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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 110,317 People

    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    stephanyee stephanyee 18-21, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Isn't it rather odd that

    so many anti Jewish sentiments are being freely published on Facebook when that was co-invented by a Jew?
    changiexpat changiexpat 46-50, F 3 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 10 Responses Feb 13

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 66 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    ludix ludix 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    If I make you breakfast in bed,

    say "Thank you." not "How did you get in my house?"
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why would anyone in their right mind watch a

    video that people say will "melt your heart"? I'm pretty sure a melted heart will cause you to stop being alive.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 46 Responses Jul 16

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    If you are childish, like I am,

    and want a good laugh, then try this. Replace a noun from a famous political speech with the work penis. I have been entertaining myself that way for the last few minutes. Again, I am admitting that I am childish, and that this is a ridiculous and immature game. Enjoy. :D
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 hrs ago

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    I ordered a package a few days ago,

    and the internets told me that it should be in today...At least I know what my plans are today.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Life's a *****. Also,

    my mom's nickname is "Life". (It's a joke, people. Lighten up.)
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    While I was being given a tour of a mental

    asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, “How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?” The doctor answered, “We have a standard test. We fill up a bathtub with water, then give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him or her to...
    rafael1983 rafael1983 31-35, M 5 Responses Jan 3

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    Right now I'm wearing some basketball shorts,

    and these ones have pockets. It's funny because in the pockets are money's. The money's are funny because the money's are coins. The coin's are funny because they keep slipping out. Each time they slip out, I'm like "Noooo!! Don't leave me!!" And I search around till I find...
    MyNameMeansLight MyNameMeansLight 16-17, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    I was in "that"aisle

    and my mother was a few steps away but I was being lazy so me being the awesome person that I am,I yelled at her "MOM DO YOU THINK ITS TIME FOR YOU TO STOP USING TAMPONS IF YOU KEEP PLUGGING IT UP ILL NEVER GET A BROTHER"😂😂 It was awesome my mom was mortified and I couldn...
    spanishcowboys4eva spanishcowboys4eva 16-17, F 11 Responses May 6

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    Balloons are weird. Like Happy Birthday.

    Here is a plastic sack full of my breath.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 8 Responses May 31

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    I named my cat "Curiosity".

    He killed himself.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    What did one ocean say to the other?

    ..nothing they just waved
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    What does a nosey pepper do?

    Get jalapeño business. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
    newshoes13 newshoes13 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 24 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 33 Responses Jul 16

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    I feel like Walmart is Spaceball One

    and I'm Dark Helmet. "I'm surrounded by ********!"
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Why did the little girl with no arms drop her

    ice cream? Why? Cause she got hit by a bus...
    newshoes13 newshoes13 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    519M 519M 13-15, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    newshoes13 newshoes13 18-21, M 2 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Well mine is up beat,

    or I can laugh at what people can't see what part is funny until I mention, then they be like oh that's harsh. So yeah
    kamachulu kamachulu 22-25, M 1 Response 21 hrs ago

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    Why did the ******* cross the road?

    To get to their *****... Knock knock. who's there ? The *******
    newshoes13 newshoes13 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    There's no way I'm a virgin.

    Not with the way the manager at Walmart keeps ******* me over. I wish he'd at least buy me dinner first. I'm a pretty cheap date too. A burger is good enough for me. Hell, I'd get naked for a milkshake.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Stranger: "You have a nice face!

    " Me: "Thanks, my parents gave it to me."
    Lunarflowerrr Lunarflowerrr 22-25, F 6 Responses Apr 17

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    I love going tmi during conversations.

    I just told a complete stranger "Brb I can feel my period leaking" and his reply was just "Omg -_-"
    metaphornographic metaphornographic 18-21, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    When people get hurt usually normal people

    respond with shock. My first response is to giggle uncontrollably..... :-(. I try holding my breath to not laugh but it's uncontrollable and makes me look like an ***...
    darkhorsek darkhorsek 26-30, F 6 hrs ago

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    When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction)

    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” –Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 18 Responses Oct 13, 2011

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    I'm ugly, and I'm forgetful,

    but at least I'm not ugly.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    Q: What's red, white

    and blue and goes around and around and around?
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 3 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    I love it when ppl fall.

    .i dont know why .. even when i do ..im always looking for that one epic fail ..like that black chick singing on the table and busted her ***!! i think its more of ppl thinking there so suave and then BAM something ***** them up lmao!!!
    haileyx16 haileyx16 16-17, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 64 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Scenario/Question: True story: I went to a

    routine physical last year on my birthday, which is on Halloween. My doctor, a young female doctor, was dressed as a housewife with curlers and a robe. We got through all the routine stuff quickly enough. Then she sat on a stool and wheeled herself over to me and asked me to...
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    This seem so funny to me 😂😂😂

    why would people post this of me and her??
    stephanyee stephanyee 18-21, F 10 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    True Story: I was about to get into shower an

    hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second before I started to untie the cord to my robe ... and suddenly she was gone