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I Enjoy Witty Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,987 People

    Fake, Me???????????

    One thing Gordon Brown cannot be accused of is being a phony...At least he's the real deal, brought a smile to my face.
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses May 13, 2010

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    Positive Thinking

    A vagrant went and knocked on someone’s door When the lady answered he held up his hand and asked “ Do you have a spare shirt you can sew onto this button”
    uncfred uncfred 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Dream On

     "Do you believe dreams come true?" asked a younger man to his friend. "No!",he responded. "Why?" asked the man slightly surprised. "Well I've been dreaming of winning the lottery, (forgive him dear reader for the shallowness of his dreams)", hasn't happened",he...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Supermarket Man

    A man is standing in line at the checkout queue. His basket contains: one pint of milk, six eggs, a small loaf of bread, a tub of soured cream and a six-pack of AA batteries. As his turn arrives, he notices that the very pretty checkout girl is taking a prolonged and interested...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 4 Responses Dec 14, 2010

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    Sign outside a pathology lab: It may be just

    stool & urine to U but to us, it is our bread & butter.
    rajblr1970 rajblr1970 41-45, M May 28

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    Him

    I never really believed in him. My earliest memory is of studying his image and wondering how a big lump slid down a small chimney? A few weeks later I met him in the flesh, at a department store  – my Mother sat me on his lap. I looked closely, the face was real, the...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Nov 28, 2010

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    Told I Am Witty

    I have been told that I am witty at times. May be they are right. My responses to questions can be tongue-in-cheek and tends to confirm this. I do personally think it is good to be witty as it breaks the ice. Some people may take exception to this. I am not a very careful...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 1 Response Nov 14, 2012

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    Ladies And Gentlemen

    An impressed woman told her friend, "That man is such a gentleman, etc. etc.and many other lavish praises. Her friend listened quietly, and replied wisely, "But is he a gentle man?" Her friend took the hint and smiled thoughtfully.
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 28, 2010

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    Little Of It These Days

    I do enjoy witty humor as it great in making serious matters not look so bad, the quickness of a person's mind to think on their feet to install humor..but then again I get confused by a lot of things these days..........like if a woman walks up and down a street does that make...
    PoppaBear53 PoppaBear53 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 27, 2011

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    Women are angels, break their wings

    and they will continue to fly, usually on a broomstick. They're just flexible like that!!
    sweetpetals sweetpetals 26-30, F Sep 26

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    Gloves

    NO places-NO names- but it went down something like this....A young man needs to find a gift for his loved one for her birthday. Since they've gone out for very short time, he decides after some serious consideration to give her a pair of gloves. It would be romantic, but not an...
    1arnold1 1arnold1 22-25 6 Responses Mar 5, 2011

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    Witty Humour

    Witty humour,Love it,Nothin' like it,Enjoying a laugh,At some witty joke.
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M 1 Response Mar 10, 2012

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    Back To School Tom? Read My Lips

    Tom are you still up there? Come on down boy, an exasperated aunt Polly calls. Sitting at the table she recalls, It's been 3 days and three whole nights and not a sight of him. He needs a good education and school started last week. What am I to do? An idea enters her mind...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F Sep 4, 2010

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    Sea Monkeys

    When I was nine I longed to own a family of Sea Monkeys. They smiled at me from the back of my Marvel comics, urging me to invite them into my world. But an ocean divided us – the Atlantic. I lived in England and to obtain my pets I would have to cut-out a coupon and send...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Nov 26, 2010

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    I May Be Slow But.....

    Nothing gets the synapse firing like someone with a quick wit. I enjoy those people the most. Especially if you can get something past me and I don't realize it for a few minutes, or a few days. If I ask a question, I'll always go with the one with some wit and humor attached.
    AlDemone AlDemone 51-55, M 1 Response Nov 28, 2011

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    There is nothing better

    than when someone knows you well enough to send you a text that makes you laugh even walking alone in public
    jazziebb jazziebb 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 22

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    Well I ain't evil I'm just good lookin Start a

    little fire an baby start cookin I'm a hungry man but I don't want pizza I'll blow down your house an then I'm gonna eat yer Bring you to a simmer right on time Run my greasy fingers down your greasy spine Feed my Frankenstein Meet my labido he's a psycho Feed my Frankenstein...
    Smigger1970 Smigger1970 41-45, M Sep 1

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    Christmas Story

    A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your Mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the...
    Zoranna Zoranna 56-60, F 6 Responses Dec 12, 2012

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    Epgate..?

