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I Enjoy Witty Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,904 People

    Petting Time

    Today i feel like walking... The dog, a friend interrupts. No a pony across the golden beaches, splendidly laid out.
    jophene jophene 36-40, F Nov 20, 2010

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    The Bagpiper

    I heard this yesterday and I chuckled, thought I'd share: As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back...
    Zoranna Zoranna 56-60, F 4 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    H..hhhh.....

    A spluttering of a  cough begins, Cut shouts a man. Relax and try again a glass of water is handed to the actor. Ready and action. Haaa..he waves his hands, and dismissively shakes his head. Cut! yells the man take a break and pull yourself together. Think of the character...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F Nov 15, 2010

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    Maggie & Kathleen 2

    Maggie was very excited. A handsome farmer from a neighbouring town had invited her to the cinema. The following day she was on cloud nine and rushed to Kathleen’s to tell her friend all about the date. “Oh, he’s a pure gentleman Kathleen, he bought me a big bag...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 15, 2010

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    Him

    I never really believed in him. My earliest memory is of studying his image and wondering how a big lump slid down a small chimney? A few weeks later I met him in the flesh, at a department store  – my Mother sat me on his lap. I looked closely, the face was real, the...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Nov 28, 2010

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    Maggie & Kathleen 3

    Maggie was full of the joys of spring as she walked along the quiet country lane to her friend Kathleen’s to enjoy a good gossip. A car approached and she stepped back to let it pass; it was a posh one she noted, the same as the Bank Managers. But the car stopped and it was...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 16, 2010

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    An Education

    We weren’t bad boys, just mischievous; Martin and I spent a lot of time visiting the Headmasters office while at secondary school. Back from summer break we had a lot to catch up on – lessons were far from our mind. Sometime over the holidays Martin had discovered...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 2 Responses Nov 30, 2010

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    Sign outside a pathology lab: It may be just

    stool & urine to U but to us, it is our bread & butter.
    rajblr1970 rajblr1970 41-45, M May 28

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    Back To School Tom? Read My Lips

    Tom are you still up there? Come on down boy, an exasperated aunt Polly calls. Sitting at the table she recalls, It's been 3 days and three whole nights and not a sight of him. He needs a good education and school started last week. What am I to do? An idea enters her mind...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F Sep 4, 2010

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    Ladies And Gentlemen

    An impressed woman told her friend, "That man is such a gentleman, etc. etc.and many other lavish praises. Her friend listened quietly, and replied wisely, "But is he a gentle man?" Her friend took the hint and smiled thoughtfully.
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 28, 2010

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    Maggie & Kathleen 3

    Maggie was full of the joys of spring as she walked along the quiet country lane to her friend Kathleen’s to enjoy a good gossip. A car approached and she stepped back to let it pass; it was a posh one she noted, the same as the Bank Managers. But the car stopped and it was...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 16, 2010

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    Told I Am Witty

    I have been told that I am witty at times. May be they are right. My responses to questions can be tongue-in-cheek and tends to confirm this. I do personally think it is good to be witty as it breaks the ice. Some people may take exception to this. I am not a very careful...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 1 Response Nov 14, 2012

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    Feeling Lonely; No One Cares

    Check out this group here in the USA..They care about you and won't forget you. b.FeelingDown.pps (647KB)
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 13, 2011

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    Fake, Me???????????

