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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 126,334 People

    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    Staying up way too late watching ridiculous

    videos. I love it, though. But after this one, it's bedtime.    
    LEMONrelishthemusic LEMONrelishthemusic 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 10 Responses Aug 28

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    Back when I was doing data entry at SourceHOV,

    a woman was sitting on my left, and a man was sitting on my right. The man often flirted with the woman with me right between them, so I started to become a cockblock. He would try to flirt with her, and I'd interrupt him to ask the woman a question. This went on for some time...
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 9 hrs ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 42 Responses Jul 16

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    How t deal with grammar nazi!

    !! Grammar nazi being a pain? Do they all end up being posh after reading your bad spellings?! Perhaps they see your age n guess what is what will b yer Inglish results at scool??? SOLUTION!!!Instead of there/ their, use "Dere." For its it's try "Tis." Your you're use "Yer...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    This IS my breakfast music baby!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhE5i1KOrtI
    FreezerDog1 FreezerDog1 18-21, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    Okay, okay so listen πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ He said: Books

    or me. I sometimes remember him when I'm buying new books. LOL. This is so freaking genius!
    2wrp 2wrp 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    Sometimes, when a girl goes on about how great

    her boyfriend is, I'll say to her, "You're boyfriend sounds awesome. Is he single?" It usually leads to an awkward silence.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    LEMONrelishthemusic LEMONrelishthemusic 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    "I know this isn't a good time,

    but, I gotta go..."WARNING: It's gross.  
    LEMONrelishthemusic LEMONrelishthemusic 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    IΒ laughed so hard atΒ this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    And i grin or laugh at inappropiate times.

    When i am doing something, i think of all the things that may go wrong and giggle like a lunatic on my own. And i love sarcasm. I find it amusing.
    Zim0 Zim0 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, β€œthe card is up his sleeve” or β€œhe hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    How do you get 100000 trees into a car

    Put them in the ash tray XD
    Timbersaw Timbersaw 70+, M 4 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    When you see a ice cream truck www.

    youtube.com/watch?v=64ULQCvz3BQ
    Potato4Life Potato4Life 16-17, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    minioreosarebomb minioreosarebomb 22-25, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD πŸ‘…πŸ™
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    My sense of humour would be normal probably

    for an American but for a Finn I'm really really weird.
    80sRockLover 80sRockLover 22-25, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I just got back from a doctor's visit.

    The doc said I should stop mast*rbating. I asked why and he said, ''because I'm trying to examine you.''
    buggyjuggy buggyjuggy 41-45, F 15 Responses 5 days ago

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    As a man, I find slicing a stick of pepperoni

    can be painful for me, especially when I accidentally slice my penis instead of the pepperoni.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I love to hear a woman complain about her socks

    falling down in her shoes all day...or even cuter if she doesn't mind if it happens...hahaha
    whyevenask21 whyevenask21 22-25, M 3 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Sometimes I feel like the hulk

    when I miscalculate how much effort something will take.
    danaclaire21 danaclaire21 13-15, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I must have a weird sense of humor

    because this video had me in tears (laughing)! Though, at the end of it, I felt slightly unsettled...? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwQdFlCShag
    RedOctagon RedOctagon 22-25, F 5 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    I used to be butthurt,

    but then I farted, relieving the stress from my ***.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Three (3) guys are walking down the street.

    Two (2) of them walk right into a bar. The third (3rd) one ducks. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
    That76Dude That76Dude 36-40, M 4 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 9 Responses Aug 17

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    My friends say my humor

    and sarcasm don't match my facial expression πŸ˜• but then they say that's what makes it so funny
    PartyPat2336 PartyPat2336 16-17 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 26 Responses Aug 26

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 29 Responses Jul 16

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    I got these cheeseburgers www.

    youtube.com/watch?v=H_4nupAxvNw
    Potato4Life Potato4Life 16-17, M 13 hrs ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    disciple556 disciple556 26-30, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    My boyfriend decided to tell my circle of

    friends about how we jokingly plan to convince our kids that if you like someone, you must do a mating ritual. It involves a head-dress, standing on one leg, waving your arms, and "cawing" at them. According to my friends, they had no idea my rosy cheeks could turn purple with...
    Funyun77 Funyun77 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Ok, I don't exactly know

    where to post this. But recently in my area there was an automobile accident involving a male and female. Apparently the girl overdosed and the boyfriend was rushing to the hospital. He flipped the car on a tight turn and they both died. Now, when I was informed by a family...
    Patrikios Patrikios 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Probably my favorite scene from any movie,

    ever. What an appetite.  
    LEMONrelishthemusic LEMONrelishthemusic 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Two peanuts were walking down the street

    and one was a salted. LOL
    lookingtovent lookingtovent 16-17, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.Β  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.Β  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 66 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010