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I Have A Joke Of The Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 5 People

    The Doctor's Day Off

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    I'm Going To Get In Trouble Over This One . . . But . . .

    I'm going to get in trouble over this one . . . Then again . . .
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

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    A Woman's Week At The Gym

    This humour – which I found in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 22, 2012

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    Forget What I Just Said.

    This is the story of a poor ditzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day "May Day!  May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.  Help...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Dec 4, 2012

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    Good One !

    I just tried to upload a picture of my Cat that I had written a story about. Since I had to delete my account before, I have not posted any pics and forgot that they needed to be re-sized and made smaller While I was trying I see in small letters underneath (no nudity...
    VoteForPedro VoteForPedro 51-55, F 4 Responses Mar 11, 2011

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    My Cute Neighbour ...

    She's single...She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door ... I rushed to open it. She looks...
    smartlove007 smartlove007 41-45, M 3 Responses Oct 16, 2012

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    The Electric Fence

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared. We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    When I was just a baby my parents have told me that I did this thing we call "flapping", where I would sit in my high chair and flap my arms around and rock back and forth. It...
    pretendingagain pretendingagain 13-15, F 4 days ago

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    Today. I don't want to be a mom. For one day I don't want to be responsible. Day in day out I'm mom and dad. Today I want to be irresponsible. Today I want to get drunk. Today I...
    Jess7787 Jess7787 26-30, F Aug 12

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    There's bad days, then there's days like this. Today was horrible. Rest in peace sweet angel your sleeping up in heaven as I type this. I hope God or whatever higher power is...
    Jess7787 Jess7787 26-30, F Aug 1

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    I often feel like I'm losing my mind and now that I'm trying to stop it, I feel worse. I have never spoken with anyone who suffers from Daydreaming as well. I want to talk to...
    Kailygrace1207 Kailygrace1207 13-15, F Aug 2

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    Many. But that shows good days. If i live through the bad.
    Livyn4pals Livyn4pals 46-50, M Aug 12

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    I've had maladaptive daydreaming since I was 9. My fantasies have always been about celebrities and people I've made up. They are mostly sexual,funny, and family oriented. I've...
    AnonymousDaydreamer AnonymousDaydreamer 18-21, F 12 hrs ago

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    Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss: "Certainly not!" Assistant: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response 19 hrs ago

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    At 33 yrs old, I guess I should have outgrown daydreaming about 20 years ago! I do it all the time. I drifted off on my way to work this morning, and suddenly I arrived at the...
    ConcreteSleeper ConcreteSleeper 31-35, M Aug 2

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    I have good days and bad days. Today would be the latter. I really want to cut but cigarette burns are easier and less noticeable. I hate just laying here overthinking. Kill me.
    TheLonelyStoner95 TheLonelyStoner95 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 2

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    The last two weeks I've only had one day to myself, this has been such a busy summer. I volunteered at a summer camp for a month, served at my church quite a bit, and done various...
    TheSongPlaysWithin TheSongPlaysWithin 16-17, F Aug 19

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    I'm having a very strong urge to stop taking my antipsychotics. I'm about to work a full week for the first time. If I stop taking them now I'll have one day off before I start my...
    NoraDysphoria NoraDysphoria 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 3

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    I think crying myself to sleep has become an every night thing. There's something about laying in the dark, alone, that just makes me so sad that I can't sleep. Wake up tired. Not...
    FutureGleason FutureGleason 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 7

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    She and her new found lover do not know that I know... The question for me is when I confront them both and destroy his wife's world as well... I will have my day...
    HPage HPage 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 15

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    I sort of do life right now I'm certain would be totally different, and more interest than it is now. That, and my life sucks big time as it is I really wouldn't mind having such...
    strivexwulf strivexwulf 18-21, T Aug 16

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    So I've been having this bed bug problem in my room for a while. Since the beginning of June to be exact. My dad hasn't put out ANY effort to fix the problem the past month and a...
    TheMasterMan1 TheMasterMan1 16-17, M 31 mins ago

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    When I was a kid, i used to have a ton of friends, then i moved.... Everyone i knew was gone. After that i never really had any friends. I would always just get through school...
    Snsndmdmam Snsndmdmam 26-30, F 1 Response 54 mins ago

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    Religious jokes are my favorite kind of jokes They make me literally LOL and brighten up my days a little What's your favorite kind of jokes?
    AutoLove0 AutoLove0 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 3

