I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,185 People

    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone
    51-55, F
    5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal
    46-50, M
    1 Response Oct 29, 2008

    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain
    36-40, M
    1 Response Oct 13, 2012

    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal
    46-50, M
    5 Responses Aug 27, 2008


    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123
    41-45, M
    Feb 26, 2011


    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul
    22-25, F
    Jan 26, 2009

    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

    I'm not sure if its warped

    or only extremely flexible and active. and often inappropriate in both content and timing. I've learned not to share my thoughts and smile quietly to myself
    goodwitchofthenorth goodwitchofthenorth
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Jan 31, 2016

    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59
    51-55, M
    Jun 5, 2011

    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal
    46-50, M
    3 Responses Jun 30, 2008
    zuzi57 zuzi57
    51-55, F
    Apr 29, 2012

    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal
    46-50, M
    Aug 27, 2008


    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay
    22-25, M
    1 Response Dec 9, 2010

    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon
    26-30, F
    7 Responses Dec 20, 2010

    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66
    41-45, F
    1 Response Dec 9, 2010

    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Oct 3, 2008
    Sophiewargamer Sophiewargamer
    13-15, F
    3 Responses Feb 8, 2016

    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted
    May 6, 2009

    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

    I work for 5 men but one of them is my favorite.

    When I went to China, I bought T a red silk tie with yellow dragons on it.When he went to China, he said he had bought something for me. Hmmm…what could it be? He walked in with this leather box.Inside it were 2 large balls. Now why would my boss buy me Ben w??a b?lls I...
    akindheart akindheart
    61-65, F
    19 Responses Jul 16, 2015

    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit
    22-25, F
    Jun 17, 2008

    I just came to the disturbing conclusion

    that Willy Wonka is really just a ********* who owns a candy factory and he groomed Charlie... :o That's so wrong. -.-
    deleted deleted
    May 4, 2015

    For Example

    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone
    51-55, F
    1 Response Nov 6, 2007

    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody
    31-35, F
    Sep 25, 2010

    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone
    51-55, F
    7 Responses Nov 13, 2007

    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57
    51-55, F
    1 Response Apr 18, 2012

    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails
    26-30, M
    Jan 25, 2009

    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal
    46-50, M
    3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

    I seemed to be at my funniest

    when I just blurt things out. People ask me a simple questions. Then I feel like my neurons in m brain misfire and some unusual, if not funny, escapes my lips before I have time to think about them. Anyone else have the same experience?
    Joei005 Joei005
    51-55, M
    Apr 3, 2015
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