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I Cant Stop Thinking About My Rape

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,284 People

    It's like every detail keeps replaying in my

    head . Why can't I just let it go? It's been 2 years and still today seeing your face would kill me . I want to hurt you . Physically . Emotionally . I want to scar you for the rest of your life and let you lay awake thinking about me for no reason . I haven't thought about you...
    Alylovespuppies Alylovespuppies 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 8

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    Didn't Think It'd Ever Happen To Me.

    I was 15, I had only turned 15 a week before when it happened. It was Christmas Eve, about 2 in the morning. The unthinkable had happened to me. Something I thought would have never happened to me. About two or three weeks earlier, I got up at around 6am to get ready for school...
    ConfidentialGirl ConfidentialGirl 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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    Why Me?

    Ok this is the fourth time in less than a year. I'm sick of this! Me and my boyfriend were goofing off you know having fun. We were in his room. Oops! He knew about my past already. I thought he would never do something like this to me. I was wrong. Of course. So we just...
    Crazylover15 Crazylover15 18-21, F 10 Responses May 15, 2013

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    I Am...

    I cannot move, I cannot see, I cannot speak, But I hear, I feel, I feel the dirt burry my bones Each grain filling all the crevasses All the fractures, All the breaks, All the cuts, New and old I hear the footsteps of the man above, Pacing back and forth, His breath...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses May 10, 2011

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    I feel like no one wants me

    because of my rape. I mean what guy wants a girl whos been raped? None. I feel like I'm just a sex object, not even a person anymore. Who wants a girl who let her uncle do that to her? Will I ever be comfortable with a guy? Becuase of what happened I can never trust guys and I...
    musicismysalvation musicismysalvation 18-21, F 11 Responses Mar 17, 2014

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    I am 15 years old and

    when I was 13 my step dad raped me and it still going on. i didn't know what to do I cried, begged him to stop but he just wouldn't stop! I told my mum but she just called me a liar. It's all my fault I could of stopped him but I didn't everything is my fault.
    Arabellathebeautiful Arabellathebeautiful 13-15, F 4 Responses Jan 25

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    Holiday From Hell

    When I was 15 I went on a long family holiday, whilst on holiday I got a lot of unwanted attention from guys. Before this holiday I was dating a guy that I'd been with for a few years. I had lost my virginity to him a few months before my rape. He was my first for everything...
    JAP93 JAP93 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 11, 2013

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    This isn't common but I actually enjoyed my

    rape changed my life ever since then I've always played in my booty I feel my heart beat in the hole that's when I know it's hungry for more ;)
    Horseofdiffcolor Horseofdiffcolor 22-25, T 3 Responses Mar 10

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    I was around 14 years old

    when it happened. I had just recently started meeting up with an 'emo' looking guy, he was 19 and I was 14, but that's not important. In this story I'll call my (then) boyfriend Jake and his best friend Ryan. Jake, Jakes brother and Ryan were all at Jakes house drinking...
    Laurajane94 Laurajane94 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 29

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    Dont Trust Men

    It all started when I was 7. I was molested it continued till I was 13 thats when he raped me. I had the courage to tell a teacher at school. They called health and human services. They just let him go cause it was close to him being 18. Because of him I still cant trust men.
    vgambler vgambler 26-30, F 3 Responses Sep 14, 2012

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    I have been raped 5 times.

    I have never had sex with my permission before. Almost got raped by a group of guys. But someone saved me. Been forced to do many things in my life....
    jgelbz jgelbz 16-17, F 8 Responses Jan 29, 2014

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    I have already posted my experiences in this

    category, but that was nearly two years ago. Two. Years. Ago. And it's still bothering me, or I wouldn't be here. Having met with a therapist a few times over the last year, and having had a boyfriend (previous) who was very understanding (the first person I opened up to about...
    quirkygirl520 quirkygirl520 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 9

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    Shards of porcelain imbedded in my skin I'm

    your porcelain doll Maybe Im just as fragile Hold me tight but don't break me I am yours Please forgive me I didn't mean to love It just happened Push me, throw me You shattered me All that's left is broken glass You'll never clean up the mess That's why I'm laying here in bed...
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 8 Responses Feb 7, 2014

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    Why Is He Still Out There??

