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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 161,252 People

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    I'm watching The Grudge 2 with Canterbury

    and Jarpad. Canterbury isn't impressed. She's a diva!
    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic 36-40, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    hahaha hey here's a joke What do you a nun in

    a wheel chair? Virgin mobile
    crangtang crangtang 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    I think the term "bigot" is overrated,

    I think it should be replaced with the word "atheist"
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response a week ago

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    Sometimes I laugh at things I shouldn't really

    laugh at...like when someone wipes out or has a nasty spill!!!I could go even deeper with this topic but I won't!;)
    Spitbak Spitbak 41-45, M 5 days ago

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    Ahhh! I saw a huge wolf spider in my room last

    night. I jumped up to kill it and the only thing that I could find was some glitter body spray, so I sprayed it!!!! now the little fool won't stop twerking and is demanding that I call it Candy!?!?!?
    Serendipitydoda Serendipitydoda 46-50, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    BJGiff BJGiff 46-50, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 36 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    What if Santa Claus was an Atheist?

    After all, doesn't he looks like a gay Charles Darwin dressed up in pajamas? Nahhhhh, the imaginary Santa is too kind, too generous, and too tolerant, to be an Atheist
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 17 Responses Jan 1

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    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    Hello! I am doing a 10k run on October 4th 2015,

    for british heart foundation. I am doing this because i am a survivor of a heart disease, and would like to raise awareness and also support the people that helped me survive. My goal is £500 (UK), and i was wondering if your from the UK, if you would be kind enough to donate...
    amylouexoh amylouexoh 16-17, F 5 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    scott9677 scott9677 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I have a weird, twisted,

    and/or good sense of humor. If you watched happy tree friends on Netflix you'd know why.
    LFMB LFMB 13-15, F 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    ive made some Indian bread,

    naan for me thanks
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    just realized the sound of nature is the sound

    of millions of insects, birds and animals desperately trying to get laid
    kunfirekun kunfirekun 22-25, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    If your last name was Nutz

    and you had a son would you name him Harry?
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    They say a watched pot never boils,

    which is especially true when you forget to turn the burner on.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    I like that boulder,

    that is a nice boulder....
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    My friend was talking about politics

    and said he likes Bush. I said "If you like bush so much, why does you're girlfriend shave?" He then asked me how I knew his girlfriend shaves, and then there was an awkward silence.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    RogueLogic RogueLogic 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 13

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 7 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    I think Crocs are the best contraceptive

    invented. Who would get turned on seeing someone on those ?
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 17 Responses Jul 15

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 8

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    comlpicatedguy comlpicatedguy 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    thekingwizard thekingwizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    I have a heart of a lion

    and a lifetime ban from the zoo
    crangtang crangtang 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 25 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 33 Responses Feb 27

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted 26-30 17 Responses Mar 12

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    Beauty is different at 10 pm

    than at 2 am when the bar is closing.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    in honor of breast cancer awareness month

    coming in October I will be offering free professional breast exams. sign up sheet will be on my profile page. and of course if you like to avoid crowds free exams can be arranged for anytime. for all who are affected by this, I am apologizing up front (tee hee) now. this is a...
    Serendipitydoda Serendipitydoda 46-50, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    So I was eating my cereal

    and being chill and me mums boyfriend walks in the kitchen and he yelled at me for eating too loudly and I gave him a dirty look, so he decides to take the ******* bowl cereal and all and smash it into my face whilst screaming at me. Butttt later that day I had to clean mr cats...
    cicizzle cicizzle 16-17, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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