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I Cant Stop Thinking About My Rape

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,200 People

    I was brutally raped several months ago by a

    multitude of males and now I am carrying someone's twin sons. I just cannot bring myself to having an abortion. I have decided to let a childless interracial couple adopt my sons. I have nightmares several times a week. Also, I cry quite frequently on weekends. I am going...
    olderandpregnantfemale olderandpregnantfemale 41-45, F 16 Responses Jan 30, 2014

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    It's been a couple of years

    and I still think of it. Not because I want to but because I keep having nightmares and I started going out with guy and I thought no problem because I would be over what happened to me but when he tried to get close to me like just a little kiss or hug me or hold hands with me...
    avey10 avey10 18-21, F 5 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    I keep replaying what happened in my mind.

    I really just want to forget about it. It affected me more than people know. It happened recently. And I just feel so gross. I told my mom two days after it happened and she makes me feel like it's my fault and makes me wish I didn't tell her. She keeps say "why didn't you...
    Robin1226 Robin1226 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 7

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    It's been a couple of years

    and I still think of it. Not because I want to but because I keep having nightmares and I started going out with guy and I thought no problem because I would be over what happened to me but when he tried to get close to me like just a little kiss or hug me or hold hands with me...
    avey10 avey10 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 26, 2014

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    First year College. I was new to the City,

    just moved there all be my self. I lived in a dormroom With 13 other guys, the College i went to there was mostly guys. I remember the first party, i have been Drinking at parties since i was 16 so i knew my limit. This extremly handsome guy came over to me and gave me a cup...
    KatEmeliaG KatEmeliaG 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 10, 2014

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    I'm trying hard to understand what you did to

    me. I know what you have told me, I know what others have told me, what I don't understand is why. why? Why did you take something so precious from me, something that was mine to give away, not for you to take. I hate you with everything I am, I despise you, you disgust me, you...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Mar 26, 2014

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    I have been raped 5 times.

    I have never had sex with my permission before. Almost got raped by a group of guys. But someone saved me. Been forced to do many things in my life....
    jgelbz jgelbz 16-17, F 7 Responses Jan 29, 2014

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    I Am...

    I cannot move, I cannot see, I cannot speak, But I hear, I feel, I feel the dirt burry my bones Each grain filling all the crevasses All the fractures, All the breaks, All the cuts, New and old I hear the footsteps of the man above, Pacing back and forth, His breath...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Why Me?

    Ok this is the fourth time in less than a year. I'm sick of this! Me and my boyfriend were goofing off you know having fun. We were in his room. Oops! He knew about my past already. I thought he would never do something like this to me. I was wrong. Of course. So we just...
    Crazylover15 Crazylover15 18-21, F 10 Responses May 15, 2013

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    Okay, I'm just going to put it all out there

    and say it. I was raped when I was 12 years old by my step father. My parent's divorced when I was like seven and It affected me in some ways. Like I've said before I'm a big brat and I've always been that way, so I made it really hard on my mom whenever I couldn't see my dad...
    ChildOfHarmony ChildOfHarmony 16-17, F 4 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    well.. it's more the nightmares.

    .. i'll often wake up in the middle of the night in a bit of a panic.. realizing I'm ok, and safe in my room.
    hayliepartychick hayliepartychick 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 8, 2014

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    I feel like no one wants me

    because of my rape. I mean what guy wants a girl whos been raped? None. I feel like I'm just a sex object, not even a person anymore. Who wants a girl who let her uncle do that to her? Will I ever be comfortable with a guy? Becuase of what happened I can never trust guys and I...
    musicismysalvation musicismysalvation 16-17, F 11 Responses Mar 17, 2014

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    Shards of porcelain imbedded in my skin I'm

    your porcelain doll Maybe Im just as fragile Hold me tight but don't break me I am yours Please forgive me I didn't mean to love It just happened Push me, throw me You shattered me All that's left is broken glass You'll never clean up the mess That's why I'm laying here in bed...
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 8 Responses Feb 7, 2014

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    What Happened In Brother'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    My stories are not why Im here Im here

    because I know what its like to have no one believe you to be abandoned when you need someone the most the pain the shame and the fear the constant looking over your shoulder I want to help you to listen and be there the way I needed someone to be there for me after those...
    Kitten2514 Kitten2514 22-25, F 4 Responses Aug 31, 2014

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    Dont Trust Men

    It all started when I was 7. I was molested it continued till I was 13 thats when he raped me. I had the courage to tell a teacher at school. They called health and human services. They just let him go cause it was close to him being 18. Because of him I still cant trust men.
    vgambler vgambler 26-30, F 3 Responses Sep 14, 2012

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    Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...

