Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 138,950 People

    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was going through channels

    when I came across the Grinch (the Jim Carrey movie). It was towards the end of the movie, the part where the Grinch's heart grows. The first thing I see was a close up the Grinch's face, eyes closed and relaxed, and he looked like he was taking a ****. I couldn't help but...
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Not really......but I always hear people talk

    about Jennifer Lawrence. I'm like, "who the hell is Jennifer Lawrence?" So I did a little research and oh, she's the hunger games girl?? Wow, her make up artist did a fantastic job, they look nothing alike. @_@
    Togepi07 Togepi07 18-21, F 5 Responses 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Giorgos996 Giorgos996 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    -Yet another conversation between me

    and my friends late at night just being stupid- Him: I'm Italian, so it's okay for me to talk loud and get in other people's faces. Me: I'm Irish, so it's okay for me to talk loud, get in other people's faces, and drink so much that I throw up all over your pizza. Both of us...
    NaturallyPeculiar NaturallyPeculiar 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I posted on Facebook

    that my cat died. I was at the garage and a work friend told me that he was sorry to hear about my kitty cat. Another coworker overheard and ask what I did with the body. I said, "Why?....do you want it?" He was speechless for a moment. Turns out that he just wanted to know...
    saintmeaty saintmeaty 36-40, F 8 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Juggalooking Juggalooking 70+, M 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say

    that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.
    Stickboy1984 Stickboy1984 26-30, M 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Rick Astley would let you borrow any movie from

    his Pixar collection except one. He is never gonna give you UP.
    Batman328 Batman328 18-21, M 6 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 24 Responses Sep 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My answering machine: "Hi,

    I am sorry I've missed your call and I will call you back at my earliest convenience. Please leave you message after the swear word" *Beeeep*
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Nocturnes Nocturnes 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Society is like a stew.

    If you don't keep it stirred up, you get a lot of scum on top." (Edward Abbey)
    ColdMountain ColdMountain 61-65, M 2 Responses 14 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 16 Responses Jul 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So. I've created a new religion When we die,

    an otter swoops down from the floating pond. He picks us up, stores us in a clam and goes to the ocean, he then lies on a piece of driftwood in the middle of the ocean. The otter takes us out of the clam, puts us in the water and we become fish. That is the story of otter Jesus...
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 13 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 21 Responses Nov 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 29 Responses Dec 8

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 63 Responses Jun 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ColdMountain ColdMountain 61-65, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once someone knows me really well,

    it becomes easier for them to understand me... especially when I joke or when I don't even try lol, but most people find me humorous after getting to know me much better (: I open up overtime (: I have wicked thoughts that I don't act upon XD But just the other day, I thought...
    MsShortiie MsShortiie 18-21, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 8 Responses Oct 18

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never trust an institution claiming to be a

    meritocracy if it has no one funny-looking in important positions.
    ColdMountain ColdMountain 61-65, M 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Ranger5064 Ranger5064 46-50, M 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I think Dr Phil needs help.

    .coz the answers are quiet obvious...maybe he not getting some at home :P lol
    DarkSlayerX DarkSlayerX 26-30, M 4 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    *my boyfriend and I are wrapped in a

    blanket* Somebody dropped this burrito, cuz it's dirty!
    thatvegangirl thatvegangirl 18-21, F 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Let's play the turkey game: Rename a movie

    using the word 'turkey'. My Big Fat Greek Turkey
    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 164 Responses Nov 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This might sound racist,

    but all Christmas trees look alike to me.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I don't mind being dead from shooting too much

    heroin... in my best Eddie Vedder voice. what what. ..i know I know "too soon" right
    greeneyz83 greeneyz83 31-35, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    5 rules to remember in life: 1.

    Money cannot buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastards name. 3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only...
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    xPiZzaIsBaex xPiZzaIsBaex 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 8 Responses Dec 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 9 Responses Aug 19

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ElfonShelf ElfonShelf 41-45, F 4 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Weird doesn't quite seem to cover it actually.

    My sense of humour is pretty arrogant. I dunno, I seem to come across as totally up myself. I think. Haha. I guess that's because I am though. Isn't our humour just a reflection of who we are? Good thing I love myself, eh!
    OlicityShipper OlicityShipper 70+, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    News headlines: Daniel Radcliffe has been

    kidnapped. *whole family looks at me* Me: What? I'll feed him.
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When people laugh about something these days,

    it's usually about someone doing something stupid, or something rudely funny. Me? I laugh at random unexpected things. Such as a fart in complete silence. Or a weird hiccup in the middle of reading. Or possibly even a rat running across the floor at a court case. I don't know...
    ThatOneAsianDude ThatOneAsianDude 13-15, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A photon walks into a hotel.

    The lobby clerk asks "May I help you with your bags?" The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light". BAZINGA.
    deleted deleted 26-30 13 Responses Nov 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes I save random pictures of Prince on

    my phone...there always seems to be an occasion when I need to use it. I have used the Purple Rain album cover several times this week...
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In the country of The Blind,

    the one-eyed man is not king. The one-eyed man is in a freak show.
    ColdMountain ColdMountain 61-65, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses Nov 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel