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I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,103 People

    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59 51-55, M Jun 5, 2011

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    Meeting.

    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 26, 2009

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    I seemed to be at my funniest

    when I just blurt things out. People ask me a simple questions. Then I feel like my neurons in m brain misfire and some unusual, if not funny, escapes my lips before I have time to think about them. Anyone else have the same experience?
    Joei005 Joei005 46-50, M Apr 3

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    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

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    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 1 Response Oct 29, 2008

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    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

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    Twisted

    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    For Example

    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2007

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    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain 36-40, M 1 Response Oct 13, 2012

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    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 7 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 3, 2008

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    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

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    Definitely!

    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123 41-45, M Feb 26, 2011

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    I just came to the disturbing conclusion

    that Willy Wonka is really just a ********* who owns a candy factory and he groomed Charlie... :o That's so wrong. -.-
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 4

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    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F Jun 17, 2008

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    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2012

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    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails 26-30, M Jan 25, 2009

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    I work for 5 men but one of them is my favorite.

    When I went to China, I bought T a red silk tie with yellow dragons on it.When he went to China, he said he had bought something for me. Hmmm…what could it be? He walked in with this leather box.Inside it were 2 large balls. Now why would my boss buy me Ben w??a b?lls I...
    akindheart akindheart 56-60, F 28 Responses Jul 16

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    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 30, 2008

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    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M Aug 27, 2008

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    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F Apr 29, 2012

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    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 27, 2008

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    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

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    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 20, 2010

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    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F Sep 25, 2010

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    I Have a Very Twisted Sense of Humor

     I try not to freak anyone out with it though. lol
    Gelfwings Gelfwings 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 28, 2008

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    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 6, 2009

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    Related Experiences

    I've had these issues for a long time. Now, unfortunately after having the same experience over and over and over again, I've come to understand. I tend to date the same man...
    boompowsplat boompowsplat 26-30, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    I enjoy how after I've posted that I have a boyfriend and am not searching for pics on here I no longer have messages asking for acceptance to be read. Is that what most people on...
    dipeelee dipeelee 18-21, F 3 hrs ago

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    My Multiple personalities are all animals, I think I should introduce myself first tho, Hi Im Silver, and I'm a fox, and yes, I'm a silver fox. I have a sister named Dash, she's...
    Silverdashfox Silverdashfox 18-21, F 4 hrs ago

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    I really enjoy watching beautiful women smoking...In a non-pervy OR creepy way. I just think they are so attractive, and have a sense of security & power - Very sexy! I was...
    Jfour001 Jfour001 31-35, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    You might look at my profile and think I'm a depressive with no humour. Yes, my posts are real and I suffer from depression, but it doesn't mean I'm incapable of sense of humour. I...
    usernameinneed usernameinneed 26-30, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    For a bloody good laught!
    berangere berangere 66-70, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm really sad because warped tour is in less than 12 hours and I can't go :'(
    YourOneAndOnlyReject YourOneAndOnlyReject 13-15, F 2 days ago

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    I'm gonna bend these words a bit. I have the great fortune of having a rather phenomenal group of friends on here....and one of the things I find some amazing is how we all seem...
    Extant1 Extant1 51-55, M 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    I just got back it was a lot of fun!! Of course Silverstein was the best band there B) but warped wasn't as good as last year sadly
    grem21 grem21 18-21, M 4 days ago

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    I used to think that finding the right one was about the man having a list of certain qualities. If he has them, we'd be compatible and happy. Sort of a checkmark system that was a...
    GirlieGirl07 GirlieGirl07 41-45, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    What's with people sense of humor now a days...I wonder. I got a message from an EP member yesterday, asking me from where I was (country) I responded to him that I was from...
    l1skub4n l1skub4n 26-30, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    U & Me forever this way www.nidhisuraj.com There are so many Love Stories in this world. Few stories become so famous but few are unsaid and been buried with time. Few...
    evan003 evan003 18-21, F 5 days ago

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    Definitely! I have some dear old friends that live across town from me. The Mr. of the couple is a well-read, witty, smart, intelligent, sharp, and one of the funniest people I...
    TW8NY TW8NY 41-45, M a week ago

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    I have a very weird sense of humour yet totally random, sometimes I get people thinking "WTF" and they end up laughing. I have no limits when it comes to my sense of humour, I find...
    WokenandOpen WokenandOpen 31-35, M a week ago

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    I am definitely a person who is not afraid to take risks. I will try almost anything at least once no matter how dangerous it might be. I have always lived on the edge and done...
    girlfullofenergy girlfullofenergy 13-15, F 1 Response a week ago

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    He's amazingly perfect and beautiful. When he talks to me, he makes me feel worth something. He has the best personality ever. He has the greatest sense of humor ever. And he's...
    imveryboring imveryboring 13-15, F Jul 19

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