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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 156,462 People

    "I'm stuck in the basement,

    sitting on a tricycle, girl gettin on my nerves. Going out of my mind, I thought she was fine, don't know if her body is hers!" I don't know why but that just popped into my head.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 26-30, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Basically, I need to find the section of

    humanity that doesn't find racism on TV funny. Then get a mob of people whom agree and further collectively agree to go and wound those people. Probably, at the very least with a peaceful protest. Go home, don't bother to check whether it made the headlines: because your...
    PylonsAreDangerous PylonsAreDangerous 26-30, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    Gently placing your finger on someone's lips

    and saying "Shh, not another word" is super romantic...but cops don't seem to think so
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 5 days ago

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    in the street, everytime i see someone i

    imagine him/her bald and i start laughing all alone like an idiot hahah.
    buddiesj buddiesj 13-15, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Friend: I guess you and I have different tastes.

    :p Me: Nah. I think we both taste the same.😋 Friend: Ohhh, do we now? ;) Me: I was talking about cannibalism.. 😒 Friend: Ohh.. Uhh.. Me too. 😂😂
    PsychGirl94 PsychGirl94 18-21, F 4 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I have a great sense of humor.

    but I'm not loud and obnoxious the way you expect a "funny person" to be so a lot of the time it's lost on people. I've been called "rude" a lot also. but trust me, I'm joking.
    ZenaMarie ZenaMarie 22-25, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Do you know what headphones always get beat up?

    Beats by Dr.Dre. Get it? Get it? Pls laugh
    rxmngerah rxmngerah 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    What do you get when

    when you cross metal with tar?........A nig/ger behind bars
    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 18-21, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Thalassophobic Thalassophobic 18-21, M 2 days ago

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    Best ******* game ever,

    wearing a gorilla suit in my front garden and jumping out at foreign exchange students
    uberfuzz uberfuzz 22-25, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    My sense of humor ranges from - corny & weird,

    to sarcastic & bitter, to dark & morbid, to witty & highbrow, and to Quirky. There's so many kinds of sense of humors out there. More kinds than I even am. So I hate it when I encounter a person with absolutely no sense of humor. 😒 we usually don't end up getting along.
    PsychGirl94 PsychGirl94 18-21, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    I was recently asked,

    "Where were you born? " My response "At the hospital. " Perplexed look. Me, "I wanted to be close to my mother!" Another perplexed look. I left it at that..
    Lovesrainbows Lovesrainbows 41-45, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    If you don't mind. Unhappiest state of the U.

    S. If a. Remind me who you are. I love the videos.
    parttimefreak parttimefreak 36-40, F 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    bad/dark/offensive jokes are my weakness

    but I love them like a fat kid loves pie!
    muradgh muradgh 18-21, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 38 Responses Feb 27

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 15 Responses Feb 26

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    CrimsonShadow CrimsonShadow 16-17, M 5 hrs ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    My brother in law need a kidney urgently.

    O+ Kidney need urgently. Donor should be under 40. Donor call at No. +92-333-4506458, 0300-6703819 or 03332652785.
    Asgharsindhi Asgharsindhi 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Beware my farts. The army rejected me But

    only because my arse was a brat And wouldnt fart on command.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted 26-30 17 Responses Mar 12

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    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 6 days ago

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    Louuann Louuann 13-15, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Homer: The compass is pointing East.

    Marge: That's the fuel gauge.
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    SlaveInTraining21 SlaveInTraining21 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I changed the name of my toilet at home from

    "John" to "Jim" This way I can tell people I go to the gym every morning !
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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