I'm not even in my right state of mind right now, so this is just rambling. I'm not even concentrating. This won't make any sense.
I've been in the military for almost a year now, and I've always knew I never mattered to anyone before then. It wasn't until now that I just don't...
That I don't matter. I keep trying to and sometimes get to a point that I think I do. Then whenever I show just a little self esteem it comes crashing back to me that I am different from other people and I have to stay in the shadows and just go along in life being a doormat...
He's only half, on my mom's side. He had it rough as a kid and uses it as an excuse to completely ignore me. He had to go overseas when I was in high school. I sometimes wish he had died there and spare me these negative thoughts that are overwhelming.
I am invisible. I do not exist outside of my own mind. I am just a figment of your imagination. Do not speak to the imaginary person standing next to you as you critisize her every being, laughing at what is left of her soul... It won't hurt anyone.. For I do not exist
I don't exist, It is true. I am just a picture in your mind based on whatever limited sense of knowledge you have about me and your emotional reaction to those vague images. It doesn't really matter if you met me once in passing or if you are my lover, for no matter how elaborate...
The thought of a ME that exists. Is only a thought that is happening RIGHT NOW.
there is actually no ME in reality.
Its like this,
the thought of a unicorn appears, does that make the unicorn itself exist in reality
the only thing that exists in reality is the THOUGHT of a...
The eyes they will see
The nose it will smell
The toungue it will taste
The ears they hear well
But where am I?
The brain it will think
The mouth it will talk
The heart it will sing
These legs they will walk
but amongst all of these
I see no me
Not such a bad thing, seeming how it takes the pressure off of many things.... Don't know when it started, maybe its an obvious consequence of losing interest in everything and alienating myself from people... I am severed from everything and my life is just that...a life, not...
Now i normaly feel this way but right now it is really bothering me because right now i am on this website that i go on and u can chat with people and see them. This guy that was trying to be friends wit and i were talking then all of a sudden more people come in and i dont exist...
after a year of deep and meaningful thought i reached the conclusion that i do not exist, simply due to the fact that this illusion of existence is so pointless and painful that if it was real i wont be able to cope with it. it may not be sane but it works.
When I look in the mirror I see all these eyes and mouth and stuff, and when I look into my past I see all these actions, friends, enemies, events, etc. I'm nothing of that. I'm freedom, I'm consciousness. I'm the will to do or not even try. I'm the consciousness that allows for...