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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 159,112 People

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Thanks for your order from our sex shop.

    U asked for the large red dilldoo as featured on our wall Please re-select, that is our fire extinguisher!!
    geneprint geneprint 41-45, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    What's the definition of trust?

    Two cannibals going down on each other!
    PJBelle PJBelle 46-50, F 3 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 8

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    A group of people with erectile dysfunction

    attend a local meeting. No one came...
    KindredKings KindredKings 13-15, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    courtcourt94 courtcourt94 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Have you ever just give yourself a hickey by

    savagely sucking on your arm fat pretending to be a self cannibal?
    Violetlolla2 Violetlolla2 13-15, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    I'm forming a group for those with an interest

    in flagellation,necrophilia and beastuality, honestly its like flogging a dead horse
    deg1965 deg1965 46-50, M 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    Library lost power. Fancy library.

    Parking lot is solar. But still a power outage. Me asks if solar goes to city. And if city charges them for power. Lol.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 13 Responses Feb 26

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    I'm listening to Aqua

    and dancing alone in my room... So naturally I'm recording weird videos of myself dancing and making strange faces and sending them to random people in my phone. Sorry Trudy, you're going to wake up to all this *rubs hands all over body* getting down something fierce. Yeeehaw...
    anhonestgirl anhonestgirl 26-30, F 5 Responses a week ago

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    3nita3 3nita3 46-50, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    My boyfriend is like February the 30th.

    . . . . . . . . . . He doesn't exist!
    lilacadventures lilacadventures 18-21, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 8 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I don't care for dogs.

    A nurse that I'm not well acquainted with was telling someone that her dog ate her fiancé's passport causing them to choose someplace domestic for honeymoon. Before I could even stop myself I looked over and said "Oh, you should take him to the vet and have him put down". She...
    Abayoumi Abayoumi 26-30, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    A burp is just a fart

    that took the elevator :p
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    I came to have sex and drink milk,

    and I've got a gallon of milk to go.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    I don't like people,

    but I get upset when people don't talk to me
    iamme1992 iamme1992 22-25, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Tastymeat Tastymeat 41-45, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    Does the term "Come early on your first day"

    apply in the **** business? Lol
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Exercise is something we all take

    for granted at some point in our lives. I'll tell you right now that I do one sit up a day, I get out of bed and that's a half of one and when I go to bed that's the other half. I know, it's hard work and all but you can do it!
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 4 hrs ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 3 hrs ago

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    Some mite say twisted lol !

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    chris7379 chris7379 41-45, M 1 Response Jul 25

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    Just charged my vibrator

    now I need some motivation lol I need some real **** it's been 9 months
    Kriszie Kriszie 22-25, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    We had a hearing test at work

    and this older guy brought a "cheat sheet" along with him. He came up telling us, "I'm going to pass it this year guys! I've got the answers right here!" We look at the cheat sheet and it has, "Beep! Beep! Beep!" on a post-it. I guess when you get old, you're willing to do...
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 5 hrs ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    I Luvz yu grammer natziz.

    . becuz of uz I kin now right like a perfessional edjucated righter. thankz to all youz fer yur help.
    akajum2 akajum2 51-55, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    People don't think I'm cool,

    but that's OK because my teachers said I didn't think at all.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I think Crocs are the best contraceptive

    invented. Who would get turned on seeing someone on those ?
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 21 Responses Jul 15

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 36 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    I know it's cruel, but I like saying to me

    female friends "Guess who just got a date this weekend?" They get all excited thinking I got a date, and I just say, "Why are you getting all excited? I never said it was me." They're mad at first, but they end up laughing. Sometimes. Alright, that's a lie. They usually tell me...
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 17 Responses