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I Hate My Past

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 3,828 People

    And yet again I'm in the bathroom,

    on the floor crying my eyes out and at the same trying to keep quite so they don't find out. I hate it so much, been going on for 5-6 years now. Can't even stand up for myself because of him, I feel isolated, my arms don't move nor my legs. I just stand there motionless trying...
    Mixedemotions2k Mixedemotions2k 13-15, M 1 Response Feb 8

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    Dear, boring one. You're a repeated

    record Hesitating on opportunities Missing life by staring at blank white walls Pondering on words you wish you said Being left out of the excitement Never being imaginative but realistic I hate He hates you She hates you Just about everyone hates you When you swallow this...
    crumbling389 crumbling389 18-21, F Dec 12, 2014

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    ~ I Was Raped By My Uncle ~

    When I was in the 7th grade my uncle ( my dad's brother ) moved in with us , it was great at first , but one day I came home from school and my uncle was the only one there , he asked me to come to his bedroom he wanted to show me something , he told me to sit on his bed  so...
    BEAUTIFULDISASTER BEAUTIFULDISASTER 41-45, F 56 Responses Sep 8, 2006

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    lonely6999 lonely6999 16-17, M 1 Response May 5

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    It makes me not allow anything good happen to

    myself. I'm always questioning everything and jumping to conclusions cause I've seen it all before but sometimes I just need to relax and enjoy myself
    acorn288 acorn288 16-17, F Mar 24

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    It sounds romantic, doesn't it?

    The dream of fading away, vanishing into the night and when the sun comes up you simply cease to exist, or perhaps you become somebody new. All your troubles are left behind, you can undo every single wrong thing that you've done. It's as if you get to live another life, this...
    4inthemorningdew 4inthemorningdew 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 28, 2013

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    I Was Too Ashamed to Leave...

    I had a boyfriend, two years older, who seemed the all-american boy. He was smart, handsome, popular-- everything I wasn't in high school. I was the nerdy, frumpy, ugly duck who volunteered her weekends at soup kitchens or the library just to feel like she'd gone out at least. I...
    wolfton wolfton 18-21, F 12 Responses Oct 22, 2006

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    .....................

    .................
    weirdWorks4me weirdWorks4me 22-25, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    But I Can't Fix It

    So, what's the point of complaining?I choose to live for now, and plan for the future.
    Serenitree Serenitree 70+, F Oct 14, 2012

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    At One Time I Did

    There was a time in my llife when I would have said that I hated my past. From the time that I was a very young child up until the time that I was seventeen I dealt with abuse on many different levels. I only had one adut in my life that I did not suffer abuse from. To just make...
    washio2005 washio2005 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 24, 2011

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    OK... YES, I messed up in a big,

    big way but that was in 2001 for crying out loud. I got in trouble and the law made damn sure that I suffered and believe me, I get it. So why do people (ie: my wife) still feel the need to throw it in my face 14 years later? I just want to be alone. I'm so sick of being judged...
    SRayne SRayne 51-55, M May 3

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    Why does our past have to haunt me

    so much??!!! Ok, I'll just come out and say it...my ex used to think it was funny and a joke to repeatedly rape me, he would slap me if I wouldn't have sex with him, all because he said he had a sex problem and needed sex... And then when I would try to escape from him and run...
    AFriend2All AFriend2All 36-40, F 3 Responses Jan 26

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    Who I Am Today?.._x

    i know you shouldn't hate your past. your past makes me whi i am today, my past is why im here right now. but what if i don't like where i am now? or who i am? if the past was different so would i be, and so would where i'd be. i do hate my past, i do hate all the things that...
    FromTheHeartOfaWoman FromTheHeartOfaWoman 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 5, 2008

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    Living In Sin And Hatred

    My past is filled regrets, shame, and hatred. I can't think about my past for too long or else I get severe anxiety. I have so much hate inside my past and I can't seem to get rid of it. There are so many events I wish I could redo and even more actions I wish I could undo. I...
    IamMorbid IamMorbid 22-25, M 2 Responses May 30, 2013

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    I always try and tell myself

    that "yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery"
    SpaceGlitch SpaceGlitch 16-17, F 2 Responses May 3

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    "My past is ****** up Locked up Inside the dark

    side of my mind I try to escape But it leaves bait Luring me in to it's dark abyss" -Me
    GreenDayIsBae GreenDayIsBae 16-17, M 1 Response May 4

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    My Past Defines Who I Am Today...

    My past defines who I am today and I am a good person. It has not always been easy but, it has been what I needed at the time.
    tylrhere tylrhere 46-50, F 1 Response Apr 6, 2007

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    Sometimes Its Not Worth It

    Lying in the dark looking at nothing closing your eyes and seeing the demons coming ever closer teasing and flitting around you. 'Remember' they say mockingly - 'never forget'. Turning over trying to think of something, anything...
    inneedofguidance inneedofguidance 31-35 5 Responses Sep 10, 2011

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    EnigmaticStare EnigmaticStare 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    I have a story to tell,

    one I've been holding in for the longest time. When I was 7, my 10 y/o brother was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis and was in the hospital for 8 months. My mom stayed with him the entire time. She slept in a chair, ate at the cafe every morning, and helped him get through...
    Mixedemotions2k Mixedemotions2k 13-15, M 1 Response Jan 22

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    My Life... Please Don't Judge Me

    Starting with first things first. My mother gave me up for adoption but my grandparents ended up taking me instead of a family in Texas. That family died when I was 6. After that my mother tried to be involved in my life but never was, she couldn't even remember my birthday. Now...
    Itskaylababy Itskaylababy 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 22, 2012

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    I've messed up so many times in the past,

    and that's tainted my future. I pray that it just won't affect what I hope to achieve.
    Lunasnight Lunasnight 16-17, F 2 Responses May 3

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    I was bullied at school,

    I was bullied by my brother, I had to run away from home... I tried to contact my ex friend J. but I didn't succeed... I should forget the past, maybe I should. Too painful :'(
    disappeared88 disappeared88 26-30, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Between stupid things I've done,

    stupid things that happen, and stupid things that I do because of stupid things that have happened, I've got myself constantly thinking
    Matthew7211 Matthew7211 13-15, M 2 Responses Mar 29

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    I feel like my past is going to follow me all

    my life.. I guess thts life about.. Nobody is perfect but I hate it ..
    ladany19 ladany19 22-25, F 1 Response May 21

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    I just wish that I could undo some things.

