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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 142,184 People

    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7, 2014

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    My sense of humor isn't weird,

    but it can be disturbing. This is about to be edgy as **** so.., TRIGGER WARNING: the edge of this is really sharp, so people who inflict self harm beware, for this may trigger PTSD My philosophy is that anything and everything can and should be joked about. My only...
    Ayelmaobby Ayelmaobby 13-15, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    I hate eating a pizza roll

    and burning the inside of my mouth so bad that nothing taste right ever again.
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Your late for TEA!!!!

    !! *throws teacup at the knave of hearts*
    anonymus000 anonymus000 16-17, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    If you can make me laugh,

    then you too must also have a weird sense humor.
    passivity passivity 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 12

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    Whenever I talk to my friend she always laugh

    whenever I try not to be funny. She's weird or I jut have a weird sense of humor, either is basically right
    FanWriter1215 FanWriter1215 13-15, F 2 days ago

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    If you're a woman who wants to get my attention,

    let me know how long you'd shake my hand in minutes and seconds when introducing yourself. The longer the better.
    CreativeLee CreativeLee 46-50, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    When I die, I don't want to be buried

    or cremated. I want to be taken to a taxidermist so my body can get stuffed.
    SerSean SerSean 18-21, M 7 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    Every Christmas I would My cousins up with this

    song. Jingle bells jingle bells wake your ***** up , if you don't im taking all your gifts and giving them all away hey ! Jingle bells jingle bells now get yo ***** up XD
    Princeofnothing Princeofnothing 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 22 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 16 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    EnigmaticDogma EnigmaticDogma 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    I get myself in trouble a lot.

    A while ago when I still had Facebook a friend of a friend updated a status.. Her beloved pet gold fish had died, she posted a photo of the fish in a lovely matchbox coffin she painted pink with nail polish, her status read "I loved my gold fish and really looked after him" I...
    NameNotFound404 NameNotFound404 26-30, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    TheQuietExtrovert TheQuietExtrovert 18-21, F 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    What in the world is happening here?

    Lol reading some of the 'I'm new' posts makes me want to talk to my dog
    jenny6666 jenny6666 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I must be quite the comedian cause every-time i

    show my face the world Laughs
    Princeofnothing Princeofnothing 18-21, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I laugh at holocaust jokes.

    "Why do you say to a women with two black eyes" "Nothing, she has been told twice" I have a weird... And horrible sense of human.
    Ruthes143 Ruthes143 18-21, F 13 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    *After meeting a new friend* Me: Hey,

    haven't I seen you on TV? Her: *confused* Really? Me: Yeah... wait....*scratches chin* I got it! You were on Animal Planet!
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    One of the greatest mysteries in life is how

    your earphones get tangled inside your bag when you've put them away properly.
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 2, 2014

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    That moment when a fly lands on your food,

    stares at you, rubs his legs intently, digs in, then looks at you again as if to say: "You're next."
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 2 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    I want nothing more than a grilled cheese

    sandwich, $3000 in my bank account and a glass of champers.
    jenny6666 jenny6666 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 71 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 10 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Oh no! Some kids were in a game show.

    .. and lost! :-( Me: >:-) You lil punks! You lost!
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    (True Story) Got into a fight with a wasp in my

    back yard. Slapped the **** out of him thinking I won as he flew away. #Victorydance!... The wasp comes back with 5 friends and I ran away... #soreloser. lol
    saeteurn saeteurn 22-25, M 10 mins ago

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    If God had intended for us to be sober,

    He would not have made Irish Whiskey taste sooooo good.
    Uncleleo Uncleleo 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    somethingxmissing somethingxmissing 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13, 2014

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Waiting alone in the car,

    everyone outside automatically becomes a rapist... ( o.o)
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    Knock, Knock. Who's there?

    Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him. I feel so bad laughing at this-
    nyanneon nyanneon 16-17, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    The weird part about the Humpty Dumpty nursery

    rhyme is that it never mentions him being an egg...
    GabrielAlan GabrielAlan 13-15, M 12 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    rangerdallas22 rangerdallas22 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago