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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 156,822 People

    What's the difference between a Jew

    and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
    grainneodwyer grainneodwyer 13-15, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Two guys were in the woods camping

    and they heard a strange noise. one asked the other what was that? he said its a dickfer, what's a dickfer he asked? to pee with of course.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Thalassophobic Thalassophobic 18-21, M 6 days ago

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    i like to make a joke on someone

    and not tell them its a joke but i thinks its funny to see them go your stupid if you think that hahaha.
    justDlight justDlight 18-21, M 19 hrs ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    Friend: I guess you and I have different tastes.

    :p Me: Nah. I think we both taste the same.😋 Friend: Ohhh, do we now? ;) Me: I was talking about cannibalism.. 😒 Friend: Ohh.. Uhh.. Me too. 😂😂
    PsychGirl94 PsychGirl94 18-21, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    If you don't mind. Unhappiest state of the U.

    S. If a. Remind me who you are. I love the videos.
    parttimefreak parttimefreak 36-40, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    What do you get when

    when you cross metal with tar?........A nig/ger behind bars
    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 18-21, M 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    PLEASE READ! I have just started a charity.

    I am 17 years old, and this is my story: I was born with a heart condition called Aortic stenosis, which is narrowing of the exit of the left ventricle of the heart. I am now 17 years old, and I am much better (as a result of major surgery when I was younger). I am was fortunate...
    amylouexoh amylouexoh 16-17, F 2 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

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    Is it weird that I find it hilarious how many

    guys message me within an hour? There is just so many! Some ask about my name, or what I look like. Some even send pics of themselves! I mean like come on! I don't want to see pics of you! And if I don't answer back, don't take it offensively! I get a lot of messages and maybe 8...
    tinytinyone tinytinyone 18-21, F 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    PoutingEnigma PoutingEnigma 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 13

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    I don't usually do this.

    ..but dammit this made me laugh! (photo)
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 41-45, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 18-21, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    Do you know what headphones always get beat up?

    Beats by Dr.Dre. Get it? Get it? Pls laugh
    rxmngerah rxmngerah 13-15, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    Christians always go on about the time Jesus

    fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes. What about Hitler? He made six million Jews toast.
    doingitreich doingitreich 13-15, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 8

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 38 Responses Feb 27

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    There was a kidnapping at

    that elementary school. But, DONT WORRY!!! The kids woke up. (:
    Firechiic Firechiic 16-17, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    how can you tell the proudest guy at the nudist

    club ? He can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts ! !
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 15 Responses Feb 26

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    My sense of humor ranges from - corny & weird,

    to sarcastic & bitter, to dark & morbid, to witty & highbrow, and to Quirky. There's so many kinds of sense of humors out there. More kinds than I even am. So I hate it when I encounter a person with absolutely no sense of humor. 😒 we usually don't end up getting along.
    PsychGirl94 PsychGirl94 18-21, F 11 Responses 5 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    There was a cow boy, he went to New York on

    Sunday, he stayed for three days, and came back on Sunday, how's that possible? Cause his horse name is Sunday hahahahahaha
    vibrantsoul vibrantsoul 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    I tend to stay up late at night

    so I start thinking non sense. When I was spending the night with my best friend i started thinking about pregnant woman and when kids ask if they are their brother. Well than I started thinking, a baby is made by *****, and it only comes out when the guy comes.... So those that...
    rileyxwoods rileyxwoods 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Oh lovestruck EP suitor.

    ..your words, the audacity, that sheer confidence that you possess, your conviction that you know how to push my buttons. The determined manner with which you pursue me in my private messages and my posts is driving me wild...enough to put my itchy finger on my hot button. *hits...
    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 11 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    SlaveInTraining21 SlaveInTraining21 18-21, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 8 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I like to tell people

    that i have the heart of a small boy. Then i say it's in a jar on my desk! :-p
    JnFrdriKler JnFrdriKler 22-25, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    My brother in law need a kidney urgently.

    O+ Kidney need urgently. Donor should be under 40. Donor call at No. +92-333-4506458, 0300-6703819 or 03332652785.
    Asgharsindhi Asgharsindhi 41-45, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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