I Hate My Mother Forum & Chat Board | someone has to be going through this

I have the mother who wouldn't give me the time of day, but now that she has had a serious stroke I am suddenly expected to help and visit.  When I am summoned then I have to listen to her complain about the first caregiver that lasted three days.  She is on the second one now.  I gave up a long time ago trying to have normal adult conversations.  My dad died last year so I think he totally buffered me from her narcissism.  I just want to blow off all her phone calls and be done with it.

 

No matter what she's done to you, she is your mother . My mother has hurt me in some really ****** up ways, but when she tried to kill herself last year i felt unbelievably responsible, because i had moved away earlier that year, and things that had happened in that time drove her to it . I wouldn't be able to live with myself if my mother died, (especially if it was a health reason we knew about, i.e. a pervious stroke) and I wasn't there . Trust me, you'll regret it if you let her go by . Maybe this will bring ya'll closer .

 

boy if I had one more person who says this is your mother and you are going to regret it if you don't help her.  there is no satisfaction in helping this woman.  it is nothing but aggravation and you can't get closer to a person who is only in love with themself. 

 

Hurray.  Finally someone can see where I am coming from.  At least you have other people to step in and do your mother's dirty work for her.  My brother is out of town and is mysteriously non communicating gee I wonder why.  It only has gotten worse.  On Sunday I went over there because she says she has to see me once a week.  This is the same woman that I wouldn't see or hear from for months at a time.  She wants me to cut her nails.  I tell her she is crazy and I am not going to do it.  I told her go get a manicure and a pedicure then she starts yelling at me and telling me she hasn't asked me to do anything.  Is she crazy.  I am the one who has been running around constantly doing her bidding.  I know it is not going to change so she gets an hour a week from me which I will be stretching to a week and half to two weeks when I can.  I don't see her getting any better.  She is totally drug seeking and making her self sick.  What they call that Munchhausen syndrome she definitely has that.  I'm screwed.

 

Oh yeah  you are in the same boat.  I can't tell you how many times I have told my husband and friends how much I have wanted to move out of the area and have for years.   The one thing I know if I were to have an opportunity to move I would and not give one thought to my mother.  I always say to myself if I wasn't around she would have to figure it out and she would.  I wish I could give you some encouragement but I still haven't figured out how to encourage myself.  I do know that I do have control over when I call and when I see and I think to bad Mom Paybacks are a B*****

 

I totally appreciated opening my email to find a new post from you.  I have to go to mommie dearest and do her bills.  I have been ordered to see her once a week although I have extended that to a week and a half.  I am doing everything I can to put off going there.  But I should just go and get it over with because then I am done for a week.  I literally stayed in bed all morning to prepare myself.  I don't know what person I will get.  Last time she yelled at me because I didn't want to cut her nails grosssss and she actually said "I haven't asked you to do anything."  I just though I was going to scream but I cut her nails and everytime she flinched it made me extremely satisfied, did the bills, listen to her ***** about the same old stuff and got out of there.  It took me two days to get over that.  So now I am off to do bills.  Hopefully I can get out of there pretty quick.  Ugh. 

 

yikes, I got out of there in less than an hour.  I am not getting paid monetarily although I am so tempted to dip in the cash I am holding for her.  She asked me to cut a nail today and I said no way I am not going to do it.  There was a stony silence as the caregiver was dismissed to go to the grocery store.  I did the bids and got some of things that she wanted to give my kids.  Then she brought up the nail thing again and I told her I am not going to be cutting her nails for the rest of her life so she was going to have to figure it out.  So she will figure it out or have very long nails and hopefully that will end that.  I still can't figure out why my heart is racing every time I say no to her.  It is so weird.  She may go in to assisted living in six months which would me a host of work for me then selling the house and getting rid of stuff but I will deal with that late.  Now I am done for the week with her and can enjoy my family.  Thanks for the gold star. 

 

Okay its another Wednesday and I am summoned to see my mom.  My stomach is all in knots and I don't want to go.  This is pitiful.  Why do I care if I go or not.  Why can't I just say no.  Yikes

 

not bad.  I just calmed myself and followed my card from my trust your vibes deck Don't take it personally  So everything she said and then repeated for the umpteenth time I didn't take it personally.  Now I have the whole week to myself  Yeah

 

The card deck is by Sonia Choquette and I saw her at a conference.  You just think of a problem, question or what ever and then you randomly pull a card from the deck.  Some of the phrases are walk it off, take time to breathe, don't take it personally, It is kinda fun because I can't tell you how many times it has been the advice I need for that day.  Totally recommend.  Your son is lucky that grandma bought anything.  My mom always turned my kids down that we quit asking.

 

for some reason, I am having a major panic attack about my weekly visit with my mother.  It probably doesn't have anything to do with the fact that she is interviewing a new home health care service because she doesn't like the one she hired.  Mind you the care that she is getting now is fine, but this woman is definitely never satisfied but it is everyone else and not her.  I don't want to go and I don't know why I have to and the only hope is I get out of there in an hour.  I am trying to each as much protein as I can so I won't faint.  Everybody keep your fingers crossed for me.

 

seriously...... your outta the house now.. your mother is not your business anymore.. if she suddenly decides she hates you then she can hop on her pogo stick and take a hike!

 

Absolutely, but do I dare to totally blow her off and not do her bills.  I always think like what kind of example this would set for my kids then I think this woman is certifiably NPD so what does it matter anyway.  I love your screen name

 

Well its Wednesday again and I have to go so me Narcissitic mother to write her bills.  I had to stay in bed all morning.  It was as if I was bracing for all the nastious I am going to face.  Last week was particularly interesting because the minute I left her house she was calling my cell phone and then proceeded to call four times more at various phones and then had the care giver show up to get this check that could have waited.  How pitiful at 46 I am worried about my mother yelling at me or scolding me for not acting correctly.  Keep good thoughts.

 

Its wednesday again and I have to go see my mother.  The only good thing is I haven't heard word one from her for a whole week.  It has been pure heaven.  Which only means holy h--- will happen.  But I am just keeping my mouth shut and hopefullly get out of there in an hour.  Keep a good thought for me. 

 

its thursday and another week has gone by and i am off to my mothers.  i wish i could not have to do this.  i don't know how not to.  i am thankful that i found the adult children of narcissists that has happen alot.  i wish i could be brave enough to have no contact.  i'm not sure what is stopping me.  i feel like i am so in her control. 

 

its Wednesday and I have been in bed all night on my second set of Excedrin.  I did not have to go to my mothers last week but had to see her at Thanksgiving.  Just avoided her as much as possible.  But today I have to go there and do her bills.  God I hate this.  I just can't seem to get out of doing this.  She is getting no better and never will.  I can't believe I am stuck doing this.

 

so true.  I don't want to jinx myself but I actually did say I wasn't going over last week and it was awesome and this week is xmas so I won't have to go over because she is coming here.  My goal is to get to once a month.  I really appreciate your post.  I still don't know why I feel like I can't just have no contact.  It should be an interesting new year.

 

I undertstand how you feel my mother moved in with me a month ago and it was the worst mistake ever.  I'm misserable and looking for the safest quickest way to get her out of my home.

 

Its like emotional black mail.   Believe me she knows how you feel.