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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 142,704 People

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 9 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 21 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    "No rest is worth anything.

    Except the rest that has been earned." Yes, quite an adourious task t moan about life, shout atyer wifi connection. Night all I deserve my rest.
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 4 days ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    Coworker: how would you describe your sex life

    using only the title of a video game? Boss: left 4 dead Coworker 1: Sonic Me: mass effect Coworker 2: alone in the dark Coworker 3: .......... Goat simulator Lmao wtf 😂
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    TheNeverendingLlama TheNeverendingLlama 18-21, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    That moment when you`re trying to do hula hoop

    but you end up shaking your hips like Shakira wannabe. *sigh*
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    smeckledorfed smeckledorfed 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 71 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Cricket75 Cricket75 36-40, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney

    World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like "excuse me, I’m working here."
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13, 2014

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    "Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word,

    Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college." Homer Simpson
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    5s0s 5s0s 16-17, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I like to say and talk about weird things .

    . people seem to take it the wrong way and judge me LOL
    michellesydney michellesydney 18-21, F 3 Responses 33 mins ago

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    anonamanda001 anonamanda001 16-17, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Being single, I celebrate Independence Day

    twice a year, one in February and one in June (Philippine Independence Day).
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I'm not even on drugs.

    I'm just weird.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Best friend: My stomach hurts,

    I think I may have constipation. Me: Meh. *shrugs* You've always been full of sh1t.
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 1 hr ago

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 11 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    Girls be like: Dear god please send me a man

    that is beautiful, caring, romantic, loving, understanding, a man passionate, who would never cheat on me, always gives me compliments and never criticizes what me and my friends do. Thank you God! And when you do, I'll totally leave him in THE FRIENDZONE. .-.
    CalderReed CalderReed 13-15, M 4 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Why is youre sh*t pointed?

    otherwise youre butthole would close with a bang!
    XUD9 XUD9 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Mselisa Mselisa 18-21, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 2, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    they say you are what you eat

    and i'm a human so...
    trueregret880 trueregret880 13-15, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7, 2014

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    You should look at the background

    before eating a corn dog.
    Lovetocook44 Lovetocook44 51-55, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 23

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    When people look at you

    and then all of a sudden, lick their lips... DARN YOU! I'M NOT EDIBLE, YOU CANNIBAL!
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I wonder if ancestry.

    com has ever been used as a dating site?
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Has anyone ever tried 'the naked man' from How

    I met your mother? curious to know if it works in real life.
    ruscared85 ruscared85 26-30, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    BOO! Why the hell do breaking news alerts only

    happen when I'm trying to watch Ellen on my day off?
    Stickboy1984 Stickboy1984 31-35, M 2 days ago

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    "You know Moe, my mom

    once said something that really stuck with me. She said, 'Homer, you're a big disappointment,' and God bless her soul, she was really onto something." Homer Simpson
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Bbybu Bbybu 22-25, F 2 days ago

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    hannahlulz hannahlulz 18-21, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    SerSean SerSean 18-21, M 2 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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