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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 161,276 People

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    If your last name was Nutz

    and you had a son would you name him Harry?
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 16 Responses Mar 9

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    thekingwizard thekingwizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    They say a watched pot never boils,

    which is especially true when you forget to turn the burner on.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    BJGiff BJGiff 46-50, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    What happened when the cow jumped over the

    barbed wire fence? Udder Destruction hahahahaha
    crangtang crangtang 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    Ahhh! I saw a huge wolf spider in my room last

    night. I jumped up to kill it and the only thing that I could find was some glitter body spray, so I sprayed it!!!! now the little fool won't stop twerking and is demanding that I call it Candy!?!?!?
    Serendipitydoda Serendipitydoda 46-50, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I'm watching The Grudge 2 with Canterbury

    and Jarpad. Canterbury isn't impressed. She's a diva!
    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic 36-40, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    What if Santa Claus was an Atheist?

    After all, doesn't he looks like a gay Charles Darwin dressed up in pajamas? Nahhhhh, the imaginary Santa is too kind, too generous, and too tolerant, to be an Atheist
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    My teenage cousin told me she thought a crotch

    rocket was some kind of sex toy! I'm dying...
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 3 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I have a weird, twisted,

    and/or good sense of humor. If you watched happy tree friends on Netflix you'd know why.
    LFMB LFMB 13-15, F 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    just realized the sound of nature is the sound

    of millions of insects, birds and animals desperately trying to get laid
    kunfirekun kunfirekun 22-25, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Sometimes I laugh at things I shouldn't really

    laugh at...like when someone wipes out or has a nasty spill!!!I could go even deeper with this topic but I won't!;)
    Spitbak Spitbak 41-45, M 6 days ago

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    hahaha hey here's a joke What do you a nun in

    a wheel chair? Virgin mobile
    crangtang crangtang 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 25 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    in honor of breast cancer awareness month

    coming in October I will be offering free professional breast exams. sign up sheet will be on my profile page. and of course if you like to avoid crowds free exams can be arranged for anytime. for all who are affected by this, I am apologizing up front (tee hee) now. this is a...
    Serendipitydoda Serendipitydoda 46-50, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 36 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip

    cookies are the reason I have trust issues..
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 4 Responses a week ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 17 Responses Jan 1

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    I like that boulder,

    that is a nice boulder....
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    You know you need a shower

    when you get undressed and can smell your own balls.
    mslvr01 mslvr01 46-50, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 13 Responses Feb 26

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    ive made some Indian bread,

    naan for me thanks
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    scott9677 scott9677 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I have a heart of a lion

    and a lifetime ban from the zoo
    crangtang crangtang 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    I think the term "bigot" is overrated,

    I think it should be replaced with the word "atheist"
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response a week ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I think Crocs are the best contraceptive

    invented. Who would get turned on seeing someone on those ?
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 17 Responses Jul 15

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    But if I see that Go Daddy commercial with the

    chubby red hair lady doing that stupid dance again I'm gonna shove a fork in my eye.
    BJGiff BJGiff 46-50, M 4 days ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    comlpicatedguy comlpicatedguy 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    My sleep schedule gets ****** more

    than I ever will .-.
    aprisonerofazkaban aprisonerofazkaban 22-25, F 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 7 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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