who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
and my friends late at night just being stupid-
Him: I'm Italian, so it's okay for me to talk loud and get in other people's faces.
Me: I'm Irish, so it's okay for me to talk loud, get in other people's faces, and drink so much that I throw up all over your pizza.
Both of us...
Money cannot buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastards name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only...
it becomes easier for them to understand me... especially when I joke or when I don't even try lol, but most people find me humorous after getting to know me much better (: I open up overtime (: I have wicked thoughts that I don't act upon XD
But just the other day, I thought...
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.
"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to...
And absolute truth. xD
Fine - Pissed of completely.
Five minutes - Half an hour.
Nothing - Definitely something.
I'm just tired - I'm upset. Hug me.
Go ahead - Don't even think about it!
Thanks - This is a legit apology.
Thanks a lot - This is NOT a legit apology. It is...
run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs. I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for. Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
that my cat died. I was at the garage and a work friend told me that he was sorry to hear about my kitty cat. Another coworker overheard and ask what I did with the body. I said, "Why?....do you want it?"
He was speechless for a moment.
Turns out that he just wanted to know...
I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..
She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
about Jennifer Lawrence. I'm like, "who the hell is Jennifer Lawrence?" So I did a little research and oh, she's the hunger games girl?? Wow, her make up artist did a fantastic job, they look nothing alike.
My sense of humour is pretty arrogant. I dunno, I seem to come across as totally up myself. I think. Haha. I guess that's because I am though. Isn't our humour just a reflection of who we are? Good thing I love myself, eh!