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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 170,721 People

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    "Jessica you can't go with me

    unless you put pants on"
    jexiccaa jexiccaa 18-21, F 4 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    xkmb xkmb 56-60 1 Response Jan 28

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    Trust me, as a Sikh man you never wanna hear a

    Singhni say to you... "Singh, can you like tie your dastaar properly, please..." And am like "Can mind your own Business, please?" ESPECIALLY when you dnt know her.
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M Jan 30

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    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 7 Responses Jan 27

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    Squatlife Squatlife 18-21, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Geekjunk Geekjunk 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20, 2015

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    I don't know today I read this book about this

    EMO guy and now I can't help but think "I want an EMO boyfriend or bestfriend" 😂😳??
    dyingflower16 dyingflower16 16-17, F Jan 28

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    Beer: Making guys think

    that they can dance for centuries.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 3 Responses Jan 29

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 12, 2015

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    IS THIS NOT HOW EVERY YOUTUBE STORYTIME VIDEO

    LOOKS LMAOO also I will be posting a satirical storytime probably tomorrow or Friday so yeah stay posted and pls subscribe to my channel https://youtu.be/R2s3faOLvN0
    yukongoldpotato yukongoldpotato 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 28

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    Most of my jokes fall flat with people.

    I suppose that's because I don't find sexual and offensive jokes amusing and don't use them. Because of that, I kinda prefer pranks. I actually "Tigger bounced" one of my friends, scared him half to death.
    Machina24 Machina24 18-21, M 4 Responses Jan 31

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    Does anyone else get splash-back on your

    sphincter when a really big poop drops in the toilet? Happens to me sometimes; makeshift bidet.
    NoReasonToLiveForMe NoReasonToLiveForMe 18-21, M 1 day ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 46-50, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I do . I will laugh at the craziest things ,

    and stuff that my friends don't find funny at all
    Itsmemario717 Itsmemario717 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 24 Responses Mar 14, 2015

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    I laugh at some things

    that I probably shouldn't laugh at :/
    Sicgoat173 Sicgoat173 16-17, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Jan 8, 2015

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    63 earths can fit in Uranus.

    64 if you really relax.
    Mucatra Mucatra 18-21, M 1 day ago

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    I lost my teeth in a bike accident

    while impressing someone!!!!
    fahad7khan fahad7khan 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 30

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    Newconvo1 Newconvo1 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 30

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    bigunsatx bigunsatx 36-40, M 4 Responses a week ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 17 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 18-21, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    bigunsatx bigunsatx 36-40, M 7 Responses Feb 1

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 26-30, F 30 Responses Feb 27, 2015

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    deleted deleted 26-30 14 Responses Mar 13, 2015

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    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 4 Responses Feb 2

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    When a male writes a story on EP,

    he gets a heart. When a female writes a story on EP, she gets 20 hearts, 60 responses, 30 boxes of chocolates and 2 wedding proposals.
    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 10 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Another hookup hazard

    that we could learn from: When considering on saying 'Yes' to a match, never assume that a generous-sized c*ck doesn't come with an annoyingly humongous d*ckhead.
    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 2 Responses Feb 1

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 23, 2015

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    I'm thinking about changing the brand of

    bottled water I drink. I really need to start stepping outside of my comfort zone.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 2 Responses Jan 28

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    You all have been lied to.

    Blue cheese, it's not really blue.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    It was absolutely absurd how the camera pointed

    to Josh Norman crying at the end of the Superbowl. They must of thought Twitter was going to ignore it.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 1 day ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 17 Responses Jan 1, 2015

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 6 Responses Mar 3, 2015

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    Hey guys x) Why'd Sally fall off the swing?

    Cause she had no arms!! Knock knock Who's there? Not sally you selfish arm having bastard ! My dad told me this and i laugh so hard just thinking about it hahahaha
    MaeEmlynn MaeEmlynn 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 28

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 35 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    I think Crocs are the best contraceptive

    invented. Who would get turned on seeing someone on those ?
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 11 Responses Jul 15, 2015

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 26-30, F 12 Responses Feb 26, 2015

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 16 Responses Mar 9, 2015

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    To do is to be - Nietzsche To be is to do -

    Kant Do be do be do - Sinatra D'oh - Simpson
    WhereIsMyBeard WhereIsMyBeard 26-30, T Feb 2