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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 150,059 People

    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    I'm the type of girl

    who bursts out laughing randomly at things you won't find nearly as hilarious as I do.
    Angieinthewonderland Angieinthewonderland 18-21, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Giggles. I just had to share this one.

    I was sitting here when I heard the words to this song on TV. It had me laughing and of course I had to look up the whole song. I find it absolutely hilarious. Hehe Singing it now..... He was stone cold dead in the market....*jiggy dance. Lolol. https://m.youtube.com...
    snowberry75 snowberry75 36-40, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I have never kissed a midget,

    I don't think I could stoop that low.
    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 5 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    I told my GF to be happy!

    Just be loud. Express yourself whenever possible, whatever occassion. She thought and thought and thought... *That evening* so, here I am at my party with my fam and guests. My GF's in the distance, with her close friends. Then she shouts, unsually loud. "Sazzio! Sazzio!" I wave...
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    BiFurZak BiFurZak 22-25, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 26

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    "It's okay to crack your knuckles,

    just don't knuckle your crack." - Larry The Cable Guy
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    http://content-img.experienceproject.

    com/1429738110Toplv8-i.jpgIt works no matter what I do with it 
    HelterSkelter1 HelterSkelter1 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    Despite the old saying,

    "Don't take your troubles to bed with you." many women still sleep with their husbands. LOL (jokes)
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 7 Responses Jan 20

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    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Mar 9

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    This. Is. Epic. https://www.

    youtube.com/watch?v=wjN8cKWwbpc
    astrokitty4341 astrokitty4341 22-25, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    dancingWATERz dancingWATERz 51-55, F 6 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 26

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    Two reporters talking: „Anyway,

    they were building the lower level on the George Washington Bridge, and we were doing a remote there. Except nobody told me! ...ten after seven in the morning I get a call "Where the hell are you? You're supposed to be on the George Washington Bridge!" I jump out of bed, throw...
    KimKarlsson KimKarlsson 16-17, M 5 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 8 Responses Mar 3

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    To me, Life and Death are like common parents,

    one wakes you up and the other one puts you to sleep.
    TheTofuMaster TheTofuMaster 22-25, M 5 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 27 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 4 hrs ago

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    I am never sure what to do with my eyes

    when I am at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    I'd like to propose a toast: Here's to our wives

    and girlfriends, may they never meet.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 8 Responses Mar 14

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    Did you hear about the Agnostic,

    Dyslexic, Insomniac ? Stayed up all night pondering the existence of dog.
    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    gymrat1997 gymrat1997 16-17, M 5 hrs ago

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    That horrible moment

    when you have no toilet paper and you scream for some and your brother brings you newspaper flavored with pepper spray. He has a mean and weird sense of humour.
    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 16-17, M 17 hrs ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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