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I Have A Joke Of The Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 9 People

    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the

    Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 11, 2015

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    What happens to a frog's car

    when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F Apr 25, 2015

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    The Electric Fence

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared. We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    Forget What I Just Said.

    This is the story of a poor ditzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day "May Day!  May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.  Help...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Dec 4, 2012

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    Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M 1 Response Aug 22, 2012

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    Good One !

    I just tried to upload a picture of my Cat that I had written a story about. Since I had to delete my account before, I have not posted any pics and forgot that they needed to be re-sized and made smaller While I was trying I see in small letters underneath (no nudity...
    VoteForPedro VoteForPedro 51-55, F 4 Responses Mar 11, 2011

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    A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke,

    but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 25, 2015

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    A Woman's Week At The Gym

    This humour – which I found in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    My Cute Neighbour ...

    She's single...She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door ... I rushed to open it. She looks...
    smartlove007 smartlove007 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 16, 2012

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    A man asks his wife, "What would you do

    if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ***!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F Mar 24, 2015

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    My friend thinks he is smart.

    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 2 Responses Feb 6, 2015

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    The Doctor's Day Off

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F Apr 29, 2015

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    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats

    and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two...
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 28, 2015

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    I'm Going To Get In Trouble Over This One . . . But . . .

    I'm going to get in trouble over this one . . . Then again . . .
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    I always had bad days, had bad days from childhood only just because of financial condition , I didn't got enjoyment which children should get in childhood. I got mature at early...
    sreyance24 sreyance24 16-17, M 26 mins ago

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    He walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 hr ago

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    No date on valentines day?? Valentines day is here again , If you haven't got a date then apparently all the people who have feel sorry for us . Just a little thought but if your...
    yak3 yak3 41-45, F 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Can not stop thinking about him. From day one I was attracted towards him. We just started sharing an Office. The other day he was having sprain in shoulder and I offered a lil...
    rumi15 rumi15 31-35, F 5 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Unemployed? Suddenly Out of Work? Are you sick & tired of applying, sending out resumes with no results? I know because I've been there too! After 40 years of constant...
    Gfountain Gfountain 56-60, M 3 hrs ago

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    That one phrase that always got used when I brought up how controlling she was: "Would you rather not have anyone to love and take care of you, like I did? You should be thankful...
    eristwhile eristwhile 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    I myself, have no clue what to do with my life. I finished year 12 last year and even then, whenever a peer would ask me questions like "what do you want to study in university...
    breesworld breesworld 16-17, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    I guess it sucks to find out you been cheated right before valentines day also makes it worse when your pregnant
    maddieloveslife17 maddieloveslife17 16-17, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    Wake up sunshine! Rise and shine ! I wish all my wonderful EP friends a great day! Remember : Wednesday is hump day, so let's celebrate it properly !!!!
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 8 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    A man died and went to The Judgment, they told him , “Before you meet with God, I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do...
    Paschar Paschar 61-65, M 2 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I wish I could sleep this day off... why do people have to celebrate Valentines Day. I know I shouldn't envy others, I try but I always fail on this day :(
    sagard1994 sagard1994 18-21, M 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    i recently broke up with my now ex. and im kinda glad to be alone on Valentine's day. but yeah.
    Kmarcum99 Kmarcum99 16-17, F 11 hrs ago

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    I never realized this was a thing until I looked up excessive daydreaming the other day. I wish I knew how to stop since it kills my productivity but the person I imagine myself to...
    lvk80 lvk80 22-25, F 2 days ago

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    Ok so it's been ages since i've shared anything so how about some venting eh ? i gotta say that 2016 didn't start as calmly as i was hoping it would, January has been very...
    Freude91 Freude91 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    I find the happier my days are the harder and lonlier my nights are. The highs are wonderful but the lows are awful. No matter how hard I try I can't even out! I just want to feel...
    sleepingwaitingformydream sleepingwaitingformydream 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Quitting MDD - my story Hi friends, I posted about quitting MDD a couple months ago and just wanted to give everyone an update and offer whatever help I can. I have been...
    BuddhistAddict BuddhistAddict 26-30 3 days ago

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    I' feel like i need to write this out.Ive had maladaptive daydreaming since I was 5 years old.And no I'm 20. I don't know what caused it,but I think it's because when I was young I...
    skyy23 skyy23 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I am going to try putting my picture for my profile pic up again for awhile. Hope things go better this time. I was sick of the weird messages and comments
    strawberyblond strawberyblond 70+, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    And today was one of them.......
    sagespoo sagespoo 16-17, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Like today. It's like the universe is conspiring against me. So I want to go walking, then it starts to rain. When I come back in it stops. When I plan to go out again, I lose my...
    DiabolusInMusica DiabolusInMusica 31-35, F 4 days ago

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    These are two stories of one of my class periods inside jokes from this month and not my own, but whatever. A few days ago during math, we were talking about the lesson and our...
    Lcy2472 Lcy2472 13-15, F 5 days ago

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    I have frequent daydreams about violence caused towards me. Such projectiles or arrows going through my body, being hit by a high-speed train, being beaten up, water-cannoned and...
    quirkyowl quirkyowl 22-25, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    today was horrible but tomorrow is Friday :)
    sierraseptember sierraseptember 26-30, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    A German woman married an American gentleman born in Virginia and they lived happily ever after in his home town. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Only Facebook doesn't have bad days. Avoid Facebook.
    wouldiknow wouldiknow 31-35, M 6 days ago

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    yes,but everyone does at times you just have to learn to work through them and make the best out of it!
    cieloissky cieloissky 16-17, F 6 days ago