Ah yess the joys of being kind xD
True Story: I was about to get into shower an hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second...
New to this place...looks pretty interesting...with a side order of crazy...
That's How Things Are Done Around Here - Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in...
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
The 12 Stages Of Drunkenness -
0 – Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.
1 – Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
2 – Lager...
"There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow. "
"She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow."
"I had a nice lance that she sat upon."
"The maiden from Stonebury who is...
I am going to have a really bad day.. forgot half of my cloths at home.. and i'm travelling with friends..School trip....
TOP TEN WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others...
:/ - do I have to listen to maroon 1 2 3 and 4 before listening to maroon 5?
When going on a roller coaster bring nuts and bolts with you, lean to the person in front of you and say: "Whoa dude, these came out of your seat!"
A Collection Of Shameful One Liners - Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments...
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the...
I want to steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watchin cops chase a donut truck on the news.
I laugh out of no wear and than people look at me like is he crazy
One day...A turtle fell in a pond and died. The end!
Two Mischievous Brothers (joke) - Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute.
Two Mischievous Brothers
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
It would mean a lot to me if you Watch my YouTube vids
I can be normal.... ha. But who whats to do that?
"Hi, im the milkman, Do you want it in the front or back?" Lol x3
When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction) - “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
There is nothing better then someone you can be weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
I'm a certified prankster, and what better day is there to mess up people than April Fools Day?
My prank for this year's a little simple though. My friends and I went to the mall...
Just remember every time you don't re rack the weights at the gym..Justin Bieber writes a new song
Nobody else thinks this commercial is funny but everytime I see it I can't help cracking up http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ctIV7MST5i0
Sister: go **** yourself
Me: already did!
My humor is so sick
A man received message from his neighbor.. Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU...
Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her a$$ Now his two front teeth are missing
While I was being given a tour of a mental asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, “How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?” The doctor...
"I'm still counting on one last wave of puberty to come really late and make me hot."
Hey,there might still be hope for me.
Want to chat with a female cannibal
"I AM STRONG!!! I AM THE GREAT HUMONGOUS!!!!!!!"
"Yes... yes we all know you're The Great Humongous..."
"I was just saying."
"Oh you're always just saying!"
"I had a dream about you."
"Yeah, you died."
So I've been asked by a friend, "Why are you still single? You're 20 years old and haven't had a girlfriend? What are you looking for?"
I answered, "Nothing special, I just want a...
Hahahahhaah - HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
I have a less than average sense of humor but I live every minute of it
It began last friday, i was excited. I was going to pick up my kawasaki Ninja 500 that i had paid for a day earlier. I had already left the house and went to my boys and we would...
The guy next door just arrogantly challenged me to a water balloon fight..so i thought id write this as i wait for the water to boil..
I got 99 problems..... and theyre all due monday -.- #CollegeSucks
Divorce Hearing. - A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and
asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice...
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he asks...
Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee... - - You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your...
I told my mom to move her purse because it was invading my personal space. HA!
Heart if you get it.
A women and child was sitting across from me on the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and...
I am not ugly... God just challenged me to pick up women in legendary mode
Do you enjoy traveling? Well, I guess you won't after you've seated next to me in a public transportation vehicle.
I took a bus yesterday as I was going home, and to my surprise...
bad jokes crack me up better than a good joke
I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian -
An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young...
Yea. Anti jokes, creepy jokes, jokes that probably aren't considered jokes. I guess I'm just weird. Oh, yea we can't forget my horrible/loud laugh that really tops things off...
Do I have a date for Valentine's day?
Of course ! February 14
It's wonderful having a daft, childish sense of humour. Seeing the funny side of life, even if it's dark humour, helps me get through even the baddest of days.
Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me? - A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by...