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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 145,024 People

    I think swearing is funny

    and my friend doesn't and I swear all the time so it's hard not to. For fun I copy her and today she told on me but She was laughing when I was copying her and now she is mad at me I mean really WTF!!!
    Lolatux Lolatux 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 20

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    zay95 zay95 18-21, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 21 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    In the immortal words of Eric Idle from the

    Bruces sketch. quite frankly we find your American beer a little like making love in a canoe. It's ******* close to water.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 12

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Millerbabe17 Millerbabe17 16-17, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Here's a joke for you: There's a little boy

    sitting in his grandfathers lap and the grandfather is smoking a cigar and the little boy asks if he can have a puff of his cigar and grandfather replies does your **** touch your ******* and the boy said no and grandfather says then you can't have a puff of my cigar. A couple...
    mack35 mack35 18-21, F 11 Responses 5 days ago

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    Kids these days : "I cut my wrists cuz i have

    a sore throat!" hahahahah They be like "death... despair.... Ouch! I got a paper cut!" hahahahahaha
    NobodyFrvr NobodyFrvr 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 34 Responses Sep 13, 2014

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    The Foreman of my construction company comes to

    me, folds his big muscly arms and stares at me. I merely fold my hands and smile, "Yes?" "Boss!" He says abit too loud. "I demand a raise..." I keep my smile and accept... *Next scene* The Foreman of my company is now dangling down from a crane truck that's probably raised 0...
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    But seriously........

    It's ridiculous cold.
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 12 Responses 5 days ago

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    In front of all the guests my GF says to me.

    .. "Are you just happy to see me or is that safety pin in your pocket again??" 0-o
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 73 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    A little girl goes to the barber shop with her

    father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin..' She replies, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.' Thanks for sharing that joke Mum.
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 9 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 13 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    Doctor: You're overweight.

    Patient: I want a second opinion. Doctor: You're also ugly.
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    HammerD08 HammerD08 31-35, M 5 days ago

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    Going to the movies today there were 6 of us

    packed into the car. The driver , 3 teenagers and 2 little kids. The only way to fit was for one of the kids to sit on someone's lap so the driver tells my younger brother to sit on the girls boyfriends lap and he screams "NO I'M NOT SITTING ON HIS LAP I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS...
    3dayweekend 3dayweekend 18-21, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    You know nothing about a person

    until they are drunk and mad at you.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Blueskysabove Blueskysabove 22-25, F 15 Responses 3 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 39 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    There once was a man in a bar.

    He asked the bartender how he could get a free drink. The bartender said"go to the basement and stay 1 whole night there. There are so many flies in there you will not last an hour." The man came from the basement a day later, satisfied."How did u last a hole night"said the...
    Theoneforyou0829 Theoneforyou0829 13-15, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    That awkward moment when Santa has the same

    wrapping paper as your mom .. ... .....
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    Do not let anyone try to tell you america is a

    free country. I tried to buy it once and it is in fact very, very expensive.
    CanYouHearTheSilence CanYouHearTheSilence 13-15, T 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    My brother asked if I would snitch on him

    for a million dollars. I replied saying "Shoot, I'd kill you for a Klondike bar". He no longer trusts me. ??
    Essence972 Essence972 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    when some one pokes me on facebook.

    ... I need the "the war has begun" button
    lilybunny944 lilybunny944 13-15, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I think my priest might be gay?

    I mean, he keeps saying "ah, men" after every prayer
    CanYouHearTheSilence CanYouHearTheSilence 13-15, T 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    Facebook needs these 3 buttons: "Dislike",

    "Who cares", "Are you retarded?".
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    I laugh hysterically at jokes

    that nobody else thinks are funny (they aren't really tbh) but they make me laugh so hard idk why lol
    ellajade ellajade 13-15, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 10 Responses Jan 26

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 9 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    Batman saw cat woman,

    his dark night rises
    dreamychan dreamychan 13-15, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    So I'm sitting here house sitting

    for my ex..many beer later I've started contemplating. Imagine if I had decided not to be friends with her. That we couldn't forgive and forget.. Move on and love each other as friends. Yeah someone else would be watching her dog and I would be home as per usual. I have two pugs...
    aquagrl aquagrl 31-35, F 1 Response 5 days ago