I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles
    26-30, F
    14 Responses Dec 13, 2014

    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan
    26-30, F
    27 Responses Feb 27, 2015

    Now that EP is shutting down,

    I intend to leave this place with a bang. *insert pervy pic here*
    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe
    41-45, F
    12 Responses Apr 12
    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb
    41-45, F
    11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496
    18-21, F
    15 Responses Mar 9, 2015

    I'm Dr Luwiss morris at DAVE GRAY HOSPITAL

    INDIA I have been given the opportunity by the management to advertised on the internet FOR KIDNEY SELLING WE SHALL OFFER YOU $220,000 USD FOR YOUR KIDNEY ANY INTERESTED PERSON SHOULD CONTACT ME NOW. PHONE NUMBER:+917411369891
    kidney4 kidney4
    36-40, F
    4 Responses Apr 5

    Remember if you are doing something just

    for ***** and giggles, it's all fun until someone giggles and *****.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73
    41-45, M
    1 Response Apr 3

    I know that the voices in my head are just not

    real. But to tell you the truth, sometimes their ideas are just totally awesome!!
    CurvyGirley CurvyGirley
    46-50, F
    1 Response Apr 21

    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB
    18-21, F
    7 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB
    18-21, F
    15 Responses Jan 1, 2015

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody
    31-35, F
    74 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Okay, so my sister just texted me a pic of this

    really old photo. It's so old she had to take a picture of the picture. Because it was one of those things that had to be developed. And, I have no idea what I was going for here. Maybe I thought I was a p o r n star? Idk I was a really weird kid. :p Edit: damn you ep for making...
    2byoung 2byoung
    22-25, M
    Apr 21

    Tigger as a private eye: where were you at 13 o

    clock today? Rabbit: 13 o clock? Well, I was..... Tigger: where were you on the night of the 43rd? Rabbit: I was.... Tigger: when was the next to last time you saw eeyores tail? Rabbit: eeyores tail? I don't know. Tigger: and where does your lap go when you stand up? Hoo...
    Funkystronglover Funkystronglover
    22-25, M
    1 Response Mar 29
    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals
    16-17, M
    6 Responses Dec 26, 2014

    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny
    22-25, F
    11 Responses Jan 11, 2015

    Winnie the Pooh and his friends

    when they're going through the desert: Tigger: "water! Water!" Pooh: "Honey! Honey!"
    Funkystronglover Funkystronglover
    22-25, M
    1 Response Apr 19

    does anyone else feel like your inbox is raped

    and violated when some random person inboxes you? like why are they trespassing on your holy land. no? just me?
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    12 Responses Mar 31

    How it REALLY feels to chew 5 gum.

    https://youtu.be/9U60zfomh8I
    BiFurZak BiFurZak
    22-25, M
    Mar 31

    I keep telling myself

    that life always offers me a second chance. It's called tomorrow.....
    CurvyGirley CurvyGirley
    46-50, F
    1 Response Apr 21
    NawImG00d NawImG00d
    26-30, M
    1 Response Apr 15

    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    5 Responses Dec 14, 2014

    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny
    22-25, F
    8 Responses Jan 28, 2015

    What are you wearing,

    Jake from state farm? Uh, khakis. :p Yes I bought khakis just to make this joke! I have to entertain myself somehow!
    2byoung 2byoung
    22-25, M
    3 Responses Apr 19

    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB
    18-21, F
    22 Responses Mar 14, 2015

    Give a man a fish and he will have food

    for one day. Now if you teach him to catch fish, he will spend the whole damn day at the lake drinking beer.
    CurvyGirley CurvyGirley
    46-50, F
    4 Responses Apr 21

    My friend thinks he is smart.

    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
    SonofPaddy121 SonofPaddy121
    18-21, M
    1 Response Apr 8

    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    8 Responses Dec 23, 2014

    Just follow me on snapchat.

