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I Have A Joke Of The Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 10 People

    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the

    Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 2 Responses Feb 11

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    The Doctor's Day Off

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    A man asks his wife, "What would you do

    if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ***!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 24

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    A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke,

    but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 2 Responses Feb 25

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    Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M 1 Response Aug 22, 2012

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    What happens to a frog's car

    when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 25

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    My Cute Neighbour ...

    She's single...She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door ... I rushed to open it. She looks...
    smartlove007 smartlove007 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 16, 2012

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    My friend thinks he is smart.

    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 6

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    Good One !

    I just tried to upload a picture of my Cat that I had written a story about. Since I had to delete my account before, I have not posted any pics and forgot that they needed to be re-sized and made smaller While I was trying I see in small letters underneath (no nudity...
    VoteForPedro VoteForPedro 51-55, F 4 Responses Mar 11, 2011

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    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats

    and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two...
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 28

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    The Electric Fence

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared. We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    I'm Going To Get In Trouble Over This One . . . But . . .

    I'm going to get in trouble over this one . . . Then again . . .
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

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    Forget What I Just Said.

    This is the story of a poor ditzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day "May Day!  May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.  Help...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Dec 4, 2012

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    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 29

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    A Woman's Week At The Gym

    This humour – which I found in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    A Nurse tells the doctor, 'You're not gonna believe what I've just seen.' He said, 'What?' ''There are three black fellas and one of them has got a white penis.' The Doctor goes...
    Gavriella Gavriella 26-30, F 1 Response 16 mins ago

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    A man walked out to the street and immediately catches a taxi in New York City. The cabbie says, "Perfect timing, you're just like Brian. " Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 hr ago

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    Another story, this one is about something that happened today that made my heart go all a-flutter and make me feel like I was in a Jane Austin novel... Yesterday I treated myself...
    RaiseYourWhat RaiseYourWhat 26-30, F 2 hrs ago

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    I just had a debate with Jehovah's Witness about anxiety and depression. They provided the following bible verse: [Matthew 6:25-34 34: Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, for...
    LuckyInTheSkyWithDiamonds LuckyInTheSkyWithDiamonds 22-25, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    For about 4 years i struggled with bulimia i felt like a walking zombie. I looked terrible and i felt terrible often i would think about suicide never with intentions to act upon...
    supmynig supmynig 16-17, M 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    Ever since i was about 9 i've been suffering with being hairier than all the other girls. Now at 17 i have hair everywhere- my chest, back, stomach, neck, whole face, and my legs...
    Beyhivehoney Beyhivehoney 16-17, F 6 hrs ago

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    Theres somethings you cant or just dont want to talk to people about but need to get off your chest somehow. My childhood was strange i remember my mother picking me and my...
    Cloudsandcream Cloudsandcream 22-25, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    It has been over a year since we started trying to get pregnant. It became increasingly difficult to even want to try. At first it was exciting. But as the months went on, it...
    St4rbright St4rbright 26-30, F 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    When I was 10 years old, I was with my mom and dad at my older brothers wedding. The wedding was at 11 am , and we overslept. I just had time to go pe before my mom made me get...
    pollypatterson19 pollypatterson19 18-21, F 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    I met this Italian lady (29 now) 2 years ago when visiting a friend. We were both struck by lightning and fell in love with each other though we did not mention it at the time. She...
    DutchDaniel DutchDaniel 26-30, M 4 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    I'm an interracial adoptee from Africa, adopted by a white family. These last few years I've been thinking about the stories my adoptive parents have told me about what happened...
    Tearystar1027 Tearystar1027 18-21 10 hrs ago

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    A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race begin?” The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made.” Two days...
    tammy96 tammy96 51-55, M 5 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Today is one of those days that every year I get filled with every emotion under the sun, 15 years ago I had an abortion and the father was and still is the love of my life...
    destiny00000 destiny00000 36-40 15 hrs ago

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    Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction. What did the black man say to his wife when he got home from work? He said "Hi honey. I...
    theguywiththeredhair theguywiththeredhair 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    The Banquet Server..I worked for G-6 Summit in the Kitchen.. of Hotel Redyison..Helped out with Prep mostly cleaning Dishes. I had called out on a Sunday; it felt Tedious to work...
    KCeiykaey KCeiykaey 31-35, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I worked for the local news paper for a lot of years and I still remember what one of the press guys did as a joke on one of the bosses in the press room. Sean he is one of the...
    Lockiel45 Lockiel45 46-50, M 3 days ago

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    Last night was a very long dream. It started out with me liking to explore this forest, and I keep bumping into and meeting famous rappers there. But then one day as I was going to...
    PinkMellow PinkMellow 18-21, F 4 days ago

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    Half of the time I tell a joke- the joke is me because I make no sense 😂😝😭👌😆😎
    Jaazz1987 Jaazz1987 16-17 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    And today was a bad one... But tomorrow is a new day!
    Lotusflower80 Lotusflower80 31-35, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    For as long as i can remember i have been daydreaming to get myself to sleep. For hours i would just sit and daydream about whatever i was worrying about or of my crush. i suffer...
    Ali3579 Ali3579 16-17, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    What do you call a frog in the secret service?? Infrognito Dad jokes are the best jokes, no lie :)
    sfairy27 sfairy27 13-15, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Class starts at 11am. I'm nervous! I know I'll be ok. I'll focus, get through it like last spring. Just have first day jitters.
    Sweetgirl4u2 Sweetgirl4u2 31-35, F 9 Responses a week ago

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    I'm looking for some comforting words/advice. So here's how the story goes I slept with this very good looking boy 5 months ago, and ever since had an insanely deep "crush" on...
    alexisxxxxxx alexisxxxxxx 13-15, F 6 Responses Aug 23

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    I could use a few good ones. :( lately I've only had crappy, terrible ones!! I mean HORRIBLE ones. I'm putting it out there, universe... You've got my attention!! What now?!?! A...
    omgwut omgwut 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 22

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    And when I have a great day it always turns to sh*t like today. husband was supposed to be off at 4 but someone is sick. So this makes 60+ hours for the week he has had to work...
    vault101 vault101 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 22

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    I have a day with my parents and a night full of racing I DO NOT NEED A HEADACHE FROM HELL TODAY.
    eddie2448 eddie2448 26-30, M 1 Response Aug 22

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    Finally, I have a group to share this amazing Twin Flame things! I met someone in February who reminded me of my Dad. He's 32. and i was 22 (now, 23). I met him by online. We're...
    jespril jespril 22-25, F Aug 21

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