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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 145,792 People

    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    KylieKaat KylieKaat 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    What does a hockey player

    and an Amish girl have in common?
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 39 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Gosh look at this guy he's

    so weird it's awesome. Lol
    deersa deersa 18-21, M 11 hrs ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 49 Responses 5 days ago

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    I often hold myself back in public,

    rejection really messes with my head so having a weird sense of humour kinda sucks.
    JackH19 JackH19 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 20

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    And I know this, and it's cool but-at times

    most people don't get me , and that kinda makes for a long night, and a lot of explaining and that just does something too me, so I would rather be quiet that speak, I mean sometimes I just want to hang about with a guy who gets me and when I say something witty he stops for a...
    amie26 amie26 31-35, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 17 Responses 6 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Once I thought LGBT was a sandwich.

    .. Lettuce, Glitter, Bacon, Tomato? #teamlesbian
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses 4 days ago

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 10 Responses Jan 26

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    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 10 hrs ago

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    When I get low on money I start thinking

    irrationally like "what if I hadn't spend that 10$ back in 2004?"
    dvkota dvkota 16-17, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    "I used to think the brain was the most

    wonderful organ in my body. And then I realized who was telling me this." - Emo Phillips
    Bluejay1812 Bluejay1812 26-30, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I need supervision when in public

    or crap like this happens.
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    Fancy dress party, and

    that TV commercial. Firstly, there is an add on telly here in the uk. It's for a price comparison website "money supermarket" the catch line is, on the current advert "Dave saved £100 on his car insurance and now he feels epic" cut to a guy in a suit strutting proudly down a...
    Heellover Heellover 36-40, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    "Black Widow Baby" is an instantly better song

    if you think about an actual baby black widow spider.
    vivianvulpes vivianvulpes 22-25, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    Ad: "Simple way to eliminate years on your

    face" [Photo: close up of smiling model's face with diarrhea face-mask].
    urbanseeker urbanseeker 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    I want to get a pool,

    and name it "P*ssy", so whenever my friends ask me what I'm doing that day, I can tell them I'll be swimming in P*ssy, and if I drown in the pool, my family and friends can tell people I died drowning in P*ussy.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Never criticize someone

    unless you walk a mile in his or her shoes, and then when you criticize them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 5 days ago

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    A Shetland Pony walks into a bar

    and in a low, gruff, almost gravelly voice says "Hey bartender, bring me a beer". Of course the bartender obliges and as he serves the beer says "Dude, what's wrong with your voice?" The pony replies "Sorry, I'm a little hoarse ".
    JessicaDale JessicaDale 51-55 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Doesnt mean I have a crude sense of humour,

    I am open to solicitations.
    AcousticAnne1 AcousticAnne1 26-30, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    omg I love watching fights

    and found this video that is so amazing... poor guy just got brutalized lol
    amyjones99 amyjones99 13-15, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 12

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 21 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Unfortunately for me my humor always comes out

    at the worst times -_- For instance my friend fell down a flight of stairs injuring her ankle right before a volleyball game a couple of years ago. Instead of saying "are you okay" like the other 20 or so girls on my team I looked at the giant bag of ice on her ankle- they could...
    WhoNeedsAUsername WhoNeedsAUsername 16-17, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    PC society makes things less fun.

    Like dwarf tossing. You can't have a dwarf tossing contest anymore because someone might get hurt ( it's ok I'm a dwarf anyway).
    OzarksTrucker OzarksTrucker 36-40, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Don't you hate it when you use the bathroom at

    your friend's house and they hide the plunger???
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    yea haha....ha fricken ha.

    ..great preselected representation of myself...
    ConnectingDots ConnectingDots 22-25, M 8 hrs ago

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    They say there is safety in numbers.

    Try telling that to 6 million Jews.
    Xplictt Xplictt 22-25, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    I have a weird sense of humour - I find this

    funny:“A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think...
    EclipseV EclipseV 31-35, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    I was at the post office.

    Behind the counter on the wall was a motivational poster. It had a picture of the Great Wall of China and something written about working together to achieve great things. I said to her "That a motivational poster with the great Wall of China? ". "yes" she replied. "you know...
    Ulfhednar74 Ulfhednar74 36-40, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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