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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 126,622 People

    Sometimes, when a girl goes on about how great

    her boyfriend is, I'll say to her, "You're boyfriend sounds awesome. Is he single?" It usually leads to an awkward silence.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Shoulder riding. Having someone sitting on your

    shoulders with their legs wrapped round you in the small of your back is an unusual experience but a pleasant one.It has happened to me several times,but the most interesting one was several years ago,this lady rode on my back several times,she treated me as her horse and in...
    charles678 charles678 70+, M 20 hrs ago

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    disciple556 disciple556 26-30, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 16-17, F 9 Responses Aug 17

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    I laugh at jokes about really bad stuff like:

    What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A Jew doesn't scream when it's put in an oven! See!? It's dark
    CooperakaGreeq CooperakaGreeq 13-15, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    What do you call a sleepwalking Nun?

    ........ A Romin' Catholic ..... lol I don't know why this made me laugh so much
    jazsag19 jazsag19 16-17, F 4 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 26 Responses Aug 26

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.Β  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.Β  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 66 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    What's the difference between a drug dealer

    and a prostitute? ... The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again. Hahahahahahaha
    OverWorkedWoman OverWorkedWoman 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    seeing people die with blood in a movie is

    always funny to me ^_^ im sorry to ally friends 0.0
    TheRainbowDino TheRainbowDino 13-15, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    Perfect substitute for "I don't care"- "I

    frankly could not give a frog's fat ***". XD
    KittyKatLuvsYhu KittyKatLuvsYhu 13-15, F 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    Seriously, my sense of humor is proof

    that nature and nurture work together. My family is the source of most of my humor.
    GleefulLaughs GleefulLaughs 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    So today, one of my friends friends was

    bragging about her new job at McDonald's. She is 21, 2 years older than me. Basically she was rubbing it in everyone's face that only smart people have jobs. I don't really brag about my job, not that I'm not happy about it but I'm just not a massive snob like her. (PS she ain...
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 29 Responses Jul 16

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    What if the ice bucket challenge is a Catholic

    plot to baptize all nin-believers?
    nelby710 nelby710 18-21, F 37 Responses 6 days ago

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    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 4 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Three (3) guys are walking down the street.

    Two (2) of them walk right into a bar. The third (3rd) one ducks. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
    That76Dude That76Dude 36-40, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD πŸ‘…πŸ™
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses Aug 24

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 42 Responses Jul 16

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    thelonerinyourbed thelonerinyourbed 70+, T 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 8 Responses May 6

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    IΒ laughed so hard atΒ this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, β€œthe card is up his sleeve” or β€œhe hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    So, recently, my school finally gave in to the

    district and the students are supposed to wear I.D.'s on a lanyard around their necks. But me..? No..I'm different..I'm a freakin rebel.
    Justjonathan Justjonathan 16-17, M 3 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    This IS my breakfast music baby!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhE5i1KOrtI
    FreezerDog1 FreezerDog1 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    F0REVERY0UNG23 F0REVERY0UNG23 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Everyone seems to be normal

    until you see their browser history.
    Rinkika Rinkika 22-25, F 2 Responses 48 mins ago

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    How do you get 100000 trees into a car

    Put them in the ash tray XD
    Timbersaw Timbersaw 70+, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    I must have a weird sense of humor

    because this video had me in tears (laughing)! Though, at the end of it, I felt slightly unsettled...? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwQdFlCShag
    RedOctagon RedOctagon 22-25, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 11 Responses Aug 24

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    When you see a ice cream truck www.

    youtube.com/watch?v=64ULQCvz3BQ
    Potato4Life Potato4Life 16-17, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 7

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    UGLY GIRLS ARE LIKE UNICORNS THEY DONT EXIST

    Today a lady told me that her granddaughter gets bullied bad in high school cuz she is too skinny my heart broke im soo blessed that i get to be homeschooled but after hearing that it hurts that a group of girls can be so Freaken mean for no reason and thats y i wanna make a...
    desitor desitor 16-17, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I often do stupid things

    for the entertainment of others. This is especially true when I'm bored. I find that boredom enhances my stupidity. Once, when I was really bored, I had my dad shoot me with my Airsoft Shotgun while the neighbor girl filmed it.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    I used to be butthurt,

    but then I farted, relieving the stress from my ***.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I got these cheeseburgers www.

    youtube.com/watch?v=H_4nupAxvNw
    Potato4Life Potato4Life 16-17, M 2 days ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    Back when I was doing data entry at SourceHOV,

    a woman was sitting on my left, and a man was sitting on my right. The man often flirted with the woman with me right between them, so I started to become a cockblock. He would try to flirt with her, and I'd interrupt him to ask the woman a question. This went on for some time...
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 days ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    Dayman0x Dayman0x 22-25, F 3 Responses 8 hrs ago