I heard this yesterday and I chuckled, thought I'd share:
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back...
I arrived in a small town called Holderness in New Hampshire full of youthful curly headed enthusiasm (sadly, the curls have since abandoned me.) I came from Ireland to work as a Crew Guy in a holiday camp to supplement my Art school fees and experience an American summer...
Maggie was very excited. A handsome farmer from a neighbouring town had invited her to the cinema. The following day she was on cloud nine and rushed to Kathleen’s to tell her friend all about the date. “Oh, he’s a pure gentleman Kathleen, he bought me a big bag...
until I downloaded the app on my phone. This is how the conversation went:
Me: I didn't know you are on bb
Son: do you know me?
Me: yes Shane I can see your profile
Son: who are you 😯 Don't mean to be rude
Me: your mother
A man is standing in line at the checkout queue. His basket contains:
one pint of milk,
a small loaf of bread,
a tub of soured cream
and a six-pack of AA batteries.
As his turn arrives, he notices that the very pretty checkout girl is taking a prolonged and interested...
Seen somewhere and could not resist to share with you all:
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Maggie was full of the joys of spring as she walked along the quiet country lane to her friend Kathleen’s to enjoy a good gossip. A car approached and she stepped back to let it pass; it was a posh one she noted, the same as the Bank Managers. But the car stopped and it was...
Maggie and Mammy were excited. They had been invited to Kathleen’s for Christmas and were looking forward to the company and crack.On Christmas Eve they woke to an unexpected cold snap. By midday the snow was heavy. As darkness fell their tiny cottage perched atop a remote hill...
I lay on my bed and waited to die – I was almost 12.
I knew ************ was wrong, it could make you go blind the priests told us. However, like all young boys I was a prolific ****** with perfect sight; priests were liars! So I carried on – until the...
Nothing gets the synapse firing like someone with a quick wit. I enjoy those people the most. Especially if you can get something past me and I don't realize it for a few minutes, or a few days. If I ask a question, I'll always go with the one with some wit and humor attached.
Some say humour is used as a defence mechanism. I suppose with me this maybe true, it is difficult to tell. It is also social. I come from a city, a city where in the past life was hard. Humour was a way of making it through every day. So I grew up surrounded with sarcasm and...
NO places-NO names- but it went down something like this....A young man needs to find a gift for his loved one for her birthday. Since they've gone out for very short time, he decides after some serious consideration to give her a pair of gloves. It would be romantic, but not an...
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your Mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.
"We can't stand the...
We weren’t bad boys, just mischievous; Martin and I spent a lot of time visiting the Headmasters office while at secondary school.
Back from summer break we had a lot to catch up on – lessons were far from our mind.
Sometime over the holidays Martin had discovered...
Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I...
Maggie bumps into Kathleen on the village high street. After exchanging pleasantries Kathleen says, “I saw your husband walking up the town with a big bunch of red roses this morning, aren’t you the lucky lady?”
Maggie rolls her eyes upwards and responds wearily...
there is no precise answer to this.
however, the following expression with a practical example may satisfy many.
"in life, if you get the 'right partner' you are complete but if you get the 'wrong one', you are finished! and if you are caught by the 'right...