I have been in a Christian marriage for 32 years, and the last 10-13 have had very little sex. Like you, it wiil be 3 years this month since the last, and before that 1-3 times a year. I have contemplated looking outside my marriage to satisfy my desire/needs over the years, have come close a few times but chickened out thinking about all the bad things that could come out of it. We also argued a lot, and I told myself if this keeps up, once the kids are out of high school (I feel responsible for them), I should move on. Well, I jumped the gun a little last June. I posted a Craigs List ad and got very fortunate, I think, in my opinion. All I wanted was a lady in the same boat that wanted that sexual release/excitement. I knew I was going way out there, and probably wouldn't find the right situation. I wasn't looking to end my marriage, just get what I needed desperately.
I got one response, and I was pleasantly surprised. Although she was in a similar situation and appreciated my thoughts, after we shared a LOT through email and texts, and met a couple times, we went for it. And we later realized we were falling in love, real love. We had so much in common, what we were both looking for. That was 6 months ago, and not long ago I was found out through leaving an email open on my computer (stupid me) by my wife. I had talked a lot about divorce with my future lady, we are both in dead end marriages. She has 3 boys I would have to help with. Most men wouldn't want this, but I am thinking I could be a better dad to them. Anyway, I think you need to be very careful to cover yor tracks when you do move forward, and be careful about the man you go forward with, but you need to make it work for you. Our marriage covenant was broke when we stopped the intimacy, and went downhill from there. We don't even sleep in the same bed. So I feel rather vindicated in doing this, even though it turned out to be more than I expected. It's a tough decision, but you are in a tough place like I was, and if it's not getting better, what are you waiting for then?