Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 147,831 People

    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "I dream of a better tomorrow.

    .. where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned" ...I laughed longer then I should have when I read this...
    Scoodaloop Scoodaloop 18-21, F 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I would hate to think what kind of girls he's

    been with now that he's figured out that girls do wipe.... How can an 18 year old be this daft?
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 10 Responses Jan 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The life cycle is backwards!

    !! How great this would be if it happened like this...  
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My boyfriend just told me he took me to

    Starbucks the first time we went out because he forgot my name......
    anonamanda001 anonamanda001 16-17, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    laurabaillie16 laurabaillie16 13-15, F 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We had hotdogs for lunch today

    and when my mom came into the kitchen I looked at her and told her "I finally have a wiener!", then I threw the hotdog at her.
    TickleMeCell TickleMeCell 16-17, T 2 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 28 Responses Mar 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes when annoying people at work are

    talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face... And laugh inside.
    FabulousGirl FabulousGirl 31-35, F 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    KylieKaat KylieKaat 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    how to make me happy: • make me food •

    buy me food • be food • food
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'd like to propose a toast: Here's to our wives

    and girlfriends, may they never meet.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 9 Responses Mar 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I stopped believing today.

    ... Journey is going to be so pissed when they find out!
    FabulousGirl FabulousGirl 31-35, F 1 Response 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    AltF4 AltF4 22-25, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today I was over a relative's place.

    (They're judgemental and religious btw) We were watching HGTV and two guys are looking for a house together. They were brothers, but it wasn't clear at the time. So the relative makes a grossed out face and says, "I don't want to see some gay men!" and changes the channel. Then...
    KyrBella KyrBella 13-15, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Whoever said nothing was impossible never

    tried slamming a revolving door."
    Scoodaloop Scoodaloop 18-21, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I think I seen it all,

    until I watched this video of sock puppets covering Slayers "raining blood" https://youtu.be/JL6DDidh_SU
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm off to see the wizard the wonderful Wizard

    of Oz because because because because of the wonderful things he does. I have no idea where that came from. But it's been stuck in my head all day. LOL
    lovlife777 lovlife777 46-50, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 46 Responses Feb 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 26-30, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Chim chimney chim chimney chim chimney chim

    chim, like a twit i be singing this song. Chim chimney chim chimney chim chimney chim shru, like an old foo am outta... tune! :-(
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    2 chemists walked into a bar.

    The first said "I think that I will just have some H2O please", and the second said "Hmmm... Yes, I think that I will have H2O too". The second chemist died. H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide I typed this whilst listening to the periodic table song by ASAPscience I...
    laurabaillie16 laurabaillie16 13-15, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 19 Responses Mar 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometime I should listen &.

    Think before I open my mouth
    chef59 chef59 51-55, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have no idea why I find this scene in Shrek

    so god damn funny.. http://youtu.be/4NELXnZlaVw I like that boulder.. That is a NICE boulder
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Rihanna suddenly paused,

    mid-photo shoot, and demanded silence from everyone in the studio. Once it was perfectly still, she proceeded to cut the longest, sweetest sounding fart anyone had ever heard. She then spent the next 10 minutes high-fiving everyone in the room. (see photo)
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 41-45, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

    Your Response

    Cancel
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There's nothing sweeter

    than hearing a man say those three little words... "You were right."
    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 10 Responses Mar 3

    Your Response

    Cancel