you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't...
run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
My lethal brat woke.
Me raced to make the brat sleep.
And kathleen madigan helped.
She has a skit about alcohol.
And sedating lethal brat matches.
Ssshhh. No. No. Sleep sleep.
Nobody needs attacked by lightbulb.
You can criticize...
who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs. I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for. Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
day. If I'm driving down the road I'll sing songs in a ****** up voice and change the lyrics around to amuse myself. Sometimes I give myself the finger in the mirror all non blinking and game faced and laugh and laugh. So stupid.
just stumbled upon it, but listen to this ****:
"From the instant "Yonkers" begins, that creepy, paranoid chord makes us glance over our shoulders, anticipating a raised knife ready to be plunged into our backs. Tyler intensifies the reaction by introducing a shaky synth that...
An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..
She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...