago by a

    multitude of males and now I am carrying someone's twin sons. I just cannot bring myself to having an abortion. I have decided to let a childless interracial couple adopt my sons. I have nightmares several times a week. Also, I cry quite frequently on weekends. I am going...
    olderandpregnantfemale olderandpregnantfemale 41-45, F 18 Responses Jan 30

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    things are really going backwards ive allways

    thought and known that i deserved my rapes but now im starting to crave it again well maybe crave is the wrong word but i really deserve it i kow do and and i dont what to do im scared im going to go out and find it and get myself killed or find a rapsist and truley regret it...
    maystribe maystribe 22-25, F 1 Response Dec 14, 2013

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    I need to get this off my chest

    before I lose it.... Again. I see him in my school. I hear his music on the radio and in school. People talk about him and they talk about me. They ask me if I got drugs from him.., little do they know... He drugged me. He carried my body to an abandoned house and violated me...
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 5 Responses Feb 6

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    I Am...

    I cannot move, I cannot see, I cannot speak, But I hear, I feel, I feel the dirt burry my bones Each grain filling all the crevasses All the fractures, All the breaks, All the cuts, New and old I hear the footsteps of the man above, Pacing back and forth, His breath...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses May 10, 2011

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    It happened again. He was a guy from my school.

    He never really talked to me at school. But he would ask me for nud** outside of school when he texted me. He was just normal. I would've never thought he would be the one to do that to me. He told me he was at the park. He told me to meet him there. At that time I was eating...
    Clarityk13 Clarityk13 13-15, F 6 Responses Mar 27

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    Why Me?

    Ok this is the fourth time in less than a year. I'm sick of this! Me and my boyfriend were goofing off you know having fun. We were in his room. Oops! He knew about my past already. I thought he would never do something like this to me. I was wrong. Of course. So we just...
    Crazylover15 Crazylover15 18-21, F 12 Responses May 15, 2013

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    What Happened In Brother'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 10 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    been told to pretend i was never raped

    that im still a virgin even tho i lost that at 3 years old, im in cnstant pain so people have said to move on look to the future forget your past, forget th nightmares flashbacks and pain and pretend it never ever happened be a virgin again an im like what!! how the hell am i...
    maystribe maystribe 22-25, F 3 Responses Dec 18, 2013

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    It was a Saturday night.

    My Boyfriend invited me over to his uncles house. We were on the rocks because all he ever wanted to do was kiss me, and I wanted more from a relationship. I went anyway, and I regret it more than anything in the world. About 2 hours in, he invited me to the back room. I obliged...
    Miller2013 Miller2013 16-17, F 4 Responses Dec 9, 2013

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    Dont Trust Men

    It all started when I was 7. I was molested it continued till I was 13 thats when he raped me. I had the courage to tell a teacher at school. They called health and human services. They just let him go cause it was close to him being 18. Because of him I still cant trust men.
    vgambler vgambler 26-30, F 3 Responses Sep 14, 2012

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    I feel like I can't trust again.

    But I did it to myself. No, I didn't rape myself obviously. But I let it happen. Again and again. I loved him, I really did. I was with him for three years. I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me. He was my hero in combat boots, my best friend from the...
    ObviouslyAlex ObviouslyAlex 16-17, F 3 Responses Dec 10, 2013

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    I feel like no one wants me

    because of my rape. I mean what guy wants a girl whos been raped? None. I feel like I'm just a sex object, not even a person anymore. Who wants a girl who let her uncle do that to her? Will I ever be comfortable with a guy? Becuase of what happened I can never trust guys and I...
    musicismysalvation musicismysalvation 16-17, F 7 Responses Mar 17

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    So this is my first experience on here,

    over the summer I was raped by my 45 year old cousin. I just turned 16. I think about it every day but I don't want to tell anybody I know about it. So yeah...
    CydneyGarrett CydneyGarrett 16-17, F 4 Responses Mar 22

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    I Am Strong.

    Hello, I am a 15 year old girl and i would like to share my painful experience with people who truly understand. I was in my room, voice chatting with a close friend of my for a very long time. My window was open, and it was dark. My parents were out of town, taking my younger...
    shjfstjoxsropvdsru shjfstjoxsropvdsru 13-15, F 26 Responses Jul 6, 2012

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    My Rape As A Kid

    Everything was fine that nice April day. I started dating my ex again, I had a nice dinner with my family, I learned how to do a cartwheel. I was 12 years old that day when my cousin age 23 took me to the store on the way home he gave me a cigarette. I asked for a drink so I...
    MissJuliet MissJuliet 16-17, F 8 Responses Jul 21, 2011

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    i have nightmares everynight its starnge tho

    its like when i fall asleep its the next day in the nightmare the nightmare is this man kidnapping me and taking me hostage he locks me in his basement theres no light or nothing theres blood form past victims im there naked my hands chained above my head and every day/night my...
    maystribe maystribe 22-25, F 1 Response Dec 14, 2013

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    He's Everywhere.

