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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 110,074 People

    There is nothing better then someone you can be

    weird with, when no matter what you say; how stupid, embarrassing or strange it may be, that person just gets you! Lol.
    deleted deleted 26-30 15 Responses Mar 18

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    What did one ocean say to the other?

    ..nothing they just waved
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why did the little girl with no arms drop her

    ice cream? Why? Cause she got hit by a bus...
    newshoes13 newshoes13 18-21, M 3 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Scenario/Question: True story: I went to a

    routine physical last year on my birthday, which is on Halloween. My doctor, a young female doctor, was dressed as a housewife with curlers and a robe. We got through all the routine stuff quickly enough. Then she sat on a stool and wheeled herself over to me and asked me to...
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 66 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    I'm ugly, and I'm forgetful,

    but at least I'm not ugly.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    I was in "that"aisle

    and my mother was a few steps away but I was being lazy so me being the awesome person that I am,I yelled at her "MOM DO YOU THINK ITS TIME FOR YOU TO STOP USING TAMPONS IF YOU KEEP PLUGGING IT UP ILL NEVER GET A BROTHER"😂😂 It was awesome my mom was mortified and I couldn...
    spanishcowboys4eva spanishcowboys4eva 16-17, F 11 Responses May 6

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    Why did the ******* cross the road?

    To get to their *****... Knock knock. who's there ? The *******
    newshoes13 newshoes13 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    You know that one friend

    that always has to be better, to be smarter, and funnier than everyone else in the room? = "Doug" I love messing with Doug, just so easy. Just agree profusely to all the bullshit he says. "Oh ya? For realsies?! Whaaaat? You fought a tiger!! Noooo f'ing way you're da besties...
    alam88 alam88 22-25, M 4 days ago

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    whitezombie1986 whitezombie1986 26-30, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    519M 519M 13-15, F 4 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Balloons are weird. Like Happy Birthday.

    Here is a plastic sack full of my breath.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 8 Responses May 31

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    There's no way I'm a virgin.

    Not with the way the manager at Walmart keeps ******* me over. I wish he'd at least buy me dinner first. I'm a pretty cheap date too. A burger is good enough for me. Hell, I'd get naked for a milkshake.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    I just taught my 5 year old sister how to twerk

    because we were bored... Funniest thing ever!
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 20 Responses 3 days ago

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    What does a nosey pepper do?

    Get jalapeño business. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
    newshoes13 newshoes13 18-21, M 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    Do I have a date for Valentine's day?

    Of course ! February 14
    lostCake lostCake 22-25, F 10 Responses Feb 13

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    When I talk to myself out loud I call myself by

    another name so people think I'm talking to an imaginary person. Ha! My roommates think I'm weird lol
    LovelyLadyJ LovelyLadyJ 22-25, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    "when i die id like to go the way my grand

    father did. Peaceful in his sleep; Not screaming with fear like everyone else in the car"
    Zack607 Zack607 22-25, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    suzannah98 suzannah98 16-17, F 3 Responses Apr 14

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    I am moving on and becoming a new person.

    .to all the people i owe money too...im sorry but i have moved on now
    ThePursuitOfHappiness ThePursuitOfHappiness 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 64 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    I ordered a package a few days ago,

    and the internets told me that it should be in today...At least I know what my plans are today.
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 3 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 33 Responses Jul 16

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 24 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    When Insults Had Class -- Courtesy Of Stumble Upon (my Other Addiction)

    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” –Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 18 Responses Oct 13, 2011

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    gersonc gersonc 16-17, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    I'm not sure why, but

    for whatever reason I just love seeing people get autocorrected, with the result being completely unrelated to the work the person is typing. For example, an f-bomb gets changed into duck.
    therealjeric therealjeric 16-17, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Well mine is up beat,

    or I can laugh at what people can't see what part is funny until I mention, then they be like oh that's harsh. So yeah
    kamachulu kamachulu 22-25, M 2 hrs ago

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    stephanyee stephanyee 18-21, F 7 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 23 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    I accidentally made a dirty phone call to KFC.

    Last few times I went there I got these tiny pieces of chicken. I called and asked "how big are your breasts?" The words were out of my mouth before my brain said "don't ask that!" The lady who answered the phone hung up on me.
    pardax pardax 13-15, M 10 Responses 4 days ago

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    I laugh at random things,

    gross out things, goofy things, dark humor, and insults (not seriously offensive but still Comedy Central roast like humor)
    Dayzdreamer Dayzdreamer 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I find it funny how everything you say becomes

    p3rv3rted when you add: "if you know what I mean" and a grin. "Hi, I'm Ansonicchi, if you know what I mean." *grin* "Here's your today's paper, if you know what I mean." *grin* "I'm going to the bathroom, if you know what I mean." *grin* "Wanna have lunch? If you know what I...
    Ansonicchi Ansonicchi 18-21, M 8 Responses Jun 16

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    If you are childish, like I am,

    and want a good laugh, then try this. Replace a noun from a famous political speech with the work penis. I have been entertaining myself that way for the last few minutes. Again, I am admitting that I am childish, and that this is a ridiculous and immature game. Enjoy. :D
    purposebuilt purposebuilt 22-25, M 7 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    While I was being given a tour of a mental

    asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, “How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?” The doctor answered, “We have a standard test. We fill up a bathtub with water, then give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him or her to...
    rafael1983 rafael1983 31-35, M 5 Responses Jan 3

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    'Will you be the thymine to my adenine?

    Applications are now open'
    moonziggy moonziggy 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    ludix ludix 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    True Story: I was about to get into shower an

    hour ago, knock at the door, so I put my robe on and answered it. It was a lady, Jehovah's Witness. I let her talk for about 10 second before I started to untie the cord to my robe ... and suddenly she was gone
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 8 Responses Mar 29

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    If I make you breakfast in bed,

    say "Thank you." not "How did you get in my house?"
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 5 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    I love going tmi during conversations.

    I just told a complete stranger "Brb I can feel my period leaking" and his reply was just "Omg -_-"
    metaphornographic metaphornographic 18-21, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    CLUB RULES 1. fish for a bae,

    they are usually a lot in these waters 2. if your booty is "dropping down low", please pick it up so no one trips on it 3. when in doubt shrek it out 4. I-G-G-Why would you not be turning up to this song 5. fry some eggs, make everyone feel welcome 6. that is not red wine you...
    lxathing lxathing 13-15, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Why would anyone in their right mind watch a

    video that people say will "melt your heart"? I'm pretty sure a melted heart will cause you to stop being alive.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 4 hrs ago

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