Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 139,322 People

    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A photon walks into a hotel.

    The lobby clerk asks "May I help you with your bags?" The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light". BAZINGA.
    deleted deleted 26-30 13 Responses Nov 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just because you're trash doesn't mean you

    can't do great things. It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.
    minioreosarebomb minioreosarebomb 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 29 Responses Dec 8

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Christmas is like your job; you do all the work

    and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Put mistletoe in your back pocket at your

    office party so they call all kiss your @ss...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When you try telling a joke

    and start laughing to much before you can finish the joke cuz really it's funny
    lloydieboi14 lloydieboi14 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All rights reserved. No part of this

    publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in...
    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 24 Responses Sep 19

    Your Response

    Cancel
    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What if clouds and lake switched spots

    and every time you looked up you see waves being pulled by the moon and we'd wade through clouds on a hot day. What if birds grew grass and the ground grew feathers. What if flowers were as tall as trees and tress as small as flowers.
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    xPiZzaIsBaex xPiZzaIsBaex 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A 42-year-Russian fisherman was attacked by a

    bear and he was so close to be bitten to death when suddenly he was saved by the ringtone his daughter installed on his mobile phone and justin biber's "baby sent the bear running back to the woods :D
    T0bone T0bone 22-25, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    when your in a kitchen

    and everyone is panicking and I'm just dancing round singing Christmas songs :) actually done more than everyone else some how :p
    lloydieboi14 lloydieboi14 18-21, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses Nov 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So today someone texted me asking

    if I was a male or female and I thought it was funny because my profile says female but my picture looks like a male I like confusing people on my gender I won't tell anyone if I'm male or female but go ahead and guess if you want haha I think it's funny when people can't tell...
    IraGamoran IraGamoran 18-21, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    News headlines: Daniel Radcliffe has been

    kidnapped. *whole family looks at me* Me: What? I'll feed him.
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Let's play the turkey game: Rename a movie

    using the word 'turkey'. My Big Fat Greek Turkey
    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 164 Responses Nov 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I hate it when the voices in my head go silent.

    .. I never know what those f*ckers are planning
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I find it funny how alot of people try to be

    something they aren't; just to impress people. "basic chick" "trying to be a better person when you mess up almost 24/7" ... I make myself laugh when I do the same thing.
    butterflyofchange butterflyofchange 18-21, F 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 20 Responses Nov 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 16 Responses Jul 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Little kid: "im Billy

    and im 5" me: cool. Little kid: "im gonna have a better job then this whem im your age" me: "oh yeah? Well while youre waiting; youre only here because the condom broke, your parents fight all the time because they hate eachother AND you so in a few years theyll ne divorced and...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What do you give the person

    who has everything? NOTHING! problem....solved (this option also works for those idiots who always say: "oh dont get me anything")...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    are socks gloves for your feet

    or are gloves socks for your hands?
    Turtlelicker Turtlelicker 16-17, M 33 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have the deepest and utmost respect

    for men that shove women out the door; gee thanks!!!!!
    extant1 extant1 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 8 Responses Dec 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Welcome to the Indian casino,

    where the smell of Vick's vapor rub, cheap tobacco, and stale coffee intertwine into one amazing scent.... mmmmm smells like victory! ✌️
    AreYouDaft25 AreYouDaft25 31-35, M 2 Responses 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    AIR : the glorious god given substance

    that provides us our very breath of life, while also containing the disgusting, contagious pathogens that will some day kill us.
    MeowOnMe MeowOnMe 18-21, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 9 Responses Aug 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If I tattoo a bottle cap on my hand does

    that make me handicapped?
    minioreosarebomb minioreosarebomb 22-25, M 7 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 63 Responses Jun 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This new-fangled technology is amazing -(STOP)-

    Quite strange how wondrous it can be -(STOP)- Hash tag technology -(STOP)- That was my attempt at sending an instagram -(STOP)- Or was that a telegram -(STOP)- It is all the same to me -(STOP)-
    MissMadHatter MissMadHatter 18-21, T 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Jack and Jill went up the hill

    so Jack can lick her candy. Jack got a shock and a mouthful of c*ck because Jill's real name was randy
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two deer walk into a gay bar,

    when they come out the first deer goes to the other deer "I think I just blew 50 bucks in there" xD
    colourfulskeleton colourfulskeleton 13-15, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This is for the gamers out there.

    Ever wonder if the creatures and alien life forms and whatever enemy you have, converse with each other as you're coordinating with your team? Enemy: " Ahhh here the come! Noo their flanking us, get em! Hurrehsssss, the timer is counting down, we can't let them throouugghhh...
    MasqueradingAs MasqueradingAs 26-30, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The perfect holiday gift

    for every child on your list this year.
    TheMisanthropist TheMisanthropist 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago