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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 130,419 People

    dirtydarkness dirtydarkness 26-30, F 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    A B C D E F G, I want to watch you cry

    and bleed. Drop you from a tree so high, hope you break your neck and die... Wtf is wrong with me haha
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 27 Responses Aug 26

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    I feel like school could have an effect on my

    intelligence due to the annoying pepole and the depressive part of lessons 😂😂😂
    andiloveyou andiloveyou 16-17, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 41 Responses Jul 16

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    “Ok everyone,” said the the instructor at

    the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, that’s purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.” “We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial...
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 16-17, F 9 Responses Aug 17

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    The1960texan The1960texan 51-55, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?

    He had locomotives. Joke Disclaimer: This humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; you may distribute this posting and all its associated parts freely but you may not...
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 10 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    The names bond, polly bond,

    and im here to fill your crack tonight miss ☺️😉😛😛😛😛
    jaybeetree jaybeetree 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    超兄貴 究極...男の逆襲 -- Stage 2 Boss

    Music i can´t stop laughing at this song and i don´t know why LOL XD
    londonlover94 londonlover94 18-21, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    Walk up to a person and be like "Fat penguin"

    and theyll be like "what?" you say "nothing just trying to break the ice"
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 36 Responses Sep 13

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?

    feature=player_detailpage&v=MqArqNqoW3M
    londonlover94 londonlover94 18-21, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?

    v=wHRiAu_jYhM&index=56&list=PLFBA5DD2FE37A46AF
    londonlover94 londonlover94 18-21, F 4 hrs ago

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    So each day to school I wear a wolf tail

    attached to the back of my pants. I wear a wolf hat as well, after school hours because they ban hats during class. At the lunch table the other day, one of my friends was describing her dance that she did at my house but she was too embarrassed to do it in public. So I got up...
    SlothQueen SlothQueen 16-17, F 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 8 Responses Aug 28

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    I just farted on the bus.

    Four people turned around and stared. Felt like i was on the voice
    Vinay2001 Vinay2001 13-15, M 6 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses 5 days ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    So I was being chewed out over texted messages,

    some very hurtful things were said to me. I simply replied, "I'm terribly sorry but I have to go now, bye" My friend asked "how did you respond so nicely to such a rude text?" I replied, "it's all in the finger is use"
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 66 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    A pregnant woman gets into a car accident

    and goes into a coma. After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.The doctor replies, "You had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."The woman...
    RedOctagon RedOctagon 22-25, F 12 Responses Sep 21

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?

    v=ILuqDkiZNVc&feature=player_detailpage
    londonlover94 londonlover94 18-21, F 9 hrs ago

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    Either people get my humor

    or they think I'm really weird :D well nothing wrong with that... Different is good I think. Besides I've always been the weird girl so it all makes sense :) I'm very sarcastic and some people sometimes take it as a mean thing to say when it actually is just my way of joking. I...
    Careisla Careisla 18-21, F 5 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 28 Responses Jul 16

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Vinay2001 Vinay2001 13-15, M 4 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    If life was made of cheddar,

    life would be way better...that was a cheesy line
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    existentialdread existentialdread 13-15, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    londonlover94 londonlover94 18-21, F 9 hrs ago

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 26 Responses Sep 19

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    http://whttp://www.youtube.

    com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=HmZd79mAL7Eww.youtube.com/watch?v=nq0BF9zGkzg&feature=player_detailpage http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPiJJUkBg5g&feature=player_detailpage http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQn1TWZSLsA&feature=player_detailpage http://youtu.be/4j-LdxMMsW4 http...
    londonlover94 londonlover94 18-21, F 9 hrs ago

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    http://9gag.tv/p/a5blR2/bad-lip-reading-gives-the-walking-dead-zombies-catchy-theme-song-talking-dead I just thought this had to be shared! You're welcome! xD
    MissClueless MissClueless 16-17, F 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response