I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use...

Do Las Vegas Churches accept  gambling chips? THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE  OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES  THAN CASINOS. NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT...

When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the...

An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. 

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.. 

She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy...

More often then not...it seems my jokes tend to backfire on me in spectacular ways…Michief makers beware… I love to mess up little jokes and pranks when you try and pull one on me-that is only if I see a set up coming…which isn...

NO JOKE (although that would be very fitting of this group). I'm always the person who laughs the loudest, the wierdest, the longest, the most hysterical. My voice stands out in a crowd. When I have a sore throat and I sound like the...

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a...

I have been looking for employment for a few weeks and of course almost everything is done online. What kills me is that some places do not allow you to upload a resume and you have to fill out the same questions over and over and over...

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
–Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
–Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a...

0 – Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.

1 – Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.

2 – Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.

3...

Ok…I admit...It isn’t a statistical anomaly at all. I just like to call it that…because doing so makes my day seem a little more fun and adventurous when interesting and funny things happen...like:

Meeting the same slowly...

Two hicks walk into a pub. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their

moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that...

Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the...

A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket...

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of...

Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute.

Two Mischievous Brothers

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town...

I realised this when my friends, family and colleagues who all bought separate birthday cards for me ALL mentioned how sarcastic I was. That's 54 cards mentioning sarcasm, and quite a few birthday emails and e cards would make that...

i'm one of those people who think that thing that shouldn't be funny are funny. lately its gone from kind of messed up to just plain fucked up.

Yesterday I saw a video called "Kid in Cockpit" on YouTube and its so fucked up and...

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha