3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".
The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St...
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards,
the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell
you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's
wrong with my baby, Doctor?...What's wrong...
1. "Please take the following Manliness Assessment:"
1) In the company of females, intercourse should be
referred to as:
c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2) You should make love to a woman for the first time
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."
Think you can get screwed? Watch this......And sorry, probably not want you think it would be....
1. *The Trip*
Saturday morning a man got up early, put on his long johns, dressed quietly, made lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the...
Women and Children First
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Protestant Minister are on a cruise. Suddenly the boat begins to sink. The Protestant Minister yells, "Abandon ship! Women and children first!" The Rabbi says, "Screw the children." The Priest then replys...
1.) "Porch Gossip"
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,
doing nothing. One lady turns and asks,
"Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh, sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it...
Jack and Jill had to go up the hill and they decided to take a horse so it would go much faster. The trip went just fine until the very end. Jill got off the horse just fine but Jack got stuck. Will you help Jack off the horse?
Laying Off Sarah or Jack
Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't...
1.) "Arkansas Bar"
A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white
wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up,
expecting to see some pitiful Yankee queer.
The bartender looks up and says, "You ain't from
around here, are ya...
Three nuns were sitting on a bench discussing the new priest.
"I don't like that new priest," the first nun told the others, "So I cut holes in all of his **** magazines."
"I don't like him either," the second nun agreed, "So I cut hole in all...
1. "Eligible Oldsters"
Two dapper old men sit on the porch of the retirement
home every single afternoon. Two marriage-minded
old ladies who move to the home set their sights on
these most eligible of bachelors.
The first day, they dress up in...
Three men answered and ad for CIA agents. The ad stated
the men were to bring their wives.
The first man was called in for the interview. The Agent
in charge handed him a gun, then said, "We must have
absolute loyalty in this service. ...