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I Have a Secret Eating Me Alive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 39 People

    I Can't Believe I'm Saying This

    I haven't told my therapist, my boyfriend or anyone else for 14 years...   I lost my virginity when I was 13 on a sorta/kinda dare. I am so ashamed of it. I hate myself for it. It has the ability to make me feel dirty still. I don't know when or how I'm going to tell my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 10 Responses Mar 8, 2008

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    A Few Actually..

    Probably silly to most, but they get to me.   Ive been eating recently. Not much of a secret but I havent told anyone, does that make sense? Im the girl who doesnt eat, or who purges. Not lately. And Im not proud of my weakness. I slept with Dan. Many times. And I will do...
    Tesse Tesse 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 8, 2008

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    Cementerygates' Secret

    To tell you the truth... I havent told this to anyone, but... this may have been said before... Butthe truth is that the person from my past, hates who I am now. And she will never like me now. She hates the changes that have so unwelcomely controled my every word and action...
    cementerygates cementerygates 16-18, F 1 Response Mar 8, 2008

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    I Am So Ashame

    I have this secret that I want to dress like punky brester and have my man *** me is that sick or what...LMAO 
    MiseducatedChik MiseducatedChik 26-30, F 2 Responses Mar 8, 2008

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    Related Experiences

    When I was younger I never ate. Not because I was scared to gain, but because when I was hungry I never felt like actually eating. The thought of it even made me nauseous at times...
    MiniMe57 MiniMe57 13-15, F Dec 6

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    I'm always in the dark; hidden from sight. No one will ever find out who the real me is.. no one. Yes, my gleefulness and mildly-optimistic character is just a facade. I have an...
    mercifulpennies mercifulpennies 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 22

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    Nov. 20, 2014 5:30pm I don't know what is wrong with me. I felt so happy when I got home. I felt so much love for mj and I was just on cloud nine. But I guess my flight reached...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F Dec 12

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    Idk, i guess i've always been this way...it simply got worse with time. I'm not anorexic, or bulimic or a binge eater or anything along those lines. I don't have issues with my...
    IAmOptimusPrime IAmOptimusPrime 22-25, F Nov 30

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    I've been eating a lot to gain because my clothes are loose but it's not working! I think I just want to gain weight to tell my eating disorder "You don't control me!"but i still...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 10

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    Day 4 not eating. where tf is my appetite. I licked a spoon with tomato soup on it earlier today and that's the closest I've gotten to food. My body rejects even the thought of...
    Minnowshi Minnowshi 18-21, F Nov 24

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    I want to stop eating again.
    reverofniht reverofniht 16-17, F Nov 24

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    Hi. A few weeks ago i started this 'diet'..which isn't a diet..it's my way to death...i know that. I have a really good breakfast everyday. My friends, my parents, my teachers...
    BeancaBiaa BeancaBiaa 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 26

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    And it was terrible. It developed over a period of years, years that I remember only perfectionism, anxiety, and self consciousness. I wanted to change myself. At age 10, I went...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Dec 3

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    Never eating a ******* thing again!
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F Dec 6

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    I last puked from my bulimia a week ago (I'm trying so hard to curb My eating disorder and not make it worse) And now My food still doesn't want to stay down. I never purged daily...
    Ginkofishin Ginkofishin 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 9

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    I was 220 pounds.... my mom has depression and my dad always works so of course all I ate was fast food it was easy on my mom but twist I took ballets from age 2-13 now I'm 17 my...
    hsch212 hsch212 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 9

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    Im falling back into my old ways i cant even eat dinner or anything else with out counting the calories or thinking how fat i am and hating my self for eating that i want to feel...
    desitor desitor 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 10

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    Im losing weight... But still feel like **** at the end of the day... Though I'm so hungry, I don't want to eat... I end up forcing myself to... But I really don't want to... I'm...
    MrCutBleedSmile MrCutBleedSmile 18-21, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I weighted myself today...the first role in months. I lost it. Guess who isn't eating tomorrow.?
    disasterland disasterland 18-21, F 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Hi. I'm fifteen, 5'2", and I don't know how much I weigh. I know that four months ago I was 150 pounds. I skip breakfast ad lunch and sometimes I only have my snack after school...
    Lbh1999 Lbh1999 13-15, F 4 days ago

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    its co,e to the point, that i have panic attacks before or after eating small meals or sometimes a drink
    itsjustlucy123 itsjustlucy123 13-15, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I battled anorexia for many years & was underweight. Now my body has been fighting back, going to the other extreme with compulsive binge eating. I just want to be a healthy weight...
    goodbyeoldme goodbyeoldme 26-30, F 7 hrs ago