    One thing Gordon Brown cannot be accused of is being a phony...At least he's the real deal, brought a smile to my face.
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses May 13, 2010

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    Adonis

    I’d just finished my gym work out yesterday when Adonis walked in and started to unwrap himself. He takes centre stage; his audience glance furtively as he reveals his sculpted physique. His caramel skin emphasised the glowing whiteness of his CK briefs. He sauntered over to...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 25, 2010

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    Fanny V Butt (sea Monkey Story Part 2)

    I arrived in a small town called Holderness in New Hampshire full of youthful curly headed enthusiasm (sadly, the curls have since abandoned me.) I came from Ireland to work as a Crew Guy in a holiday camp to supplement my Art school fees and experience an American summer...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 2 Responses Nov 26, 2010

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    PE? (Political Equation)

    MG = minority government leading in HP = hung Parliament debate begins on PR = proportional Representation CP = Conservative Party in talks with N.C. a KP key player.   CP + Lib Dems discuss forming a C = coalition   Meanwhile, GB...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses May 8, 2010

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    what is the difference between 'complete'

    and 'finished'? there is no precise answer to this. however, the following expression with a practical example may satisfy many. "in life, if you get the 'right partner' you are complete but if you get the 'wrong one', you are finished! and if you are caught by the 'right...
    inspiration1 inspiration1 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 24

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    There is nothing better

    than when someone knows you well enough to send you a text that makes you laugh even walking alone in public
    jazziebb jazziebb 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 22

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    Defence Or Fun?

    Some say humour is used as a defence mechanism. I suppose with me this maybe true, it is difficult to tell. It is also social. I come from a city, a city where in the past life was hard. Humour was a way of making it through every day. So I grew up surrounded with sarcasm and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 28, 2013

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    mejj mejj 36-40, F 2 Responses May 16, 2013

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    Supermarket Man

    A man is standing in line at the checkout queue. His basket contains: one pint of milk, six eggs, a small loaf of bread, a tub of soured cream and a six-pack of AA batteries. As his turn arrives, he notices that the very pretty checkout girl is taking a prolonged and interested...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 4 Responses Dec 14, 2010

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    Gloves

    NO places-NO names- but it went down something like this....A young man needs to find a gift for his loved one for her birthday. Since they've gone out for very short time, he decides after some serious consideration to give her a pair of gloves. It would be romantic, but not an...
    1arnold1 1arnold1 22-25 6 Responses Mar 5, 2011

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    http://www.experienceproject.

    com/stories/Just-Have-To-Say/4445569
    Livyn4pals Livyn4pals 46-50, M Jun 23

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    Dream On

     "Do you believe dreams come true?" asked a younger man to his friend. "No!",he responded. "Why?" asked the man slightly surprised. "Well I've been dreaming of winning the lottery, (forgive him dear reader for the shallowness of his dreams)", hasn't happened",he...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    I May Be Slow But.....

    Nothing gets the synapse firing like someone with a quick wit. I enjoy those people the most. Especially if you can get something past me and I don't realize it for a few minutes, or a few days. If I ask a question, I'll always go with the one with some wit and humor attached.
    AlDemone AlDemone 51-55, M 1 Response Nov 28, 2011

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    Sea Monkeys

    When I was nine I longed to own a family of Sea Monkeys. They smiled at me from the back of my Marvel comics, urging me to invite them into my world. But an ocean divided us – the Atlantic. I lived in England and to obtain my pets I would have to cut-out a coupon and send...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Nov 26, 2010

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    Maggie - A Christmas Special

    Maggie and Mammy were excited. They had been invited to Kathleen’s for Christmas and were looking forward to the company and crack.On Christmas Eve they woke to an unexpected cold snap. By midday the snow was heavy. As darkness fell their tiny cottage perched atop a remote hill...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 23, 2010

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    Wife And Encyclopaedia

    Seen somewhere and could not resist to share with you all: FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.  
    inspiration1 inspiration1 61-65, M 3 Responses May 25, 2012

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    Positive Thinking

    A vagrant went and knocked on someone’s door When the lady answered he held up his hand and asked “ Do you have a spare shirt you can sew onto this button”
    uncfred uncfred 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Epgate..?

