Post

I Have a Warped Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,031 People

    I Can Only Please One Person

    My  friends  tell  me  I have  a  strange  sense  of  Humor  when  I  am  in  a mood  I  put  a  sign  on  my  door  it  said  "  I  CAN ...
    rockybear397 rockybear397 47, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Not For The Faint Of Heart

    Little Johnny goes up to his mum holding himself and says "Mum mum mum, I have to pee!" Mother replies "Would you like me to take you to the bathroom?" Johnny replies "No thanks, can you send Grandma..her hand shakes".
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F Sep 25, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    For Example

    my daughter wanted a kitchen mat that was not ordinary so I got her a plain off-white mat and wrote in red Nothing says Loving like Blood Sacrifice.  Oddly enough her room-mates were afraid of her because of this.  I cannot imagine why.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Oh My God There Is An Axe In My Head

    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages English: Oh my god! There's an axe in my head. Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi. French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete...
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 6 Responses Nov 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Have a Very Twisted Sense of Humor

     I try not to freak anyone out with it though. lol
    Gelfwings Gelfwings 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 28, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's True...

    A while back a friend of mine... let's just call him... Dude. Dude, met a girl online. I suppose they really clicked (although I have no idea over what) and they got along (I wanted blow my brains out whenever I was around her) , she had a real job and was independant (her father...
    gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon 26-30, F 9 Responses Dec 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Maybe It's Funnier In a Different Venue

    Here's a story I posted in "I love catchy movie quotes" or some such bullshit group like that.  It apparently sucked over there.  However, I've added a dollop of cowbell, and sprinkled some warped on it.  If no one comments on it here I'm leaving forever...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 3, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Trust An Onion

    We have surrendered ourselves to the doctrines of dark gods of extraordinary images.The visions we behold, the philosophies we extract and the rewards we expect are nothing but eggplant living in a roadside men's room. Meet me at the local tavern and I shall ignite your...
    aspiderzdomain aspiderzdomain 36-40, M 1 Response Oct 13, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Laughter Is The Best Medicine!

    I am one of those people who laughs at funerals – well, not at the funeral per say, but during the funeral. Inappropriate laughing has plagued me my entire life – I seem to lack what my 83-year-old mother calls “decorum.”
    tbone66 tbone66 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Meeting.

    sitting through a four hour team meeting. my fav work friend and i sat around thinking of the best ways to kill ourselves. laughing hysterically. i love when my manager threatens me with the evil eye. too funny. i must say, we're quite crafty.
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 26, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Definitely!

    I laugh at everything. Unforetunately for me the more serious the occasion, the more prone to laughter I am. I have laughed loudly at two funerals so now I stay away from them whenever possible. I wouldn't trade my sense of humor for anything though. Better to laugh than cry any...
    bvb1123 bvb1123 41-45, M Feb 26, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Lone Non-paragrapher Rides Again!

      (In the interest of maximizing readership, the sharp, judiciously meted out tone of a well-tuned cowbell has been added to this story.  The story has not otherwise been altered.  Management apologizes for this inconvenience.)   “The Lone Non...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 30, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Twisted

    My sense of humour is based around sarcasm, one liners and laughing at inappropriate moments.
    Daveokay Daveokay 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Rubber Tuxedo

    , ill let you decide, but just so you know i can outrun the guys with the butterfly nets
    seadragon59 seadragon59 51-55, M Jun 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Come Fly With Me, Come Fly Let's Fly Away!! Left!

    While doing some very important hands-on research into the growing phenomenon of internet sites whose sole objective is the gratuitous or commercial exploitation of unclothed women, I stumbled onto a curious fact on a curious website: bats always turn left when exiting a cave...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M Aug 27, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ask Those Who Know Me

     Well, anyone that has listened to me tell stories at least and know what makes me laugh.  I have a twisted send of humor.  I laugh at things that other may cringe from but that's me.  Sick, perverted sense of humor.  Laughing is a good thing.  ...
    dorobo dorobo 70+, M Oct 3, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Dog That Digs Holes.

    When I was a child There was a neighbor who had an old german sheppard dog. Whwn ever you walked past his house, this lonely old dog would come running up to the fence with a toy in his mouth, be it a stick, or a tennis ball or something of that sort. I think he was really just...
    Skunktails Skunktails 26-30, M Jan 25, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Haiku For Today

    Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
    TwilyghtZone TwilyghtZone 51-55, F 5 Responses Nov 7, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Have a Very Weird Sense of Humour Xd

       I think my humour is a dark but it does vary. For example i will laugh at silly things like when people pull faces, are being stupid, say anything which could spark off a funny thought in my head. But then I laugh when i am mean and im always making evil plans and...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit 22-25, F Jun 17, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Love...

