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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 150,765 People

    gamesformolly gamesformolly 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    When my first girlfriend said she was ready to

    walk down the aisle. . . . . . . I Sent her grocery shopping. . . .while I moved
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 19 Responses Mar 9

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    ƃuıɥʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ sǝop ʇxǝʇ ǝɥʇ

    uʍop ǝpısdn uı ʇı ƃnld noʎ ɟı ' pɹɐoqʎǝʞ qsn ʍǝu sıɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ ı
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 6 hrs ago

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 26

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 7 Responses Jan 20

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    Cool, . . .I Just got my invitation to Lady

    Gaga's wedding reception. . . . . I can choose between beef or chicken.. . . . . Not for the meal, that's the dress code.
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 26 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    I guess I just dont understand British culture .

    . . .But , What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I hate snakes . . . .

    . because they have no feet. . . . . . You could say I'm lacktoes intolerant.. . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 10 hrs ago

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    My neighbors a moron.

    . .Yesterday he got a new job and he told me all he does is drive around picking up Mexican chicks all day. . . . .Today he drove his work truck home . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    If "The Breakfast Club" were made today,

    . . . . .it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    AgentSean AgentSean 18-21, M 18 Responses Mar 12

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    My favorite quote ever,

    "Shut up, my mom says I'm cool!"
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    My neighbor's a moron.

    . . .the only way he knows how to run is Amok . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    I gave a girl my number

    and told her to call me when she gets home.. ... ... ... ... She must be homeless.
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 12 Responses Mar 9

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    I was bored yesterday.

    . . so I went to the Hardware store . . . .picked a crescent wrench. . . .and then proceeded to run up and down each aisle. . . .while yelling . . . "This Is Not A Drill ! "
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

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    I was bored yesterday.

    . . so I went to the Hardware store . . . .picked up a crescent wrench. . . .and then proceeded to run up and down each aisle. . . .while yelling . . . "This Is Not A Drill !"
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 27 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Even though sometimes it annoys me

    that my brothers don't get my jokes despite they make the same kind of jokes and I "get" them.
    andrewvickers andrewvickers 22-25, M 2 hrs ago

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    Don't ya hate it when the grammar nazis single

    you out. . . .it's like they are on some kind of which hunt.. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    I remember the first time I had sex.

    . . .boy was i so scared. . . .I think it's because I was alone . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    . . . . and then there are those people

    who say I just have too much time on my hands . . .so to speak. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 10 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    It seems to me . . . .

    The Bachelor is the show that answers the question . . . "How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he'd make a good husband?". . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Our boss just banned the use of overly specific

    nicknames in the office. . . . ., and now all my co-workers are glaring at Linda, the Bitchy Snitch Who Always Ruins A Good Time.. . . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

    .. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
    SkollHati SkollHati 18-21, M 7 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    My dog just winked at me.

    I'm pretty sure something's about to go down...
    juskeepswimming juskeepswimming 31-35, F 19 hrs ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    Boy oh boy. . . .somebody authorized this job

    at city hall . . .and every body is pointing fingers at every one else . . .its being dubbed "Gategate"
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

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    'll never forget the day my parents told me I

    was adopted . . . I was 17 and they said , "Ken , you were adopted !" , I said "Really ? " They said , , ,"Yes, and They'll be here in 5 minutes . . . ."
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    My wife says I should have told this lady about

    her sweatshirt . . .I said "No way. . . Mickey knows where his head is at , she's the one that doesnt have clue!"
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    Man. . .I had a dream last night .

    . . I was in a parallel universe. . . and nobody could park. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB

    instead of WebMD . . . . and it told me I have Gary Busey. . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Now here's something to think about

    while you are on hold . . . .which would be worse . . . .doing this boring job . . . .or having the job title of "Deboner". . . .it almost sounds French. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 day ago

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 16 Responses Feb 26

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    wow, mind blown, the Native Americans actually

    changed the term Indian from a slang to something worshipped in sports, then reminded everyone and destroyed all the effort from their forefathers. crazy to think.
    Golfknar Golfknar 36-40, M 1 day ago