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    We all love a good joke. And recycled jokes are wonderful. When we hear a god joke we want to share it. We laughed and we want to see others laugh. And there's always that...
    FriendlyBryan FriendlyBryan 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 9

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    In my first "experience" I told you that you and I are different. This experience will just be peeling back one of the layers so you can see in more detail. I was diagnosed with...
    AshTheShade AshTheShade 31-35, M Aug 10

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    Between my 8th grade and freshman years of high school, I took an online class called "philosophy and pop culture." It taught basic theories and principles of philosophy as well as...
    WhimsicalWerd WhimsicalWerd 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 29

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    The dark rain, jogging in the degree of the playground, rain down a sewer flow, tick, playing a song of memories of movement. Memories, rainy night, playground, we are not in the...
    baobeiaa baobeiaa 22-25, F 45 mins ago

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    The dark rain, jogging in the degree of the playground, rain down a sewer flow, tick, playing a song of memories of movement. Memories, rainy night, playground, we are not in the...
    baobeiaa baobeiaa 22-25, F 43 mins ago

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    “Hey guys who wants to hear a blonde joke?” Said a blind old man after settling himself down on a stool in the bar. The question was met with dead silent After a few second...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 13

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    my younger sister, 13, has adhd, dyslexia, dyspraxia, severe learning disabilities, and autism. she still plays with toys (pepper pig, ploymobile, ect.) because she has such a low...
    pandoraspromise pandoraspromise 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    Blind Pilots One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 31

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    My brother ODed three years ago. He didn't die, it was just a big scare. He had his stomach pumped so it's all good but for three days while he was baker acted I was left in the...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Aug 10

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    I'm fully aware that I'm unattractive. I often make jokes about it. Some people lecture me about the jokes, saying I shouldn't insult myself. They don't understand that I don't...
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 8 Responses Aug 18

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    After thinking hard about past events in my life, i came across the many times i have gotten the mail nude. Only until recently have i felt some sort of remorse for the many men...
    AnonR AnonR 70+, T 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    The old lady fell down the well that had no water. She would have maybe survived if it had water but the pump was not working. Maybe we should all laugh cause, you know? That is...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 14

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    Words From Famous Women Words From Famous Women ... "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F Aug 15

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    Well I found it my beanie is gone forever. I went to have a check up at the doctors and I gave my beanie to my mom while I got my shot and my doctor was talking with my mom I...
    DysfunctionalPiano DysfunctionalPiano 13-15, F 4 Responses Aug 15

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    Prison and Work...one and the same! IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK.....You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle. IN PRISON...You...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 3 days ago

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    I have known that this was an actual thing for a couple years now. My parents still don't believe that it's an actual form of OCD and they keep telling me to "just stop". I have...
    cyrn97 cyrn97 16-17, F 1 hr ago

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    I'm almost always distracted.I was grown in a pretty problematic family and beaten by them a lot, and remember my very first daydreams as a child were about "me making traps...
    SorryWhatDidYouSay SorryWhatDidYouSay 22-25 Aug 3

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    If your walls could talk what would they say? The walls of my childhood bedrooms would tell a story of a seemingly normal boy, regular life, loving family, but he partook in an odd...
    drpepper666 drpepper666 26-30, M Aug 4

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    I see a lot of I like jokes read them and they are not funny. Well neither is this, but this was not meant to be a joke.
    liveitover liveitover 41-45, M Aug 7

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    Here's a joke for you's! 😂 Guy 1: "You cannot rap". Guy2: "How's that?". Guy1: " Because the only rap you can do is a sandwich" Sorry if no one gets it. I'm a terrible joker...
    SarahTheHunter SarahTheHunter 16-17, F 4 Responses Aug 8

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    Is it me or are the jokes in this group always so... generic and boring? xD Personal opinions I guess, but everytime I read a joke I'm like: ._. Give me spontaneous humour that...
    Junkard Junkard 22-25, M 4 Responses Aug 13

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    Hey I just wanted to check if I have this or if im doing the google diagnosis thing, I tend to worry a lot in the past I’ve self-diagnosed myself with gingivitis and Asperger...
    baddancer baddancer 22-25, F 3 Responses Aug 19

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    I have a major crush on my female boss and it's driving me so crazy!! I've been working at my job for a little over a month now, and I can't help but to think about her all day...
    Lynnie21 Lynnie21 18-21, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago