Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 145,939 People

    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    They say there is safety in numbers.

    Try telling that to 6 million Jews.
    Xplictt Xplictt 22-25, M 5 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 49 Responses a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once I thought LGBT was a sandwich.

    .. Lettuce, Glitter, Bacon, Tomato? #teamlesbian
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 16-17, F 13 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 16-17, F 12 Responses Jan 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Doesnt mean I have a crude sense of humour,

    I am open to solicitations.
    AcousticAnne1 AcousticAnne1 26-30, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was at the post office.

    Behind the counter on the wall was a motivational poster. It had a picture of the Great Wall of China and something written about working together to achieve great things. I said to her "That a motivational poster with the great Wall of China? ". "yes" she replied. "you know...
    Ulfhednar74 Ulfhednar74 36-40, M 7 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Going to McDonald's for a salad makes about

    as much sense as going to a hooker for a hug.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 11 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 22-25 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 16-17, F 13 Responses Jan 11

    Your Response

    Cancel
    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    1935 was not the one all the credit cards have

    been pulled away a year macys is entertainment for a moose
    Arepootasrealpeopleoraliens Arepootasrealpeopleoraliens 51-55, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I often hold myself back in public,

    rejection really messes with my head so having a weird sense of humour kinda sucks.
    JackH19 JackH19 18-21, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I want to get a pool,

    and name it "P*ssy", so whenever my friends ask me what I'm doing that day, I can tell them I'll be swimming in P*ssy, and if I drown in the pool, my family and friends can tell people I died drowning in P*ussy.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    this isn't my joke, but it was funny,

    don't shoot the messenger as they say, but anyway, here we go: Why isn't there a Walmart in Afghanistan? Because there's a Target on every corner :P (it might take a while, you'll get it eventually)
    nighthawk56 nighthawk56 16-17, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Shetland Pony walks into a bar

    and in a low, gruff, almost gravelly voice says "Hey bartender, bring me a beer". Of course the bartender obliges and as he serves the beer says "Dude, what's wrong with your voice?" The pony replies "Sorry, I'm a little hoarse ".
    JessicaDale JessicaDale 51-55 5 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    And I know this, and it's cool but-at times

    most people don't get me , and that kinda makes for a long night, and a lot of explaining and that just does something too me, so I would rather be quiet that speak, I mean sometimes I just want to hang about with a guy who gets me and when I say something witty he stops for a...
    amie26 amie26 31-35, F 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When I get low on money I start thinking

    irrationally like "what if I hadn't spend that 10$ back in 2004?"
    dvkota dvkota 16-17, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 26-30, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unfortunately for me my humor always comes out

    at the worst times -_- For instance my friend fell down a flight of stairs injuring her ankle right before a volleyball game a couple of years ago. Instead of saying "are you okay" like the other 20 or so girls on my team I looked at the giant bag of ice on her ankle- they could...
    WhoNeedsAUsername WhoNeedsAUsername 16-17, F 12 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    KarmaKit KarmaKit 41-45, F 12 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 21 Responses Dec 13, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    omg I love watching fights

    and found this video that is so amazing... poor guy just got brutalized lol
    amyjones99 amyjones99 13-15, F 1 Response 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Don't you hate it when you use the bathroom at

    your friend's house and they hide the plunger???
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel
    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I need supervision when in public

    or crap like this happens.
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Black Widow Baby" is an instantly better song

    if you think about an actual baby black widow spider.
    vivianvulpes vivianvulpes 22-25, F 1 Response 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "I used to think the brain was the most

    wonderful organ in my body. And then I realized who was telling me this." - Emo Phillips
    Bluejay1812 Bluejay1812 26-30, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 17 Responses Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 16-17, F 12 Responses Jan 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Steps To Survive A Horror Movie: Never say ”

    I`ll be back,” because odds are, your *** ain't coming back...
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 16-17, F 12 Responses Jan 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ad: "Simple way to eliminate years on your

    face" [Photo: close up of smiling model's face with diarrhea face-mask].
    urbanseeker urbanseeker 22-25, M 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel