walk down the aisle. . . . . . . I Sent her grocery shopping. . . .while I moved
Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
uʍop ǝpısdn uı ʇı ƃnld noʎ ɟı ' pɹɐoqʎǝʞ qsn ʍǝu sıɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ ı
-finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours
-goes to bed
Gaga's wedding reception. . . . . I can choose between beef or chicken.. . . . . Not for the meal, that's the dress code.
I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
. . .But , What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?
. because they have no feet. . . . . . You could say I'm lacktoes intolerant.. . . . .
. .Yesterday he got a new job and he told me all he does is drive around picking up Mexican chicks all day. . . . .Today he drove his work truck home . . . .
. . . . .it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
"Shut up, my mom says I'm cool!"
. . .the only way he knows how to run is Amok . . . .
and told her to call me when she gets home..
She must be homeless.
. . so I went to the Hardware store . . . .picked a crescent wrench. . . .and then proceeded to run up and down each aisle. . . .while yelling . . . "This Is Not A Drill ! "
. . so I went to the Hardware store . . . .picked up a crescent wrench. . . .and then proceeded to run up and down each aisle. . . .while yelling . . . "This Is Not A Drill !"
"69" was just another number..
that my brothers don't get my jokes despite they make the same kind of jokes and I "get" them.
you out. . . .it's like they are on some kind of which hunt.. . . .
. . .boy was i so scared. . . .I think it's because I was alone . . . .
who say I just have too much time on my hands . . .so to speak. . . .
The Bachelor is the show that answers the question . . . "How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he'd make a good husband?". . . .
nicknames in the office. . . . ., and now all my co-workers are glaring at Linda, the Bitchy Snitch Who Always Ruins A Good Time.. . . . . .
.. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
I'm pretty sure something's about to go down...
but it can muffle its sound.
bob hope, and Steve jobs.
Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.
Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
should go out sometime
Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
at city hall . . .and every body is pointing fingers at every one else . . .its being dubbed "Gategate"
was adopted . . . I was 17 and they said , "Ken , you were adopted !" , I said "Really ? " They said , , ,"Yes, and They'll be here in 5 minutes . . . ."
When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs. I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for. Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl
boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy
girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly
boy: i know what i said
her sweatshirt . . .I said "No way. . . Mickey knows where his head is at , she's the one that doesnt have clue!"
where pizza gets to your house before the police.
. . I was in a parallel universe. . . and nobody could park. . . .
instead of WebMD . . . . and it told me I have Gary Busey. . . . .
while you are on hold . . . .which would be worse . . . .doing this boring job . . . .or having the job title of "Deboner". . . .it almost sounds French. . . .
changed the term Indian from a slang to something worshipped in sports, then reminded everyone and destroyed all the effort from their forefathers. crazy to think.