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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 150,039 People

    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    Did you hear about the Agnostic,

    Dyslexic, Insomniac ? Stayed up all night pondering the existence of dog.
    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    You know I can handle Wednesday,

    just please get this camel out of my office.
    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    That horrible moment

    when you have no toilet paper and you scream for some and your brother brings you newspaper flavored with pepper spray. He has a mean and weird sense of humour.
    hindustaniberawem hindustaniberawem 16-17, M 13 hrs ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 19 Responses Jan 1

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    http://content-img.experienceproject.

    com/1429738110Toplv8-i.jpgIt works no matter what I do with it 
    HelterSkelter1 HelterSkelter1 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    I am never sure what to do with my eyes

    when I am at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    This. Is. Epic. https://www.

    youtube.com/watch?v=wjN8cKWwbpc
    astrokitty4341 astrokitty4341 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    gymrat1997 gymrat1997 16-17, M 1 hr ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    I'm the type of girl

    who bursts out laughing randomly at things you won't find nearly as hilarious as I do.
    Angieinthewonderland Angieinthewonderland 18-21, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I'd like to propose a toast: Here's to our wives

    and girlfriends, may they never meet.
    meme111111 meme111111 41-45, M 8 Responses Mar 14

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 43 Responses Feb 27

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    Hockeyplayer56 Hockeyplayer56 46-50, M 5 days ago

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    Years ago a girlfriend's father was OCD.

    For Christmas I gave him a label maker, her family still hates me for that.
    Ulfhednar74 Ulfhednar74 36-40, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Kumarie Kumarie 13-15, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Mar 9

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 26

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    I gave a girl my number

    and told her to call me when she gets home.. ... ... ... ... She must be homeless.
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 12 Responses Mar 9

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 18 Responses Mar 12

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    Next time your at a ATM withdrawing money.

    When it gives you your money ,start yelling 'I WON" I WON"!!!
    Hiddenheart101 Hiddenheart101 56-60, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    This pic made me laugh

    so hard idk why xD
    tarara0414 tarara0414 18-21, F 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 8 Responses Mar 3

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 13-15, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Two reporters talking: „Anyway,

    they were building the lower level on the George Washington Bridge, and we were doing a remote there. Except nobody told me! ...ten after seven in the morning I get a call "Where the hell are you? You're supposed to be on the George Washington Bridge!" I jump out of bed, throw...
    KimKarlsson KimKarlsson 16-17, M 5 days ago

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    Despite the old saying,

    "Don't take your troubles to bed with you." many women still sleep with their husbands. LOL (jokes)
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 17 mins ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    VeganSoChic VeganSoChic 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 26

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    I laugh at worst situation

    and serious at happy moments ohh y....
    yhasi yhasi 26-30, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 7 Responses Jan 20

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 27 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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