    Stop, the discovery has yet to enter the google connection.. A friend who was about to tap in the letter g..readily looks up surprised aborting their fingers in mid air. Well? they query. EP gate is apparently a current term recently invented.. When? the friend...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 1 Response Jul 30, 2010

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    Feeling Lonely; No One Cares

    Check out this group here in the USA..They care about you and won't forget you. b.FeelingDown.pps (647KB)
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 13, 2011

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    Adonis

    I’d just finished my gym work out yesterday when Adonis walked in and started to unwrap himself. He takes centre stage; his audience glance furtively as he reveals his sculpted physique. His caramel skin emphasised the glowing whiteness of his CK briefs. He sauntered over to...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 25, 2010

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    The Birds And The Bees

    I lay on my bed and waited to die – I was almost 12.   I knew ************ was wrong, it could make you go blind the priests told us. However, like all young boys I was a prolific ****** with perfect sight; priests were liars! So I carried on  – until the...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Nov 27, 2010

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    Defence Or Fun?

    Some say humour is used as a defence mechanism. I suppose with me this maybe true, it is difficult to tell. It is also social. I come from a city, a city where in the past life was hard. Humour was a way of making it through every day. So I grew up surrounded with sarcasm and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 28, 2013

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    Wife And Encyclopaedia

    Seen somewhere and could not resist to share with you all: FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.  
    inspiration1 inspiration1 61-65, M 2 Responses May 25, 2012

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    Maggie & Kathleen 2

    Maggie was very excited. A handsome farmer from a neighbouring town had invited her to the cinema. The following day she was on cloud nine and rushed to Kathleen’s to tell her friend all about the date. “Oh, he’s a pure gentleman Kathleen, he bought me a big bag...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 15, 2010

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    Maggie & Kathleen 3

    Maggie was full of the joys of spring as she walked along the quiet country lane to her friend Kathleen’s to enjoy a good gossip. A car approached and she stepped back to let it pass; it was a posh one she noted, the same as the Bank Managers. But the car stopped and it was...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 16, 2010

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    Fanny V Butt (sea Monkey Story Part 2)

    I arrived in a small town called Holderness in New Hampshire full of youthful curly headed enthusiasm (sadly, the curls have since abandoned me.) I came from Ireland to work as a Crew Guy in a holiday camp to supplement my Art school fees and experience an American summer...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 2 Responses Nov 26, 2010

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    The Bagpiper

    I heard this yesterday and I chuckled, thought I'd share: As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back...
    Zoranna Zoranna 56-60, F 6 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    what is the difference between 'complete'

    and 'finished'? there is no precise answer to this. however, the following expression with a practical example may satisfy many. "in life, if you get the 'right partner' you are complete but if you get the 'wrong one', you are finished! and if you are caught by the 'right...
    inspiration1 inspiration1 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 24

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    PE? (Political Equation)

    MG = minority government leading in HP = hung Parliament debate begins on PR = proportional Representation CP = Conservative Party in talks with N.C. a KP key player.   CP + Lib Dems discuss forming a C = coalition   Meanwhile, GB...
    jophene jophene 36-40, F 2 Responses May 8, 2010

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    sliptrix sliptrix 13-15, M Oct 11

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    An Education

    We weren’t bad boys, just mischievous; Martin and I spent a lot of time visiting the Headmasters office while at secondary school. Back from summer break we had a lot to catch up on – lessons were far from our mind. Sometime over the holidays Martin had discovered...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Nov 30, 2010

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    http://www.experienceproject.

