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I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,051 People

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    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2007

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    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 30, 2008

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    "Merry Christmas hoe's"?

    This is made by my nieces and daughters. At the end they wrote merry Christmas hoes. They're 18 so whatever. Made me laugh. http://youtu.be/Y7w_WiXhxFk
    Jennerrous Jennerrous 36-40, F 2 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

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    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 1 Response Oct 29, 2008

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    Meeting.

    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 26, 2009

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    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain 36-40, M 1 Response Oct 13, 2012

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    I Have a Very Twisted Sense of Humor

     I try not to freak anyone out with it though. lol
    Gelfwings Gelfwings 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 28, 2008

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    Definitely!

    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123 41-45, M Feb 26, 2011

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    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 6 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    Twisted

    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon 26-30, F 9 Responses Dec 20, 2010

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    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F Jun 17, 2008

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    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 3, 2008

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    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 6, 2009

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    http://www.experienceproject.

    com/stories/Just-Have-To-Say/4445569
    OddlyScintilating OddlyScintilating 46-50, M Jun 22

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    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 27, 2008

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    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F Sep 25, 2010

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    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397 47, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

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    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails 26-30, M Jan 25, 2009

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    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M Aug 27, 2008

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    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

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    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F Apr 29, 2012

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    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59 51-55, M Jun 5, 2011

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    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2012

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    Ask Those Who Know Me

     Well, anyone that has listened to me tell stories at least and know what makes me laugh.  I have a twisted send of humor.  I laugh at things that other may cringe from but that's me.  Sick, perverted sense of humor.  Laughing is a good thing.  ...
    dorobo dorobo 70+, M Oct 3, 2008

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    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

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    Related Experiences

    My type of humor ranges from childish, corny, sometimes sacriligious, sometimes politically incorrect *I keep those "sometimes" discreet otherwise I will be hunted by an angry mob...
    Alyeskaa Alyeskaa 26-30, F Dec 7

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    My husbands new car reads his text messages aloud......imagine how much fun I can have with that!!!
    Deedle623 Deedle623 51-55, F 3 Responses Dec 8

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    http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Random-Thoughts/1971495
    10Scorpio96 10Scorpio96 18-21 a week ago

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    I have a chemistry joke but I forgot how to react.
    10Scorpio96 10Scorpio96 18-21 1 Response 6 days ago

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    My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... It's called LUNCH!
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 2 Responses Dec 1

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    Found these from March this year. A man received message from his neighbor.. Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home...
    10Scorpio96 10Scorpio96 18-21 Dec 5

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    Whenever I wash my socks, an elf is free.
    10Scorpio96 10Scorpio96 18-21 1 Response Dec 8

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    I used to get; I like you You're cute I would so date you if you are here And I never know how to reply. . . . BUT now I do; I like me too! Along with trails of 435867 people on...
    10Scorpio96 10Scorpio96 18-21 2 Responses a week ago

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    Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a friendly, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him--his height. Or, should I say, his lack...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Thought I'd post a naked photo of myself. Lol
    RoseC67 RoseC67 46-50, F 10 Responses Nov 28

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    most people thinks if you have a pretty face , you dont have a sense humor. thats like so pathetic ..
    PinkLipstick00 PinkLipstick00 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 23

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    There are some awesome people in my circle. All have been through things and still have a sense of humor. I would love to have dinner and drinks with any of them. All have...
    SilverPagan SilverPagan 51-55, M 1 Response Nov 18

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    so my ex-BFF just totally destroyed me, just riipped me out of her life(besides the fact i see her every day at school) now i will refrain from cursing so i can post this but hes...
    DaveEatsToast DaveEatsToast 13-15, M 1 Response Dec 1

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    I met her for the fist time in 1998. I know a long time ago but that was when it started. We road the same bus to and from High school. She was the first lady to refuse my advances...
    Thanval Thanval 31-35, M Nov 23

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    And my alters have decided that they have found us the one. I'm just wondering if anyone else has alters like mine. Because of my alters all being me, and the fact that I have no...
    AbyssalSilence AbyssalSilence 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 24

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    If you're a skeptic, disbeliever, or just wave this off as silly, let's be nice and stop reading. Do you have an animal spirit? Are you a vampire? Have you been possessed? Are you...
    KizunaXIII KizunaXIII 18-21, F Dec 2

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    If you're a skeptic, disbeliever, or just wave this off as silly, let's be nice and stop reading. Do you have an animal spirit? Are you a vampire? Have you been possessed? Are you...
    KizunaXIII KizunaXIII 18-21, F Dec 2

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    If you're a skeptic, disbeliever, or just wave this off as silly, let's be nice and stop reading. Do you have an animal spirit? Are you a vampire? Have you been possessed? Are you...
    KizunaXIII KizunaXIII 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 2

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    Once someone knows me really well, it becomes easier for them to understand me... especially when I joke or when I don't even try lol, but most people find me humorous after...
    MsShortiie MsShortiie 18-21, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    Today my boss told me he wants another 30 years out of me and I have to work until I'm 76 years old! Wow and I thought I was the one with the weird sense of humor. In fact he's...
    666Charmed 666Charmed 46-50, F 4 Responses Dec 2

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    I have met a number of Ascended Masters during my lifetime, some like Rama, I just met in passing. But aside from Kuthumi, there are three that stand out: Hilarion, Babaji and...
    Orion33 Orion33 51-55, M Nov 28