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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 26-30, F 30 Responses Feb 27, 2015

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    "Jessica you can't go with me

    unless you put pants on"
    jexiccaa jexiccaa 18-21, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 25, 2015

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    I think Crocs are the best contraceptive

    invented. Who would get turned on seeing someone on those ?
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 11 Responses Jul 15, 2015

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    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M Feb 2

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    Jada Pickett smith is

    now going to boycott White Zombie because the lack of diversity in the name
    DesiredUserNameandStuff DesiredUserNameandStuff 31-35, F 2 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 17 Responses Jan 1, 2015

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 17 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    I don't think I can ever change my imaginary

    YouTube channel's name: "Yumyum Sauce"
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 days ago

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    I sometimes read read

    as read, when it was supposed to be read as read. On that subject, have you noticed that read rhymes with lead, while read rhymes with lead, but read and lead don't rhyme, nor do read and lead.
    FlaymeDancer FlaymeDancer 26-30, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 12 Responses Jan 11, 2015

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Jan 8, 2015

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 46-50, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Glenn! Glenn, it's Theodore.

    Your cousin, Theodore Danzig. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, listen to this! *Britney Spears plays in the background*
    DesiredUserNameandStuff DesiredUserNameandStuff 31-35, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    You all have been lied to.

    Blue cheese, it's not really blue.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Geekjunk Geekjunk 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20, 2015

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 59 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    bigunsatx bigunsatx 36-40, M 4 Responses Feb 3

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    You can't argue with a sick mind.

    You can tune a piano,but you can't tuna fish.But,seriously.
    Pablo56692112 Pablo56692112 56-60, M 1 Response Feb 1

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    Squatlife Squatlife 18-21, F 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Does anyone else get splash-back on your

    sphincter when a really big poop drops in the toilet? Happens to me sometimes; makeshift bidet.
    NoReasonToLiveForMe NoReasonToLiveForMe 18-21, M 4 days ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted 26-30 16 Responses Mar 12, 2015

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    Another hookup hazard

    that we could learn from: When considering on saying 'Yes' to a match, never assume that a generous-sized c*ck doesn't come with an annoyingly humongous d*ckhead.
    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 2 Responses Feb 1

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 16 Responses Mar 9, 2015

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    When a male writes a story on EP,

    he gets a heart. When a female writes a story on EP, she gets 20 hearts, 60 responses, 30 boxes of chocolates and 2 wedding proposals.
    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 13 Responses 4 days ago

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    63 earths can fit in Uranus.

    64 if you really relax.
    Mucatra Mucatra 18-21, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    To do is to be - Nietzsche To be is to do -

    Kant Do be do be do - Sinatra D'oh - Simpson
    WhereIsMyBeard WhereIsMyBeard 26-30, T Feb 2

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 25 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 6 Responses Mar 3, 2015

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    It was absolutely absurd how the camera pointed

    to Josh Norman crying at the end of the Superbowl. They must of thought Twitter was going to ignore it.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 5 days ago

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    I lost my teeth in a bike accident

    while impressing someone!!!!
    fahad7khan fahad7khan 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 30

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 18-21, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 12, 2015

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 6 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 9 Responses Jan 28, 2015

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    I'm scanning channels on the TV,

    I come across an add for Recta-Care. It got me thinking; unless your a **** star, how often does the average person take care of their rectum? So, I wrote it down on my grocery list. I guess I better get some. Woo Hoo, lol.
    drewditty drewditty 46-50, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    If I make you breakfast in bed all I need is a

    "thank you". Not all this "how did you get in my house" business.
    Thisis4fun Thisis4fun 56-60, M 10 Responses 4 days ago

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    bigunsatx bigunsatx 36-40, M 7 Responses Feb 1