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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 117,866 People

    So I was at my friends house

    and it was raining, so I poured a little fuel on the ground and lit it on fire. Next to it I put a sign that said "Adele was here" ...if you're not laughing somethin must be up cause that's funny haha
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 22-25, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    I have a callous on my toe the size of Mt.

    Rushmore complete with presidential faces.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 5 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    I remember when I went outside naked.

    It was weird but I enjoyed myself :)
    imshy1234 imshy1234 13-15, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    If you're reading this,

    you're reading this.
    RodSquad76 RodSquad76 18-21, M 4 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    If I make you breakfast in bed,

    say "Thank you." not "How did you get in my house?"
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses Jul 29

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    The dog is just staring at me

    and it's really creeping me out. I feel like he's planing to kill me in my sleep or some ****.
    CallMeChelsea CallMeChelsea 16-17, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Women are like pianos,

    when they are not upright they are grand.
    meme111111 meme111111 36-40, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    FOR ALL YOU VIOLENCE LOVERS THAT LAUGH AT IT.

    .. The fox came beneath the train and died by decapitation. The driver, with a black cap kept a blank face n sed ... Oh well. Am going ahead. The fox sed... Am too going dead A- head... Driver: (still a blank face)... ERM Sazzio, foxes do not talk. Fox: o_o We do not talk...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 32 Responses Jul 16

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 4 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    I keep telling myself

    that the easier I wake up for work, the more time I have howitzer drink coffee of **********. There can only be one.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Roses are red, Violets are purple I'm not

    giving head ...****, nothing rhymes with purple
    NatashaRose NatashaRose 18-21, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is it completely terrible

    that I was laughing hysterically at the fact that an 80 year old woman had two artificial knees? Isn't that just natures way of saying "c'mon lady you're too old"?
    daniisrude daniisrude 26-30, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I find it funny how everything you say becomes

    p3rv3rted when you add: "if you know what I mean" and a grin. "Hi, I'm Ansonicchi, if you know what I mean." *grin* "Here's your today's paper, if you know what I mean." *grin* "I'm going to the bathroom, if you know what I mean." *grin* "Wanna have lunch? If you know what I...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 7 Responses Jun 16

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 64 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    I laugh at some of the most not

    so funny things ever !
    imshy1234 imshy1234 13-15, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    Faithlovee Faithlovee 16-17, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I was going to get a job

    as a ********, but then I remembered that I can't dance, and I don't look good naked.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    I bought a new shirt

    because I thought it was awesome. As soon as I put it on, I felt my self esteem go up. I wore it to work today and nobody said anything about it. I felt my self go down. The insecurity levels are ridiculous. Lol
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck,

    if that particular woodchuck had a chainsaw?
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    For instance, while we've been talking,

    I am imagining myself sitting on a throne, watching us.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    clubspecialbee clubspecialbee 26-30, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    True friendships are

    when you get into an insult battle as you try to come up with the most hurtful :) Ahhh friendship
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I've always been the one to laugh

    when I shouldn't. I'd laugh at inappropriate situations, when I was being yelled at by parents, when cops would get on to me. One of the funniest memories I have is watching an old guy fall down some stairs. Haha still makes me laugh!
    Patrikios Patrikios 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Look, he probably won't

    even come back with the actual food, why don't you just give him this one? Ok cheeseburger helper, you're on! Yay! Cheese, cheese, cheese! Yay! You're a good brother. Anyone?
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 4 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    Love is like a sandwich.

    .. Well, not really. I'm just hungry, so I'm going to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 9 Responses 5 days ago

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    My friends said she wanted to get a cat,

    and I was like, "You gotta be kitten me!" She hasn't talked to me since.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 43 Responses Jul 16

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    The worst part of being an insomniac is having

    to eat spiders while I'm awake to maintain my yearly average.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    I THINK I WANT MY BOYFRIEND to have to

    girlfriend" at same too . 💋💋💋💕💕💋
    chieww chieww 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    sarahjane79 sarahjane79 31-35, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Sazzio: I have so many dry jokes t tell!

    =:D You: -_- Sazzio: How do you... You: (Ahem ahem) Sazzio, yer last jokes are not even dry... But they sure are funny (Laugh). Sazzio: Really!!? :-D (giggles) You: :-D (ahem, NOT) -_- Sazzio: (still giggles) Sazzio: -_- You:-_-
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 9 Responses Feb 13

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    Texting my dad Me: Dad I just want to wish

    you a happy Fathers day and we love you <3 Dad: Gabby why did you put a cone with a butt? Me: Wut :D
    DysfunctionalPiano DysfunctionalPiano 13-15, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    The paparazzi take pictures of women,

    and nothing happens. I take pictures of women, and I get arrested. I don't see why me being in her closet has anything to do with it.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    meme111111 meme111111 36-40, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses