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I Do Not Remember Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 87 People

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    . . . When Bill Gates died he went to heaven but asked St. Peter if he could return back home 'cause he'd forgotten something. . .  St. Peter adamantly said "NO!"  . . . Bill Gates insisted. . (scratches head) . . okay - so...
    Suckerpunch Suckerpunch 36-40 2 Responses May 27, 2008

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    Here Is One I Just Heard

    A hillbilly knocks on the door of his new neighbor's house."Howdy, neighbor," he says, "In honor of you movin' into the holler, I'm gonna throw a party. There's gonna be a whole lotta drinkin', a whole lotta dancin', and a whole lotta screwin'.""Sounds like fun!" the neighbor...
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 30, 2011

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    I Only Remember A Few!

    It is hard for me to remember jokes, unless I write them down. This I read somewhere: "You are my best friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I will trip you.". Cheers.
    xxxo222 xxxo222 46-50, F Sep 10, 2012

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    Lawl

    I don't remember jokes at all. WHen people go and tell me a joke. I go to tell someone else but end up telling them a different version of the joke. Haha.
    ascs ascs 22-25, F 3 Responses Jun 15, 2009

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    I Wish I Could...

    ... remember jokes! Even the shortest ones, when I'm convinced that I just cannot forget that one, I still do & it annoys me! I'm more like a spontaneous jokes, kinda silly & goofy, but not a joke teller. My mind is just not equipped for that role.
    misasja misasja 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 7, 2008

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    Related Experiences

    I'm not racist but I do enjoy the jokes 😂 Also there's no jokes about my race so that's probably why I love the jokes so much c:
    keikosky keikosky 18-21, F 13 hrs ago

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    Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Just two, all the rest are true.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    This is quite an innocuous thread title, but in my case, the ambiguity of it needs to be clarified. I have taken many different drugs in my late teens and early 20s, but one time I...
    TrevorThomson TrevorThomson 26-30, M 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    Today is the 25 of April. ANZAC day. It is the day on which we remember Australians and New Zealanders who served and died in all wars, conflicts, and peacekeeping operations...
    Ally95xx Ally95xx 18-21, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    I can remember when Mom yelled at Dad for driving 20 minutes out of the way because the gas hadn't risen above $.20 yet. Arby's had 5 for 5 in high school. It meant 5 real sized...
    soloexistence soloexistence 46-50, M 1 Response Apr 12

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    It's been about a year since I've seen him and I still cry. I had the most devastating break-up or should I say let-go. When I first met him he was the nicest and sweetest person...
    sevengoals sevengoals 26-30, F 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    I believe in the healing a friend can give from their mere presence in your life. God brings us many types of friends. Some friends are for a lifetime and they stay with us from...
    blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti 36-40, F 1 Response 19 hrs ago

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    My friends and I have this running joke called "Turbo Tuesday." Tuesday is the most boring goddam day of the week, because it's not Monday where you're fresh off from the weekend...
    BlueMetalChick BlueMetalChick 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 25

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    I have my parents to thank for my fan appreciation of Michael. It started with me going down the corridor to my dad's office, where I hear him playing Billie Jean on his music...
    Monstermaster13 Monstermaster13 22-25, M Mar 27

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    Why am I Divorced?      Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 10 Responses Apr 14

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    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 26

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    Punography (A play on words) When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 28

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    Animal Jokes Question And Answer Animal Jokes Q: Diner: I can't eat this chicken. Call the manager. A: Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either. Q: Which side of a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 14

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    In anticipation of a TV drama that is going to be shown soon based on the life of my favourite comedian, Tommy Cooper, here are some of his jokes. ********************** I went...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 5 days ago

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    INSTALLING HUSBAND A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in...
    poisonlady poisonlady 31-35, F 4 Responses Mar 26

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    A jeweler was approached by his regular client, Mrs. Havers with a strange request. Mrs. Havers, who was divorced, asked the jeweler to make two earrings from her inscribed...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 2

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    A fellow comes home after golf one Sunday afternoon, falls asleep on the couch, and doesn't wake up until about 9 PM. His wife asks why he is so tired. "Well, You remember George...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 3 Responses Apr 4

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    The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. "Well...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 15

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    I remember these. Ah, 2005, thou art but a fond memory.
    Lunaselene Lunaselene 16-17, F a week ago

