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I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,052 People

    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

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    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain 36-40, M 1 Response Oct 13, 2012

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    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

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    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 1 Response Oct 29, 2008

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    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F Apr 29, 2012

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    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 6, 2009

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    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

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    I Have a Very Twisted Sense of Humor

     I try not to freak anyone out with it though. lol
    Gelfwings Gelfwings 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 28, 2008

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    Meeting.

    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 26, 2009

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    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 30, 2008

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    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 6 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    Definitely!

    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123 41-45, M Feb 26, 2011

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    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 3, 2008

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    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

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    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 27, 2008

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    I seemed to be at my funniest

    when I just blurt things out. People ask me a simple questions. Then I feel like my neurons in m brain misfire and some unusual, if not funny, escapes my lips before I have time to think about them. Anyone else have the same experience?
    Joei005 Joei005 46-50, M Apr 3

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    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2012

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    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F Jun 17, 2008

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    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 20, 2010

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    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails 26-30, M Jan 25, 2009

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    Twisted

    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    For Example

    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2007

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    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M Aug 27, 2008

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    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F Sep 25, 2010

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    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59 51-55, M Jun 5, 2011

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    When people tell me I'm going to hell, I find it incredibly offensive because it's not only an insult to my intelligence, but it shows that they're too stupid to know they're...
    ftmFreddy ftmFreddy 18-21, T 1 Response Apr 3

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    I ran out of funny today... I'm experiencing withdrawals and it's really getting rough! Can anybody help a brother out? I'm tweakin bad right now!
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    To cheer you up!
    berangere berangere 66-70, F 1 Response Mar 28

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    Texting Southern Style
    SouthernBelle2 SouthernBelle2 41-45, F 5 Responses Apr 14

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     This is how I sleep - the pug takes over everything!!
    SouthernBelle2 SouthernBelle2 41-45, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    "If it were not for certain people’s greed for wealth, the highways would be filled with cars powered by the sun, and no one would be starving. Such advances are technologically...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    I hope you like watching it , normally Germans may have strange sense of humor , but this women is weird funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okFWkvbRMkc&list...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    OMG !!! My life is so full of hilarious crap that I do. So after going to great lengths to get all done up pretty (I'm gender variable) and heading out for a meeting, I suddenly...
    JessicaDale JessicaDale 51-55 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    I broke my neck in a car wreck (seriously) so I HAVE to find humor in most situations or I'd be one miserable dude-
    gnaTuW gnaTuW 26-30, M 5 Responses Apr 2

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    Okay growing up in a Christian home. Reincarnation was not in my religion. But why did I remember choosing my family. For as long as I remember people have told me I have an old...
    Toasteroven333 Toasteroven333 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 13

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      Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,Relationships are what makes up society. We all live our lives and go about everything trying to be happy. It is hard to be happy in life and...
    TrustIsLife TrustIsLife 22-25, M 4 Responses Apr 9

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    Drains. Yep, drains. I'm ok when it comes to sink drains, bath drains etc. But drains in the street are a big no no. When I see a drain I always have the sense that I am going to...
    WhiskeyRoger369 WhiskeyRoger369 16-17, M 3 Responses Apr 11

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    I was once on a swing and yelled out loud "I haven't had this much fun since I escaped Auschwitz!"
    MLGnoscoper MLGnoscoper 18-21, M 2 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    I came up with this crazy thing. It's putting a guy's name that im NOT interesting in on contact number of a guy I DO like alike in order not to feel like I'm annoying him when we...
    vanessakay vanessakay 26-30, F 6 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I have a morbid, inappropriate sense of humor... anyone else?
    sincerelysl sincerelysl 13-15, F 3 Responses Mar 28

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    I truly feel that a good sense of humor is very important to everyone. I believe people are so uptight these days from work, family, and other situations. We all need to relax...
    maryannelamb maryannelamb 46-50, F 3 Responses Mar 31

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    Sometimes I laugh At the weirdest things. And something can be extremely funny to me and others would look at me like I'm crazy. I think people with different sense of humor are...
    cmt334 cmt334 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 16

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    I have a weird since of humor and different interest then others. but I'm single and looking for a woman with the same likes and sence of humor for a serious relationship
    spankyouhard spankyouhard 56-60, M Apr 8

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