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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 145,894 People

    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    When I get low on money I start thinking

    irrationally like "what if I hadn't spend that 10$ back in 2004?"
    dvkota dvkota 16-17, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 21 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    KylieKaat KylieKaat 18-21, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    1935 was not the one all the credit cards have

    been pulled away a year macys is entertainment for a moose
    Arepootasrealpeopleoraliens Arepootasrealpeopleoraliens 51-55, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    "Black Widow Baby" is an instantly better song

    if you think about an actual baby black widow spider.
    vivianvulpes vivianvulpes 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 7 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 12

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    What does a hockey player

    and an Amish girl have in common?
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    A Shetland Pony walks into a bar

    and in a low, gruff, almost gravelly voice says "Hey bartender, bring me a beer". Of course the bartender obliges and as he serves the beer says "Dude, what's wrong with your voice?" The pony replies "Sorry, I'm a little hoarse ".
    JessicaDale JessicaDale 51-55 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 38 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    TheKingofEP TheKingofEP 22-25, M 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    They say there is safety in numbers.

    Try telling that to 6 million Jews.
    Xplictt Xplictt 22-25, M 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Unfortunately for me my humor always comes out

    at the worst times -_- For instance my friend fell down a flight of stairs injuring her ankle right before a volleyball game a couple of years ago. Instead of saying "are you okay" like the other 20 or so girls on my team I looked at the giant bag of ice on her ankle- they could...
    WhoNeedsAUsername WhoNeedsAUsername 16-17, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 20

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 17 Responses Feb 26

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    Once I thought LGBT was a sandwich.

    .. Lettuce, Glitter, Bacon, Tomato? #teamlesbian
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses 6 days ago

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    this isn't my joke, but it was funny,

    don't shoot the messenger as they say, but anyway, here we go: Why isn't there a Walmart in Afghanistan? Because there's a Target on every corner :P (it might take a while, you'll get it eventually)
    nighthawk56 nighthawk56 16-17, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    yea haha....ha fricken ha.

    ..great preselected representation of myself...
    ConnectingDots ConnectingDots 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Steps To Survive A Horror Movie: Never say ”

    I`ll be back,” because odds are, your *** ain't coming back...
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    Ad: "Simple way to eliminate years on your

    face" [Photo: close up of smiling model's face with diarrhea face-mask].
    urbanseeker urbanseeker 22-25, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 49 Responses 6 days ago

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    Don't you hate it when you use the bathroom at

    your friend's house and they hide the plunger???
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Gosh look at this guy he's

    so weird it's awesome. Lol
    deersa deersa 18-21, M 1 day ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    PC society makes things less fun.

    Like dwarf tossing. You can't have a dwarf tossing contest anymore because someone might get hurt ( it's ok I'm a dwarf anyway).
    OzarksTrucker OzarksTrucker 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    omg I love watching fights

    and found this video that is so amazing... poor guy just got brutalized lol
    amyjones99 amyjones99 13-15, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Doesnt mean I have a crude sense of humour,

    I am open to solicitations.
    AcousticAnne1 AcousticAnne1 26-30, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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