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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 156,149 People

    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    This has nothing to do with my taste in music,

    just stumbled upon it, but listen to this ****: "From the instant "Yonkers" begins, that creepy, paranoid chord makes us glance over our shoulders, anticipating a raised knife ready to be plunged into our backs. Tyler intensifies the reaction by introducing a shaky synth that...
    CaptainHoof CaptainHoof 18-21, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    in the street, everytime i see someone i

    imagine him/her bald and i start laughing all alone like an idiot hahah.
    buddiesj buddiesj 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    So I had this argument with this girl.

    She said that it's unfair that if guys sleep with a different girl every single week, he's considered a legend, but if a girl sleeps with 2 different guys in one year she is considered a S L * T. So I told her in response to that question: "If a key opens lots of locks, then...
    kimchiaddict kimchiaddict 36-40, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Louuann Louuann 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    "I'm stuck in the basement,

    sitting on a tricycle, girl gettin on my nerves. Going out of my mind, I thought she was fine, don't know if her body is hers!" I don't know why but that just popped into my head.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 26-30, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    I crack myself up to near crying almost every

    day. If I'm driving down the road I'll sing songs in a ****** up voice and change the lyrics around to amuse myself. Sometimes I give myself the finger in the mirror all non blinking and game faced and laugh and laugh. So stupid.
    BrokenViking BrokenViking 31-35, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    PIZZA DOG PIZZA DOG, PUT EM IN THE OVEN AND

    WATCH HIM GROW. PIZZA DOG PIZZA DOG, BOW BOW SHUT YO MOUTH.
    itsybitsyfrosty itsybitsyfrosty 16-17, M 3 days ago

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    Like being a ghost standing over my body

    and laughing at my corpse.
    InkyDeux InkyDeux 66-70, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    Mr. Burns: Quick Smithers.

    Bring the mind eraser device! Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir? Mr. Burns: Precisely.
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M a week ago

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    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 3 days ago

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    Basically, I need to find the section of

    humanity that doesn't find racism on TV funny. Then get a mob of people whom agree and further collectively agree to go and wound those people. Probably, at the very least with a peaceful protest. Go home, don't bother to check whether it made the headlines: because your...
    PylonsAreDangerous PylonsAreDangerous 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 8

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 38 Responses Feb 27

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    I have a great sense of humor.

    but I'm not loud and obnoxious the way you expect a "funny person" to be so a lot of the time it's lost on people. I've been called "rude" a lot also. but trust me, I'm joking.
    ZenaMarie ZenaMarie 22-25, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 15 Responses Feb 26

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    bad/dark/offensive jokes are my weakness

    but I love them like a fat kid loves pie!
    muradgh muradgh 18-21, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    ManOnTheCape ManOnTheCape 31-35 1 Response 6 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Beware my farts. The army rejected me But

    only because my arse was a brat And wouldnt fart on command.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Mr. Burns: You're fired!

    Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you! Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M a week ago

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    I went to my DR today,

    told him I was constantly dreaming of wigwams and tepees.....can't get any sleep........ He told me I'm " two tents"
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Saw a post. On how many lightbulbs change us.

    My lethal brat woke. Me raced to make the brat sleep. And kathleen madigan helped. She has a skit about alcohol. And sedating lethal brat matches. Like this. Ssshhh. No. No. Sleep sleep. Nobody needs attacked by lightbulb. No. Sleep. You can criticize...
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 4 days ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 20 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    I was recently asked,

    "Where were you born? " My response "At the hospital. " Perplexed look. Me, "I wanted to be close to my mother!" Another perplexed look. I left it at that..
    Lovesrainbows Lovesrainbows 41-45, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    What would u do someone licked you?

    I would lick them back 😊
    mayuamakura mayuamakura 13-15, F 7 Responses 6 days ago

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    Best ******* game ever,

    wearing a gorilla suit in my front garden and jumping out at foreign exchange students
    uberfuzz uberfuzz 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Take this for not liking my

    faces :-P :-) :-/ :-D :-( ;-) Some ppl can't help but be ignorant.
    EyeDontGiveAHoot EyeDontGiveAHoot 36-40, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    I changed the name of my toilet at home from

    "John" to "Jim" This way I can tell people I go to the gym every morning !
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses