I Have a Weird Sense of Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 936 People

    You think you're smart

    until you try to turn on someone else's shower
    Geekjunk Geekjunk
    18-21, M
    Dec 23, 2014

    So was I waiting in line

    for to pay for the things I'm buying, I just started whistling a tune for the hell of it. This chick right next to me tells me "stop f*cking whistling" I sarcastically said "Oh My God, you can hear me whistle ?". She said she can, looking confused. Told her it was a dog whistle...
    BeatTheBest BeatTheBest
    18-21, M
    1 Response Jan 8, 2015

    Very weird!! A majority of the time I'm the

    only one who understands it, but whatever (:
    Tessa95 Tessa95
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jan 27

    I’ve just rented a lock opening implement

    from someone singing "Empire state of mind"...it may have been Alicia Keys.
    RicRaver RicRaver
    41-45, M
    Feb 3, 2015

    I get a kick out of saying random things to see

    how other people will react. My favorite one is texting people and telling them to look out their window...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Aug 21, 2015

    My silly Boss! He never mentioned to me

    that David Bowie passed away last month! *Finally gets out of his Bunny costume...* 0_0 o_o 0_0 o_o 0_0
    Sazzio Sazzio
    26-30, M
    Feb 28

    (You may understand the following

    if yer seeing EP ads same as me). Seeing the 3 ads displayed on EP. Now what's it saying: 1. 8 surprising ways to make your first million dollars. 2. Find out how to make £100,000 from home in UK and 3. Leftover iPhone stocks worth £619 selling under £40. What I see it as...
    Sazzio Sazzio
    26-30, M
    Jan 26

    "Anytime a bomb is used to target civilians,

    it is an act of terror." (Bombs Libya, Yemen, Somalia, Pakistan, Iraq, and Afghanistan)
    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew
    18-21
    2 Responses Oct 16, 2014
    XxDrPepsiiiixX XxDrPepsiiiixX
    70+, F
    Feb 20

    I was just reading out a news paper heading to

    my fiancé, it said "Man on sex register for trying to have sex with mailbox found dead". He dryly replied, "Did they return him to sender?" I sat there laughing till I had tears streaming down my face. Okay, so he still has some uses..
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Feb 24, 2015

    Me and some of my friends used to pull

    so many whacky stunts when we were kids. For example, one time me and a buddy dressed up like SPIES, wearing our Dads trench coats, fedora hats and dark sunglasses. Then we walked to the Catalog Order counter in Sears and opened a catalog. We stood there flipping through the...
    aag311 aag311
    41-45, M
    2 Responses Jan 8, 2015

    Dear all 30 tabs open,

    which one of you is playing my music? -Sincerely, FRUSTRATED
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 2, 2015

    Did you know? EP have an extreme strict

    policies in allowing stories to be posted that it would do Hitler proud? Not funny? Ok ok... EP are so strict in their policies that imagine an uptight person in your head... Now imagine a sharp object up there in them... IT'LL DO THEM PROUD! :D Still not funny?? Ok alright...
    Sazzio Sazzio
    26-30, M
    Oct 26, 2015

    It was extremely cold

    when I woke up this morning. But thankfully, I'm feeling a little otter right now.
    RicRaver RicRaver
    41-45, M
    Jan 26, 2015

    I`m an awesome singer.

    .. When no one is listening.
    esmer2496 esmer2496
    18-21, F
    Apr 21, 2015

    Girl pockets: can fit a piece of lint.

    If you're lucky, two piece of lint. Boy's pockets: Can fit car keys, a notepad, a calculator, the neighbors dog, an apartment complex, the entire state of Hawaii, and half of Jupiter
    Geekjunk Geekjunk
    18-21, M
    2 Responses Dec 22, 2014
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Dec 12, 2014

    The Big Bug: A Geek Tragedy

    WARNING : This is meant to be EXTREMELY(!) second-degree erotica, just for fun. I ask that my EP friends, if I have any left after this(!), read this at their own risk and perils.... ;) ___________________________ "Insert your stick, now! Do it, godammit!" Michael obeyed...
    waterlooSunset waterlooSunset
    36-40, M
    2 Responses Jun 22, 2012

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?

    v=t0MxRb4ILlQ Mållgan!
    londonlover94 londonlover94
    18-21, F
    Jan 22, 2015

    There is something about the clitoris

    but I just can't put my finger on it.......
    Onewithone Onewithone
    46-50, M
    1 Response Jul 9, 2015
    Zack607 Zack607
    22-25, M
    2 Responses Aug 4, 2014

    Hide and Seek champion

    for 10 years~
    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew
    18-21
    2 Responses Oct 15, 2014

    Met Sam Smith today. Here's our convo: "Sam.

