Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 153,234 People

    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What if a rasta farai became the next

    president: would Hilary Clinton grow dreadlocks?
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses May 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    You know you're ******

    when your late night thoughts come at the middle of the day
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 2 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    RatATwoEee RatATwoEee 16-17, M 2 Responses May 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me: nice race Guy: fastest man alive buddy Me:

    no wonder you can't get a date
    Xamad Xamad 22-25, M 2 Responses a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When the government started the war on drugs,

    they never expected the stoner to come up with the dur on wrags!
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am thinking, how great it would be

    if men had an off / on switch button like my lamp shade.
    holgado holgado 31-35, F 5 Responses May 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I hate Monday's, Tuesdays,

    Wednesdays, Thursday's, and half of Friday
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    vonnie123 vonnie123 16-17, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 17 Responses Mar 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My mom told me to follow my dreams .

    .. so I went back to sleep.. ????
    Anushkadeb Anushkadeb 16-17, F 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A tom cat hijacked a plane,

    stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 39 Responses Feb 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When the government started the war on drugs,

    they never expected the stoner to come up with the dur on wrags!
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I gave a girl my number

    and told her to call me when she gets home.. ... ... ... ... She must be homeless.
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 11 Responses Mar 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Some people say that blood is thicker

    than water... Guess they don't have access to corn starch or Coumadin.
    Delphineidunna Delphineidunna 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Women like to make it last.

    ..Men are done in seconds" ...................Cochino (nasty) get ur mind out of the gutter! Its a Reeses commercial!.........................lol!
    PhoenixRising83 PhoenixRising83 31-35, F 7 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    TLC is still a learning channel.

    It teaches you that, no matter how low you sink, you will never go that low.
    ScytheBunny ScytheBunny 18-21, F 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 7 Responses Jan 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A parrot swallows one

    if his owners Viagra. The owner is disgusted and puts him in the freezer to cool off. Half hr later he goes to check on his parrot. He opens the door and sees the parrot sweating. "Why are you sweating he asks" The parrot replies "Do you know how hard it is to open the...
    00dave 00dave 36-40, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I only have sex on days starting with the

    letter T Tuesday Thursday Today Tomorrow Thursday Thaturday Thunday
    00dave 00dave 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Last week I was in a native Indian reserve.

    Said some pretty insensitive things, and ended up burried so deep in the ground the local ranger had to use a truffle pig to locate my balls!
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When I went to the diner

    for a delivery job, the guy asked me if I had a car. I said, "Yeah, my car's right outside." The guy then asked me if I'm reliable. I paused for a second, and then I said, "My car's right outside."
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When ever I have a bad day at work,

    dealing with difficult people, I can't wait to get home and start cooking. And use my knives and instantly I feel better. There is something therapeutic about about my knife block that gives me such joy the moment I take out that knife and makes me smile when I insert it back in...
    holgado holgado 31-35, F 6 Responses May 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I love to laugh, if you ever get the chance to

    actually meet me, you'll know that I love to laugh! I've heard people who laugh and smile alot will live longer. I'm lucky. Most of the time I run into people who confess they sit and crack jokes in front of me just to hear me laugh, which is flattering. But, I tend to laugh in...
    KolorMePink KolorMePink 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It is all clear to me now.

    By giving Adam his tools, and Eve some stunner female features, God has shown us that he is either the ultimate voyeur or loves frustrated people!
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's the difference between a baby

    and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
    IntoxicatedLies IntoxicatedLies 16-17, M 2 Responses May 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was in a Northern Korean restaurant last week.

    They sure gave me a strange look when I asked for a doggie bag: "mens best fliend is not cannibal deal sil!"
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When the government started their war on drugs,

    they sure never expected the stoner to come up with a dur on wrags!
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 22