I am new to this forum and typically don't subscribe to the idea of them. However, I am currently at a complete loss for how to deal with my mother-in-law. My wife and I have been married for 14 years and been together for a total of 22 years. We have 3 children ages 12, 10, and 8.
My MIL and I have never gotten along. Let me give a brief background. She is currently on her 3rd marriage (as is my wife's father). My wife and I met in college and have been together since. My MIL has told my wife she didn't like from the beginning. For years I didn't do anything to deserve her dislike. All I did was not kiss her *** when she looked for it. She was an only child and has been clinically diagnosed with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She likes to tell everyone the story of how she was in college and couldn't cut her own meat at the dinner table and her father had to do it for her.
Anyway, for years the relationship got worse and worse. My wife and I lived in a different state than her which made things worse. When my wife and I were engaged, she told my wife "if you marry him, we will have to make the best of it". She refused to throw a wedding shower for my wife so my family had to. She was asked about being part of it and declined but became very upset when my family hosted the shower. She then had one in the state where she lives and invited all her friends. My wife cried throughout that entire shower. She is on our wedding video making faces and comments about "not being able to wait until this thing is over".
Over the years there has been instances of petty things. I invited her and her third husband for dinner once to try and make amends. She proclaimed she would do the dishes for everyone but left all of my things sitting there. I was at her wedding (3rd) when a woman I don't know came up to me and thought I was my wife's sister's boyfriend. The woman stated "So you are the good one.".
My first born was a boy. She has taken it out on him repeatedly because she sees me in him. She does things like get my daughters gifts and not bring my son anything. Petty I know, but still aggravating. Once that started happening, I began to do everything I could to spite the woman. I know it wasn't right but I had had enough. So, I know I have contributed to the issue over the last 12 years.
My wife and I moved further away 3 years ago to make a better life for our kids. We moved away from my family to do so. A price I was willing to pay for my kids. Anyway, in April of 2011, my wife and I went to Disney World for vacation. Her mother was down there the whole time but refused to come see her grandkids. She wanted my wife to bring them to her. My kids wanted to stay and have fun in Disney. So, after essentially begging, my wife convinced her mother to meet us for dinner at Rainforest Cafe at the Animal Kingdom.
We waited to fer her mother who was a half an hour late and when she walked up to us, she started on me right away with her crude and snide comments. Well, twenty years of pent up frustration and biting my tongue let loose. After dinner, I told her and her husband exactly what I thought of them. Her husband, stepped up to take a swing at me. Now, I am in a profession that deals with conflict all the time and have fought many a fights with all kinds of people. Had he taken a swing at me, I could've hurt him easily. So, I got close to him and explained if he wanted to go to the next step it wouldn't end well for him.
He backed off and ended up going our separate ways. Well, several days later, he became sick and I was blamed for stressing him out. Maybe I did and maybe I didn't. I don't know. Now, I haven't spoken a word to either of them in almost two full years. No big deal on my part. They again, have taken it out on my kids. For instance, last January my daughter was hospitalized with what at the time was a serious health condition. My MIL was driving from NY to FL and passed within 10 minutes of the hospital and didn't stop to see my daughter. Not even a call to see how she was.
Anyway, more has happened between me and mi sister-in-law because I am not shy about posting my feelings on Facebook. I know it's childish and I shouldn't do it but I can't stand them. The crux of my current problem is she is again driving to FL from NY and my wife invited her to see the kids. She told her she will have to bring them to see her. She won't stop at the house because she won't see me. I have even said, I wouldn't be around. I'll find something to do.
To make an extremely long story short, I want to tell my wife if she brings the kids to see her, I am going to be pissed. Is that wrong? Part of me thinks it is and part of me thinks it's not. This woman is a vile human being and shouldn't be around my kids. I know I shouldn't demand my wife cut ties with her but I also feel my wife (who has let it go this far through the years and never stood up for herself, me or the kids) make a choice.