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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 93,822 People

    I want to steal a donut truck

    and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watchin cops chase a donut truck on the news.
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 29

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    I got 99 problems....

    . and theyre all due monday -.- #CollegeSucks
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 4 Responses Apr 4

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    There is nothing better then someone you can be

    weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
    deleted deleted 26-30 16 Responses Mar 18

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    A guy gets home early from work

    and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year...
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 5 Responses Dec 26, 2013

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    I ******* laugh at too much

    and some things aren't funny at all that other people laugh at lol if that makes sense
    lysschris lysschris 13-15, F 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    "I AM STRONG!!! I AM THE GREAT HUMONGOUS!

    !!!!!!" "Yes... yes we all know you're The Great Humongous..." "I was just saying." "Oh you're always just saying!"
    Mike389 Mike389 31-35, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    While I was being given a tour of a mental

    asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, “How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?” The doctor answered, “We have a standard test. We fill up a bathtub with water, then give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him or her to...
    rafael1983 rafael1983 31-35, M 5 Responses Jan 3

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    I can be normal.... ha.

    But who whats to do that?
    sicajae7 sicajae7 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 5

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    It's wonderful having a daft,

    childish sense of humour. Seeing the funny side of life, even if it's dark humour, helps me get through even the baddest of days.
    RicRaver RicRaver 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 4

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    broadwaybabe99 broadwaybabe99 13-15, F 4 Responses Mar 20

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    I am turned on by being humiliated,

    how unfortunate is that that I have to be completely humiliated to get off? Oh well, I'm looking for someone who enjoys humiliating, anybody? Inbox me!
    soontobesissy19 soontobesissy19 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 45 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 13 Responses 4 days ago

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    The guy next door just arrogantly challenged me

    to a water balloon fight..so i thought id write this as i wait for the water to boil..
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 6 Responses Mar 17

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    It would mean a lot to me

    if you Watch my YouTube vids CUTIESERAFINA http://youtu.be/n3bJbzLks8U
    cutieserafina cutieserafina 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 3

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    Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee...

    - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You lick your coffeepot clean. - You're the employee of the month at the...
    SilentBluemoon SilentBluemoon 36-40, F 5 Responses May 5, 2013

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    A small balding man storms into a local bar

    and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one...
    MaryRiddle3 MaryRiddle3 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 29

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    So I've been asked by a friend,

    "Why are you still single? You're 20 years old and haven't had a girlfriend? What are you looking for?" I answered, "Nothing special, I just want a kind and of course, pretty girlfriend." I chuckled. He asked again, "There are plenty of your type out there!" I replied with a...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 4 Responses a week ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 12 Responses Mar 1

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 28 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    suzannah98 suzannah98 16-17, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    meat1234 meat1234 41-45, M 4 Responses a week ago

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    Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to

    do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her a$$ Now his two front teeth are missing
    TrentKandinski TrentKandinski 18-21, M 3 Responses Mar 7

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    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F 1 day ago

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    I told my mom to move her purse

    because it was invading my personal space. HA! Heart if you get it.
    HeartOfNature HeartOfNature 13-15, F 3 Responses Apr 6

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    "There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow.

    " "She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow." "I had a nice lance that she sat upon." "The maiden from Stonebury who is also your mom." I love Jimmy from the new South Park game. Best song ever.
    KingLlnk KingLlnk 22-25, M Apr 9

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 2 Responses Apr 6

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    I am going to have a really bad day.

    . forgot half of my cloths at home.. and i'm travelling with friends..School trip....
    adrinnasweet adrinnasweet 18-21, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction)

    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” –Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 23 Responses Oct 13, 2011

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    When going on a roller coaster bring nuts

    and bolts with you, lean to the person in front of you and say: "Whoa dude, these came out of your seat!"
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 5 Responses Mar 1

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    TOP TEN WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE 10)

    Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''
    SparklyRain SparklyRain 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 5

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    I laugh out of no wear

    and than people look at me like is he crazy
    blueplasma blueplasma 13-15, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    The 12 Stages Of Drunkenness

    0 – Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet. 1 – Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being. 2 – Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse. 3 – Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 14 Responses Feb 9, 2012

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    Nashes13 Nashes13 22-25, M Apr 5

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    Stranger: "You have a nice face!

    " Me: "Thanks, my parents gave it to me."
    Lunarflowerrr Lunarflowerrr 22-25, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 24 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    Today I was driving around town looking at the

    different colors of cars ... And I decided to call then race cars you know back,white,red, brown, etc... Do you think some feel less accepted? Not liked just because of their color?
    Joysuny1 Joysuny1 51-55, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    True Story: I was about to get into shower an

    hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second before I started to untie the cord to my robe ... and suddenly she was gone
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 8 Responses Mar 29

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    My friend thinks he's smart.

    He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 5 Responses Mar 1

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    Just remember every time you don't re rack the

    weights at the gym..Justin Bieber writes a new song
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 5 Responses Apr 3

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    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 10 Responses Feb 13

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    Do you enjoy traveling?

    Well, I guess you won't after you've seated next to me in a public transportation vehicle. I took a bus yesterday as I was going home, and to my surprise, the bus was already too full with passengers, nevertheless, I got on and stood in the middle aisle. It is there that I...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 2 Responses Apr 5

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    So my cousin and I haven't seen each other in

    years (she lives in Canada), we decided to Skype to know what the other one's doing, how's life going for us, you know, random stuff that people talk about. Me: So, you've got no work today? Her: Yeah, all alone and stuck at home with nothing to do but Skype with my cousin...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Divorce Hearing.

    A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Nov 20, 2013

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    New to this place...looks pretty interesting.

    ..with a side order of crazy...
    Bullbuddy Bullbuddy 31-35, M 5 Responses Apr 8

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    I have a less than average sense of humor

    but I live every minute of it
    Maddya Maddya 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    bad jokes crack me up better

    than a good joke
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 8 Responses a week ago

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    Yea. Anti jokes, creepy jokes,

    jokes that probably aren't considered jokes. I guess I'm just weird. Oh, yea we can't forget my horrible/loud laugh that really tops things off! 😂😂😂
    ashley359 ashley359 13-15, F 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    :/

    do I have to listen to maroon 1 2 3 and 4 before listening to maroon 5?
    jessvaughn24 jessvaughn24 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 66 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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