I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket...

Flight home...3 hours. Not that bad, really. I usually talk quietly to my seatmate or read my Kindle...or music is always welcome.Not this time. We board the plane. Stick the cats under the seats, leaving me almost nowhere to put my...

When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the...

This is a brief account of what happened as we waited to board the plane.We waited...the plane had just arrived and for some reason no one came off. Waited longer...fifteen minutes went by. Waited even longer. Starting to feel really...

A yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and told the proprietor he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.
"That's a lot of chicks...

An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. 

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.. 

She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy...

Hi everyone....just to bring you up to snuff on how things went last night, lol...I checked into the airport with:1) unloaded Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum2) one Buck folding hunting knife with abalone hand grip that was lost in one of...

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a...

The problem with my kind of humor is, that I always have to explain myself or make sure that other's know I'm just kidding. Or that it's so over the top that others wouldn't find it funny but a bit overdo lol. By then, it isn't even...

Ok…I admit...It isn’t a statistical anomaly at all. I just like to call it that…because doing so makes my day seem a little more fun and adventurous when interesting and funny things happen...like:

Meeting the same slowly...

Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the...

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of...

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha

Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute.

Two Mischievous Brothers

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town...

0 – Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.

1 – Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.

2 – Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.

3...

1. If I had done the things I did in high school during modern times, I would have been expelled and possibly incarcerated. Back then boys just got into fights - because they were boys.

2. I would far rather be broke and happy than...

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
–Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
–Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a...

Two hicks walk into a pub. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their

moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that...

Bags got checked without much in the way of stress. Once we had dropped off our bags and checked in...all was well. Now we headed for TSA/Security...my heart pounding and my hands sweaty, lol. Would I actually be able to get through...

Woke up a little nervous today, lol.Today I travel...fly home with a handgun packed in my suitcase. A lot of you have already heard me whine about TSA and how they seem to like to frisk me every time I fly.I have met all of the airline...