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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 137,310 People

    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 4 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26

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    Dear turkeys: they only love us

    for OUR breasts too, sincerely,...women.
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    I've come to the conclusion

    that instead of "at the drop of a hat" or "in a heartbeat" or "at a moment's notice", I, as a proud pyromaniac will say "at the click of a lighter" and invite all pyros to adopt the phrase as well
    BiCPP BiCPP 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Thanksgiving: when people sometimes travel

    thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year,...only to discover that once a year is WAY too much...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    A photon walks into a hotel.

    The lobby clerk asks "May I help you with your bags?" The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light". BAZINGA.
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Nov 5

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    Ladies, during the holidays remember;

    if theres a voice in your head that says: "i cant keep drinking this way" dont listen to her, shes drunk...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    Let's play the turkey game: Rename a movie

    using the word 'turkey'. My Big Fat Greek Turkey
    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 164 Responses 3 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28

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    BLACK FRIDAY because only in America do people

    trample each other to death for a flat screen at a walmart only 8 hours after allegedly being thankful for what they have...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    that moment when you pull something off

    flawlessly that you decide to celebrate with a little dance xD or is that just me :P
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 1 day ago

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    So a girl I'm talking to tells me her favorite

    song of ALL TIME is one that came out a couple weeks ago...... time to cut ties right?
    AreYouDaft25 AreYouDaft25 31-35, M 13 Responses Oct 11

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 24 Responses Sep 19

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses 6 days ago

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    How come society makes us feel bad

    for thinking out the box when all the time it's made up to control us. Come play at secreterotica . com it's sexy, fun the groups and library are wicked and no BS censorship either.
    YouKnowItMakesSense YouKnowItMakesSense 31-35, M 7 hrs ago

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 12 Responses Oct 23

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    I'm really not funny I'm just a jerk

    and people think I'm joking
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    If the Indians.would have given the pilgrims a

    donkey instead of a turkey, we'd all be getting a piece of *** today....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    http://vimeo.com/46824308 Watch it!

    The most hilarious video about sex olympic thing lol
    candy8ar candy8ar 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 hr ago

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    When scientists finally pinpoint the center of

    the universe, i bet allot of people are going to be shocked and disappointed that it isnt THEM...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 10 Responses Aug 19

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    Turns out that meth use among turkeys increases

    from October through January...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31

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    Not even a cannibal would eat you out,

    *****, you deserve to be fingered by a guy with knifes for hands. 😂😂😂😂
    hellerpeople hellerpeople 16-17, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

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    I just accidently sucked all the co2 out of a

    whipcream can and i still have half a pie left, everythings closed....the struggle is real...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 6 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Amayarri Amayarri 18-21, F 23 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 63 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I would imagine, that the most stressful thing

    about a cannibal thanksgiving is deciding WHO will be the turkey...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I hate Football but this is hilarious.

    I'm crying laughing. I'm so weird I could watch these all day. http://youtu.be/Zce-QT7MGSE http://youtu.be/rRqKYXcL-2U
    Jennerrous Jennerrous 36-40, F 7 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Mirrors cant talk, thankfully,

    they cant laugh either...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Halloween: candy. Thanksgiving: food.

    Christmas: gifts. New years: Drinks. Valentines: sex. Birthdays: ALL THE ABOVE....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 8 Responses Oct 18

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    Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

    Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 12 Responses Nov 10

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    Things we hated as children: •being

    spanked •naps Things we love as adults: •being spanked •naps
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    When I'm late to class Me: sorry I'm late I

    got lost on the path of life
    jeline jeline 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    stayin up till the sun comes up :P stuff goin

    to school tomorrow ;) love yas
    kaiana2000 kaiana2000 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 6 Responses Nov 20

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    i am the king of dissing xD dissed a friend

    with a mama joke so bad that afterwards he called his mom to say i love you, i can't tell if i should be proud or ashamed xD
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 11 hrs ago