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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 119,732 People

    On my way drive home with my son,

    we have a 'stupid' games. Like making puns and quizes. He ask me somebody is doing big on on the toilet. When he finished he realized that the toilet roll is finish and he was alone. What he do next? And I answer. He sneak out, take the roll from next cubicle, wipe and return...
    sashimi9 sashimi9 31-35, F 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Friend: "How old do I look?

    " Me: "Like a fox!" Friend: "..."
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    *knock knock* Who's there?

    Interrupting cow. Interrupting c- MOO! ! !
    chubbiwubbi chubbiwubbi 13-15, F 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    I think I just had a small spider crawl on my

    face. I smacked myself with a book. Whatever, as long as the demon spawn died.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 6 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    I wish I had a throwaway account to post with

    on some of the stories in this group, "I looked long and hard for the joke, but then I realized it was you" - all in good clean fun, of course! :)
    Faust76 Faust76 36-40, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 32 Responses Jul 16

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    I laugh at my break up

    when I was 13. Worst experience I had gone through lol I see him at work often now after not seeing him for 5 years. Wanna slap him in the face with his footlong sub because he always mumbles when I ask wtf he got on his sandwich haha Ugh I need a new job.
    cheesecake911 cheesecake911 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    "Testicles. That is all.

    " - Peter Griffin
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    isnt anyone going to talk about

    that pixar lamp which straight up murders the I and then stares at us like "its your turn next
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 5 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    Anybody else ever have an invisible ****?

    You sit on the toilet for 3,4,5 minutes. You hear those satisfying plops and splashes. You get up expecting to rejoice at the results of your labor. And O.o the **** has disappeared down the bend.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    Just posted my relationship cheating experience.

    Some old mad decides to give me rude advise as if I'm retarded and haven't thought about that before. Tell me something new dude lol you're old as **** hit me with that one time you had the same expierience? Dammit old man lol 😭
    cheesecake911 cheesecake911 18-21, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    ​I took my grandmother clothes shopping,

    and she wanted to go into the underwear aisle to look at bras. She was taking so long, I decided to take a selfie while holding up a white bra.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I like to say 'doughnuts'

    as dog nuts. My dog like that too.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 12 Responses Aug 7

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    I hear women ask "Where are all the good men?

    " I say," They're at work, but I'm still here."
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Knock, Knock Who's there?

    Jehovah's Witness :) ... Hello? ..... Sir? Go away! Sir please, just a moment of your time. If you don't leave I'll make you leave! What do you... *gun shot* ..... Sir?..... Jesus Christ... And that, dear children, is why you don't bother anyone on a Saturday...
    LeonardFinch LeonardFinch 16-17, M 5 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Don't you just hate it

    when you laugh and end up dropping your phone on your face?
    BlossomOfWinterfell BlossomOfWinterfell 13-15, F 4 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    I usually tell myself jokes

    because I seem to be the only one who understands my sense of humour.
    Although Although 13-15 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses 6 days ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    Just watched a guy trying to push a pull door

    for a quarter of an hour. Ha. You did good, sir. You did good.
    BlossomOfWinterfell BlossomOfWinterfell 13-15, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    For some reason I prefer anti jokes to real

    ones I guess they're better to me, if you don't know what an anti joke is here's and example, Why did the clown fall off the swing? Because he got shot in the face.
    hummbleguy hummbleguy 13-15, M 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 9 Responses Aug 17

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    Because I grew up on Monty Python.

    My father would not allow us to watch it at night on channel 13, so we would sneak down and watch it and try not to laugh too loudly. We also watched wrestling, with Andre the Giant. Our father didn't want us to watch it either, but we caught him watching it late one night...
    mom4ce mom4ce 51-55, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Technology and being ugly don't mix.

    I tried this new facial recognition thing on iphone. After it scanned my face, it said, "Put a bag on."
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 42 Responses Jul 16

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    A butt and a bike meet.

    Butt on bike action ensues.
    thelonerinyourbed thelonerinyourbed 70+, F 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    I think i'm mentally ill.

    I laugh at totally random stuff that isn't even funny. It's really awkward ☁️😭
    PassionInYourLife PassionInYourLife 13-15, M 16 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Make the little things count.

    Teach midgets math.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    I love to be the one in a group to bring up

    some news story that is so bizarre or crazy that it leaves everyone shocked and with that doubtful look on their faces. I try to keep mental notes to answer the obvious questions that might come up and then I'll challenge the person to go look it up on the internet to confirm...
    VeronicaVee VeronicaVee 36-40, F 12 hrs ago

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 28 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    I have a hard time keeping conversations

    serious. I just want to say a joke or make a reference to something funny.
    Amiramae Amiramae 22-25, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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