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I Cant Stop Thinking About My Rape

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,426 People

    What Happened In Brother'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    I can't it has hunted me every single day

    since it happened! I can still hear then laughing at me, feel them touching me, I can still smell them! I can see them every time I close my eyes and they hunt my dreams!
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jun 6

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    Shards of porcelain imbedded in my skin I'm

    your porcelain doll Maybe Im just as fragile Hold me tight but don't break me I am yours Please forgive me I didn't mean to love It just happened Push me, throw me You shattered me All that's left is broken glass You'll never clean up the mess That's why I'm laying here in bed...
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 8 Responses Feb 7, 2014

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    When I was 7, I met a boy more

    than twice my age at the time. He pretended like he was my friend. He was my only friend. One day he took me for a walk in a park. There is very wooded area behind it that I always used to play in. We got fairly far out when we met up with a group of 5 more boys. his friends. I...
    FakingTheFlowers FakingTheFlowers 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 8, 2014

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    I was raped 2 days ago by my friends dad

    and this feeling is indescribable. I just wish I would die. I couldn't even report it if I wanted to because I slept with my friend just hours before it happened and I'm a minor and he's 23. But the moment he went to work his dad came into the room and locked the door.. I can't...
    Fuckeverything9 Fuckeverything9 16-17, F 6 Responses Jul 8

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    Why Me?

    Ok this is the fourth time in less than a year. I'm sick of this! Me and my boyfriend were goofing off you know having fun. We were in his room. Oops! He knew about my past already. I thought he would never do something like this to me. I was wrong. Of course. So we just...
    Crazylover15 Crazylover15 18-21, F 10 Responses May 15, 2013

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    about two weeks ago at a party I was raped my

    two best friends found me afterwards along with the host of the party and his girl friend. I completely broke down and they stayed with me locked in a room all night and I wouldn't let them tell anyone. I wake up with panic attacks if I sleep and I can't eat. I feel disgusting...
    skyejulia skyejulia 16-17, F 4 Responses May 15

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    What did I do wrong? It happened again.

    There must be something wrong with me for it to keep happening. This time I don't know how I feel. I'm old enough to understand what has happened to me now. I just don't understand why it's happened again. I don't want to live anymore. But I know I have to stay strong and fight...
    ThatTattooedGirl ThatTattooedGirl 18-21, F 43 Responses May 31

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    Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...

    People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on. Let me tell you a little something about that.. When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul I wasn't beaten or anything the...
    NotAllScarsCanBeSeen NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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    I can't stop thinking about my rape experience,

    it happened only months ago but I remember it so vividly that, even to this day, terrifies me. I'll spare you all the gory details of the event but I would really appreciate some advice on how to STOP thinking about it. Thanks, Lottie.
    askyfullofnarry askyfullofnarry 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 12

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    I was raped by my ex boyfriend quite a few

    times. I thought that it was normal & what I deserved. I stayed with him for 2 years. It wasn't a constant thing. But he raped me 4 times. I eventually got out and this was 3 years ago and I thought I was finally free. But I'm not. I can't form relationships with guys. I've...
    tvdlover1865 tvdlover1865 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 2

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    i have so many questions

    but cant get the answers since you comitted suicide. i just want to be normal not damaged anymore.
    rainydays85 rainydays85 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 28

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    It's been a couple of years

    and I still think of it. Not because I want to but because I keep having nightmares and I started going out with guy and I thought no problem because I would be over what happened to me but when he tried to get close to me like just a little kiss or hug me or hold hands with me...
    avey10 avey10 18-21, F 5 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    It's been eight long years of random bursts of

    flashbacks. There are days where I can't sleep, can't eat, can't keep my composure. I'm a mom now. I'm married. I have a job. I have a life to live. I just get so angry that my rapist still owns me. He took so much already, why won't it all just go away? What kills me is that...
    Farfallina22 Farfallina22 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 20

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    I felt worthless and unloved.

