I have hated appearing in pictures ever since I was a small child. I have kind of missed out on evidence of huge swathes of personal history because of my hatred of having my photo taken.
Recently, I went to stay with a life-long friend who became a real shutter-bug...
I hate it when people take pictures of me. when they tell me to smile, and i smile. i dont like it when years later i see it. i see a girl smiling straight into the camera... i think back to that moment, was i happy? i fake the smile, a picture is a lie.
There was this one...
Wouldn't you know it - just when you need to post some pictures - those things you once believed about yourself are now true! For instance, I was thin and beautiful but I thought I was ugly and fat, talk about irony...
Not so much hate, as I really don't want to leave any trace that I once existed, I've always felt like that one day I'll disappear, and maybe it won't be as painful for my friends and family if they didn't have anything to remember me by.
Just don't come out in pictures the way I perceive myself to be. I'm fun, free, young at heart and loving and when I see a picture or reflection I just see old, battered, hurt... I prefer to stay in denial.
I look disgusting in pictures so avoid them at any costs. I get angry when anyone tries to take one of me and when I see photos of myself, I want to cry. Sometimes I can't believe I walk around looking so vile.
I'm not picture material.
Don't enjoy seeing myself in them.
Doesn't matter what body or clothes you give me.
Still would be ... uncomfortable.
I read years and years ago that the American Indians believed that the "box" (the camera) would capture their spirit.
"Smile." She said, assuming that I wanted to be a part of her braindead photo collage. I ignored her and kept on reading. Click.
"That's a lousy picture, why aren't you even smiling?" She said in an accusing tone. I glared at her intently.