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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 130,088 People

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 15 Responses Mar 1

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    I started laughing out loud in a grocery store

    once and people were looking at me like I was nuts. My wife asked "what's so funny "...I pointed at a sign that read 'imported bananas $0.69lb'.... She said "so what is so funny about that"??....I told her "as opposed to what, the domestic bananas....we live in Canada". She just...
    mongoheadmonster mongoheadmonster 31-35, M 3 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    What did the pizza guy say to the Atheist?

    Crust will set you free. (Don't bother telling me it's not funny. I already know that.)
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    A pregnant woman gets into a car accident

    and goes into a coma. After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.The doctor replies, "You had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."The woman...
    RedOctagon RedOctagon 22-25, F 13 Responses Sep 21

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    What's worse than a trashcan full of dead

    babies? The one at the bottom's alive... What's worse than that? It has to eat its way to freedom... What's worse than that? It goes back for seconds...
    RatchetPizza RatchetPizza 13-15, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    If I talk to my dog but she dosen't talk back,

    does that confirm that I'm not insane or that she's giving me the silent treatment?
    CreMan55 CreMan55 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 8 Responses Aug 28

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 26 Responses Sep 19

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    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know,

    walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 36 Responses Sep 13

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    existentialdread existentialdread 13-15, F 5 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    And the Lord said unto John,

    "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I love cruel baby jokes,

    but I won't let anything happen to my future baby. I guess that's a bit weird lol.
    dropdeadwilma dropdeadwilma 16-17, F 9 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    A woman brought a very limp duck into a

    veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you...
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Like Pics of Chicks

    and Conquests (pics available in my album): Long story short I always grew up with high esteem and confidence and garnered a reputation as a "ladies man" over the years. Through high school and college my buddies and I would have conquest contests and see who could get with a...
    musashisan musashisan 26-30, M 15 hrs ago

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    When ever I see a scary movie

    and when the character gets jumped scared I would just laugh my *** off XD
    DysfunctionalPiano DysfunctionalPiano 13-15, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 41 Responses Jul 16

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    “Ok everyone,” said the the instructor at

    the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, that’s purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.” “We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial...
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 2 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    I imagine laughing at people

    when I kill them. Is that normal? .... For me it is~ none of you know me but, I love death~ death is the ultimate experience, even when you watch yourself die
    Spirittamer Spirittamer 18-21, F 4 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    The1960texan The1960texan 51-55, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 18-21, F 9 Responses Aug 17

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 27 Responses Aug 26

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    Who is this Rorschach guy?

    And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 5 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Two women on their way back

    after a night out stop off at the grave yard to take a pee! One wipes her self with knickers and the other one a wreath.Next evening their two husbands are talking to each other at the bar....."that's the last time my missus is going out,she came home last night wearing no...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    If I didn't have any friends I think I could

    just make myself laugh all the time, Lol.
    ConfusedLittleTeenagedGirl ConfusedLittleTeenagedGirl 13-15, F 5 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    While watching The fault in our stars,

    while everyone in the theater was crying and in awe about the "sex" scene ... I was laughing and screamed "HOW THE HELL ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO ****?"
    ItsWhateverDoe ItsWhateverDoe 13-15, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Every summer for 4 months,

    I get two second year agricultural university students from France to work on my grain farm. They internship at my place and the goal is to learn English in an ag related environment. Well the other day one of them was fixing on a combine and it wasn't working out.......he stood...
    mongoheadmonster mongoheadmonster 31-35, M 16 hrs ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 66 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    ky17037 ky17037 26-30, M 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    I pissed myself yesterday

    when I realized my friend looks like a camel toe
    RatchetPizza RatchetPizza 13-15, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Me studying: Writes down 3 words Checks

    EP Changes song Gets snack Sneezes Contemplates life Loses place in notes Falls asleep -.-
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Aim for the moon! even

    if you miss youll land among the stars....slowly suffocating to death..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Why did Sally fall of the bike?

    Because Sally has Cerebral Palsy... Why did Sally fall of the swing? Because Sally has no arms... Knock Knock. Who's There? Not Sally...
    RatchetPizza RatchetPizza 13-15, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...