Post

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 117,206 People

    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My friends said she wanted to get a cat,

    and I was like, "You gotta be kitten me!" She hasn't talked to me since.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 4 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    today if my 3rd day in a row

    that I could fart without accidentally ******** myself. Hell yeah! #Gastroenteritis
    MaxSinner MaxSinner 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm weird but i call it original (: I'm doing

    me n happy with myself n the way I am. I'm a ******* weirdo but a good weirdo aha . I'm the bestiest n funniest friend you'll ever have that's forsure ahah(:
    youngadult14 youngadult14 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I hare that god dawn auto cucumber

    that awesome changes my works
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 22-25, M 5 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is it completely terrible

    that I was laughing hysterically at the fact that an 80 year old woman had two artificial knees? Isn't that just natures way of saying "c'mon lady you're too old"?
    daniisrude daniisrude 26-30, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 12 Responses Aug 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The dog is just staring at me

    and it's really creeping me out. I feel like he's planing to kill me in my sleep or some ****.
    CallMeChelsea CallMeChelsea 16-17, F 5 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Every time someone says "Pardon my French"

    after they swear, I say, "Alright, I took French class when I was in school, and what you just said was NOT French!"
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Roses are red, Violets are purple I'm not

    giving head ...****, nothing rhymes with purple
    NatashaRose NatashaRose 18-21, F 7 Responses 8 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I remember when I went outside naked.

    It was weird but I enjoyed myself :)
    imshy1234 imshy1234 13-15, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Have you ever ordered any silly thing on a

    restaurant? So, I have ordered "hot ice tea" on some restaurants when I was going out with my friends to see how the waiter/waitress react. Almost most of them just wrote it down and went away, then one minute later they came back to me and asked if I wanted a hot tea or ice tea...
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If i walk out of a store without buying

    anything my thoughts are, try not to look like or act like a criminal. Lmao
    deersa deersa 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 9 Responses Feb 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 44 Responses Jul 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Back when I was doing data entry

    for SourceHOV, I told everyone this woman in my work group was pregnant, so they had a celebration for her, and she had no idea what was going on.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I guess that's why I enjoy "Monty python's

    search for the holy grail".
    OzarksTrucker OzarksTrucker 36-40, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My friend came over before I had to leave last

    night and I was in tears I was laughing so hard.... at something that was SO FAR from funny, in fact it was kind of sad :( I don't know if I am just totally ****** in the head or if I find things funny that should not be when I feel uncomfortable either way we where both...
    Chicgeekgal Chicgeekgal 22-25, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Nov 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I bought a new shirt

    because I thought it was awesome. As soon as I put it on, I felt my self esteem go up. I wore it to work today and nobody said anything about it. I felt my self go down. The insecurity levels are ridiculous. Lol
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 1 Response 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I laugh at some of the most not

    so funny things ever !
    imshy1234 imshy1234 13-15, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If I make you breakfast in bed,

    say "Thank you." not "How did you get in my house?"
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses Jul 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I LIKE the idea of hurting people

    😭😭😡😭😭❗️
    chieww chieww 18-21, F 4 Responses 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck,

    if that particular woodchuck had a chainsaw?
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

    A: How do you breathe outta that thing?
    Mechnyte Mechnyte 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

    Your Response

    Cancel
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One time I went the they ER

    for pains, I was in a silly mood so I brought a carrot. When the doctor came in I took a bite of the carrot and said, "ehhh what's up doc?"
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 22-25, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Jan 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I was at my friends house

    and it was raining, so I poured a little fuel on the ground and lit it on fire. Next to it I put a sign that said "Adele was here" ...if you're not laughing somethin must be up cause that's funny haha
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 22-25, M 3 Responses 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I THINK I WANT MY BOYFRIEND to have to

    girlfriend" at same too . 💋💋💋💕💕💋
    chieww chieww 18-21, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I named my swimming pool "*****"

    so if I somehow drown in the pool, my friends will say that I died from drowning in *****.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    For instance, while we've been talking,

    I am imagining myself sitting on a throne, watching us.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The worst part of being an insomniac is having

    to eat spiders while I'm awake to maintain my yearly average.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I cannot tell jokes, I awkward end up like,

    "ahahahahahaaahhhhhhhhhahaha wait wait wait hahahahah Ahhh ok ok so then hahahahahahahaha THEN!!! Hahahahaha she, she said hahahahaha oh my god hahahahahahahaha and ahahaha hahahaha I said hahahahahahahaha NO!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahaha
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 22-25, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    sarahjane79 sarahjane79 31-35, F 10 Responses 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes I call my friend with an Indian accent

    and tell him I caught him stealing my goats haha
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 22-25, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 64 Responses Jun 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was going to get a job

    as a ********, but then I remembered that I can't dance, and I don't look good naked.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 7 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The paparazzi take pictures of women,

    and nothing happens. I take pictures of women, and I get arrested. I don't see why me being in her closet has anything to do with it.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    True friendships are

    when you get into an insult battle as you try to come up with the most hurtful :) Ahhh friendship
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 22-25, M 1 Response 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses