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I Have Bdd

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 383 People

    Reflective Surfaces Have Wrecked My Life...

    I have been suffering from BDD since 2004. Now I only contemplate suicide when the thoughts of how ugly I feel revisit me - and they are revisiting at a rate of at least 4 - 5 times an hour. That means I am visited by these thoughts almost every 10 minutes. My whole waking life...
    kerinstine kerinstine 26-30, M 3 Responses Nov 15, 2013

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    I've always been a quiet not

    so secure person since my earliest memories I first discovered my body dysmorphic disorder in 9th grade (3 years ago) I just couldn't go to school my body was telling me no but I didn't know why yet after a few weeks of being house bound I saw true life: I hate my face on MTV...
    highheelsandtattoos highheelsandtattoos 16-17, F Feb 19

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    My issues with my body are my deepest

    and most painful secret. I have struggled with this for most of my adult life. I am fortunate to have gotten myself to a place where I want to share what I go through with the people closest to me, yet I feel an incredible amount of fear and shame over it. I feel as if no one...
    ohjoyousone ohjoyousone 26-30, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Don't Wait So Long

    Although I've always known what BDD was, and have always been painfully aware of my own symptoms, I've never actually put the two together and realized that I have BDD until right now.  I remember crying in nursery school because people were looking at me.  And it wasn't...
    njbean njbean 31-35 9 Responses Aug 16, 2009

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    Hi, I would like to talk to others about their

    experiences of BDD. I have been told for years by numerous people that they think I have it. I do go through phases of obsessing over certain body parts i.e., nose, ears, whether one thigh is bigger than the other. Recently I am starting to feel like my body is twisting. It...
    newbiealibi newbiealibi 41-45, F May 6

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    I am 21 years old and suffer with BDD.

    It has become worse over the past year. I just can't look into the mirror anymore without being disgusted. Its as if a deformed creature is looking back at me. I feel manly and less of a woman. I get complimented almost every time I go out and told I'm beautiful by strangers all...
    malissamalu malissamalu 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 5

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    Hi, my name is Karen.

    I have never told anyone my experiences. I have always held my emotions inside of me but now I think it is time that I tell my story. I am 16. I am a junior in high school. I have had BDD since I was a freshman. I have never been the prettiest of girls. I was always...
    healtyfood2020 healtyfood2020 16-17, F Apr 30

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    Diagnosed 2 years ago

    and suffering from much earlier on, this illness has destroyed my life in so many ways. It is getting harder and harder to fight though.
    StartingOverAgain20 StartingOverAgain20 18-21, F Dec 22, 2013

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    I discovered earlier today

    that I have bdd, specifically muscle dysmorphia. I had always assumed it was natural to never be happy with your body. To always be chasing something out of your reach. I figured it was part of being human. Y'know, that there's always a bigger fish in the sea, so even though you...
    Strass Strass 18-21, M Mar 6

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    BDD is horrible, I have had it the majority of

    my life and i just do not understand why I have it. I am 33, married( to a very pretty woman and 3 beautiful kids). I am now on citalophram 20mg. The meds seem to help a little, but how they help just isnt enough for me. The meds just helps me not to think about the ugliness I...
    bddsufferer33 bddsufferer33 31-35 2 Responses Jan 23

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    I Hate Having Bdd

    Well, I have suffered from BDD for about 15 years, and it's taken a serious toll on the quality of my life!  The major flaw that I'm concerned with is my skin.  I was very out-going when I was a teenager, and only had what would be considered "normal" acne for...
    sdnova sdnova 31-35, M 7 Responses Dec 7, 2009

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    I Have Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

    I've had bdd for a few years now, but I didn't know until about a year ago. This year has been the hardest of my life, and also the scariest. I've never felt so alone, anxious and disgusting. I haven't been diagnosed, but I just know. I looked it up late one night after I had...
    deleted deleted 26-30 13 Responses Mar 7, 2012

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    I Don't Believe That I'm Beautiful Even Though I've Been Told That I Am.

    When people tell me that I'm attractive, I always assume that they are lying. It's just how my mind works. Most of the time, I hate hearing people compliment my appearance because of this. I would rather have people be honest with me rather than tip-toeing around the truth or...
    slightlynerdy slightlynerdy 22-25, F 22 Responses Feb 13, 2012

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    Is My Face Really Crooked Or Is It BDD??

    I hate my face. My jaw is crooked, my eye is higher on one side, and nobody seems to notice but me. OR they're being really nice and don't want to tell me what a monster I really look like. I think about it every second of the day. I always make sure that people see my "good...
    PattiMcG17 PattiMcG17 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 12, 2013

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    My First Story..

    Not quite sure how to start something like this off, first time talking about this..ever...let alone being 17.Growing up I was always considered the fat kid, and i had very little friends. All i can remember is seeing something so ugly in the mirror, especially when i took off...
    Mirror449 Mirror449 16-17, M 3 Responses Jul 7, 2011

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    Bdd Prison

    I've suffered with bdd since I was 13 I'm now 26 and I'm starting to get real real nervous that I will die with this illness. I always thought it was just a stage or a slump,and I'd kind of wait as if the world will just restore balance and I'd be back to my happy go lucky...
    Prettypleasexo Prettypleasexo 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 12, 2010

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    Help .

    Im 13 years old and i have BDD. Most days are better than other but today is just a really bad day. It picture day and everything as fine until i started getting dressed. I picked out the outfit last night, and i put it on this morning and i didnt like it. So like always i tryed...
    legohouseedsheeran legohouseedsheeran 13-15 1 Response Sep 13, 2012

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    What People Say:

    Parents: "you are beautiful don't let anyone change you, remember the beauty is not what its outside is what it is inside of you." What I think: 'thanks mom and dad for telling me in a nice way that I'm ugly' Friends: " you are pretty, what's your problem" What I think...
    marylight098 marylight098 13-15, F Jun 18, 2013

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    I know people tell me

    that there's something wrong with me, that my appearance is fine, but I can't argue with what I see in the mirror, I don't see how people don't see what I see because it's right there! Maybe it's just different definitions of 'fat' or 'big' but even so the fact is I'm not happy...
    EvaSFenty EvaSFenty 18-21, F 2 days ago

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    Does anyone else ever wonder how someone can

    look at one of their flaws and not think any worse of themselves for it? Because I do. A lot. And I don't get it. Here I am obsessing over the amount of fat on my stomach, going through fits of depression, anger, fear, and self-consciousness, but at the same time, there are...
    Strass Strass 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 6

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    I Think I Have Bdd But I am Not Sure

       I have a bitter story to tell. It haunts me day and night. It controls me. It manipulates me. It has beaten me into submission. I suspect I have BDD, but I am not totally convinced. My story will explain my suspicion.      I am unlike almost...
    RNPAIN RNPAIN 66-70, M 13 Responses Apr 13, 2010

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    I Have Bdd

    Everyone thinks I'm beautiful. From my past boyfriends, my husband now, my parents, friends, even photographers, modelling agencies, and even random strangers. There are moments when i do see what they see, but a lot of the time I just don't. When i look in the mirror, the...
    annenna annenna 26-30, F 4 Responses Apr 26, 2010

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    I Likely Have Bdd.

    My friends often tell me that I am too self-conscious of my appearance, and I would in return, deny it. I don't want to be regarded as self-conscious and with low self-esteem/low confidence, but I suffer from obsessing about my facial and body features. And the ironic thing is, I...
    kloygyn kloygyn 18-21 2 Responses May 26, 2011

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    I Will Never Never Never Never Look In A Mirror

    never ever. i will never look at anything that will reflect my face. makes me sick. if i have to check my hair or something i will hold my hand in front of the main part of my face. this preoccupation dominates my every waking moment, except for when i am really busy. And even...
    LilyRosemary LilyRosemary 51-55, F 3 Responses Oct 7, 2013

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    I Think I Am Suffering From Bdd

    I am pretty young, 17, and I just came across a video on youtube about BDD. I realized that i acted just as those with it also: constantly checking the mirror, spending hours on my appearance to not be satisfied in the end, comparing myself with others, and constantly wondering...
    smw321 smw321 16-17, F Jul 25, 2012

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    This Stupid Disorder Leaves Me Feeling Guilty And Ashamed.

