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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,441 People

    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 141 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Ii was diagnosed with BPD a

    while ago.. And i just figured out what it's all about just a few weeks ago.. And it's crazy how i see myself in whatever article i read about it .. So anyway.. I was wondering if anyone one of you was interested in talking about it with me. :)
    xxooxx1986 xxooxx1986 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 14

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    So I had these constant heart aches

    since the morning,and I was looking for cause and cues,and any time when I was actually happy,perfectly happy,and what did I do wrong since then. Then I realize ,I never was.Not that my life has been miserable,I had a good childhood,it is just that I never learned to be not...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 4 Responses Feb 24

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    It's like living in constant fear of--not IF--

    but WHEN the person you love will leave you. It's terrible.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 24

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    Why do I find the worst people in the world

    and get close to them? My "best friend" beat me up and choked me just cause she was under the influence of alcohol...and I'm not aggressive to other people, I am only aggressive to myself. My "best friend" told me to get out of her car and I did. And I called to get picked...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 15

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    i need to vent feeling down ive been feeling

    severly depressed i talked to my a hole brother tonite he startewd councelling wanting to take his anger out on me saying the family cant handle4 me causer its all the same i vnever want to see that persob in my life anymor ehes a creep cant look at hoim self i wanted to end my...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 21

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    I have just recently found out

    that I am pregnant. Yes, I am excited. But, I'm also terrified because of the havoc pregnancy is already wreaking on my fragile emotional state. As a woman diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I am prone to extremely volatile emotions as well as intense fears of...
    whiskeyprincess37 whiskeyprincess37 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    i dont care i need to vent i could never say

    how im feeling to my sick family abused neglected im so angry insid enobody lets me express myself i dont think i treally like my family i believe they tell lies about me secrets my brother is a sick fricken abusiver bully i dont understand my pain will not going out i think...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Feb 22

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    When I'm in a relationship I feel like the guy

    has a moral obligation to stay with me. My ex left me and it caused me to be suicidal. He broke my heart with no remorse. There was no way for me to change his mind. And then he comes crawling back after I try and move on and haven't spoken to him in at least a months time. As...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 11

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    I haven't posted in a while

    because I've been dealing with a lot of emotions and depression. My students are what makes me smile each day when I'm feeling so horribly down. Especially at work, the fear that no one likes me or wants to be around me is ever present in my mind. I try to ignore but it gnaws at...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    I stole my boyfriend from someone else

    and now I am unable to trust him. We've known each other for a long time. I always knew he liked me but I friend-zoned him. After all, he was involved with the girl who would eventually become his ex-wife and mother of his now 6 year old son. I remember how he treated me back...
    elocinitis elocinitis 26-30, F 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    If you are never sure

    when you are euphoric,you are actually happy,or when you are devastated you are actually devastated.Or that people in your life mean that much to you,or whether you hate them that much.If you don't know what you believe in for sure,or what you unabashedly don't,because within a...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 22

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    Today was quite a roller coaster.

    Fast mood swings from extreme happiness to the lowest of lows all day. I'm beginning to wonder if Wellbutrin stopped working. It really takes every thing out of me and things have been getting worse lately.
    keekzie keekzie 22-25, T 1 Response 4 days ago

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    It's extremely difficult to decide what I want

    to do as a career because I don't have much of a sense of self.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F Feb 23

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    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M Feb 18

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    i need to vent im feeling angry

    and dark i feel like im not as good everyday is woth i feel like its harder to get through the day ialso feel like i need to vent or flip out im so depressed i dont know whatto fricken do i feel l8ke i dont have a parent i dont like to go out side i went to the denturist...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 17

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    I've never felt like I shouldn't be somewhere

    this bad in my life. Unwelcoming. Outcast. Hated? Waste of space definitely.
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 19

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    You know some days Borderline is not

    so bad.Today I am ridiculously ,I am not sure why , happy,and I feel like I am a character from The Sound of Music.The sun is beautiful,the birds are chirping,I can't help not shine out,short of twirling in a meadow ,I feel like I am in a musical. The other days I feel like the...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Feb 14

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    Could someone please help me.

    I'm in need of help.. I feel that I may have borderline personality disorder / bipolar disorder but talking with someone that suffers with one of these may be able to help me..
    dte21 dte21 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 19

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    They say if you die suddenly,

    your life flashes before your eyes. I have been slowly dying for close to fifteen years, all I have seen are other people's lives.
    rorenchan rorenchan 18-21, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I was recently diagnosed with BPD

    and I'm struggling to come to terms with it.. By that I mean, it hasn't quite sunk in yet. What do I do? What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to feel..
    dte21 dte21 18-21, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder

    with Borderline Traits. Professionals are reluctant to give a full BPD diagnosis because I'm not a cutter and had been able to hold down a job for many years. I am now in my late 4o's. I have suffered with many of the symptoms for most of my life. I have also out grown a few...
    RayneBeauHill RayneBeauHill 46-50, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Things are perfect on paper.

    I got enough to be working,doing a bit that I want to,and being able to plan for the future,maybe a masters.I have friends who love me,and people who validate me ,and all those who broke me are away from me.Why can't I just be happy. I have exes who call me,and things I do to...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Feb 20

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    Let's put it in a poem.

    Emptiness and Longing for someone gone anyone? Two open papers, To stem down a heartache ebbing, Deeper than my skin,my heart, my soul, Like a blackhole emptying through me, Asking for a sacrifice to end it, I have nothing to give here, No love, last trifles of existence...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 16

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    I've been in therapy

    since last October, and last week my therapist tells me that her contract ends in April. We have not made much progress, having only attempted to gain control of my racing thoughts. She also informed me that I have no "human" emotions and is unsure if I ever will. What am I...
    cgould72 cgould72 41-45, F 3 Responses