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I Have A Joke Of The Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 9 People

    The Doctor's Day Off

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    My friend thinks he is smart.

    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 4 Responses Feb 6

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    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats

    and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two...
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 28

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    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the

    Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F Feb 11

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    I'm Going To Get In Trouble Over This One . . . But . . .

    I'm going to get in trouble over this one . . . Then again . . .
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

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    The Electric Fence

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared. We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke,

    but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
    littlecarmel littlecarmel 26-30, F 2 days ago

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    My Cute Neighbour ...

    She's single...She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door ... I rushed to open it. She looks...
    smartlove007 smartlove007 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 16, 2012

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    Good One !

    I just tried to upload a picture of my Cat that I had written a story about. Since I had to delete my account before, I have not posted any pics and forgot that they needed to be re-sized and made smaller While I was trying I see in small letters underneath (no nudity...
    VoteForPedro VoteForPedro 51-55, F 4 Responses Mar 11, 2011

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    A Woman's Week At The Gym

    This humour – which I found in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Aug 22, 2012

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    Forget What I Just Said.

    This is the story of a poor ditzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day "May Day!  May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.  Help...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M Dec 4, 2012

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    Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal

    This humour – which I found it in a link from one of my E.P. friends’ Facebook page – is too crude to not be shared.  Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his...
    UnderEli UnderEli 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 22, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    I am daydreaming my life away. And I feel sad as I watch my life pass me by. I seclude and isolate myself most times so that I can exist in my head. I don't have any friends. I...
    Significant Significant 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 17

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    Do any of you succeed in reducing the amount and intensity of daydreams? If so please share because I've had enough of it. Today i googled 'constant daydreaming' and found out...
    Tomster111 Tomster111 26-30, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I'm just gonna be over here ranting about the past two days which have been ****. Friday: woke up at 6 am for school. Came home slept for a few hours then worked a double shift...
    LivviyLove LivviyLove 16-17, F 5 days ago

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    Although I have not been diagnosed with anything as of yet, I would assume I have this condition after doing literally days of research. Around the age of six, my mind ran off to...
    LewisWilliams LewisWilliams 16-17, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Don't let one bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.
    cat20079 cat20079 36-40, M 2 Responses Feb 2

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    Today was just a really good day, and I had to look for a group to say so. :)
    omgwut omgwut 41-45, M Feb 7

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    I can't figure out what I want with my life because when I start thinking a bit what I want, I get sucked into an elaborate daydream. I don't even know when I started, probably...
    Oneirophobic Oneirophobic 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Today was just an all in all bad day, from the moment I woke up to getting ready to go to bed. Mistake after mistake. Couldn't wait for it be over. Sometimes you just need a kiss...
    Nottheaveragegirl Nottheaveragegirl 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I had a terrible day, but I'd rather hear about yours. (good or bad)
    Zombree Zombree 26-30, F Jan 28

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    Today is a bad day. I've been thinking a lot today and I cried. I always get lost in my thoughts and it makes me emotional. I thought about the people who care about me, the people...
    CeBeY1 CeBeY1 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 9

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    Someone please tell me that today will end and it tomorrow will be better!!!! Lol!!! I love having bad days it makes me appreciate the good ones more!!
    sunshinegirl76 sunshinegirl76 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 10

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    because of the Holiday. It's been a lazy day :) I'm loving it.
    C0untrySweetie C0untrySweetie 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 16

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    Just had breakfast and coffee and listening to some indie music and reading... have a good day! :)
    Provinceana Provinceana 18-21, F Feb 16

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    Today is one of those days where you would even question the existence of god...
    gautamgk gautamgk 18-21, M 6 days ago

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    We were basically coming from the cinema after a really nice film, when I spoke and asked about dad...mum was saying really horrible things like he stalked her, he once made a hole...
    melissad98 melissad98 16-17, F Feb 16

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    This is an aspect of myself that I constantly wish that it would go away. I have always kept my maladaptive experiences a secret out of embarrassment. What do you guys think...
    Deedle81 Deedle81 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    This song cheers me up Oh she may be weary And young girls they do get weary Wearing that same old shaggy dress yea yea But when she gets weary Try a little tenderness yea oh nana...
    Allforaview Allforaview 18-21, F a week ago

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    Macrogenitosomia or Clitoromegaly.. I probably constructed one of my most well thought out vents to date and through the anomalies of the EP spirits it simply vanished on this...
    AbbyVents AbbyVents 22-25, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    Holding your fields alongside one another and harvesting as several crops as you possibly can typically provides building resources. Same with harvesting chicken or cows. Retain...
    Ethan3088hnz9 Ethan3088hnz9 31-35, M 1 Response Feb 9

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    What a gorgeous day!! 9am...-28. ..I closed the door on the dirty laundry and dishes...on the floors that needed to be swept and on the usual breakfast mess... I hurded 4 kids...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 7 Responses Feb 7

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    It was 2013 and I was 26 years old when I was diagnosed. I am now 28. It started out with numbness in my extremities and went to cordination difficulties and weakness ending up in...
    JennaMB86 JennaMB86 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 29

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    i have been daydreaming like this for as long as i can remember so i cant really say if it stems from a trauma or some sort of repressed memory but when it happens the dreams are...
    cose cose 16-17, M 1 Response Jan 27

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    Don't know how to control myself. I feel like I'm on drugs being so up and elated to all of a sudden this major come down. I can't have bad days without getting negative comments...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 29

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    My girl makes me feel like I'm (1. the only guy in the world. (2. happier than I've ever been in my entire life. (3. complete. (4. alive. I have 18 days until I meet her for the...
    ScrewYouSociety ScrewYouSociety 16-17, M 2 Responses Jan 31

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    I have changed I believe. I use to be very shy, scared all the time, afraid of everything, apologetic for everything, not very lively, and always sad. Now I lock away my feelings...
    wedgieshurtalot wedgieshurtalot 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 7

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    It feels so good to have 3 days off of work... Definitely a heavy weight off my shoulder. I can now just breathe and relax. I can stay up as late as I want, watch as much Lost as I...
    nmcaleanu nmcaleanu 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 11

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    When you feel like you have lost your way, or have forgotten the direction you are going, take the time to think about what your intentions were behind your initial plan before...
    Anonymouscoast Anonymouscoast 22-25 1 Response Feb 13

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    dx 2003 disability retirement 2009. wife left 2013 alone, and wish I would just die, ******* ms is Aweful.... I'd rather have cancer, go thru hell, with the chance to beat it or...
    jr5646 jr5646 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    On my second pair of earphones in about just over a month which lasted only a few days. It breaks super quick in one ear. One ear is much quieter and it disrupts me sleep. I am...
    1lonelydaisy 1lonelydaisy 41-45 4 hrs ago

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    A 17 year-old Antartican boy was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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    I'm going to Los Angeles again soon, probably after about 1 week. But this time I will be staying there longer than 2 or 3 days, I'm thinking a week or two, but that depends on...
    AnnRowland AnnRowland 18-21, F 1 hr ago

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    We both took a day off work just to wander around the city, eat, drink, see a film, feed the ducks, and just be in each other's company. It was a good day. We fed the ducks and the...
    GlassBrainedDog GlassBrainedDog 36-40 3 Responses Jan 31

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    I find it more and more difficult to deal with everyday life. The pain keeps me up, My legs feel as though someone is stabbing them, My back aches so terrilbe, lost feeling in my...
    Alli6372 Alli6372 31-35, F 2 hrs ago

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    I wonder when did the meaning of friendship change. Several years ago, the word "friend"seems to have a relevantly deeper meaning than it has today. These days, people use the word...
    icecoldzt icecoldzt 26-30 1 hr ago

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    GAS BILL This is a joke! You will like this! ... And it is a true story! On Thursday, 24th January 2002 , Derek Guille broadcast this story on his afternoon program on ABC radio...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses Feb 1