I Hate My Mother In Law Forum & Chat Board | mil won't accept step grandchildren !!!

I have been with my dh for 5 yrs now and ever since we met my mil has never accepted my children from a previous marriage. My dh child (24) came to live with us for a year and I totally treated her like she was my own yet my mil insisted on giving her grandchildren money and gifts but gave mine much less.   I only want them to do something for my children if they really have it in their heart to do it but I hate my children feeling like they are not included or the same.   They have made it quite clear that they do not accept my children.  My husband backs me up 100% thankfully he will stand up to his mother and father as he knows in his heart they are wrong.  We have now decided to push his family to one side as my hubby feels that if they are not going to accept his step grandchildren then they can live without his love and affection too.   My husband is amazing and I feel very sad that he had turned his back on them but that was his decision not mine.  My hubands own children are very jealous of my children his children are 21 and 25 yet they are very immature. They only want us when they need money.  They promise to pay it back but never do and when they should pay it back they stop speaking to us so they avoid paying it.  My husbands parents think that his daughters shouldnt have to pay it back but my son has to so the rules should be the same.  My mil and fil are very well educated people and know exactly what they are doing.  Thank god that they are now 70 and have more years behind them then they do infront of them.  Should step grandparent treat step grandchildren the same....???? My children are very polite and well mannered and have always said thank you but yet they are still made to feel excluded.

 

I have a step mother, who's mother would give my brother and I some presents for christmas and a few pound here and there, if she ever did have more set aside for my sister she would give her it in private.
My step mothers, dad was the same he would give my sister her "extra presents when me and my brother were not there.
TBH with you I do feel grandparents do feel more connected with there own and do want to treat them that extra bit special, and I have no quams with this, and do not feel they wronged me in any way shape or form, as they did not need to give me anything.
My kids do not get any attention from their own biological grandmother, and unfortunantly I have no grandmother to offer them, and so my step mother is the only person who fills in that spot, and I am forever greatful for that.
Just remember that "step" grandparents may treat them different, but at the same time if she wants to be there for them even in part, they are lucky.
This is just from what I have read - obviously dont know the whole story, hope this helps. I am greatful as I say to my step grandparents, even if they treated us a little different, they have no obligation to talk to my brother and me atall.

 

I do not think grandparents have any obligation to step children or step grandchildren your kids are not there responsibility and it sucks that they cannot treat them better but you cannot ask them to love them like a bio relative... I'm a step parent myself and I take care of my step along with my 2 bio kids ..My bio kids love me but my step child loves her dad even though he does nothing for her and I picked up his slack she still just likes me a lot but loves her bio dad.. Ya it sucks for me cause i work hard to just be under appreciated, second fiddle to a deadbeat and liked conditionally meaning that like can turn to hate if I ever slipped up. On the flip side I love my bio kids more have savings only setup for them..It's not for me to do everything for the bio dad I have to look out for my own kids hope this helps

 

I have a similar issue. When my husband and I got together my kids from my first marriage were only 6 and 9, his were 2 and 5, but his family never have accepted them. We now have one together and I will no longer allow my children to feel one is more valuable then the other. I have cut my communication with my in laws and aunts uncles for my Childrens and my emotional well being. Blood has nothing to do with love. I married my husband and we are not related. I openly loved his children from his first marriage. Love is a choice. I chose to keep people in my life who really want to be a Part of it.

 

Is the bio dad your talking about your husband?

 

@ massrubb, you are SOOOOOOOOO wrong!! They should treat ALL the kids fairly. Having the same issue with my MIL. As far as I'm concerned I have 4 children, not 1. My husband considers his 3 step-kids as his own, so should his family. If they cannot treat them all the same....don't do for any of them, plain & simple.  If all else fails, they will have NOTHING to do with any of them!

 

I feel like this is my story.  We are a blended family.  I have two children and my husband has three children.  It has been a stuggle to blend the family and after 12 years the issues only become more difficult.  Not only do I have the MIL not accepting my children, I have my husband's ex-wife who finds my biological grandson an intrusion in her (ex's) children's lives.  I had changed the game plan and have voiced my opinion and have drawn the line with everyone.  Very difficult because they all are not taking it well.  My MIL does not buy my kids or my grandchildren who are her great-grandchildren-in-law presents.  OK that is fine, they don't now buy her anything.  What has become problematic is that my MIL looks at me and "my" family as intruders.  I am uncomfortable with that, and my husband just says she is from the olden days, since she is 77 years old I should suck it up.  The other problem is my husbands sons grew up in a wealthy family so they feel entitilement to my husband & my money.  I raised my kids in a low income family as a single parent and they ask for nothing but love.  My kids have manners and my husband's kids want more money and don't say thank you.  My MIL thinks just because my husband (her son) works now, it is his paycheck to do with what he wants and I just live there like I'm some mistress.  Well, throughout my younger years and putting both children through college, myself through college and then bought my own business which was successful, I feel like I have made my mark in this world not to be minimilized by my husbands family.  The best thing to do, is speak out, change the game plan and send them all to counceling.  Ugh..