Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 132,837 People

    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 36 Responses Sep 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I swear, if common sense were fuel,

    my boss wouldnt have enough to circle a dime with a cement truck...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 28 Responses Aug 26

    Your Response

    Cancel
    tearsfalling89 tearsfalling89 22-25, F 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sickos who like watching real life death videos.

    ...(serial killers whose b@lls havent dropped yet)
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My boss is the poster child

    for swallowing...or pulling out...whatever you're into
    Woods93 Woods93 18-21, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Who i really feel sorry

    for is my bosses husband, her face looks like it caught fire and some one tried to put it out with a carving knife, i bet when she goes to the beach, the tide wont come in till she leaves, her face would make a train take a dirt road....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There should be competency screening

    for breeding, and stiff penalties for stupid people doing so without a license...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 41 Responses Jul 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Political systems through out the world are

    just an updated version of old religions. They had sun gods earth gods water gods wind gods. Gods of the dead and beautiful among others. Now that we know that they were just to explain the natural events of the planet like seasons. And even human vices and desires. We have...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear SpongeBob you live in Bikini Bottom &

    you're super absorbent? Sincerely, you're a tampon
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why is it that when you're wife is pregnant,

    everybody rubs her stomach and say "Congratulations", but nobody rubs your balls and says "Good job"? For the record, this isn't my joke. I found it on the internet.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Why does toilet paper have a commercial?

    Who doesn't buy toilet paper?"
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like sleeping, because it's like I died,

    just without the commitment.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    dashuria dashuria 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I won't take a bullet

    for anyone because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, they would have time to move.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Realizing he never lived up to his potential,

    the un-popped kernel accepts his fate, and prepares to live out his days inside a plastic bag.
    invertedcocaine invertedcocaine 22-25, F 1 Response 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    roses are red bacon is red poems are

    hard bacon PS this post made me hungry
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 3 Responses 8 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 26 Responses Sep 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    there are only 2 ways to get me to hurt you 1.

    messing with my friends of family and 2. trying to eat my bacon try either 2 and get ready for the E.R XD
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 3 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like funny jokes and one liners,

    I also like play on words. Some don't get my humor, but then again some just don't get me full stop! "My friend told me today that I just don't understand irony!...which was ironic as we were standing at the bus stop at the time." - this one made me chuckle :O)
    ultimatehacker ultimatehacker 26-30, M 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Someday there will be a time

    when chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I wonder how many Christians died

    and realized they were lied to all along. HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEH.
    Ginkofishin Ginkofishin 18-21, F 10 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    9 out of 10 voices in my head say I'm sane the

    other one is humming the jaws theme song
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me: hey I'm curious why you don't get tired

    everyday. Friend: for what? Me: because you always carry a bag... Friend: bag? I don't carry a bag everyday. Me: hmm.. What about your bag under your eye? Friend: crazy haha
    onionheart16 onionheart16 26-30, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me: My gynecologist said I can't have sex

    for 2 weeks. Boyfriend: What did your dentist say?
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Did you ever see that episode of Spongebob

    when Squidward walked in on Patrick ridin' Spongebob bare-back? They all just froze in silence, and "three hours later" you see Squidward sitting cross-legged on the floor yelling instructions to the two of them. It was funny cuz when Squidward eventually joined in, he kept...
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Man #1: when I die I want to be buried under

    the oak tree where I took my wife on our third date. Man #2: when I die I want my body to be cremated, and I want my eldest son to put me in an onyx, diamond encrusted vase. Man #3: when I die, I'm going to become a ghost and I'm going to watch attractive people shower.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Nov 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Whenever a bird ***** on my car,

    I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 4 Responses 20 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 7 Responses Aug 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I think my bosses birth certificate is actually

    an apology from a condom company....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Everyone always talks about the the early bird.

    How about the early worm? How would that work out for him?
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 3 Responses