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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 145,813 People

    "Black Widow Baby" is an instantly better song

    if you think about an actual baby black widow spider.
    vivianvulpes vivianvulpes 22-25, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    TheKingofEP TheKingofEP 22-25, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I often hold myself back in public,

    rejection really messes with my head so having a weird sense of humour kinda sucks.
    JackH19 JackH19 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    "I used to think the brain was the most

    wonderful organ in my body. And then I realized who was telling me this." - Emo Phillips
    Bluejay1812 Bluejay1812 26-30, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 16 hrs ago

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    KarmaKit KarmaKit 41-45, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    omg I love watching fights

    and found this video that is so amazing... poor guy just got brutalized lol
    amyjones99 amyjones99 13-15, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 17 Responses a week ago

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    And I know this, and it's cool but-at times

    most people don't get me , and that kinda makes for a long night, and a lot of explaining and that just does something too me, so I would rather be quiet that speak, I mean sometimes I just want to hang about with a guy who gets me and when I say something witty he stops for a...
    amie26 amie26 31-35, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Don't you hate it when you use the bathroom at

    your friend's house and they hide the plunger???
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Once I thought LGBT was a sandwich.

    .. Lettuce, Glitter, Bacon, Tomato? #teamlesbian
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses 5 days ago

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    this isn't my joke, but it was funny,

    don't shoot the messenger as they say, but anyway, here we go: Why isn't there a Walmart in Afghanistan? Because there's a Target on every corner :P (it might take a while, you'll get it eventually)
    nighthawk56 nighthawk56 16-17, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I have a weird sense of humour - I find this

    funny:“A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think...
    EclipseV EclipseV 31-35, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    What does a hockey player

    and an Amish girl have in common?
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    yea haha....ha fricken ha.

    ..great preselected representation of myself...
    ConnectingDots ConnectingDots 22-25, M 14 hrs ago

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    PC society makes things less fun.

    Like dwarf tossing. You can't have a dwarf tossing contest anymore because someone might get hurt ( it's ok I'm a dwarf anyway).
    OzarksTrucker OzarksTrucker 36-40, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I want to get a pool,

    and name it "P*ssy", so whenever my friends ask me what I'm doing that day, I can tell them I'll be swimming in P*ssy, and if I drown in the pool, my family and friends can tell people I died drowning in P*ussy.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I was at the post office.

    Behind the counter on the wall was a motivational poster. It had a picture of the Great Wall of China and something written about working together to achieve great things. I said to her "That a motivational poster with the great Wall of China? ". "yes" she replied. "you know...
    Ulfhednar74 Ulfhednar74 36-40, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Ad: "Simple way to eliminate years on your

    face" [Photo: close up of smiling model's face with diarrhea face-mask].
    urbanseeker urbanseeker 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    1935 was not the one all the credit cards have

    been pulled away a year macys is entertainment for a moose
    Arepootasrealpeopleoraliens Arepootasrealpeopleoraliens 51-55, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 12

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 10 Responses Jan 26

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    Going to McDonald's for a salad makes about

    as much sense as going to a hooker for a hug.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 2 Responses 28 mins ago

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    Gosh look at this guy he's

    so weird it's awesome. Lol
    deersa deersa 18-21, M 17 hrs ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 20

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    Doesnt mean I have a crude sense of humour,

    I am open to solicitations.
    AcousticAnne1 AcousticAnne1 26-30, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 49 Responses 5 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 39 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    When I get low on money I start thinking

    irrationally like "what if I hadn't spend that 10$ back in 2004?"
    dvkota dvkota 16-17, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Unfortunately for me my humor always comes out

    at the worst times -_- For instance my friend fell down a flight of stairs injuring her ankle right before a volleyball game a couple of years ago. Instead of saying "are you okay" like the other 20 or so girls on my team I looked at the giant bag of ice on her ankle- they could...
    WhoNeedsAUsername WhoNeedsAUsername 16-17, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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