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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 108,212 People

    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    Roses are black, violets are black,

    my garden is black....Im blind !! Haha
    TrooperShine TrooperShine 22-25, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    I had a girl stare me down today at work.

    At first I took it as some sort of interest, but as I started looking back at her, the look she was giving me became more of an angry glare. Once again, my luck with women becomes clear to me.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I find it funny how everything you say becomes

    p3rv3rted when you add: "if you know what I mean" and a grin. "Hi, I'm Ansonicchi, if you know what I mean." *grin* "Here's your today's paper, if you know what I mean." *grin* "I'm going to the bathroom, if you know what I mean." *grin* "Wanna have lunch? If you know what I...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 8 Responses Jun 16

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    Sometimes I talk to myself in an accent.

    My parents accents, cause I think they are funny. They were both born in Iran so they have like a middle eastern accent. Nerds lol I love my mom.
    MyaA13 MyaA13 13-15, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    True Story: I was about to get into shower an

    hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second before I started to untie the cord to my robe ... and suddenly she was gone
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 8 Responses Mar 29

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    Stranger: "You have a nice face!

    " Me: "Thanks, my parents gave it to me."
    Lunarflowerrr Lunarflowerrr 22-25, F 6 Responses Apr 17

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    lexa2041 lexa2041 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 10 Responses Feb 13

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    love inappropriate humor.

    or racist jokes. the type of stuff a number if people would get offended about, but the rest would kinda just chuckle
    RavenRena17 RavenRena17 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    HighOnMisery HighOnMisery 13-15, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Ok so I had just gotten on this site

    and they're was this guy who wouldn't leave me alone. He was so irritating he kept asking for pictures of my underwear soaked with *** so I got fed up and took a pair of my sister's panties and put conditioner mixed with water in them and sent him a pic of it. He totally...
    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 11 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    There is nothing better then someone you can be

    weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
    deleted deleted 26-30 15 Responses Mar 18

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    When it's super hot outside,

    Me: "😫 Damn it's hotter than Harry Potter!!!" Person I'm with at the time : 😒 "that doesn't makes any sense" Me: 😒 "but it rhymes"
    LovelyLadyJ LovelyLadyJ 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Sometimes I'll make normal

    or weird things seem funny to me. I like Japanese TV prank torture shows too XD
    skyalarm skyalarm 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 33 Responses a week ago

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    So I was at work hanging out with a couple of

    coworkers and one of them left for a sec. I started joking to the one who stayed about how I think the other one is evil and she's really weird. I mean, who wouldn't find that funny? Lol she just gave me a weird look and asked why I would say something like that. Apparently she...
    jeyy90 jeyy90 22-25, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    Balloons are weird. Like Happy Birthday.

    Here is a plastic sack full of my breath.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 8 Responses May 31

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    LEMONkinks LEMONkinks 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I think the Tour de France would be more

    interesting if the racers all had to wear different themed costumes each day of the race. Superhero day would be awesome! Who wouldn't want to watch Batman race Superman on a bike?
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 66 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    Why did the girl throw the butter of the window.

    ...... To see a butterfly... Lol
    jesikahluv jesikahluv 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    I love having an injury on my middle finger; It

    allows me to flick a person off six inches away from their face with no repercussions.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    The other day I had to fill out another

    criminal background check for updated records at work. (I'm a CMA at a health care center for seniors) I decided to be...well a smart *** I guess and where it asked if I was ever convicted of committing a crime I put down yes, where it asked what, I wrote down killing time...
    MiriamL MiriamL 22-25, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    A guy gets home early from work

    and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year...
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 5 Responses Dec 26, 2013

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    I like watch satelite Tv comedy.

    Some people think Family Guy Simpsons part 2 but I think very funny. And English version office funnier than American one
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    My best friend said she liked Eric Northman,

    (from Trueblood) in his Nazi uniform and I laughed and said plot twist you are actually jewish,she died laughing and I did to but kinda felt bad considering Nazi's are just horrible....
    jesikahluv jesikahluv 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Have you ever in your life seen a cow washed

    and blow dried hahaha well here you go haha :)
    TrooperShine TrooperShine 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I have seen the apex of human engineering at

    work today. The shower wall mounted Fleshlight exists. Marvel at mankind's greatness!
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    I was in "that"aisle

    and my mother was a few steps away but I was being lazy so me being the awesome person that I am,I yelled at her "MOM DO YOU THINK ITS TIME FOR YOU TO STOP USING TAMPONS IF YOU KEEP PLUGGING IT UP ILL NEVER GET A BROTHER"😂😂 It was awesome my mom was mortified and I couldn...
    spanishcowboys4eva spanishcowboys4eva 16-17, F 11 Responses May 6

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Would a stun gun stop a cootie infected person.

    Ok there are 3 cootie infected girls running loose in my neighborhood attacking people they see nearby infecting them with cooties. How there cooties are spreaded is a kiss on the mouth. It's getting to the point where I can't go outside to check the mail without my metal...
    earreola earreola 22-25, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    suzannah98 suzannah98 16-17, F 3 Responses Apr 14

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    If you fall off of a skyscraper go limp

    and pretend you're a dummy. Someone might see you and say "Hey look, Free dummy" then they might try to catch you.
    pardax pardax 13-15, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 24 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    I feel as though rap music has convinced me

    that all women want to **** me or s*ck me. I assume that isn't true, though.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    What's black and white

    and if it falls out of a tree will kill you? ---- a piano
    t1dus10 t1dus10 22-25, M 4 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    faithomfg faithomfg 16-17, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    If Lil' Wayne's first name was Damian,

    all would be right with the universe.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction)

    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” –Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 18 Responses Oct 13, 2011

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    lizzie2u lizzie2u 31-35, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

    Lean beef What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
    t1dus10 t1dus10 22-25, M 3 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...