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I Have a Mother Who Is Passive Aggressive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 152 People

    My Mother Is Passive Aggressive And My Sister Fans The Flames

    I am trying not to be annoyed, but the more I think about it the more it bugs me....and makes me want to tell my sister to stop talking to my dd.(16).    My sister and I are not close....as a matter of fact, from my perspective, I do civil just because I have to.  I don't...
    tlstimson tlstimson 46-50 3 Responses Apr 25, 2011

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    This Is The Last Straw With My Parents

    Any energy or intellect my mother ever had has been completely devoted to her lifetime of getting what she wants by appearing to be a victim. And for a good bit of her life she has cleverly set the stage to make it look like she is MY victim. Every time she comes to visit me or...
    Icannotdothisanymore Icannotdothisanymore 56-60 4 Responses Sep 14, 2011

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    The Hatred Is Building...

    For as long as I can remember my mom has been like this but I just assumed everyone's mom acted that way! It wasn't until I moved away to University last year then came back for the summer, I realized her behavior wasn't normal. Now I admit, my PA diagnosis is a 'self-discovered...
    ponylee ponylee 18-21 8 Responses Jul 29, 2010

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    Is There Any Hope?

    I grew up thinking everything was my fault, and believing that I was the reason my mother was so unhappy. After all, I was consistently called “spoiled”, ungrateful and selfish because as a child (and like every child) I required care. I’m not speaking of special care, I...
    greenbean11 greenbean11 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 14, 2011

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    It's taken me and my sister a very long time to

    realise that our mother is passive aggressive. We always thought our mother was selfish and wanted the world to revolve around her. This was true but we never realised why. I can't even begin to explain her behaviour, it has confused and frustrated us our whole lives. I could...
    Cupcakes95 Cupcakes95 36-40, F 2 Responses Jul 31, 2014

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    My Mom, My Husband, And Mother-inlaw All Passive Aggressive....

    I grew up with a passive aggressive mom, I am now grown and married and have long distance realship with my mother which actually helps with relating to her. I  married a great man I love him like crazy. I am over passive person kind of a doormat. I am an easy target for passive...
    amberbradley amberbradley 26-30 Feb 20, 2011

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    I'm Sick Of Being My Mother's Scapegoat!

    Recently I had a councilor friend, help me understand abit about what's happening with me and my mother.  The whole situation has had me tied up in tangles and knotts for too many years!  I'm the second born of four children.  My mum had us all quite close together.  I grew...
    saliskia39 saliskia39 36-40 1 Response Sep 26, 2011

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    My mother has been passive aggressive my whole

    life yet I just realized it in my early 40's. My father died 3 years ago and that's when her PA really escalated. The first 6 months after his passing we were all grieving together and got along. Then slowly she started getting her digs in with hidden comments. It slowly...
    alleb1990 alleb1990 41-45 1 Response Oct 5, 2014

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    My Mother Is So Aloof And Hostile

    I always dread visiting my mother because I am never sure how she will be.  Will she be chatty or say three words?  Not want to do anything or do everything.  Get annoyed when I ask her something about what she is doing or tell me a little just to shut me up.  All my life my...
    Lemmaloo Lemmaloo 46-50, F 3 Responses May 1, 2012

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    She expects me to read her mind

    when it comes to her wants and needs. If she wants or needs something, and I am busy with something else, she becomes very sarcastic and martyr-like (eg: "I thought you'd want to spend time with me now because...") instead of simply saying: "Hey, honey, I'd like to spend some...
    RTPerry RTPerry 46-50, F 2 Responses Sep 11, 2014

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    The Best Feeling Is Realizing It's Not You

    I for years have dealt with feelings of guilt, questioning my decisions and so forth. It wasn't until recently that I figured things out when my Mother called me just to call me a name then told me to have a nice day. It was/is a subtle way to control and break someone down and...
    DeeDee327 DeeDee327 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 7, 2012

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    Been sat here reeling

    after my last 'contact' with my mother three days ago. We hadn't spoken for two months after our last argument (which resulted in me screaming at her after her usual digs and comments while I was trying my best to be 'normal', failed big time at that). So three days ago the...
    powderkeg powderkeg 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 14, 2014

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    I woke up this morning,

    and walked outside to see my mother and older brother working outside. My mother looks over at me, smiles and tells me "Good morning. We've just been bitching about you." She then proceeds to talk about how I'm such an attention seeker for being cheerful at work. I walked out. I...
    LittleClouds LittleClouds 18-21, F Dec 9, 2014

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    Try This Craziness On.....

