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I Cant Stop Thinking About My Rape

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,240 People

    i hate no being in control.

    you took that when you raped me. i cant get that control back i lash out because im not in control anymore. A knife along my wrist the minute the blood flows i feel alive and in control albeit for a couple of minutes no one can hurt me just for those few minutes i am normal
    rainydays85 rainydays85 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 25, 2015

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    Why Me?

    Ok this is the fourth time in less than a year. I'm sick of this! Me and my boyfriend were goofing off you know having fun. We were in his room. Oops! He knew about my past already. I thought he would never do something like this to me. I was wrong. Of course. So we just...
    Crazylover15 Crazylover15 18-21, F 10 Responses May 15, 2013

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    The second time I was raped was

    when I was 12. I was at my kind of boyfriends house we were hanging out watching a movie like we did on most week ends. It was August 15th 2009. One minute we were watching a movie and the next minute he was on top of me and we were making out. He started touching me down there...
    Teenmommy16 Teenmommy16 18-21, F 4 Responses Dec 17, 2013

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    I HATE YOU WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE YOU RAPED ME

    I WISH YOU WERE STANDING HERE IN FRONT OF ME NOW I WOULD HAVE NO HESITATION IN MAKING YOU FEEL WHAT I HAD TO FEEL
    rainydays85 rainydays85 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 1, 2015

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    I Am...

    I cannot move, I cannot see, I cannot speak, But I hear, I feel, I feel the dirt burry my bones Each grain filling all the crevasses All the fractures, All the breaks, All the cuts, New and old I hear the footsteps of the man above, Pacing back and forth, His breath...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses May 10, 2011

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    I Was Raped By A Stranger

    One night I was walking to the station and three people approached me, as I was suffering depression and into drugs they offered me a smoke. But I figured out this was set up. One guy was out of sight and then I had a sudden grab from the back with his arm around my throat...
    Ka1tie Ka1tie 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 17, 2013

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    I hate that someone can

    so consistently affect my life while they get to go about there's like nothing happened.
    TeslaH TeslaH 22-25, F Jul 31, 2015

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    I can't it has hunted me every single day

    since it happened! I can still hear then laughing at me, feel them touching me, I can still smell them! I can see them every time I close my eyes and they hunt my dreams!
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jun 6, 2015

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    The Right Thing- Doesn't Mean Your Weak

    I told my story "the story of how" but I believe it's time I tell about the second time, the time the will always haunt me. Not long after Aaron and Charlie raped me, Charlie said sorry and I forgave him. Just a short while later, I was walking, just out for a walk, when Aaron...
    oOoAllieoOo oOoAllieoOo 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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    Thirteen And Silent, Until Now

    When i was 13, i had already a very developed body. Men near by where i live started longing for me and they would try to get my attention whenever they would see me. Eventually a really handsome guy chased me endlesly until i gave in,he was 23, i was 13... he started inviting...
    16 Responses Jan 12, 2013

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    Shards of porcelain imbedded in my skin I'm

    your porcelain doll Maybe Im just as fragile Hold me tight but don't break me I am yours Please forgive me I didn't mean to love It just happened Push me, throw me You shattered me All that's left is broken glass You'll never clean up the mess That's why I'm laying here in bed...
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 8 Responses Feb 7, 2014

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    I Was Raped By My Best Friends Dad

    i am beckey 15 from england i was haveing a sleep over at my friends house she had gone out with her mum and left me in bed when i woke up her dad was sat on the bottom of the bed he had his **** out and was wanking it i told him to get out but he just sat there when i got out of...
    princessbeckey princessbeckey 22-25, F 46 Responses May 11, 2013

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    I Ended Up Enjoying Being Raped....

    I know the title probably throws most readers off and ****** off the ones whose rape was traumatizing. Normally, people think of rape as a bad thing, invasion of privacy, having their innocence stolen etc… I really didn’t think of it that way. I actually enjoyed it… A LOT...
    iwant2seestars iwant2seestars 26-30, F 39 Responses Mar 13, 2013

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    I know people say that they have healed

    or is healing from this, but do you REALLY heal? Others that have never been thru this don't know what it takes to get up everyday and still try to function. The triggers, dreams, and flashbacks never stop. I'm 31 and still have them.
    Savien8 Savien8 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 15, 2015

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    no matter how hard I try to push the thoughts

    away its always there, nagging me every hour of the day. The worst is when I close my eyes to sleep every detail every sound every voice everything is so vivid and real and just continuously plays over and over. During the day I can at least find something to distract my mind...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    When I was 10, I began to experience a period

    of rape that would last until I was 12. Ever since it started, I've been very different as a person. When I was a kid, I was eager to do everything. I had hobbies that excited me, and I actually looked forward to doing things. Now I'm a ******* wreck, and the more I think about...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jun 6, 2015

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    Some days are better

    than others. I know I won't be better overnight, but I hope it's on it's way soon! Recovery!
    Sweetgirl4u2 Sweetgirl4u2 31-35, F 7 Responses Jun 27, 2015

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    when I was 12 up until the age of 14 I was

    raped by my neighbour. This has been hard for me because I have always felt ashamed to tell anyone as I saw it as my fault. It has only been recently that I have not seen it as my fault but my rapists fault instead. I still struggle with intimate relationships and it was only 1...
    fightingwithyou fightingwithyou 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 16, 2015

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    They think I am happy.

    They don't know that I am drinking to try and forget how he felt inside me, how the dirt tasted and the air smelt as he pushed my face into the ground. I see him whenever I close my eyes. I hear him saying those nasty things to me when I am pretending to listen to my friends...
    TheaLakelyn TheaLakelyn 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 24

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    Why Is He Still Out There??

    I was nearly 16 when I was raped Im nearly 21 now and that nasty man is still out there. My Mom knew him years ago when she was smaller, she was out one night with herfriend when they bumped into each other they hadnt seen each other in about 20 years. So they kept in touch then...
    freedz21 freedz21 18-21, F 8 Responses Nov 2, 2012

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    Maybe is will make me feel better you know

    maybe telling alil of my story these past 4 days have been hell I can not sleep I can't cry anymore the one thing I hate when people say oh you could of done more I called the cops my so called friend that left me at my ex boyfriends house our story's did not match up I was...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses May 26, 2015

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    I was raped twice in one month,

    both by guys I considered friends and never would have thought would do it. I guess it wasn't technically rape, but i said no to both of them multiple times. At first it wasn't as serious, but then I started to get more serious about it. Until I finally just gave in. I'm a small...
    fieldofwings fieldofwings 18-21, F 5 Responses Dec 15, 2013

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    Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...

    People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on. Let me tell you a little something about that.. When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul I wasn't beaten or anything the...
    NotAllScarsCanBeSeen NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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    This happened when I was 14.

    I was at home and my tutor had just come over. I'll call her Sarah. I was dressed in a red t-shirt and pink shorts with no socks since it was a hot day. Just prior to her coming over I had taken a shower and forgot to put my bra on. Sarah is a very beautiful woman. 38 yrs old...
    susanhaynes19 susanhaynes19 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 9, 2015

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    When I was 7, I met a boy more

    than twice my age at the time. He pretended like he was my friend. He was my only friend. One day he took me for a walk in a park. There is very wooded area behind it that I always used to play in. We got fairly far out when we met up with a group of 5 more boys. his friends. I...
    FakingTheFlowers FakingTheFlowers 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 8, 2014

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    I feel like no one wants me

    because of my rape. I mean what guy wants a girl whos been raped? None. I feel like I'm just a sex object, not even a person anymore. Who wants a girl who let her uncle do that to her? Will I ever be comfortable with a guy? Becuase of what happened I can never trust guys and I...
    musicismysalvation musicismysalvation 18-21, F 12 Responses Mar 17, 2014

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    I Cant Stop Thinking About It, It Turns Me On To Think And Talk About It

    I was raped when i was 14 for the first time by my dads 35 year old friend. It lasted until i was almost 17. He kept coming back, almost every day. He told me I was his girlfriend but in reality i was his sex slave. My dad didnt do anything about it so it continued. But I'm...
    amandapanda1977 amandapanda1977 36-40, F 6 Responses Nov 17, 2013

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    I hate thinking of it Nd everytime I do it

    makes me sick till I puck
    MaxwellFeelFree69 MaxwellFeelFree69 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 4, 2015

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    At a young age of 12 I trusted someone I

    shouldnt have... But I was young... To young to see who he really was... He is the reason I can't connect to people like I used to... He is the reason that sex is something that terrifies me... He is the reason I was raped...
    littleONEE littleONEE 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 1, 2015

