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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 149,958 People

    I gave a girl my number

    and told her to call me when she gets home.. ... ... ... ... She must be homeless.
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 12 Responses Mar 9

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Years ago a girlfriend's father was OCD.

    For Christmas I gave him a label maker, her family still hates me for that.
    Ulfhednar74 Ulfhednar74 36-40, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 26

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 8 Responses Mar 3

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    I laugh at worst situation

    and serious at happy moments ohh y....
    yhasi yhasi 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    You know I can handle Wednesday,

    just please get this camel out of my office.
    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 26

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    To me, Life and Death are like common parents,

    one wakes you up and the other one puts you to sleep.
    TheTofuMaster TheTofuMaster 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    Next time your at a ATM withdrawing money.

    When it gives you your money ,start yelling 'I WON" I WON"!!!
    Hiddenheart101 Hiddenheart101 56-60, F 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 18 Responses Mar 12

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    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 4 days ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Mar 9

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    BiFurZak BiFurZak 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I am never sure what to do with my eyes

    when I am at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    People ask if I live under power lines I say no

    my parent told me to play in traffic but now I stand on the train tracks waiting for the train to come.
    wildgreywolf1979 wildgreywolf1979 31-35, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 43 Responses Feb 27

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 7 Responses Jan 20

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    I told my GF to be happy!

    Just be loud. Express yourself whenever possible, whatever occassion. She thought and thought and thought... *That evening* so, here I am at my party with my fam and guests. My GF's in the distance, with her close friends. Then she shouts, unsually loud. "Sazzio! Sazzio!" I wave...
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Despite the old saying,

    "Don't take your troubles to bed with you." many women still sleep with their husbands. LOL (jokes)
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I love to laugh and make others laugh.

    Intelligent humor is the best, but I will also laugh out loud to goofy movies or dirty jokes.
    Laleetwin Laleetwin 41-45, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    OMG !!! My life is so full of hilarious crap

    that I do. So after going to great lengths to get all done up pretty (I'm gender variable) and heading out for a meeting, I suddenly realize that I start driving like a stereotypical women !! Suddenly the clutch and manual shift transmission confuses me and I have zero sense...
    JessicaDale JessicaDale 51-55 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

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    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 27 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 15 hrs ago

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    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm so amazing at cooking,

    even the fire alarm is cheering me on!
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    I have never kissed a midget,

    I don't think I could stoop that low.
    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Kumarie Kumarie 13-15, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    I like the sound of wearing wetsuits

    and getting gunged. Have worn a wetsuit on water once and that was in the shower!! I have never been gunged but will be soon at my gfs house. personally can not wait
    Wetsuitgunger123 Wetsuitgunger123 41-45 5 days ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    I'd like to propose a toast: Here's to our wives

    and girlfriends, may they never meet.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 8 Responses Mar 14

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