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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 142,403 People

    Why is my IPad asking

    for my location. It's not my mother asking when I will be home.
    sroonaka616 sroonaka616 18-21 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    The weird part about the Humpty Dumpty nursery

    rhyme is that it never mentions him being an egg...
    GabrielAlan GabrielAlan 13-15, M 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    (True Story) Got into a fight with a wasp in my

    back yard. Slapped the **** out of him thinking I won as he flew away. #Victorydance!... The wasp comes back with 5 friends and I ran away... #soreloser. lol
    saeteurn saeteurn 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 2, 2014

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    That moment when you're playing Scrabble with

    little kids and your tileset is just awful, so you start adding "S" to their moves, and bully them when they argue that there's no word such as "TEETHS".
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 2 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    That moment when a fly lands on your food,

    stares at you, rubs his legs intently, digs in, then looks at you again as if to say: "You're next."
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 10 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    smeckledorfed smeckledorfed 18-21, F 1 hr ago

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    I laugh at holocaust jokes.

    "Why do you say to a women with two black eyes" "Nothing, she has been told twice" I have a weird... And horrible sense of human.
    Ruthes143 Ruthes143 18-21, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Mselisa Mselisa 16-17, F 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    TheQuietExtrovert TheQuietExtrovert 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The only problem with the gene pool,

    is that their is no lifeguard" :p
    BananaSmoothiee BananaSmoothiee 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13, 2014

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 12

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    Laziness is what happens

    when you look at your workload, tell yourself "I can always do it tomorrow", and saying the same thing on the next day.
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Lovetocook44 Lovetocook44 46-50, M 13 hrs ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 23 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Hey! Im 38 years old,

    almost 39 but my humor is silly/weird and in the gutter most of the time! Lol....so pull your pants up people and save that **** for later cuz I wanna talk about stuff you've heard that people have gotten stuck in their junk..or on it...??? Help me out here that crap is...
    MissJamie12 MissJamie12 36-40 1 day ago

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    "No rest is worth anything.

    Except the rest that has been earned." Yes, quite an adourious task t moan about life, shout atyer wifi connection. Night all I deserve my rest.
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 4 hrs ago

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    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I wouldn't say weird ,

    it's just what I find funny , other people don't . For instance , I asked for a tattoo and my step dad said no . My mother said " maybe you shouldn't have ink on your skin with you being sick " - yes I'm ill - so I said " That's what I mean . I already have one foot in the grave...
    EssSmith EssSmith 16-17, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    what happened to the frog

    when he parked illegally? HE GOT TOAD!
    bman2014 bman2014 36-40, M 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    …..................

    .....................😎
    Phyllispurple Phyllispurple 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Lmao!!! I was in the grocery store yesterday.

    OOH look! A new ketchup bottle with 25% extra, Cool! I took the stuff I was going to buy to the counter (keep in mind that the store was a huge one). I took a look around me and found some guy right behind me. He was shaking profusely so I just past it off as that he had...
    InnocentPigeon InnocentPigeon 70+ 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 71 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7, 2014

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    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney

    World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like "excuse me, I’m working here."
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 9 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses a week ago

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    R.I.P, R.K Laxman, the legendary creator of

    "The Common Man"Looks like it's the month for cartoonists.
    rabinafrost rabinafrost 18-21, F 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    Once I posted a special meme series about 9/11

    and coincidently an American guy became orphan in this incident.
    Ner0 Ner0 16-17, M 1 day ago

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    Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak

    while it's strapped to the top of someone's car. :3
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    normal person: - sings lyrics me: - sings

    lyrics - sings backup vocals - sings guitar riffs - plays air drum the entire song - head-bangs
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    This is what happens

    when a little boy likes a girl... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO-QXw4PJ6g&app=desktop
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 14 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014