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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,269 People

    I'm tired of feelings like this.

    I hate getting upset over the smallest things and having impulsive thoughts take over my mind. I don't want to feel angry or sad anymore. I feel like I'm about to be pushed to edge. No one understands. Everyone eventually leaves. They say they care until they get to know who you...
    highorlow highorlow 18-21, F 1 Response a week ago

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    does anyone here to know how to cope i get up

    struggling everyday is a struggle just to get through the day ive gained so much weight that could be it i smoke to much its so black insdie my therapist is teaching to quit saying the neg its hard for me i put myself down to the ground all the time i really dont know what...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 3 Responses Sep 5

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    Hi everybody. I've been reading a lot of your

    stories and they hit home with me. I see a lot of my views and experiences in your posts. I've suffered on and off with mental problems for about 6 years or so, since getting out of an abusive relationship. I was originally diagnosed with depression and that was probably...
    Pheebs1990 Pheebs1990 22-25, F 6 Responses Aug 31

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    I have been crying for two days straight.

    I have been sleeping all day because I exhaust myself with my thoughts. Now I can't sleep at night. I have also been very angry with my boyfriend. I yell at him to leave me a lone but I won't let him leave the house. I feel helpless right now. I'm also not eating. I feel a...
    stephaniekaye stephaniekaye 26-30, F Aug 29

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    how do you love your self

    as i loathe myself i need love but cant receive my kid parts super angry at my parents as when i was younger i needproper parents and it so affected big time i have bad habits i need to get rif of and over the years ive let myself go i feel like i have an addictive personality...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 137 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    i need to vent i called my brother today big

    fricken mistaken anyways i was telling him about my situation with a my landlord controlling me hes a hole iwasnt being mindful anywas then he tells me you have to grow up i hate the guys hes my brother and he upsets me so i reacted it to post it on face bookthat i never want...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Waiting outside my psychiatrist's office!

    What to talk about today?
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M Sep 9

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    I feel like I'm spinning out of control.

    I'm making actions, taking risks that aren't safe or right for me to be doing. There's a chance it could lead to bigger things that could get me in a lot of trouble. And yet when I do them, I feel like I have no choice. But I guess reckless behaviour is to be expected. Maybe I'm...
    NoraDysphoria NoraDysphoria 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 28

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    I feel really, really bad.

    .. I keep having these dreams about how my parents treated me before they put me in a mental hospital, then about the year I spent in the mental hospital. I just keep reliving that everynight.. Getting scared to go to sleep.. having to drink myself to sleep most of the time now...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Sep 5

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    Can feel myself growing distant again.

    It's where I'm most comfortable. Dealing with realizing my codependency issues and trying to work thru those. Surprised my boyfriend hasn't said anything about it yet. Surely he can feel me pulling away. I feel like this is it this time. Feel so done with the relationship, but...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 3

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    I have been crying for two days straight.

    I have been sleeping all day because I exhaust myself with my thoughts. Now I can't sleep at night. I have also been very angry with my boyfriend. I yell at him to leave me a lone but I won't let him leave the house. I feel helpless right now. I'm also not eating. I feel a...
    stephaniekaye stephaniekaye 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 29

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    WHAT IS - A BREAK DOWN OF IT: Personality

    disorder involve patterns of behavior, mood, social interaction and impulsiveness that causes distress to the one experiencing them, as well as people in their lives, and around them. Many of these behaviors may cause severe disturbances in the individual's personal and...
    SassyBabe39 SassyBabe39 41-45, F 2 Responses Sep 8

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    have you ever stayed in a relationship

    because you're afraid of being alone? I don't know if I am.. I don't think I am staying in it for that reason.. I love someone so much but he does not make me very happy.. It's clear that we want different things out of life.. I just want someone to have a family with, to...
    kbeary kbeary 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 5

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    im feeling down im not sure what to write i

    feel like i want to give up i feel imature to day nothing works i feel like im just donr everyone is too nice i have a part that doesnt deserve anything i feel like im not functioning the darkness i dont want to do anything aanymore i always feel like i needa mom i think my...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses Sep 9

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    hi just need to vent not feeling well i feel

    like im going off the deep end i dont like getting up in the morning anymore i want to avoid the night time when i get my cycle my disorder is worse i head is messed up i feeel like a teenager at imes afraid to grow up doe sthat make sense i swear i like to inflict pain on...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I started regularly weekly therapy 5 years ago

    after a lifetime of severe trauma. I was immediately diagnosed with BPD. Actually, I was pretty thrilled to know there was a real explanation for "me". Having BPD is a struggle. Everything is too intense. And it hurts. I promise you've never felt pain like it. It's the most...
    AlleywayGospel AlleywayGospel 26-30, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Ok uhh, talked with my psychiatrist yesterday

    and we decided to try a three week trial period of no meds! So I'm one day in and I'm getting serious withdrawals... I'm cycling so fast through emotions, going high and low! I haven't experienced this since before I started the meds, which was years ago, so this like new (and...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 3 Responses Jul 7

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8

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    I think the pills I take could be working

    but just not in the right way? I take Effexor and Sulpiride. I think they are giving me headaches and also causing me not to care about anything, I don't do homework for school I postpone everything and I just don't have any will to do anything. I end up doing the things I have...
    Beatles22 Beatles22 26-30, F 2 Responses Sep 8

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    the Baggage Poster "girl"----my Shame

    It all came to light this time last year. It was the first time i had heard this diagnosis on top of my now bi-polor disorder. Whatever... anyway it appears that i am a ******* mess all around. Ive over come and destroyed two marriages and have two beautiful boys. Which they tell...
    LOST27 LOST27 26-30, F 22 Responses Dec 1, 2006

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28

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    I want to understand borderline more.

    No, I don't have it. I was misdiagnosed once, but I do have aspergers. Anyways, I have a friend with BPD and I wish to write a book about BPD and aspergers to hopefully help some people out who don't understand it. If you could explain borderline to me and how it affects your...
    nikkianni nikkianni 13-15, F 2 Responses Sep 4

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    i just found this link http://bpd.

    about.com/od/livingwithbpd/a/Coping.htm , not adding much from what i've already knew but still a nice reading material.. still struggling to learn coping too though.. any advice is welcomed :) *and hush don't tell other people about this
    yayforKay yayforKay 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 5

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Well just been diagnosed with bpd

    and adhd on top of that so just starting to get my head around it all so hope meet other and talk to them about it all
    philipm42 philipm42 41-45, M 1 Response Sep 9

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 10 Responses Feb 25

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Who the **** am I????

    ? I'm so beyond confused right now. It seems like since I got diagnosed idk what was really me and what was the disorder. My anger is irrational, I fall in love way too easily. I'm constantly back and forth with relationships. Low self esteem. Low sense of self worth. I thought...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 1

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    I could so use some help

    and advice if some of you could take the time to try and help someone who is suffering and needs the help. GUILT IS TO THE SPIRIT...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M 5 Responses Aug 29

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    It has been suggested

    that this is what I'm dealing with. I've been reading a lot into it and tbh I think it hits the nail on the head. I've been referred to a psychiatrist to confirm it and get proper treatment. What upsets me is that I don't know how people react. Because people are generally quite...
    FallenForDeceit FallenForDeceit 18-21, M 3 Responses Sep 4

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 2 Responses Sep 7

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