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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 150,544 People

    I've always wondered about the guy

    who named superheroes ya know. . .Like. . . OK You are Batman, check. . . and you are Wonder Woman, check. . . .and you are Spiderman, check . . (.then he took a hit of acid ) OK Green Lantern . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    I guess I have to agree with my wife .

    . . .I do have too much time on my hands . . . . 
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 10 hrs ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I sometimes feel like i'm the only one

    who laughs. I like to see the bright side of everything and nothing beats a good laugh. I laugh in awkward situations because i think its hilarious. I laugh at people who try too hard because its just funny. I like to laugh.
    BiggerIsBetter44 BiggerIsBetter44 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 26

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 18 Responses Mar 12

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 8 Responses Mar 3

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    My Grandson came running in the other day

    and said "Gramps , I got a joke for you . . ." "OK" I said . . .He says "OK , these three Polish guys go walking into this bar right ". . .I said "Hey Hey Hey , dont use ethnic terms when telling a joke , you could hurt some ones feelings, what I use is KLINGONS, that way...
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

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    Knock knock..... Who's there?

    Bear..... Bear who? Bear hiney! As told to me by my 5 year old, I was the only one who laughed, well, other than my 5 year old.
    Texasparamedic410 Texasparamedic410 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

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    I've noticed lately that lol really means I

    have nothing else to say. LOLOLOL
    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 4 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    I've got this stuck in my head .

    ... Krusty krab pizza, is the pizza, for you and me :)
    sancjo88 sancjo88 26-30, M 2 days ago

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    Man oh man . . .when my wife said we were

    having "Period Features" added to the house . . . .I didnt know these people would be stopping by once a month. . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 11 hrs ago

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    I often wonder: am I thinking with my balls,

    or are my balls thinking with me? Anyone?
    NHKK NHKK 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 26

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    My neighbor's a moron.

    . . I asked him why he has a Telescope pointed at the lady's house across the street. . . He said he was studying a broad. . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    I have a friend who is part black

    and part Japanese. . . .every December 7th . . .he goes out and bombs Pearl Baily
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 42 Responses Feb 27

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Captain booger researcher had power.

    Seargeant time keeper didnt. The world blew up. Because the captain ignored reports. That times gave hints. Of the end here. By oil drilling. And factories free to pollute for a decade.
    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 12 hrs ago

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    My neighbor's a moron .

    . .he thinks Roe Versus Wade are the two most popular ways to get across the Potomac. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    deersa deersa 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Ever since I was a kid I have questioned

    authority . . .for instance. . . .How does anyone know every snow flake is unique . . . .like who's gonna check. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 11 hrs ago

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    Has anybody seen that new documentary thats

    out. . . . . about white trash?. . . I just saw the trailer.. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 6 hrs ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    is in a room full of IDIOTS!

    Wait ... I'm home alone! ;)
    teddybear420 teddybear420 26-30, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    "Yes, I'd like a venti skinny soy half-sweet

    one-pump caramel macchiato half-caff extra whip, please.", , , ,,Uh sir we only have Pepsi. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    I guess I have to agree with my wife.

    . . .I do have too much time on my hands . . . .so to speak. . . 
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 10 hrs ago

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    I have a joke, whats the difference between a

    white baby and a black baby, one is addicted to crack and the other is loved 😂😂😂
    Thatguyisme Thatguyisme 26-30 1 Response 2 days ago

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    What's the different between a Ferrari

    and a load of dead babies? ..I don't have a Ferrari in my garage
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Oh, oh, oh, I got a reply !

    ! Oh yeah, it was just me finishing up a comment in a subsequent message because I'm not ept enough to effectively use an app :/ derrrr
    JessicaDale JessicaDale 51-55 19 hrs ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    "I have a knife, and my ****,

    but I'm only going to stick one of them inside you tonight" Something that my bestfriend Calvin told me that for some reason made me die laughing. (Sorry if the language offends anyone)
    LostInElizabeth LostInElizabeth 16-17, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    My friend is part black

    and part Japanese . . ..every December 7th. . . . . he goes out and bombs Pearl Baily. . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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