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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 134,254 People

    i learned a valuable lesson about choosing your

    words im telling jokes to my 5 year old cousin asks me how im so funny my exact words were:whenever i feel a joke coming i just let it out. he then asks if he can try and i said sure he then fulls the weirdest face ever and farts so hard i think he crapped himself i now always...
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 15 hrs ago

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    from now on I am gonna make

    as many blond friends as possible :D(P.S. not trying to discriminate or be offencive its just for humor...if you feel uncomfertable..let me know and  I will delete it)
    DarkXtecy DarkXtecy 26-30, M 4 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

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    Dont hate me cuz i have

    so many tattoos, hate me cuz your girlfriend likes them....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 10 Responses Aug 19

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    Next time a bully asks you

    for your lunch money, tell him you left it on his mothers dresser...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    No, its not technically sign language,

    its my @sshole antenna and youre coming in load and clear...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 hrs ago

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    I dont know about you guys,

    but if my life was as fabulous as some people on fcbk claim theirs is, i doubt id have time to post about it every 10 f#cking minutes...although going to the gym is a f#cking amazing accomplishment....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 hrs ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    If you've never jumped from one couch to

    another to avoid lava, then you never had a childhood.
    eyumscloset eyumscloset 16-17, F 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    Ladies the next time some skinny broad comments

    on your weight, tell her: "its just my "sexy overflowing"..., as opposed to the way yours is completely hidden inside a curveless, bony, vomiting sh!tsack, bye now"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 4 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    People find my sense of humor.

    because its either. 1.Dirty. 2. Rude. 3.Why referenced. 4. Thats plain weird.
    ShhhAnon ShhhAnon 16-17, F 2 hrs ago

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    Bumgarner? Bumgarner?

    It sounds like an agricultural word for a bad harvest.
    Uncleleo Uncleleo 56-60, M 2 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 8 Responses Aug 28

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    PanicDream PanicDream 18-21, F 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Im going to start deleting people from facebook

    who i think might hashtag my wedding if i i ever get married...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    So a girl I'm talking to tells me her favorite

    song of ALL TIME is one that came out a couple weeks ago...... time to cut ties right?
    AreYouDaft25 AreYouDaft25 31-35, M 12 Responses Oct 11

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Oct 18

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 7 Responses Aug 21

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    So I realised anyone one with tattoos can turn

    around and be like see this ink? Well I put the 'ink' in 'kinky' Hahaah I came up with this joke.. (No pun intended) and its cracked me up ever since
    catho catho 18-21, F 6 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    You know..once you hate someone everything they

    do is offensive... Can you believe that bastard?! breathing air like he owns the place"...
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    The problem with hopes flying high is

    that they get caught up in power lines and smell of fried chicken.
    invertedcocaine invertedcocaine 22-25, F 4 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    if there were adult cereals they would be

    named 50 shades of grain P**n flakes Special D F*cky charms am i missing any XD
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Guys who go downtown more,

    get more sandwiches made for them....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    I make stupid youtube videos

    that nobody enjoys. I crack myself up though. I'd love to make it somewhere being funny for other people.
    Dylannalyd811 Dylannalyd811 18-21, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 9 Responses May 6

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    When it comes to doggy,

    Im behind you %100...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 41 mins ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    Hey babe, you might not be the best looking

    girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 15 hrs ago

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    "get the hell off my property

    before i blast you so full of rock salt you crap margaritas" if you know where this is from i will buy you a drink
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 4 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 4 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    I accidentally sent "I'm

    so horny" instead of "I'm so corny" to my mom.. Uh oh
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 5 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    I didnt say i hated my boss,

    i said; i hope.she has her next period in a shark tank....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    Saying; "and sh!t" at the end of every sentence,

    makes anything sound gangster: "me and Brad are playing tennis in Malibu and sh!t"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 4 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 28 Responses Aug 26

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    stupid friend: what colour are mirrors?

    me: lets reflect on this
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    Hey are you an angel?

    Cuz when you fell, sh!t, something heaven, did it hurt? Oh hell just take your pants off....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    My friend said onions are the only food

    that make you cry. Well I threw a watermelon at her face.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 2 Responses 15 hrs ago