    Not that I haven't learned from them or am stronger or w/e because of it.Its just, lifelong consequences really suck.I think the worst part of it is a part of myself refuses to forgive myself .Sometimes when things don't work out I say, "Yea I guess I deserve that." Even though...
    RafaReu RafaReu 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 16

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    I went to a SADD (students against destructive

    decisions) convention and speakers kept telling us that we should talk about stuff that we went through or that we are going through now. So I've decided to post my story I guess. I don't want people to feel bad for me or anything. I just needed to get it out because I've never...
    nobodyknows13 nobodyknows13 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    My Days As An Orphan

    "Natasha,...Does it hurt?" Said the boy on the bed next to me. I looked down to my hands, there wasn't really much to see since the lights were out, but I could feel the wounds and the torn skin.It was hard looking him back in the eyes. I don't remember his name really, but I do...
    NatashaBluerain NatashaBluerain 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 4, 2012

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    Forward

    Memories of eternal days, Left thy heart in holy grave From hatred of unusual pay Take my soul and be brave...
    eaden594 eaden594 16-17, M Jan 15, 2013

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    I Never Wanted Anyone To Know, Really...

    Someone gave me a bit of courage yesterday, to come out about my past and just tell everything. Okay...It all started when I was about 5 or 6, my parents always treated me well, but the problem was that we only spoke Russian,my sister and I didn't know a word of English so...
    XxthedarknesswillgrowxX XxthedarknesswillgrowxX 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 9, 2011

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    I have such a dark past

    that lingers in the back of my mind and sometimes it darkens my bright future and my amazing now that I'm living in
    Spfxartist13 Spfxartist13 16-17, F Jun 19

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    You can see a glimpse of

    who I was looking at my earlier stories. All I wanted to do was run away but I realized it's never good to run. So I'm facing this psycho who tried to ruin my life and I will win
    UnconditionallyGone UnconditionallyGone 16-17, M 4 Responses Feb 16

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    I have done some things in my past

    that still affect my relationship now
    sadandstressed sadandstressed 16-17, F May 22

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    Dark Cloud

    My past has always been this dark cloud that has hung over my head, one that never seems to pass, for I just don't know how to let it go. Some parts are things I've done to myself, other parts are things that have been done towards me. But all parts are things that remain in my...
    Lucidblue Lucidblue 36-40, F 12 Responses Aug 6, 2010

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    My mother has always humiliated

    and sort of abused me emotionally since I was a kid. I was a little tomboyish when I was a child and I grew up in an all-boys neighborhood. Mostly I would be with my grandparents because my mother was at work and father never around. I admit that I had no fashion-sense or...
    silverpapercut silverpapercut 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I hate it when people talk about their school

    days. People get all rosary eyed and wistful telling this story and that about being happy and having fun. To my core I hate it. Usually people don't notice me go silent. It's worse when they do notice because they'll usually assume that I was popular and had no issue. I hate...
    Drcreegan Drcreegan 26-30, M 1 Response Mar 20, 2014

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    I hate my past but I've grown

    and learned from it is what counts!
    Diamond1029 Diamond1029 16-17, F Dec 12, 2014

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    What They Did, What I Did

    I was abused by the people who were supposed to love & protect me most. After years of abuse, I got out of that situation. So what do I do? I abuse myself---all through my teen years, drugs, drinking, sex---I put myself in situations very much like those from my early childhood...
    dollbaybey dollbaybey 36-40, F 2 Responses Jul 22, 2012

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    Pretty soon my life will have been forgotten

    and I will be nothing more then, The Past.
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 1

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    Am I the only one that has allowed their past

    to mold them into something they regret.
    LotusFlower22 LotusFlower22 22-25, F 5 Responses May 9

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    prashuk1996 prashuk1996 18-21, M 1 Response May 3

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    People Think My Life Is Perfect...

    I have always been bullied since I was just starting school but that's not the thing bothering me the most... A month before I was born my dad died... It was a bad accident and it changed my life... I will never have met my real dad and my mom is the only biological parent now...
    AngryLittlePrincess AngryLittlePrincess 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 23, 2012

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    Alylovespuppies Alylovespuppies 18-21, F 3 Responses May 3

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    I hate in the past It always happen in my dream.

    I hate it. I want to forget it. Every time I try don't thought it but It will appear in my dream and then I awake up I felt sad and I thought someone who I love and I wanna forget the same time
    nimkansiri nimkansiri 22-25, F May 11

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    I was abused from a very early age

    but I'm not defeated I am a survivor not a victim they may have won the battle but I'm going to win the war x
    lchainey lchainey 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 17, 2014

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    It's not such a big thing,

    but my old classmates always bring up things I used to do or when sometimes I did something wrong. That's why I was so happy when I changed school, I don't have to see them again.
    Meduchan Meduchan 13-15, M Jun 18

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