I Have a Mother Who Is Passive Aggressive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 175 People

    Passive aggressive...

    ....yes my mother is one of these. How hard is it at times? I have no anger or resentment anymore as I decided to do something about it. Councilling has helped me big time to overcome the resentment I have felt towards her. She use to drive me crazy!!! Low and behold I...
    Laughoutlouds Laughoutlouds
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Feb 21, 2014

    I'm 55 and a 22-year survivor of ovarian cancer.

    I'm also a 55-year survivor of a passive-aggressive mother. My mom had a pretty tough childhood, and I am sad to know the awful things that happened to her. But it's also sad to realize that she will never get the help she needs to be able to communicate as an adult, nor...
    Katsez01 Katsez01
    56-60, F
    1 Response Aug 28, 2014

    2nd Post..

    I last wrote a post a year ago, right before I was due to move into an apartment with one of my friends. Things were at breaking point with my mother who would constantly ridicule and argue with me, telling me how little I cared about our family and my younger brothers. One year...
    Leafylea Leafylea
    Dec 12, 2012

    Is There Any Hope?

    I grew up thinking everything was my fault, and believing that I was the reason my mother was so unhappy. After all, I was consistently called “spoiled”, ungrateful and selfish because as a child (and like every child) I required care. I’m not speaking of special care, I...
    greenbean11 greenbean11
    31-35, F
    4 Responses Dec 14, 2011

    Holy Crap O_o

    My mother will do ANYTHING to prove her point and make sure we all know she's pissed at us. And if we're in public, or there's people around us, and she can't just yell whatever she feels like, she'll be such a passive aggressive biotch -.- Danget mother, WE GOT YOUR POINT! NO...
    peanlo peanlo
    22-25, F
    4 Responses Apr 26, 2011

    It's taken me and my sister a very long time to

    realise that our mother is passive aggressive. We always thought our mother was selfish and wanted the world to revolve around her. This was true but we never realised why. I can't even begin to explain her behaviour, it has confused and frustrated us our whole lives. I could...
    Cupcakes95 Cupcakes95
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Jul 31, 2014

    Mommy Dearest

    I'm the eldest child of 4 to a passive aggressive, emotionally unstable woman. I'm 33 years old and left my house as soon as I turned 18 and never went back. We've gone through periods where we don't talk, 99% of the time she's not talking to me because I said something she didn...
    scorpqueen scorpqueen
    31-35, F
    2 Responses May 14, 2012

    At 19 years old, I am only

    now realizing that my mother is extremely passive aggressive. I have always felt oppressed by her and her emotional ups and downs, but am just now discovering that this is an actual form of abuse. I never know what mood she will be in when I come home. I try to stay away a lot...
    hopeful1995 hopeful1995
    4 Responses Sep 11, 2014

    It's taken 30 years but I finally am able to

    pinpoint a major cause of tension between my my mother and myself. I always thought other mothers behaved similarly, so I dismissed a lot of the behavior and assumed it was the way adults act when they are stressed out parents. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks - she was...
    oldestdtr oldestdtr
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Jan 18, 2015

    I am 58 years old and have a passive aggressive

    mother. My sister in law classified this behavior and I have just started to research. I just came back from a visit with mom and am trying to "decompress" from my last experience. Basically, she has "pitted" me against all of the important people in my life, most recently...
    marlenesdaughter marlenesdaughter
    61-65, F
    1 Response Dec 20, 2014

    My mother has been passive aggressive my whole

    life yet I just realized it in my early 40's. My father died 3 years ago and that's when her PA really escalated. The first 6 months after his passing we were all grieving together and got along. Then slowly she started getting her digs in with hidden comments. It slowly...
    alleb1990 alleb1990
    2 Responses Oct 5, 2014

    I have been reading a lot of these posts about

    passive aggressive mothers and I am shocked to see that I am not alone. I cannot speak to my friends about my experience because they don't understand. They have good relationships with their mothers. I am now catching on to the tactics that my mother uses against my sisters and...
    karineka karineka
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Sep 8, 2014

    My Pa Mother In Point-form

    -She never apologizes, whether she's done something as simple as stepped on my foot or said something damning that she can't take back, it doesn't matter. When she does apologize (and I'm sure I could count these moments on one hand) she apologizes with conditions: "I'm sorry...
    jetsgirl17 jetsgirl17
    4 Responses Feb 2, 2012

