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I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,050 People

    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

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    For Example

    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2007

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    I Have a Very Twisted Sense of Humor

     I try not to freak anyone out with it though. lol
    Gelfwings Gelfwings 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 28, 2008

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    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

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    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F Jun 17, 2008

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    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 20, 2010

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    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 6, 2009

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    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

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    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails 26-30, M Jan 25, 2009

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    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 1 Response Oct 29, 2008

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    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M Aug 27, 2008

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    Meeting.

    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 26, 2009

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    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2012

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    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F Apr 29, 2012

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    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain 36-40, M 1 Response Oct 13, 2012

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    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 3, 2008

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    Definitely!

    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123 41-45, M Feb 26, 2011

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    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 26-30, F Sep 25, 2010

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    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 27, 2008

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    Twisted

    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 30, 2008

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    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

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    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 6 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59 51-55, M Jun 5, 2011

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    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    If people think sarcasm is the lowest form of humor, then what's the highest?
    TheChi TheChi 16-17, F Mar 20

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    Like ******* Jews! They always have some sort of entitlement issue. Well **** you. That's what I think
    chair5 chair5 41-45, M a week ago

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    Have been accused of this. Am a dreamer. Or humane. And disabled. But know society aint healthy. And speak cures denied. Lol.
    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 6 days ago

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    I figured out how to make more money. Integrate it.
    YesIAmAsian YesIAmAsian 18-21 Mar 11

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    Tbh .. I don't want anything serious.. I'm not ready for the emotional part yet .. 😁
    bprice0600 bprice0600 18-21, F Mar 1

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    What would you do if your parents left you out of the will? Or the will was changed by his second wife and excluded you?
    tigerlo2 tigerlo2 61-65, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Something to raise your spirit!
    berangere berangere 66-70, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    This  is me looking at food..
    justsailing justsailing 41-45, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    To cheer you up!
    berangere berangere 66-70, F 20 hrs ago

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    Working at a clothing store is so stressful because it's a job that requires you to be outgoing. I had my second shift today and I'm already thinking about quitting because it...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 5

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    I could really use and appreciate some help, your experience and input. I'm studying BPD psychopathology and there is something that is so conflicting for me. I'm really struggling...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M 6 Responses Mar 13

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    Some guy blocked me for being British! The funny thing is he had "I am open minded " "I don't judge" and "I have a sense of humour " on his profile. Clearly not!!! People should be...
    Littlemissshy7 Littlemissshy7 41-45, F 67 Responses Mar 14

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    When I see 13, 14, or 15 year old girls acting like ***** I feel like punching them in the face. They're old enough to have more sense than that, and young enough to be gossiping...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I have a few rules to drinking. Always drink when im depressed, angry and happy!
    WickedlilAngel WickedlilAngel 31-35, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    I have some of the best friends in high school, but I have a better best friend. Who is also on EP, but we are always hanging out and cracking jokes, and I go to his house almost...
    Tak162015 Tak162015 16-17, M 6 hrs ago

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    Yes I do, For years I had no sense of humor. I really had to learn to laugh at myself, I was given no choice due to a very embarrassing incident! Now, many years later, I...
    birthdaywifey birthdaywifey 41-45, F 3 Responses Mar 10

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    Unfortunately for me my humor always comes out at the worst times -_- For instance my friend fell down a flight of stairs injuring her ankle right before a volleyball game a couple...
    WhoNeedsAUsername WhoNeedsAUsername 16-17, F 12 Responses Mar 1

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    Its sad not many can see the humorous side of it; I get too much judgement that I'm about used to it by now. Frankly, I don't care ;D My sense of humor is my weirdness, and I'd...
    AlexaValencia AlexaValencia 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    What more is there to say when your sense of humor of a touch above the sense of normality? Nothing. Just learn to sit back and enjoy what makes you laugh, and remember to give way...
    MynameisSei MynameisSei 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2

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