Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 161,656 People

SEND TO A FRIEND:

    I meditate. I burn scented candles,

    and I STILL want to smack some people. I need a stiff drink, and a friend. Or, maybe just a stiff friend
    PJBelle PJBelle 46-50, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 7 Responses Dec 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 36 Responses Jul 16, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    xkmb xkmb 51-55 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Next time I ride on roller coaster,

    I'm gonna bring some spare bolts with me. The moment it reaches the highest point, I'm gonna tap the person in front of me and say, "These fell out of your seat."
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Whenever I'm upset and someone tells me to

    breath to calm down, I tell them that breathing gives me gas. Even when I'm upset I can make jokes.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 16 Responses Mar 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 18-21, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Jarpad, you're not allowed to have peanut

    butter and jelly sandwiches! he thinks he's a person!
    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It'd be really funny to project a movie into

    someone else's house then watch it from outside the window.
    WonderingWillow11 WonderingWillow11 26-30, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ahhh! I saw a huge wolf spider in my room last

    night. I jumped up to kill it and the only thing that I could find was some glitter body spray, so I sprayed it!!!! now the little fool won't stop twerking and is demanding that I call it Candy!?!?!?
    Serendipitydoda Serendipitydoda 46-50, M 3 Responses Aug 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    RogueLogic RogueLogic 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

    Your Response

    Cancel
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    HR representative asks

    for team building exercise suggestions..... me: *shouts* ***** poker
    kunfirekun kunfirekun 22-25, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I thought about buying a book on curbing

    procrastination but i figured I'd do it another day.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like that boulder,

    that is a nice boulder....
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So today at the gym my maintenance guy found a

    hole in the wall of the female locker room. I've no idea who drilled it but I'm looking into it. Ba Da Dump.
    BJGiff BJGiff 46-50, M 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    thekingwizard thekingwizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm not a jerk, so don't call me a ****.

    I'm a nice guy, so call me a penice.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 35 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted 26-30 17 Responses Mar 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    You know it's about time to unfriend

    that person on FB when messages go like: You: :D Sender: :) You: :D Sender: :) You: :D Sender :)You: :D Sender: :) You: :D Sender: :) You: :D Sender :)You: :D Sender: :) You: :D Sender: :) You: :D Sender :)You: :D Sender: :) You: :D Sender: :) You: :D Sender :)You: :D Sender...
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Every so often when the alarm goes off in the

    morning and we wake up I'll turn over and look at my wife and then act like i'm hopping up in a complete panic and start screaming "Who the hell are you and where is my wife???!!!!!!" It makes for a good jolt of adrenaline in the morning plus it makes the kids giggle with...
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 17 Responses Jan 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No matter how old I get I still can't take a

    kielbasa out of its package without verbally or mentally making a sexual reference.
    BJGiff BJGiff 46-50, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    purpledogyawn purpledogyawn 22-25, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Love is like gas: I have a lot to give,

    but nobody wants it. :P
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    MeGaMatt88 MeGaMatt88 26-30, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day

    reduces your chance of giving a crap.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Super bored anyone up

    for a convo?
    Onewingedangel145 Onewingedangel145 13-15, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me and my best friend,

    Knee, are dumb.
    dakotadm dakotadm 18-21, F 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If I had a healthy sense of self skepticism,

    I'd either be a rocket scientist... or a mediocre middle class worker... well... sh!t
    tallis0in0chains tallis0in0chains 31-35, F 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me: I just wanted to know,

    did it hurt? Teacher: Did what hurt? Me: Getting that stick up your ***. Teacher: *writes office referral* Me: It was worth it.
    deethepoet deethepoet 16-17, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel