I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,857 People

    its hard for me to write i feel like a fa tugly

    pig no feelings i feel so so depressed and stubborn wont open up to anyoe im in such a dark plac ei feel ike screaming insd ei go to bed between 10.00 and 11.00 always up about 5 wishing i diidnt have to face life having gained weight makes me feel worse anyone ever feel like...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Mar 1

    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow
    31-35, F
    44 Responses Apr 1, 2008

    Yes, I guess Im a crazy person.

    I can't ever trust anyone.. don't no why. Im stuck in this lonely dark void where there is always fear that someone is out to get you... even your family and all your loved ones.. but in reality they are just there for you. It pains me so much because I know I can't really get...
    ReaperPrincess1 ReaperPrincess1
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Feb 17

    Is chanting in my head a bps trait

    or is it something else? I'm trying to figure out if the chanting is a hallucination or not.
    ParanoidGirl ParanoidGirl
    26-30
    Apr 18

    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ
    46-50, M
    9 Responses Sep 5, 2012
    bpd86it bpd86it
    26-30, F
    5 Responses Feb 16

    who am I ? I'm whatever you want me to be.

    I'm lost and confused. Im discarded and guarded. I'm impulsive and jealous for no reason at all. I've pushed you away and that's where you will stay. I want you close but if you get too close I'll do something to keep you at bay.
    Joecanada11 Joecanada11
    31-35, M
    1 Response Mar 16

    I belw up at someone

    for no reason at all really, I completely over reacted. If I'm honest with myself I think it was because of my own guilt, need for attention and just generally being a brat. Thats pretty pathetic really. Now I'm annoyed at myself for doing it n taking it out on someone who...
    LJglasgow LJglasgow
    26-30, F
    Sep 28, 2015

    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless
    22-25, F
    1 Response Oct 29, 2014

    Bpd has and is ruining my life,

    my relationship, and bonds between me and my kids. Which now there are no bonds with them. No one wants to be around me cause I say and do things to push them away, yet I feel lonely and don't want to be alone. Alot of people have told me that around 30 or mid 30's most ppl who...
    TainoPrincess84 TainoPrincess84
    31-35, F
    7 Responses Mar 10
    bpd86it bpd86it
    26-30, F
    5 Responses Feb 16

    Im not sure if i have it

    or not. But idk, ive been realizing my behavior. I overexaggerate things. Like if one Lil bad thing happen involving a person that i want in my life and hes not. I go crazy, suicidal feeling weird, putting myself down. Over thinking it constantly. Just feel kinda worthless. Idk...
    Ideallove Ideallove
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 21

    I hate how I push people away by being to clingy

    and by flipping out on them for not being available. Then I feel so lonely and abandoned. Most the time I do it after I've been drinking even after one drink.
    TainoPrincess84 TainoPrincess84
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Feb 16

    Hi. I have had BPD and Depression

    for quite some time. I've moved to London about a year ago to try and reconnect with myself and figure things out and it has worked out for a while. Bu now I'm feeling either empty or sad most of the times and I depersonalise more and more often. I've been also avoiding to get...
    pixie9 pixie9
    22-25, F
    1 Response Feb 21

    I wish I didn't feel

    so crazy...
    lvk80 lvk80
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Apr 2

    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD
    22-25, M
    10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna
    31-35
    3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is

    being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have love addiction,you chase men like a drug,you fall for the ones who you know can't love you,yet you trade sex for a connect.And break down when it...
    aquabunny aquabunny
    22-25, F
    3 Responses May 8, 2015

    I text you and no response within a few minutes.

    My mind starts suspecting something is wrong. I assuming your busy and will respond when your able, but my mind is starting to race. Evil thoughts are rolling all through out my mind. An hour passes, still no reply. The rage is starting to take over in my head. I'm arguing and...
    dirtylittlebilly dirtylittlebilly
    36-40, M
    3 Responses Feb 27

    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric
    18-21, F
    24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22
    22-25, F
    7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

    This is something I find sometimes difficult to

    talk about. Talking about this means I am admitting that I am at fault. It means putting aside my false pride as well as the false image I have created and that I portray when I am around other people. Confident, independent, strong sense of self. It means realizing that what...
    magnificentinsignificance magnificentinsignificance
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Mar 9

    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie
    22-25, F
    6 Responses Apr 23, 2015

    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

    I hate having days like today

    where I feel so emotionally overwhelmed that I just break down into tears.
    TransGirl2552 TransGirl2552
    26-30, T
    4 Responses Feb 22

    I think I have this disorder.

    I will lose my temper over unreal situations. I get so depressed and insecure. I cried for hours and thought about suicide while sleeping at my boyfriends house with him. I was up most of the night trying to get the courage to leave. we argued and I cried and in the morning I...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Feb 25

    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy
    18-21, F
    25 Responses Jun 16, 2010

    Finally found out there is a DBT program

    through Mental health where I live and I am on the waiting list !!!
    Joecanada11 Joecanada11
    31-35, M
    1 Response Mar 19
    Gay3aaa Gay3aaa
    22-25, M
    1 Response Mar 25

    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage
    26-30, F
    147 Responses Feb 18, 2009

    Most people would look at this picture

    and say "Wow, that woman is f*cking crazy." I saw it and was like "Omfg she is my spirit animal. Me and her would be besties."
    daddyslilmonster daddyslilmonster
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 14

    I can go from smart *** to straight sarcasm

    then right back to a normal conversation. Is that a bad thing? I'm being told it is something I need to work on- of course this not from a medical professional.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    9 Responses Sep 14, 2015

    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3
    26-30, F
    2 Responses May 24, 2014

    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    WindsomeFlurry WindsomeFlurry
    26-30
    6 Responses Apr 3, 2014

    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ
    46-50, M
    4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

    It manifests itself a lot of different ways.

