The 12 Stages Of Drunkenness -
0 – Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.
1 – Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
2 – Lager...
Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me? - A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by...
Going to a job interview wish me luck
A Tv advert for a gambling website was encouraging me to "pick a side". Apparently this meant to choose between two football teams and not to mass murder innocent Pokemon. Phew.
Once, It Almost Got Me Fired -
When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs. I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with...
When going on a roller coaster bring nuts and bolts with you, lean to the person in front of you and say: "Whoa dude, these came out of your seat!"
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he asks...
Divorce Hearing. - A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and
asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice...
I laugh about this scenario, Going to a crowded mall with a metal briefcase, looking as nervous and suspicious as possible. Once I'm sure I am being watched.. I would drop the...
Yesterday i had an interview n i didn't get hired put then my old job called n asked if i wanna work weird:$
Connecticut is boring af any body agree
I get told a lot that I'm weird, and personally I think it's best to be yourself rather what people want you to be!:)
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is...
During a job interview you maybe asked to describe your greatest strength. after that they naturally follow up with the "what is your greatest weakness routine ... I say " I tend...
Lmao kinda funny to some but pls do so
A man received message from his neighbor.. Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU...
The strange thing is that my 14 year old daughter and her friends think I am hilarious, but my friends and people I work with that are older than 20 think I am weird... Meh, I...
Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee... - - You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your...
I am very socially awkward. It seems like no one understands my sense of humor. Sigh 😒😂
Yea even if it's not funny I still think it's funny so I will be laughing if ya got a problem then go screw yourself
While I was being given a tour of a mental asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, “How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?” The doctor...
I want to steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watchin cops chase a donut truck on the news.
A Collection Of Shameful One Liners - Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments...
I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian -
An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young...
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
I laugh at the most terrible things and I can't help it
I have gotten in a lot of trouble because of my humor , it's very sarcastic yet hilariously mean .
It's True - Not sure where the hell it came from, but I remember when I was very young, people just laughing at things I'd say. Humor is my coping mechanism. I do it when I'm...
Hahahahhaah - HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
What's the difference between a black owl and a white owl? White owl says "who," black owl says "who dat."
Do I have a date for Valentine's day?
Of course ! February 14
Two Mischievous Brothers (joke) - Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute.
Two Mischievous Brothers
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
Guy Needs A Push (joke) - A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning...
When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction) - “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
Back at my old college the testing room i was given had this really really cruel test giver.. i mean she would not let you go to the restroom till your pants were wet kinda cruel...
so that's my 8 year old niece's advice on boys XD :
me : what do you do when you like a boy ?
her : you tell him !!
me :and if he doesn't like you ?
her : you kill him...
"I hate the movies"! I am always laughing when everyone else isn't and I have a laugh that sounds like a cat coughing up a hair-ball.
:/ - do I have to listen to maroon 1 2 3 and 4 before listening to maroon 5?
Some People Get It. Others Don't - I think our sense of humour is a very big part of who we are. And there are some jokes that you can only ever share with a few people...
I Think Fairly Odd Parents Is the Greatest Cartoon Ever - Most people dont find my antics very funny but i tend to have a dry sense of humor ...Kind of sarcastic .. i...
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? .... names.
True but i still do it so good morning
God created the world in 7 days? Well it took 9 months to create me, so clearly I'm kind of a big deal.
I can't take this long distance relationship anymore.....
Fridge your coming to my room
My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
XD ,,, just saw this on INTERNET
these are the Seven $hittest Sins :
Greed: I want ****
Envy: I want your ****
Wrath: I'm going to wreck your ****
Lust: I'm into some...
That's How Things Are Done Around Here - Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in...
Writing with a broken pencil is pointless
Literally like none of my friends get my jokes ! Lol and we do t find the same things to be funny !!
"I had a dream about you."
"Yeah, you died."
A friend of mine asked me to take care about her dog, while she was in the hospital. After couple of days being at me I found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could...
Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her a$$ Now his two front teeth are missing