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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 153,551 People

    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 7 Responses Jan 20

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    If by ticklish you mean I'll turn into a rabid

    chihuahua when you touch me, then yes, I am ticklish
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I recently got a burn on my hand

    and its healing slowly. the burn looks a lot like a zombie mark. I am slowly becoming a zombie.
    Sometimesilence Sometimesilence 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Some people say that blood is thicker

    than water... Guess they don't have access to corn starch or Coumadin.
    Delphineidunna Delphineidunna 26-30, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    You know you're ******

    when your late night thoughts come at the middle of the day
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    My mom told me to follow my dreams .

    .. so I went back to sleep.. ????
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    wlanonymouslw wlanonymouslw 18-21, M 6 hrs ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    ImProbablyWatchingNetflix ImProbablyWatchingNetflix 16-17, M 1 day ago

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    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 28

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    When I went to the diner

    for a delivery job, the guy asked me if I had a car. I said, "Yeah, my car's right outside." The guy then asked me if I'm reliable. I paused for a second, and then I said, "My car's right outside."
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M a week ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 20 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    TLC is still a learning channel.

    It teaches you that, no matter how low you sink, you will never go that low.
    ScytheBunny ScytheBunny 18-21, F 6 days ago

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    What did the potato chip say to the battery ?

    If you are "ever ready " I am " free to lay"
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 2 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I only have sex on days starting with the

    letter T Tuesday Thursday Today Tomorrow Thursday Thaturday Thunday
    00dave 00dave 36-40, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I knew a girl who thought

    that you could get a disease from sitting on a toilet seat. I told her that the only way that you can get a disease from a toilet seat is if you rub your genitals all over it and don't look before you sit. Maybe you deserve it then. She probably gave people plenty of diseases...
    Delphineidunna Delphineidunna 26-30, F 4 days ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    vonnie123 vonnie123 16-17, F 10 Responses 6 days ago

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    Your eyes water when you yawn

    because you miss your bed and it makes you sad
    AnushkaDeb25 AnushkaDeb25 16-17, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Too bad jesus didn't study business

    administration. cuz he missed a **** load of disclaimers :D haha
    NobodyFrvr NobodyFrvr 22-25, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    I hate Monday's, Tuesdays,

    Wednesdays, Thursday's, and half of Friday
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 9 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 38 Responses Feb 27

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    Son: Dad I just had sex!

    Dad: Son, that's great! Come sit and tell me about it!! Son: I can't my *** hurts
    anonamanda001 anonamanda001 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    It's not over until the fat lady sings,

    but if you want it to end early, I can put on a dress and yodel for you.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    5chuck6 5chuck6 18-21, M 2 hrs ago

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    Damn.....was up early hoping to catch the fog

    the other day and I mist it !
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 2 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Like... I start laughing at thing

    that aren't funny to other people and it's so embarrassing and I just stop laughing and than I start laughing again and everyone is looking at me like I'm a weirdo and it's just so awkward... I laugh when something falls and breaks. When other people laugh I laugh for some...
    itsLucy itsLucy 16-17, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 15 Responses Feb 26

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    Films I am glad that were never made Look

    who's Stalking Any others?
    Leggyboygirl Leggyboygirl 31-35, M 5 Responses 1 hr ago

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    I gave a girl my number

    and told her to call me when she gets home.. ... ... ... ... She must be homeless.
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 11 Responses Mar 9

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses