I Have a Mental Illness Forum & Chat Board | ... so confused, so uncomfortable, so lost.

Undoubtedly I have issues with depression. On and off to varying degrees. Since the age of 9, I am now 16, progressively it has worsened. Become more frequent, deeper, and longer.

But with the progression in depression the in between time has gotten progressively better, further and further up in mood. All in the matter of a year, I have gone from mild depression with normal in between times to severe depression with excited and the discomfort it causes, perpetual discomfort, seems impossible to explain. (but of course I will give it a try) In the down times its rather typical depression. Total loss of energy, no pleasure in anything, body aches (no one ever seems to talk about this, does anyone else physically hurt like alot when depressed?), morbid thoughts, the whole nine yards. Then there is the excited times. They vary from basically the feeling of a great day and a couple energy drinks, to energy coursing through my body so rapidly I feel like I'm going to explode. There is seemingly no external stimuli for either moods, there is seemingly no pattern, and there is seemingly no relief.

Also during the height of both the ups and downs I experience what I can only describe as psychosis... I hesitate to use this term, as well... I dont fully understand. In the depressed time (it happened only once) I saw in my mind, while simultaneously seeing the real world, sort of superimposed on each other blurring the lines between reality and my mind, a black cloud that  wanted to consume my mind

[I posted a story elsewhere, but got no response so I am trying my luck here. So you can read that if you want more in depth explanations]

The up times have varied immensely in the "psychosis." It has been voices, delusions, just plain loss of all brain functionality in which I cant speak a coherent sentence and cant think a whole thought. All only lasting for a short period of time, half hour to three hours, but recurring almost everyday. Even right now, I guess a mid level up period, I have been feeling bugs all over my skin that seem to grow in number as my mood heightens. Uhm that's all for now, I am kinda having trouble writing this at the moment... so uhh YEAH. 

Oh I should probably mention I have no familial history of mental illness of any sort and live with a function family in a trauma less life. 

 

I know exactly what you're going through.  I've been dealing with seeing and hearing things since I was 13.  As well as the fact I was diagnosed with bipolar at 13.  It's hard to talk to someone about this because I don't want to be called crazy.  And even though I know it's all fake...it sure seems real to me.  If you ever need to talk, you are welcome to add me as a friend or talk.  I will do my best to help you out.  Good luck, Dear friend.

 

me to i had schizophrenia for years then the meds started back firing so they took me off the withdrawl was baaaaadddddd they say theyre is no withdrawl yeah my *** theyre aint but anyways the took the schizo off my charts iam bipolar 1 if things get bad enough you will have auditories ive had only a few visuals they usually occur on waking up are before sleep right before also i see peopple in my head not like through my vision field but just as if you are imagining something in youre mind theyll get stuck theyre for a while i really dont know whats with me i dont have any feelings any moore i dont cry to depressed i just like to be alone by myself the computer is my life now nothing seems to help you can name any type of mood stabalizer antiphycotic u name it ive took it but i can tell you from when i had schizophrenia you cant tell if what youre hearing is fake its difrent than what ur describing thats how they found out i wasnt a schizo they will say this is real nomatter how weird things are if ur having problems phycosis and u say the phrase i know this isnt real but i belive it is its still phycosis just not schizophrenia i have to have a phych evaluation done soon again btwy cuz i had to have an emercgency mri they thought the pill had fried my brain i was having preceptual problems for instants kinda like dellusions but difrent for instants a dellusion iam dating avril lavigne u couldnt tell them they werent theyd still belive it till it goes away perceptual problem you think youre walking through deminsions as u walk towards some one things seem slow time races by u know theyre is something wrong and youll go get help well anyways ill catch u guys latter iam light headed and feel like **** peace

 

It has been proven that meditition is quickly becoming a well known way to battle mental illness, period. Its a way to reclaim your brain, and settle your brain chemicals. Mental Ilness is a brain imbalance of chemicals, bi polar is abnormal amounts of serotonin, and then reverse of amounts of the other 2 chemicals (norepinephrine, among other chemicals). I recommend you try meditation tapes, good luck

 

Interesting feeling, isn't it? Complex, confusing, frustrating, painful, all in the same breath. Two things that stuck me the most was your attention to the physical (whatever it is that's happening with me as of late hurts physically as much as it does mentally, if not more at times) and the psychological. I know what you mean about throwing the term "psychosis" around. It's a hard thing to put a finger on exactly what you're feeling. It's like I know I'm having an emotional problem, but at the same time I feel completely helpless and utterly insane. I shouldn't feel this way, I'm better than that. It's like I'm too proud to be depressed, and I'm too "normal" to be having these delusions, to be hearing things, or think I'm hearing things. I don't know the more I talk about it the more wacko I sound I'm sure.

Same as you, no family history, sure there has been some triggers to this all in life but I don't understand the why or the how of it all, thus making this whole "depression" all the more frustrating. I guess I'm just posting on here as some sort of a cry for help, or just a hope that someone will read it and reassure me that I'm not the only person feeling like a complete freak-show. Gotta love the human brain...

Cheers, be well.

 

Being close in age, I can relate to what you're going through.  I'm 20, about to turn 21.  Recently I decided to get some help with haunting memories and I went to a psychiatrist.  Right now, I'm taking a 5mg dosage of Abilify.

The memories stem from my partying days, when everything started to get distorted and I thought it was just my way of entering adulthood.  I actually still to this day become fearful that me and a handful of people are telepathic, as I sometimes hear them talking directly to me, or explaining what is happening.  I can't explain it and I highly doubt it's telepathy, but it's what my mind is going to believe at the moment.

But as far as actually relating to what you're going through, I feel the depression too.  I was once active, going to the gym and playing sports.  My back seems to hurt much worse when my mood is low, and when I get my spurts of energy, I never seem to know what to do with it all.  Video games and house work are the main activities of late.

To throw "psychosis" around isn't something I do, but I feel I can say that I experience some of one with psychosis might experience.  I haven't talked much to my doctor about what is happening, but I do know that I want to and I believe that "it is always darkest before the light" is the best way of my outlook on my life.  Hopefully we can get through this rough patch and work on getting back to what we'd call "normal."

If you ever need to talk, I'd love to.  I've never talked to anyone else about this until today, this is my first post.  I'm here if you need me or just want to bounce ideas back and forth.  Hang in there, man.

 

the b complex vitamins as many as one per waking hours for at least four days straight will help a great deal but you have many others issues too.