I Hate Shaking Hands Forum & Chat Board | I hate this tiresome and unsanitary ritual

Every time I see all my in-laws the men insist on shaking hands and the women force me to hug them. I'm not really concerned with the sanitary issue--I just avoid touching my face or eating until I have had the opportunity to get to the bathroom and wash my hands with hot water and soap. It's just that it's such a silly ritual, like dogs sniffing each other's butts when they meet. I know none of these people honestly like me, so why indulge in the hypocracy of physical contact, as though we were blood brothers or something. Then there's the one brother-in-law who insists on trying to crush the bones in my hand. Christ, what a neanderthal. As for the hugging, I just don't want to put my arms around these women. And the 'shoulder hug' to avoid any possible chest-to-chest contact--judas priest, what a bunch of up-tight ninnies. I really, really wish I could get through the remainder of my life without ever having to touch anyone or be touched by anyone other than my wife. No hope, though, no hope.