    My stepfather is everywhere. Ever since he was convicted of what he did to me a year ago, I can't get him out of my mind. He pleaded guilty and gave a sorry excuse of an apology, but he sure wasnt sorry when he was doing it. I feel even worse when I think about the fact that my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Sep 6, 2011

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    I become survival girl from the moment I wake

    up, to the moment I go to sleep. It's worse during term-time because that's when I'm most likely to see him. And seeing him forces me to relive it again and again. It's getting better. I'm glad too see the end of this year - the year that split my life into two parts (before...
    purplemessenger purplemessenger 18-21, F Dec 23, 2013

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    Its Getting Harder

    I don't really fancy going into detail about what happened to me, to be honest I can't even say the word of what's happened to me. I have really bad anxiety and a mood disorder and what happened is making it worse. Night times are the worst, I get so down, and not like when...
    SecretGirl14 SecretGirl14 16-17, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2013

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    Do you ever get over it I remember little bits

    of it but I was blacked out or maybe I blocked out some of the memory. All I know now is that I can't listen to a certen song I freak when people grab me in certan ways. GRrR I wish it would go away I wish I had of sent them to jail but I never did one man because he was my...
    littlered95 littlered95 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 6, 2013

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    Didn't Think It'd Ever Happen To Me.

    I was 15, I had only turned 15 a week before when it happened. It was Christmas Eve, about 2 in the morning. The unthinkable had happened to me. Something I thought would have never happened to me. About two or three weeks earlier, I got up at around 6am to get ready for school...
    ConfidentialGirl ConfidentialGirl 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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    my mom boyfriend raped me

    and i dont think my mom believe me
    seniorinthisboy17 seniorinthisboy17 16-17, F Dec 4, 2013

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    It controls your life.

    Nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Nobody fully understands what pain you feel. The guilt you feel. The regrets you have. It is at the back of your mind constantly, almost teasing you. Nothing you do will make the pain go away. You feel ashamed with what happened. You are...
    HC12345 HC12345 16-17, F 4 Responses Feb 13

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    I don't know if you'd

    even call it rape...I wish there was someone I could talk to.
    dmcdowell88 dmcdowell88 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 21, 2013

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    i have been raped 3 times

    and the third time was when my mom boyfriend raped me
    seniorinthisboy17 seniorinthisboy17 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    Shards of porcelain imbedded in my skin I'm

    your porcelain doll Maybe Im just as fragile Hold me tight but don't break me I am yours Please forgive me I didn't mean to love It just happened Push me, throw me You shattered me All that's left is broken glass You'll never clean up the mess That's why I'm laying here in bed...
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 7 Responses Feb 7

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    It Happened To Me.

    The day was a Sunday, and I remember being dressed in a beautiful dress. Was in a jovial mood having attended the service at our local church. It was in the afternoon when one of my aunties sent me to my cousins place to deliver a message to her dad. Off I went not knowing what...
    traya15 traya15 22-25, F 6 Responses Sep 27, 2013

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    I was raped twice in one month,

    both by guys I considered friends and never would have thought would do it. I guess it wasn't technically rape, but i said no to both of them multiple times. At first it wasn't as serious, but then I started to get more serious about it. Until I finally just gave in. I'm a small...
    fieldofwings fieldofwings 16-17, F 5 Responses Dec 15, 2013

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    flashbacks and memories

    and nightmares making me extremley suicidle theres no escape from this pain!! pls help me :'(
    maystribe maystribe 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 15, 2013

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    What Happened In Brither'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    Left.

