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I Have a Mother Who Is Passive Aggressive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 129 People

    It took me decades to figure out

    that my mother (and my younger brother for that matter) is extremely passive-aggressive. I simply had no way of knowing when I was younger. By the time I was 12 I was in the dark, but slowly afterward after that age I began to realize that there was something seriously wrong...
    57Canuck 57Canuck 56-60 4 Responses Feb 23

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    I am trying to heal the emotional scars by

    being raised by a narcissistic passive aggressive mother. She used emotional blackmail any time I stood up to her and also used other family members to straighten me out. She claimed she was always right and saint like and I was being bad and disrespectful by critizing her. I...
    cathy213 cathy213 56-60, F 6 Responses Jan 1

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    Crazymaking

     OMG, I'm so glad I found this group. I've been feeling like nobody in the world can understand how crazy my mother makes me with her passive aggressiveness.   Once again, she has sabotaged a special day and then refused to take responsibility. I finally wrote her a letter...
    ExperienceKitty ExperienceKitty 56-60, F 4 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    I'm 55 and a 22-year survivor of ovarian cancer.

    I'm also a 55-year survivor of a passive-aggressive mother. My mom had a pretty tough childhood, and I am sad to know the awful things that happened to her. But it's also sad to realize that she will never get the help she needs to be able to communicate as an adult, nor...
    Katsez01 Katsez01 51-55, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    My Mother Is Passive Aggressive And My Sister Fans The Flames

    I am trying not to be annoyed, but the more I think about it the more it bugs me....and makes me want to tell my sister to stop talking to my dd.(16).    My sister and I are not close....as a matter of fact, from my perspective, I do civil just because I have to.  I don't...
    tlstimson tlstimson 46-50 3 Responses Apr 25, 2011

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    It's taken me and my sister a very long time to

    realise that our mother is passive aggressive. We always thought our mother was selfish and wanted the world to revolve around her. This was true but we never realised why. I can't even begin to explain her behaviour, it has confused and frustrated us our whole lives. I could...
    Cupcakes95 Cupcakes95 36-40, F 1 Response Jul 31

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    My Mother Is So Aloof And Hostile

    I always dread visiting my mother because I am never sure how she will be.  Will she be chatty or say three words?  Not want to do anything or do everything.  Get annoyed when I ask her something about what she is doing or tell me a little just to shut me up.  All my life my...
    Lemmaloo Lemmaloo 46-50, F 3 Responses May 1, 2012

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    The Hatred Is Building...

    For as long as I can remember my mom has been like this but I just assumed everyone's mom acted that way! It wasn't until I moved away to University last year then came back for the summer, I realized her behavior wasn't normal. Now I admit, my PA diagnosis is a 'self-discovered...
    ponylee ponylee 18-21 8 Responses Jul 29, 2010

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    Mommy Dearest

    I'm the eldest child of 4 to a passive aggressive, emotionally unstable woman. I'm 33 years old and left my house as soon as I turned 18 and never went back. We've gone through periods where we don't talk, 99% of the time she's not talking to me because I said something she didn...
    scorpqueen scorpqueen 31-35, F 2 Responses May 14, 2012

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    This is the way I have come to view my mother

    at this point. Until recently, I thought it was just bad events in her life that caused my mother to be angry and gloomy everyday. People have bad things happen to them, and its effects them which is completely understandable. But that's not her problem, its her passive...
    SamiSquare SamiSquare 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 18

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    Somethings Not Right With My Mother..

    I'm 22, I live with my mother who is 41 and two brothers who are 18 and 3, the youngest who is by a different father. For as long. Over the last 3 years my mum has started to become emotionally unstable. She can't ask me or my brother to do angrily without screaming at the top of...
    Leafylea Leafylea 22-25 2 Responses Jun 22, 2011

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    I Feel Better Knowing That I'M Not Alone In This:

    My biggest fear in life is becoming like my mother. My mother verbally and physically abused me and my brothers when we were younger. If you were to ever mention any kind of abuse or even strict parenting to her now, she would of course deny it. The thing that blows me away...
    laweeze85 laweeze85 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    The Passive Aggressiveness Continues... With Intensity!!

    Hey! Sorry it took me so long to write this but I had a baby in August and have been VERY busy. SO extremely irritating that mine will act like a nut, spew venom about other people, she is always a victim, and she can be judge and jury on everyone else ESPECIALLY my husbands...
    Irishgirl31 Irishgirl31 31-35, F Nov 1, 2012

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    Passive aggressive...

