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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 158,577 People

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    Whenever my hydrophobic friend is too afraid to

    get in the pool, I yell "Water you waiting for? Jump in!"
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    thekingwizard thekingwizard 18-21, M 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    I'm hanging out with my friend,

    and I fart. I tell him he stinks, and he tells me it was me. I said that it was him, and I knew because the sound came from behind me. He responds by saying that's where my *** is. I say, "Yeah. My ***. That's how I knew it was you."
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Thanks for your order from our sex shop.

    U asked for the large red dilldoo as featured on our wall Please re-select, that is our fire extinguisher!!
    geneprint geneprint 41-45, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    My friend thinks I might be good at writing

    erotic stories, but that seems really hard. My friend offered to help, but she's not really gentle when she gives me advice or criticism. She likes to ram it down my throat. Are these sex jokes doing anything for ya?
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 8 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Library lost power. Fancy library.

    Parking lot is solar. But still a power outage. Me asks if solar goes to city. And if city charges them for power. Lol.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 hr ago

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 28

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    I was talking about selling my body

    for money. My artist friend said she'd let me know if anyone needs a model. I have to admit, that sounds like a much better idea than becoming a ******** since I can't dance.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 36 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 11 Responses Jan 25

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    I doubt Vodka is the answer,

    but it's worth a shot
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 14 Responses Feb 26

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    I came to have sex and drink milk,

    and I've got a gallon of milk to go.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 6 Responses Jan 20

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    https://search.yahoo.

    com/search?p=stick+it+commercial&fr=iphone&.tsrc=apple&pcarrier=C+Spire&pmcc=311&pmnc=230
    dandylion7 dandylion7 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    If you think my shorts are "To short" I want

    you to consider the following - There called shorts. - I look dam good 😂
    XXimdeadinsideXX XXimdeadinsideXX 13-15, F 15 Responses 5 days ago

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    Life is like a roll of toilet paper.

    The closer it gets to the end the faster it goes!
    silverfox54 silverfox54 61-65, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    Why do shrinks need shrinks.

    Because they know pills dont work. And their sessions with us Create bucket list additions That make them clients. To keep from being fired When the bucket list additions Become urges.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance

    by switching my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 5 days ago

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    I'm listening to Aqua

    and dancing alone in my room... So naturally I'm recording weird videos of myself dancing and making strange faces and sending them to random people in my phone. Sorry Trudy, you're going to wake up to all this *rubs hands all over body* getting down something fierce. Yeeehaw...
    anhonestgirl anhonestgirl 26-30, F 3 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    xXTaikaXx xXTaikaXx 13-15, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I posted this on Facebook

    after I got ran over. Lmao
    DeIuxedEdition DeIuxedEdition 18-21, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 8 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I've been told I look very sexy.

    With my clothes on. And the lights off.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    People don't think I'm cool,

    but that's OK because my teachers said I didn't think at all.
    Spyro93 Spyro93 18-21, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 37 Responses Feb 27

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    I have a very weird sense of humour

    yet totally random, sometimes I get people thinking "WTF" and they end up laughing. I have no limits when it comes to my sense of humour, I find heaps of stuff funny, from sick twisted dark sense of humour to immature poo jokes. And I am not easily offended either.
    WokenandOpen WokenandOpen 31-35, M 6 days ago

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 13 Responses Jan 11

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    Today I had to go to the doctor's office.

    As I sit there I'm thinking, why do they even bother giving you an appointment time if they are going to make you wait anyway. They should say it doesn't matter when it is we were trained by the DMV, just take a number and wait till we call you. If your going to make me wait...
    cmyk323 cmyk323 36-40, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    OrphanBlackFan OrphanBlackFan 26-30, F 14 Responses Mar 13

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    My doctor told me that I am crazy.

    I said "I want a second opinion" He said "OK, you're ugly too!"
    GJOFJ3 GJOFJ3 56-60, M 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    Multicolour12 Multicolour12 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    I just found out today

    that the guy I was dating for a couple of weeks is a sexual predator and is posted on the Megan's Law website. FUUUUUN
    jahna1961 jahna1961 51-55, F 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    My bosses son came in the restaurant high.

    Now she is mad and so is his sister. Its kinda funny. Sweet revenge.
    Spoticus Spoticus 18-21, F 3 days ago

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    Hey. You. Yes you.

    Pooopeee faced ego. My life experiences trump your degrees. So take what you learned In that overpriced school. And all of those years diagnosing For the pill pushing hoar companies. And go humpp a cactus.