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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 120,576 People

    You shouldn't play poker in the jungle ,

    because theres too many "CHEATahs" ooo gosh thats a good one. ( and yes i misspelled it on purpose)
    TeddyOrTeddie TeddyOrTeddie 13-15, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    GALILEO: Great mind. EINSTEIN: Genius mind.

    NEWTON: Extraordinary mind. BILL GATES: Brilliant mind. ME: NEVER MIND. Lol. Just read this somewhere and just thought of sharing this to everyone here. =)
    JustOrdinaryGirl JustOrdinaryGirl 18-21, F 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Ya... I always laugh

    when people die in movies
    helloworldsecretunicorn helloworldsecretunicorn 13-15 1 Response 1 day ago

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    eating salad at mc. donals is also like going

    to poop and coming out just farting!!!
    nishnishnish nishnishnish 26-30, M 1 day ago

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    thelonerinyourbed thelonerinyourbed 70+, T 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    Sometimes I wish I was double jointed

    so I could literally kick my own ***. Though having two joints sounds good too.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    I walked into a crowded elevator

    and I use humor during awkward situations. So I just randomly said "I guess you're all wondering why I brought you here today". A few looked at me like I was insane, the others smirked.
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    The next time you see someone wearing

    camouflage, run into them so they know that it is working.
    SgtsLittleGirl SgtsLittleGirl 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A middle aged man pointed out to me

    that he could see my bra strap. "Oh my god! Me, a woman, is wearing a bra! No-one should know about this! Someone call Victoria because her secrets out!"
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 11 Responses 6 days ago

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 10 Responses Aug 17

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 27 Responses 4 days ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    Stickboy1984 Stickboy1984 26-30, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    When I'm in a classroom

    or meeting and i get bored, I picture the speaker in outrageous outfits and laugh in my head...
    gaeainchaos gaeainchaos 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I Enjoy "Conquest" S*ex- I am still fairly young

    and single and keep myself in decent shape. My friends and I have been avid partiers and certainly do not lack confidence in ourselves. Sometimes we have contests and have what we call "conquest" s*ex where we simply try to pick up a girl for a one night stand or brief moment of...
    jchicano123 jchicano123 26-30, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    NOT SEXIST!!! A woman walks in a shop n say's

    to the staff member... Sir, sir! I think I need glasses!!! "You certainly do, Madam! This is the opticians... Not your kitchen." "Sorry, sir. I'll go back where I rightfully belong." Lady leaves. The manager pops from the back n says to the one n only staff member... Well...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    loveyourselfalwaysxx loveyourselfalwaysxx 13-15, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    My friend was drinking milk,

    so I opened my eyes really wide, got nose to nose with him and said with a squeaky voice: "Don't choke cause if you choke you die!!!!!!! O-O" milk. Was. Everywhere. Haha
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    It's really dry and caustic,

    sometimes self- depreciating. Most people don't understand my sense of humor.
    ajrestless ajrestless 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    I laugh at alot of things

    even though others think they are not funny at all sometimes it is really terrible
    anestacia anestacia 16-17, F 4 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Ya... I always laugh

    when people die in movies
    helloworldsecretunicorn helloworldsecretunicorn 13-15 1 Response 1 day ago

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    TAKE NOTE!!! White folks do stand up comedy in

    a quiet tone. Even the audience laff reasonably loud. INDIANS... please take note. Coffee shops do a smack bang job when it comes to their seating arrangements (UK). Leather seats, fine tables. McDONALD'S, please take note. I went in town this weekend for a shirt and trousers...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    This is actually pretty terrible,

    for a situation that really has no simple solutions, but kinda apt summary that I can see the humor in from "Andrej" on Twitter: Obama: There's no military solution to Ukraine crisis. Putin: Challenge accepted.
    Faust76 Faust76 36-40, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I always laugh at other peoples embarrassing

    moments, and random things, like people adding an extra letter to a word, heard it when i was in primary school, and laughed so hard for a few minutes.
    Elle2002 Elle2002 16-17, F 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    So as long as I have lived

    where I currently am, there has been this old guy who bikes past a couple times a week. This is the very first time I have not heard him ranting and raving as he went past. I have never been able to figure out if he had on a Bluetooth, was crazy or just weird. Because just now...
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 7 hrs ago

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    Perfect family!!! lmao 😂 having a good time

    with the bae 😆😂😂 lol jkjk
    adry39 adry39 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    ​This isn't even weird.

    ...it's just uber hilarious! You're welcome.
    ktlinn4 ktlinn4 26-30, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Existence is a ripe plum tomato,

    covered in chocolate and black pepper. Sex is strawberry flavoured fish fingers. Men are elephant grey balloons tied to a yellow silk lamp post.
    DearbhalC95 DearbhalC95 18-21, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Every time I watch a zombie movie

    or play a zombie game, anything that involves blood and guts, I want to eat something squishy and drink Koolaid out of my skull cup. I also tend to put the strawberry ice cream on the top cause I like to pretend I'm eating brains. Mmmm grey matter
    ThatRobotChick ThatRobotChick 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    When I was very young my grandparents used to

    watch my younger sister and I. My grandmother, who was an amazing woman that I miss very much, told me when you don't know what to do, smile. It has since, believe made me have the strangest sense of humor, and I love it. It has also caused me to be happier. Even in...
    lilHuman lilHuman 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses 6 days ago

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    meokeju meokeju 22-25, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    So I made a joke on one of theses,

    do vampires get STDs? And have made several others since then. However the vampire post has received the most comments amd hearts than just about any other one I've made. Why? Is it the vampires or the mention of sex, even the barest mention of it?
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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