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I Hate Being a Second Wife

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 520 People

    A Second Wife Emotions!

    Hello,         I'm a new member on this site and I really need a place to vent out some of my issues!         I have been married for six yrs. and together with my husband for 18yrs.  We became married...
    mixxemotions mixxemotions 36-40 2 Responses Nov 6, 2008

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    Will I Ever Be Excepted

    I have been with my partner 6 months now and am questioning if we really have a future together. I have one child and he has 5 aged 15,17,19,21,23 all living at home. I try to get involved in talking and spending time together without invading there way of doing things but feel...
    mollymuffin mollymuffin 31-35, F 4 Responses Jul 9, 2013

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    There's Always A Reminder That I Am The Second Wife

    Feeling crappy again today. How do you deal with your in-laws who feel as if they are still obligated to stay in touch with your husband's ex-wife because of the grandchildren? I feel hurt, betrayed, and insulted that they are doing this. I feel like they should understand since...
    theyoungwife theyoungwife 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 17, 2013

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    Sick And Tired Of Being The Second Wife... Bitter, Depressed & Lonely

    It's late and I'm sitting here after a few glasses of wine, I'm frustrated as usual, and came across this site and felt that I need to vent, too. After all, I don't have anyone else to vent to about how much I hate being the second wife and a stepmom, really. We've been married...
    madkitty madkitty 22-25, F 17 Responses Jun 20, 2011

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    I'm not a second wife yet,

    but a relationship after a first wife. It's brilliant between my partner and I, and the best relationship both of us have ever had (we're in late 30s and late 40s). It will last, a long time - it's been a few months so far. But it's tough in the outside world. His ex is rabidly...
    SashieG SashieG 36-40, F 2 Responses Jan 27

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    Not How I Pictured Marriage

    Alright Ladies, I've read a lot of your stories and I feel like I can relate to each one in a different way. I felt like it was time to post my experience. I am a third wife. This is my first marriage. His first marriage happened really young, when he was 16 yrs old. It barely...
    abovetheopensea abovetheopensea 18-21 4 Responses Jan 24, 2011

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    My husband is great and loves me

    and I love him. The problem?? I'm his second wife and I HATE it.
    HeartOMine HeartOMine 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 2

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    Is A Stepmom Still A Parent?

    I have a stepson who is 13 and is in therapy right now. Me and my husband and his mom and her husband met with the therapist to do family counseling last week, for the children's best interests. Yesterday the therapist wanted only my husband and his ex to be at counseling and not...
    Nurselori Nurselori 26-30, F 2 Responses Nov 20, 2013

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    Mama #2

    So, my husband's ex is making me a little crazy. After a stressful divorce battle and final 50/50 custody order, I really convinced myself that we could move forward and enjoy our lives. All of us, being that she is remarried too... My step daughter is 7 and I came into her life...
    Mamatwo Mamatwo 36-40, F 1 Response Nov 19, 2013

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    What Did I Get Myself Into?!

    I really really hate being the second wife.  To be honest, i think the second wives have it the worst!  We get all of the baggage that came from the first time around!  We get the horrible and not well behaved children plus the first wife who thinks that...
    butterfly01 butterfly01 22-25 7 Responses May 19, 2009

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    Hurt and Frustrated

    My husband  and I have been married for two years. It is a second marraige for both of us, and things between us are really good. My hurt and frustration comes from the way that his family treats me and their attitude toward our relationship. My husband was separated in 2...
    ddlricha ddlricha 41-45, F 7 Responses Oct 11, 2007

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    My Husband Remembers His First Time With His Ex, But Not With Me

    My husband and I have been married over 30 years. We have a good relationship. We've had our ups and downs, as all marriages, and for the most part have been able to overcome our differences and problems. One of the best aspects of our marriage is that we are best friends. We...
    ladywithclass ladywithclass 56-60 2 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    #1, #3, and Maybe #2?

    this is an embarrassing story but i will swallow my pride and share in hopes of reaching out to others and perhaps it will send a rescue to someone ... anyone. as a girl i never imagined a marriage ... very unlike all my friends.  for me i dreamt of a career.  it's how...
    AbbyNormal AbbyNormal 31-35, F 20 Responses Jun 21, 2007

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    Does it make me a horrible person

    if I don't let my husband go to his first daughter's baptism? The last time he was left alone with her (the baby mom) she tried to convince me she slept with him, and he swore he impulsively kissed her because he was holding his daughter. BS I know. Because either she is being...
    NotFirstNotLast NotFirstNotLast 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 30

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    Can you believe that woman?!!

