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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 153,604 People

    wlanonymouslw wlanonymouslw 18-21, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    ImProbablyWatchingNetflix ImProbablyWatchingNetflix 16-17, M 1 day ago

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    A tom cat hijacked a plane,

    stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
    blindfoldstacy blindfoldstacy 41-45, T 1 Response a week ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 20 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    A parrot swallows one

    if his owners Viagra. The owner is disgusted and puts him in the freezer to cool off. Half hr later he goes to check on his parrot. He opens the door and sees the parrot sweating. "Why are you sweating he asks" The parrot replies "Do you know how hard it is to open the...
    00dave 00dave 36-40, M a week ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    Damn.....was up early hoping to catch the fog

    the other day and I mist it !
    sex69marriage sex69marriage 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    My mom told me to follow my dreams .

    .. so I went back to sleep.. ????
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    Maybe I wouldn't be so angry

    and bitter all the time if I had trousers that had actual pockets in them
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 15 Responses Feb 26

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    I gave a girl my number

    and told her to call me when she gets home.. ... ... ... ... She must be homeless.
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 11 Responses Mar 9

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    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 4 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I recently got a burn on my hand

    and its healing slowly. the burn looks a lot like a zombie mark. I am slowly becoming a zombie.
    Sometimesilence Sometimesilence 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    When I went to the diner

    for a delivery job, the guy asked me if I had a car. I said, "Yeah, my car's right outside." The guy then asked me if I'm reliable. I paused for a second, and then I said, "My car's right outside."
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M May 26

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    *pretends to read birthday card

    after money's fallen out*
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I just felt like writing this story

    and saying. Herpaderp. that is all.
    Sometimesilence Sometimesilence 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Your eyes water when you yawn

    because you miss your bed and it makes you sad
    AnushkaDeb25 AnushkaDeb25 16-17, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    I only have sex on days starting with the

    letter T Tuesday Thursday Today Tomorrow Thursday Thaturday Thunday
    00dave 00dave 36-40, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    You know you're ******

    when your late night thoughts come at the middle of the day
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Films I am glad that were never made Look

    who's Stalking Any others?
    Leggyboygirl Leggyboygirl 31-35, M 5 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Some people say that blood is thicker

    than water... Guess they don't have access to corn starch or Coumadin.
    Delphineidunna Delphineidunna 26-30, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    If by ticklish you mean I'll turn into a rabid

    chihuahua when you touch me, then yes, I am ticklish
    maroonmonsterchip maroonmonsterchip 13-15, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    vonnie123 vonnie123 16-17, F 10 Responses a week ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 38 Responses Feb 27

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    Son: Dad I just had sex!

    Dad: Son, that's great! Come sit and tell me about it!! Son: I can't my *** hurts
    anonamanda001 anonamanda001 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    TLC is still a learning channel.

    It teaches you that, no matter how low you sink, you will never go that low.
    ScytheBunny ScytheBunny 18-21, F a week ago

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    5chuck6 5chuck6 18-21, M 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 7 Responses Jan 20

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    I knew a girl who thought

    that you could get a disease from sitting on a toilet seat. I told her that the only way that you can get a disease from a toilet seat is if you rub your genitals all over it and don't look before you sit. Maybe you deserve it then. She probably gave people plenty of diseases...
    Delphineidunna Delphineidunna 26-30, F 4 days ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 17 Responses Mar 12

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    It's not over until the fat lady sings,

    but if you want it to end early, I can put on a dress and yodel for you.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    Like... I start laughing at thing

    that aren't funny to other people and it's so embarrassing and I just stop laughing and than I start laughing again and everyone is looking at me like I'm a weirdo and it's just so awkward... I laugh when something falls and breaks. When other people laugh I laugh for some...
    itsLucy itsLucy 16-17, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Too bad jesus didn't study business

    administration. cuz he missed a **** load of disclaimers :D haha
    NobodyFrvr NobodyFrvr 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses