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I Hate Being a Second Wife

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,127 People

    The Ring

    My husband and I got married Feb. 2007 but I didn't get my wedding ring until July 2007. I found some pictures of his ex-wife and saw that she had a engagement ring. I moved past that until June 2010 when his eldest son desided to tell us a story about his mother's new boyfriend...
    LASD5150 LASD5150 36-40 8 Responses Aug 11, 2010

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    I'm not a second wife yet,

    but a relationship after a first wife. It's brilliant between my partner and I, and the best relationship both of us have ever had (we're in late 30s and late 40s). It will last, a long time - it's been a few months so far. But it's tough in the outside world. His ex is rabidly...
    SashieG SashieG 36-40, F 2 Responses Jan 27, 2014

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    Its Hard Being The Girlfriend

    i am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man, who has a great mind, and cherishes the ground i walk on .............. until his kids come around.  i then take a back seat (which i dont mind).  What i do mind is that when he has the kids he undermines me and...
    Wickedlady28 Wickedlady28 26-30, F 11 Responses Dec 14, 2010

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    Can you believe that woman?!!

    I feel so relieved! I just wrote to THE person (My husband's ex) who has made my life hell for the past 5+ years. I told her exactly how I feel and how her actions have impacted my life & family. I hope she grows a heart and finally learns to back off. I think I should become a...
    CatherineJoan CatherineJoan 31-35 5 Responses Sep 9, 2011

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    Mama #2

    So, my husband's ex is making me a little crazy. After a stressful divorce battle and final 50/50 custody order, I really convinced myself that we could move forward and enjoy our lives. All of us, being that she is remarried too... My step daughter is 7 and I came into her life...
    Mamatwo Mamatwo 36-40, F 1 Response Nov 19, 2013

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    I'm Not Even A Second Wife...I'm The Third Wife

    Be prepared for a long and probably confusing story. I've been with my husband now for almost 10 years. Married 2 and a half. He married his first wife at the young age of 20 (she was 19) and conceived their son on their wedding night. This came as a big surprise as she was...
    thirdwifesince2011 thirdwifesince2011 31-35, F 3 Responses Nov 8, 2013

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    What To Do About The Feelings Of Hurt When People Mention "her".

    I have given this a lot of thought, and here is my conclusion: No matter how much you berate yourself for "not being good enough to just let it go and get over it", no matter how many people tell you that you are not being mature about it, or you are over sensitive.....that's...
    justasecond justasecond 31-35, F 3 Responses Aug 2, 2013

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    I hate the fact that I'm a second wife,

    seems like my husband has done everything that I want to do when he was married to his first wife. He reaction to most things are, " Been there, done that."
    sheherme83 sheherme83 31-35, F 3 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    Second Best...

    I am not a second wife but I live with my boyfriend and my child and welcome his children into our home every second weekend and school holidays and any other time they come over. We have set up the home to feel like they can feel at home, comfortable and they can be themselves...
    el1983 el1983 26-30, F 3 Responses Dec 28, 2010

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    Does It Get Better?

    I am going to be marrying a man in 5 months, and I am really struggling with his past... I feel so selfish and crazy but as I plan for my first wedding, I can't help but feel like second place. He was previously married to a woman he dated all through college and nine...
    cincinnatichic cincinnatichic 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 21, 2008

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    Please, Don't Do It Ladies! You Deserve Better!

    I just want to tell all you lovely ladies, especially those in your early 20s with little to mar your lives up to this point, that are considering being someone's second wife, rather than going out and finding that special guy - DON'T DO IT, YOU DESERVE BETTER! I know some will...
    LoveForgotten LoveForgotten 31-35, F 8 Responses Nov 13, 2012

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    Is A Stepmom Still A Parent?

    I have a stepson who is 13 and is in therapy right now. Me and my husband and his mom and her husband met with the therapist to do family counseling last week, for the children's best interests. Yesterday the therapist wanted only my husband and his ex to be at counseling and not...
    Nurselori Nurselori 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 20, 2013

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    The Stress Is Just Too Much! My Husbands Ex Wife Is Insane And Driving Us Nuts!!!

    Where do I even begin...reading all these stories makes me feel better that I am not alone but sad that so many others are going through the same thing. It's not fair. Life's not fair right? But like another said, "how did my life become so white trash???" I know that when I met...
    Rippingmyheartout Rippingmyheartout 26-30, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2011

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    My Husband Remembers His First Time With His Ex, But Not With Me

    My husband and I have been married over 30 years. We have a good relationship. We've had our ups and downs, as all marriages, and for the most part have been able to overcome our differences and problems. One of the best aspects of our marriage is that we are best friends. We...
    ladywithclass ladywithclass 56-60 3 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    My husband has two sons from previous marriage.

