Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 150,638 People

    A train traveled from San Fransisco to Los

    Angeles in 4 hours . . .Now a different train traveled from Los Angeles to San Fransisco in 8 hours . . . .this proves that the train leaving Los Angeles was half fast
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 4 Responses 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My neighbors a moron.

    . .Yesterday he got a new job and he told me all he does is drive around picking up Mexican chicks all day. . . . .Today he drove his work truck home . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Grandson came running in the other day

    and said "Gramps , I got a joke for you . . ." "OK" I said . . .He says "OK , these three Polish guys go walking into this bar right ". . .I said "Hey Hey Hey , dont use ethnic terms when telling a joke , you could hurt some ones feelings, what I use is KLINGONS, that way...
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel
    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 36 Responses Jul 16, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I guess I have to agree with my wife .

    . . .I do have too much time on my hands . . . . 
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My neighbor's a moron .

    . .he thinks Roe Versus Wade are the two most popular ways to get across the Potomac. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Thats interesting . .

    . .I read today the inventor of throat lozenges has died.. . I suppose there'll be no coffin at his funeral. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If my wife calls me lazy one more time .

    . .I swear I'm getting off this couch and go to the bedroom and take a nap
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Man oh man . . .when my wife said we were

    having "Period Features" added to the house . . . .I didnt know these people would be stopping by once a month. . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 42 Responses Feb 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    On the internet: "I F***** hate people" On the

    resume: "I love working with people"
    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 4 Responses 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My wife text me early this morning .

    . ."Windows frozen". . .I texted back "Pour warm water on em".. . . She texted back . . "Now computer doesnt turn on at all !"
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

    Your Response

    Cancel
    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've always wondered about the guy

    who named superheroes ya know. . .Like. . . OK You are Batman, check. . . and you are Wonder Woman, check. . . .and you are Spiderman, check . . (.then he took a hit of acid ) OK Green Lantern . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Have you ever noticed

    that ":3" looks like a deep throat BJ ? Lol #SorryNotSorry
    TheLeftBehind TheLeftBehind 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 8 Responses Mar 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

    Your Response

    Cancel
    gamesformolly gamesformolly 13-15, F 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I guess I have to agree with my wife.

    . . .I do have too much time on my hands . . . .so to speak. . . 
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 27 Responses Dec 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Mar 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 18 Responses Mar 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    . . . . and then there are those people

    who say I just have too much time on my hands . . .so to speak. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Apparently people get freaked out

    when your plane is landing and you start singing what if God is one of us..
    FabulousGirl FabulousGirl 31-35, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I gave a girl my number

    and told her to call me when she gets home.. ... ... ... ... She must be homeless.
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 12 Responses Mar 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ever since I was a kid I have questioned

    authority . . .for instance. . . .How does anyone know every snow flake is unique . . . .like who's gonna check. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I accidentally went grocery shopping on an

    empty stomach. . . . . . and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7.
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes I play a blank CD

    as loud as it will go. . . .it drives the mime next door nuts. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sad news in the entertainment world.

    . . . .Larry LaPrise, who wrote the song and dance classic 'The Hokey Pokey' is dead at 93.. . . . His funeral went off with only one hitch,. . . . while transferring Larry to his coffin, . . . .they put his left leg in, and that's when the trouble began.
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Yes, I'd like a venti skinny soy half-sweet

    one-pump caramel macchiato half-caff extra whip, please.", , , ,,Uh sir we only have Pepsi. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago