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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 145,275 People

    pizzaislyfe pizzaislyfe 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 12

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    stupendusdude stupendusdude 46-50 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    A 17 year-old Antartican boy was hired to paint

    a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long. The next day, however, he painted a line only 4 miles long. On the third day, he was down to less than a mile. Finally, his friend Max asked him...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    If con is the opposite of pro,

    is Congress the opposite of progress?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 19 hrs ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 49 Responses 1 day ago

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    A cannibal entered the meat market to buy

    something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain. Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    omg I love watching fights

    and found this video that is so amazing... poor guy just got brutalized lol
    amyjones99 amyjones99 13-15, F 17 hrs ago

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    the dress is white and gold *waits

    for argument to start*
    PorkythePig PorkythePig 18-21, M 25 Responses 1 day ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 9 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 34 Responses Sep 13, 2014

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 62 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    When I get low on money I start thinking

    irrationally like "what if I hadn't spend that 10$ back in 2004?"
    dvkota dvkota 16-17, M 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 28 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Things to make you stop

    and think 1. Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 3. Only in America...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 19 hrs ago

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    i hate when people are offended by my jokes.

    They can be pretty bad sometimes but its just a joke. I dont get offended when people joke about my races.
    TheTenaciousPirate TheTenaciousPirate 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Look who had the comedic genius Dave Attell

    laughing last night!! (see photo)
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Winterwolf1231 Winterwolf1231 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 39 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    "Black Widow Baby" is an instantly better song

    if you think about an actual baby black widow spider.
    vivianvulpes vivianvulpes 22-25, F 5 hrs ago

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    An Antartian boy and his father were visiting a

    mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 8

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    KylieKaat KylieKaat 18-21, F 1 hr ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Never criticize someone

    unless you walk a mile in his or her shoes, and then when you criticize them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 19 hrs ago

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    An Antartian named Babbette finds herself in

    dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    Once I thought LGBT was a sandwich.

    .. Lettuce, Glitter, Bacon, Tomato? #teamlesbian
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    I have a weird sense of humour - I find this

    funny:“A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think...
    EclipseV EclipseV 31-35, M 3 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Q: Did you hear about the cannibals

    that attended the wedding? A: They toasted the bride and groom.
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23, 2014

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    Fancy dress party, and

    that TV commercial. Firstly, there is an add on telly here in the uk. It's for a price comparison website "money supermarket" the catch line is, on the current advert "Dave saved £100 on his car insurance and now he feels epic" cut to a guy in a suit strutting proudly down a...
    Heellover Heellover 36-40, M 2 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    I think swearing is funny

    and my friend doesn't and I swear all the time so it's hard not to. For fun I copy her and today she told on me but She was laughing when I was copying her and now she is mad at me I mean really WTF!!!
    Lolatux Lolatux 13-15, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Kids in the pre 1950's era: Go out with friends.

    Watch tv. Listen to radio. Do nothing and just sit, relax and watch the world go by. Feel calm. Have yet to discover new things before being 60+ Kids of pre 2000: Watch tv, radio, record using tapes. Wait for days to listen to music by radio. Do nothing but may feel bored after...
    Sazzio Sazzio 26-30, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    This joke I heard from my grandma's

    sister-in-law: three boys are playing beside a river when Barack Obama and his bodyguard appear walking along the opposite edge. Suddenly Obama falls in! Before the bodyguard can react, the three boys jump in and pull him to shore. After calming down a bit, Obama says "you saved...
    Countrybae Countrybae 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    Here's a joke for you: There's a little boy

    sitting in his grandfathers lap and the grandfather is smoking a cigar and the little boy asks if he can have a puff of his cigar and grandfather replies does your **** touch your ******* and the boy said no and grandfather says then you can't have a puff of my cigar. A couple...
    mack35 mack35 18-21, F 11 Responses a week ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 21 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 74 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 9 Responses Jan 20