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I Have A Joke Of The Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 9 People

    I'm Going To Get In Trouble Over This One . . . But . . .

    I'm going to get in trouble over this one . . . Then again . . .
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

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    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the

    Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 2 Responses Feb 11

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    Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M 1 Response Aug 22, 2012

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    A Woman's Week At The Gym

    This humour – which I found in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    Forget What I Just Said.

    This is the story of a poor ditzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day "May Day!  May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.  Help...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Dec 4, 2012

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    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 29

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    A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke,

    but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 2 Responses Feb 25

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    My Cute Neighbour ...

    She's single...She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door ... I rushed to open it. She looks...
    smartlove007 smartlove007 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 16, 2012

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    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats

    and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two...
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 28

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    My friend thinks he is smart.

    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 6

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    A man asks his wife, "What would you do

    if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ***!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 24

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    The Doctor's Day Off

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    What happens to a frog's car

    when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 25

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    Good One !

    I just tried to upload a picture of my Cat that I had written a story about. Since I had to delete my account before, I have not posted any pics and forgot that they needed to be re-sized and made smaller While I was trying I see in small letters underneath (no nudity...
    VoteForPedro VoteForPedro 51-55, F 4 Responses Mar 11, 2011

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    The Electric Fence

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared. We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure...
    UnderEli UnderEli 46-50, M Aug 22, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Found one I havent seen...hilarious -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpV6_nRCb2s&sns=em
    txbtrfly txbtrfly 41-45, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Some days I get so overwhelmed, so frustrated, that I literally want to hurt something... hurt someone... so I do. Some days I get so mad, at the littlest of things, that all I...
    Greyeyess Greyeyess 18-21, F 1 hr ago

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    I'm currently 18 years old. I'm hoping i'm on the road to recovery for my psychosis. I believe i've had it for roughly a year, along with depression for 6. For the first time, in...
    TurnerBoy94 TurnerBoy94 18-21, M 3 hrs ago

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    One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Well since I was ran over I am extremely scared of driving and being in parking lots. I am constantly looking around and my heart begins to race if I see a car pulling out. I will...
    DeIuxedEdition DeIuxedEdition 18-21, F 3 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    I have never had the time or funds to have one, I've gotten a few minutes to get a massage and it was wonderful, but there's something about just getting the full treatment and...
    Azureal Azureal 26-30, M 7 hrs ago

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    "I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!" . That's what someone told me not too long ago. If you're thinking the same, you may want to think that over very carefully, because when that...
    GraceIsMine GraceIsMine 66-70, F 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    When I was about 12, I was told by the doctor I would have to have my sinuses washed out. I'd been bothered by sinusitis, but was very reluctant to have the operation. I think if...
    macmann macmann 56-60, M 12 hrs ago

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    Almost three weeks ago I had a break down and I stood at the top of my window thinking about jumping but I didn't think it was high enough for me to die. So I turned and looked for...
    juana132 juana132 18-21, F 17 hrs ago

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    It's a little over a month shy of a year and I finely show him some of my crazy.Before coming into town this go around, he warned me that his first three days would be busy due to...
    RhombusInTheSquare RhombusInTheSquare 36-40, F 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    The day is getting away from me and it's getting worse the further away from me it gets. Days like today make me appreciate the good ones, but that still leaves me in the present...
    SunshineMel SunshineMel 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    u people.dont get it for **** can u guys wake up u ante ******* anyone so get ur *** up and go **** urself if suiside is a joke for u we guess wat **** all yall this ante no damn...
    love071902 love071902 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    I triggered to daydream when my pointer finger met my thumb. I was thinking but when these finger get in touch, I started a daydream and it couldn't stop when I got caught in an...
    iChange iChange 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Some days I miss her more then I should. I don't even want to go to the gym today! Which is really bad cuz I'm there like 4-5 days a week for at least and hr. Why does she have...
    missingmag missingmag 41-45, M 2 days ago

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    How God Created the Computer In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero; nothing. On the first day, He toggled the 0 to 1, and the Universe was. (In those days...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I tell jokes and tend to have a lot of fun but these times of good humor and fun are often followed by lows and self doubt. I feel insecure and lonely even when surrounded by...
    Tox1979 Tox1979 36-40, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    So today was going great until my dad got home and I had to come home for some god awfully reason about my car. That we now have to go get it fixed bc this stupid mykey showed up...
    maebugg maebugg 18-21, F 3 days ago

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    People always give me hell for laughing at fat jokes. They say fat people who laugh at fat jokes laugh to hide the fact that they're self-conscious. That's not always true. I laugh...
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning. Also apparently...
    IBelongToAlison IBelongToAlison 41-45, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    That's me! I day dream and I love it when I can really sit quietly and concentrate on my thoughts I have. I have been day dreaming all my life. People cannot tell when I am doing...
    Babeondwy Babeondwy 41-45, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Obviously the ones who casted Leto as the joker don't. I'm sure there are many talented actors who can be a convincing Joker Leto?? WTF. And I thought casting Affleck as Batman was...
    FrostyElsie FrostyElsie 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 6 Responses 6 days ago

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    Santa is a Woman I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Boy: wanna here a joke about my penis?..never mind,it's too long ;) Girl: wanna hear a joke about my vagina?..doesnt matter,you'll never get it.
    Rachel282 Rachel282 18-21, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    Hey ... me again next rule ... we all have "Blonde" jokes ... Irish jokes ... jokes of different "shades ?" 😨 FEK , I'm going to offend someone soon ... hey can we...
    shaggynz shaggynz 41-45, M 1 Response a week ago

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    Up front my dad is a great guy. He would do anything for us kids, anything for just about anyone, very supportive. He never misses a sporting event and would feel guilty if he did...
    tigertail123 tigertail123 18-21, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    Fat FeetYo Mamma's so far, a friend showed her a picture of her feet.She didn't recognize them.Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2015/07/22/
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 23

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    I work 40+ hours, half day followed by overnight shift, all that in 3 days. So I sleep daytime. Then have 4 days off. That's when I sleep nights. I like my job so I can't complain...
    berntoblack berntoblack 46-50, F Jul 22

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