    His ex now has a 5 year old child with her boyfriend. Husband and I have a baby girl. It drives me mad with fury that he will often drive her son to school and home again. I can't believe she has the gall to ask, that he is so damn accommodating to do it, and the nerve to...
    JuliaRocha JuliaRocha 36-40, F 2 Responses Apr 28

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    First Wife Got Everything And I Get The Left Overs...m

    My husband and I have both been married before. My ex and I have an amiable relationship because we share a daughter. Our divorce was clean and simple. No fighting no court battles, just an easy this is best for us type of situation. We had separate finances and bank accounts...
    Spagal Spagal 31-35 7 Responses Dec 6, 2011

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    Can't even believe there is

    such a chat room about this, really thought I was the only one being pathetic about this. My fiancé and I are sooo in love, he is the best man I could ask for BUT... He is 30 I am 24, he was with his ex wife for 8 years (married for 6) tried to leave for 3 times because she...
    Boozybird Boozybird 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 29, 2014

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    My Husband's Ex Wife

    My first name is Michelle. I have been married to my husband Tim for 15 years, together for 18 years. This family had moved in behind our house and I was asked to babysit for them on occasion. Well I got asked to babysit a lot and loved it, they had three, later four sons and I...
    mrsfritch79 mrsfritch79 36-40, F 3 Responses Sep 23, 2013

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    Being a second (or third) wife to a man

    that already has a family is like being a mistress. You never feel like a wife. He already has or had one. She's family. You are replaceable. You are just drug along for the ride. You will feel like you are just a girl he f***s. He will always choose everyone over you. His...
    455cargirl 455cargirl 36-40, F 4 Responses Oct 17, 2014

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    Does it make me a horrible person

    if I don't let my husband go to his first daughter's baptism? The last time he was left alone with her (the baby mom) she tried to convince me she slept with him, and he swore he impulsively kissed her because he was holding his daughter. BS I know. Because either she is being...
    NotFirstNotLast NotFirstNotLast 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 30, 2014

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    I too am dealing with a similar situation,

    she by all accounts in a lunatic and many people cannot figure out why I choose to stay in a relationship with a man whose ex's sole purpose in life at the current moment is to make his life miserable. Well I tell them this, you cannot choose when or whom you fall in love with...
    atana327 atana327 31-35 2 Responses Feb 20, 2014

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    Cant stand the things he did

    for her!!! i have been with my fiance for a year. we have a baby on the way our first child together but third for us both. my problem is i resent that when he was with his first wife whom he has two kids with(ages 7 and 5)...he had lots of money. now he doesnt. im not...
    srnyers srnyers 26-30, F Jan 3

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    I am so tired of being a second wife.

    .. I spent my whole life before my husband being the best, number one at everything. How did I suddenly end up with a life filled with bitterness and resentment... by becoming a second wife. I fell madly in love with my husband and now we barely speak. I know that I am not a...
    secondandunhappy secondandunhappy 26-30, F 6 Responses Apr 29, 2014

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    I'm a soon to be a second wife

    but I haven't agreed 100% to marry him because of his ex-wife and two boys. When I first found out about the former wife and kids the idea didn't really seem to bother me I didn't have any kids nor had I ever been married. However, as time pressed on and the more I discovered...
    jmac2421 jmac2421 31-35, F 3 Responses Apr 19, 2014

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    Hurt and Frustrated

    My husband  and I have been married for two years. It is a second marraige for both of us, and things between us are really good. My hurt and frustration comes from the way that his family treats me and their attitude toward our relationship. My husband was separated in 2...
    ddlricha ddlricha 41-45, F 7 Responses Oct 11, 2007

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    What Did I Get Myself Into?!

    I really really hate being the second wife.  To be honest, i think the second wives have it the worst!  We get all of the baggage that came from the first time around!  We get the horrible and not well behaved children plus the first wife who thinks that...
    butterfly01 butterfly01 22-25 8 Responses May 19, 2009

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    Second wife and childless stepmom.

    I feel so confused. I love my husband.....but struggle with knowing he will never feel about me the way I feel about him. He's my whole world, and I'll never be his. I get so frustrated because he is gone until 10 at least 3 nights a week....an hour or so away do "kid stuff...
    iiwiib iiwiib 31-35, F 2 Responses Apr 29

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    i thought i could overcome being the second

    but no. i feel pain when he is talking to the first wife and his kids. maybe one day i will live with them but when i thought of it, i want to run away. my feelings are now worst for my marriage. i cannot even smile. i can make him angry which is haram. and im becoming...
    noxicillin noxicillin 26-30, F 1 Response May 24

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    My husband is great and loves me

    and I love him. The problem?? I'm his second wife and I HATE it.
    HeartOMine HeartOMine 41-45, F 3 Responses Mar 2, 2014

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    I am not quite a second wife.

