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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 158,588 People

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    I just found out today

    that the guy I was dating for a couple of weeks is a sexual predator and is posted on the Megan's Law website. FUUUUUN
    jahna1961 jahna1961 51-55, F 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    My doctor told me that I am crazy.

    I said "I want a second opinion" He said "OK, you're ugly too!"
    GJOFJ3 GJOFJ3 56-60, M 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    lawlesslass lawlesslass 36-40, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted 26-30 17 Responses Mar 12

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    xXTaikaXx xXTaikaXx 13-15, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 17 Responses Mar 9

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    My friend thinks I might be good at writing

    erotic stories, but that seems really hard. My friend offered to help, but she's not really gentle when she gives me advice or criticism. She likes to ram it down my throat. Are these sex jokes doing anything for ya?
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    I have a very weird sense of humour

    yet totally random, sometimes I get people thinking "WTF" and they end up laughing. I have no limits when it comes to my sense of humour, I find heaps of stuff funny, from sick twisted dark sense of humour to immature poo jokes. And I am not easily offended either.
    WokenandOpen WokenandOpen 31-35, M 6 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 37 Responses Feb 27

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    I posted this on Facebook

    after I got ran over. Lmao
    DeIuxedEdition DeIuxedEdition 18-21, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Thanks for your order from our sex shop.

    U asked for the large red dilldoo as featured on our wall Please re-select, that is our fire extinguisher!!
    geneprint geneprint 41-45, M 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    People don't think I'm cool,

    but that's OK because my teachers said I didn't think at all.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    Why do shrinks need shrinks.

    Because they know pills dont work. And their sessions with us Create bucket list additions That make them clients. To keep from being fired When the bucket list additions Become urges.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 8 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    https://search.yahoo.

    com/search?p=stick+it+commercial&fr=iphone&.tsrc=apple&pcarrier=C+Spire&pmcc=311&pmnc=230
    dandylion7 dandylion7 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    Life is like a roll of toilet paper.

    The closer it gets to the end the faster it goes!
    silverfox54 silverfox54 61-65, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    Today I had to go to the doctor's office.

    As I sit there I'm thinking, why do they even bother giving you an appointment time if they are going to make you wait anyway. They should say it doesn't matter when it is we were trained by the DMV, just take a number and wait till we call you. If your going to make me wait...
    cmyk323 cmyk323 36-40, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Library lost power. Fancy library.

    Parking lot is solar. But still a power outage. Me asks if solar goes to city. And if city charges them for power. Lol.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    I'm hanging out with my friend,

    and I fart. I tell him he stinks, and he tells me it was me. I said that it was him, and I knew because the sound came from behind me. He responds by saying that's where my *** is. I say, "Yeah. My ***. That's how I knew it was you."
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hey. You. Yes you.

    Pooopeee faced ego. My life experiences trump your degrees. So take what you learned In that overpriced school. And all of those years diagnosing For the pill pushing hoar companies. And go humpp a cactus.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    OrphanBlackFan OrphanBlackFan 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 13

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    I'm listening to Aqua

    and dancing alone in my room... So naturally I'm recording weird videos of myself dancing and making strange faces and sending them to random people in my phone. Sorry Trudy, you're going to wake up to all this *rubs hands all over body* getting down something fierce. Yeeehaw...
    anhonestgirl anhonestgirl 26-30, F 4 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Peter: Oh, no she didn't.

    Joe: Oh, yes she did. Peter: No, she didn't. Joe: Yes, she did. Peter: No, she didn't. Joe: Yes, she did peter, I just saw it! Peter: Alright, take it easy.
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 5 days ago

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    I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance

    by switching my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 5 days ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Some mite say twisted lol !

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    chris7379 chris7379 41-45, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    I came to have sex and drink milk,

    and I've got a gallon of milk to go.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I was talking about selling my body

    for money. My artist friend said she'd let me know if anyone needs a model. I have to admit, that sounds like a much better idea than becoming a ******** since I can't dance.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    U & Me forever this way www.

    nidhisuraj.com There are so many Love Stories in this world. Few stories become so famous but few are unsaid and been buried with time. Few others share their love stories with their friends, while some leave them as sweet memories for themselves within their hearts and few...
    evan003 evan003 18-21, F 4 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 8

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    I'm a professional football player

    and a pathological liar.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 6 days ago

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    Whenever my hydrophobic friend is too afraid to

    get in the pool, I yell "Water you waiting for? Jump in!"
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Response