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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 139,833 People

    Love this one, "I'm not saying I hate you

    or anything. I just hope you fall..face first..onto a knife." ??
    KyrBella KyrBella 13-15, F 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    my friend was super drunk yesterday

    so i took him to his home -because i'm always sober- so we were in the bedroom and he saw himself in the mirror and he was like"F*** there is a black guy in my house" XD
    T0bone T0bone 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    I was in math class and my teacher asked "what

    comes after 69?" Apparently "I do" is not the correct answer.
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 10 Responses Aug 28

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

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    Words of wisdom: When the toilets at work don't

    flush properly don't keep flushing. Merry Christmas to our neighbours on the floor below us.. I have your weather prediction for work on Monday: cloudy with 100% change of sewage downpour.. He he
    aquagrl aquagrl 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Read this without smiling.

    .. The two g.ay old men went for a power walk... One has short grey hair and the other white curly hair... The fat old lady at the bus stop, glasses, short brunette stared in horror and amazement at the 2 men... cause they were 100% naked!
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.ย  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.ย  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 63 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 8 Responses Oct 18

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Iย laughed so hard atย this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 8 Responses Dec 1

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    My moms family did their Christmas tonight.

    We have family friends who have sons close to my age and the son we are closest to came tonight. So I'm sitting in the living room with him, his mom and my uncle. He's telling a story about his younger half sibling from his dad (his parents are divorced) Him: "So my younger half...
    Env06 Env06 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

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    How do you get rid of g.

    ays? Well one person must announce that they are g.ay. Who is this person that'll get rid of ALL g.ays?? Justin Bieber.
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16

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    You call it lazy, I call it Selective

    Participation. ๐Ÿ˜
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31

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    It happned again today morning.

    My Boss was completly out of control shouted like hell with his maximum volume. told me " F u k off". told many things which are not suitable in professional and civilized world. He brusted for a small reason and forced me to accept the thing i didnt do. he told me Iam going...
    heartless2 heartless2 22-25, M 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13

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    No one understands it

    when I make jokes.
    fadwahassani fadwahassani 18-21, F 4 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 29 Responses Dec 8

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    Hooray for cool dreams.

    Bizarre little half thought-out plots of heroism, sacrifice and poorly conceived stand-offs. I've had crazy dreams ever since I can remember and I'm loving them more and more; the crazier the better. I often only remember snippets but I cannot help but think: what the?? Where...
    itismichael itismichael 36-40, M 2 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3

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    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new

    password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    Let's play the turkey game: Rename a movie

    using the word 'turkey'. My Big Fat Greek Turkey
    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 161 Responses Nov 25

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    Little Sally came home from school with a smile

    on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied...
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    A man walks into a costume party wearing nothing

    but blue jeans. The host looks at him and says, "What are you supposed to be?" "I am premature ***********", says the man. The host asks, "Well, where's your shirt and shoes?" "I just came in my pants."
    minioreosarebomb minioreosarebomb 22-25, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 2

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    this is real fun.....

    .. http://youtu.be/_uOidKHwA2M
    SirWannabeGhost SirWannabeGhost 16-17, M 21 hrs ago

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    I got a job rejection email two days

    before Christmas. I guess timing is everything. They seem to have rejected all the applicants, as the job was just re-posted--without any changes. Go figure...I found it amusing.
    taxformspointman taxformspointman 56-60, M 3 days ago

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    Just dropped a new single.

    . It's me I'm single.. :(
    MixedTy MixedTy 13-15, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    When your Twerk speaks

    for itself , Don't interrupt.
    MixedTy MixedTy 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 24 Responses Sep 19

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 9 Responses Aug 19

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    1kingdarkness 1kingdarkness 26-30, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I know you're not suppose to start drinking

    until after 5.00, but what do you do if time don't move fast enough?
    stupendusdude stupendusdude 46-50 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Thought Santa had visited my house early last

    night. Was in my bedroom, looked up and saw a man with a big red round face and big fat belly too. Turns out it was the mirror.
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 3 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses 5 days ago

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    Jack and Jill went up the hill

    so Jack could lick her candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c.ock cause Jill's real name was Randy!
    dipeelee dipeelee 18-21, F 11 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I can't chew gum and take a shower at the

    sametime. physically impossible.
    loui24 loui24 22-25, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 20 Responses Nov 28

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 69 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    xPiZzaIsBaex xPiZzaIsBaex 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    TITANIC THE UNTOLD STORY Sorry

    but i had to ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
    FrancesFaye FrancesFaye 13-15, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2

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    I have no idea why I laughed

    so much at this xD
    Rachel335 Rachel335 16-17, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    xPiZzaIsBaex xPiZzaIsBaex 13-15, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didnโ€™t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 16 Responses Jul 7

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23