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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 121,794 People

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    I stared at her n she stared at me

    for a good hour. Then I finally said... "Nice hair." Smiling, I realised she too was shy. "You have a bogey coming out yer nose. Sat here for an hour thinking how I should tell you... and if I should or not," she said, giggling. *Wipe my nose with a hanky* Now I say...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    What has no thumbs, a long tongue

    and likes to touch himself? My dog.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 3 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Have you heard of Alexander Graham Bell Polaski?

    He was the first telephone Pole.
    brettrocks96 brettrocks96 18-21, M 1 Response 11 mins ago

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    I asked my friend who works

    as a elevator man for a hotel how his job was going? he said "Oh you know..it has its ups and downs"..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 10 Responses Aug 24

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    Women always call ugly

    until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    MyaA13 MyaA13 13-15, F 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    I swear when I'm joking,

    people think I'm being serious. But when I'm being serious, they think I'm joking. Screw logic.
    Zephyix Zephyix 13-15, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    It's really dry and caustic,

    sometimes self- depreciating. Most people don't understand my sense of humor.
    ajrestless ajrestless 18-21, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    The following is an actual question given on a

    University of Washington chemistry mid-term. **"Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof." ** The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the...
    JoeGogg JoeGogg 36-40, M 12 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 1 day ago

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    Hahaha sexting fail! Idk

    where my sis saw this but I almost pissed myself laughing... Guy: hey Girl : hey Guy: wud Girl: laying in bed Guy: just that? Really? Aren't you doing anything else? Girl: I'm eating cereal Guy: what would you do if I was in bed with you right now? Girl: eat my cereal Guy...
    kittykat6918 kittykat6918 13-15, F 10 Responses Aug 17

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses 5 days ago

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    I'm a chronic over-thinker,

    so I try to keep things light. Tragic circumstances call for morbid humor. As inappropriate as it may be, that's how I deal. Some of the most heated and controversial subjects (prejudice, politics, religion, sex) I come across, I wait for just the right moment to break the...
    adianoeta adianoeta 26-30, F 2 Responses 18 mins ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 31 Responses Jul 16

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses Aug 21

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    you cant make someone fall in love with you.

    ..you can only stalk them and hope for the best
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 7 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    This is a stupid joke

    that I've loved since Kindergarden. Once there was a kid named Butt-iches. The kid just moved to a new town and started a new school. Teacher: Class this is our new student, what's your name? The boy replies "My name is Butt-iches". The teacher is shocked and asks again...
    ThatRobotChick ThatRobotChick 18-21, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just once I would like to go yo the store

    and find a potato that tastes like a potato instead of tasting like ground up cardboard.
    OzarksTrucker OzarksTrucker 36-40, M 5 hrs ago

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    Every time I watch a zombie movie

    or play a zombie game, anything that involves blood and guts, I want to eat something squishy and drink Koolaid out of my skull cup. I also tend to put the strawberry ice cream on the top cause I like to pretend I'm eating brains. Mmmm grey matter
    ThatRobotChick ThatRobotChick 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    So, if you eat a homosexual,

    is that cannibalism or just your recommended daily serving of fruit?
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 8 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    I love "trolling" (which has a lot of

    definitions, from playful playing to serious harrassment, I do the first said) and I love really short, stupid kinda words. I know right, weirddd xD Here's an example of both combined. Notice the stupidity of the question combined with short words making a trolling question :)
    LindavdB LindavdB 13-15, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Diabetes runs in my family,

    and that's the only thing that runs in my family.
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 4 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    It's not mine but it's awesome just my level of

    humor. "What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical qustion?"
    deltaqu deltaqu 31-35, M 4 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    Stalking is all fun and games

    until you accidentally "like" an old picture
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 4 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    Misadventured Misadventured 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    What is something that no one reads

    but is forced to accept? Terms and Conditions
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I came up to my friend

    and yelled "expect, the unexpected!!!!! 0-0" then slapped him. He said "now what was that for?" I said "did you expect it? No? You have failed me" *backs away slowly*
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hahahahhaah

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Lol im sooooo bored hahahahaahhaha
    Ashey16 Ashey16 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    I can make really conceited jokes,

    even though I'm far from conceited. My jokes can even be kind of rude, I'm sarcastic almost all of the time, and I dislike the fact that when someone hears one of my jokes, whether it be conceited, sexual, or rude, they automatically think that I must have no friends because of...
    lunalancing lunalancing 16-17, F 2 days ago

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    I worked at a gas station

    for a little over a year and in that time I got to know everybody within a 20 miles radius. All on different schedules than one another but for me, always on time- coffee, cigarettes, whatever. There was this kid Sean, I believe he had cerebral palsy, he was in a wheelchair and...
    sunkern sunkern 18-21, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses Aug 22

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    "If my *** looked as good

    as your face, I'd be proud to moon people." - Me, jokingly flirting
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    "I had a dream about you.

    " "Awww..." "Yeah, you died."
    SuicidalSilence SuicidalSilence 13-15 5 Responses Jan 10

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    I laughed really hard,

    to the point of tears, watching the "iD Gum" commercial with the eagle in it, when it caws! Every time. I don't know why!
    RedOctagon RedOctagon 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    all i have to say is yes

    because this is literally me ^
    PeaceAndLove1 PeaceAndLove1 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 43 Responses Jul 16