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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 134,159 People

    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 9 Responses May 6

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    Everyone is weird in their own way.

    Plus, who doesn't love weird humor?
    GuacIsExtra GuacIsExtra 13-15, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 8 Responses Aug 28

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    Im going to start deleting people from facebook

    who i think might hashtag my wedding if i i ever get married...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 41 Responses Jul 16

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I'm the kind of friend

    who will help you hide a dead body but if you betray me, just remember i know HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY. Sorry just titting.. You're my breastfriend xD
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    They say money talks.

    ...mine just waves goodbye.. #truestory
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 7 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    I didnt say i hated my boss,

    i said; i hope.she has her next period in a shark tank....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 26 Responses Sep 19

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    I'm the type of guy who would laugh during a

    funeral just because of the awkward silence..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    I get my daily dose of funnies from looking at

    memes from thechive.com & theberry.com even at work/class. I am not ashamed. KCCO!
    lolacottontail lolacottontail 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I have a condition that prevents me from

    dieting....i get hungry.
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Next time a bully asks you

    for your lunch money, tell him you left it on his mothers dresser...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Guys who go downtown more,

    get more sandwiches made for them....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    if i was super hot i would get rid of every

    picture of me and then post noods and then run away so that my noods would b my missing pic
    paleprincess paleprincess 13-15, F 7 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    My co-worker Andreah: "when i text you

    and ask you what you're doing, what I REALLY mean is; come over and eat my p#ssy"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Oct 18

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    Some girls should be restricted from wearing

    yoga pants, i just saw a camel toe that looked like a queen size mattress folded in half....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Saying; "and sh!t" at the end of every sentence,

    makes anything sound gangster: "me and Brad are playing tennis in Malibu and sh!t"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Things I hate: -people

    who touch my food -people who touch -people
    msilver msilver 16-17, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 7 Responses Aug 21

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    Jehovahs witnesses dont celebrate halloween ,

    (i guess they dont like a bunch of annoying f#cktards knocking on their doors)
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Hey are you an angel?

    Cuz when you fell, sh!t, something heaven, did it hurt? Oh hell just take your pants off....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    This was taken at a friends gathering I have it

    on my Facebook profile! I took a picture of these two bunnies getting it on! The female which apparently was the one on the bottom was making noise. I didn't know bunnies make noise when getting it on. It didn't sound like moaning though! It sounded like two balloons rubbing...
    ThereIsNoName ThereIsNoName 31-35, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    If you've never jumped from one couch to

    another to avoid lava, then you never had a childhood.
    eyumscloset eyumscloset 16-17, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

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    Ever notice that cats look at you like

    theyre contemplating killing you in your sleep?
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

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    CLAPPING=Repeatedly high-fiving yourself

    for someone else's accomplishments. HUHhh
    Guanabana Guanabana 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    So a girl I'm talking to tells me her favorite

    song of ALL TIME is one that came out a couple weeks ago...... time to cut ties right?
    AreYouDaft25 AreYouDaft25 31-35, M 12 Responses Oct 11

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 28 Responses Aug 26

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    I don't wanna sleep rn bc I feel like my

    underwear is on fire soo ha haaha
    imcrazybitch imcrazybitch 22-25, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I can tell that I have a very weird sense of

    humor because everytime when I say a joke it involve sex
    Alex560892 Alex560892 22-25, M 5 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    Guys who wear skinny jeans: i think youve taken

    the phrase: "getting into HER pants" completely the wrong way...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    So I was explaining my worries about my

    upcoming operation at the time to someone and all they turned round and said was "I don't like the name Gemma for starters" and this scene from Friend's came to my mind....
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    Dont hate me cuz i have

    so many tattoos, hate me cuz your girlfriend likes them....
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010