    ....yes my mother is one of these. How hard is it at times? I have no anger or resentment anymore as I decided to do something about it. Councilling has helped me big time to overcome the resentment I have felt towards her. She use to drive me crazy!!! Low and behold I...
    Laughoutlouds Laughoutlouds 36-40, F 2 Responses Feb 21

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    Im Just Venting

    i'm sitting in the house with this *****, and all the feelings ive had building up for 20 years just resurfaced.  she is super judgemental of me and always has been. its like she is jealous. my father is an alcoholic and she has always accepted the role of the victim. they are...
    mnd77 mnd77 31-35 1 Response Jan 26, 2011

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    I'm Too Old To Put Up With It!

    All my life, I can't think of a single moment where I ever felt any real love for my mother. I was very close to my father before he died (I was only 10) and she always treated me bitterly when he wasn't around. She would always buy me stuff and bribe me to go places with her by...
    mothertrouble mothertrouble 31-35 2 Responses Dec 1, 2011

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    My mother's always been the same way,

    but I'm not enabling that kind of behavior anymore so anytime she says anything in the form of passive aggressive bs** I call her on it by asking what she means by that, the response is usually a dumbfounded look. People who are constantly passive aggressive tend to lessen that...
    misternobrain misternobrain 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31

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    This Is The Last Straw With My Parents

    Any energy or intellect my mother ever had has been completely devoted to her lifetime of getting what she wants by appearing to be a victim. And for a good bit of her life she has cleverly set the stage to make it look like she is MY victim. Every time she comes to visit me or...
    Icannotdothisanymore Icannotdothisanymore 56-60 4 Responses Sep 14, 2011

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    2nd Post..

    I last wrote a post a year ago, right before I was due to move into an apartment with one of my friends. Things were at breaking point with my mother who would constantly ridicule and argue with me, telling me how little I cared about our family and my younger brothers. One year...
    Leafylea Leafylea 22-25 Dec 12, 2012

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    Holy Crap O_o

    My mother will do ANYTHING to prove her point and make sure we all know she's pissed at us. And if we're in public, or there's people around us, and she can't just yell whatever she feels like, she'll be such a passive aggressive biotch -.- Danget mother, WE GOT YOUR POINT! NO...
    peanlo peanlo 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 26, 2011

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    Try This Craziness On.....

    My mother was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that would lead to severe disability and early death. My entire childhood was spent taking care of her and cleaning/cooking. She was in constant pain, could barely walk, and was always exhausted (from pain, headaches, etc. etc...
    superp5 superp5 36-40, F 2 Responses Sep 5, 2011

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    My Mom Is Passive Agressive

    I love her to death, but when sometimes I try to bring up conflicts and arguments mean things she says , she denies and says i am spreading lies and that i am wrecking her marriage, so i dont know where to go, she finds fault with little things with my boyfriend, like his hair...
    MariaEleanor MariaEleanor 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2012

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    My Pa Mother In Point-form

    -She never apologizes, whether she's done something as simple as stepped on my foot or said something damning that she can't take back, it doesn't matter. When she does apologize (and I'm sure I could count these moments on one hand) she apologizes with conditions: "I'm sorry...
    jetsgirl17 jetsgirl17 26-30 4 Responses Feb 2, 2012

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    My first post about my passive aggressive

    mother, an explanation: EP Link I've been doing some research on passive aggressiveness and found that it's an actual personality disorder - or at least it used to be (in my book it still is!) - most likely stemming from childhood. My mother's parents were indifferent to her...
    Cupcakes95 Cupcakes95 36-40, F 2 days ago

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    Is There Any Hope?

    I grew up thinking everything was my fault, and believing that I was the reason my mother was so unhappy. After all, I was consistently called “spoiled”, ungrateful and selfish because as a child (and like every child) I required care. I’m not speaking of special care, I...
    greenbean11 greenbean11 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 14, 2011

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    I'm Sick Of Being My Mother's Scapegoat!

    Recently I had a councilor friend, help me understand abit about what's happening with me and my mother.  The whole situation has had me tied up in tangles and knotts for too many years!  I'm the second born of four children.  My mum had us all quite close together.  I grew...
    saliskia39 saliskia39 36-40 1 Response Sep 26, 2011

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    The Best Feeling Is Realizing It's Not You

    I for years have dealt with feelings of guilt, questioning my decisions and so forth. It wasn't until recently that I figured things out when my Mother called me just to call me a name then told me to have a nice day. It was/is a subtle way to control and break someone down and...
    DeeDee327 DeeDee327 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 7, 2012

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    Just Venting

    My mother is the type of woman that needs to be in control and needed. Even when we were young we had to keep up appearances as if we were the perfect family and at the core...she is the perfect mother. Especially when if comes to her mother. We get along great as long as I...
    Frustratedbeyondbelief72 Frustratedbeyondbelief72 41-45 2 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Finally Figured It Out!