    My mother was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that would lead to severe disability and early death. My entire childhood was spent taking care of her and cleaning/cooking. She was in constant pain, could barely walk, and was always exhausted (from pain, headaches, etc. etc...
    superp5 superp5 36-40, F 2 Responses Sep 5, 2011

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    My first post about my passive aggressive

    mother, an explanation: EP Link I've been doing some research on passive aggressiveness and found that it's an actual personality disorder - or at least it used to be (in my book it still is!) - most likely stemming from childhood. My mother's parents were indifferent to her...
    Cupcakes95 Cupcakes95 36-40, F Aug 28, 2014

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    It's taken 30 years but I finally am able to

    pinpoint a major cause of tension between my my mother and myself. I always thought other mothers behaved similarly, so I dismissed a lot of the behavior and assumed it was the way adults act when they are stressed out parents. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks - she was...
    oldestdtr oldestdtr 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 18

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    My Pa Mother In Point-form

    -She never apologizes, whether she's done something as simple as stepped on my foot or said something damning that she can't take back, it doesn't matter. When she does apologize (and I'm sure I could count these moments on one hand) she apologizes with conditions: "I'm sorry...
    jetsgirl17 jetsgirl17 26-30 4 Responses Feb 2, 2012

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    Hi everyone; I have posted a couple responses

    here, I am very familiar with PA Mothers now. I decided to share my story and see if anyone can relate to mine. For a brief background; I am female, the second eldest of six brothers. My oldest brother was born out of wedlock to my mother (who is Catholic). She met my father...
    XXwoundedXX XXwoundedXX 51-55, F 1 Response Sep 14, 2014

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    Just Venting

    My mother is the type of woman that needs to be in control and needed. Even when we were young we had to keep up appearances as if we were the perfect family and at the core...she is the perfect mother. Especially when if comes to her mother. We get along great as long as I...
    Frustratedbeyondbelief72 Frustratedbeyondbelief72 41-45 2 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    I'm Too Old To Put Up With It!

    All my life, I can't think of a single moment where I ever felt any real love for my mother. I was very close to my father before he died (I was only 10) and she always treated me bitterly when he wasn't around. She would always buy me stuff and bribe me to go places with her by...
    mothertrouble mothertrouble 31-35 2 Responses Dec 1, 2011

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    Hi, all. I don't have a PA mother

    but I DO HAVE a PA Father. Wow! The devil IS a liar. Reading these posts gives me a sense of relief that I'm not overreacting, but simply reacting normally to an abnormal amount of excessive emotional abuse. My mom died years ago when I was 22. But my father has always been...
    RWilson77 RWilson77 51-55 1 Response Dec 29, 2014

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    I am 58 years old and have a passive aggressive

    mother. My sister in law classified this behavior and I have just started to research. I just came back from a visit with mom and am trying to "decompress" from my last experience. Basically, she has "pitted" me against all of the important people in my life, most recently...
    marlenesdaughter marlenesdaughter 56-60, F Dec 20, 2014

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    I'm 55 and a 22-year survivor of ovarian cancer.

    I'm also a 55-year survivor of a passive-aggressive mother. My mom had a pretty tough childhood, and I am sad to know the awful things that happened to her. But it's also sad to realize that she will never get the help she needs to be able to communicate as an adult, nor...
    Katsez01 Katsez01 56-60, F 1 Response Aug 28, 2014

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    Somethings Not Right With My Mother..

    I'm 22, I live with my mother who is 41 and two brothers who are 18 and 3, the youngest who is by a different father. For as long. Over the last 3 years my mum has started to become emotionally unstable. She can't ask me or my brother to do angrily without screaming at the top of...
    Leafylea Leafylea 22-25 3 Responses Jun 22, 2011

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    Finally Figured It Out!

    At 41, I finally figured out that I have a passive aggressive mother. She is the kind who lies and is insulted and shocked when confronted and hurt that I would dare question her honesty. She hates my wife and kids and of course denies it. We live states apart and in 18 years has...
    Paiwaqet Paiwaqet 41-45 1 Response Feb 19, 2013

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    My mother's always been the same way,

    but I'm not enabling that kind of behavior anymore so anytime she says anything in the form of passive aggressive bs** I call her on it by asking what she means by that, the response is usually a dumbfounded look. People who are constantly passive aggressive tend to lessen that...
    misternobrain misternobrain 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31, 2014

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    Passive aggressive...