    Episodes lasting hours or days of crying and screaming. Feeling numb and so ugly that I can't look at myself. Dropping stuff or doing stuff mindlessly (throwing out things I need but forgetting, blending orange rinds in my smoothie). Behaviorally, promiscuity, escorting...
    dreamylisa dreamylisa
    31-35, F
    1 Response Mar 1

    I hate people. I think I might have schizoid PD

    in addition to this. I don't know.
    ladyvalkyrie88 ladyvalkyrie88
    22-25, F
    Feb 18

    Fuming. Are we to generalise all those with a

    limp, or all those who get a physical illness? Are they all the same? Two programs on TV this week where the 'perpetrator' is suddenly identified as having BPD. And they are prize nutters, manipulative, dishonest, attention seeking! So that's us lot hey? Why the hell do they...
    happytolearn happytolearn
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Apr 6

    I finally know what it's like to feel content

    and not frantically feel the need for someone. It's a very nice feeling. It's a calm in the storm. I've been feeling this way for a couple weeks now. I'm grateful for it. I have even been sleeping at night. Super happy about it all.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Sep 17, 2015

    I had an episode last night.

    My partner and I went to a local restaurants for drinks. We were having fun at first! I had three drinks and I was buzzed. The episode was surely alcohol induced. When we got home my mood switched from pleasant to angry - for no particular reason. I locked myself in my bedroom...
    BlueGreenGray BlueGreenGray
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Feb 18
    Strangleh0ld Strangleh0ld
    31-35, M
    3 Responses Mar 13

    Anyone else feel like there is a complete lack

    of understanding of mental health issues and a complete lack of awareness.... Like all the smile wearing people who push there trollies in the middle of the Isles in supermarkets, those guys don't give a **** about mental health issues. The ones who raise there voice at a nurse...
    aneurysm91 aneurysm91
    22-25, M
    4 Responses Mar 21

    I am exploding with this stupid feeling.

    It starts by over thinking. Then it explodes into this raging fireball that can't be contained. It burns in the pits of my stomach and grabs hold of my heart and squeezes so hard that I feel every heartbeat throughout my whole body. Anger then swells in me and I have this...
    aneurysm91 aneurysm91
    22-25, M
    3 Responses Mar 20

    Rules for dating someone with Borderline

    Personality Disorder: 1. Do not invalidate our feelings 2. Do not leave us alone for extended periods of time 3. Always make us feel like the number one priority 4. Make plenty of time to spend with us, alone 5. Do not get angry when we fail to see the gray 6. Be supportive 7...
    shoxic shoxic
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Jun 6, 2015

    I wish I could date someone with BPD.

    They'd understand me and I'd understand them. Message me :)
    maialilithx maialilithx
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Feb 22

    I find music and poetry to always trigger

    extreme emotions. I love writting my poetry.. getting lost in a world I create or just venting about issues. Music makes me want to smoke cigarettes.. Especially a good song... so... I chain-smoke as a hobby.
    UlyanaSA UlyanaSA
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 14

    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee
    22-25, F
    6 Responses May 12, 2013

    Has anyone's moods ever shifted erratically

    for absolutely no clear reason? I would go from being happy for several hours then depressed and emotionally dissonant about something unrelated to what I was happy about and then bitter and angry the next several hours. External events like life stressors and triggers make...
    rainbowsmangos2015 rainbowsmangos2015
    22-25, F
    4 Responses Sep 24, 2015

    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa
    46-50, F
    12 Responses Jun 15, 2007

    Today Ive been practicing my DBT skills.

    Lifted some weights.. Did some star jumps.. Made a homemade meal instead of takeaway. Used lavender oil to help me relax... Continued to accept myself/thoughts even the darkest ones and be mindful that for one more day BPD hasnt won
    deej200 deej200
    36-40, M
    4 Responses Nov 9, 2015

    The only hope I have is

    that I'll die and my soul could become something better than I am right now. I fixate about my death and how it would happen. I'm not scared of dying... I wish I could die right now. I'd never say this out loud because I feel like people would think I'm seeking attention or...
    UlyanaSA UlyanaSA
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Mar 21

    Does anybody else here feel

    as though there are two or more of you? One of "me" isa kind loving compassionate outgoing good friend (id like to think) and the other is a self aggressive destructive monster! Apologies in advance if i offend anybody with these words. I feel torn tonight..
    deej200 deej200
    36-40, M
    4 Responses Nov 3, 2015

    I hate this ******* disorder!

    I hate getting attached to people, I hate feeling lonely and unwanted, I hate being so needy. I just want someone to look after me but my social anxiety is so bad and I get so irritated with people that I feel like I'll never even make friends.
    princessisabel princessisabel
    18-21, F
    Jul 16, 2015

    feeling hopeless. I just want to be able to

    feel like a normal human being. I want to wake up and be happy to be alive. I want to feel like I have a purpose here. right now I only feel numb or sad. Regretting pushing away my wife and best friend.
    Joecanada11 Joecanada11
    31-35, M
    Mar 17

    hi I am searching for an helping book

    for bpd patients, I am not English and in my country there is not something interesting, can you suggest me something written in English? thanks
    bpd86it bpd86it
    26-30, F
    1 Response Mar 3

    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248
    36-40, F
    32 Responses May 8, 2012

    Do you ever notice the closer you get to

    someone (romantically) the stronger your fear of abandonment gets??
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    8 Responses Sep 10, 2015

    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie
    22-25, F
    4 Responses May 10, 2015

    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Jan 9, 2015
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