    At 41, I finally figured out that I have a passive aggressive mother. She is the kind who lies and is insulted and shocked when confronted and hurt that I would dare question her honesty. She hates my wife and kids and of course denies it. We live states apart and in 18 years has...
    Paiwaqet Paiwaqet 41-45 1 Response Feb 19, 2013

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    My Mom, My Husband, And Mother-inlaw All Passive Aggressive....

    I grew up with a passive aggressive mom, I am now grown and married and have long distance realship with my mother which actually helps with relating to her. I  married a great man I love him like crazy. I am over passive person kind of a doormat. I am an easy target for passive...
    amberbradley amberbradley 26-30 Feb 20, 2011

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    Related Experiences

    Living with a passive aggressive girlfriend How do I cope with a passive aggressive girl that holds grudges for over 1 week!!! Help me please I do so much and she doesn't do not...
    mikeykhat mikeykhat 36-40, M Aug 3

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    I have come to terms with it. Yes, I'm passive-aggressive. How do I deal with my behavior? A part of me doesn't want to change the way I am, a part of me knows it's toxic. My...
    metaphornographic metaphornographic 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 1

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    How do you get through ta friend after they have taken revenge . Getting them to understand your side of the situation . Thanks if anyone has dealt with this successfully .
    Copingage Copingage 56-60, F Aug 16

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    Imagine waking up one day and not having somebody to call mommy, nobody to tell you they love you , nobody to give you a welcome back from school , no one to hold you and hug you...
    Juiceyangel333 Juiceyangel333 22-25, F 4 Responses Aug 2

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    I am 24 years old. My mother passed away when I was 17. My family and I have never truly gotten along. I am like the black sheep of the family. (Literally) My entire family is...
    prayingforeternity prayingforeternity 22-25, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Material things never mattered to me because I'm not materialistic . I don't believe money makes you happy . All these things don't matter to me . Small things have always been...
    Juiceyangel333 Juiceyangel333 22-25, F Aug 6

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    I don't like coming home anymore because you are not there to welcome me when I get back from a long day at college. It's all just silly . They have been feeding us crap , not...
    Juiceyangel333 Juiceyangel333 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 7

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    I have recently moved and I am attending a new school. I made two great friends who I trust very much.but as soon as summer came they started ignoring me.they don't answer any of...
    reg212 reg212 13-15, F 3 Responses Aug 12

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    Growing up, I was surrounded by a steady group of friends that loved each other and loved me for who I was. I never felt excluded or judged, or that I had to act as someone I wasn...
    snowflake11114 snowflake11114 22-25, F Aug 15

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    I had this same experience twice. J already wrote about one of them, when I was 17, but I also had this experience when I was 14. My twin sister was always out at her friends...
    Carlsoncarly Carlsoncarly 18-21, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Mike is his name. I participated in a 1/2 iron man this past weekend. For those of you who do not know what that is, here is the scripted version. Is a race consistent of three...
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    The most frustrating thing ever is trying to explain or express what you're going through to someone whose never been through it, they always seem to belittle the situation or make...
    Dauntlesssmile Dauntlesssmile 18-21, F 14 hrs ago

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    One of my closest friends is actually like this. And also a little bit bipolar too. That just means I can't spell this person out anymore.
    szchwakovpf szchwakovpf 18-21, M Aug 3

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    Had. Dont want to anymore. My dad. Legal mastermind in his mind. But did break mine. So he gets some credit. For placing his flaws on me. And making me think i...
    Livyn4pals Livyn4pals 46-50, M Aug 3

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    Muhhamad Ali inspires me. my dad died (don't be sorry bcuz your not) at a young age so i had no one to really look up to except gang members ( I live in a bad area) i don't wanna...
    Mihkowakayios Mihkowakayios 13-15, M Aug 2

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    It is what it is..........................................unfortunately
    sisi19 sisi19 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 5

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    I was 17, and my twin sister was at a volleyball camp. Normally my parents are ok leaving me with my twin sister and my at the time 12 and 8 year old sister, but without her, they...
    Carlsoncarly Carlsoncarly 18-21, M 2 Responses Aug 21

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    We were really close a while back but now it seems like we're just drifting away. Well. It seems like I'm drifting away from them. I hate being alone so knowing this makes me...
    musicislifeandlove musicislifeandlove 13-15, F Aug 23

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    There is little random about these thoughts. Yesterday, I posted my first 'experience' in this topic. Soon, someone began a passive-aggressive campaign to bully me into revealing...
    BlueTortoise BlueTortoise 61-65, F 3 Responses Aug 15

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    I’d be interested in seeing some behaviours listed here about common experiences and behaviours in bullet point form, as I think it’s empowering for us to see how we all pretty...
    BoundariesSet BoundariesSet 46-50 4 Responses Aug 15

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