I Crack Myself Up

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 15,746 People

    I had an adventure today,

    carrying out my garbage. I think I broke what the good Lord cracked! I had no choice but to laugh, because I know if anyone saw, they busted up, too! Good thing I have a big butt, with lots of padding!!
    ZenLioNESS719 ZenLioNESS719
    51-55, F
    2 Responses Dec 1, 2015

    How want an online gf i do

    and idk why lol
    babe119 babe119
    18-21, F
    5 Responses Jul 21, 2015

    my boss was telln me to get rid of some bad

    product at work uknow throw it away n she kept saying 69 it insted of 86 it:p..
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    1 Response Mar 5

    If you're going to send me a message,

    then change your settings so I can't talk to you, don't be surprised when you DON'T GET A MESSAGE FROM ME. T_T
    Nixismachina Nixismachina
    16-17, F
    1 Response Jul 16, 2015

    For anyone texting/emailing/private

    messaging/kinky chatting/etc me, let it be known that the following applies. Letters: b c g k r u y These are letters, not words. You will need to add consonants and vowels to make them into words. I understand words. Vowels: a e i o u sometimes y A series of...
    SubSided SubSided
    46-50, F
    6 Responses May 25, 2015

    Home with others, practically Mary Poppins.

    House to myself, time for homework-wine-house-cleaning-dance-party. There is no in-between.
    mippymoop mippymoop
    26-30, F
    Jan 17
    betterthanbono betterthanbono
    26-30, M
    2 Responses Mar 5, 2015

    I often tell myself jokes

    and i end up laughing so hard that it's embarrassing.
    rockinsox22 rockinsox22
    70+, F
    Mar 13

    sometimes I'll think of something funny

    that happened and start laughing and people just look at me like ......what's so funny?
    siciliana88 siciliana88
    26-30, F
    1 Response Mar 4

    I was in the drive through lane at the coffee

    shop heading in to work today. A few cars ahead of me, none behind. Crunchy speedy punk rock turned up way too loud for that hour. Air mic? Check. Air guitar? You bet. Devil horns flying? Is that a serious question? I had just gotten done with this outrageous air drum part on my...
    BrokenViking BrokenViking
    31-35, M
    3 Responses Oct 16, 2015

    I'm and the nicest rudest person,

    like I will deadass hurt your feelings and not give a **** but I'm a sweetheart at the same time..
    LeanMamii LeanMamii
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jan 4

    If you're holding your pee cause you're to lazy

    to get up, it may not be the best choice to watch a tsunami documentary
    makeupismycrack77 makeupismycrack77
    36-40, F
    1 Response Apr 26, 2015

    What kind of boot camp are they still sending

    these Storm Troopers to? They still can't aim worth a damn!
    ToxDoctor ToxDoctor
    41-45, M
    Dec 30, 2015

    When I was in the fourth grade,

    my mom gave me a globe and atlas to put in my room. I'd always circled the places I wanted to go somebody.... Turns out... When I was 11 I wanted to travel to Ethiopia :o
    HeartOfFireyBronzeee HeartOfFireyBronzeee
    18-21, F
    Mar 18

    I didn't do my homework

    for Sunday School tomorrow. I'm going to tell them my Dogma ate it.
    Thisis4fun Thisis4fun
    56-60, M
    2 Responses Dec 19, 2015

    My life is too pitiful,

    too complicated, and I don't think there is someone who can crack me up better than I do
    GotothehellDad GotothehellDad
    22-25, F
    Jan 29

    I must admit after being in a relationship all

    my life almost and now becoming single for the first time and i decided i was going to work on me time so therefore i am alone almost always i no longer drive due to a diablity in my foot so i am stuck behind walls daily talking to myself oh and my dogs and i usually start to...
    lilprincess7771 lilprincess7771
    36-40, F
    1 Response Jan 26

    I was at my bank today waiting in line.

    There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Aug 25, 2015

    joke on a popsicle stick goes like this.

    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Mar 18

    A little picture I have is "Reasons to date me:

    I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to. But you probably will, because I'm hilarious" I always think my jokes are funny and usually laugh a bit too long/hard X)
    AllSmilesAndAwkwardness AllSmilesAndAwkwardness
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 4, 2015
    Cosmic0Potato Cosmic0Potato
    16-17, M
    1 Response Jun 29, 2015
    Pauly1904 Pauly1904
    46-50, M
    1 Response Jan 26

    how do you prepare for an outer space party?

    .... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . you planet!...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    1 Response Mar 12

    It's the best to workout at home

    while watching something motivational. Like Xena.
    mippymoop mippymoop
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jan 17

    time flys like an arrow.

    .. . . . . . . . . . . . fruit flies like a bananana...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Mar 4

    Me and a buddy had just eaten some narly

    shrooms. We went to a bar and a group of little people walked in.......we thought we had turned into giants?
    deleted deleted
    Mar 10

    Sadists! People here are tormenting me with

    poor spelling and grammar!
    SubSided SubSided
    46-50, F
    3 Responses May 31, 2015

    Lady sits down on a train.