    I'm stronger now, I'm bigger. It was my fault. When I was 14, 34 year old police officer started hitting on me, but back than I didn't know what he wanted. You know, you hear things on TV, read about them, but never imagine them really ever happening. He bothered me a lot, and...
    s1lenc3 s1lenc3 18-21, F 85 Responses Dec 28, 2012

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    No matter how hard I try I can't forget about

    it. How I was violated and it was all my fault. If I wasn't young and stupid I might just be happy right now. Every night everything replays in my head, I will never forget what he did to me. I will never escape. I try my hardest to forget but all the memories just keep flooding...
    HC12345 HC12345 16-17, F 3 Responses Feb 11

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    I Promise,

    I'm here for you. Cry, scream, rant, rage, feel what you need to feel. I'm here to listen, to share, to help. I truly do care. Let me share your burden for a while. I'm here. ❤️
    storyofyourlife storyofyourlife 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 27, 2013

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    I've Been Having Flashbacks.

    they get so strong that i start to cry. they make me sick and make me feel dirty. every memory is another urge to cut myself. to bleed away the past. all i want is to forget. thats all i want. to have no memory of what he did to me. my body cant take this much longer. i feel so...
    RazerWolfFang RazerWolfFang 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 20, 2013

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    My Secret Kept Me Sick

    It is a very difficult thing to talk about. Especially after blaming myself for it. I was afraid that others would judge and blame me too. And so, I stayed silent. I thought that I would be safe if I kept quiet about it. I was wrong. My rape happened 5 years ago and every single...
    Inherownwords Inherownwords 31-35, F 22 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    I Hate Him For What He Did

    when i was younger  I was the Girl who got made fun of so when the oppertunity arised to go out with someone i took it. my friend got my talking to this guy he seemed normal on the phone like he cared, he was my friends friend how bad could he be! one night in december i decided...
    blueeyedangel25 blueeyedangel25 22-25, F 9 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    I feel helpless and weak.

    I have been raped. I now live in fear. The person who raped me shares a house with me. She was my sister, and I loved her to death, and I thought she felt the same. She decided one day when my parents were out that I was out of line, and that punishment was necessary. She took...
    ZC343454 ZC343454 18-21, M 3 Responses Mar 20

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    Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...

    People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on. Let me tell you a little something about that.. When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul I wasn't beaten or anything the...
    NotAllScarsCanBeSeen NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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    I can't sleep.. I can't think.

    .. I can hardly look up when out. What if i look up to see the same face that was over me that night.. That same face I woke up from a dream into my worst nightmare. When will I be able to forget. It's like he's planted a little bit of himself in my mind that I cant hide from.
    ThatGurlDailyy ThatGurlDailyy 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 21

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    I have been raped 5 times.

    I have never had sex with my permission before. Almost got raped by a group of guys. But someone saved me. Been forced to do many things in my life....
    jgelbz jgelbz 16-17, F 9 Responses Jan 29

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    no matter how hard I try to push the thoughts

    away its always there, nagging me every hour of the day. The worst is when I close my eyes to sleep every detail every sound every voice everything is so vivid and real and just continuously plays over and over. During the day I can at least find something to distract my mind...
    BEYMMXIII BEYMMXIII 18-21, F 11 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    well.. it's more the nightmares.

    .. i'll often wake up in the middle of the night in a bit of a panic.. realizing I'm ok, and safe in my room.
    hayliepartychick hayliepartychick 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 8

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    Why Is He Still Out There??

    I was nearly 16 when I was raped Im nearly 21 now and that nasty man is still out there. My Mom knew him years ago when she was smaller, she was out one night with herfriend when they bumped into each other they hadnt seen each other in about 20 years. So they kept in touch then...
    freedz21 freedz21 18-21, F 7 Responses Nov 2, 2012

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    I'm not sure if any of you would think this Is

    classed as rape or not but i just can't stop thinking about it. I was 15 and was out drinking with my friends(i did this quite abbit) we was all in a field and basically i got very very drunk, i was smashed, hammered.. Whatever you want to call it.. I could just walk a little...
    ZoeeMarie ZoeeMarie 16-17, F 4 Responses Jan 4

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    The second time I was raped was

    when I was 12. I was at my kind of boyfriends house we were hanging out watching a movie like we did on most week ends. It was August 15th 2009. One minute we were watching a movie and the next minute he was on top of me and we were making out. He started touching me down there...
    Teenmommy16 Teenmommy16 16-17, F 6 Responses Dec 17, 2013

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    I Was Gang-raped!

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    I'm trying hard to understand what you did to

    me. I know what you have told me, I know what others have told me, what I don't understand is why. why? Why did you take something so precious from me, something that was mine to give away, not for you to take. I hate you with everything I am, I despise you, you disgust me, you...
    BEYMMXIII BEYMMXIII 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 26

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    I can't stop thinking of my master. He is my world, I would give up everything for him. He may be a little older than me but I truly love him and I feel that he loves me too. If he...
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    I just can't get u out of my head!!!!😃cause ur all that I ever think about😃I just can't get u out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!full stop.
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    Ever since I was about 13 its been nagging me at the back of my conscience. Every car ride I would get the thought stuck in my head that i should open just open the door. Fall out...
    baaron4 baaron4 18-21, M