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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 142,319 People

    What in the world is happening here?

    Lol reading some of the 'I'm new' posts makes me want to talk to my dog
    jenny6666 jenny6666 26-30, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    normal person: - sings lyrics me: - sings

    lyrics - sings backup vocals - sings guitar riffs - plays air drum the entire song - head-bangs
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    rangerdallas22 rangerdallas22 26-30, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I laugh at holocaust jokes.

    "Why do you say to a women with two black eyes" "Nothing, she has been told twice" I have a weird... And horrible sense of human.
    Ruthes143 Ruthes143 18-21, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why is my IPad asking

    for my location. It's not my mother asking when I will be home.
    sroonaka616 sroonaka616 18-21 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I want nothing more than a grilled cheese

    sandwich, $3000 in my bank account and a glass of champers.
    jenny6666 jenny6666 26-30, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    The weird part about the Humpty Dumpty nursery

    rhyme is that it never mentions him being an egg...
    GabrielAlan GabrielAlan 13-15, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Oh no! Some kids were in a game show.

    .. and lost! :-( Me: >:-) You lil punks! You lost!
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 71 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 23 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    TheQuietExtrovert TheQuietExtrovert 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    That moment when a fly lands on your food,

    stares at you, rubs his legs intently, digs in, then looks at you again as if to say: "You're next."
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    If you can make me laugh,

    then you too must also have a weird sense humor.
    passivity passivity 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak

    while it's strapped to the top of someone's car. :3
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 2 mins ago

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    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 2, 2014

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    Your late for TEA!!!!

    !! *throws teacup at the knave of hearts*
    anonymus000 anonymus000 16-17, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hey! Im 38 years old,

    almost 39 but my humor is silly/weird and in the gutter most of the time! Lol....so pull your pants up people and save that **** for later cuz I wanna talk about stuff you've heard that people have gotten stuck in their junk..or on it...??? Help me out here that crap is...
    MissJamie12 MissJamie12 36-40 17 hrs ago

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 35 Responses Sep 13, 2014

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    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    One of the greatest mysteries in life is how

    your earphones get tangled inside your bag when you've put them away properly.
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 10 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    Whenever I talk to my friend she always laugh

    whenever I try not to be funny. She's weird or I jut have a weird sense of humor, either is basically right
    FanWriter1215 FanWriter1215 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    "The only problem with the gene pool,

    is that their is no lifeguard" :p
    BananaSmoothiee BananaSmoothiee 18-21, F 1 Response 19 hrs ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    *After meeting a new friend* Me: Hey,

    haven't I seen you on TV? Her: *confused* Really? Me: Yeah... wait....*scratches chin* I got it! You were on Animal Planet!
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I wouldn't say weird ,

    it's just what I find funny , other people don't . For instance , I asked for a tattoo and my step dad said no . My mother said " maybe you shouldn't have ink on your skin with you being sick " - yes I'm ill - so I said " That's what I mean . I already have one foot in the grave...
    EssSmith EssSmith 16-17, F 3 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7, 2014

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    That moment when you're playing Scrabble with

    little kids and your tileset is just awful, so you start adding "S" to their moves, and bully them when they argue that there's no word such as "TEETHS".
    TheMisanthropeOtaku TheMisanthropeOtaku 18-21, M 23 hrs ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 12

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    Once I posted a special meme series about 9/11

    and coincidently an American guy became orphan in this incident.
    Ner0 Ner0 16-17, M 20 hrs ago

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    (True Story) Got into a fight with a wasp in my

    back yard. Slapped the **** out of him thinking I won as he flew away. #Victorydance!... The wasp comes back with 5 friends and I ran away... #soreloser. lol
    saeteurn saeteurn 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    When I die, I don't want to be buried

    or cremated. I want to be taken to a taxidermist so my body can get stuffed.
    SerSean SerSean 18-21, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    …..................

    .....................😎
    Phyllispurple Phyllispurple 18-21, F 1 Response 18 hrs ago