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    Dr. Jones had served many years as an Obstetrician/gynecologist, but he felt he had reached a saturation point. His mind was no longer in his job. He wanted to do something else...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    The festival was on Down by the lake On stage played the bands In the crowd joints changing hands That’s when I saw her The girl with no name Red, curly hair, a beautiful frame...
    bandseeking bandseeking 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    There was a guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy...
    devdom devdom 46-50, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Idk if this counts as a joke but I thought it was funny! I was having dinner with my hubby and my sister in-law and her hubby as well as our kids, we were talking about my husband...
    queediana82 queediana82 31-35, F Mar 25

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    At all. My sister saw the movie "This is the End," and she told me one of the many off-putting elements of the movie was a rape joke that was made in it. It turned me off from...
    Whoami30 Whoami30 26-30, M Mar 28

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    The REASON that I'm TIRED! For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I’m tired...
    StarSphere StarSphere 51-55, M Apr 8

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    A teacher is getting to know her new pupils on the first day of school. She turns to one little girl and says, “What does your daddy do?” “Whatever Mummy tells him,” the...
    mona87 mona87 46-50, F 8 Responses Apr 8

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    Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 12

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    How Many Sheep Do I Have? There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 15

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    What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment. I like BAD jokes :)
    CaptainBenza CaptainBenza 18-21, M a week ago

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    Following a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a claim of bodily injury, due to a car collision. The case was against an insurance agent, driver of...
    jenga1 jenga1 41-45, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    My uncle revisited our hometown in Kerala after long years in America. The place had changed so much and there were vehicles coming at him from all directions. “Sir, how do you...
    mona87 mona87 46-50, F 5 days ago

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    Vagina jokes aren't funny period.
    RrTrueAllMe RrTrueAllMe 13-15, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Deaf Genie A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag. The man reaches into the...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I will remember how you caught my eye You admired me Just when I thought no one was looking I will remember how you chased me Making me feel like a giddy school girl A feeling...
    musicilove musicilove 36-40, F 1 Response Apr 3

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    I don't know why, but recently, my mind has been drifting away A LOT thinking about my childhood. Sometimes it scares me, because I seem to remember certain moments too very well...
    MissGaga MissGaga 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 27

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    I was born and raised as a Roman Catholic and I still am but I learned to be more open minded at an early age. I felt so lonely and I knew I wasn't from here because I knew my...
    lapluma808 lapluma808 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 3

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    The odd thing about this is, is that I can remember being in the womb and my Mom sitting on a rocker saying she was exausted and I was feeling the same way. Really exhausted...
    imteresa imteresa 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 3

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    I remember when "thongs" referred to those sandals you wore at the beach (now called flip-flops) I remember when "straight" meant either "not on drugs" or referred to a released...
    eddiecarbone eddiecarbone 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 8

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    I remember an old video that I can clearly remember playing on my Uncle's computer... it was one of the first video games I ever played and it was run on the old UNIX system so...
    TheDaken TheDaken 26-30, M 2 Responses Apr 14

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    It may seem odd to people to see and hear others laugh randomly out of the blue. I do not always do this but I do sometimes laugh out loud about something I remembered witnessing...
    blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti 36-40, F 1 Response Apr 4

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    I was scared.. I was scare of the pain it would cause me ad the mark it would leave. I never knew that doing it one time could make me do it for girlie years afterwards.. I...
    ashabash97 ashabash97 16-17, F 3 Responses Apr 6

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    I'm hoping someone can help ME remember something! Back when I was in grade school (in the 1960's) there was a "gross out"song the kids (mostly boys) would sing. One version went...
    eddiecarbone eddiecarbone 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 15

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    I remember coming out of something warm and wet...head 1st it was covered with fluid that i now realize was blood. My face was covered in blood and i heard loud screeching yelling...
    grayberrylove grayberrylove 26-30, F Apr 15

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    Everyone always asks me, especially my mum, why I'm so scared of you... I never really knew why... I know you can't do anything to me anymore. So why am I so scared? Well driving...
    IAmAlwaysMe IAmAlwaysMe 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 16

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    I had a wonderful Parents, now they are gone. I remember the times Mom and I would walk down the street just the two of us and go to the corner store just to get a candy bar. I...
    flyingangel7 flyingangel7 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 26

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