    I felt dead inside, still do You told them it was my fault I led you on you couldn't help yourself I was 14 You were 43 You raped me you said it was my fault you said I wanted it but I didn't No one wants to be pinned to the floor and raped by someone they trusted You told the...
    rainydays85 rainydays85 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 11

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    Some days are better

    than others. I know I won't be better overnight, but I hope it's on it's way soon! Recovery!
    Sweetgirl4u2 Sweetgirl4u2 31-35, F 8 Responses Jun 27

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    when I was 12 up until the age of 14 I was

    raped by my neighbour. This has been hard for me because I have always felt ashamed to tell anyone as I saw it as my fault. It has only been recently that I have not seen it as my fault but my rapists fault instead. I still struggle with intimate relationships and it was only 1...
    fightingwithyou fightingwithyou 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 16

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    i am going though court

    and it seems to be taking forever but i just keep thinking of all the people i will help by doing this :)
    livelaughlove0987 livelaughlove0987 18-21, F 5 Responses Apr 5

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    My Rape As A Kid

    Everything was fine that nice April day. I started dating my ex again, I had a nice dinner with my family, I learned how to do a cartwheel. I was 12 years old that day when my cousin age 23 took me to the store on the way home he gave me a cigarette. I asked for a drink so I...
    MissJuliet MissJuliet 16-17, F 8 Responses Jul 21, 2011

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    I Was Gang Raped.

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    i look in the mirror today

    and I said when am I gonna lat go.....when am I gonna be free....my rape was real terrible every time I close my eyes i see it over and over . how I go through it is like a womb that can't be taken care of and my agner rose into flames but it leave a scar. a scar that says I'm a...
    Nasha17 Nasha17 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 23

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    Why Is He Still Out There??

    I was nearly 16 when I was raped Im nearly 21 now and that nasty man is still out there. My Mom knew him years ago when she was smaller, she was out one night with herfriend when they bumped into each other they hadnt seen each other in about 20 years. So they kept in touch then...
    freedz21 freedz21 18-21, F 8 Responses Nov 2, 2012

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    I have been raped 5 times.

    I have never had sex with my permission before. Almost got raped by a group of guys. But someone saved me. Been forced to do many things in my life....
    jgelbz jgelbz 16-17, F 6 Responses Jan 29, 2014

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    I had a family counselor

    when I was ten and while my mom was talking with her in another room, I was in her daughters room playing with her toys, the father walked in and told me to follow him, I was 10 so I didn't think twice about an adult telling me to do something. He took me to another room and...
    78mer22 78mer22 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 6

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    When I was ten my therapists husband raped me

    while my mom was in the other room. I can't stop thinking about it and I'm on a very destructive path.
    78mer22 78mer22 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 6

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    For everyone that helped me with my last

    experience I posted. I just want to let you all know i am reporting it to the police. Thank you so much to everyone who helped me. I wish I could thank you all individually but there are so many people who helped me. You have made me realise it's a crime itself to not report...
    ThatTattooedGirl ThatTattooedGirl 18-21, F 11 Responses May 31

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    no matter how hard I try to push the thoughts

    away its always there, nagging me every hour of the day. The worst is when I close my eyes to sleep every detail every sound every voice everything is so vivid and real and just continuously plays over and over. During the day I can at least find something to distract my mind...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    I Was Gang-raped!

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 22 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    I had a panic attack today,

    it's the first one I've had in two months, I thought that I had finally got better and free from the effects. I know I'll get better though :) everyday is another step forward :) I look up to my mum and auntie who where both raped, my mum from her step dad and my auntie by her...
    livelaughlove0987 livelaughlove0987 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 23

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    Been quite a few months

    since it happened but I can't stop thinking about it... I was in a relationship with him and I was pregnant when it all happened... It happened more than once too but our relationship was on the rocks and I was trying so hard to get it back like it was...it didn't work and now...
    lanaB96 lanaB96 18-21, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Maybe is will make me feel better you know

    maybe telling alil of my story these past 4 days have been hell I can not sleep I can't cry anymore the one thing I hate when people say oh you could of done more I called the cops my so called friend that left me at my ex boyfriends house our story's did not match up I was...
    madisonhenson13 madisonhenson13 18-21, F 3 Responses May 26

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    I want to tell my father

    so badly but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what it will do to him,afraid of how he will look at me afterwards. I lost so much that night. My virginity,my sanity and it's starting to feel like my life. I want to speak out before its too late.
    TheGirlFromJupiter TheGirlFromJupiter 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 19

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    The second time I was raped was

    when I was 12. I was at my kind of boyfriends house we were hanging out watching a movie like we did on most week ends. It was August 15th 2009. One minute we were watching a movie and the next minute he was on top of me and we were making out. He started touching me down there...
    Teenmommy16 Teenmommy16 18-21, F 5 Responses Dec 17, 2013

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    Holiday From Hell

    When I was 15 I went on a long family holiday, whilst on holiday I got a lot of unwanted attention from guys. Before this holiday I was dating a guy that I'd been with for a few years. I had lost my virginity to him a few months before my rape. He was my first for everything...
    JAP93 JAP93 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 11, 2013

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    I Am...

