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I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,109 People

    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 7 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 1 Response Oct 29, 2008

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    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F Jun 17, 2008

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    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 6, 2009

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    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 27, 2008

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    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F Apr 29, 2012

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    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M Aug 27, 2008

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    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59 51-55, M Jun 5, 2011

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    Definitely!

    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123 41-45, M Feb 26, 2011

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    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails 26-30, M Jan 25, 2009

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    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

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    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2012

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    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 20, 2010

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    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain 36-40, M 1 Response Oct 13, 2012

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    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

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    I just came to the disturbing conclusion

    that Willy Wonka is really just a ********* who owns a candy factory and he groomed Charlie... :o That's so wrong. -.-
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 4

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    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    For Example

    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2007

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    Meeting.

    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 26, 2009

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    I work for 5 men but one of them is my favorite.

    When I went to China, I bought T a red silk tie with yellow dragons on it.When he went to China, he said he had bought something for me. Hmmm…what could it be? He walked in with this leather box.Inside it were 2 large balls. Now why would my boss buy me Ben w??a b?lls I...
    akindheart akindheart 56-60, F 28 Responses Jul 16

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    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 3, 2008

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    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F Sep 25, 2010

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    I seemed to be at my funniest

    when I just blurt things out. People ask me a simple questions. Then I feel like my neurons in m brain misfire and some unusual, if not funny, escapes my lips before I have time to think about them. Anyone else have the same experience?
    Joei005 Joei005 46-50, M Apr 3

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    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

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    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 30, 2008

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    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

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    Twisted

    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    Do any of you (those with borderline) find you feel like you have to be in a relationship?? You're always on the prowl for one? For me I'm this way big time. If I sense a...
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    I got the humor down just not the intelligance
    Preteenwolf Preteenwolf 18-21, M 3 hrs ago

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    No Jarpad, you're not allowed to have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! he thinks he's a person!
    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic 36-40, F 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    If I had a healthy sense of self skepticism, I'd either be a rocket scientist... or a mediocre middle class worker... well... sh!t
    tallis0in0chains tallis0in0chains 31-35, F 9 hrs ago

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    If we didn't have a sense of humor we wouldn't be able to see the lighter side of things. Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction...
    theguywiththeredhair theguywiththeredhair 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I have my 3 sisters ( but they are trying to live their own lives one married and one about to be married, the third at graduate school) and a couple people I talk to online, and...
    animallover412 animallover412 31-35, F 2 days ago

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    When the doctor told my 96 year old mom that she has dimensia she turned to me and said, "don't worry dear, I'll get over it" and chuckled. At least she still has her sense of...
    tastyfrzz tastyfrzz 46-50 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Who doesn't have a favorite teacher? I haven't forgotten about him. He will always be an inspiration to me. He actually took the chance to know all of his students and he has a...
    JK7448 JK7448 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    How do you have relationships without inside jokes or funny moments or just messing around? I don't understand how that would work! If you watch people having conversations, you...
    awkwardaward awkwardaward 13-15, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I have a weird, twisted, and/or good sense of humor. If you watched happy tree friends on Netflix you'd know why.
    LFMB LFMB 13-15, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    she is an artist. that's how i met her. she is the coolest girl i have ever known. she had posted some of her art on her profile. her art is amazing, but weird, she likes weird...
    sludgefeast sludgefeast 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    with the way lige plays out, you need a good sense of humor. especially when you're the joke. I am clumsy, I am always falling. I am always hurting myself in odd ways. I think...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I have to because i must look at myself in the mirror every day
    thebustierthebetter thebustierthebetter 46-50, M 4 days ago

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    I've always gone for the funny guys. The guy that can make me laugh has my heart. Even my celebrity crushes reflect my type: tall and goofy. Being physically attracted to someone...
    justadreamxo justadreamxo 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    As an Aussie I can easily say. We all have the one mate who is as tactful as this guy. :D Three blokes were working on a high rise building project, Macca, Chook and Simmo. Chook...
    Thevy29 Thevy29 31-35, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    in that I have never read the headline "Psychic Wins The Powerball!"
    BJGiff BJGiff 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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