    That is meant to go in a hole." "Oh? But what if I was to turn it around?" "You can try but I can tell by looking at it that hole is big. And what you're holding in your hand's far too small." "Hmm, looks like I need to get a bigger one." "You mean a fixed, right?" "No, a...
    Sazzio Sazzio
    26-30, M
    Sep 25, 2015

    i laughed at a person on tv getting stabbed

    and killed and i thouht it was soo funny
    NeonKitten2 NeonKitten2
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 1, 2015

    okay... the CIA was auditioning 3 people 2

    males 1 female well the leader asked the first person to shoot is wife (he didn't do it ) so they asked the second person tho shot his wife (he didn't do it) so they asked the female to shoot her husband well she comes out 5 minutes later and says "did u guys know the rounds...
    iwantusobad iwantusobad
    18-21, M
    Apr 27, 2015

    Read the following without laughing/ smiling.

    Mr Vangti-Noodles was the best known barber in Town. However, be sure to tip him or he has an interesting hair style for hair/bald designs. He calls it "Courgette in the middle with two tomatoes at the bottom on either sides..." Mrs Hoor-mth (Hoor pronounced as in "Ooh" aah...
    Sazzio Sazzio
    26-30, M
    Apr 12
    pipess pipess
    13-15
    Jul 10, 2015

    How does Mosses make his tea?

    HEBREWS it! :o Lmao
    simplistics18 simplistics18
    18-21, F
    Feb 21, 2014
    Zack607 Zack607
    22-25, M
    1 Response Sep 25, 2014
    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew
    18-21
    2 Responses Dec 7, 2014

    Watching the Nature channel.

    The Sun is always the most awesome amazing mystic that I know of. I could stare at it all night long.
    aag311 aag311
    41-45, M
    Jan 23, 2015

    You're good at this rap thing.

    Like wrap it up and go to school.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Feb 19, 2015

    "I'm considering signing an executive order

    requiring my people to bow to me also" 😆
    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew
    18-21
    1 Response Oct 15, 2014

    There are approximately 1,

    013,913 words in the English language but I could never string any of them together to explain how much I want to hit you with a chair
    Geekjunk Geekjunk
    18-21, M
    Dec 23, 2014

    "It's true, alcohol kills people-

    but how many are born because of it?"
    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew
    18-21
    1 Response Oct 16, 2014

    If you swallow a glass eye,

    do you end up with a navel observatory?
    ColdMountain ColdMountain
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 5, 2014

    One more month! Looks like I'll be putting

    those smile on faces in these saddened times. So let's be - wait! What you mean you're not saddened?? Am not on about my life expectancy! Am on about 21st April 2016. Okay. A poem will do. Oh EP the greatest thee, I shall remember how doth be pretty, Guiding blindness...
    Sazzio Sazzio
    26-30, M
    Mar 23

    "But mom what if i get kidnapped?

    " "Trust me, they`d bring you back." Lol xD
    esmer2496 esmer2496
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 27, 2015

    "Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to

    spray whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to..."
    esmer2496 esmer2496
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 27, 2015

    Well I can defo think of one good sense of

    humour for a psychiatrist. If two people report phobias, one fear of long words and the other fear of 666 he/ she should bring them together and show them each other's reports...
    Sazzio Sazzio
    26-30, M
    Apr 17
    Zack607 Zack607
    22-25, M
    Aug 18, 2014

    When my irritated mother used to ask me

    something and, no matter how I answer, I knew am in for it... The adverts on my phone remind me of the same thing. No matter which way you answer it, yay or nay, you know there's gonna be one response and one response only... usually which makes you SMH, and close your eyes...
    Sazzio Sazzio
    26-30, M
    Jan 30

    This is how thanksgiving will should be,

    and with Whiskey not Wine.
    Zack607 Zack607
    22-25, M
    1 Response Sep 22, 2014

    Why can't Helen Keller drive?

    Because she's dead
    XavierSenpai XavierSenpai
    16-17, M
    1 Response Dec 9, 2015

    I literally find almost nothing funny.

    It has to be one of those rare moments in a video or a movie where it's so stupid it makes me laugh like a hyena with a broken squeak toy. I never got that part of me tbh.
    ApatheticSpark ApatheticSpark
    16-17, F
    Jul 9, 2015

    I'm at that point in a semester where

    if a car hit me, I'd probably say thank you to the kind drive
    Geekjunk Geekjunk
    18-21, M
    Dec 23, 2014

    Men at 25 play football.

    Men at 40 play tennis Men at 60 play golf Have you noticed that as you get older you balls get smaller?
    Geekjunk Geekjunk
    18-21, M
    1 Response Dec 22, 2014
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