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I Enjoy Witty Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,083 People

    PE? (Political Equation)

    MG = minority government leading in HP = hung Parliament debate begins on PR = proportional Representation CP = Conservative Party in talks with N.C. a KP key player.   CP + Lib Dems discuss forming a C = coalition   Meanwhile, GB...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses May 8, 2010

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    Well I ain't evil I'm just good lookin Start a

    little fire an baby start cookin I'm a hungry man but I don't want pizza I'll blow down your house an then I'm gonna eat yer Bring you to a simmer right on time Run my greasy fingers down your greasy spine Feed my Frankenstein Meet my labido he's a psycho Feed my Frankenstein...
    Smigger1970 Smigger1970 41-45, M Sep 1

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    Maggie & Kathleen

    Maggie bumps into Kathleen on the village high street. After exchanging pleasantries Kathleen says, “I saw your husband walking up the town with a big bunch of red roses this morning, aren’t you the lucky lady?” Maggie rolls her eyes upwards and responds wearily...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 15, 2010

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    Supermarket Man

    A man is standing in line at the checkout queue. His basket contains: one pint of milk, six eggs, a small loaf of bread, a tub of soured cream and a six-pack of AA batteries. As his turn arrives, he notices that the very pretty checkout girl is taking a prolonged and interested...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 4 Responses Dec 14, 2010

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    There is nothing better

    than when someone knows you well enough to send you a text that makes you laugh even walking alone in public
    jazziebb jazziebb 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 22

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    The Bagpiper

    I heard this yesterday and I chuckled, thought I'd share: As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back...
    Zoranna Zoranna 61-65, F 7 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Maggie & Kathleen 3

    Maggie was full of the joys of spring as she walked along the quiet country lane to her friend Kathleen’s to enjoy a good gossip. A car approached and she stepped back to let it pass; it was a posh one she noted, the same as the Bank Managers. But the car stopped and it was...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 16, 2010

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    Adonis

    I’d just finished my gym work out yesterday when Adonis walked in and started to unwrap himself. He takes centre stage; his audience glance furtively as he reveals his sculpted physique. His caramel skin emphasised the glowing whiteness of his CK briefs. He sauntered over to...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 25, 2010

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    Sign outside a pathology lab: It may be just

    stool & urine to U but to us, it is our bread & butter.
    rajblr1970 rajblr1970 41-45, M May 28

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    sliptrix sliptrix 13-15, M Oct 11

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    Positive Thinking

    A vagrant went and knocked on someone’s door When the lady answered he held up his hand and asked “ Do you have a spare shirt you can sew onto this button”
    uncfred uncfred 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Dream On

     "Do you believe dreams come true?" asked a younger man to his friend. "No!",he responded. "Why?" asked the man slightly surprised. "Well I've been dreaming of winning the lottery, (forgive him dear reader for the shallowness of his dreams)", hasn't happened",he...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Christmas Story

    A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your Mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the...
    Zoranna Zoranna 61-65, F 6 Responses Dec 12, 2012

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    Women are angels, break their wings

    and they will continue to fly, usually on a broomstick. They're just flexible like that!!
    sweetpetals sweetpetals 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 26

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    I never knew my 12 year old son was on bbm

    until I downloaded the app on my phone. This is how the conversation went: Son: Hey Me: hello Son: wud Me: I didn't know you are on bb Son: do you know me? Me: yes Shane I can see your profile Son: who are you 😯 Don't mean to be rude Me: your mother
    Lee124 Lee124 36-40, F 3 Responses Nov 8

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    Him

    I never really believed in him. My earliest memory is of studying his image and wondering how a big lump slid down a small chimney? A few weeks later I met him in the flesh, at a department store  – my Mother sat me on his lap. I looked closely, the face was real, the...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Nov 28, 2010

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    http://www.experienceproject.

    com/stories/Just-Have-To-Say/4445569
    OddlyScintilating OddlyScintilating 46-50, M Jun 23

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    Told I Am Witty

    I have been told that I am witty at times. May be they are right. My responses to questions can be tongue-in-cheek and tends to confirm this. I do personally think it is good to be witty as it breaks the ice. Some people may take exception to this. I am not a very careful...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 1 Response Nov 14, 2012

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    The Birds And The Bees

    I lay on my bed and waited to die – I was almost 12.   I knew ************ was wrong, it could make you go blind the priests told us. However, like all young boys I was a prolific ****** with perfect sight; priests were liars! So I carried on  – until the...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Nov 27, 2010

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    Feeling Lonely; No One Cares

    Check out this group here in the USA..They care about you and won't forget you. b.FeelingDown.pps (647KB)
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 13, 2011

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    An Education

    We weren’t bad boys, just mischievous; Martin and I spent a lot of time visiting the Headmasters office while at secondary school. Back from summer break we had a lot to catch up on – lessons were far from our mind. Sometime over the holidays Martin had discovered...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Nov 30, 2010

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    Fanny V Butt (sea Monkey Story Part 2)

    I arrived in a small town called Holderness in New Hampshire full of youthful curly headed enthusiasm (sadly, the curls have since abandoned me.) I came from Ireland to work as a Crew Guy in a holiday camp to supplement my Art school fees and experience an American summer...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 2 Responses Nov 26, 2010

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    Witty Humour

    Witty humour,Love it,Nothin' like it,Enjoying a laugh,At some witty joke.
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M 1 Response Mar 10, 2012

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    Maggie & Kathleen 3

    Maggie was full of the joys of spring as she walked along the quiet country lane to her friend Kathleen’s to enjoy a good gossip. A car approached and she stepped back to let it pass; it was a posh one she noted, the same as the Bank Managers. But the car stopped and it was...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 16, 2010

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    Lee124 Lee124 36-40, F Nov 8

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    Gloves

    NO places-NO names- but it went down something like this....A young man needs to find a gift for his loved one for her birthday. Since they've gone out for very short time, he decides after some serious consideration to give her a pair of gloves. It would be romantic, but not an...
    1arnold1 1arnold1 22-25 6 Responses Mar 5, 2011

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    Maggie - A Christmas Special

    Maggie and Mammy were excited. They had been invited to Kathleen’s for Christmas and were looking forward to the company and crack.On Christmas Eve they woke to an unexpected cold snap. By midday the snow was heavy. As darkness fell their tiny cottage perched atop a remote hill...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 23, 2010

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    I May Be Slow But.....