    My fiance and I met late in high school but did not take interest to each other further than sleeping together once. He then got with who ended up being his baby mama now. They had a daughter after about seven months of being together (he is older than I). After being on and off...
    NotFirstNotLast NotFirstNotLast 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 21, 2014

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    I hate that everybody he knows expects me to

    "just go with it." To just go with whatever the first one wants because I have to respect the fact that she and her daughter came first, and I went into the relationship knowing that. I went in knowing about the daughter, but my bad for not knowing that that meant I was to be...
    NotFirstNotLast NotFirstNotLast 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 4, 2014

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    I have always been a strong

    and independent person. I make a decent living, have a master's degree, no crazy amount of debt, slowly building a retirement nest egg. I re-met my now-husband 7 years ago when he was divorcing his first wife. He had a very young son of whom he gained custody. He was a great...
    SimoneB SimoneB 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 20, 2014

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    Disappointed

    I'm tired of feeling disappointed and sad about always being second. I've been married for 3 years and my husband and I both have children from our previous marriages. I honestly feel like we are living in the same house but with two separate families. Me and my daughter are...
    notmarriagematerial notmarriagematerial 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 23, 2013

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    Sometimes I hate being a second wife.

    I know for a fact that his mother likes his first wife better, she has told me that his first wife is beautiful and I'm ugly. She even hung a picture of his wedding to his first wife just to be a b*tch about it. I have nothing against his ex-wife, I get along fine with her...
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 7 Responses Jan 14

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    Divorce Is Pointless!!!

    As a second wife, and continued court battles through the years it has become painfully obvious that divorce is nothing more than the enforcement of a marital contract, not the anullment of it. The court has ordered my husband to do almost EVERYTHING but F&*^$ his ex. And me...
    matel matel 36-40 16 Responses Jul 27, 2011

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    Pllight Of A Second Wife

    I told myself I would never marry a man with with children but a friendly chat became a friendly dinner that exchanged warm smiles that triggered a romantic spark and before I knew it I was picking out flowers while your soon to be husband was answering phone calls from the kidss...
    ocasiyo ocasiyo 51-55 6 Responses Dec 8, 2010

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    My husband has been married twice before.

    The first wife they met in high school and dated for a long time, got engaged, she got pregnant and they speeded up the wedding. Their marriage lasted for about 8 years, during which they had three kids. All girls. She was the one who filed for divorce, and even after the...
    Thirdwife2013 Thirdwife2013 31-35, F 2 Responses Dec 5, 2013

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    I need advice and badly.

    First of all I hate being a 2nd wife. I hate it. I wish that I had been smart enough not to put myself in this situation in the first place. My husband has a kid with his ex who I absolutely hate. I know it sounds crazy and cruel but I wish my husband would sign over his...
    Dreamsofitaly Dreamsofitaly 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Spent 17 years as a 3rd wife.

    ..from wedding day with his parents "embarrassed" to invite friends...to finding out I got the third smallest and cheapest engagement ring..to not taking his name because the 2nd wife kept it and I didn't want to be Mrs #2..to paying his child support and his children's college...
    lorenarich lorenarich 46-50, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    #1, #3, and Maybe #2?

    this is an embarrassing story but i will swallow my pride and share in hopes of reaching out to others and perhaps it will send a rescue to someone ... anyone. as a girl i never imagined a marriage ... very unlike all my friends.  for me i dreamt of a career.  it's how...
    AbbyNormal AbbyNormal 31-35, F 20 Responses Jun 21, 2007

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    Second to Everything...

    I hate being placed second in my own life.  The day my husband and I married, we knew we couldn't afford an all-out celebration - so we planned for a private, quiet ceremony over at the courthouse and decided to have a quiet dinner and dessert.  We let family know...
    wickedstepmother wickedstepmother 26-30, F 17 Responses Apr 14, 2007

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    Sick And Tired Of Being The Second Wife... Bitter, Depressed & Lonely

    It's late and I'm sitting here after a few glasses of wine, I'm frustrated as usual, and came across this site and felt that I need to vent, too. After all, I don't have anyone else to vent to about how much I hate being the second wife and a stepmom, really. We've been married...
    madkitty madkitty 22-25, F 18 Responses Jun 20, 2011

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    I'm not technically the second wife.

    We aren't married yet. But I think I can still relate. Not because he has another life and a kid. I love his daughter to death. What bother me is sometimes he's so hung up on hating her, that he forget to love the people that matter.
    melon93 melon93 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 14

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    Not How I Pictured Marriage

    Alright Ladies, I've read a lot of your stories and I feel like I can relate to each one in a different way. I felt like it was time to post my experience. I am a third wife. This is my first marriage. His first marriage happened really young, when he was 16 yrs old. It barely...
    abovetheopensea abovetheopensea 18-21 4 Responses Jan 24, 2011

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    Im single but im sure

    that dont want to share my husband's life with another woman
    fauxlady fauxlady 22-25, F 1 Response Jun 14

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    I have to deal with not just an ex wife

    but a Baby Momma to. I go out of my mind because they always find a way to but there noses into our life...like the newest incident of creeping Facebook and losing there minds over our family photos. Or going to pick up my step son for swimming and we have to pick him up a block...
    newstepmom0223 newstepmom0223 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 5

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