    A good laughter, but most of the time I love sarcasm. I am able to get it, answer to it, and throw a lot of sarcastic one liners. Some people look at me real weird for this. LOL Also black humour finds understanding in me just think it is funny. that is my kind a humour.
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    http://www.experienceproject.

    com/stories/Just-Have-To-Say/4445569
    Livyn4pals Livyn4pals 46-50, M Jun 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Nebraska! Land of Reckless Abandonment!

    Child abandonment appears to be a growth industry in Nebraska, and by golly I need a piece of the action!! With energy prices tumbling, I've teamed up with a major airline to offer flight arrangements and guided tours of Nebraska's hottest venues, including its...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 1 Response Oct 29, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Spontaniously Act

    Oh, I do have a warped sense of humor and love it. I love playing jokes on friends and rarely others. (mainly people that drink too much) It has gotten so bad it has become an addiction. I have a very creative mind and spontaniously come up with some off the wall ...
    freebird79 freebird79 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    He That Has and a Little Tiny Wit --

      Okay. WHAT is going on? Baricarus was soaring! I had my jester's costume all ready for the Coronation. Now this storm! "with hey, ho, the wind and the rain" -- Excuse me? Who said that? INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew, that was close...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 5 Responses Aug 27, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When "Fukitol" Is Just Not Cutting It.

      Have you ever had those days when you felt stifled, depressed, hemmed in by the world's ever-growing pressures and complexities? And were some of those days so stifling,  depressing, hemming…well, you know the rest… just so like that that not even a nice...
    mikalbobikal mikalbobikal 46-50, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel
    zuzi57 zuzi57 51-55, F Apr 29, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ah Yes, But Dali Was a Tulip.

    ...and, as I always tell my droppings, "it's a fine line between warped and bent."
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 6, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    It's amazing, how many perverts are on this site. They have a sense of entitlement when it comes to the well-meaning women, men, and in some disgusting cases, underage girls and...
    Boulier Boulier 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    y so srs? Don't be so serious all the time. I like to have a good laugh once in a while.
    xMikayla xMikayla 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Had heightened senses at one time in my life. All five senses. Lasted about two months. I did some research on this. Adrenalin/epinephrine is a naturally chemical that goes...
    Deeperthinker Deeperthinker 31-35, M 1 Response a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Stacy's Mom 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ​Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ​Bloodhound Gang-Altogether Ooky 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ​Bloodhound Gang Screwing You On The Beach At Night 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ​Bloodhound Gang - No Hard Feelings 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ​Bloodhound Gang - A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The ******** Is Crying 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The Bloodhound Gang - Magna *** Nada   
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ​BloodHound Gang Balls out 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ​Bloodhound gang - Farting with the walkman on 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ​The Bloodhound Gang - Three Point One Four 
    stillthedeadman stillthedeadman 70+ Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    To make it on this planet you have to have a sense of humor. You need to be able to laugh at yourself as well. Women demand it. I can honestly say I have laughed my way into women...
    smokethis smokethis 51-55, M Jul 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Just got a new job working security at a hospital. I trained Thursday night even though I work first shift, the guy that trained me said the people that work in the hospital during...
    PierceTheOvercastKid PierceTheOvercastKid 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    This is such a rarity anymore. All the same..I find it totally attractive. In a time where ppl have all of these smart devices they have allowed themselves to "dumb" down. I love...
    innocentlyshy101 innocentlyshy101 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I know no one is perfect but not everyone should have kids. Doctors and laws should get into parents' IQ, whether they have common sense or not, habits, and salary. Gosh! If one...
    destinii3 destinii3 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    At one in my point in my life I did. At another I couldnt go a single night with out some sort of substance to enhance my night. I loved how with a few sips changed everything...
    AxiosThanatos AxiosThanatos 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I have a worst father in the world. He is such a loser. In spite of so much of knowledge , he couldn't do anything in his career. He himself don't value his parents and deserted...
    TrueLoverN TrueLoverN 26-30, F Aug 11

    Your Response

    Cancel
    If you have a good sense of humor you automatically make it to the top of my cool list! I almost would rather a guy have a good sense of humor than be super good looking!
    tsg96 tsg96 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I'm don't think i have what you call a weird sense of humor I think it's called a dry sense of humor lol
    radicalkiah radicalkiah 13-15, F 1 Response Aug 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    It doesn't matter what is on the outside. Humor is one of the few things to shine light on darkness. A sense of humor comes from the inside, where things really matter.
    NightWalker6676 NightWalker6676 13-15, F 6 Responses Aug 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I like talking to others with the same sense of humor. Sparking off one another with the oddest comments but still making some kind of twisted sense. I don't judge books or people...
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel