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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 147,706 People

    I'm off to see the wizard the wonderful Wizard

    of Oz because because because because of the wonderful things he does. I have no idea where that came from. But it's been stuck in my head all day. LOL
    lovlife777 lovlife777 46-50, M 16 hrs ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

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    Sometime I should listen &.

    Think before I open my mouth
    chef59 chef59 51-55, M 1 day ago

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    I have no idea why I find this scene in Shrek

    so god damn funny.. http://youtu.be/4NELXnZlaVw I like that boulder.. That is a NICE boulder
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    The kids text me "plz"

    which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes" .
    tammy96 tammy96 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 10 Responses Mar 3

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    "When life gives you lemons,

    make orange juice and leave the world wondering how the hell you did it."
    Scoodaloop Scoodaloop 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    The life cycle is backwards!

    !! How great this would be if it happened like this...  
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    "I dream of a better tomorrow.

    .. where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned" ...I laughed longer then I should have when I read this...
    Scoodaloop Scoodaloop 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    There's nothing sweeter

    than hearing a man say those three little words... "You were right."
    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    "Whoever said nothing was impossible never

    tried slamming a revolving door."
    Scoodaloop Scoodaloop 18-21, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    I'm have this weird sense of humor

    that one of my best friend (JG) understand and the another best friend (MC) don't... so, MC think is not funny be a son of Allah (it is a joke from JG and me), i mean, i think is hilarious that joke, but just with JG. I mean, MC do not like that joke because she think we...
    HEZED HEZED 18-21, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I tried to form a gang once,

    it turned out to be a book club...
    FabulousGirl FabulousGirl 31-35, F 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    I am not sure this belongs here

    but here goes. Question: What is a sardine? Answer: It's a little bitty fish that smells like a finger.
    jynjyn jynjyn 13-15, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 19 Responses Mar 12

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I'd like to propose a toast: Here's to our wives

    and girlfriends, may they never meet.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 9 Responses Mar 14

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    I like when websites ask "HOW DID YOU HEAR

    ABOUT US?" Haha paranoid much?
    herethereandeverywhere herethereandeverywhere 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    "Dear Gillette, 5 blades on the Fusion is

    enough, chill out." -Seal
    herethereandeverywhere herethereandeverywhere 22-25, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    AltF4 AltF4 22-25, M 6 hrs ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    I think I seen it all,

    until I watched this video of sock puppets covering Slayers "raining blood" https://youtu.be/JL6DDidh_SU
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 26

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    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 10 Responses Jan 26

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    My boyfriend just told me he took me to

    Starbucks the first time we went out because he forgot my name......
    anonamanda001 anonamanda001 18-21, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    how to make me happy: • make me food •

    buy me food • be food • food
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    We had hotdogs for lunch today

    and when my mom came into the kitchen I looked at her and told her "I finally have a wiener!", then I threw the hotdog at her.
    TickleMeCell TickleMeCell 16-17, T 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 20

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    Today I was over a relative's place.

    (They're judgemental and religious btw) We were watching HGTV and two guys are looking for a house together. They were brothers, but it wasn't clear at the time. So the relative makes a grossed out face and says, "I don't want to see some gay men!" and changes the channel. Then...
    KyrBella KyrBella 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    KylieKaat KylieKaat 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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