    ....yes my mother is one of these. How hard is it at times? I have no anger or resentment anymore as I decided to do something about it. Councilling has helped me big time to overcome the resentment I have felt towards her. She use to drive me crazy!!! Low and behold I...
    Laughoutlouds Laughoutlouds 36-40, F 2 Responses Feb 21, 2014

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    At 19 years old, I am only

    now realizing that my mother is extremely passive aggressive. I have always felt oppressed by her and her emotional ups and downs, but am just now discovering that this is an actual form of abuse. I never know what mood she will be in when I come home. I try to stay away a lot...
    hopeful1995 hopeful1995 18-21 3 Responses Sep 11, 2014

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    I Feel Better Knowing That I'M Not Alone In This:

    My biggest fear in life is becoming like my mother. My mother verbally and physically abused me and my brothers when we were younger. If you were to ever mention any kind of abuse or even strict parenting to her now, she would of course deny it. The thing that blows me away...
    laweeze85 laweeze85 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Holy Crap O_o

    My mother will do ANYTHING to prove her point and make sure we all know she's pissed at us. And if we're in public, or there's people around us, and she can't just yell whatever she feels like, she'll be such a passive aggressive biotch -.- Danget mother, WE GOT YOUR POINT! NO...
    peanlo peanlo 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 26, 2011

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    This is the way I have come to view my mother

    at this point. Until recently, I thought it was just bad events in her life that caused my mother to be angry and gloomy everyday. People have bad things happen to them, and its effects them which is completely understandable. But that's not her problem, its her passive...
    SamiSquare SamiSquare 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 18, 2014

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    Crazymaking

     OMG, I'm so glad I found this group. I've been feeling like nobody in the world can understand how crazy my mother makes me with her passive aggressiveness.   Once again, she has sabotaged a special day and then refused to take responsibility. I finally wrote her a letter...
    ExperienceKitty ExperienceKitty 56-60, F 4 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    I have been reading a lot of these posts about

    passive aggressive mothers and I am shocked to see that I am not alone. I cannot speak to my friends about my experience because they don't understand. They have good relationships with their mothers. I am now catching on to the tactics that my mother uses against my sisters and...
    karineka karineka 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 8, 2014

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    Mommy Dearest

    I'm the eldest child of 4 to a passive aggressive, emotionally unstable woman. I'm 33 years old and left my house as soon as I turned 18 and never went back. We've gone through periods where we don't talk, 99% of the time she's not talking to me because I said something she didn...
    scorpqueen scorpqueen 31-35, F 2 Responses May 14, 2012

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    It took me decades to figure out

    that my mother (and my younger brother for that matter) is extremely passive-aggressive. I simply had no way of knowing when I was younger. By the time I was 12 I was in the dark, but slowly afterward after that age I began to realize that there was something seriously wrong...
    57Canuck 57Canuck 56-60 3 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Im Just Venting

    i'm sitting in the house with this *****, and all the feelings ive had building up for 20 years just resurfaced.  she is super judgemental of me and always has been. its like she is jealous. my father is an alcoholic and she has always accepted the role of the victim. they are...
    mnd77 mnd77 31-35 1 Response Jan 26, 2011

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    The Passive Aggressiveness Continues... With Intensity!!

    Hey! Sorry it took me so long to write this but I had a baby in August and have been VERY busy. SO extremely irritating that mine will act like a nut, spew venom about other people, she is always a victim, and she can be judge and jury on everyone else ESPECIALLY my husbands...
    Irishgirl31 Irishgirl31 31-35, F Nov 1, 2012

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    I am trying to heal the emotional scars by

    being raised by a narcissistic passive aggressive mother. She used emotional blackmail any time I stood up to her and also used other family members to straighten me out. She claimed she was always right and saint like and I was being bad and disrespectful by critizing her. I...
    cathy213 cathy213 56-60, F 6 Responses Jan 1, 2014

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    2nd Post..

    I last wrote a post a year ago, right before I was due to move into an apartment with one of my friends. Things were at breaking point with my mother who would constantly ridicule and argue with me, telling me how little I cared about our family and my younger brothers. One year...
    Leafylea Leafylea 22-25 Dec 12, 2012

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    My Mom Is Passive Agressive

    I love her to death, but when sometimes I try to bring up conflicts and arguments mean things she says , she denies and says i am spreading lies and that i am wrecking her marriage, so i dont know where to go, she finds fault with little things with my boyfriend, like his hair...
    MariaEleanor MariaEleanor 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Married to an awful passive aggressive person right now. It sure does make you feel crazy! He's drove me past my limit and I cant take it anymore...seeking legal separation right...
    cyoung11 cyoung11 41-45, F Mar 16

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    I have lived with someone now for 8 years, I am not sure why i have stayed , well maybe that is not entirely true, at this point I stay because I have basically worked worked for...
    CJrand CJrand 46-50, F a week ago

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    My mother died on 11th November 2014. She had been acting crazy for 2 years and my family didn't understand it. I didn't understand it. She had some sort of brain damage but we...
    Semanic Semanic 22-25, M Mar 9

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    just the other day your daughters had played next to you on the couch and you jokingly teased us to stop . We had giggled in your presence mommy... Just the other day we had...
    Juiceyangel333 Juiceyangel333 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    Well..there's so much stuff in my mind that I want to say at once, but I suppose I've got to start somewhere. Compared to my peers, I suppose I could be called 'lucky' for having...
    ratsio ratsio 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 13

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