    I feel so relieved! I just wrote to THE person (My husband's ex) who has made my life hell for the past 5+ years. I told her exactly how I feel and how her actions have impacted my life & family. I hope she grows a heart and finally learns to back off. I think I should become a...
    CatherineJoan CatherineJoan 31-35 5 Responses Sep 9, 2011

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    The Stress Is Just Too Much! My Husbands Ex Wife Is Insane And Driving Us Nuts!!!

    Where do I even begin...reading all these stories makes me feel better that I am not alone but sad that so many others are going through the same thing. It's not fair. Life's not fair right? But like another said, "how did my life become so white trash???" I know that when I met...
    Rippingmyheartout Rippingmyheartout 26-30, F 6 Responses Nov 12, 2011

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    I am so tired of being a second wife.

    .. I spent my whole life before my husband being the best, number one at everything. How did I suddenly end up with a life filled with bitterness and resentment... by becoming a second wife. I fell madly in love with my husband and now we barely speak. I know that I am not a...
    secondandunhappy secondandunhappy 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 29

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    Being a second (or third) wife to a man

    that already has a family is like being a mistress. You never feel like a wife. He already has or had one. She's family. You are replaceable. You are just drug along for the ride. You will feel like you are just a girl he f***s. He will always choose everyone over you. His...
    455cargirl 455cargirl 36-40, F 4 Responses Oct 17

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    Can't even believe there is

    such a chat room about this, really thought I was the only one being pathetic about this. My fiancé and I are sooo in love, he is the best man I could ask for BUT... He is 30 I am 24, he was with his ex wife for 8 years (married for 6) tried to leave for 3 times because she...
    Boozybird Boozybird 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 29

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    Not So Cinderella

    I have heard some stories on here and feel for everyone writing them. I’ve been with him for 2 years, we're not married but he talks about it and I definitely think about it too, I feel we really did fall in love but a part of me feels like I'm not making the right decision...
    Onterrible Onterrible 26-30, F 6 Responses Jun 20, 2013

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    Not More Bad News...

    Oh dear, just when you thought you had all the issues laid out to deal with.... Now I've realised that less than one sixth of his disposable income wiil go towards our household, the rest will cover those post divorce expenses like child support etc., and should he have...
    Secondchild Secondchild 36-40, F 7 Responses Apr 9, 2010

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    I need advice and badly.

    First of all I hate being a 2nd wife. I hate it. I wish that I had been smart enough not to put myself in this situation in the first place. My husband has a kid with his ex who I absolutely hate. I know it sounds crazy and cruel but I wish my husband would sign over his...
    Dreamsofitaly Dreamsofitaly 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 2

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    My Husband's Ex Wife

    My first name is Michelle. I have been married to my husband Tim for 15 years, together for 18 years. This family had moved in behind our house and I was asked to babysit for them on occasion. Well I got asked to babysit a lot and loved it, they had three, later four sons and I...
    mrsfritch79 mrsfritch79 31-35, F 3 Responses Sep 23, 2013

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    Being Second Wife Is A And Was A Wrong Decision

    2 yrs into marriage, and I am not necessarily happy. he gives his ex wife child support for 2 kids, and he is jobless(student) and so am i. (looking for job). I am ok usually but its when his kids come over, 10 and 11 yrs old. they are more mature than thier age. it seems like...
    secondclass secondclass 36-40 1 Response Apr 21, 2013

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    What To Do About The Feelings Of Hurt When People Mention "her".

    I have given this a lot of thought, and here is my conclusion: No matter how much you berate yourself for "not being good enough to just let it go and get over it", no matter how many people tell you that you are not being mature about it, or you are over sensitive.....that's...
    justasecond justasecond 31-35, F 2 Responses Aug 2, 2013

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    Who The F Does She Think She Is?!?!?!

