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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,492 People

    I have BPD. Usually I'm quite depressed

    or apathetic. Occasionally, for no reason, I will wake up feeling great. Energetic, joyful, smart, and insightful. Music has deeper meaning. Them next day I realize I was acting strange and doing things that are out of character for me. Almost like I was drunk. Is this normal...
    caly94 caly94 31-35, F 4 Responses Apr 12

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I hate my anxieties. I hate my self destructive

    persona. I hate how I am on the outside. I hate how I am on the inside.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 day ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    i need to vent although doesnt seem to help i

    feel like i just go on one more day i had to do some errands im a stubborn person so i close myself off i have no strengh to do this i just dont car ei ve been never to be a person to hide i feel like im going to throw up now im turning to food for comfort the darknes and the...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    hello im feeling dark miserabkevery lonely my

    mind im tired of fighting this i dont know how to cope with this i think i feel angry im not sure whant to be set free my angry teenager is miserable in pain i dont know how to heal myself i keep looking for father figures im not healthy my mood is up and down i wanto cry i want...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Apr 12

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Hey guys, I'm new here,

    so I'm not exactly sure how this goes.. But I figured I'd give it a shot. Here's a little bit about me: My name is Sara, I'm 19 years old, I live with my boyfriend & his family, I work part time, and I have BPD. I've had depression my entire life, although I wasn't diagnosed...
    darling1925 darling1925 18-21, F 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    i woke up to early 300pm.

    now im tired i feel like im in lala land i must be shut off noytthing matters pain pain thats all i know abuse is all i know abusr to me with food over eating oh well im not really hear so disconnected i dont want o wake up in the morning but i do keep on going god knows why you...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 4 Responses Apr 5

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    Let's create a resource thread.

    So many times I feel isolated and don't know where to turn for help. Maybe we can all band together and share our resources for getting treatment or managing our disorder. Websites: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills__defined_.html Books: Mindfulness for Borderline...
    IamLisaSimpson IamLisaSimpson 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 1

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    i feel liikei just dont want to goon anymor ei

    stayed up late just so i couldnt face the day i feel tired all the time in such a dark spot but im stubborn and wont open up i feel like i cant take this anymor ei hate life i hate that im like a teenager why cant live on her own i feel like i hate my parents some part of me...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 18

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    TheIceQueen2012 TheIceQueen2012 36-40, F 2 Responses Apr 12

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    i need to vent im feeling

    so angry so fricken depressed i feel likei want to flip as i cant stand fricken being like this i hav enever been like this before this bad the mood is so low i swent to cloverdale today where i live down town and i was so fricken terrified inside i hat ethis fricken illnes si...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Argued with my mom today.

    .. She´s in another country with my brother... and she left me here... It´s hard comunicating with her, she doesn´t get me... My family should be close, but we aren´t. I wish I could have some type of bond with her. But then she gets me so mad. people don´t understand why I...
    DiamondArmada DiamondArmada 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 8

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    I was having a great day at work

    and coming towards the end of the day I started feeling pathetic knowing that once I left work I'd have no to call or text me. Most people constantly have friends texting and calling them but not me. I cut myself off from everyone. I called my one friend and he text back that he...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 2 Responses Apr 13

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    im feeling really funny i dont feel real like

    im just a body around walking around my apartment so tired as usual going to bed is this being disonnected it freaks me out my mond is tired im tired hate being alone i feel like i just cant cope like other people i wan to move away so people wont see my fat body i need a...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 4 hrs ago

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    This is my first time posting on EP,

    so bear with me. Also, keep in mind that doctors and therapists are not 100% of my BPD diagnosis-- I also have dissociation, ADHD, and panics. If you mix those with my depression, anger, riskiness, and self-injury, it appears to be Borderline. As early as age 5, I would have...
    DepressedDemigod DepressedDemigod 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 1

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    im not sure im o her ei just cant cope like

    everyone else i dont understand this i cant stand fetting up everyday i feel angry inside im tempted to go to hospital as much as i hate it there but i feel like i cant go on anymore i just dont understand this even though i was diagnosed 20 years ago jus t so so angry my kid...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 days ago

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    people around me don't understand how horrible

    this disorder is. Borderline personality disorder can be and is debilitating. I'm tired of being different. I'm tired of being disconnected. I'm tired of living. sometime i can't get out of the bed. lately it has been worse. I think and fantasize about dying all day everyday...
    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm actually not quite sure

    if I do or not, but when I was still 17, my psychiatrist said she wanted to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder after I turned 18. I've looked into it, and I fit the mold quite well, as I have for several years. My emotions are out-of-control, and the only way I can...
    Boulier Boulier 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 10

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    i cant fet out of this my mood is

    so low i hate this im in a dark painful place i just dont wan tto do this anymorei dont really wan tto talk to anyone i feel so lonely i got up early but i went back to bed as im a bed of hell i just dont care anymore some time si cant face reality i think why go out when you...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F a week ago

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    Has anyone ever been diagnosed with Bipolar

    Disorder, but actually have Borderline Personality Disorder?
    StrangeDisaster StrangeDisaster 18-21, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    I don't understand how I can care

    so deeply about people and then as soon as I feel rejected in any way I cut them off like they don't exist. A big part of me is sad about it and misses them but that's overshadowed by pain and anger. There's so much fear I just go numb and want everyone to **** off. I know I'll...
    ArtemisAncestor ArtemisAncestor 26-30, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 24 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    hello good morning im

    so struggling im so fricken depressed it isnt funny i just cant take it any more i dont wan to live like this my mood is so loww i feel likea kid that cant get out of this i feel likei need help now why doesnt the pain come out i dont understand this i must go out for awalk all...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I need to try to stop having "episodes"

    when I'm with my friends... but also getting to the point where I don't give a crap what they think anymore... If I'm gonna be alone anyway better sooner than later, maybe I should just be proactive and not hang with them anymore if they're gonna get pissed and **** off...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Apr 8

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 9

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 142 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M Apr 1

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    We fight every night

    for something. When the sun sets were both the same. Half draped in the shadows. Half burned in flames.
    JohnVBlackburn JohnVBlackburn 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 14

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    hollaem hollaem 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 16

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    Someone should check my posts

    and their dramatic change of emotional stand for explanation of borderline pd.I am much better now.And while my emotional self is still cringing at the abandonment,my rational self finally sees the light at the end of the tunnel,and I get to see the disastrous "diary" entries I...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 14

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