A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the...
Just remember every time you don't re rack the weights at the gym..Justin Bieber writes a new song
Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me? - A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by...
"There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow. "
"She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow."
"I had a nice lance that she sat upon."
"The maiden from Stonebury who is...
So I've been asked by a friend, "Why are you still single? You're 20 years old and haven't had a girlfriend? What are you looking for?"
I answered, "Nothing special, I just want a...
TOP TEN WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others...
When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction) - “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
Two Mischievous Brothers (joke) - Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute.
Two Mischievous Brothers
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
I got 99 problems..... and theyre all due monday -.- #CollegeSucks
Do I have a date for Valentine's day?
Of course ! February 14
A women and child was sitting across from me on the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and...
Haha funny :D
Onions would make a lot more sense.
Guy Needs A Push (joke) - A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning...
When going on a roller coaster bring nuts and bolts with you, lean to the person in front of you and say: "Whoa dude, these came out of your seat!"
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
Divorce Hearing. - A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and
asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice...
I laugh out of no wear and than people look at me like is he crazy
There is nothing better then someone you can be weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
This picture made me cry 😂 I can't get over it it's just too funny
I told my mom to move her purse because it was invading my personal space. HA!
Heart if you get it.
"I'm still counting on one last wave of puberty to come really late and make me hot."
Hey,there might still be hope for me.
I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian -
An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young...
I am not ugly... God just challenged me to pick up women in legendary mode
New to this place...looks pretty interesting...with a side order of crazy...
Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee... - - You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your...
Once, It Almost Got Me Fired -
When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs. I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with...
"I had a dream about you."
"Yeah, you died."
Stranger: "You have a nice face!"
Me: "Thanks, my parents gave it to me."
Hahahahhaah - HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
Yea. Anti jokes, creepy jokes, jokes that probably aren't considered jokes. I guess I'm just weird. Oh, yea we can't forget my horrible/loud laugh that really tops things off...
It would mean a lot to me if you Watch my YouTube vids
Today I was driving around town looking at the different colors of cars ... And I decided to call then race cars you know back,white,red, brown, etc... Do you think some feel less...
I am turned on by being humiliated, how unfortunate is that that I have to be completely humiliated to get off? Oh well, I'm looking for someone who enjoys humiliating, anybody...
Just one of those nights I guess lmao!!
That's How Things Are Done Around Here - Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in...
I'm a certified prankster, and what better day is there to mess up people than April Fools Day?
My prank for this year's a little simple though. My friends and I went to the mall...
When someone tells me something I don't like.
(The picture cuts off)
I can be normal.... ha. But who whats to do that?
Any girls my age want to talk not sexally just talk
Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her a$$ Now his two front teeth are missing
The guy next door just arrogantly challenged me to a water balloon fight..so i thought id write this as i wait for the water to boil..
Sister: go **** yourself
Me: already did!
My humor is so sick
I have a less than average sense of humor but I live every minute of it
I want to steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watchin cops chase a donut truck on the news.
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he asks...
True Story: I was about to get into shower an hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second...
My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
Do you enjoy traveling? Well, I guess you won't after you've seated next to me in a public transportation vehicle.
I took a bus yesterday as I was going home, and to my surprise...
:/ - do I have to listen to maroon 1 2 3 and 4 before listening to maroon 5?
The 12 Stages Of Drunkenness -
0 – Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.
1 – Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
2 – Lager...
"I AM STRONG!!! I AM THE GREAT HUMONGOUS!!!!!!!"
"Yes... yes we all know you're The Great Humongous..."
"I was just saying."
"Oh you're always just saying!"