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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 170,708 People

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    Do you ever notice that

    when you are ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring longer than usual
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 18 Responses Jan 8, 2015

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    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can

    go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 13 Responses Jan 23, 2015

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    I do . I will laugh at the craziest things ,

    and stuff that my friends don't find funny at all
    Itsmemario717 Itsmemario717 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I lost my teeth in a bike accident

    while impressing someone!!!!
    fahad7khan fahad7khan 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 30

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    Squatlife Squatlife 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    When a male writes a story on EP,

    he gets a heart. When a female writes a story on EP, she gets 20 hearts, 60 responses, 30 boxes of chocolates and 2 wedding proposals.
    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 8 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    stomach mad, butthole sad I thought of this

    after I ate a hotdog for dinner and got rlly bad poop
    goodatnothing goodatnothing 18-21, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    I'm thinking about changing the brand of

    bottled water I drink. I really need to start stepping outside of my comfort zone.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 2 Responses Jan 28

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    It's funny how up until around 14 years old

    "69" was just another number..
    akaShaun akaShaun 18-21, M 26 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    xkmb xkmb 56-60 1 Response Jan 28

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    twerkingnarwhals twerkingnarwhals 16-17, M 6 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    If I make you breakfast in bed all I need is a

    "thank you". Not all this "how did you get in my house" business.
    Thisis4fun Thisis4fun 56-60, M 8 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    "Jessica you can't go with me

    unless you put pants on"
    jexiccaa jexiccaa 18-21, F 5 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to

    go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 6 Responses Mar 3, 2015

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 77 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    You all have been lied to.

    Blue cheese, it's not really blue.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    bigunsatx bigunsatx 36-40, M 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 59 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    JustBipolarMe JustBipolarMe 46-50, M 4 Responses Jan 29

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    Beer: Making guys think

    that they can dance for centuries.
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73 41-45, M 3 Responses Jan 29

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    Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell

    you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't...
    deleted deleted 26-30 14 Responses Mar 13, 2015

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    Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

    - - - Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 12 Responses Jan 11, 2015

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    I laugh at some things

    that I probably shouldn't laugh at :/
    Sicgoat173 Sicgoat173 16-17, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    My male friend went to doctors the other day to

    ask what's the best treatment for baldness. The doctor said "I have the same problem and the best thing is female love juices". My friend looked at the doctor and replied "but doctor,you are balder than me"?. Doctor looked and said to my friend "but you must admit,I have one...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 10 Responses Sep 26, 2014

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    If a girl says "First of all",

    run. There's never been a good "first of all". You've never heard a girl say "First of all, I'm gonna suck your ****". And you never will. "First of all" means that girl has done research, has data and her pie charts ready and you are done. xD
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 8 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Your call is very important to us.

    Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
    esmer2496 esmer2496 18-21, F 16 Responses Mar 9, 2015

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    I don't know today I read this book about this

    EMO guy and now I can't help but think "I want an EMO boyfriend or bestfriend" 😂😳??
    dyingflower16 dyingflower16 16-17, F Jan 28

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    Newconvo1 Newconvo1 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 30

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    *Boy sees girl crying* Boy: Whats wrong?

    girl: im scared youll sleep with another girl boy: i know i will..and she will call you mommy girl *giggles* i think you got it wrong silly boy: i know what i said
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    Isn't it weird that we have one hand

    that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "Idk to how to hold a pencil.." O.O
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 17 Responses Jan 1, 2015

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    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M a week ago

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    Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we

    should go out sometime Me trying to flirt: So.... do you like bread?.... ~.~
    JennyAB JennyAB 16-17, F 25 Responses Mar 14, 2015

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 25 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Fifty shades of Grey is only considered romantic

    because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
    CestLaVegan CestLaVegan 26-30, F 30 Responses Feb 27, 2015

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    To do is to be - Nietzsche To be is to do -

    Kant Do be do be do - Sinatra D'oh - Simpson
    WhereIsMyBeard WhereIsMyBeard 26-30, T Feb 2

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    It was absolutely absurd how the camera pointed

    to Josh Norman crying at the end of the Superbowl. They must of thought Twitter was going to ignore it.
    Mooresville Mooresville 13-15, M 1 day ago

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    20 years ago we had Johnny cash,

    bob hope, and Steve jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs. Please... Never let Kevin bacon die..
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 10 Responses Jan 25, 2015

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    Ok. So, this is very immature

    and classless and pretty hilarious all rolled into one! Tonight I taught my dog to raise his paw when asked "who farted?" He does it so good! Hahaha! He looks so silly! I'm still giggling....
    Femininewiles Femininewiles 26-30, F 17 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 4 Responses Feb 2

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    My girlfriend just left me.

    The fact that she's imaginary makes it worse.
    deleted deleted 26-30 17 Responses Mar 12, 2015

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    Does anyone else get splash-back on your

    sphincter when a really big poop drops in the toilet? Happens to me sometimes; makeshift bidet.
    NoReasonToLiveForMe NoReasonToLiveForMe 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Another hookup hazard

    that we could learn from: When considering on saying 'Yes' to a match, never assume that a generous-sized c*ck doesn't come with an annoyingly humongous d*ckhead.
    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 2 Responses Feb 1