    Man sitting next to her turns to her and says, "Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it's going to shatter. You oughta put a bag on that baby's head. That baby is just ugly." The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    Mar 7

    did i ever tell u my computer joke hmmmm?

    ... . . . . where do astronauts like to hang out after a long day of work... . . . . . . . . . . . . AT THE SPACE BAR!
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Feb 27

    Sometimes, I tuck my knees into my vest

    and lean forward. That's just how I roll...
    alaynajanelle alaynajanelle
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Sep 15, 2015

    dear future husband..

    .what do you call a cow with no legs...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    7 Responses Aug 23, 2015

    Two chemists walk in to a bar.

    The bartender asks *what will it be?*....chemist 1 says *ill take an h2o please*. Chemist two nods and says *ill take and H2o too*. Now he's dead
    lawlesslass lawlesslass
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jul 26, 2015

    what do you call a big pile of kitty cats.

    .. . . . . . . . . . . . A MEOWTAIN! (mountain)
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    4 Responses Feb 23

    Is it just me or am I funnier

    when no ones around? Eh, eh? :)
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses May 21, 2015

    SIGN IT:)... https://www.

    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    Mar 25

    A man walks into a bar

    and sees his friend sitting beside a one foot midget who looked like mozart. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?" The man says he found a bottle in the alley and He rubbed the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and a genie tells him that he can have...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    4 Responses Mar 10
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Nov 3, 2015

    I laugh even at the dumb jokes I say.

    to me its laugh or go crazy but I think im that too haha
    teri266 teri266
    36-40, F
    1 Response Mar 6, 2015

    There were 3 guys talking in the pub.

    Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the 3rd remains quiet. After a while 1 of the first 2 turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says, "I'll tell...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Sep 2, 2015

    Oh my god!!!! They killed Han Solo!

    !! ....You Bastard!!!!!
    ToxDoctor ToxDoctor
    41-45, M
    1 Response Dec 30, 2015

    A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

    They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Aug 26, 2015

    I'll have daydreams while I'm listening to

    music of funny scenes I make up in my head. I try not to laugh out loud. I'll think randomly of funny stuff in public and start smiling or laughing. People look at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am! :)
    deleted deleted
    Jan 13

    do you know anything about computers tho.

    .. because i was just wondering... where do astronauts hangout?.... . . . . . . . . . . . AT THE SPACEBAR...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Sep 27, 2015

    Murphy's Law- If anything can go wrong it will.

    O'Brian's Law - Murphy was am optimist.
    SubSided SubSided
    46-50, F
    1 Response Sep 1, 2015

    I don't know whether it's sad

    or plain stupid but I honestly find myself hilarious.
    anagapesis anagapesis
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Jun 22, 2015

    I was explaining to my friend what an albino is,

    as she is not here and English is not her first language. when she finally understood what I was talking about, she repeated it back to me in her language, but she stammered in a little bit after saying the first part which sounded like knock knock. so I instantly cut in and...
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Feb 21
    SassySam77 SassySam77
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 21, 2014

    It really irritates me

    when I make a joke...that's really funny...and no one recognizes it. I mean, come on...then you're left chuckling to yourself and people want think, "OK, he's finally gone over the edge. Who's turn is it to try and put him in the straight jacket?"
    luketepid luketepid
    56-60, M
    2 Responses Feb 23


    PROM okay miss please calm down we dont want a panic at the disco *i write sins not tragedies starts playing*
    Beaniesandbands1 Beaniesandbands1
    13-15, M
    2 Responses May 21, 2015

    do you ever think about something

    that happened previously that was super funny and start laughing out loud. totally my life story
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Feb 24

    when I was 20 I was sleeping over at a new bf

    home and I had a dream where I was laughing so hard I woke him up he said I was talking to the monkeys lmao
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Jun 1, 2015

    So...I have had a very long week haven't had a

    day off since last weds. so needless to say today at work I'm a bit burnt out and saying and making silly mistakes. This was my favorite tho so I share. A customer asks me if I could give her a jump, her car won't start....I'm like sure I'm almost done it'll be like 5 more mins...
    stakalisious stakalisious
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Oct 29, 2015

    I'm so very funny at 3am.

    I once spent half an hour laughing at a chest of drawers. Ha ha ha. The overtired state of mind seems to bend my senses when it comes down to what is funny. Most of the time I spend laughing at myself and how ridiculous I am.
    deleted deleted
    Jan 26

    My friends are Shocked at some of the things i

    say ... I just keep on saying them ... Why can't i Expose People Places and Things for what they are :)
    TooTricky2Trick TooTricky2Trick
    41-45, M
    Apr 1

    happy easter frends!.

    ..im jus gona go ahead n nip ep in th bud rite now insted of draggn it out...thats jus my nature...greatful to hav met som cool people from all over...i wont delete my account so u guys can keep reading my old stuff;)...send ur email to my inbox if u wana keep in touch...love u...
    sugarbiscuts sugarbiscuts
    31-35, F
    Mar 27
    ghostflannel ghostflannel
    16-17, F
    Mar 10
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