I Daily Chuck

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 8 People

    Chuck Norris does not own a computer.

    This is because as soon as he sits down at one it instantly shows the blue screen of death.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 15, 2015

    Chuck Norris tells a GPS

    which way to go.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 30, 2015

    Chuck Norris is the only man

    that knows how to delete the Recycle Bin .
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 28, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 4, 2014

    When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he

    had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Jun 18, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 29, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 27, 2014

    If Chuck Norris appears in your dream,

    don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 5, 2015

    Chuck Norris' lunch was stolen during a camping

    trip. No one has seen Big Foot ever since.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 1, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 11, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 24, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 25, 2014

    Daylight Savings Time occurs

    because Chuck Norris hits snooze on his alarm clock.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 22, 2014

    Splenda sales are up

    because Chuck Norris has no Equal.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 14, 2014

    Chuck Norris once ordered a steak at a

    restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 1, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 2, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 28, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 25, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 16, 2015

    Know the old saying..

    .Which came first the chicken or the egg? Here's the answer, neither, they were to afraid that Chuck was waiting for them.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 28, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 10, 2015

    Chuck Norris' cell phone contract expired 5

    years ago. The phone company is just too scared to tell him.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 9, 2015

    Chuck Norris can do a backflip

    and a frontflip. At the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 12, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 31, 2015

    Chuck Norris likes his coffee black.

    .. no milk, no sugar and no water.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 4, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 7, 2014

    The only time Chuck Norris catches a cold is

    when he's got it in a headlock.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 27, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 17, 2014

    Chuck Norris accidently destroyed previous

    planets in our Solar System by practicing his roundhouse kick...we know them as astroids.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 7, 2015

    Chuck Norris once said,

    there is a reason why cats have nine lives.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 26, 2015

    Q: Why did they build the great wall of China

    A: To keep Chuck Norris out.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 18, 2014

    Lightning never strikes twice in one place

    because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 5, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 9, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Nov 19, 2014

    The slogan "Don't Mess With Texas" only applies

    when Chuck Norris is there. You don't mess with any place where Chuck Norris is.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 15, 2014

    Dragons may breathe fire,

    but Chuck Norris can breathe dragons
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 23, 2015

    When chuck Norris was in school,

    he made his PE teacher run laps.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 3, 2015

    When Chuck Norris goes to the beach,

    the waves go AWAY from the beach.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 26, 2014

    They say Chuck Norris cried only once.

    the place is now known as Niagra Falls.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 14, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 22, 2014

    Chuck Norris is the ONLY person

    who can punch with his foot
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 8, 2015

    When some people get punched,

    they see stars. When stars get punched, they see Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 14, 2015

    In ancient Rome, Chuck Norris would have laughed

    while being thrown to the lions.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 6, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 21, 2014

    Jell-O doesn't jiggle.

    It shakes out of fear from Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 25, 2015

    Jimmy Hoffa did not disappear,

    he is hiding from Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 13, 2015

    Archaeologists are still unsure of how the

    Dinosuars became extinct; then they realized, Chuck Norris doesn't like dinosaurs.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 7, 2015

    Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a pine tree

    and created 12 million toothpick.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 20, 2015

    Chuck Norris once completed 40 hours of work in

    4 hours, including 15 minutes for a coffee break.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 10, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 25, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 29, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 7, 2014

    Chuck Norris doesn't diet,

    the calories burn themselves out of fear!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 8, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 26, 2015

    What's faster, the speed of light

    or the speed of Chuck Norris? Stupid question ............
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 23, 2014

    Mother Nature used to be the boss,

    until the day Chuck Norris was born.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 31, 2014

    When Chuck Norris orders pizza it always gets

    there in 30 minutes or less.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 3, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Sep 27, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 12, 2015

    In the back of the Guinness Book of World

    Records it states "All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris' records."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 26, 2014
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