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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 93,805 People

    A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the...
    MaryRiddle3 MaryRiddle3 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 29

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    Just remember every time you don't re rack the weights at the gym..Justin Bieber writes a new song
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 5 Responses Apr 3

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me? - A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 24 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    "There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow. " "She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow." "I had a nice lance that she sat upon." "The maiden from Stonebury who is...
    KingLlnk KingLlnk 22-25, M Apr 9

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    So I've been asked by a friend, "Why are you still single? You're 20 years old and haven't had a girlfriend? What are you looking for?" I answered, "Nothing special, I just want a...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    TOP TEN WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE 10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others...
    SparklyRain SparklyRain 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 5

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    When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction) - “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” –Winston Churchill “I have...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 23 Responses Oct 13, 2011

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke) - Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 28 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    I got 99 problems..... and theyre all due monday -.- #CollegeSucks
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 4 Responses Apr 4

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    Do I have a date for Valentine's day? Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 10 Responses Feb 13

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and...
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Haha funny :D Onions would make a lot more sense.
    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F 12 hrs ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke) - A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 45 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    When going on a roller coaster bring nuts and bolts with you, lean to the person in front of you and say: "Whoa dude, these came out of your seat!"
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 5 Responses Mar 1

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Divorce Hearing. - A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Nov 20, 2013

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    I laugh out of no wear and than people look at me like is he crazy
    blueplasma blueplasma 13-15, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    There is nothing better then someone you can be weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
    deleted deleted 26-30 16 Responses Mar 18

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    This picture made me cry 😂 I can't get over it it's just too funny
    suzannah98 suzannah98 16-17, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I told my mom to move her purse because it was invading my personal space. HA! Heart if you get it.
    HeartOfNature HeartOfNature 13-15, F 3 Responses Apr 6

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    "I'm still counting on one last wave of puberty to come really late and make me hot." Hey,there might still be hope for me.
    SparklyRain SparklyRain 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 2

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian -   An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 66 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    I am not ugly... God just challenged me to pick up women in legendary mode
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 2 Responses Apr 6

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    New to this place...looks pretty interesting...with a side order of crazy...
    Bullbuddy Bullbuddy 31-35, M 5 Responses Apr 8

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    Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee... - - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your...
    SilentBluemoon SilentBluemoon 36-40, F 5 Responses May 5, 2013

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired - When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    "I had a dream about you." "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    Stranger: "You have a nice face!" Me: "Thanks, my parents gave it to me."
    Lunarflowerrr Lunarflowerrr 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Hahahahhaah - HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Yea. Anti jokes, creepy jokes, jokes that probably aren't considered jokes. I guess I'm just weird. Oh, yea we can't forget my horrible/loud laugh that really tops things off...
    ashley359 ashley359 13-15, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    It would mean a lot to me if you Watch my YouTube vids CUTIESERAFINA http://youtu.be/n3bJbzLks8U
    cutieserafina cutieserafina 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 3

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    Today I was driving around town looking at the different colors of cars ... And I decided to call then race cars you know back,white,red, brown, etc... Do you think some feel less...
    Joysuny1 Joysuny1 51-55, F 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    I am turned on by being humiliated, how unfortunate is that that I have to be completely humiliated to get off? Oh well, I'm looking for someone who enjoys humiliating, anybody...
    soontobesissy19 soontobesissy19 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just one of those nights I guess lmao!!
    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here - Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    I'm a certified prankster, and what better day is there to mess up people than April Fools Day? My prank for this year's a little simple though. My friends and I went to the mall...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 1

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    When someone tells me something I don't like. (The picture cuts off)
    yesenia25 yesenia25 26-30, F 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    I can be normal.... ha. But who whats to do that?
    sicajae7 sicajae7 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 5

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    Any girls my age want to talk not sexally just talk
    Nashes13 Nashes13 22-25, M Apr 5

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    Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her a$$ Now his two front teeth are missing
    TrentKandinski TrentKandinski 18-21, M 3 Responses Mar 7

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    The guy next door just arrogantly challenged me to a water balloon fight..so i thought id write this as i wait for the water to boil..
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 6 Responses Mar 17

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    Sister: go **** yourself Me: already did! My humor is so sick
    broadwaybabe99 broadwaybabe99 13-15, F 4 Responses Mar 20

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    I have a less than average sense of humor but I live every minute of it
    Maddya Maddya 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I want to steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watchin cops chase a donut truck on the news.
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 29

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    A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks...
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 5 Responses Dec 26, 2013

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    True Story: I was about to get into shower an hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second...
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 8 Responses Mar 29

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    My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 5 Responses Mar 1

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    Do you enjoy traveling? Well, I guess you won't after you've seated next to me in a public transportation vehicle. I took a bus yesterday as I was going home, and to my surprise...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 2 Responses Apr 5

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    :/ - do I have to listen to maroon 1 2 3 and 4 before listening to maroon 5?
    jessvaughn24 jessvaughn24 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    The 12 Stages Of Drunkenness - 0 – Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet. 1 – Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being. 2 – Lager...
    thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 14 Responses Feb 9, 2012

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    "I AM STRONG!!! I AM THE GREAT HUMONGOUS!!!!!!!" "Yes... yes we all know you're The Great Humongous..." "I was just saying." "Oh you're always just saying!"
    Mike389 Mike389 31-35, M 1 Response 4 days ago