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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 109,512 People

    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 24 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    "when i die id like to go the way my grand

    father did. Peaceful in his sleep; Not screaming with fear like everyone else in the car"
    Zack607 Zack607 22-25, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    I remember being about 7

    and falling down flat on my bum. Everyone around me got all scared and said "Are you all right? Oh my gosh are you okay?!" I immediately started cracking up because I realized how hilarious it must have looked. The same kind of thing happened in the roller-blading unit in...
    HappyLilTyke HappyLilTyke 22-25 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 10 Responses Feb 13

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    When it's super hot outside,

    Me: "😫 Damn it's hotter than Harry Potter!!!" Person I'm with at the time : 😒 "that doesn't makes any sense" Me: 😒 "but it rhymes"
    LovelyLadyJ LovelyLadyJ 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 64 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I'm not sure why, but

    for whatever reason I just love seeing people get autocorrected, with the result being completely unrelated to the work the person is typing. For example, an f-bomb gets changed into duck.
    therealjeric therealjeric 16-17, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Stranger: "You have a nice face!

    " Me: "Thanks, my parents gave it to me."
    Lunarflowerrr Lunarflowerrr 22-25, F 6 Responses Apr 17

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    Littlewallflowerx Littlewallflowerx 16-17, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    I was in "that"aisle

    and my mother was a few steps away but I was being lazy so me being the awesome person that I am,I yelled at her "MOM DO YOU THINK ITS TIME FOR YOU TO STOP USING TAMPONS IF YOU KEEP PLUGGING IT UP ILL NEVER GET A BROTHER"😂😂 It was awesome my mom was mortified and I couldn...
    spanishcowboys4eva spanishcowboys4eva 16-17, F 11 Responses May 6

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    What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

    Lean beef What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
    t1dus10 t1dus10 22-25, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Have y'all seen the anti-jokes?

    Example: "Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house?" "It's really nice!"
    Jeffinga2012 Jeffinga2012 51-55, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    A guy gets home early from work

    and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year...
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 5 Responses Dec 26, 2013

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    I find it funny how everything you say becomes

    p3rv3rted when you add: "if you know what I mean" and a grin. "Hi, I'm Ansonicchi, if you know what I mean." *grin* "Here's your today's paper, if you know what I mean." *grin* "I'm going to the bathroom, if you know what I mean." *grin* "Wanna have lunch? If you know what I...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 8 Responses Jun 16

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    MiriamL MiriamL 22-25 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    My little brother is in

    that stage of growth where he finds every word that has a cuss word within it hilarious. my mother told us to help her furnish the house except she said furnish it and being the dweeb he is he started laughing saying furni-**** -_-
    jesikahluv jesikahluv 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I accidentally made a dirty phone call to KFC.

    Last few times I went there I got these tiny pieces of chicken. I called and asked "how big are your breasts?" The words were out of my mouth before my brain said "don't ask that!" The lady who answered the phone hung up on me.
    pardax pardax 13-15, M 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 33 Responses Jul 16

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    I am moving on and becoming a new person.

    .to all the people i owe money too...im sorry but i have moved on now
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    CLUB RULES 1. fish for a bae,

    they are usually a lot in these waters 2. if your booty is "dropping down low", please pick it up so no one trips on it 3. when in doubt shrek it out 4. I-G-G-Why would you not be turning up to this song 5. fry some eggs, make everyone feel welcome 6. that is not red wine you...
    lxathing lxathing 13-15, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    I just taught my 5 year old sister how to twerk

    because we were bored... Funniest thing ever!
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 21 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Ok so I had just gotten on this site

    and they're was this guy who wouldn't leave me alone. He was so irritating he kept asking for pictures of my underwear soaked with *** so I got fed up and took a pair of my sister's panties and put conditioner mixed with water in them and sent him a pic of it. He totally...
    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    True Story: I was about to get into shower an

    hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second before I started to untie the cord to my robe ... and suddenly she was gone
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 8 Responses Mar 29

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    If you fall off of a skyscraper go limp

    and pretend you're a dummy. Someone might see you and say "Hey look, Free dummy" then they might try to catch you.
    pardax pardax 13-15, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    There is nothing better then someone you can be

    weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
    deleted deleted 26-30 15 Responses Mar 18

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    When I talk to myself out loud I call myself by

    another name so people think I'm talking to an imaginary person. Ha! My roommates think I'm weird lol
    LovelyLadyJ LovelyLadyJ 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    'Will you be the thymine to my adenine?

    Applications are now open'
    moonziggy moonziggy 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I wanted to see if I could figure out how to

    cook an egg in the microwave. All I ended up doing was cleaning up a mess.
    pardax pardax 13-15, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    lexa2041 lexa2041 13-15, F 5 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    I laugh at random things,

    gross out things, goofy things, dark humor, and insults (not seriously offensive but still Comedy Central roast like humor)
    Dayzdreamer Dayzdreamer 26-30, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    You know that one friend

    that always has to be better, to be smarter, and funnier than everyone else in the room? = "Doug" I love messing with Doug, just so easy. Just agree profusely to all the bullshit he says. "Oh ya? For realsies?! Whaaaat? You fought a tiger!! Noooo f'ing way you're da besties...
    alam88 alam88 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    Scenario/Question: True story: I went to a

    routine physical last year on my birthday, which is on Halloween. My doctor, a young female doctor, was dressed as a housewife with curlers and a robe. We got through all the routine stuff quickly enough. Then she sat on a stool and wheeled herself over to me and asked me to...
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    So I was at work hanging out with a couple of

    coworkers and one of them left for a sec. I started joking to the one who stayed about how I think the other one is evil and she's really weird. I mean, who wouldn't find that funny? Lol she just gave me a weird look and asked why I would say something like that. Apparently she...
    jeyy90 jeyy90 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I like watch satelite Tv comedy.

    Some people think Family Guy Simpsons part 2 but I think very funny. And English version office funnier than American one
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 4 days ago

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    If Lil' Wayne's first name was Damian,

    all would be right with the universe.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 66 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction)

    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” –Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 18 Responses Oct 13, 2011

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    suzannah98 suzannah98 16-17, F 3 Responses Apr 14

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    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    What's black and white

    and if it falls out of a tree will kill you? ---- a piano
    t1dus10 t1dus10 22-25, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Balloons are weird. Like Happy Birthday.

    Here is a plastic sack full of my breath.