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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 136,591 People

    A photon walks into a hotel.

    The lobby clerk asks "May I help you with your bags?" The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light". BAZINGA.
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Nov 5

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    Fact: no woman has ever killed a man

    while he was washing the dishes...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 7 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    I wonder if clouds look down at us

    and say: "hey, look, that ones shaped like an idiot"?....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why test on animals when we have pedophiles,

    rapists, and murderers in prison? Duh
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    The more of it you EAT.

    ..the more of IT you'll GET...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 16 hrs ago

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    busy watching supernatural season 10 episode

    5 Sam and Dean investigate a school and the drama department is making a musical fan fiction about their lives throughout the series and the only thought that passed through my head is " fan fictions do come true" after that episode was finished all I could say was "please let...
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 1 day ago

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 24 Responses Sep 19

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    It's so cold outside I accidentally keyed

    someone's car with my niipples. Lmao.
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dear Sidewalk ,, please get wider .

    .. Sincerely : the third friend walking behind feeling excluded :'( XD
    TitiChocolate TitiChocolate 18-21, F 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I yet a again saw EPAllie's profile pic

    somewhere, but for some reason read it as "EPA I Lie" and started laughing. I probably should sleep soon. :p
    LOMD LOMD 31-35, M 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    This should not have been

    as funny as it was.But my god, FLIPPERS! 
    Ginkofishin Ginkofishin 18-21, F 5 hrs ago

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    Smoking weed doesnt make you cool,

    but if you smoke.weed youre probably cool...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I hate how spiders just sit on the walls

    and act like they pay rent! Jeesh gotta pet them with a shoe
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 1

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    Why do they have toilet paper commercials?

    Like, who ISNT buying it!?
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 17 hrs ago

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    If potatoes are a vegetable

    and gravy is a dressing, then technically im eating a salad right now....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 15 hrs ago

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    True happiness is never having to say: "damn,

    i should have eaten that"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    I dont know why some women complain,

    they have half the money and ALL the p#ssy, what more could anyone possibly want?!?
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    Most useless superpowers?

    (made up ones, not existing ones ;) ) i will start off the list with this: Ability to tell if anyone sneezed in a 10 mile radius
    eriongtk eriongtk 26-30, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26

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    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

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    G_ F_CK Y_ _ RS_LF.

    ...would you like to buy a vowel?....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 10 Responses Oct 23

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Fact: guys who help around the house,

    cook, open doors, pull out chairs, carry heavy things, kill spiders, and bring home flowers NEVER hear: "not tonight i have a headache"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 10 Responses Aug 19

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    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    A conversation between my friends

    and I- Her: I can't believe I forgot my jacket. -Insert name of male friend here-, do you have something big for me? Him: *winks* I definitely have something big for you. Me: Whoa now, that's just wrong. You don't just ask men if they have something big for you. Her: Not...
    NaturallyPeculiar NaturallyPeculiar 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    invertedcocaine invertedcocaine 22-25, F 9 Responses Nov 10

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 16 hrs ago

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    *me texting my step-bro* me : how was your

    flight ? bro's phone : this is his Gf , who are you exactly ? , ***** , why are you texting my man ? me : okay , first of all stop calling yourself his "girlfriend" to make yourself feel better than the other girls -_- ,, we all know ya ain't official so don't flatter yourself...
    TitiChocolate TitiChocolate 18-21, F 8 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

    Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 12 Responses Nov 10

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    The closest i came to a 4.

    0 in school was my blood-alcohol-level...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 16 hrs ago

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    when people ask "how tough are you ?

    " XD ps .. CUTENESS OVERLOAD !!!!!!! 
    TitiChocolate TitiChocolate 18-21, F 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    xPiZzaIsBaex xPiZzaIsBaex 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    Me: My gynecologist said I can't have sex

    for 2 weeks. Boyfriend: What did your dentist say?
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 2

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    I can find humor in the silliest of places!

    I also think its necessary for some situations... Even bad ones at times and with the right people.
    YouKnowItMakesSense YouKnowItMakesSense 31-35, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 63 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    that awkward moment when you want the WiFi

    password but you don't ask cuz you don't wanna look like an ******* xD please tell me I'm not the only one
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 7 Responses Oct 18

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10