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I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 120,158 People

    I often wonder when you get accupuncture is

    there a voodoo doll screaming in an alternate universe.?
    Songbird35 Songbird35 31-35, F 11 Responses Aug 19

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 27 Responses 3 days ago

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    A man received message from his neighbor.

    . Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight...
    Allwaysthink825 Allwaysthink825 22-25, F 14 Responses Mar 1

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    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 1 Response Aug 3

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    A burglar broke into a house one night.

    He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a voice in the dark say 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head and continued. Just as he...
    drs0307 drs0307 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 26

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    This is actually pretty terrible,

    for a situation that really has no simple solutions, but kinda apt summary that I can see the humor in from "Andrej" on Twitter: Obama: There's no military solution to Ukraine crisis. Putin: Challenge accepted.
    Faust76 Faust76 36-40, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    TAKE NOTE!!! White folks do stand up comedy in

    a quiet tone. Even the audience laff reasonably loud. INDIANS... please take note. Coffee shops do a smack bang job when it comes to their seating arrangements (UK). Leather seats, fine tables. McDONALD'S, please take note. I went in town this weekend for a shirt and trousers...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 22 hrs ago

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    I Just Found Out I'm Not A Lesbian

      An old cowboy named Marty sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..  She turned to Marty and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'  He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 67 Responses Feb 28, 2010

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    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    My mom passed away a year ago

    and I make jokes about it because that's the only way I can deal with it! Yup I'm messed up! lol
    SuperLizLoves SuperLizLoves 18-21, F 32 Responses Jul 16

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    When I'm bored I go to **** sites

    and write in the comments section: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your father and I are heartbroken." Kik: JustRyan21
    JustRyan JustRyan 18-21, M 9 Responses May 21

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    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I laughed so hard at this....Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 24 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    LEMONkinks LEMONkinks 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    There's a guy who asked me " do you pleasure

    yourself ? " And I was like : yeah ... by eating Him : it wasn't what I meant but ok Me : that's the point HAHAH I AM WEIRD 👅🙏
    Flowerydedo Flowerydedo 16-17, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    Life is like toilet paper.

    You're either on a roll or you're taking **** from some *******.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Aug 3

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    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 11 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    When Miley Cyrus is naked

    and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
    onelife4u onelife4u 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 2

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    Existence is a ripe plum tomato,

    covered in chocolate and black pepper. Sex is strawberry flavoured fish fingers. Men are elephant grey balloons tied to a yellow silk lamp post.
    DearbhalC95 DearbhalC95 18-21, F 4 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    I have a very complex sense of humor.

    Not saying it would take a genius to understand my jokes, not at all.. Only people who I have more of a connection with seem to get my humor and when they do, I feel like quite the comedian. :)
    StoneColdNipZz StoneColdNipZz 18-21, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Once, It Almost Got Me Fired

    When putting myself through school, years ago, I supported myself by working various retail jobs.  I quite enjoyed retail...liked working with people, helping people find what they were looking for.  Christmas, however, was not the most enjoyable time of year while working in...
    Whym Whym 36-40, F 65 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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    Stickboy1984 Stickboy1984 26-30, M 7 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Curiousgirl1999 Curiousgirl1999 13-15, F 11 Responses 5 days ago

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    NOT SEXIST!!! A woman walks in a shop n say's

    to the staff member... Sir, sir! I think I need glasses!!! "You certainly do, Madam! This is the opticians... Not your kitchen." "Sorry, sir. I'll go back where I rightfully belong." Lady leaves. The manager pops from the back n says to the one n only staff member... Well...
    Sazzio Sazzio 22-25, M 3 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Ya... I always laugh

    when people die in movies
    helloworldsecretunicorn helloworldsecretunicorn 13-15 1 hr ago

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    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    Is This Joke Funny Or Is It Just Me?

