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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,625 People

    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    is anyone taking medication?

    I have an incredibly supportive boyfriend of one year, however there are certain days he can only tolerate so much of my rage episodes. I've been taking Lexapro for 3 weeks, no real change yet. my Dr also suggested a mood stabilizer. Has anyone tried one? The writing and all...
    pinkballoon42 pinkballoon42 26-30, F 1 day ago

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    I'm hanging on thread

    that I want to cut so much. But I can't because even though I know I'm of no real value to my children if I slit my wrist and let all the pain drain out, I would scar my children forever.
    theresnotone theresnotone 31-35, F 2 Responses Jul 23

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Everything I see I cry.

    Everything on TV. Doesn't matter if it's happy, sad, fact, or fiction. I cry. Not huge sobs...just a continuous flow of tears. I'm beyond emotional. Does anyone else get like this? When no matter what's going on, there always seems to be a reason for tears? And the more you...
    denvyl denvyl 31-35, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self...
    ReachingNirvana ReachingNirvana 22-25, M 5 Responses Jun 2, 2014

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 26-30 6 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    The wait for a reply from

    that one person you cherish is quite torturous. I feel like I want to shoot myself in this period, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Someone here must understand right?
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    For over ten years now I've struggled with

    mental issues and traumatic events, at the age of 9 I found out my mother had cervical cancer and within less then a year she lost her battle, I vaguely remember watching her die, being in pain and eventually barely awake, after she died, the problems started, I was bullied at...
    lovablebutbroken lovablebutbroken 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I am an older sufferer,

    I was first diagnosed in the early 90s. Does anyone else have experience of being"in the system" long term?
    definatelynot definatelynot 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 19

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    It feels like this is pretty much the only

    group I post anymore, I just feel like everything I go through can be understood by the people here. Anyway, I had another ER visit, and now I'm in the hospital. I've been admitted to a unit and I'm on a Form 1 (for those of you outside of Canada, that means I'm an involuntary...
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, T Jul 14

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Okay so short and simple.

    I usually have no problem ending a relationship most of the time I caused chaos and then turn around on them so they feel like it's their fault or I leave them leave them before they leave me. This guy that I actually felt like I could love until I cheated on him multiple times...
    xoxoFireyIcexoxo xoxoFireyIcexoxo 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    Has anyone ever tried DBT?

    can someone explain this to me or give me some tips?
    Kikiana1 Kikiana1 18-21, F Jul 17

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    I don't have BPD. However,

    a good friend of mine does. She was clinically diagnosed about six months ago. The other day, she raged at me and said some extremely hurtful things. The next day, she was back to normal. I care about her very much and I don't fault her for this - I have my own issues...
    saer2000 saer2000 36-40, M 4 Responses Jul 9

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is

    being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have love addiction,you chase men like a drug,you fall for the ones who you know can't love you,yet you trade sex for a connect.And break down when it...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses May 8

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    I'm in nursing school

    and supposed to graduate in December. But I'm scared bc I'm so emotional. I'm afraid I'll have a full on breakdown or be stuck in a black hole and not recognize something wrong with a patient. Even though I feel I'm competent as far as skills, sometimes I have really bad days...
    theresnotone theresnotone 31-35, F 2 Responses Jul 23

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    I hate this ******* disorder!

    I hate getting attached to people, I hate feeling lonely and unwanted, I hate being so needy. I just want someone to look after me but my social anxiety is so bad and I get so irritated with people that I feel like I'll never even make friends.
    princesabecca princesabecca 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 16

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 9

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    needing to vent not that anything will helpim

    in a dark painful plac ei feel likei dont want o go on im doing destructive not drinking or anything i feel so disconnected and jusdt dont feel well veen going out but just dont feel like doing anything nothing seems to help i hatew depression i hate being alone life is just...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 12

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 25 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Yeah. Very clearly so.

    For as long as I can remember. Which is really only as far back as 13 and bits and pieces beforehand. I was under 18 when they wanted to officially diagnose me but couldnt because of my age. So now I need to go back. I don't know. I used to be medicated. Which helped some but...
    Faett Faett 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 13

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    So the appointment I had on Monday got cancelled

    because of something to do with my insurance. This is the second time I've made an appointment and it has been cancelled on me. There's only one person in my area who specializes in BPD and she is fully booked. I've made so many phone calls to find help and its not working. I've...
    Kikiana1 Kikiana1 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 23

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    I'm going to my first appt.

    on Monday. It wouldn't be my first appt with a therapist/counselor ever. I've been a few times before but nothing worked. I'm hoping maybe I just haven't found the right person and I need to keep searching. I said some really hurtful things to my boyfriend last night and I feel...
    Kikiana1 Kikiana1 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    People just don't understand borderlines,

    it's really irritating. If you're against how we want to feel of course we'll get angry. It's as simple as that.
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    I get attached to people on here

    and then they disappear and I feel upset and lonely again. I just want someone to look after me :(
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 14

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    So lately everyday has been a struggle.

    Everyday with some kind of episode and I can't snap out of it for long before I plunge back into it. My boyfriend is more than understanding and tells me how much he loves me how beautiful I am and let's me full blown lash out at him then say sorry... Now I'm in a depressed hate...
    xoxoFireyIcexoxo xoxoFireyIcexoxo 26-30, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    And it's awful. There are constantly shifting

    identities it's like being in a constant love/hate triangle with three cartoonishly exaggerated versions of myself. I say horrible things that I may or may not mean, I hurt people I care about, I feel everything and nothing all at once, I'm prone to emotional outbursts, and my...
    PersonalApocalypse PersonalApocalypse 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 11

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 11 Responses Apr 23

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I have bpd sometimes it's hard to get my

    feelings out about how I am feeling icyt myself to feel ssomething because I have no feelings. I don't know much about bpd so I was just wondering how do u cope with bpd it's so hard some days are my dark day and others are my amazing days so far these past weeks have been...
    bichick19 bichick19 18-21, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 143 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10

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