    I cannot move, I cannot see, I cannot speak, But I hear, I feel, I feel the dirt burry my bones Each grain filling all the crevasses All the fractures, All the breaks, All the cuts, New and old I hear the footsteps of the man above, Pacing back and forth, His breath...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses May 10, 2011

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    I was brutally raped several months ago by a

    multitude of males and now I am carrying someone's twin sons. I just cannot bring myself to having an abortion. I have decided to let a childless interracial couple adopt my sons. I have nightmares several times a week. Also, I cry quite frequently on weekends. I am going...
    olderandpregnantfemale olderandpregnantfemale 46-50, F 16 Responses Jan 30, 2014

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    I was raped twice in one month,

    both by guys I considered friends and never would have thought would do it. I guess it wasn't technically rape, but i said no to both of them multiple times. At first it wasn't as serious, but then I started to get more serious about it. Until I finally just gave in. I'm a small...
    fieldofwings fieldofwings 18-21, F 6 Responses Dec 15, 2013

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    For the last 5 months I some times randomly

    think about what happened and it makes me feel depressed, but I'm a little scared to talk to certain people about it because i happen to be male and the person who done it to me still goes to my school and i see him every day
    Blackrosebat Blackrosebat 16-17, M 2 Responses May 21

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    it happened again. I just don't understand the

    universe anymore. Sure, everybody gets a bit of tragedy, but I can't take anymore. This time is too much.
    KittyCunt KittyCunt 18-21, F 2 Responses May 25

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    The Right Thing- Doesn't Mean Your Weak

    I told my story "the story of how" but I believe it's time I tell about the second time, the time the will always haunt me. Not long after Aaron and Charlie raped me, Charlie said sorry and I forgave him. Just a short while later, I was walking, just out for a walk, when Aaron...
    oOoAllieoOo oOoAllieoOo 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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    5 men raped me and i dunno what to do cause I

    cant stop thinking about them and what happened. My dad thinks its my fault cause i opened the door when I was alone but I didnt know it was bad people and I like swear I didnt want them to do it. Now I feel like a gross freak.
    hollyjollyholly hollyjollyholly 13-15, F 5 Responses May 29

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    When I was 10, I began to experience a period

    of rape that would last until I was 12. Ever since it started, I've been very different as a person. When I was a kid, I was eager to do everything. I had hobbies that excited me, and I actually looked forward to doing things. Now I'm a ******* wreck, and the more I think about...
    KoopyKoop KoopyKoop 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 6

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    So my new bf doesn't know anything about my

    sexual abuse, but he is just moving a little too fast for me.... Or I'm going at a slow pace. He wants to kiss, I don't. He wants to be intimate, I don't. He's threatening to leave me because he thinks that I'm being secretive. I just don't want him to know about all the stuff...
    GodsArte GodsArte 18-21, F 7 Responses Jun 18

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    Its been almost 2 years

    since it happened and it's still the only thing I constantly think about.. I was 14 and was pulled in a room by my ex boyfriends best friend.. I was a virgin and the worst part is no one even came to save me.. I screamed, cried.. Nothing... I was tortured and no one seemed to...
    christina6005 christina6005 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    I love thinking about rape,

    at the age of 11 I started my own brothel, I am now 47 with 18 of my "own" children that I "adopted". Just thinking about my anus getting ripped by a giant gang of mussely men makes me horny to this very day.
    dickballs69 dickballs69 70+, T 3 Responses Jun 14

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    He pleaded not guilty the other day

    which was completely unexpected seems he has already been found guilty for a separate case :/
    livelaughlove0987 livelaughlove0987 18-21, F 23 Responses May 10

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