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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,334 People

    i feel like i dont want to go on in this world

    anymor eim sick and fricken tired of being fat im sick and tired of beind in pain and feel likeim rotting inside not the proper help everyday is a struggle i dont know what to say all my life i wanted my mom i looked for other mother figures and father figurews i was so...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 4 Responses Nov 17

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    How do you get your therapist to not dislike

    you?????? I already messed up (manipulation, self harm, w/e) how do I fix it? I've only seen her 5 times but I said I didn't want to see her anymore then I embarrassingly begged her to again the next day.
    nevawas nevawas 22-25, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 1

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    i woke up today and i just felt like crying.

    i hadn't even done anything. Just opened my eyes and felt like crying. ive been awake for 6 hrs and ive either been crying or felt like crying the whole time. i feel broken.
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 3 Responses Nov 19

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I can't tell the difference between my bipolar

    abd my bpd. But they're ruining my life and even worse than that they're ruining everyone else's too. I'm such a ****** up person, I can't control myself. I need help. And I'm worried because I've never been more certain that suicide is the answer, I've planned what I'd write in...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 15

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    I know that I need to do something

    because my symptoms keep getting worse and worse, but I don't want a therapist. Even if I did want one, I can find very few near me that specialize in BPD but they don't accept my insurance. I hate finding someone new because you have to repeat the same damn things that you've...
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 15

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    Sometimes I get so angry at stupid little

    things, and I start to feel lightheaded and like I'm about to pass out. Does this ever happen to anyone else?
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 16

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    Why can't I just enjoy everyday like a normal

    person instead of letting the good things ruin my life :(
    isatbytheocean isatbytheocean 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 16

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    Every time I am visiting my parents

    and my other siblings are visiting too I feel like I don't even exist. I know if I said anything to them though they would think I'm being stupid..
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 2 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    So I always mess up. I wrote about my therapist

    disliking me but it's not just her it's everyone who is in my life I will mess up or purposely push a person away or make them dislike me but if I don't do it on purpose it happens anyway. I do the same thing over and over and then get upset about it over and over. I miss the...
    nevawas nevawas 22-25, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    im feeling tired of life

    so much pain came out last nite but im tired and worn out im tired of livng im so depressed that i dont want to do nothing im starting to feel the pain ive gone down hill i feel like a little kid i dont like this person that i am i may go to hopital im feeling very sad i think i...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    It's my first holiday with my family

    that I'm not on any medication, and I'm already so anxious about it.
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 5 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    anybody wanna be email "pen pals"?

    talk about our days and daily struggles and anything great that may have occurred? 5 days a week or everyday if you want. all through email. we won't be responding to each other. we're just talking about our days and learn from each other. prefably female and over the age of 22...
    Friendlee Friendlee 26-30, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    The worst part of BPD is

    that you constantly lose people because of things you say even when your intentions are good. I lost another friend and it's my fault. I've been able to keep 2 consistent friends in my life and my husband of 5 years that I still think is completely crazy because he still loves...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28

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    Sometimes when I'm afraid,

    I just need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. Or when I'm lonely for someone to tell me they'll always be there for me. Or when I'm angry for someone to tell me to be still and breathe because it's not worth it. Sometimes I just need someone to ground me in...
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I was diagnosed not too long ago,

    and the therapist said he didn't feel qualified to see me. Not that it really matters, since I was laid off and lost my insurance. I haven't told my family because they don't understand that I'm bipolar and have social anxiety and PTSD, let alone a fricken personality disorder...
    Saithe Saithe 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    I woke up today and just felt despair.

    Just pure hopelessness. i cant live like this These words i carry with me cannot hope to detail for you the depths of my despair. Even the angels weep at the sight of such a soul so thoroughly broken.
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 138 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 5 Responses Sep 1

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    Im tired, i can't live like this anymore.

    I keep pushing people away. i try to explain what im going through but it only makes it worse. The only person on this earth that makes me feel good just asked me to leave her alone for a while. I don't know what to do. i just need someone to talk to but no one understands me. I...
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 2 Responses Nov 18

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    I'm feeling so useless

    and invalidated at this point. Like all my hard work to stay stable had been for nothing and I'm just the same nobody to all of them that I thought I was when I started all of this. How is it possible to go from feeling confident and powerful to feeling like nothing, knowing...
    psychoticpsy psychoticpsy 16-17, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    sorry i need to vent yesterday i found out tmy

    mom does have lung cancer im probably youn g i went had a few glasses of wine then i was like a kid phoned people its cause im not a drinker i just felt like but i was stupid i called my mom it was an exuse i think i just said shes going to die on me then i told her some thing...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 6 days ago

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7

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    I wish I could stop isolating myself.

    I wish I could have more confidence in myself.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 3 Responses Nov 15

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Primary School: "It's a rebellious phase,

    don't worry" High School: "It's hormones rampaging, don't worry" Rest of life: "Well if you aren't getting any better after 14 years, you probably aren't going to get better" If somebody had told me when I actually started showing symptoms of BPD and PTSD, I might be well...
    rorenchan rorenchan 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 19

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    I can't even go one month with out having a

    complete psychotic meltdown. I'm as good as dead. Whoever can live through this is strong and deserves to be happy.
    NoRegretsAndNoRemorse NoRegretsAndNoRemorse 22-25, F 3 Responses Nov 16

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    So i found some things i wrote on some of my

    "good" days for someone that was feeling like i do today. I feel like it belongs here Though the war we fight is not on a battlefield, we are warriors. Each one of us fights a battle each day, against a world that would seek to break us. Sometimes we fall but we are not beaten...
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I'm at work and I can't wait to go home

    and cuddle my man.. It's all that I'm living for, just to kiss him and be with him is worth suffering for. I'm scared of getting hurt by him again but my deep rooted emotional agony is inevitable, and it's not really his fault. Life feels like eternal hell, but my heaven is in...
    DesiredUsername23 DesiredUsername23 22-25, F 3 days ago

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