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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 147,684 People

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    My NY friends complain I never have to shovel

    in LA. Yeah? You think these heaps of broken dreams will get off the sidewalk themselves?
    herethereandeverywhere herethereandeverywhere 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 28 Responses Mar 14

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    I think I seen it all,

    until I watched this video of sock puppets covering Slayers "raining blood" https://youtu.be/JL6DDidh_SU
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    I'm off to see the wizard the wonderful Wizard

    of Oz because because because because of the wonderful things he does. I have no idea where that came from. But it's been stuck in my head all day. LOL
    lovlife777 lovlife777 46-50, M 10 hrs ago

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    I'd like to propose a toast: Here's to our wives

    and girlfriends, may they never meet.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 9 Responses Mar 14

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    Today I was over a relative's place.

    (They're judgemental and religious btw) We were watching HGTV and two guys are looking for a house together. They were brothers, but it wasn't clear at the time. So the relative makes a grossed out face and says, "I don't want to see some gay men!" and changes the channel. Then...
    KyrBella KyrBella 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 19 Responses Mar 12

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    me and my to bff's were

    so weird back then. One of them wanted to watch a show called "rottenheart" and i Tought She said heart valve (it sounds much funnier in norwegian) and me and the other friend ended up laughing on the floor with breathing problems, and things Get better! That friend starts to...
    s0ngb1rd s0ngb1rd 13-15, F 5 days ago

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    Sometime I should listen &.

    Think before I open my mouth
    chef59 chef59 51-55, M 20 hrs ago

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    how to make me happy: • make me food •

    buy me food • be food • food
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I'm have this weird sense of humor

    that one of my best friend (JG) understand and the another best friend (MC) don't... so, MC think is not funny be a son of Allah (it is a joke from JG and me), i mean, i think is hilarious that joke, but just with JG. I mean, MC do not like that joke because she think we...
    HEZED HEZED 18-21, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 10 Responses Jan 26

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    There's nothing sweeter

    than hearing a man say those three little words... "You were right."
    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 1 min ago

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    The life cycle is backwards!

    !! How great this would be if it happened like this...  
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 26

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    Women are like fruits.

    Every woman has her own unique taste and color. The problem is the men....They seem to love fruit salad XD
    herethereandeverywhere herethereandeverywhere 22-25, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    I had a physical today.

    I got stuck with so many needles, I thought I was in a Saw movie.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 6 days ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 4 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 20

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    My name is crystal meth Option.

    chose to not take responsibility for what needs to be done. Or do. I'm addictive and it's not difficult to see its hard habit to beat. It's value to some is greater then others. Let's not assume we would rather get high then choose what makes us happy. The sorrow comes from...
    Janisoneluv Janisoneluv 26-30, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    "I dream of a better tomorrow.

    .. where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned" ...I laughed longer then I should have when I read this...
    Scoodaloop Scoodaloop 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 46 Responses Feb 27

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    I am not sure this belongs here

    but here goes. Question: What is a sardine? Answer: It's a little bitty fish that smells like a finger.
    jynjyn jynjyn 13-15, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    I like when websites ask "HOW DID YOU HEAR

    ABOUT US?" Haha paranoid much?
    herethereandeverywhere herethereandeverywhere 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    I tried to form a gang once,

    it turned out to be a book club...
    FabulousGirl FabulousGirl 31-35, F 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    Here is my 8th speech from the Competent

    Communication manual about Hell. Enjoy muhahahaha!
    JourneyOfLife JourneyOfLife 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    The kids text me "plz"

    which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes" .
    tammy96 tammy96 46-50, M 23 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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