I Find This Amusing

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 204 People

    For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously...(funny Quotes)

    1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set 2. A day without sunshine is like, night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6. 99 percent of...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Feb 22, 2011

    Boys Will Be Boys

    On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 23, 2011

    Is Hell Endothermic Or Exothermic?

    Is Hell Endothermic or Exothermic? Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical Engineering Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions on final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?" In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 22, 2011

    Why Didn'T I Think Of That?

    I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. .....Elayne Boosler
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Feb 11, 2013

    So I was playing CoD Black ops quite a few

    years ago, and somebody was like "Hey wanna join the KKK?" I was shocked like hell at this, "Why on earth would anybody? friggin' racists..." "Nah man, its the Kool Kids Klub" I hadn't laughed like that in forever. It was terrible xD. Apparently it was their literal in game clan...
    Zapxbolt Zapxbolt
    18-21, M
    Aug 14, 2014

    Rudely Awoken!!

    It was about 2 am on a Thursday (or Wednesday) night just a week after school holidays started last year and i'd been trying to sleep since about 8pm because I'd been up for something like 20 hours which is silly.I woke up to hear this noise every couple of seconds that sounded...
    honiBee honiBee
    18-21, F
    Mar 1, 2013

    Impossible To Please...

    A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 22, 2011

    Crowd Control...(true Story)...

    An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 22, 2011

    Sitting And Doing Nothing...

    An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?” The eagle answered, “Sure , why not.” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 22, 2011

    I See The Light...

    Seventy-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his test results came back normal. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally?" Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 22, 2011

    Why Is It?

    When I write to you and I bear my soul to you on here...I have so many typographical errors? T here is nothing more annoying that writing directly from the heart just to find out that there are a 1/2 million words missing. You always said you didn't care about my spelling or my...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    4 Responses Feb 22, 2011

    Police Emergency

    This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    5 Responses Aug 13, 2013

    You Might Be Overweight If....

    YOU MIGHT BE OVERWEIGHT IF... 1. The ticket lady at Seaworld tells you you're on in five minutes. 2. You have to have your jogging suit made at the Tent & Awning company. 3. You go to Jenny Craig and she just laughs. 4. You get on the end of a see-saw and launch your kid into...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 22, 2011
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jul 1, 2013

    Fun Facts About The Spanish Language

    I'm a senior in high school, and I'm currently in AP Spanish V, which means I'll be basically fluent by the end of this academic year.Did you know that verb for "to be married" and "to hunt" are pronounced the same way? The only difference is that "to be married" is reflexive...
    Photogirl7 Photogirl7
    18-21, F
    Jan 8, 2012

    The First Parent...

    The First Parent by Bill Cosby Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 22, 2011

    I think everyone's all jealous

    and **** cause I'm like the lead singer of a band dude... And I think everyone's got a ******* problem with me dude... And they need to take it up with me after the show... Because...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Feb 4

    I'm just going to say.

    Life is interesting. It's amusing how human beings work.. Specially men. "Men"
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Apr 8

    Not Celebrity Status

    Okkkaaaayyy....so I am thinking that I know the secret behine these 8 million experiences. Someone is is impersonating me...The story FIRST KISS...isn't mine. I wish I could say i have that sort of writing talent...but I don't. iwish I did... So would the real Marlo70 PLEASE...
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Mar 28, 2011

    Speed Is An Issue...

    Two women were walking down the street when one turn to the other and said: "I smell hair burning." The other women turned and said: "Maybe we're walking too fast?"
    marlon70 marlon70
    36-40, F
    Feb 24, 2011

    Cuntry Club

    You act as if I do not join your club, I will have no friends and make none. The only group worth joining is yours. There are so many people on EP besides you. I will not play on that side.
    Kittychanel Kittychanel
    41-45, F
    Jun 15, 2012

    The statistics on sanity is

    that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Dec 15, 2013

    Life

    Life,At times,Amusing,The things that happen,The reasons why,Don't make sense,That's what amuses me,When it comes to life.
    storywriter2 storywriter2
    46-50
    May 12, 2012

    Can't Take Cream Cheese Out Of State

    Flying to visit my lover for the weekend, I stopped to buy NY bagels knowing how much he loves them.  I also bought a half pound of home made cream cheese from the same store.  When I was going through security at the airport, I was asked to move over for further inspection...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jun 6, 2011
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