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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 133,019 People

    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Him: baby if bein fine was a crime,

    youd be on death row" her: well since bein ugly isnt a crime, youre free to go"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Me: My gynecologist said I can't have sex

    for 2 weeks. Boyfriend: What did your dentist say?
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 2

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    While my Co-worker was talking to the person

    next to me, I stuck Mike and Ikes in the button holes of her back jeans pockets, took a snap chat and sent it out with the caption "Look at that sweet ***."
    americanpoppet americanpoppet 31-35, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    Him: "youre so hot. Id go through anything

    for you" Her: "cool, the exits over there?"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 7 hrs ago

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    Him: "wanna go to my place?

    " Her: "why? Do you have a good looking roommate?"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    Him: "if i could see you naked,

    id die happy" Her: "yeah, well if i saw you naked, id die laughing"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 7 hrs ago

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    Him: "say, you look really familiar,

    have we met before? her: yeah, i work at the VD clinic"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    Him: "I'd tell you a joke about my d*ck

    but it's too long"... Her: "Oh yeah? I'd tell you a joke about my p*ssy but you'll never get it"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 68 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 9 Responses May 6

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    Did you ever say something funny

    and you were the only one laughing at it and you looked at everybody and said man I crack myself up?
    Wonderwoman25 Wonderwoman25 36-40, F 8 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Him: "Havent i seen you somewhere before?

    " Her; yeah, thats why i dont go there anymore"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    Him: "hey is this seat empty?

    " Her: "yep, and this one will be too if you sit down"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 7 Responses Aug 21

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    "Him: so,..what do you do

    for a living?" Her: "Im a female impersonator"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

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    Him: you know sarcasm isnt very lady like".

    ...her: "yeah, well neither is a bl0wj0b, but i never receive complaints about that?"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Him: "hey babe betcha cant guess my sign".

    .. Her: "i dunmo, a feces?"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 8 Responses Aug 28

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    Him: "youre so fine id go to the ends of the

    earth for you" Her: "yeah, but would you STAY there?"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    This picture is the stupidest thing ever

    but everytime I see it I cry. Why. Why me.
    Ginkofishin Ginkofishin 18-21, F 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

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    I put books about god

    and books about crime and devil in a same bag for a long time... Guess what. They both survived.
    Zim0 Zim0 18-21, M 2 hrs ago

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    Him: "so how do you like your eggs in the

    morning?" Her: "on a firemans abs"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 28 Responses Aug 26

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 26 Responses Sep 19

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    News headlines: Daniel Radcliffe has been

    kidnapped. *whole family looks at me* Me: What? I'll feed him.
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 12

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 41 Responses Jul 16

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    I've been looking for the killer of my ex,

    but I can't find anyone to do it
    Wetfart Wetfart 56-60 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 10 Responses Aug 19

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Him: "hey baby, how ya like 9 inches?

    " Her: wow! You mean you cam get it up 3 times in a row?"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Him: "wanna go back to my place,

    babe?" Her: "i dunnknow, will 2 people fit under your rock?"...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 7 hrs ago

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    Awkward: your cellphone going off full volume

    at a funeral. Even more awkward: your ringtone being "i will survive!"
    ElizabethSwannTurner ElizabethSwannTurner 18-21, F 15 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    So a girl I'm talking to tells me her favorite

    song of ALL TIME is one that came out a couple weeks ago...... time to cut ties right?
    AreYouDaft25 AreYouDaft25 31-35, M 12 Responses Oct 11

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    A couple were trying to come up with a password

    for their computer. The man typed in "MyPenis", the wife burst out laughing because the message "Error. Not long enough." appeared.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Him: "so i guess we're

    both here for the same reason, huh?" Her: "yeah, to pick up chicks, wanna be my wimg man?"
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 7 hrs ago

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    "what time is it?" "there's a clock right

    there" "DID I ASK YOU WHERE THE CLOCK WAS????!" o.O
    ElizabethSwannTurner ElizabethSwannTurner 18-21, F 4 Responses 12 hrs ago