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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 152,539 People

    i can find humor in the most serious of

    situations, as well be the only person laughing when it's complete silence.
    Vladek Vladek 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hi guys, anyone awake?

    I'm a lonely girl :(
    wetnightdreams wetnightdreams 18-21, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Smart Guy + Smart Gal = Love Smart Guy + Dumb

    Gal = Pregnancy Dumb Guy + Smart Gal = Marriage Dumb Guy + Dumb Gal = The Jeremy Kyle Show
    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    how I clean my room: -starts at one

    corner -finds something from 6 years ago and stares at it nostalgically for 5 hours -goes to bed
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 26

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    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 37 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    jim054 jim054 51-55, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    I gave a girl my number

    and told her to call me when she gets home.. ... ... ... ... She must be homeless.
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 11 Responses Mar 9

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 3

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 14 Responses Jan 23

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Mar 9

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    Last week I was in a native Indian reserve.

    Said some pretty insensitive things, and ended up burried so deep in the ground the local ranger had to use a truffle pig to locate my balls!
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 day ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 76 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    When ever I have a bad day at work,

    dealing with difficult people, I can't wait to get home and start cooking. And use my knives and instantly I feel better. There is something therapeutic about about my knife block that gives me such joy the moment I take out that knife and makes me smile when I insert it back in...
    holgado holgado 31-35, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    When the government started the war on drugs,

    they never expected the stoner to come up with the dur on wrags!
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 day ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 27 Responses Mar 14

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 20 Responses Jan 8

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    AmbitionWithaClearVision AmbitionWithaClearVision 16-17, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    I recently decided I want a sex change

    but unfortunately my wife says missionary is as far as she'll go!
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 days ago

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 18 Responses Jan 1

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    I hate gambling. I bet ya you hate gambling too!

    Come on, I'll give you three to one odds!
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 3 days ago

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    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 7 Responses Jan 20

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 61 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    What if a rasta farai became the next

    president: would Hilary Clinton grow dreadlocks?
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 25

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    I am an almond, a pecan,

    a macademia, pistachio, well, to make it short: I am nuts!
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Duct tape can't fix stupidity

    but it can muffle its sound.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 12

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    When the government started the war on drugs,

    they never expected the stoner to come up with the dur on wrags!
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 day ago

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    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 3 days ago

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    Last week I was first to bet on a horse

    that came in last. So this week I'll be last to bet on the horse that will come in first!
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 days ago

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    What's the difference between a baby

    and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
    IntoxicatedLies IntoxicatedLies 16-17, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 9 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 22-25, F 41 Responses Feb 27

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 9 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    I'm a very nerdy person.

    Sometimes I imitate German accents. It's bad. 😳
    deliriouslydreaming deliriouslydreaming 16-17, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 9 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    We live in a society

    where pizza gets to your house before the police.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 18-21, F 12 Responses Jan 28

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    Last night I met ET waring a bra.

    He said E-teet phone home!
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Last night I met an angel in distress,

    and now I am going to heaven for helping! He was in a keg of beer and begged me to drink him out of there, and I am pretty sure I succeeded!
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 days ago

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    Evil is baking your husband's favorite cookies

    when he tells you 'I won't eat anything you make with those duck eggs!' Peanutbutter Oatmeal Raisin (& chocolate chip) cookies.
    teadiva teadiva 31-35, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    crypticcrime crypticcrime 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    People that tell me they're on a diet,

    where is your dedication?! I'm on like 3 different diets! You've heard right, I always like to eat at least 3 times a day! :D
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 5 days ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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