    My husband was married 8 years ago to a woman who got pregnant after only 4 months of them dating. They were married for ONE YEAR before she decided he didn't make enough money for her and that she was tired of being a wife and mother. Two years after they divorced, my husband...
    BronzeMedal BronzeMedal 26-30 3 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Where Did It All Go So Wrong

    My husband and I have 3 children between us (2 of his and 1 mine). I adore my steps and as a second family we all get along so well it's hard to imagine that his ex wife can have such a huge ability to destroy us. My problem is that my husband has no boundaries with his ex and...
    galogoly galogoly 41-45, F 5 Responses Feb 16, 2011

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    I have always been a strong

    and independent person. I make a decent living, have a master's degree, no crazy amount of debt, slowly building a retirement nest egg. I re-met my now-husband 7 years ago when he was divorcing his first wife. He had a very young son of whom he gained custody. He was a great...
    SimoneB SimoneB 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 20

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    I am not quite a second wife.

    My fiance and I met late in high school but did not take interest to each other further than sleeping together once. He then got with who ended up being his baby mama now. They had a daughter after about seven months of being together (he is older than I). After being on and off...
    NotFirstNotLast NotFirstNotLast 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 21

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    My husband has been married twice before.

    The first wife they met in high school and dated for a long time, got engaged, she got pregnant and they speeded up the wedding. Their marriage lasted for about 8 years, during which they had three kids. All girls. She was the one who filed for divorce, and even after the...
    Thirdwife2013 Thirdwife2013 31-35, F 2 Responses Dec 5, 2013

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    Does It Get Better?

    I am going to be marrying a man in 5 months, and I am really struggling with his past... I feel so selfish and crazy but as I plan for my first wedding, I can't help but feel like second place. He was previously married to a woman he dated all through college and nine...
    cincinnatichic cincinnatichic 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 21, 2008

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    Not So Great 2nd Best

    I love my husband, but I hate being his second wife. His ex-wife hasn't moved on with her life after years of divorce and tries her best to be apart of our life. I cannot understand this and have a hard time dealing with it. I have an ex-husband and I act like he doesn't...
    Zoe1 Zoe1 31-35 3 Responses May 21, 2009

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    I hate that everybody he knows expects me to

    "just go with it." To just go with whatever the first one wants because I have to respect the fact that she and her daughter came first, and I went into the relationship knowing that. I went in knowing about the daughter, but my bad for not knowing that that meant I was to be...
    NotFirstNotLast NotFirstNotLast 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 4

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    Divorce Is Pointless!!!

    As a second wife, and continued court battles through the years it has become painfully obvious that divorce is nothing more than the enforcement of a marital contract, not the anullment of it. The court has ordered my husband to do almost EVERYTHING but F&*^$ his ex. And me...
    matel matel 36-40 17 Responses Jul 27, 2011

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    I too am dealing with a similar situation,

    she by all accounts in a lunatic and many people cannot figure out why I choose to stay in a relationship with a man whose ex's sole purpose in life at the current moment is to make his life miserable. Well I tell them this, you cannot choose when or whom you fall in love with...
    atana327 atana327 26-30 2 Responses Feb 20

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    I Hate Feeling Like A Visitor

    I am in my first marriage and his second. I had a simple life. I gave up most of my things, including selling my house, to live in his home. Also simple but more than I had. We spent the first 1 1/2 years remodeling so now there is a few things that were mine and alot of ours and...
    SecondHandWife SecondHandWife 46-50 2 Responses Jul 3, 2013

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    Disappointed

    I'm tired of feeling disappointed and sad about always being second. I've been married for 3 years and my husband and I both have children from our previous marriages. I honestly feel like we are living in the same house but with two separate families. Me and my daughter are...
    notmarriagematerial notmarriagematerial 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 23, 2013

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    The Ring

    My husband and I got married Feb. 2007 but I didn't get my wedding ring until July 2007. I found some pictures of his ex-wife and saw that she had a engagement ring. I moved past that until June 2010 when his eldest son desided to tell us a story about his mother's new boyfriend...
    LASD5150 LASD5150 36-40 8 Responses Aug 11, 2010

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    I hate the fact that I'm a second wife,

    seems like my husband has done everything that I want to do when he was married to his first wife. He reaction to most things are, " Been there, done that."
    sheherme83 sheherme83 31-35, F 2 Responses Aug 18

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    First Wife Got Everything And I Get The Left Overs...m

    My husband and I have both been married before. My ex and I have an amiable relationship because we share a daughter. Our divorce was clean and simple. No fighting no court battles, just an easy this is best for us type of situation. We had separate finances and bank accounts...
    Spagal Spagal 31-35 7 Responses Dec 6, 2011

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    Technically I Am The First Wife...So Why Do I Feel 2nd?