    A young man began his career as a magician on a cruise ship. Vital to his act was his pet parrot - the bird would always steal his act by giving away the trick, “the card is up his sleeve” or “he hid the dove in his pocket.” This always got a great laugh from the audience...
    deleted deleted 26-30 22 Responses Jan 2, 2012

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    When I was very young my grandparents used to

    watch my younger sister and I. My grandmother, who was an amazing woman that I miss very much, told me when you don't know what to do, smile. It has since, believe made me have the strangest sense of humor, and I love it. It has also caused me to be happier. Even in...
    lilHuman lilHuman 22-25, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    ****! Insomnia, you ought to know better

    than jump out at me like that. It's a good thing I recognized you otherwise, you'd have gotten knocked the **** out.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I was hanging out with a guy

    who seemed to be really into me, we were at a park sitting on a bench. He said "scoot closer, you're too far away" & I replied "why don't you just come over here and sit on daddy's lap ;)" he didn't think it was funny and asked me never to say that again. If you can't laugh when...
    rangek rangek 18-21, F 43 Responses Jul 16

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    "Give it to me!" She yelled.

    "I'm so ******* wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella. Saw this earlier and can't stop laughing
    Env06 Env06 22-25, F 3 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    I have this weird thing I do with my father

    and it starting off high 5ing each other web we said something funny or were being smart *****, and now it's like distant elbow high five so its from a distant and they don't have to touch and it's with your elbow, weird I know. but hilarious
    emzeymoore emzeymoore 16-17, F 1 day ago

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    "If I fart in my wallet,

    I'll have gas money." - my dad
    AgentSickler AgentSickler 18-21, M 11 Responses Aug 7

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    Two Mischievous Brothers (joke)

    Found this on Stumbleupon... thought it was cute. Two Mischievous Brothers Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Nov 3, 2011

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    Sometimes I wish I was double jointed

    so I could literally kick my own ***. Though having two joints sounds good too.
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    I hate living in France,

    I hate my step dad and I spend my life playing xbox..:'(
    StevoDLH StevoDLH 13-15, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I have a new diet idea.

    Start carrying a midget around, strapped to your back. After a week, throw it off a bridge. Whoo! I just lost 80 pounds!
    Handyman25 Handyman25 22-25, M 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    A women and child was sitting across from me on

    the bus. The mother was ignoring the kid and texting, the child was jumping about and misbehaving. The kid then came over and shouted "Are you my daddy?" the mother looked up, I stared her in the eye and said "Probably"
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses Apr 14

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    The next time you see someone wearing

    camouflage, run into them so they know that it is working.
    SgtsLittleGirl SgtsLittleGirl 22-25, F 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    thelonerinyourbed thelonerinyourbed 70+, T 4 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    What if you started making car alarm noises

    when people you didn’t like touched you.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 14 Responses Jul 7

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    Ya... I always laugh

    when people die in movies
    helloworldsecretunicorn helloworldsecretunicorn 13-15 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    You shouldn't play poker in the jungle ,

    because theres too many "CHEATahs" ooo gosh thats a good one. ( and yes i misspelled it on purpose)
    TeddyOrTeddie TeddyOrTeddie 13-15, M 2 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    xxsamelovexx xxsamelovexx 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    "My teacher pointed me with her ruler

    and said, "at the end of this ruler there is an idiot!" I got detention after asking which one." Happy Teacher Appreciation week educators!
    iEPeace iEPeace 26-30, F 7 Responses May 6

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    EVERYONE START USING: WTN.

    .. what the nerd????????? Haha
    figdryjbdtikvxthb figdryjbdtikvxthb 41-45, F 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    meokeju meokeju 22-25, F 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    eating salad at mc. donals is also like going

    to poop and coming out just farting!!!
    nishnishnish nishnishnish 26-30, M 12 hrs ago

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    Perfect family!!! lmao 😂 having a good time

    with the bae 😆😂😂 lol jkjk
    adry39 adry39 18-21, F 4 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    When I'm in a classroom

    or meeting and i get bored, I picture the speaker in outrageous outfits and laugh in my head...
    gaeainchaos gaeainchaos 22-25, F 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    A middle aged man pointed out to me

    that he could see my bra strap. "Oh my god! Me, a woman, is wearing a bra! No-one should know about this! Someone call Victoria because her secrets out!"
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F 6 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    loveyourselfalwaysxx loveyourselfalwaysxx 13-15, F 3 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Guy Needs A Push (joke)

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 42 Responses Mar 28, 2012

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    That's How Things Are Done Around Here

    Ever asked yourself why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there?A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the...
    juliana9 juliana9 26-30, F 15 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Rose (from Titanic) be like- I nominate Jack

    for the Ice Bucket Challenge..
    TheKingWizard TheKingWizard 18-21, M 6 Responses a week ago