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    I've been skipping meals and purging lately. Latest reason is my ex died and he would have wanted me to be thin. He loved my eating disorder. Feel like I owe it to him to have...
    stolenartistalways stolenartistalways 31-35, F 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    I haven't update any experience with this statement in a really long time. 5'3, 84lbs I think that explains it. I finally succeeded^^ my goal has been reached. But I'm scared...
    roseinsurvival roseinsurvival 13-15 2 Responses Nov 26

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    I love thanksgiving! It's my favorite holiday. It's the ultimate test of my self control. I am faced with lots of food and I don't eat it. I fast 2 days before thanksgiving dinner...
    laxprincess laxprincess 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 26

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    I am extremely depressed. I feel so bad. I just want to die or hurt myself really bad. No one likes to be around me. I'm a burden to my family. I feel like I have an anchor tied to...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 30

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    I am extremely depressed. I feel so bad. I just want to die or hurt myself really bad. No one likes to be around me. I'm a burden to my family. I feel like I have an anchor tied to...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 30

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    Seeing the posts on this page makes me so sad... :( I used to struggle with anorexia and bulimia daily, and sometimes I still fall into old mindsets. But this is NOT the way to be...
    CountryQueen623 CountryQueen623 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 2

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    I don't want to be bulimic anymore. But I do. But I don't. Uggg. It's messing up my health. I have a constant sore throat even though I haven't purged in two days and it only gets...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F Dec 2

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    My mum found out that I have starved myself...it was getting better for a bit, but she hid the bathroom scale! And now I can't see how much weight I've gained back since up was...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 5

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    I'm really struggling lately. I managed to go nearly a year with very few slip ups. I gained two stone and felt very happy. But over the past month or two I have relapsed. I feel...
    Tilly95 Tilly95 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 7

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    Feels like I'm going through purging withdrawals! I NEED to PURGE!!! Had a stressful day and I just NEED that feeling of discomfort when I binge because that's how I feel now. Then...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 9

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    I am new in my recovery it has been a whirlwind of change which of course overwhelms me. Ed relentlessly screams the most vile **** in my head! On top of it all I have lost a lot...
    lunacymoon lunacymoon 22-25, F 2 days ago

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    I have to get this under control before I see my family again. They will say something and I'm scared of their words. I just don't know what or how to get control
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    I'm hurt. I just realize i'm too fat. Si FAT. I want be Thin. Please help me or i do suicide. ?
    BeThinAndBeauty BeThinAndBeauty 13-15, F 2 Responses Nov 22

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    Over 300! Just on a whim I decided to hop up on the scale. The last time I checked I weighed 285, today I weight 300.2. That's 15 pounds in three months. Thanksgiving isn't even...
    FatGuy73 FatGuy73 26-30, M Nov 22

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    I'm really not meaning to starve myself. I don't feel overweight at 85 lbs. Actually I feel the opposite. Like I am too tiny. I feel like I don't take up space. But no food is...
    Minnowshi Minnowshi 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 23

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    When I don't eat, I feel so in control of myself. I can't eat, I'm too fat. if I eat, I'll get sick.
    brokenlovatic1999 brokenlovatic1999 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 24

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    I didn't eat for 3 days. I just can't and when I don't eat I feel better and happy.
    staystrongandlive staystrongandlive 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 25

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    when i refuse food i feel stronger and better like i can do something and i geuss its bad but idk
    gramafey gramafey 13-15, F Nov 25

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    Struggling with wanting to exercise 24/7 and eat as little as possible
    bambi456 bambi456 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 28

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    I wanna eat me some chips ice cream and pancakes probably chocolate chip cookies to
    fireworkgirl24 fireworkgirl24 13-15, F Nov 30

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    Feel really fat today but I'm gonna wear this dress even though I feel :/
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 30

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    I hate myself... In every single way... I used to eat 1 or 2 meals a day... But I think I'm ready to take it to the next level... Again.. Maybe when I'm thin I can feel better...
    MrCutBleedSmile MrCutBleedSmile 18-21, M 2 Responses Dec 5

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    I am not diagnoses by a doctor but I think it's pretty obvious when you compare yourself to ever girl you see and how many calories and carbs are in one small thing and when you by...
    DustyVee DustyVee 13-15, F Dec 6

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    I don't want to eat. So far I ate 1 mini cinnamon roll for breakfast. And a pack of peanuts for lunch. But I really don't want to fall into my habits again
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 7