should go out sometime
Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
who named superheroes ya know. . .Like. . . OK You are Batman, check. . . and you are Wonder Woman, check. . . .and you are Spiderman, check . . (.then he took a hit of acid ) OK Green Lantern . . . .
. . . They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. . . . .
out. . . . . about white trash?. . . I just saw the trailer.. . . .
there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
who say I just have too much time on my hands . . .so to speak. . . .
while you are on hold . . . .which would be worse . . . .doing this boring job . . . .or having the job title of "Deboner". . . .it almost sounds French. . . .
*Boy throws bag out the window*
Teacher: Who threw that?
Boy: Me, I`m going home.
. .I swear I'm getting off this couch and go to the bedroom and take a nap
resume: "I love working with people"
as loud as it will go. . . .it drives the mime next door nuts. . . .
go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
instead of WebMD . . . . and it told me I have Gary Busey. . . . .
. . so I went to the Hardware store . . . .picked up a crescent wrench. . . .and then proceeded to run up and down each aisle. . . .while yelling . . . "This Is Not A Drill !"
Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
and told her to call me when she gets home..
She must be homeless.
empty stomach. . . . . . and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7.
The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
. ."Windows frozen". . .I texted back "Pour warm water on em".. . . She texted back . . "Now computer doesnt turn on at all !"
run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
. .Yesterday he got a new job and he told me all he does is drive around picking up Mexican chicks all day. . . . .Today he drove his work truck home . . . .
girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl
boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy
girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly
boy: i know what i said
but it can muffle its sound.
. . .Should'nt marijuana dispensaries be called grass stations?
was adopted . . . I was 17 and they said , "Ken , you were adopted !" , I said "Really ? " They said , , ,"Yes, and They'll be here in 5 minutes . . . ."
. . .But , What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?
-finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours
-goes to bed
that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
. . .boy was i so scared. . . .I think it's because I was alone . . . .
. . I was in a parallel universe. . . and nobody could park. . . .
"69" was just another number..
When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs. I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for. Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
Angeles in 4 hours . . .Now a different train traveled from Los Angeles to San Fransisco in 8 hours . . . .this proves that the train leaving Los Angeles was half fast
The Bachelor is the show that answers the question . . . "How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he'd make a good husband?". . . .
ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
. . I asked him why he has a Telescope pointed at the lady's house across the street. . . He said he was studying a broad. . .
Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
changed the term Indian from a slang to something worshipped in sports, then reminded everyone and destroyed all the effort from their forefathers. crazy to think.