    I was nearly 16 when I was raped Im nearly 21 now and that nasty man is still out there. My Mom knew him years ago when she was smaller, she was out one night with herfriend when they bumped into each other they hadnt seen each other in about 20 years. So they kept in touch then...
    freedz21 freedz21 18-21, F 7 Responses Nov 2, 2012

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    I was ill,Mentally and

    even though I was 20 because of my mental state I wasn't able to go on nights out so I snuck out and went to a busy bar on my own, it was fine until it finished and I got paranoid walking down a quiet road and started seeing things and so this guy approached me and we chatted,I...
    lyndsay22 lyndsay22 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 16

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    tonight is really bad.

    I feel alone. scared. suicidal. I want to die. I just want someone to talk to who understands. I don't like to bother people but I feel like everyone that I had has left me.
    GodsArte GodsArte 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 31

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    I Was Gang Raped.

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    It's been a couple of years

    and I still think of it. Not because I want to but because I keep having nightmares and I started going out with guy and I thought no problem because I would be over what happened to me but when he tried to get close to me like just a little kiss or hug me or hold hands with me...
    avey10 avey10 18-21, F 5 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    Last night was bad...

    I have had dreams about it before and dreams about home before but none as bad as this. I'm so scared he's going to get me back now, I don't feel safe anywhere.
    lostgirl2001 lostgirl2001 13-15, F Jan 14

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    The Right Thing- Doesn't Mean Your Weak

    I told my story "the story of how" but I believe it's time I tell about the second time, the time the will always haunt me. Not long after Aaron and Charlie raped me, Charlie said sorry and I forgave him. Just a short while later, I was walking, just out for a walk, when Aaron...
    oOoAllieoOo oOoAllieoOo 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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    Online Relationship Anxiety II: The Update Hi

    everyone at EP. I hadn't been in Experience Project overly a year and there's a lot to talk about. But first...I want to talk about this girl that's been affecting my life the most and who's very important in my life. If you read my Online Relationship Anxiety, which is in I...
    Gonzobdd Gonzobdd 18-21, M Dec 28, 2014

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    Please. ... I'm sorry.

    . Please, leave her, she won't tell another. but the monster's still after her! few conquering moments later... With tiny arms above her head, bruised from being dragged on the hard floor covered with carpet, The monster towered above her. he let himself into her innocence...
    sexijai sexijai 22-25, F Feb 8

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    I was brutally raped several months ago by a

    multitude of males and now I am carrying someone's twin sons. I just cannot bring myself to having an abortion. I have decided to let a childless interracial couple adopt my sons. I have nightmares several times a week. Also, I cry quite frequently on weekends. I am going...
    olderandpregnantfemale olderandpregnantfemale 41-45, F 16 Responses Jan 30, 2014

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    How do I tell her that this has happened?

    It's not like I've never told anybody before because I have. I've never said the word rape out loud before and it's still quite painful to type- when I last told somebody, I hinted to it and hoped that they realised what I meant. She already knows that I sometimes make myself...
    hopeandsoul hopeandsoul 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 28

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    so because I'm preparing to tell my therapist,

    I've decided to tell my story here first... I am nervous. please forgive me... I remember what happened but I'm just going to toe or the way I remember best right now... sorry if it's choppy. I don't want to say everything that happened, but I think it's time I get the basics...
    GodsArte GodsArte 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 29

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    I was raped twice in one month,

    both by guys I considered friends and never would have thought would do it. I guess it wasn't technically rape, but i said no to both of them multiple times. At first it wasn't as serious, but then I started to get more serious about it. Until I finally just gave in. I'm a small...
    fieldofwings fieldofwings 18-21, F 6 Responses Dec 15, 2013

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    I Was Gang-raped!

    I went out with my first girlfriend in the Spring of 2011 (the end of my college freshmen year) One day, she invited me over to her house for a couple movies, & she wrapped her arms around me & kept whispering in my ear & it just felt so right, I decided to give in. So, we...
    ilovecherries92 ilovecherries92 18-21, F 21 Responses Dec 18, 2012

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    it's hard to not think about your rape everyday

    when some people don't always understand that traumatizes you for the rest of your life. for those who got a disease or pregnant for being raped I know how you feel I was with a abusive man for two years to scared to leave cause every time I tried he'd find me anyway possible...
    mandyvargas18 mandyvargas18 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 5

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    I want to forget about what happened to me

    as a child when I was raped but I just can't and need desperate help from someone in a similar situation
    naturallyhappy naturallyhappy 16-17, F 3 days ago

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    Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...

