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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 139,524 People

    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    Finally some funny road rage.

    Haha I love this. Crazy Russia ... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AIBp-xnXv74
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 3 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    I notice in book stores there's a lot of

    artsy-fartsy dudes with scarves around their necks. *takes scarf off, looks around, puts in Lost & Found*
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses Nov 22

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    Touching things that say,

    "DO NOT TOUCH" because you're the fearless bastard.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 24 Responses Sep 19

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    A photon walks into a hotel.

    The lobby clerk asks "May I help you with your bags?" The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light". BAZINGA.
    deleted deleted 26-30 13 Responses Nov 5

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 8 Responses Oct 18

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    ThePixie123 ThePixie123 16-17, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    NatashaRose NatashaRose 18-21, F 19 hrs ago

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    Idk, some photos you've taken are SO

    meaningless, they have a way of meaning something to you ... Go figure?? :/ lol
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Do suicide bombers have to demonstrate their

    skill in order to graduate?
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    sparklestef sparklestef 22-25, F 20 Responses Nov 28

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    I find jokes about depression,

    anxiety, eating disorders, etc. funny because I can relate and it makes me laugh
    oliveyouberrymuch oliveyouberrymuch 18-21, F 38 mins ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16

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    Saw this earlier and had to laugh.

    We have a lot of these around the house and keep literally anything in them haha.
    Env06 Env06 26-30, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 17 Responses Dec 13

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    spent night in jail.merry christmas people.

    and a happy ******* new year too
    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 4 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31

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    Welcome to the Indian casino,

    where the smell of Vick's vapor rub, cheap tobacco, and stale coffee intertwine into one amazing scent.... mmmmm smells like victory! ✌️
    AreYouDaft25 AreYouDaft25 31-35, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14

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    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just please read photo .

    .. Hahahahaha
    Seemlessunspeakablesomething Seemlessunspeakablesomething 26-30, M 6 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 2

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    I like to watch horror films

    and find discrepancies in the movie. I also laugh when other people usually are in shock and awe.
    cheche80 cheche80 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    xPiZzaIsBaex xPiZzaIsBaex 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    Does anyone like to take a step back

    and watch people from a third person perspective? Watching people go about doing their dumb stuff is humorous.
    vffries vffries 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I don't find myself unattractive,

    but l also don't find myself attractive. I feel like I'm just sort of here, not something that really grabs anyone's attention. Sort of like a chair. Or maybe a lamp
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

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    NatashaRose NatashaRose 18-21, F 19 hrs ago

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    Suicide bomb instructor to students.

    "Pay attention now. I'm only showing you this once"
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 1 day ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 29 Responses Dec 8

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    The awkward moment when you gently toss your

    phone on your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock down 2 lamps, and kill a cat.
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 1 hr ago

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    I think this speaks

    for itself...
    miteinen miteinen 22-25, F 6 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    i would like to thank the staff of ep at this

    time for censoring my parody of a popular holiday classic,thank you very much,and pardon my vernacular.i guess its alright for other posts to say sexually explicit things which i will not list here.i wouldnt have enough time in my day to do so.thanks again,and **** you too...
    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I got a job rejection email two days

    before Christmas. I guess timing is everything. They seem to have rejected all the applicants, as the job was just re-posted--without any changes. Go figure...I found it amusing.
    taxformspointman taxformspointman 56-60, M 10 mins ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 69 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 10 Responses Aug 28

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20

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    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 4 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 63 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 16 Responses Jul 7

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2

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    nataliebarger nataliebarger 18-21, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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