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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 139,476 People

    i would like to thank the staff of ep at this

    time for censoring my parody of a popular holiday classic,thank you very much,and pardon my vernacular.i guess its alright for other posts to say sexually explicit things which i will not list here.i wouldnt have enough time in my day to do so.thanks again,and **** you too...
    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 2

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    This is for the gamers out there.

    Ever wonder if the creatures and alien life forms and whatever enemy you have, converse with each other as you're coordinating with your team? Enemy: " Ahhh here the come! Noo their flanking us, get em! Hurrehsssss, the timer is counting down, we can't let them throouugghhh...
    MasqueradingAs MasqueradingAs 26-30, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2

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    Let's play the turkey game: Rename a movie

    using the word 'turkey'. My Big Fat Greek Turkey
    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 161 Responses Nov 25

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    I have the deepest and utmost respect

    for men that shove women out the door; gee thanks!!!!!
    extant1 extant1 46-50, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 63 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    are socks gloves for your feet

    or are gloves socks for your hands?
    Turtlelicker Turtlelicker 16-17, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 16 Responses Jul 7

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    Just please read photo .

    .. Hahahahaha
    Seemlessunspeakablesomething Seemlessunspeakablesomething 26-30, M 4 Responses 43 mins ago

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    A photon walks into a hotel.

    The lobby clerk asks "May I help you with your bags?" The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light". BAZINGA.
    deleted deleted 26-30 13 Responses Nov 5

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    The perfect holiday gift

    for every child on your list this year.
    TheMisanthropist TheMisanthropist 31-35, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

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    Suicide bomb instructor to students.

    "Pay attention now. I'm only showing you this once"
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 21 hrs ago

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    nataliebarger nataliebarger 18-21, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 29 mins ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 9 Responses Aug 19

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    You know what's ironic?

    ? English people invented manners.
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 6 hrs ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    Slicing all these carrots

    but I'm not even the gratest.
    HigherLife HigherLife 18-21, M 1 day ago

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    I notice in book stores there's a lot of

    artsy-fartsy dudes with scarves around their necks. *takes scarf off, looks around, puts in Lost & Found*
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    ThePixie123 ThePixie123 16-17, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I don't find myself unattractive,

    but l also don't find myself attractive. I feel like I'm just sort of here, not something that really grabs anyone's attention. Sort of like a chair. Or maybe a lamp
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 5 hrs ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14

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    I like to watch horror films

    and find discrepancies in the movie. I also laugh when other people usually are in shock and awe.
    cheche80 cheche80 31-35, F 3 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23

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    on the first day of christmas ,

    my true love gave to me:one hunk of ******* smelly cheese.on the second day of christmas,my true love gave to me:2 swift kicks in the nuts,and a hunk of smelly ******* cheese.on the third day of christmas,my true love gave to me:3 woolie woolahs,2 swift kicks in the nuts,and a...
    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 3 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Do suicide bombers have to demonstrate their

    skill in order to graduate?
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 7 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 29 Responses Dec 8

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    Message to Americans: Dear Americans.

    When you have pension and no longer work you're meant to say "Am retired..." NOT "Am retard!"
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

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    xPiZzaIsBaex xPiZzaIsBaex 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    I find it funny how alot of people try to be

    something they aren't; just to impress people. "basic chick" "trying to be a better person when you mess up almost 24/7" ... I make myself laugh when I do the same thing.
    butterflyofchange butterflyofchange 18-21, F 2 days ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 8 Responses Dec 1

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 24 Responses Sep 19

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses Nov 22

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    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 8 Responses Oct 18

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3

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    Does anyone like to take a step back

    and watch people from a third person perspective? Watching people go about doing their dumb stuff is humorous.
    vffries vffries 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Idk, some photos you've taken are SO

    meaningless, they have a way of meaning something to you ... Go figure?? :/ lol
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Don't break anybody's heart,

    they only have one. Break their bones, they have 206
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 3 days ago

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    All rights reserved. No part of this

    publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in...
    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16