    Just Venting

    My mother is the type of woman that needs to be in control and needed. Even when we were young we had to keep up appearances as if we were the perfect family and at the core...she is the perfect mother. Especially when if comes to her mother. We get along great as long as I...
    Frustratedbeyondbelief72 Frustratedbeyondbelief72
    2 Responses Aug 17, 2013

    It took me decades to figure out

    that my mother (and my younger brother for that matter) is extremely passive-aggressive. I simply had no way of knowing when I was younger. By the time I was 12 I was in the dark, but slowly afterward after that age I began to realize that there was something seriously wrong...
    57Canuck 57Canuck
    3 Responses Feb 23, 2014

    My first post about my passive aggressive

    mother, an explanation: EP Link I've been doing some research on passive aggressiveness and found that it's an actual personality disorder - or at least it used to be (in my book it still is!) - most likely stemming from childhood. My mother's parents were indifferent to her...
    Cupcakes95 Cupcakes95
    41-45, F
    Aug 28, 2014

    My mother's always been the same way,

    but I'm not enabling that kind of behavior anymore so anytime she says anything in the form of passive aggressive bs** I call her on it by asking what she means by that, the response is usually a dumbfounded look. People who are constantly passive aggressive tend to lessen that...
    misternobrain misternobrain
    26-30, M
    2 Responses Jul 31, 2014

    I woke up this morning,

    and walked outside to see my mother and older brother working outside. My mother looks over at me, smiles and tells me "Good morning. We've just been bitching about you." She then proceeds to talk about how I'm such an attention seeker for being cheerful at work. I walked out. I...
    LittleClouds LittleClouds
    22-25, F
    Dec 9, 2014

    The Passive Aggressiveness Continues... With Intensity!!

    Hey! Sorry it took me so long to write this but I had a baby in August and have been VERY busy. SO extremely irritating that mine will act like a nut, spew venom about other people, she is always a victim, and she can be judge and jury on everyone else ESPECIALLY my husbands...
    Irishgirl31 Irishgirl31
    31-35, F
    Nov 1, 2012

    My Mother Is Passive Aggressive And My Sister Fans The Flames

    I am trying not to be annoyed, but the more I think about it the more it bugs me....and makes me want to tell my sister to stop talking to my dd.(16).    My sister and I are not close....as a matter of fact, from my perspective, I do civil just because I have to.  I don't...
    tlstimson tlstimson
    3 Responses Apr 25, 2011

    She expects me to read her mind

    when it comes to her wants and needs. If she wants or needs something, and I am busy with something else, she becomes very sarcastic and martyr-like (eg: "I thought you'd want to spend time with me now because...") instead of simply saying: "Hey, honey, I'd like to spend some...
    RTPerry RTPerry
    51-55, F
    3 Responses Sep 11, 2014

    This Is The Last Straw With My Parents

    Any energy or intellect my mother ever had has been completely devoted to her lifetime of getting what she wants by appearing to be a victim. And for a good bit of her life she has cleverly set the stage to make it look like she is MY victim. Every time she comes to visit me or...
    Icannotdothisanymore Icannotdothisanymore
    4 Responses Sep 14, 2011

    I'm Sick Of Being My Mother's Scapegoat!

    Recently I had a councilor friend, help me understand abit about what's happening with me and my mother.  The whole situation has had me tied up in tangles and knotts for too many years!  I'm the second born of four children.  My mum had us all quite close together.  I grew...
    saliskia39 saliskia39
    1 Response Sep 26, 2011

    The Best Feeling Is Realizing It's Not You

    I for years have dealt with feelings of guilt, questioning my decisions and so forth. It wasn't until recently that I figured things out when my Mother called me just to call me a name then told me to have a nice day. It was/is a subtle way to control and break someone down and...
    DeeDee327 DeeDee327
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Jun 7, 2012

    Hi, all. I don't have a PA mother

    but I DO HAVE a PA Father. Wow! The devil IS a liar. Reading these posts gives me a sense of relief that I'm not overreacting, but simply reacting normally to an abnormal amount of excessive emotional abuse. My mom died years ago when I was 22. But my father has always been...
    RWilson77 RWilson77
    1 Response Dec 29, 2014

    The Hatred Is Building...

