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I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,064 People

    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

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    Definitely!

    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123 41-45, M Feb 26, 2011

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    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

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    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 27, 2008

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    I seemed to be at my funniest

    when I just blurt things out. People ask me a simple questions. Then I feel like my neurons in m brain misfire and some unusual, if not funny, escapes my lips before I have time to think about them. Anyone else have the same experience?
    Joei005 Joei005 46-50, M Apr 3

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    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M Aug 27, 2008

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    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 6 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2012

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    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 20, 2010

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    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F Sep 25, 2010

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    I Have a Very Twisted Sense of Humor

     I try not to freak anyone out with it though. lol
    Gelfwings Gelfwings 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 28, 2008

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    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails 26-30, M Jan 25, 2009

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    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F Jun 17, 2008

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    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 6, 2009

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    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F Apr 29, 2012

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    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 1 Response Oct 29, 2008

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    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59 51-55, M Jun 5, 2011

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    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

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    Twisted

    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

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    I just came to the disturbing conclusion

    that Willy Wonka is really just a ********* who owns a candy factory and he groomed Charlie... :o That's so wrong. -.-
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 4

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    For Example

    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2007

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    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain 36-40, M 1 Response Oct 13, 2012

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    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 30, 2008

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    Meeting.

    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 26, 2009

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    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 3, 2008

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    Related Experiences

    Some love mine. Some get baffled. Some get disgusted.
    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M Apr 28

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    Oh my gosh someone commented this on one of my videos lol I've been laughing about it literally all day. It hit me right in my giggle d (Jenna marbles reference) I want to reply...
    TheBellaBubbles TheBellaBubbles 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 29

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     aren't most of us this way sometimes?
    SouthernBelle2 SouthernBelle2 41-45, F 3 Responses May 3

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    Life is way too serious as it is. If you don't have a sense of humor, it's going to be pretty miserable. That's one of the main things that attracts me to a woman, her sense of...
    Elisb Elisb 61-65, M 1 Response May 15

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    Not a lot of people have common sense nowadays . If you actually have common sense I admire that
    FlowerChildWithARockNRollSoul FlowerChildWithARockNRollSoul 18-21, F 14 Responses Apr 28

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    You either have a sense of humour or you don't! Us Brits are know for our great sense of humour........How about being slapped in the face with a wet fish British style? :)
    ItsOnlyAPaperMoon ItsOnlyAPaperMoon 46-50, F 5 Responses May 17

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    It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education, than to have education without common sense.
    Dolphin750 Dolphin750 46-50, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses May 8

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    common traits among synesthetes.... --more females than males --more likely to be lefties/ambidextrous --often confuse left and right --often have poor sense of direction --often...
    kinkystapler kinkystapler 18-21, F 1 Response May 3

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    Can someone give me some support? They're at it, again. It's past midnight right now and I heard some minutes ago that those ****** kids were laughing like puny fools and...
    somniatorlupus somniatorlupus 18-21, M 1 Response May 16

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    Narcissists have a toolbox that they use to manipulate people. Shaming, snooping, lying, rages, guilt trips and conspiracies that are carefully orchestrated (and often entirely...
    DevilinaSundress DevilinaSundress 31-35, F 4 Responses May 1

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    I only have sex on days starting with the letter T Tuesday Thursday Today Tomorrow Thursday Thaturday Thunday
    00dave 00dave 36-40, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    Just ask any of my friends. My sense of humor will go from really awful puns, to really dark humor, to really sassy, ghetto type humor, to dirty humor. It goes all over the place...
    username1897 username1897 13-15, M 2 Responses May 11

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    I suppose it's true, I'm not quite everyone's cup of tea. That's OK though. I'd rather be with those who understand me and can enjoy my humor rather than deal with those we are...
    JustUhhhThought JustUhhhThought 22-25, M 3 Responses May 10

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    I don´t get British humor sometimes, and most of the Spanish jokes I know don´t make much sense translated into English...I am a funny person in my native language but I can´t...
    Piratantierra Piratantierra 26-30, M 4 Responses May 2

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    I think without humor even the prettiest girls can't make a guy truly interested in you. Sure, they catch the guy's eyes first but eventually, they end up liking the girls with a...
    sofiahafirda sofiahafirda 16-17, F 2 Responses May 17

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    le bfs humor is one of my favorite things about him people who can find humor in almost any situation = people you should keep around
    imverylost imverylost 18-21, F 1 Response May 10

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