    Nothing gets the synapse firing like someone with a quick wit. I enjoy those people the most. Especially if you can get something past me and I don't realize it for a few minutes, or a few days. If I ask a question, I'll always go with the one with some wit and humor attached.
    AlDemone AlDemone 51-55, M 1 Response Nov 28, 2011

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    what is the difference between 'complete'

    and 'finished'? there is no precise answer to this. however, the following expression with a practical example may satisfy many. "in life, if you get the 'right partner' you are complete but if you get the 'wrong one', you are finished! and if you are caught by the 'right...
    inspiration1 inspiration1 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 24

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    Fake, Me???????????

    One thing Gordon Brown cannot be accused of is being a phony...At least he's the real deal, brought a smile to my face.
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses May 13, 2010

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    Defence Or Fun?

    Some say humour is used as a defence mechanism. I suppose with me this maybe true, it is difficult to tell. It is also social. I come from a city, a city where in the past life was hard. Humour was a way of making it through every day. So I grew up surrounded with sarcasm and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 28, 2013

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    Sea Monkeys

    When I was nine I longed to own a family of Sea Monkeys. They smiled at me from the back of my Marvel comics, urging me to invite them into my world. But an ocean divided us – the Atlantic. I lived in England and to obtain my pets I would have to cut-out a coupon and send...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Nov 26, 2010

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    Wife And Encyclopaedia

    Seen somewhere and could not resist to share with you all: FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.  
    inspiration1 inspiration1 61-65, M 2 Responses May 25, 2012

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    Epgate..?

    Stop, the discovery has yet to enter the google connection.. A friend who was about to tap in the letter g..readily looks up surprised aborting their fingers in mid air. Well? they query. EP gate is apparently a current term recently invented.. When? the friend...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 1 Response Jul 30, 2010

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    Lee124 Lee124 36-40, F 1 Response Nov 15

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    Maggie & Kathleen 2

    Maggie was very excited. A handsome farmer from a neighbouring town had invited her to the cinema. The following day she was on cloud nine and rushed to Kathleen’s to tell her friend all about the date. “Oh, he’s a pure gentleman Kathleen, he bought me a big bag...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 15, 2010

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    Lee124 Lee124 36-40, F 1 Response Nov 28

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    Lee124 Lee124 36-40, F 1 Response Nov 28

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    Little Of It These Days

    I do enjoy witty humor as it great in making serious matters not look so bad, the quickness of a person's mind to think on their feet to install humor..but then again I get confused by a lot of things these days..........like if a woman walks up and down a street does that make...
    PoppaBear53 PoppaBear53 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 27, 2011

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    Related Experiences

    I was reading about how according to one psychologist, women want a man who is a humour generator, while men seek a humour appreciator. This might be true, but then I don't analyse...
    HolmesGirl HolmesGirl 51-55, F 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    A meeting I attended today ended sooner than expected, all of half an hour instead of the usual 2 hours, much to my delight. An old family friend lives literally 5 mins down the...
    AthenaJones AthenaJones 36-40, F 12 Responses Nov 24

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    "Would you like some wassail?" Wuzzat? :/ It was like drinking apple pie. I kind of liked it. I enjoyed the tea party, even though I still think the idea of having a tea party is a...
    TheBadgeringWitness TheBadgeringWitness 26-30 1 Response Dec 10

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    I enjoy going commando whenever I possibly can during the warm days of late spring and early autumn. The feeling of doing so is so natural yet so naughty at the same time. Usually...
    JQuest75 JQuest75 31-35, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Always love enjoying a good book, just finished The Young Elites by Marie Lu and enjoyed it.
    ALostSiren ALostSiren 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 26

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    A battle against depression is a journey to regain one's vitality. There was once a time where enjoyment and contentment were natural experiences. I have since found myself forcing...
    asnplaysrugby asnplaysrugby 22-25, M 1 Response Nov 29

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    As much as I enjoy the crowd, friends and family, I equally enjoy the solitude.
    Rightherenow Rightherenow 26-30, M Dec 2

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    I enjoy yoga. I find it to be good exercise (if done properly), and it generally makes me feel good afterwards - relaxed and free of aches and pains. A couple of months ago, I...
    spacepixie spacepixie 26-30, F Dec 5

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    I want to you relax and enjoy life. Don't take life too seriously. Smile and squeeze a stress ball every now and then.You only live once. Life can be hell sometimes but not all the...
    Outofeden Outofeden 31-35, F Dec 5

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    The title of this group pretty much says it all. What it doesn't say is what is it about head shaving that you like- do you like doing it to someone else or do you like having it...
    AlopeciaAlice AlopeciaAlice 26-30, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Something I look forward to every Autumn is putting up my bird feeders once again for the Winter months. The first birds to arrive are the Blue Jays, followed by the Chickadees...
    sunnycaramelo sunnycaramelo 46-50, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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