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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 118,132 People

    I say shark bait you say hoo haha!

    Shark bait! *you all yell hoo haha*
    cicizzle cicizzle 13-15, F 6 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    The apple says: I look like a heart!

    ! The orange says: I look like the sun!! The banana says: I hate this game -__-
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 3 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    meme111111 meme111111 36-40, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    What do you call a man with no arms

    or legs rolling in a pile of leaves? Russel
    LunaRay19 LunaRay19 18-21, F 6 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I keep telling myself

    that the easier I wake up for work, the more time I have howitzer drink coffee of **********. There can only be one.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 12 Responses Aug 7

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 9 Responses 6 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    sarahjane79 sarahjane79 31-35, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    My grandparents yelled at me

    because I didn't want to go to this party. They claimed that I would lose all of my friends. I just laughed and said "don't worry, I don't have any friends to lose"
    Paragonn Paragonn 13-15, M 2 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Sometimes it's the only way to day it.

    ................ Lmfao.
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 5 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Was a waffle a pancake

    before it had holes?
    IcyAura IcyAura 13-15, M 9 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Why was the plumber arrested?

    For possession of crack.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    meme111111 meme111111 36-40, M 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 9 Responses Feb 13

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    UntimelySoul UntimelySoul 18-21 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    My sister just told me she is pregnant!

    !!! Although it should have been a moment where I said oh my god I am soooo happy for you the only things that came out was "you ****! I love you"! then I laughed for about 20 mins... then cried.... then laughed again.... damn you hormones! Our poor family!
    snowbabe3 snowbabe3 22-25, F 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 64 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I just got a sticker

    that says 'you tried'. Now that's encouragement kids...
    BlossomOfWinterfell BlossomOfWinterfell 13-15, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Look, he probably won't

    even come back with the actual food, why don't you just give him this one? Ok cheeseburger helper, you're on! Yay! Cheese, cheese, cheese! Yay! You're a good brother. Anyone?
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    Women are like pianos,

    when they are not upright they are grand.
    meme111111 meme111111 36-40, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    If I make you breakfast in bed,

    say "Thank you." not "How did you get in my house?"
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses Jul 29

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    Can. U guess what this is?

    Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 4 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I have a callous on my toe the size of Mt.

    Rushmore complete with presidential faces.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Feeling stupid. Need someone to riff with.

    Two noodles are talking. Noodle1 says "Isn't that Jacuzzi wonderful?" Noodle2 replies "It was great but it left me a little limp."
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 5 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 43 Responses Jul 16

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    Texting my dad Me: Dad I just want to wish

    you a happy Fathers day and we love you <3 Dad: Gabby why did you put a cone with a butt? Me: Wut :D
    DysfunctionalPiano DysfunctionalPiano 13-15, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    The Vatican Cardinals took the Pope out

    for a night of binge drinking at the Cracked chalice their favorite Vatican City dive bar.
    josycd josycd 51-55, T 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    If you're reading this,

    you're reading this.
    RodSquad76 RodSquad76 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Love is like a sandwich.

    .. Well, not really. I'm just hungry, so I'm going to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 32 Responses Jul 16

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    I finally found this pic haha.

    It makes me laugh everytime because it's true.
    Faithlovee Faithlovee 16-17, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Someone just posted " I like seeing pictures of

    willies." Immediately below some posted a song " I'd rather go blind- Beyonce. I just died.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    You think I'm weird? Ohhh you think I'm weird?

    ! You should see me with my best friend
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3