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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 161,701 People

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    I like that boulder,

    that is a nice boulder....
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    Me and my best friend,

    Knee, are dumb.
    dakotadm dakotadm 18-21, F 4 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 25 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    xkmb xkmb 51-55 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    I think Crocs are the best contraceptive

    invented. Who would get turned on seeing someone on those ?
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 17 Responses Jul 15

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 4 days ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    how it feels when you've finished all your

    college assignments for the week. Lmao
    DeIuxedEdition DeIuxedEdition 18-21, F 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    HR representative asks

    for team building exercise suggestions..... me: *shouts* ***** poker
    kunfirekun kunfirekun 22-25, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    When someone says they don't know

    why they like something and then proceed to tell you exactly why they like it. Lol... But you just said you didn't know why!!
    MeGaMatt88 MeGaMatt88 26-30, M 6 days ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 16 Responses Mar 9

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 33 Responses Feb 27

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    thekingwizard thekingwizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    No Jarpad, you're not allowed to have peanut

    butter and jelly sandwiches! he thinks he's a person!
    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic 36-40, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted 26-30 17 Responses Mar 12

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 7 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 17 Responses Jan 1

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I thought about buying a book on curbing

    procrastination but i figured I'd do it another day.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    Love is like gas: I have a lot to give,

    but nobody wants it. :P
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Jan 8

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    Whenever I'm upset and someone tells me to

    breath to calm down, I tell them that breathing gives me gas. Even when I'm upset I can make jokes.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I have a weird, twisted,

    and/or good sense of humor. If you watched happy tree friends on Netflix you'd know why.
    LFMB LFMB 13-15, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    tallis0in0chains tallis0in0chains 31-35, F 4 days ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    I'm not a jerk, so don't call me a ****.

    I'm a nice guy, so call me a penice.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    RogueLogic RogueLogic 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 13

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    Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day

    reduces your chance of giving a crap.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 4 days ago

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    Super bored anyone up

    for a convo?
    Onewingedangel145 Onewingedangel145 13-15, M 3 days ago

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    Every so often when the alarm goes off in the

    morning and we wake up I'll turn over and look at my wife and then act like i'm hopping up in a complete panic and start screaming "Who the hell are you and where is my wife???!!!!!!" It makes for a good jolt of adrenaline in the morning plus it makes the kids giggle with...
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 18-21, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 36 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Well, when I see anything struggling to

    accomplish something I find it immensely hilarious. Perhaps it's the sadistic side in me...
    Moepoki Moepoki 18-21, M 4 days ago

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    Alternative/Sexual Valentine Day Candy

    Hearts: Tug Me Anal? How Much? Add to the list...
    MeGaMatt88 MeGaMatt88 26-30, M 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

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