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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 121,434 People

    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    It's really dry and caustic,

    sometimes self- depreciating. Most people don't understand my sense of humor.
    ajrestless ajrestless 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    I swear when I'm joking,

    people think I'm being serious. But when I'm being serious, they think I'm joking. Screw logic.
    Zephyix Zephyix 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    So I made a joke on one of theses,

    do vampires get STDs? And have made several others since then. However the vampire post has received the most comments amd hearts than just about any other one I've made. Why? Is it the vampires or the mention of sex, even the barest mention of it?
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    This is a stupid joke

    that I've loved since Kindergarden. Once there was a kid named Butt-iches. The kid just moved to a new town and started a new school. Teacher: Class this is our new student, what's your name? The boy replies "My name is Butt-iches". The teacher is shocked and asks again...
    ThatRobotChick ThatRobotChick 18-21, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    GALILEO: Great mind. EINSTEIN: Genius mind.

    NEWTON: Extraordinary mind. BILL GATES: Brilliant mind. ME: NEVER MIND. Lol. Just read this somewhere and just thought of sharing this to everyone here. =)
    JustOrdinaryGirl JustOrdinaryGirl 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Faiithh Faiithh 16-17, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    eating salad at mc. donals is also like going

    to poop and coming out just farting!!!
    nishnishnish nishnishnish 26-30, M 3 days ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Perfect family!!! lmao 😂 having a good time

    with the bae 😆😂😂 lol jkjk
    adry39 adry39 18-21, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 10 Responses Aug 17

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    Women always call ugly

    until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    I laugh at alot of things

    even though others think they are not funny at all sometimes it is really terrible
    anestacia anestacia 16-17, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I can make really conceited jokes,

    even though I'm far from conceited. My jokes can even be kind of rude, I'm sarcastic almost all of the time, and I dislike the fact that when someone hears one of my jokes, whether it be conceited, sexual, or rude, they automatically think that I must have no friends because of...
    lunalancing lunalancing 16-17, F 1 day ago

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    I stared at her n she stared at me

    for a good hour. Then I finally said... "Nice hair." Smiling, I realised she too was shy. "You have a bogey coming out yer nose. Sat here for an hour thinking how I should tell you... and if I should or not." *Wipe my nose with a hanky* Now I say... "Nice smile." To...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    I came up to my friend

    and yelled "expect, the unexpected!!!!! 0-0" then slapped him. He said "now what was that for?" I said "did you expect it? No? You have failed me" *backs away slowly*
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I laughed really hard,

    to the point of tears, watching the "iD Gum" commercial with the eagle in it, when it caws! Every time. I don't know why!
    RedOctagon RedOctagon 22-25, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    Why did Sally fall off the swing?

    .... Because she had no arms. Knock knock .... Who's there? .... ...... Well Not Sally!
    Gdb0 Gdb0 36-40, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    meokeju meokeju 22-25, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses Aug 22

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    When I was very young my grandparents used to

    watch my younger sister and I. My grandmother, who was an amazing woman that I miss very much, told me when you don't know what to do, smile. It has since, believe made me have the strangest sense of humor, and I love it. It has also caused me to be happier. Even in...
    lilHuman lilHuman 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    My friend was drinking milk,

    so I opened my eyes really wide, got nose to nose with him and said with a squeaky voice: "Don't choke cause if you choke you die!!!!!!! O-O" milk. Was. Everywhere. Haha
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 11 Responses Aug 24

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    I love "trolling" (which has a lot of

    definitions, from playful playing to serious harrassment, I do the first said) and I love really short, stupid kinda words. I know right, weirddd xD Here's an example of both combined. Notice the stupidity of the question combined with short words making a trolling question :)
    LindavdB LindavdB 13-15, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 31 Responses Jul 16

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 22 hrs ago

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    "If my *** looked as good

    as your face, I'd be proud to moon people." - Me, jokingly flirting
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Sometimes I wish I was double jointed

    so I could literally kick my own ***. Though having two joints sounds good too.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Every time I watch a zombie movie

    or play a zombie game, anything that involves blood and guts, I want to eat something squishy and drink Koolaid out of my skull cup. I also tend to put the strawberry ice cream on the top cause I like to pretend I'm eating brains. Mmmm grey matter
    ThatRobotChick ThatRobotChick 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    What is something that no one reads

    but is forced to accept? Terms and Conditions
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 27 Responses 6 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Ya... I always laugh

    when people die in movies
    helloworldsecretunicorn helloworldsecretunicorn 13-15 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 43 Responses Jul 16

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    Ya... I always laugh

    when people die in movies
    helloworldsecretunicorn helloworldsecretunicorn 13-15 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    all i have to say is yes

    because this is literally me ^
    PeaceAndLove1 PeaceAndLove1 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago