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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 132,957 People

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

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    Don't get your birth control pills mixed up

    with your vallium, or you'll end up with 14 kids you don't care about whose names you cant remember....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    I went on a soul searching quest to find my

    self. I found him it turns out he's an Arse hole
    sroonaka616 sroonaka616 18-21 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    There is no such thing

    as "fool-proof" for someone with my level of natural tallent....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    people ask me what animal i would be i said

    wolf they ask why i just look at them nd say cuz then i can chill with moon moon XD
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 1 day ago

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    Did you ever say something funny

    and you were the only one laughing at it and you looked at everybody and said man I crack myself up?
    Wonderwoman25 Wonderwoman25 36-40, F 5 Responses 34 mins ago

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    If you: "just can't believe they're gone".

    ...attend the funeral to make sure.
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    What is the best way to insult an artist?

    Tell them to Van Gogh **** themselves.This joke brought to you by shameless product placement, consumerism, and bribes paid by big companies to feature their product for ad revenue. Oh, and delicious Doritos chips! Destiny Evelyn's potato chip of choice!
    DestinyEvelyn DestinyEvelyn 18-21, T 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    my friend thinks hes smart he said onions is

    food that makes you cry so i threw a coconut at his face :P
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    troll science 1. buy tons of bacon 2.

    heat the bacon so it liquidates 3.leave liquid bacon in the sun 4. it should rain bacon problem? ps i know the science just doin it for fun :P
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 1 day ago

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    Today in class we were making song parodies

    and talking about weave for some reason. someone started singing let it go So I came up with: Let it go! Let it go! This weave was itchy anyway!
    xXhollypotatoXx xXhollypotatoXx 18-21, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    So a girl I'm talking to tells me her favorite

    song of ALL TIME is one that came out a couple weeks ago...... time to cut ties right?
    AreYouDaft25 AreYouDaft25 31-35, M 12 Responses Oct 11

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    roses are red bacon is red poems are

    hard bacon PS this post made me hungry
    DDT97 DDT97 16-17, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 41 Responses Jul 16

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 10 Responses Aug 19

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    Me: My gynecologist said I can't have sex

    for 2 weeks. Boyfriend: What did your dentist say?
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 2

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    "I once bought a cellphone

    that had a little sticker on the box that said 'DO NOT EAT PACKAGING MATERIAL'. Damn There went another freebie snack ,arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
    Guanabana Guanabana 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Often taken the wrong way

    but I laugh at that too lol
    nmspriggs nmspriggs 22-25, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Realizing he never lived up to his potential,

    the un-popped kernel accepts his fate, and prepares to live out his days inside a plastic bag.
    invertedcocaine invertedcocaine 22-25, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

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    gayginge gayginge 13-15, M 1 hr ago

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    If they made contraceptive beer,

    there'd be far less dead beat dads...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 4 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    Did you ever see that episode of Spongebob

    when Squidward walked in on Patrick ridin' Spongebob bare-back? They all just froze in silence, and "three hours later" you see Squidward sitting cross-legged on the floor yelling instructions to the two of them. It was funny cuz when Squidward eventually joined in, he kept...
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wonderwoman25 Wonderwoman25 36-40, F 6 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    I find it somewhat funny

    that girls in my area always post on Facebook how much they love their sons/daughters but when I see them around town, none of their children are in sight.
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 15 hrs ago

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 9 Responses May 6

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    I bought an x box of eBay I got a flat piece of

    cardboard. I also bought a wii u of eBay I got a empty specimen bottle.
    sroonaka616 sroonaka616 18-21 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Sickos who like watching real life death videos.

    ...(serial killers whose b@lls havent dropped yet)
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Someday there will be a time

    when chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 26 Responses Sep 19

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    Psychiatrist: Take these pills they'll help you

    feel better. Anarchist: What? There's nothing wrong with me...it's the rest of the world with the problem... Psychiatrist: Yes, I know, but it's just easier to make you take them
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 8 Responses Aug 28

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    I once was sitting in a class

    and I got the teachers attention only to say "my nose is running... Can I go catch it?" And my nose wasn't even running.. Haha
    catho catho 16-17, F 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    My mom and I have a thing about staying up late.

    When we do, we become delirious and everything is suddenly funny. One night, we were watching The Notebook and laughed at almost everything. We weren't high or anything... Just seriously delirious.
    BeautifulStruggle18 BeautifulStruggle18 18-21, F 5 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 28 Responses Aug 26

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    News headlines: Daniel Radcliffe has been

    kidnapped. *whole family looks at me* Me: What? I'll feed him.
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 12

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    I wonder how many Christians died

    and realized they were lied to all along. HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEH.
    Ginkofishin Ginkofishin 18-21, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10