I Do Not Want to Live

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 34 People

    BleuGirl83 BleuGirl83
    31-35, F
    Jul 22, 2014

    I Do Not Want To Live.

    I am 42 years old and am done. I have been through three long term relationships. This last one was for seven years and I pushed her away. She was the best thing to ever happen to me and I can't for the life of me understand why I didn't show her the love she deserved. Their is...
    Alone9879 Alone9879
    41-45, M
    1 Response Nov 23, 2012


    Ok. It arrived today. The calcium polysulfide. So now I've got the 2 liters of 10% HCl solution and the 30% calcium polysulfide solution. I'm ready to make some hydrogen sulfide gas to end my pain. It's been 8 agonizing months. Well actually, it's been 42 years. I don't want to...
    Alone9879 Alone9879
    41-45, M
    May 31, 2013

    I just realized my only solution to all my

    problems is just to die. I'm not cut out to be successful in this world. Trying to find ways to die and not leave my body around. Possibly thinking that I should just fill a backpack with rocks and walk into the Pacific Ocean and hope that my body doesn't make it to shore.
    BleuGirl83 BleuGirl83
    31-35, F
    Aug 2, 2014

    I'm so tired. I have been like this

    for 5+ years and I just can't do this anymore. I don't necessarily want to die, but I feel no attachment to my life right now. The ******* depression is just getting worse and my family doesn't fuckng understand; they think I'm just overreacting or something I guess. I mean...
    myanonymity myanonymity
    18-21, F
    Mar 22, 2015

    The hardest part is trying to stay alive

    when all I want is to not live. I exist for others because I...I must...I have too...?... But I do not want to live another day. Trying to bear being alive is extremely painful. Finding ways to grin and bear it is exhausting. I came the closest to ending my life twice this...
    youcthrume youcthrume
    36-40, M
    Jan 8, 2016

    I'm trying to figure out how I can kill myself

    without leaving my body. If I could just disappear that would be so great. I've been unhappy my entire life and I want my suffering to end. I am so sick of trying and trying to fix my life and nothing good ever happens to me. When I think of the future all I see is darkness.
    BleuGirl83 BleuGirl83
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Jun 13, 2014

    As I could not drive myself home safety

    as I was feeling very suicidal I called a suicide prevention hotline. I was ok after talking to someone for an hour. I was busy at work all day is I was ok. Then I got home and started thinking about all my problems and how I have no immediate solutions. Then I started feeling...
    BleuGirl83 BleuGirl83
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Aug 5, 2014
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