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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,397 People

    Does anyone else have urges to

    where they are compelled to do something to "Fix" themselves? Yesterday I felt like I had to cut my hair. I did this once before and that time I cut my hair real short by myself. This time I could stop at bangs. My life has been feeling hectic lately and I have been feeling...
    insanepoet84 insanepoet84 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 5

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    I managed to creep myself out.

    .. A lot. I just looked through some of my old papers and stuff. I must have had borderline personality disorder for a long long time. I kept emails between me and my ex best friend (who was my BFF my whole life until I was about 15). I sound like such a stalker in them. I wrote...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 7

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 Jan 8

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Wrap me up in what I

    once knew. Believe in what I say is true I never needed you to save me I just needed to feel safe with you Give me what I need so I don't need to be so needy
    angiede angiede 26-30, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    My mother got icy cold cause I she wanted a

    scarf I had ,and I could not give it to her then and there.She proceeded to dramatize how she needs nothing from me,and she is capable of handling the world without people like me.Now an hour later ,she is absolutely fine,but is avoiding my existence.I thank all my stars for...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 days ago

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    I'm borderline. and in a relationship with the

    most caring compassionate understanding human being I've ever found... I am incredibly grateful and head over heels in Love. But being borderline, makes everything so much more difficult, communication especially. Because it takes next to nothing to start a war and get me to...
    Minnowshi Minnowshi 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    Would you say there are any mental illnesses

    very similar to borderline? If so, what?
    strawberryletter22 strawberryletter22 18-21, F 6 Responses a week ago

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    That awkward moment when you're at an interview,

    and they ask you how well you handle your emotions..
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F Jan 8

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    Who Am I to come here?

    (Who am I even at all?) I can't press the me too button because I don't know. A doctor didn't tell me, I just guessed and a lot of people have said some things. You're probably all going to be like, "You probably just want it because you're one of those fakers and attention...
    MysticIllusions MysticIllusions 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 11

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    Time to put the fighting face on.

    .. But how can one keep fighting a battle with an unseen enemy?
    rorenchan rorenchan 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 9

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 33 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    styxc styxc 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 8

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    styxc styxc 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 7

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    Literally just had to take two antiemetics

    before this job interview. Well at least I won't puke in the middle of it.
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 8

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    I really want a hug..

    .. I just want a shoulder to cry on, a friend to laugh with, and share everything with, a lover, a support system. But I don't have this cause I pushed that person away. :/
    mysoulachesforyou mysoulachesforyou 31-35, F 3 Responses a week ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 139 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    i'm in a long distance relationship

    which makes it even harder for me to control these thoughts..most of the time i find myself thinking about how he's cheating on me, or how he's suddenly losing his interest in me. And then i cry and lose my head and i try talking to him but i feel like he's not going to...
    DalaKumono DalaKumono 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 17

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Just got diagnosed yesterday.

    Would explain why I have always found life tough and struggle to keep friends. I currently have no friends but thankfully have a very understanding partner who I would be lost without. I'd like to get to know other bpd's around my age and how they juggle life. I hope someone...
    Violaplayer84 Violaplayer84 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 15

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    My dad just came home.

    He seemed mad at me . He asked me why I sounded funny on the phone when we spoke a while ago. I told him it was because I said "hola" in a Spanish voice. But he was like well you better not have that tongue ring in your mouth. And I said I don't because I don't. He thinks im...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 6

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    I hate the days where I am really paranoid.

    . I have already convinced myself that someone has been in my apartment for about 20 hours, they kidnapped my fiancee, and they changed the code on the front door so they can come in whenever they want. It's going to be a long day..
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 5

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    i have so much anger built up in me

    and take it out on all the wrong people. i feel so empty. i really dont know what to do. i want to feel happy again. i want to not get so angry.
    pinkwink1245 pinkwink1245 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 13

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    Feeling beautiful today

    when I haven't for a very long time ❤️
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F Jan 5

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    I have a job interview this afternoon,

    and I am so incredibly nervous.
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 8

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    I love her so much...

    ..she's one of the most important people in my life. But my BPD makes things bad. I feel like punishing myself for loving her. I feel like cutting. I feel like running away somewhere. I want to die everytime we argue.... She's like my oxygen.....
    styxc styxc 18-21, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Completely forgot to take my meds this morning.

    I had a good day but then I started shaking and feeling sick to my stomach. I just took them. It's that ever present reminder that something is wrong with me
    aligain aligain 31-35, F Jan 4

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    This pain..... This hell.

    .... It never ends.... Never fades away.....
    styxc styxc 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    Hi, ive got a question

    for my fellow bpd's. should I tell my boss I have been diagnosed with it? if someone on here has, how did it go and did anything change? I'm currently in two minds what to do about it and need some advice please. Thanks in advance.
    Violaplayer84 Violaplayer84 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 16

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    It's not the anger, the depression,

    the anxiety, the impulsivity that gets to me. It's the support of the one person who believes I'm a decent person that tears me down every time. Why spend so much effort on someone worth so damn little.
    atomicliquor atomicliquor 22-25, M 3 Responses Jan 14

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11, 2014

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    I really don't know why I

    even bother fooling myself into thinking that I'm going to get hired somewhere. It doesn't matter if I'm completely qualified or if I'm even overqualified, I will end up ruining my chances somehow. I am so sick of constantly not being good enough for anything in life.
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 10

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