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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 156,644 People

    There was a kidnapping at

    that elementary school. But, DONT WORRY!!! The kids woke up. (:
    Firechiic Firechiic 16-17, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    nunezquinnad nunezquinnad 18-21, F 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    My brother in law need a kidney urgently.

    O+ Kidney need urgently. Donor should be under 40. Donor call at No. +92-333-4506458, 0300-6703819 or 03332652785.
    Asgharsindhi Asgharsindhi 41-45, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    If you don't mind. Unhappiest state of the U.

    S. If a. Remind me who you are. I love the videos.
    parttimefreak parttimefreak 36-40, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Thalassophobic Thalassophobic 18-21, M 4 days ago

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    SlaveInTraining21 SlaveInTraining21 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    bad/dark/offensive jokes are my weakness

    but I love them like a fat kid loves pie!
    muradgh muradgh 18-21, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    There was a cow boy, he went to New York on

    Sunday, he stayed for three days, and came back on Sunday, how's that possible? Cause his horse name is Sunday hahahahahaha
    vibrantsoul vibrantsoul 18-21, F 3 hrs ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    What do you get when

    when you cross metal with tar?........A nig/ger behind bars
    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 18-21, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    Homer: The compass is pointing East.

    Marge: That's the fuel gauge.
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Trying to explain borderline trait Black

    and white thinking. All or nothing So me said no gray areas Like restauraunts got. The listener said what do you mean So me said you know. The part of the restaurant Where the gray hairs gather To gripe about us pups Eating most of the best food That the...
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 18-21, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 8 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Do you know what headphones always get beat up?

    Beats by Dr.Dre. Get it? Get it? Pls laugh
    rxmngerah rxmngerah 13-15, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Is it weird that I find it hilarious how many

    guys message me within an hour? There is just so many! Some ask about my name, or what I look like. Some even send pics of themselves! I mean like come on! I don't want to see pics of you! And if I don't answer back, don't take it offensively! I get a lot of messages and maybe 8...
    tinytinyone tinytinyone 18-21, F 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    Friend: I guess you and I have different tastes.

    :p Me: Nah. I think we both taste the same.😋 Friend: Ohhh, do we now? ;) Me: I was talking about cannibalism.. 😒 Friend: Ohh.. Uhh.. Me too. 😂😂
    PsychGirl94 PsychGirl94 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I'd take of my shirt

    but i don't want you to be blinded by the white.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 38 Responses Feb 27

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    PLEASE READ! I have just started a charity.

    I am 17 years old, and this is my story: I was born with a heart condition called Aortic stenosis, which is narrowing of the exit of the left ventricle of the heart. I am now 17 years old, and I am much better (as a result of major surgery when I was younger). I am was fortunate...
    amylouexoh amylouexoh 16-17, F 10 hrs ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    PoutingEnigma PoutingEnigma 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 13

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    I like to tell people

    that i have the heart of a small boy. Then i say it's in a jar on my desk! :-p
    JnFrdriKler JnFrdriKler 22-25, M 3 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted 26-30 17 Responses Mar 12

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    how can you tell the proudest guy at the nudist

    club ? He can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts ! !
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    What's the difference between a Jew

    and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
    grainneodwyer grainneodwyer 13-15, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 8

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    PsychGirl94 PsychGirl94 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    CrimsonShadow CrimsonShadow 16-17, M 2 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    What's the difference between pizza

    and sex? Only one is legal to buy. What does pizza and sex have in common? I'm too poor to buy either.
    Thalassophobic Thalassophobic 18-21, M 9 hrs ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses