Sister: go **** yourself
Me: already did!
My humor is so sick
Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me? - A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by...
Do you enjoy traveling? Well, I guess you won't after you've seated next to me in a public transportation vehicle.
I took a bus yesterday as I was going home, and to my surprise...
bad jokes crack me up better than a good joke
I am not ugly... God just challenged me to pick up women in legendary mode
When going on a roller coaster bring nuts and bolts with you, lean to the person in front of you and say: "Whoa dude, these came out of your seat!"
"I had a dream about you."
"Yeah, you died."
Guy Needs A Push (joke) - A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning...
"I AM STRONG!!! I AM THE GREAT HUMONGOUS!!!!!!!"
"Yes... yes we all know you're The Great Humongous..."
"I was just saying."
"Oh you're always just saying!"
Stranger: "You have a nice face!"
Me: "Thanks, my parents gave it to me."
TOP TEN WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others...
I'm a certified prankster, and what better day is there to mess up people than April Fools Day?
My prank for this year's a little simple though. My friends and I went to the mall...
So I've been asked by a friend, "Why are you still single? You're 20 years old and haven't had a girlfriend? What are you looking for?"
I answered, "Nothing special, I just want a...
I want to steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase, because it would be funny watchin cops chase a donut truck on the news.
I got 99 problems..... and theyre all due monday -.- #CollegeSucks
Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee... - - You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your...
That's How Things Are Done Around Here - Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in...
Once, It Almost Got Me Fired -
When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs. I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with...
"There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow. "
"She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow."
"I had a nice lance that she sat upon."
"The maiden from Stonebury who is...
Ah yess the joys of being kind xD
It began last friday, i was excited. I was going to pick up my kawasaki Ninja 500 that i had paid for a day earlier. I had already left the house and went to my boys and we would...
A Collection Of Shameful One Liners - Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments...
When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction) - “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
I told my mom to move her purse because it was invading my personal space. HA!
Heart if you get it.
Hahahahhaah - HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
I am going to have a really bad day.. forgot half of my cloths at home.. and i'm travelling with friends..School trip....
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
Nobody else thinks this commercial is funny but everytime I see it I can't help cracking up http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ctIV7MST5i0
A man received message from his neighbor.. Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU...
This picture made me cry 😂 I can't get over it it's just too funny
While I was being given a tour of a mental asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, “How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?” The doctor...
"I'm still counting on one last wave of puberty to come really late and make me hot."
Hey,there might still be hope for me.
Yea. Anti jokes, creepy jokes, jokes that probably aren't considered jokes. I guess I'm just weird. Oh, yea we can't forget my horrible/loud laugh that really tops things off...
I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian -
An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young...
I have a less than average sense of humor but I live every minute of it
There is nothing better then someone you can be weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
It's wonderful having a daft, childish sense of humour. Seeing the funny side of life, even if it's dark humour, helps me get through even the baddest of days.
I can be normal.... ha. But who whats to do that?
The guy next door just arrogantly challenged me to a water balloon fight..so i thought id write this as i wait for the water to boil..
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the...
I am turned on by being humiliated, how unfortunate is that that I have to be completely humiliated to get off? Oh well, I'm looking for someone who enjoys humiliating, anybody...
Two Mischievous Brothers (joke) - Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute.
Two Mischievous Brothers
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
Just remember every time you don't re rack the weights at the gym..Justin Bieber writes a new song
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he asks...
New to this place...looks pretty interesting...with a side order of crazy...
Came across this on tumblr and I can't stop being amused.Love awkward and ironic magazine placements.
:/ - do I have to listen to maroon 1 2 3 and 4 before listening to maroon 5?
Do I have a date for Valentine's day?
Of course ! February 14
I laugh out of no wear and than people look at me like is he crazy
It would mean a lot to me if you Watch my YouTube vids
Want to chat with a female cannibal