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I Have A Joke Of The Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 9 People

    Good One !

    I just tried to upload a picture of my Cat that I had written a story about. Since I had to delete my account before, I have not posted any pics and forgot that they needed to be re-sized and made smaller While I was trying I see in small letters underneath (no nudity...
    VoteForPedro VoteForPedro 51-55, F 4 Responses Mar 11, 2011

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    Forget What I Just Said.

    This is the story of a poor ditzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day "May Day!  May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.  Help...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Dec 4, 2012

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    A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke,

    but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 2 Responses Feb 25

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    My friend thinks he is smart.

    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 4 Responses Feb 6

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    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats

    and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two...
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 28

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    A man asks his wife, "What would you do

    if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ***!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F Mar 24

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    A Woman's Week At The Gym

    This humour – which I found in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    The Electric Fence

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared. We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    My Cute Neighbour ...

    She's single...She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door ... I rushed to open it. She looks...
    smartlove007 smartlove007 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 16, 2012

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    Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 22, 2012

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    The Doctor's Day Off

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    I'm Going To Get In Trouble Over This One . . . But . . .

    I'm going to get in trouble over this one . . . Then again . . .
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

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    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the

    Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 2 Responses Feb 11

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    What happens to a frog's car

    when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 day ago

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    Related Experiences

    Having such a horrible yet emotional night. It takes a lot to make me cry and tonight it's been on and off. I'm sure it's been building up tho. So I will cry it out tonight because...
    Fullofsunshine Fullofsunshine 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I just found out that I have Maladaptive Daydream and I've had it since I can remember. This is my first time telling someone about 'my world'. I have always been scared of people...
    ObsessedMarch ObsessedMarch 13-15, F 4 days ago

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    I have days where I just shut down. Yeah, I'm doing okay and better than I was. Though I have those days where I'm sad and don't do anything. I hate those days
    EssSmith EssSmith 16-17, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Have bad days and today is one of them! Could not sleep last night until 3 am only to be woken up by 2 year old who would not let me sleep or move to get comfortable.
    rosesheart rosesheart 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 8

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    Hi I'm a person who suffers from maladaptive daydreaming. I'm 16yrs old and I just found out I have MD. It has been bugging me for awhile about how I always seemed to daydream at...
    freshstarter11 freshstarter11 16-17 2 days ago

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    well first of all i feel totally embarrassed because i asked someone if there black and they took it to offense it was my classmate not a stranger.and it's not racist because im...
    jmiller101 jmiller101 13-15 Apr 2

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    Days like today have me thinking "If I was dead would anyone miss me?"
    GoddessKaiya GoddessKaiya 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 4

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    If you have a dark day, call it a night
    y2kalmeida y2kalmeida 31-35, F 1 Response Apr 16

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    Maladaptive Daydreaming is honestly ruining my life... I feel so alone because I feel like a freak. I lost my friends because I daydream so often, I never have time to/want to do...
    WeWereImaginary WeWereImaginary 13-15, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Found out my benefits haven't been stopped,left the Jobcenter early,ordered my first sex toy,had some bacon. Today's been good so far.
    KurMujun KurMujun 18-21, M 2 Responses Mar 26

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    today was just really really bad. I talked to my ex (the infamous guy in a couple of my less skanky, more depressing experiences) and he wants to try us again. He went through...
    KittyCunt KittyCunt 18-21, F Apr 2

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    I hate love I mean it ***** you over a lot and that just sucks
    AmarHamdan AmarHamdan 18-21, F Mar 27

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    Ugh.....parents that meddle and change their ******* minds after the fact...so pissed off!!!
    mongoheadmonster mongoheadmonster 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 27

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    Today is one of those. He manipulates me and I let him. Belittles me and I let him. Controls things and I let him. I'm the problem....
    Happinessismine Happinessismine 31-35, F 2 Responses Apr 8

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    I am so aggravated today and I really wish I weren't I've just got so much crap going on and I wish I could just get rid of all of it.
    wreckofagirl wreckofagirl 22-25, F Apr 11

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    I have already shared an experience on here about this disorder I suffer from. I just wanted to update on it. A couple months ago, like two, I decided I would end my major daydream...
    DreamCloud17 DreamCloud17 18-21, F Apr 7

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    I'm so glad that I found this because I just thought I was a freak but I have multiple daydreams that are each very specific and detailed. Most days I spend hours in these...
    annamarie1295 annamarie1295 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 3

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    It feels weird to read all these posts about boyfriends/husbands leaving for boot camp, because I wrote those same posts 11 weeks ago. It's strange to sit here and realize I only...
    AnnaBrke1 AnnaBrke1 18-21, F Apr 2

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    Well a few years ago one of my family members had gotten some kind of brain cancer and it made her to where she had memory loss. she couldnt remember any of her family or anything...
    NikkiBaby1698 NikkiBaby1698 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 11

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    I have this but I have periods of denial which mess me up mentally because admitting to having such a disabling disease is so difficult. I go to college because my parents forced...
    fallenstar23 fallenstar23 22-25, F Apr 16

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    The heart beats...thoughts form A pulling within, that will not let go To feel in the very depths of your core, knowing you can never have another day, where this feeling does...
    WithinTheHeart WithinTheHeart 36-40, F 2 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Should I seek disclosure and tell her how I feel? We dated for awhile but nothing official we can't be together for God know reasons. I have good days and bad days. I try not to...
    ImLimerence ImLimerence 31-35, M Apr 2

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    I have one of my life's biggest decision lying in front of me but I can't decide what to do. I've taken so much time but I don't know what to do. I've been trying to put it...
    Imexhausted Imexhausted 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Do you have those days that you are walking and walking, you go home sleep, you dream that you are walking, you wake up and keep walking again... lol
    Ninive Ninive 26-30, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity and clumsiness, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "You're driving me mad, Tyrone.” One day Tyrone...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 4 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Joe the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Joe showed them...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    ⌂ Home Debbie Avatar Debbie ⚙ Forgive my spelling errors (was very hard to write) Also forgive how long winded this is, but fellow FM sufferers can relate to how...
    debbie913 debbie913 31-35, F 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    We all know someone who has passed away. Well, maybe you're fortunate to have not, but I guarantee you know someone who has. Death isn't all as bad as people make it out to be...
    HelloKardashiann HelloKardashiann 18-21, F 2 Responses