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I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,051 People

    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain 36-40, M 1 Response Oct 13, 2012

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    Twisted

    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

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    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 3, 2008

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    I Have a Very Twisted Sense of Humor

     I try not to freak anyone out with it though. lol
    Gelfwings Gelfwings 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 28, 2008

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    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 6, 2009

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    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397 47, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

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    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    For Example

    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2007

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    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

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    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon 26-30, F 8 Responses Dec 20, 2010

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    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 27, 2008

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    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F Jun 17, 2008

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    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F Sep 25, 2010

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    Definitely!

    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123 41-45, M Feb 26, 2011

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    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59 51-55, M Jun 5, 2011

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    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

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    Meeting.

    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 26, 2009

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    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 30, 2008

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    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M Aug 27, 2008

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    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 6 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 1 Response Oct 29, 2008

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    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails 26-30, M Jan 25, 2009

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    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F Apr 29, 2012

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    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    I'm Human - Yes, I'm weird but at least I have a sense of humor. I do have a sense of humor, I just find it hypocritical that others can make fun of me but I can't make fun of...
    Monstermaster13 Monstermaster13 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    I am no one. I am empty and hallow inside. I need someone to tell me who I am. I want to have a purpose.
    littleweewee123 littleweewee123 41-45, M 3 days ago

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    I can be very loud and open once I get to know a person, but I come off as very shy
    Sadie0923 Sadie0923 13-15, F Jan 2

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    How do chemicals react? They just do.
    InnocentShattered InnocentShattered 18-21 Jan 18

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    It's very hard to offend me...sometimes...okay, depending on my mood. :0)
    badazzbasicbich badazzbasicbich 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 22

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    Like c'mon what's life without a little comedy? I'll tell you what it is..ok, It's a fucken joke, if laughter or happiness didn't exist, boy this place would be death! Everyone...
    brandonswayye brandonswayye 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Something to cheer you up and may be to touch your heart as well. http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CB0QtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F...
    berangere berangere 66-70, F 3 Responses Jan 1

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    Has anyone experienced smelling smoke when there is NO site of smoke smell not smoke around? My mom constantly says she smells smoke in the house. & she also said that she...
    theloveofmusic theloveofmusic 18-21, F Jan 6

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    Everything is a story till it passes right through you, and then it's real.
    kiddishguy kiddishguy 26-30, M Jan 9

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    I don't :P my worst fear is not being able to follow a GPS (which is a no-brainer...I think) and getting totally lost. xD
    ShakenButNotBroken ShakenButNotBroken 18-21, F Jan 17

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    If you can make me laugh, then you too must also have a weird sense humor.
    passivity passivity 18-21, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    Timeline part 4. And the story continues. Leave it to me to make the simplest things as complicated as any novel. After Caryn's death I continued to live and work as before. My...
    bcvegas4u2 bcvegas4u2 66-70, M Jan 21

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    I rock climb with him and he's so funny. We always are teasing one of the teachers (who is totally cool and teases us back). He is very similar to me, but not so much that we...
    Marvilles Marvilles 13-15, F 15 hrs ago

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    I do admire people who have common sense but I sooooooo enjoy people who are common sense stupid. they are so much fun to sit back and watch, annoying as hell to deal with but yet...
    sixtens sixtens 36-40, F 2 Responses Jan 7

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    You know. I couldn't care less if you are male,female,transgendered,gender positive,bi,poly,gay,straightCatholic,Protestant,Muslim,Taoist,Maoist,Sikh,Hindu,Buddhist,black,white...
    picklebobble picklebobble 46-50, M 2 Responses Jan 10

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    Have you ever wondered where our powers come from? I have a sort of "Spidey-Sense"= I can tell when and where danger is coming. I also have enhanced senses. I believe our powers...
    Jsmith61774 Jsmith61774 13-15 2 Responses Jan 10

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    I think people who don`t have common sense are hilarious. "Like dude!" People can be really stupid these days. It cracks me up every single time.
    BookWorm333 BookWorm333 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 10

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    I had this dream where I walk into a room and I see a little girl sitting down with her face buried into her knees. She has bruises and she's crying. I automatically have a sense...
    aquikay aquikay 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 12

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    What does a glance mean? It's amazing how heavily a pair of eyes can influence a thought process. The ride of emotions and possibilities, all very entertaining to ponder on. I know...
    s0undgarden s0undgarden 16-17, M 8 hrs ago

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    I admire common sense when talking and writing to others. Common sense goes a long way in my circle of friends and others. My kids were taught to have and use common sense when...
    middleagedfemalemom middleagedfemalemom 41-45, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    I believe a sense of humor can brighten your day, especially if you make a friend with the same sense of humor as you. Whether its a strange sense of humor or a normal one, :)
    Anth1290 Anth1290 22-25, M Jan 3

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    My friend informed me that I have a dry sense of humor. I never really thought of myself with a dry sense of humor, I always thought I was just good at saying witty things. Giving...
    Captainbicurious Captainbicurious 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 14

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    I enjoy having conversations with anyone who has a good sense of humor. It makes conversations flow and easy and hilarious :) cause I myself always try my best to have a good sense...
    Likeylalayys Likeylalayys 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 2