    For as long as I can remember my mom has been like this but I just assumed everyone's mom acted that way! It wasn't until I moved away to University last year then came back for the summer, I realized her behavior wasn't normal. Now I admit, my PA diagnosis is a 'self-discovered...
    ponylee ponylee
    8 Responses Jul 29, 2010

    My Mom Is Passive Agressive

    I love her to death, but when sometimes I try to bring up conflicts and arguments mean things she says , she denies and says i am spreading lies and that i am wrecking her marriage, so i dont know where to go, she finds fault with little things with my boyfriend, like his hair...
    MariaEleanor MariaEleanor
    22-25, F
    1 Response Nov 6, 2012


     OMG, I'm so glad I found this group. I've been feeling like nobody in the world can understand how crazy my mother makes me with her passive aggressiveness.   Once again, she has sabotaged a special day and then refused to take responsibility. I finally wrote her a letter...
    ExperienceKitty ExperienceKitty
    56-60, F
    4 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Been sat here reeling

    after my last 'contact' with my mother three days ago. We hadn't spoken for two months after our last argument (which resulted in me screaming at her after her usual digs and comments while I was trying my best to be 'normal', failed big time at that). So three days ago the...
    powderkeg powderkeg
    36-40, F
    1 Response Dec 14, 2014

    So...this feels so strange to say,

    but I am 29 and am starting to realize that maybe in the weird, enmeshed relationship that my mom and I have that I am not the only one to blame. That doesn't make sense, I know. To fill in a tad of back story, parents divorced when I was 18, I am a drug-addict (opiates...
    Ziggyspaz Ziggyspaz
    31-35, F
    Jul 21, 2015

    Hi everyone; I have posted a couple responses

    here, I am very familiar with PA Mothers now. I decided to share my story and see if anyone can relate to mine. For a brief background; I am female, the second eldest of six brothers. My oldest brother was born out of wedlock to my mother (who is Catholic). She met my father...
    XXwoundedXX XXwoundedXX
    51-55, F
    1 Response Sep 14, 2014

    I am trying to heal the emotional scars by

    being raised by a narcissistic passive aggressive mother. She used emotional blackmail any time I stood up to her and also used other family members to straighten me out. She claimed she was always right and saint like and I was being bad and disrespectful by critizing her. I...
    cathy213 cathy213
    61-65, F
    6 Responses Jan 1, 2014

    Try This Craziness On.....

    My mother was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that would lead to severe disability and early death. My entire childhood was spent taking care of her and cleaning/cooking. She was in constant pain, could barely walk, and was always exhausted (from pain, headaches, etc. etc...
    superp5 superp5
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Sep 5, 2011

    Finally Figured It Out!

    At 41, I finally figured out that I have a passive aggressive mother. She is the kind who lies and is insulted and shocked when confronted and hurt that I would dare question her honesty. She hates my wife and kids and of course denies it. We live states apart and in 18 years has...
    Paiwaqet Paiwaqet
    1 Response Feb 19, 2013

    My Mother Is So Aloof And Hostile

    I always dread visiting my mother because I am never sure how she will be.  Will she be chatty or say three words?  Not want to do anything or do everything.  Get annoyed when I ask her something about what she is doing or tell me a little just to shut me up.  All my life my...
    Lemmaloo Lemmaloo
    46-50, F
    3 Responses May 1, 2012

    I Feel Better Knowing That I'M Not Alone In This:

    My biggest fear in life is becoming like my mother. My mother verbally and physically abused me and my brothers when we were younger. If you were to ever mention any kind of abuse or even strict parenting to her now, she would of course deny it. The thing that blows me away...
    laweeze85 laweeze85
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Mar 19, 2013

    I did.But she has died.

    I miss her every day.So I don't any more(have a passive aggressive mama)I wish we (all people)could make peace NOW,give love NOW,show we care NOW,Let the guards down andthrow away all our idioticpetty BULL SH*T.Life is way way too short.You will blink and that person will no...
    Lunadelobos Lunadelobos
    Mar 18, 2016

    This is the way I have come to view my mother

    at this point. Until recently, I thought it was just bad events in her life that caused my mother to be angry and gloomy everyday. People have bad things happen to them, and its effects them which is completely understandable. But that's not her problem, its her passive...
    SamiSquare SamiSquare
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 18, 2014
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