    People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on. Let me tell you a little something about that.. When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul I wasn't beaten or anything the...
    NotAllScarsCanBeSeen NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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    anyone had muscle sorenes like in their back

    or leg the day after? idk if it from the rape
    darkdecember93 darkdecember93 18-21, F 8 Responses Jan 27

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    When I was 7, I met a boy more

    than twice my age at the time. He pretended like he was my friend. He was my only friend. One day he took me for a walk in a park. There is very wooded area behind it that I always used to play in. We got fairly far out when we met up with a group of 5 more boys. his friends. I...
    FakingTheFlowers FakingTheFlowers 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 8, 2014

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    I hate thinking about it,

    I can never really explain how I feel and I am just not at ease... I hate my down days..
    GodsArte GodsArte 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    My Rape As A Kid

    Everything was fine that nice April day. I started dating my ex again, I had a nice dinner with my family, I learned how to do a cartwheel. I was 12 years old that day when my cousin age 23 took me to the store on the way home he gave me a cigarette. I asked for a drink so I...
    MissJuliet MissJuliet 16-17, F 8 Responses Jul 21, 2011

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    Its Getting Harder

    I don't really fancy going into detail about what happened to me, to be honest I can't even say the word of what's happened to me. I have really bad anxiety and a mood disorder and what happened is making it worse. Night times are the worst, I get so down, and not like when...
    SecretGirl14 SecretGirl14 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2013

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    I was raped a year ago

    and I still can't stop thinking about it. I talk about it a lot more than it should and I definitely feel like it defines me as a person but I can't seem to think about it any other way. I worry I'll never have sex again and that no one will ever want to date with me and deal...
    lozor19 lozor19 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 22

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    it happened 5 years ago

    and I still can't forget it
    dorabergen dorabergen 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 8

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    I Am Strong.

    Hello, I am a 15 year old girl and i would like to share my painful experience with people who truly understand. I was in my room, voice chatting with a close friend of my for a very long time. My window was open, and it was dark. My parents were out of town, taking my younger...
    shjfstjoxsropvdsru shjfstjoxsropvdsru 13-15, F 26 Responses Jul 6, 2012

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    i am going though court

    and it seems to be taking forever but i just keep thinking of all the people i will help by doing this :)
    livelaughlove0987 livelaughlove0987 18-21, F 5 Responses Apr 5

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    Today is one of those days.

    A snow where I did absolutely nothing but think. Sometimes I don't even know whether or not I can consider certain things that happened rape. I just am out of it today. I ate way too much, wasted an entire day. Maybe it is my fault that I was raped. I just want to talk about it...
    GodsArte GodsArte 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 5

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    I still feel like it was yesterday,

    and can remember being choked out every night and day. Sometimes, even in public. I was tortured and humiliated.. Being forced to do certain acts that would allow him to abuse me. He enjoyed my pain, as well as making sure my life lacked any pleasure. I can still feel his hands...
    LilVixen17 LilVixen17 16-17, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    please someone help me from leaving this

    nightmare o don't know what else to do I have tried therapy, hipnosis, pills, exercise and nothing has worked to forget all this please I'm desperate I NEED HELP!!
    scarlet1413 scarlet1413 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 6

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    I was raped wen I was 11

    and again April 19 2014 but my attacker is now in jail for another crime but I think about it everyday,how he seemed so normal, how he smelled then wen he bragged about it to people on social media like I WANTED it??Makes my stomach turn. Hard to breath and love others
    kaykaycoker kaykaycoker 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 26

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    *this was a dream* I'm at my grandpas house

    for a few days. (the one who molested me and raped my stepmom) last night I was about to go to bed, I guess I feel asleep but it felt so real. I heard my grandpas and sisters voices(she's here with me) I can't recall 100% what they were saying but I knew it was gonna be bad. my...
    SpideyAlyx SpideyAlyx 13-15, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    I'm not really ready to talk about what

    happened to me. It happened 13 years ago. I tried to kill myself 2 1/2 years later. Since then I've buried it. I thought I was over it but I never really told anyone what happened. I recently got overwhelmed and I told someone the whole story. They have been supporting me for...
    noonespecial44 noonespecial44 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 17

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    What Happened In Brither'S Room

    Ok so I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'll try not to make this so long, hmm so I guess I'll start from the first incident.  When I was about I don't know maybe 8 or 9, I was upset at something I don't remember what it was; but I went into my parent's bedroom and locked...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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