    I have been with my husband almost 6 years, married for almost 4...we have 2 beautiful children...we love eachother, we are happy...so what is bothering me? Why is it that even if I am his first wife, I am always made out to feel like 2nd best?Because my husband has a son with...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jun 26, 2013

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    Second to Everything...

    I hate being placed second in my own life.  The day my husband and I married, we knew we couldn't afford an all-out celebration - so we planned for a private, quiet ceremony over at the courthouse and decided to have a quiet dinner and dessert.  We let family know...
    wickedstepmother wickedstepmother 26-30, F 16 Responses Apr 14, 2007

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    Second Best...

    I am not a second wife but I live with my boyfriend and my child and welcome his children into our home every second weekend and school holidays and any other time they come over. We have set up the home to feel like they can feel at home, comfortable and they can be themselves...
    el1983 el1983 26-30, F 3 Responses Dec 28, 2010

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    Please, Don't Do It Ladies! You Deserve Better!

    I just want to tell all you lovely ladies, especially those in your early 20s with little to mar your lives up to this point, that are considering being someone's second wife, rather than going out and finding that special guy - DON'T DO IT, YOU DESERVE BETTER! I know some will...
    LoveForgotten LoveForgotten 31-35, F 8 Responses Nov 13, 2012

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    Its Hard Being The Girlfriend

    i am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man, who has a great mind, and cherishes the ground i walk on .............. until his kids come around.  i then take a back seat (which i dont mind).  What i do mind is that when he has the kids he undermines me and...
    Wickedlady28 Wickedlady28 26-30, F 11 Responses Dec 14, 2010

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    My Widow Fiance's Family & Friends Hate Me

    I have been engaged to my fiance for a few months now and we are planning our wedding next year. He is very loving and protective of me, I know he loves me. He has 3 teenage children with his late wife with whom he was wiht for 18 years (they lived together but did not marry...
    asiatica asiatica 41-45, F 2 Responses Jul 4, 2013

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    I'm Not Even A Second Wife...I'm The Third Wife

    Be prepared for a long and probably confusing story. I've been with my husband now for almost 10 years. Married 2 and a half. He married his first wife at the young age of 20 (she was 19) and conceived their son on their wedding night. This came as a big surprise as she was...
    thirdwifesince2011 thirdwifesince2011 31-35, F 3 Responses Nov 8, 2013

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    Should I Go For Kid Or No?

      we are living together, i love my husband baby, but one feeling is there should i die without fullfiling my desire like baby,alone love, etc. if am going with my desire then second question is hampering me,about the future of my hasband child and my imaginery child...
    kanchan1 kanchan1 31-35 1 Response Apr 8, 2013

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    Pllight Of A Second Wife

    I told myself I would never marry a man with with children but a friendly chat became a friendly dinner that exchanged warm smiles that triggered a romantic spark and before I knew it I was picking out flowers while your soon to be husband was answering phone calls from the kidss...
    ocasiyo ocasiyo 51-55 6 Responses Dec 8, 2010

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    I'm a soon to be a second wife

    but I haven't agreed 100% to marry him because of his ex-wife and two boys. When I first found out about the former wife and kids the idea didn't really seem to bother me I didn't have any kids nor had I ever been married. However, as time pressed on and the more I discovered...
    jmac2421 jmac2421 31-35, F 3 Responses Apr 19

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    Emotional Blackmail

    So, Sunday my hubby announced that he was giving two weeks notice at work and moving in with his son and grand children in another state (NM - we are in TX). It has been a struggle keeping him employed for the entire 10 years of our marriage. I'm wife #3 and it is probably...
    atxtumbleweed atxtumbleweed 56-60 2 Responses Feb 22, 2011

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