    ..and you'll see.
    HemophobicDaisy HemophobicDaisy
    13-15, F
    Apr 5

    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati
    22-25, M
    7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun
    18-21, M
    25 Responses Dec 8, 2014
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny
    22-25, F
    8 Responses Jan 25, 2015

    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan
    26-30, F
    11 Responses Feb 26, 2015

    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    15 Responses Mar 12, 2015

    Me Krabs: Patrick, which way is East?

    " Patrick : (looks at the compass.) "That way captain." Mr. Krabs: (counts 10,000 steps) "where's the X? It's supposed to be right here. 10,000 paces East." Patrick: "oh. East? I thought you said Weast." Mr. Krabs: "Weast? What kind of compass are you reading, lad?" Patrick...
    Funkystronglover Funkystronglover
    22-25, M
    6 Responses Apr 13

    We are urgently in need of kidney donors

    for the sum of $220,000.00 USD, contact us now on (+917411369891) or luwiss.morris@gmail.com
    kidney4 kidney4
    36-40, F
    5 Responses Apr 20

    if you were an animal,

    what would you be? your mom would be a starfish, cuz she's a hermaphrodite!
    Corick Corick
    18-21, M
    2 Responses Mar 30

    I recently started rewatching Hey arnold on the

    splat and arnold has a pretty hot voice. His hotness melted my TV.
    DayDreamer246 DayDreamer246
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Apr 15

    I was just thinking about the time I went to

    Japan, and I had to speak Japanese to communicate. I would laugh a lot, and someone asked me why. I told him that "kuchi" means something different in America. The look on his face when I told him was priceless. ­čśé
    2byoung 2byoung
    22-25, M
    3 Responses Apr 13

    https://www.change.org/p/ep-keep-ep-open-don-t-close-ep?source_location=petitionspetitions Please help in siginig these petition
    irinangel irinangel
    22-25, F
    Mar 30

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u
    46-50, M
    7 Responses Feb 2, 2014

    At school people tell a joke

    and everyone laughs but I don't. Then they say something no one laughs at but me. Awkward! But it's me and I'm fine with that.
    SmartyGenius SmartyGenius
    13-15, F
    Apr 21

    I fell down the stairs at school

    and this guy tried to help me up but I got akward and just started laughing as I crawled away. He was too hot, he couldnt see me in bad lighting.
    DayDreamer246 DayDreamer246
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Apr 15

    I saw this online today

    and I thought I would share. A dad and his daughter were putting away groceries and stuff from shopping when he pulled a box of tampons and asked her where these go? she hesitated a second and then said in my vagina. The dad falls over nearly crying and said in which bleeping...
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73
    41-45, M
    1 Response Mar 26

    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    14 Responses Mar 13, 2015

    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496
    18-21, F
    17 Responses Jan 8, 2015

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    6 Responses Aug 19, 2014

    when someone breaks a promise

    and u wanna punch them in the face
    yanisucks yanisucks
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Apr 18

    ....I laugh when people get hurt.

    Like, saw a kid fall off a bike recently and I couldn't help it...
    BadMomKira BadMomKira
    22-25, F
    8 Responses Apr 18

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69
    31-35, F
    9 Responses Sep 26, 2014
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Apr 4
    yanisucks yanisucks
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Apr 12
    Geekjunk Geekjunk
    18-21, M
    4 Responses Jan 20, 2015

    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496
    18-21, F
    13 Responses Jan 23, 2015

    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny
    22-25, F
    9 Responses Jan 12, 2015

    Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

    Because they Lactose ( smiling)
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    12 Responses Mar 2

    I met a guy he came back

    once other time, I knew his way that he would leave! It's called being a flaked. Smell the BS a mile away however last time he came back so now I've prevented that circle from happening again, I've made him think I'm mental unstable - my posts on here have helped! I won't...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 30

    Leaving work my friend says "Have a good one!

    " Thank you. That's what all the girls tell me.
    moonaticfringe moonaticfringe
    56-60, M
    2 Responses Mar 27

    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere
    41-45, F
    6 Responses Mar 3, 2015

    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek
    18-21, F
    33 Responses Jul 16, 2014

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies
    36-40, F
    23 Responses Sep 20, 2011
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