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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 119,758 People

    I like to say 'doughnuts'

    as dog nuts. My dog like that too.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    isnt anyone going to talk about

    that pixar lamp which straight up murders the I and then stares at us like "its your turn next
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 5 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Technology and being ugly don't mix.

    I tried this new facial recognition thing on iphone. After it scanned my face, it said, "Put a bag on."
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    *knock knock* Who's there?

    Interrupting cow. Interrupting c- MOO! ! !
    chubbiwubbi chubbiwubbi 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 32 Responses Jul 16

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    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    ****! Insomnia, you ought to know better

    than jump out at me like that. It's a good thing I recognized you otherwise, you'd have gotten knocked the **** out.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    On my way drive home with my son,

    we have a 'stupid' games. Like making puns and quizes. He ask me somebody is doing big on on the toilet. When he finished he realized that the toilet roll is finish and he was alone. What he do next? And I answer. He sneak out, take the roll from next cubicle, wipe and return...
    sashimi9 sashimi9 31-35, F 1 Response 18 hrs ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    I hear women ask "Where are all the good men?

    " I say," They're at work, but I'm still here."
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    This morning a council cleaning van blocked

    traffic again. Vehicles hooted n hurled abuse by swearing. The driver of the van had a go at me out the all road users. "What you mean am blocking the road? Am doing my job, you pr1ck!" He shouts. "Well, how convenient for you to do it early morn at rush hour. N who you...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    Make the little things count.

    Teach midgets math.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Just watched a guy trying to push a pull door

    for a quarter of an hour. Ha. You did good, sir. You did good.
    BlossomOfWinterfell BlossomOfWinterfell 13-15, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses 6 days ago

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    Friend: "How old do I look?

    " Me: "Like a fox!" Friend: "..."
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Don't you just hate it

    when you laugh and end up dropping your phone on your face?
    BlossomOfWinterfell BlossomOfWinterfell 13-15, F 4 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    For some reason I prefer anti jokes to real

    ones I guess they're better to me, if you don't know what an anti joke is here's and example, Why did the clown fall off the swing? Because he got shot in the face.
    hummbleguy hummbleguy 13-15, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Because I grew up on Monty Python.

    My father would not allow us to watch it at night on channel 13, so we would sneak down and watch it and try not to laugh too loudly. We also watched wrestling, with Andre the Giant. Our father didn't want us to watch it either, but we caught him watching it late one night...
    mom4ce mom4ce 51-55, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 42 Responses Jul 16

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    A horse walks into a bar.

    The bartender asks the horse what it wants to drink. The horse, unable to speak English, takes a **** on the floor.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    I love to be the one in a group to bring up

    some news story that is so bizarre or crazy that it leaves everyone shocked and with that doubtful look on their faces. I try to keep mental notes to answer the obvious questions that might come up and then I'll challenge the person to go look it up on the internet to confirm...
    VeronicaVee VeronicaVee 36-40, F 16 hrs ago

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    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 28 Responses 1 day ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    LEMONkinks LEMONkinks 18-21, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    I have a hard time keeping conversations

    serious. I just want to say a joke or make a reference to something funny.
    Amiramae Amiramae 22-25, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    I think I just had a small spider crawl on my

    face. I smacked myself with a book. Whatever, as long as the demon spawn died.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 5 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    ​I took my grandmother clothes shopping,

    and she wanted to go into the underwear aisle to look at bras. She was taking so long, I decided to take a selfie while holding up a white bra.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    A butt and a bike meet.

    Butt on bike action ensues.
    thelonerinyourbed thelonerinyourbed 70+, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Knock, Knock Who's there?

    Jehovah's Witness :) ... Hello? ..... Sir? Go away! Sir please, just a moment of your time. If you don't leave I'll make you leave! What do you... *gun shot* ..... Sir?..... Jesus Christ... And that, dear children, is why you don't bother anyone on a Saturday...
    LeonardFinch LeonardFinch 16-17, M 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    My girlfriend was complaining about having

    small breast, so I said, "Don't worry. My boobs are big enough for the both of us."
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 12 Responses Aug 7

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I think i'm mentally ill.

    I laugh at totally random stuff that isn't even funny. It's really awkward ☁️😭
    PassionInYourLife PassionInYourLife 13-15, M 16 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I usually tell myself jokes

    because I seem to be the only one who understands my sense of humour.
    Although Although 13-15 1 Response 2 days ago

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    "Testicles. That is all.

    " - Peter Griffin
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I wish I had a throwaway account to post with

    on some of the stories in this group, "I looked long and hard for the joke, but then I realized it was you" - all in good clean fun, of course! :)
    Faust76 Faust76 36-40, M 1 Response 1 day ago