Post

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 93,908 People

    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 24 Responses Jan 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 13 Responses Apr 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Yea. Anti jokes, creepy jokes,

    jokes that probably aren't considered jokes. I guess I'm just weird. Oh, yea we can't forget my horrible/loud laugh that really tops things off! 😂😂😂
    ashley359 ashley359 13-15, F 5 Responses Apr 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 11 Responses Mar 1

    Your Response

    Cancel
    broadwaybabe99 broadwaybabe99 13-15, F 4 Responses Mar 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A really disinterested,

    bored teenage shop assistant roboticly said to me, as I came out of the changing room after I tried on a pair of Jeans, "How do they fit?". I replied "They are really, really tight do you have them in a smaller size" She came back and with the next size down !!!!!!!!
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The 12 Stages Of Drunkenness

    0 – Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet. 1 – Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being. 2 – Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse. 3 – Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 14 Responses Feb 9, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel
    suzannah98 suzannah98 16-17, F 4 Responses Apr 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ariannexo ariannexo 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I laugh out of no wear

    and than people look at me like is he crazy
    blueplasma blueplasma 13-15, M 1 Response Apr 15

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am turned on by being humiliated,

    how unfortunate is that that I have to be completely humiliated to get off? Oh well, I'm looking for someone who enjoys humiliating, anybody? Inbox me!
    soontobesissy19 soontobesissy19 18-21, M 2 Responses Apr 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    True Story: I was about to get into shower an

    hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second before I started to untie the cord to my robe ... and suddenly she was gone
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 8 Responses Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee...

    - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You lick your coffeepot clean. - You're the employee of the month at the...
    SilentBluemoon SilentBluemoon 36-40, F 5 Responses May 5, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to

    do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her a$$ Now his two front teeth are missing
    TrentKandinski TrentKandinski 18-21, M 3 Responses Mar 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There is nothing better then someone you can be

    weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
    deleted deleted 26-30 15 Responses Mar 18

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I want to steal a donut truck

    and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watchin cops chase a donut truck on the news.
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I ******* laugh at too much

    and some things aren't funny at all that other people laugh at lol if that makes sense
    lysschris lysschris 13-15, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Earlier today, I was having a Youtube-a-thon,

    and I found a "Call Me Maybe" Google Translate parody, where the song was put through a bunch of different languages and then translated back to English. I decided to try it with Katy Perry's "Roar". Here it is having gone through English, Japanese, Albanian, Croatian...
    Transparency Transparency 13-15, F 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Yeah me too. Most don't get my humor

    and I'm usually the only one laughing but at least I amuse myself
    greengemini greengemini 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "I AM STRONG!!! I AM THE GREAT HUMONGOUS!

    !!!!!!" "Yes... yes we all know you're The Great Humongous..." "I was just saying." "Oh you're always just saying!"
    Mike389 Mike389 31-35, M 1 Response Apr 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I've been asked by a friend,

    "Why are you still single? You're 20 years old and haven't had a girlfriend? What are you looking for?" I answered, "Nothing special, I just want a kind and of course, pretty girlfriend." I chuckled. He asked again, "There are plenty of your type out there!" I replied with a...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 4 Responses Apr 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Stranger: "You have a nice face!

    " Me: "Thanks, my parents gave it to me."
    Lunarflowerrr Lunarflowerrr 22-25, F 5 Responses a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow.

    " "She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow." "I had a nice lance that she sat upon." "The maiden from Stonebury who is also your mom." I love Jimmy from the new South Park game. Best song ever.
    KingLlnk KingLlnk 22-25, M Apr 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F 1 Response a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why didnt the skeleton cross the road?

    he didnt have the guts....hahaha i should just stop now
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Its not that the clown couldn't juggle.

    .. He just didn't have the balls to. XD
    JoshyMC JoshyMC 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    JoshyMC JoshyMC 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My friend thinks he's smart.

    He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 5 Responses Mar 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 28 Responses Nov 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Divorce Hearing.

    A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Nov 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am going to have a really bad day.

    . forgot half of my cloths at home.. and i'm travelling with friends..School trip....
    adrinnasweet adrinnasweet 18-21, F 6 Responses Apr 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    bad jokes crack me up better

    than a good joke
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 7 Responses Apr 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm always the one making like jokes

    that don't make sense and then I'm the only one who laughs at them. But my besties get my sense of humor... Sometimes.
    BBBritPlease BBBritPlease 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So my cousin and I haven't seen each other in

    years (she lives in Canada), we decided to Skype to know what the other one's doing, how's life going for us, you know, random stuff that people talk about. Me: So, you've got no work today? Her: Yeah, all alone and stuck at home with nothing to do but Skype with my cousin...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 6 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F 1 Response 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 10 Responses Feb 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 45 Responses Mar 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    :/

    do I have to listen to maroon 1 2 3 and 4 before listening to maroon 5?
    jessvaughn24 jessvaughn24 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes I try to be funny only to be laughed

    at! Which I don't mind if it's too funny to hold from laughing about. So flashback to high school, I was in line in the ladies room waiting to use the toilet. Once it came my turn, I went in did my thing and I purposely left strings of toilet paper hanging out from the back of...
    leimomo leimomo 26-30, F 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A small balding man storms into a local bar

    and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one...
    MaryRiddle3 MaryRiddle3 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today I was driving around town looking at the

    different colors of cars ... And I decided to call then race cars you know back,white,red, brown, etc... Do you think some feel less accepted? Not liked just because of their color?
    Joysuny1 Joysuny1 51-55, F 1 Response 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Zack607 Zack607 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction)

    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” –Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 23 Responses Oct 13, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    While I was being given a tour of a mental

    asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, “How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?” The doctor answered, “We have a standard test. We fill up a bathtub with water, then give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him or her to...
    rafael1983 rafael1983 31-35, M 5 Responses Jan 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Candylover2015 Candylover2015 13-15, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A guy gets home early from work

    and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year...
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 5 Responses Dec 26, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When going on a roller coaster bring nuts

    and bolts with you, lean to the person in front of you and say: "Whoa dude, these came out of your seat!"
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Mar 1

    Your Response

    Cancel
    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 66 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The guy next door just arrogantly challenged me

    to a water balloon fight..so i thought id write this as i wait for the water to boil..
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 6 Responses Mar 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have a less than average sense of humor

    but I live every minute of it
    Maddya Maddya 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me and my bros share **** pics cause we think

    it's hilarious. And tbh we've sent some pretty funny ones lol
    johnny6505 johnny6505 18-21, M 8 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel