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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 126,283 People

    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    My boyfriend decided to tell my circle of

    friends about how we jokingly plan to convince our kids that if you like someone, you must do a mating ritual. It involves a head-dress, standing on one leg, waving your arms, and "cawing" at them. According to my friends, they had no idea my rosy cheeks could turn purple with...
    Funyun77 Funyun77 22-25, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    A woman was standing in front of the mirror

    while her husband read the paper. The woman said, "I feel horrible! I look old, fat, and ugly! I really need you to compliment me." Her husband responded by saying, "Your eyesight is damn near perfect." • Don't like what I post? Don't comment. •
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    minioreosarebomb minioreosarebomb 22-25, M 2 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    Probably my favorite scene from any movie,

    ever. What an appetite.  
    moxieLEMON moxieLEMON 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Spider Pig. Spider Pig.

    Does whatever a Spider Pig does. Can he swing, from a web? No, he can't. Cause he's a pig. LOOK OUT! It's Spider Pig!
    Kostim Kostim 18-21, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    I went to the zoo the other day.

    It was empty, except for a single dog. It was a Shih Tzu. • Don't like what I post? Don't comment. •
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 42 Responses Jul 16

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    THE POPE DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT SONS,

    HUN!! (I literally just made that up on the spot.. I just thought it was funny so I wanted to share it xD Sorry-not-sorry.)
    MissClueless MissClueless 16-17, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    thelonerinyourbed thelonerinyourbed 70+, T 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    My sense of humour would be normal probably

    for an American but for a Finn I'm really really weird.
    80sRockLover 80sRockLover 22-25, F 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Sometimes I feel like the hulk

    when I miscalculate how much effort something will take.
    danaclaire21 danaclaire21 13-15, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    disciple556 disciple556 26-30, M 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    moxieLEMON moxieLEMON 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 10 Responses Aug 28

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    As a man, I find slicing a stick of pepperoni

    can be painful for me, especially when I accidentally slice my penis instead of the pepperoni. • Don't like what I post? Don't comment. •
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    My favorite illegal thing to do is cut through

    parking lots instead of waiting at a traffic light. Makes me feel like I'm in a Fast and Furious movie.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    Today, I wore white pants to lunch with a

    friend.. The first thing my fashionista friend said to me was, "Now, you know you aren't supposed to wear white after Labor Day!"... To which I replied, "Well, why do people get married after Labor Day then??" : P
    dandylion7 dandylion7 41-45, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 29 Responses Jul 16

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    How t deal with grammar nazi!

    !! Grammar nazi being a pain? Do they all end up being posh after reading your bad spellings?! Perhaps they see your age n guess what is what will b yer Inglish results at scool??? SOLUTION!!!Instead of there/ their, use "Dere." For its it's try "Tis." Your you're use "Yer...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    Don't tell me to be patient.

    I'm not a doctor. I don't have patience.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 37 Responses 3 days ago

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    Staying up way too late watching ridiculous

    videos. I love it, though. But after this one, it's bedtime.    
    moxieLEMON moxieLEMON 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I love to hear a woman complain about her socks

    falling down in her shoes all day...or even cuter if she doesn't mind if it happens...hahaha
    whyevenask21 whyevenask21 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    I just got back from a doctor's visit.

    The doc said I should stop mast*rbating. I asked why and he said, ''because I'm trying to examine you.''
    buggyjuggy buggyjuggy 41-45, F 15 Responses 4 days ago

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    moxieLEMON moxieLEMON 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 9 Responses Aug 17

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Okay, okay so listen 😂😂 He said: Books

    or me. I sometimes remember him when I'm buying new books. LOL. This is so freaking genius!
    2wrp 2wrp 13-15, F 2 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Okay, okay so listen 😂😂 He said: Books

    or me. I sometimes remember him when I'm buying new books. LOL. This is so freaking genius!
    2wrp 2wrp 13-15, F 16 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 66 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    Me and my dad were in the kitchen making dinner

    when my mom walks in while singing "Coat of Many Colors" by Dolly Parton. I ask my mom, "Who sings that song?" She responds with "Dolly Parton." So I said "Well let's keep it that way." We all laughed, but 5 minutes later, my mom slaps my back, and says, "I just got what you...
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    "I know this isn't a good time,

    but, I gotta go..."WARNING: It's gross.  
    moxieLEMON moxieLEMON 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    there was a time when we were moving

    and I took last Christmas deer decorations ( you know the ones that hollow out and have light every where) and arranged them to hump each other because we were giving them to my Aunt Missy. lol best moving day ever!
    Ghostartist Ghostartist 18-21, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I am always on tilt,

    so no one ever knows.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 3 days ago