    People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on. Let me tell you a little something about that.. When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul I wasn't beaten or anything the...
    NotAllScarsCanBeSeen NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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    no matter how hard I try to push the thoughts

    away its always there, nagging me every hour of the day. The worst is when I close my eyes to sleep every detail every sound every voice everything is so vivid and real and just continuously plays over and over. During the day I can at least find something to distract my mind...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    The police didnt believe me.

    Neither did my parents. The only people who know are my 2 best friends, my brothers and my parents and police but they think I cried wolf. When I was in grade 7 I started hanging out with some grade 8's who go invited to high school parties. I got my drink drugged and woke up...
    QuinnMac12 QuinnMac12 13-15, F 4 Responses Aug 22, 2014

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    Its Getting Harder

    I don't really fancy going into detail about what happened to me, to be honest I can't even say the word of what's happened to me. I have really bad anxiety and a mood disorder and what happened is making it worse. Night times are the worst, I get so down, and not like when...
    SecretGirl14 SecretGirl14 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2013

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    I am 21 when I was. 12 my brother let his

    friend rape me while he made shore no one would come in then his friend told me if I told he would kill me then he cut my legs with metal and walked off. when I was 16 I was again raped by a person I know I took him to court but he was found not guilty it was so scary being...
    rishellandrayne rishellandrayne 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 5, 2014

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    The second time I was raped was

    when I was 12. I was at my kind of boyfriends house we were hanging out watching a movie like we did on most week ends. It was August 15th 2009. One minute we were watching a movie and the next minute he was on top of me and we were making out. He started touching me down there...
    Teenmommy16 Teenmommy16 16-17, F 5 Responses Dec 17, 2013

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    After that night, I ran a lot to keep my mind

    off of it. One day I went for a run and there was a man walking maybe 100 feet behind me. I had the worst feeling of terror go through my body. I started to pick up my pace and I was so incredibly scared that he would catch up to me and hurt me. But then he turned into a house...
    jessicaellise jessicaellise 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 7, 2014

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    People keep wanting to help me with my rape.

    But how can they help me when I can't even understand what happened! I have so many questions but no answers.
    ThatTattooedGirl ThatTattooedGirl 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    My dad raped me last week.

    He was drunk and claimed that he had the right to anything he wanted. Then, all I can remember is extreme pain and waking in a hospital a few hours later. I have flashbacks every day after that, re-experience the pain again and again. I cannot sleep well these days, since I...
    ElsaBlack ElsaBlack 13-15, F 2 Responses Oct 4, 2014

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    I'm not really ready to talk about what

    happened to me. It happened 13 years ago. I tried to kill myself 2 1/2 years later. Since then I've buried it. I thought I was over it but I never really told anyone what happened. I recently got overwhelmed and I told someone the whole story. They have been supporting me for...
    noonespecial44 noonespecial44 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 17

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    The Right Thing- Doesn't Mean Your Weak

    I told my story "the story of how" but I believe it's time I tell about the second time, the time the will always haunt me. Not long after Aaron and Charlie raped me, Charlie said sorry and I forgave him. Just a short while later, I was walking, just out for a walk, when Aaron...
    oOoAllieoOo oOoAllieoOo 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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    I've been raped 3 times,

    and have had struggles with myself and people I meet. Getting close with anyone is really tough to fight with. These demons I face constantly, are always apart of who I am mentally and physically.
    kbsmash12 kbsmash12 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    When I was 7, I met a boy more

    than twice my age at the time. He pretended like he was my friend. He was my only friend. One day he took me for a walk in a park. There is very wooded area behind it that I always used to play in. We got fairly far out when we met up with a group of 5 more boys. his friends. I...
    FakingTheFlowers FakingTheFlowers 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    I was ill,Mentally and

    even though I was 20 because of my mental state I wasn't able to go on nights out so I snuck out and went to a busy bar on my own, it was fine until it finished and I got paranoid walking down a quiet road and started seeing things and so this guy approached me and we chatted,I...
    lyndsay22 lyndsay22 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 16

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    I was 13. So was he. He was my kind of

    boyfriend. I repressed it until last year when I was 18. The nightmares and flashbacks have stopped but my life is completely messed up. I can't have a relationship. The idea of dating scares me. The idea of kids scares me more. The stupid thing is though I really want to have...
    deleted deleted 26-30 5 Responses Jul 12, 2014

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    I was raped twice in one month,

    both by guys I considered friends and never would have thought would do it. I guess it wasn't technically rape, but i said no to both of them multiple times. At first it wasn't as serious, but then I started to get more serious about it. Until I finally just gave in. I'm a small...
    fieldofwings fieldofwings 18-21, F 6 Responses Dec 15, 2013

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    I Hate Him For What He Did

    when i was younger  I was the Girl who got made fun of so when the oppertunity arised to go out with someone i took it. my friend got my talking to this guy he seemed normal on the phone like he cared, he was my friends friend how bad could he be! one night in december i decided...
    blueeyedangel25 blueeyedangel25 22-25, F 9 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    When I was 5 my moms brother came to me

    and asked me to come to his room he was 15 at the time. I didn't know better so when he started to rape me I never said anything it ended when I was 8 and I moved away. I finally told my family about it when I was 15. They didn't talk to me for six months. I am 18 now and I...
    Haleyisme Haleyisme 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2014

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    I Was Gang-raped!

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 20 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    Online Relationship Anxiety II: The Update Hi

    everyone at EP. I hadn't been in Experience Project overly a year and there's a lot to talk about. But first...I want to talk about this girl that's been affecting my life the most and who's very important in my life. If you read my Online Relationship Anxiety, which is in I...
    Gonzobdd Gonzobdd 18-21, M Dec 28, 2014

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    it's hard to not think about your rape everyday

    when some people don't always understand that traumatizes you for the rest of your life. for those who got a disease or pregnant for being raped I know how you feel I was with a abusive man for two years to scared to leave cause every time I tried he'd find me anyway possible...
    mandyvargas18 mandyvargas18 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 5

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    It's like every detail keeps replaying in my

    head . Why can't I just let it go? It's been 2 years and still today seeing your face would kill me . I want to hurt you . Physically . Emotionally . I want to scar you for the rest of your life and let you lay awake thinking about me for no reason . I haven't thought about you...
    Alylovespuppies Alylovespuppies 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 8

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    I Was Gang Raped.

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    I Am Strong.

    Hello, I am a 15 year old girl and i would like to share my painful experience with people who truly understand. I was in my room, voice chatting with a close friend of my for a very long time. My window was open, and it was dark. My parents were out of town, taking my younger...
    shjfstjoxsropvdsru shjfstjoxsropvdsru 13-15, F 26 Responses Jul 6, 2012

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    Has anyone been raped/molested by a parent?

    Every time I see him I feel sick. I'm so uncomfortable around him. I can't & won't tell anyone in my family. They don't even know they did it, they were too drunk. Why do other girls get nice families? Why do other girls get to go through life and trust their fathers, why does...
    kbeary kbeary 18-21, F 5 Responses Sep 16, 2014

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    Didn't Think It'd Ever Happen To Me.

    I was 15, I had only turned 15 a week before when it happened. It was Christmas Eve, about 2 in the morning. The unthinkable had happened to me. Something I thought would have never happened to me. About two or three weeks earlier, I got up at around 6am to get ready for school...
    ConfidentialGirl ConfidentialGirl 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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    I am 15 years old and

    when I was 13 my step dad raped me and it still going on. i didn't know what to do I cried, begged him to stop but he just wouldn't stop! I told my mum but she just called me a liar. It's all my fault I could of stopped him but I didn't everything is my fault.
    Arabellathebeautiful Arabellathebeautiful 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I wants to be kidnapped

    and raped by a female please i lives in south wales pm me and ill give you my full adress to come get me
    sissyslave18 sissyslave18 18-21, M 2 Responses Jul 31, 2014

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    I keep looking for validation from other people

    that what happened to me was horrific. I guess it's because part of me still can't seem to get it into her head that it was rape and wasn't my fault.
    mwdot mwdot 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 15, 2014

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    What Happened In Brither'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    Last night was bad...

    I have had dreams about it before and dreams about home before but none as bad as this. I'm so scared he's going to get me back now, I don't feel safe anywhere.
    lostgirl2001 lostgirl2001 13-15, F Jan 14

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    Holiday From Hell

    When I was 15 I went on a long family holiday, whilst on holiday I got a lot of unwanted attention from guys. Before this holiday I was dating a guy that I'd been with for a few years. I had lost my virginity to him a few months before my rape. He was my first for everything...
    JAP93 JAP93 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 11, 2013

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    it happened 5 years ago

    and I still can't forget it
    dorabergen dorabergen 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 8

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    My Rape As A Kid

    Everything was fine that nice April day. I started dating my ex again, I had a nice dinner with my family, I learned how to do a cartwheel. I was 12 years old that day when my cousin age 23 took me to the store on the way home he gave me a cigarette. I asked for a drink so I...
    MissJuliet MissJuliet 16-17, F 8 Responses Jul 21, 2011

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    He's Everywhere.

    My stepfather is everywhere. Ever since he was convicted of what he did to me a year ago, I can't get him out of my mind. He pleaded guilty and gave a sorry excuse of an apology, but he sure wasnt sorry when he was doing it. I feel even worse when I think about the fact that my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Sep 6, 2011

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