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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 170,524 People

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    Newconvo1 Newconvo1 41-45, M 1 Response a week ago

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    stomach mad, butthole sad I thought of this

    after I ate a hotdog for dinner and got rlly bad poop
    goodatnothing goodatnothing 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Hey guys x) Why'd Sally fall off the swing?

    Cause she had no arms!! Knock knock Who's there? Not sally you selfish arm having bastard ! My dad told me this and i laugh so hard just thinking about it hahahaha
    MaeEmlynn MaeEmlynn 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 28

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    I think Crocs are the best contraceptive

    invented. Who would get turned on seeing someone on those ?
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 11 Responses Jul 15, 2015

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 23, 2015

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Jan 8, 2015

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    Humans tend to dramatize everything they

    experience and blow it way out of proportion. As a human myself I am not exempt from that behavior :)
    Hush92 Hush92 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 27

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 46-50, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 59 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 3 days ago

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    xkmb xkmb 56-60 1 Response Jan 28

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    i enjoyed watching this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i17pORf_iE4
    xkmb xkmb 56-60 Jan 27

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    bigunsatx bigunsatx 36-40, M 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    Geekjunk Geekjunk 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20, 2015

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 6 Responses Mar 3, 2015

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    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 7 Responses Jan 27

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    You can't argue with a sick mind.

    You can tune a piano,but you can't tuna fish.But,seriously.
    Pablo56692112 Pablo56692112 56-60, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 26-30, F 30 Responses Feb 27, 2015

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 26-30, F 12 Responses Feb 26, 2015

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    JustBipolarMe JustBipolarMe 46-50, M 5 days ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 25, 2015

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    How to make tea like a pro: 1: Put water in the

    kettle 2: Put kettle on the stove and turn on the burner 3: Instantly forget you're making tea and wander off to do other things. 4: Realize that the random whistling coming from across the house is the tea kettle 5: PANIC 6: Run across the house as fast as you can and...
    Ztun7856 Ztun7856 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 26

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 35 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 16 Responses Mar 9, 2015

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    deleted deleted 26-30 14 Responses Mar 13, 2015

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    Trust me, as a Sikh man you never wanna hear a

    Singhni say to you... "Singh, can you like tie your dastaar properly, please..." And am like "Can mind your own Business, please?" ESPECIALLY when you dnt know her.
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 6 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 9 Responses Jan 28, 2015

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    Azuriela Azuriela 41-45, F 5 Responses Jan 25

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    alamsyed25 alamsyed25 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 24

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 18-21, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 25 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 12 Responses Jan 11, 2015

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    JustBipolarMe JustBipolarMe 46-50, M 4 Responses a week ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 12, 2015

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 17 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 6 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    When I tell a joke people look at me like a

    crazy person. I admit I might be a little out of the ordinary. I'm also socially awkward. :P
    ForsakenColors ForsakenColors 13-15, F 3 Responses Jan 26

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    To do is to be - Nietzsche To be is to do -

    Kant Do be do be do - Sinatra D'oh - Simpson
    WhereIsMyBeard WhereIsMyBeard 26-30, T 4 days ago

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    I'm thinking about changing the brand of

    bottled water I drink. I really need to start stepping outside of my comfort zone.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 2 Responses Jan 28

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