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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 139,543 People

    I got a job rejection email two days

    before Christmas. I guess timing is everything. They seem to have rejected all the applicants, as the job was just re-posted--without any changes. Go figure...I found it amusing.
    taxformspointman taxformspointman 56-60, M 7 hrs ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Dec 14

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    Ma calls me while I am out on a walk with

    friends. Ma: Come home. It's dark outside. Me: Thanx ma, for telling me. I hadn't noticed it yet.
    rabinafrost rabinafrost 18-21, F 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    Saw this earlier and had to laugh.

    We have a lot of these around the house and keep literally anything in them haha.
    Env06 Env06 26-30, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 69 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    NatashaRose NatashaRose 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    Does anyone like to take a step back

    and watch people from a third person perspective? Watching people go about doing their dumb stuff is humorous.
    vffries vffries 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I can't chew gum and take a shower at the

    sametime. physically impossible.
    loui24 loui24 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    xPiZzaIsBaex xPiZzaIsBaex 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    i would like to thank the staff of ep at this

    time for censoring my parody of a popular holiday classic,thank you very much,and pardon my vernacular.i guess its alright for other posts to say sexually explicit things which i will not list here.i wouldnt have enough time in my day to do so.thanks again,and **** you too...
    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Iย laughed so hard atย this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 40 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    Do suicide bombers have to demonstrate their

    skill in order to graduate?
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Titanic be like : I nominate all passengers

    for the ice bucket challenge..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 3

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    NatashaRose NatashaRose 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    You know what's ironic?

    ? English people invented manners.
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    A man walks into a costume party wearing nothing

    but blue jeans. The host looks at him and says, "What are you supposed to be?" "I am premature ***********", says the man. The host asks, "Well, where's your shirt and shoes?" "I just came in my pants."
    minioreosarebomb minioreosarebomb 22-25, M 2 Responses 58 mins ago

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    spent night in jail.merry christmas people.

    and a happy ******* new year too
    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 5 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 29 Responses Dec 8

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    spoonandstretch spoonandstretch 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    If you want people to remember you.

    Borrow money from them.
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 8 Responses Oct 18

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    Touching things that say,

    "DO NOT TOUCH" because you're the fearless bastard.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I don't find myself unattractive,

    but l also don't find myself attractive. I feel like I'm just sort of here, not something that really grabs anyone's attention. Sort of like a chair. Or maybe a lamp
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.ย  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.ย  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 63 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 10 mins ago

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    Thought Santa had visited my house early last

    night. Was in my bedroom, looked up and saw a man with a big red round face and big fat belly too. Turns out it was the mirror.
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 8 mins ago

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    I think this speaks

    for itself...
    miteinen miteinen 22-25, F 6 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Idk, some photos you've taken are SO

    meaningless, they have a way of meaning something to you ... Go figure?? :/ lol
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Message to Americans: Dear Americans.

    When you have pension and no longer work you're meant to say "Am retired..." NOT "Am retard!"
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Slicing all these carrots

    but I'm not even the gratest.
    HigherLife HigherLife 18-21, M 2 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 40 Responses Jul 16

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    The past, the present

    and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
    Kittenpowee Kittenpowee 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 23

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    Dentists make money off of people with bad

    teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 9 Responses Oct 3

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 8 Responses Dec 1

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    You call it lazy, I call it Selective

    Participation. ๐Ÿ˜
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 10 Responses Nov 20

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    I like to watch horror films

    and find discrepancies in the movie. I also laugh when other people usually are in shock and awe.
    cheche80 cheche80 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didnโ€™t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 16 Responses Jul 7

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    sarah696969 sarah696969 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 26

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    Always keep a knife under your pillow during

    the night .... You will never know when someone will break into your house to share a cake.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 2

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 24 Responses Sep 19

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    Real men EAT p#ssies,

    not ACT like them...
    AntonioV AntonioV 46-50, M 12 Responses Nov 22

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 18 Responses Dec 13

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    Finally some funny road rage.

    Haha I love this. Crazy Russia ... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AIBp-xnXv74
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 3 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Suicide bomb instructor to students.

    "Pay attention now. I'm only showing you this once"
    LTEP69 LTEP69 51-55, M 2 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 9 Responses Aug 19

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    The awkward moment when you gently toss your

    phone on your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock down 2 lamps, and kill a cat.
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 8 hrs ago

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