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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 142,166 People

    I want nothing more than a grilled cheese

    sandwich, $3000 in my bank account and a glass of champers.
    jenny6666 jenny6666 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    The weird part about the Humpty Dumpty nursery

    rhyme is that it never mentions him being an egg...
    GabrielAlan GabrielAlan 13-15, M 12 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Your late for TEA!!!!

    !! *throws teacup at the knave of hearts*
    anonymus000 anonymus000 16-17, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 71 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13, 2014

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    rangerdallas22 rangerdallas22 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 9 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    somethingxmissing somethingxmissing 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    *After meeting a new friend* Me: Hey,

    haven't I seen you on TV? Her: *confused* Really? Me: Yeah... wait....*scratches chin* I got it! You were on Animal Planet!
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    I hate eating a pizza roll

    and burning the inside of my mouth so bad that nothing taste right ever again.
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    TheQuietExtrovert TheQuietExtrovert 18-21, F 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 4 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Waiting alone in the car,

    everyone outside automatically becomes a rapist... ( o.o)
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why is my IPad asking

    for my location. It's not my mother asking when I will be home.
    sroonaka616 sroonaka616 18-21 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    I get myself in trouble a lot.

    A while ago when I still had Facebook a friend of a friend updated a status.. Her beloved pet gold fish had died, she posted a photo of the fish in a lovely matchbox coffin she painted pink with nail polish, her status read "I loved my gold fish and really looked after him" I...
    NameNotFound404 NameNotFound404 26-30, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    That moment when a fly lands on your food,

    stares at you, rubs his legs intently, digs in, then looks at you again as if to say: "You're next."
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    Whas the difference between a scientist

    and a w8nker?? A scientist uses hands less and brain more...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 10 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I must be quite the comedian cause every-time i

    show my face the world Laughs
    Princeofnothing Princeofnothing 18-21, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Oh no! Some kids were in a game show.

    .. and lost! :-( Me: >:-) You lil punks! You lost!
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Knock, Knock. Who's there?

    Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him. I feel so bad laughing at this-
    nyanneon nyanneon 16-17, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    If you can make me laugh,

    then you too must also have a weird sense humor.
    passivity passivity 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    Whenever I talk to my friend she always laugh

    whenever I try not to be funny. She's weird or I jut have a weird sense of humor, either is basically right
    FanWriter1215 FanWriter1215 13-15, F 2 days ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7, 2014

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 12

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    If you're a woman who wants to get my attention,

    let me know how long you'd shake my hand in minutes and seconds when introducing yourself. The longer the better.
    CreativeLee CreativeLee 46-50, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    What in the world is happening here?

    Lol reading some of the 'I'm new' posts makes me want to talk to my dog
    jenny6666 jenny6666 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    EnigmaticDogma EnigmaticDogma 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    CURRYXBLAZE CURRYXBLAZE 18-21, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    If God had intended for us to be sober,

    He would not have made Irish Whiskey taste sooooo good.
    Uncleleo Uncleleo 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 16 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 22 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Every Christmas I would My cousins up with this

    song. Jingle bells jingle bells wake your ***** up , if you don't im taking all your gifts and giving them all away hey ! Jingle bells jingle bells now get yo ***** up XD
    Princeofnothing Princeofnothing 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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