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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 170,552 People

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    bigunsatx bigunsatx 36-40, M 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 26-30, F 12 Responses Feb 26, 2015

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    You can't argue with a sick mind.

    You can tune a piano,but you can't tuna fish.But,seriously.
    Pablo56692112 Pablo56692112 56-60, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    i enjoyed watching this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i17pORf_iE4
    xkmb xkmb 56-60 Jan 27

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    I know a word that starts with F

    and ends with UCK. Firetruck.
    czen czen 26-30, M Jan 27

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 46-50, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    deleted deleted 26-30 14 Responses Mar 13, 2015

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    JustBipolarMe JustBipolarMe 46-50, M 5 days ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 18-21, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    bigunsatx bigunsatx 36-40, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 17 Responses Jan 1, 2015

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 17 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    stomach mad, butthole sad I thought of this

    after I ate a hotdog for dinner and got rlly bad poop
    goodatnothing goodatnothing 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 26-30, F 30 Responses Feb 27, 2015

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    Another hookup hazard

    that we could learn from: When considering on saying 'Yes' to a match, never assume that a generous-sized c*ck doesn't come with an annoyingly humongous d*ckhead.
    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 4 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 8 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 9 Responses Jan 28, 2015

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    I'm just.. gonna leave this here.

    . http://iwritebadfanfiction.tumblr.com/post/55838401974/blue
    Brothergoro Brothergoro 18-21 1 Response Jan 26

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    I lost my teeth in a bike accident

    while impressing someone!!!!
    fahad7khan fahad7khan 18-21, M 1 Response a week ago

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    Newconvo1 Newconvo1 41-45, M 1 Response a week ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Jan 8, 2015

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 23, 2015

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 59 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    JustBipolarMe JustBipolarMe 46-50, M 4 Responses Jan 29

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 6 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    I laugh at some things

    that I probably shouldn't laugh at :/
    Sicgoat173 Sicgoat173 16-17, F 1 Response 40 mins ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Azuriela Azuriela 41-45, F 5 Responses Jan 25

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 12, 2015

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    Geekjunk Geekjunk 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20, 2015

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 25 Responses Mar 14, 2015

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 16 Responses Mar 9, 2015

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    I think Crocs are the best contraceptive

    invented. Who would get turned on seeing someone on those ?
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 11 Responses Jul 15, 2015

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    Humans tend to dramatize everything they

    experience and blow it way out of proportion. As a human myself I am not exempt from that behavior :)
    Hush92 Hush92 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 27

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    Hey guys x) Why'd Sally fall off the swing?

    Cause she had no arms!! Knock knock Who's there? Not sally you selfish arm having bastard ! My dad told me this and i laugh so hard just thinking about it hahahaha
    MaeEmlynn MaeEmlynn 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 28

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    Trust me, as a Sikh man you never wanna hear a

    Singhni say to you... "Singh, can you like tie your dastaar properly, please..." And am like "Can mind your own Business, please?" ESPECIALLY when you dnt know her.
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M a week ago

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    I don't know today I read this book about this

    EMO guy and now I can't help but think "I want an EMO boyfriend or bestfriend" 😂😳??
    dyingflower16 dyingflower16 16-17, F Jan 28

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 6 Responses Mar 3, 2015

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    xkmb xkmb 56-60 1 Response Jan 28

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    Most of my jokes fall flat with people.

    I suppose that's because I don't find sexual and offensive jokes amusing and don't use them. Because of that, I kinda prefer pranks. I actually "Tigger bounced" one of my friends, scared him half to death.
    Machina24 Machina24 18-21, M 5 Responses 6 days ago

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