    com/stories/Just-Have-To-Say/4445569
    Livyn4pals Livyn4pals 46-50, M Jun 23

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    Maggie & Kathleen 3

    Maggie was full of the joys of spring as she walked along the quiet country lane to her friend Kathleen’s to enjoy a good gossip. A car approached and she stepped back to let it pass; it was a posh one she noted, the same as the Bank Managers. But the car stopped and it was...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 16, 2010

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    Maggie - A Christmas Special

    Maggie and Mammy were excited. They had been invited to Kathleen’s for Christmas and were looking forward to the company and crack.On Christmas Eve they woke to an unexpected cold snap. By midday the snow was heavy. As darkness fell their tiny cottage perched atop a remote hill...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 23, 2010

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    Maggie & Kathleen

    Maggie bumps into Kathleen on the village high street. After exchanging pleasantries Kathleen says, “I saw your husband walking up the town with a big bunch of red roses this morning, aren’t you the lucky lady?” Maggie rolls her eyes upwards and responds wearily...
    gerardfsmith gerardfsmith 41-45, M Dec 15, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    Ben: This is wrong, er Jon: Go ahead say it, just say it, I mean if I did something, if I did something wrong, I would like to know about it. Ben: I mean, do you even know this...
    dontcareforlabels dontcareforlabels 41-45, M 1 Response Sep 25

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    Dia: The Goddess I highly regard Diablesse with the utmost esteem. She provides a steadfast beacon of pragmatic life-giving advice, interactive friendship all the while being a...
    JoeGogg JoeGogg 36-40, M 3 Responses Oct 4

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    Tact is for people who are not witty enough to be sarcastic
    Krist0f Krist0f 41-45, M Oct 10

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    I don't judge people badly for not being witty.
    Chrissy19119 Chrissy19119 26-30, F 7 hrs ago

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    This photo explains my sense of humour!!!
    Krystal666 Krystal666 13-15, F 1 Response Sep 21

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    Wendy: Can you validate my parking stub? Laura: You what? Wendy: Well the valet guy said you'd validate it. Laura: The valet guy? We don't have a valet. This is a laundry ticket...
    dontcareforlabels dontcareforlabels 41-45, M Sep 24

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    I enjoy striking up conversations with strangers. There's nothing better than talking to a random person at the grocery check out line when the only other option is boredom. I...
    heartshinegirl heartshinegirl 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 21

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    I enjoy cigar smoking tremendously.Very relaxing and enjoy big ring cigars the most.What ring size is you're favorite? I enjoy a 50 to 60 ring 😊
    cobiba1975 cobiba1975 36-40, M Sep 23

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    I have always felt tortured by the fact that I always thought I should be doing something different, needed to be somewhere else, needed to be around certain people I always felt...
    Whattodo00 Whattodo00 26-30, F Sep 23

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    It's weird. I really really want to learn and enjoy this organic chemistry stuff, but I can't get in the mood. It's pretty cool stuff learning how to isolate, and make compounds...
    colorstone colorstone 31-35, M Sep 23

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    I truly enjoy reading about and watching others having sex. It is very exciting and erotic to see other people enjoying themselves with sex. I like to read first person accounts of...
    munyman munyman 70+, M 2 Responses Sep 24

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    Sometimes I look at the window and wonder why the hell some people are becoming so pathetic. Conversations, oral or chats, are becoming pathetic with them. "Hey" "Heya" "How are...
    actuelly actuelly 16-17, F 10 Responses Oct 3

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    My cooking skills are limited but i enjoy it. i would like to learn more and be able to cook more things I like to eat. I would enjoy cooking for someone else too. ; )
    MicheleTaylor MicheleTaylor 51-55, T Oct 5

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    For instance: I am enjoying moments with me and nobody else. I am enjoying to observe and to look forward, rather than an impulsive participant ( this could be sexual too).I have...
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Sometimes I think the only reason I get out of the house is because I have to go to work everyday. I'm so bored, that nothing sounds fun. I might as well stay here and do nothing...
    SirenaVonLee SirenaVonLee 36-40, F Sep 21

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