    THis stupid disorder continues to ruin my days.  Im feeling so ashamed.  The insecurity it makes me feel and reassurance seeking is taking its toll on my relationship with my amazing boyfriend.  I cant believe the reassurances he gives me and asking for them is wearing him...
    bluegreenteal bluegreenteal 36-40 3 Responses Jan 7, 2011

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    Hi everyone. After putting up with the horrible

    stress, anxiety, and fixation for 8 years, and doing lots of research, I have come to learn that I have BDD. I don't exactly remember when or how it started, I just remember having a horrible childhood with a father who never cared about me or told me that I was pretty. I was a...
    Sweetiebabygirl Sweetiebabygirl 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 24, 2013

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    Too Ugly For Bdd

    There is very little i am content with about my body so it's difficult to say what i am most discontented with. It's the disproportion of one part of me in relation to another that bothers me the most. The configuration of  me. I will try to explain. -my head/skull? is...
    welham88 welham88 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 28, 2010

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    Cameras Vs. Mirrors

    I have anorexia and BDD. I was wondering if anyone else experiences the following phenomenon: When I have bad body image, and I look in the mirror, I see fat. But when I have a bad body image day and I see a picture or a video of myself, I am surprised by how thin I look, I can...
    Isafae Isafae 18-21, F Oct 16, 2013

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    I Hate It

    I get so upset after eating a big meal because I automatically think that I've gained 5lbs since ingesting my food. I know that's just crazy, but that's how my mind works. I always have to weigh myself when I wake up in the morning to see if I've gained any weight, and if I've...
    Illyria02 Illyria02 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 16, 2012

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    A couple of nights ago,

    I woke up from a deep sleep and had a weird epiphany about myself. I've always really enjoyed taking and being in pictures, but as of late, I've really pushed the importance of this on my husband, family, and friends when we're at social gatherings or just hanging around...
    ohjoyousone ohjoyousone 26-30, F 4 days ago

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    Hope

    I'm eighteen years old and I suffer/suffered from body dysmorphia. It came about only six months ago, after I had been dating a model. I felt like because he was defined by beauty,that I had to be too. I've always had a big nose, but I started wearing make-up (I'm a male btw) to...
    leighsheridan leighsheridan 18-21, M 1 Response Jul 28, 2013

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    I'm Ruining My Life And My Relationship, And I Think It's BDD

    I haven’t been diagnosed with BDD, but after writing down all my problems it seems so obvious to me now. I have Asperger's Syndrome and my diagnosis 2 years ago changed my life. I thought that after that I could fix myself, but I'm pretty sure now that I have an entirely...
    atlantis13 atlantis13 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 27, 2013

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    Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

    This condition is a curse. It is, from what i have heard and read one of worst conditions someone can have. I always wondered why i always felt so weird and when i looked at myself in the mirror things only got stranger in terms of looks. Alright i was young and my body was, and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Dec 22, 2012

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    kdavis20 kdavis20 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 30, 2010

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    why is it that some girls get everything.

    nice boobs, butt, beautiful face. nice life. and others get nothing.
    horridlife horridlife 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    saddeena saddeena 41-45, F Jan 20

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    I Have Body Dysmorphic Disorder

    Im 18, english and i have bdd. Ive always hated my appearence, from what i remember, but when i was about 14 i remember watching a sitcom. this will sound so stupid, but it was a comedy program, and it happened to have this ugly fat person who thinks shes god shes gift to men...
    Scrowlie Scrowlie 18-21, F 7 Responses Jul 7, 2008

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    5 Years Later And Still Struggling With BDD

    Hi, This is not the first time I have wrote on experience project about my problem with body dysmorphic disorder. It started when I was 15 which I believe was triggered by some bullies at school. I dont think I have ever been satisfied with my looks, but some days are better...
    Emma93 Emma93 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 30, 2013

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    I have been diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic

    Disorder for over 3 years now and it sucks. I can feel myself slowly improving, but I always have ups and downs which need fixing. It's awful having no idea what people see when they look at me, it makes me feel like I don't know who I am. It makes me feel like I'm in a body I...
    meganbxiley meganbxiley 16-17, F Jul 16

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    Bdd Is Ruining My Life.

