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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 156,355 People

    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    My sense of humor ranges from - corny & weird,

    to sarcastic & bitter, to dark & morbid, to witty & highbrow, and to Quirky. There's so many kinds of sense of humors out there. More kinds than I even am. So I hate it when I encounter a person with absolutely no sense of humor. 😒 we usually don't end up getting along.
    PsychGirl94 PsychGirl94 18-21, F 9 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Best ******* game ever,

    wearing a gorilla suit in my front garden and jumping out at foreign exchange students
    uberfuzz uberfuzz 22-25, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    I changed the name of my toilet at home from

    "John" to "Jim" This way I can tell people I go to the gym every morning !
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    Thalassophobic Thalassophobic 18-21, M 1 day ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    in the street, everytime i see someone i

    imagine him/her bald and i start laughing all alone like an idiot hahah.
    buddiesj buddiesj 13-15, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I was recently asked,

    "Where were you born? " My response "At the hospital. " Perplexed look. Me, "I wanted to be close to my mother!" Another perplexed look. I left it at that..
    Lovesrainbows Lovesrainbows 41-45, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Homer: The compass is pointing East.

    Marge: That's the fuel gauge.
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    It's like candy to a baby.

    ....come and get it lil darling. Yes you! Come on and don't be shy. You are progressing just as planned. That's it.....that's my sweet girl. Bring it to daddy. Mmmm...;^)
    PassionSeeker38 PassionSeeker38 36-40, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I went to my DR today,

    told him I was constantly dreaming of wigwams and tepees.....can't get any sleep........ He told me I'm " two tents"
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 15 Responses Feb 26

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    "I'm stuck in the basement,

    sitting on a tricycle, girl gettin on my nerves. Going out of my mind, I thought she was fine, don't know if her body is hers!" I don't know why but that just popped into my head.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 26-30, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    What do you get when

    when you cross metal with tar?........A nig/ger behind bars
    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    My brother in law need a kidney urgently.

    O+ Kidney need urgently. Donor should be under 40. Donor call at No. +92-333-4506458, 0300-6703819 or 03332652785.
    Asgharsindhi Asgharsindhi 41-45, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    Basically, I need to find the section of

    humanity that doesn't find racism on TV funny. Then get a mob of people whom agree and further collectively agree to go and wound those people. Probably, at the very least with a peaceful protest. Go home, don't bother to check whether it made the headlines: because your...
    PylonsAreDangerous PylonsAreDangerous 26-30, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 8 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    Is it weird that I find it hilarious how many

    guys message me within an hour? There is just so many! Some ask about my name, or what I look like. Some even send pics of themselves! I mean like come on! I don't want to see pics of you! And if I don't answer back, don't take it offensively! I get a lot of messages and maybe 8...
    tinytinyone tinytinyone 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Gently placing your finger on someone's lips

    and saying "Shh, not another word" is super romantic...but cops don't seem to think so
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 4 days ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    Louuann Louuann 13-15, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    PIZZA DOG PIZZA DOG, PUT EM IN THE OVEN AND

    WATCH HIM GROW. PIZZA DOG PIZZA DOG, BOW BOW SHUT YO MOUTH.
    itsybitsyfrosty itsybitsyfrosty 16-17, M 6 days ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 8

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    PoutingEnigma PoutingEnigma 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 13

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    SlaveInTraining21 SlaveInTraining21 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Beware my farts. The army rejected me But

    only because my arse was a brat And wouldnt fart on command.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 5 days ago

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    Do you know what headphones always get beat up?

    Beats by Dr.Dre. Get it? Get it? Pls laugh
    rxmngerah rxmngerah 13-15, F 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 38 Responses Feb 27

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    bad/dark/offensive jokes are my weakness

    but I love them like a fat kid loves pie!
    muradgh muradgh 18-21, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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