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    I want to tell my father

    so badly but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what it will do to him,afraid of how he will look at me afterwards. I lost so much that night. My virginity,my sanity and it's starting to feel like my life. I want to speak out before its too late.
    TheGirlFromJupiter TheGirlFromJupiter 18-21 8 Responses Jul 19, 2015

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    it happened again. I just don't understand the

    universe anymore. Sure, everybody gets a bit of tragedy, but I can't take anymore. This time is too much.
    KittyCunt KittyCunt 18-21, F 2 Responses May 25, 2015

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    I had a family counselor

    when I was ten and while my mom was talking with her in another room, I was in her daughters room playing with her toys, the father walked in and told me to follow him, I was 10 so I didn't think twice about an adult telling me to do something. He took me to another room and...
    78mer22 78mer22 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 6, 2015

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    I was 9 the first time I was raped.

    I was out with friends at the mall and they'd all gotten picked up first. My mom was going to be late so I waited at the food court. Suddenly a man came and sat next to me. He was a larger, hispanic man, about 5'9. He asked where my mom was. I was instantly afraid. I froze. I...
    Deadcatt Deadcatt 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 18

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    I can't stop thinking about my rape experience,

    it happened only months ago but I remember it so vividly that, even to this day, terrifies me. I'll spare you all the gory details of the event but I would really appreciate some advice on how to STOP thinking about it. Thanks, Lottie.
    askyfullofnarry askyfullofnarry 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 12, 2015

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    Its been almost 2 years

    since it happened and it's still the only thing I constantly think about.. I was 14 and was pulled in a room by my ex boyfriends best friend.. I was a virgin and the worst part is no one even came to save me.. I screamed, cried.. Nothing... I was tortured and no one seemed to...
    christina6005 christina6005 46-50, F 1 Response Jun 17, 2015

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    I Was Gang-raped!

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 22 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    What Happened In Brother'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    I was brutally raped several months ago by a

    multitude of males and now I am carrying someone's twin sons. I just cannot bring myself to having an abortion. I have decided to let a childless interracial couple adopt my sons. I have nightmares several times a week. Also, I cry quite frequently on weekends. I am going...
    olderandpregnantfemale olderandpregnantfemale 46-50, F 16 Responses Jan 30, 2014

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    I try not to dwell on it

    but it's easier said than done. What gets me angry is that that event changed my life completely, and I know for a fact that that guy doesn't give a ****, to him I was probably just a random girl he ****** one night. He'd never know that I had planned to save my virginity for my...
    princessfenty princessfenty 18-21, F Jul 8, 2015

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    i am going though court

    and it seems to be taking forever but i just keep thinking of all the people i will help by doing this :)
    livelaughlove0987 livelaughlove0987 18-21, F 5 Responses Apr 5, 2015

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    I spent three and a half years in a relationship

    where I was sexually assaulted and raped repeatedly. Sometime during that experience, my boyfriend at the time told me that he had touched his sister. I don't know why it didn't bother me at the time but I just accepted it. Recently his mother just got remarried and her new...
    TeslaH TeslaH 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 30, 2015

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    If you havent read my other ones then you might

    want to do so before reading here. So Bobby made it a habbit of dropping by my house(actually his since he owned it)when dad wasn't home which was basically all the time and forcing me to do things with him. One time I thought he was just there to f8ck me again but instead...
    amandapanda1977 amandapanda1977 36-40, F 2 Responses Dec 18, 2013

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    I still feel so dirty.

    I shower 3-4 times a day. ive even scrubbed myself with steel wool a few times. its been a year, shouldn't this get better?
    Zeydian Zeydian 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 23, 2015

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    I was raped by my ex boyfriend quite a few

    times. I thought that it was normal & what I deserved. I stayed with him for 2 years. It wasn't a constant thing. But he raped me 4 times. I eventually got out and this was 3 years ago and I thought I was finally free. But I'm not. I can't form relationships with guys. I've...
    tvdlover1865 tvdlover1865 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 2, 2015

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    I love thinking about rape,

    at the age of 11 I started my own brothel, I am now 47 with 18 of my "own" children that I "adopted". Just thinking about my anus getting ripped by a giant gang of mussely men makes me horny to this very day.
    dickballs69 dickballs69 70+, T 1 Response Jun 14, 2015

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