    I feel as if my mental condition has always been a little shaky. As a kid I suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but as I grew older managed to just grow out of it. I entered high school and all was well. Summer before senior year I entered the party scene and began...
    Hooplawk3 Hooplawk3 18-21, M 4 Responses Oct 12, 2011

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    It Cost Me My Job

    Recently, I resigned my job a psychiatric nurse because I felt like a charlatan. The truth was, even though I could put up the pretense of being professional and emotionally stable, beneath the façade I wanted to tell my patients that I was just as lost as them. I put in my...
    LittleAshes LittleAshes 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 5, 2013

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    BDD Has Destroyed My Life

    Hello everyone. Let me start off by saying that it is very comforting to have found this site and to know that there are many other people "out there" who suffer as frequently and deeply as I do with this Body Dysmorphic Disorder monster. Let me also say that for me to come here...
    nakedandlaughing nakedandlaughing 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 6, 2013

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    I hate my body. I don't

    even know if I really have body dysmorphic disorder or if I am genuinely just ugly. I obsess over different small parts to keep me from breaking down of the whole picture. I feel so, so, so ugly. Undeservant of all and any compliments, I can barely stand it. I look in mirrors...
    illucius illucius 18-21, F 2 Responses May 29

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    Bdd No Hope For Me Anyway

    ever since i was around the age of 11 the world as i knew it changed, iam now 38 and male, up until then the mirror was just something on the wall that i walked passed with maybe the odd glimpse, but as is the norm in high school people would joke about your appearance could be...
    mickky73 mickky73 36-40, M 3 Responses May 16, 2012

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    Don't you just hate it

    when nobody understands you... I tell my mom about my problem and tell her to take me to a physiologist and she just ignores it, knowing that the reason why I'm failing in school is because of that...she really thinks that i can control my mind. I feel so freaking alone right...
    marylight098 marylight098 13-15, F 3 Responses Feb 25

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    If Only.

    I have BDD. Body dysmorphic disorder. There has always been something wrong with my face. There was a time when I'd be able to sit in front of a mirror for hours on end and make note of every imperfection I could find. My nose was too big. My eyes were too small. I'd look at...
    Thierry Thierry 16-18, F 4 Responses Nov 11, 2007

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    Deformity?

    Having done some reading on BDD, I am convinced that I probably have it and I've actually taken comfort in reading some of the online articles because it's helped me to realise that I am not alone with this. My BDD namely centres on my nose. All the way through secondary school...
    thumbelina76 thumbelina76 36-40, F Aug 13, 2013

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    How To Know You Don't Have Bdd And You Truly Are Ugly !

    This isn't a story but more so an analyzation I had a few minutes ago. I don't have BDD I am just ugly. Ugly, being physically unattractive to the majority the world. How do I know I'm ugly...? I went to a club one day. Three out of 1,000 ugly things about me: my skin, hair and...
    BeautifullyFugly BeautifullyFugly 18-21, F Oct 1, 2013

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    There's A Monster In The Mirror..

    I call body dysmorphia a monster. My monster. Its like this big dark cloud hanging over me when others have the sunshine.First, in the early days, its at the back of your mind. Then as time goes on, it creeps closer and closer until its right behind you. It digs deeper and more...
    rachlove23 rachlove23 22-25, F 1 Response May 10, 2012

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    21 Years...

    I have been dealing with BDD for the past 21 years. It all started when I was 10. I would compare myself to other girls at school, and I didn't think I looked like them. Somehow I was different. It also doesn't help that I have a younger sister who is very pretty and very...
    Jennifer136 Jennifer136 31-35, F 3 Responses May 9, 2011

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    I hate BDD. I hate it.

    I can never even look at myself without crying at what I see. I have to look down every time I wash my hands in the bathroom so I won't have to see myself in the mirror. Everyone thinks I'm vain but I'm not. Vain people love themselves. I don't. It's awful.
    saddeena saddeena 41-45, F 2 Responses Jan 10

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    Stuck In The House From Bdd

    Hi, this is the 1st time I have ever shared my story. My bdd started I believe around the age of 12.I started worrying constantly about my looks. I also started wearing alot of makeup around the same time. My bdd has had ups and downs at times in my life I seemed pretty "normal...
    sugarcookie76 sugarcookie76 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 11, 2012

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