    Stop, the discovery has yet to enter the google connection.. A friend who was about to tap in the letter g..readily looks up surprised aborting their fingers in mid air. Well? they query. EP gate is apparently a current term recently invented.. When? the friend...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 1 Response Jul 30, 2010

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    Little Of It These Days

    I do enjoy witty humor as it great in making serious matters not look so bad, the quickness of a person's mind to think on their feet to install humor..but then again I get confused by a lot of things these days..........like if a woman walks up and down a street does that make...
    PoppaBear53 PoppaBear53 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 27, 2011

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    Witty Humour

    Witty humour,Love it,Nothin' like it,Enjoying a laugh,At some witty joke.
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M 1 Response Mar 10, 2012

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    Maggie & Kathleen

    Maggie bumps into Kathleen on the village high street. After exchanging pleasantries Kathleen says, “I saw your husband walking up the town with a big bunch of red roses this morning, aren’t you the lucky lady?” Maggie rolls her eyes upwards and responds wearily...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 15, 2010

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    The Birds And The Bees

    I lay on my bed and waited to die – I was almost 12.   I knew ************ was wrong, it could make you go blind the priests told us. However, like all young boys I was a prolific ****** with perfect sight; priests were liars! So I carried on  – until the...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Nov 27, 2010

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    Christmas Story

    A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your Mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the...
    Zoranna Zoranna 56-60, F 6 Responses Dec 12, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Love, love, LOVE witty banter. Hubby thinks it's flirtatious, I like to think of it as fun use of the English language.
    bustyanne bustyanne 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    even though i generally am shy at first.......it just takes me time to open up, feel comfortable..............but i love it when they are witty, funny, easy going and open minded...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Aug 4

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    I very much enjoy Classical Music. I know it sounds so out "lame" to some but there is nothing I enjoy more then taking a nice long bath and listening to some classical music, or...
    Chicgeekgal Chicgeekgal 22-25, F Jul 27

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    I enjoy those conversations that get you thinking and are enjoyable. I enjoy deep and intimate conversations where everything is on the table and the two participants trust each...
    Winbu Winbu 16-17, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I wanna cry now cause I never got chance to enjoy life and cannot enjoy life ever . ******* life
    Johnnystha Johnnystha 26-30, M Jul 27

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    Although I don't find myself especially intelligent I do enjoy talking with intelligent people because I enjoy the exercise and the challenge. I feel that expansion of the mind is...
    EmilyAlter EmilyAlter 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 27

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    I enjoy having a drink occasionally with friends / colleagues. No I don't drink very often so when I do I like to enjoy myself... What makes this difficult is having a partner...
    Mysticme Mysticme 26-30, F Aug 1

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    I don't consider myself to be much of a romantic anymore, regarding people or life in general. However, once in a while, I will read or watch something that feels very romantic to...
    FrozenGuy FrozenGuy 51-55, M 4 Responses Aug 3

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    Its true I do enjoy getting to know different people through the web.. I enjoy talking and sharing things to get a better understanding of them
    justtheloner justtheloner 22-25, M 4 Responses Aug 3

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    I enjoy cooking too. I haven't been cooking lately been busy with school but the stuff I enjoy cooking are Italian, Mexican. I've also tried making these Thai spring rolls with...
    hartbri12 hartbri12 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 8

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    I enjoy the smell of rain. The somehow fresh, cool air in my lungs. The invigorating sensation you get after taking a deep breath; like you can get through the most arduous...
    SquaredA SquaredA 18-21, F a week ago

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    Before I start, I want to thank everyone who's commented on the stories and given them a like. To recap for those of you who haven't read the first parts to this story, apart from...
    ChloePawson ChloePawson 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Mangos!They have got to be one of the most luscious fruits ever. I just enjoyed a juicy one, fully. Delicioso!
    Mirages Mirages 41-45, F 8 Responses Jul 23

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    They ask me to write about some kind of scenario, I write it out. It gets me off. As well, I really enjoy the challenge of creating compelling characters and themes while at the...
    rasputinoob rasputinoob 31-35, M 2 Responses Jul 25

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    Enjoy the little things in life because one day you´ll look back and realize they were the big things...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F Jul 26

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