I Have A Joke Of The Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 8 People

    A Woman's Week At The Gym

    This humour – which I found in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear...
    UnderEli UnderEli
    46-50, M
    Aug 22, 2012

    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the

    Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    littlecarmel littlecarmel
    26-30, F
    Feb 11, 2015

    The Electric Fence

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared. We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure...
    UnderEli UnderEli
    46-50, M
    Aug 22, 2012
    littlecarmel littlecarmel
    26-30, F
    Apr 29, 2015

    Good One !

    I just tried to upload a picture of my Cat that I had written a story about. Since I had to delete my account before, I have not posted any pics and forgot that they needed to be re-sized and made smaller While I was trying I see in small letters underneath (no nudity...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Mar 11, 2011

    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats

    and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two...
    littlecarmel littlecarmel
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Jan 28, 2015

    A man asks his wife, "What would you do

    if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ***!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"
    littlecarmel littlecarmel
    26-30, F
    Mar 24, 2015

    My friend thinks he is smart.

    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Feb 6, 2015

    What happens to a frog's car

    when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel
    26-30, F
    Apr 25, 2015

    The Doctor's Day Off

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the...
    UnderEli UnderEli
    46-50, M
    Aug 22, 2012

    A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke,

    but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel
    26-30, F
    Feb 25, 2015

    Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his...
    UnderEli UnderEli
    46-50, M
    1 Response Aug 22, 2012

    Forget What I Just Said.

    This is the story of a poor ditzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day "May Day!  May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.  Help...
    UnderEli UnderEli
    46-50, M
    Dec 4, 2012

    I'm Going To Get In Trouble Over This One . . . But . . .

    I'm going to get in trouble over this one . . . Then again . . .
    UnderEli UnderEli
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

    My Cute Neighbour ...

    She's single...She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door ... I rushed to open it. She looks...
    smartlove007 smartlove007
    41-45, M
    1 Response Oct 16, 2012

    Related Experiences

    At school people tell a joke and everyone laughs but I don't. Then they say something no one laughs at but me. Awkward! But it's me and I'm fine with that.
    SmartyGenius SmartyGenius
    13-15, F
    Apr 21
    I have bad days today is one of them. It all went bad as soon as 12am hit. I had misunderstood my work schedule and thought I worked Thursday night which in actuality 3rd shift is...
    GabbyWoodBerry GabbyWoodBerry
    18-21, F
    Apr 21
    My wife asked me the other day, "At your age, what would you prefer to get - Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?" I answered, "Definitely Parkinson's. Better to spill half an ounce of...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    2 Responses Apr 21
    I was sitting at a bar when a lady noticed my new smart watch. She asked me about it and I told her it could do all kinds of cool things. "For example, it can tell if someone is...
    Gentle153 Gentle153
    26-30, M
    1 Response Apr 20
    I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I...
    actionjake actionjake
    56-60, M
    3 Responses Apr 19
    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age...
    actionjake actionjake
    56-60, M
    Apr 19
    A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    4 Responses Apr 19
    What are you wearing, Jake from state farm? Uh, khakis. :p Yes I bought khakis just to make this joke! I have to entertain myself somehow!
    2byoung 2byoung
    22-25, M
    3 Responses Apr 19
    I’m posting this hoping for feedback from a third party. I’ve been told by friends that my boyfriend is abusing me emotionally. - He only supports what I do if he likes it...
    LoreleiLoch LoreleiLoch
    18-21, F
    Apr 19
    Two men are out one morning, walking their dogs. One has a German Shepherd and the other has a Scotch Terrier.As they move along, the one says to the other,'What do you say we...
    johnny253 johnny253
    70+, M
    Apr 17
    I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads. This one should get First prize... I e-mailed it to my Japanese...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    5 Responses Apr 17
    I'm losing interest... in almost everything. It's like, it doesn't matter anymore. I don't know if it's just my mood today but I feel like I'm not going anywhere. I'm not...
    soyyoprincesa soyyoprincesa
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Apr 17
    One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose. 'Oh please excuse me,' said the...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    1 Response Apr 16
    When you find yourself sinking into the sadness, get out. Do something. Have brunch with a friend, do some shopping, catch a movie. Anything that ensures you don't stay in your...
    VioletVivid VioletVivid
    26-30
    Apr 16
    # 11 Sometime back, I answered a question. Someone posted that they are having sore throat and running temperature. I replied saying 'those are symptoms of blood cancer. Your...
    Abi936 Abi936
    22-25, M
    3 Responses Apr 16
    We were arguing while I was laying on the bed. He came over and in anger slapped my butt extremely hard. It hurt so bad I started to cry. An imprint of his had, red and swollen. It...
    Jennnnla Jennnnla
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Apr 16
    You don’t have to be Chinese to appreciate this one! Coca-Cola salesman returned from his assignment to China. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Chinese...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    5 Responses Apr 15
    Old Gertrude went to the newspaper office to report that her husband of 60 years, Ole, had just died, and she wanted to put in an obituary. "What do you want it to say?" asked the...
    HazelMotes HazelMotes
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Apr 15
    We have 8 days left.. Let's enjoy our 8 days.
    Ambushh Ambushh
    26-30, M
    1 Response Apr 14
    My family is broken. My parents absolutely DESPISE each other but they wont get a divorce. It's such an open subject to talk about because they just hate each other so much and...
    nevergoingtousethis nevergoingtousethis
    16-17, F
    Apr 14
    I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    3 Responses Apr 14
    So, a lot of you are wondering what really happened with me and Bon...my maths teacher. Its simple. Nothing. Its been months since I started to have feelings for him, and to say it...
    Cizzy Cizzy
    16-17, F
    Apr 14
    The day you got scammed, the day you got ripped off, the day with a nightmare. The day you lose your friend. The day you get yelled at by your boss. The day you're about to lose...
    PotatoStarch99 PotatoStarch99
    16-17, F
    1 Response Apr 14
    I trust. I feel. I love. Somewhere along the way I learn about doubts. Inconsistency and some discrepancy triggers it. Even the slightest simplest of things that don't add up can...
    soyyoprincesa soyyoprincesa
    22-25, F
    Apr 13
    After 15 years of marriage they finally achieved sexual compatibility - They both had a headache. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    1 Response Apr 13
    I didn't have internet for very long when I first went on Ep. I'm a late bloomer with a lot of technology. In the past, I got a lot of my internet socializing needs met on here...
    LarssenPinkFloyd LarssenPinkFloyd
    36-40, M
    1 Response Apr 13
    A man walked into a bar, and was astonished to see none other than Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, sitting at a table and carrying on an animated conversation. The man went up to them...
    HazelMotes HazelMotes
    51-55, M
    10 Responses Apr 12
    I hate hate hate having crushes, it always ends bad. Make my heart into that of a robot's, I'd be so much better for it. I can't control these damn emotions, even if I wanted to...
    Iscarpia87 Iscarpia87
    26-30, M
    1 Response Apr 12
    As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    3 Responses Apr 12
    Teacher: "Why did you laugh?" Boy: "I saw a strap of your bra." Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for the next 1 week. Another boy laughs..." Teacher: "Why did you laugh?" Boy...
    Lucifer63 Lucifer63
    16-17, M
    3 Responses Apr 12
    Epic closes in 9 days and 13 hours. I thought it was a joke at first but it's true and I received a message about a new and improved one being made, if you haven't gotten the email...
    Frank941 Frank941
    18-21, M
    Apr 12
    Wow. This weekend was somethin' else, I'll give you that. So. My step mom was in California on Friday and Saturday. When she's gone, my dad and I actually talk and we get along...
    IntenseCookie IntenseCookie
    18-21, F
    9 Responses Apr 12
    ...Its very important that I tell you guys... I AM THE UNITED BLOODY KINGDOM!!! This is a Hetalia reference, since I act WAYYYYY too much like Arthur... Like, he can...
    EridianaAndErin EridianaAndErin
    13-15, F
    Apr 11
    A riddle: two brothers have an unusual bet-- they each think their horse is the slowest. They decide to run a race to prove it. They each mount their horse at the starting line...
    Woody6 Woody6
    41-45, M
    7 Responses Apr 11
    A man mistakenly sent two million to a wrong phone number via mobile money transfer. After thinking of a way to stop the person from withdrawing the money, he came up with an idea...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Apr 11
    WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH A WOMAN IS REALLY STRESSFUL !! . Wife: Honey Which teams are playing? . Husband: Arsenal vs Manchester United. . Wife : Oooh wonderful! I Love Arsenal...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Apr 11
    A man went to church on Sunday and gave testimony that he was infected with ebola and God had healed him. When he had finished, he tried to give the mic to the 2nd man but the 2ND...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag
    22-25, F
    Apr 11
    Irish Nun In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    2 Responses Apr 11
    People should really stop saying they have OCD, when they may not. Believe me, i've lived with someone who has it and I know what I'm saying exactly. OCD is not always wanting...
    Annaxx11 Annaxx11
    18-21, F
    Apr 11
    Mine stated in like grade 8..i have on my hands and feet groin armpits and nose...it progressively got worse as I got older.i have periods of dry spells so thank God for that..i am...
    dizzy1575 dizzy1575
    36-40, F
    Apr 11
    A Nebraskan Farm Story Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car.The driver tried to avoid it...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    3 Responses Apr 10
    It's finally happening... I never thought that I'd see the day that I'd take down all my work from Wattpad, but the day finally came yesterday. It wasn't a decision that I...
    LoneSouls LoneSouls
    31-35, F
    Apr 10
    Everyone be aware of the user updown999. This little man for some odd reason took offense to my post (which was nothing malicious) and when I was was telling him that he was being...
    PetiteChica PetiteChica
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Apr 9
    HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (WRITTEN BY KIDS) YOU GOT TO FIND SOMEBODY WHO LIKES THE SAME STUFF. LIKE, IF YOU LIKE SPORTS, SHE SHOULD LIKE IT THAT YOU LIKE SPORTS, AND SHE...
    Rusham Rusham
    66-70, M
    3 Responses Apr 9
    Dear Mr. Trudeau; Prior to coming to Canada, I married a widow out of love who had an 18-year-old daughter. After the wedding, my father, a widower, came to visit a number of...
    pdqsailor1 pdqsailor1
    51-55, M
    4 Responses Apr 9
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