Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,840 People

    I have a question for those of you

    who have also been given this diagnosis. I was diagnosed about 1.5 years ago, and it has certainly been the worst period of my life. I feel like I'm in a fog, and I can never trust my judgement. I'm completely debilitated by it at the moment. My question: Did you find...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 7 Responses Jan 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Having borderline personality is like being

    normal but intensified. You feel like your mind is pure chaos and you try to act as normal as you can be so no one’s figures it out: That you are different and that you don’t belong.
    Blueborder21 Blueborder21 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have BPD. I am about to lose my partner

    because I am so clingy, then I push him away. I self harm and abuse pills. Is there a self help group out there? I just want to be normal.....
    biffiebabie biffiebabie 36-40, F 1 Response 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I hate this ******* disorder!

    I hate getting attached to people, I hate feeling lonely and unwanted, I hate being so needy. I just want someone to look after me but my social anxiety is so bad and I get so irritated with people that I feel like I'll never even make friends.
    princessisabel princessisabel 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 16, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There's a part of me,

    which would like to meet a girl that has BPD just so she can meet a few of my darker needs just because I think the others don't get it. Any girls out there fancy a guy buddy?
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jan 31

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My head hurts. For the past couple of months my

    symptoms were being triggered by what I suspect to be a narcissist. I was sucked in to his cycle of discard and being placed on pedestal. Or maybe I was swinging between black and white. Well, somewhere between perceiving abandonment and invalidating my emotions I was on a...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 31

    Your Response

    Cancel

    ... Blank ... I feel like

    that sums up me right now. I feel like I'm losing hope.
    Jlb13592 Jlb13592 26-30, M 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Has anyone's moods ever shifted erratically

    for absolutely no clear reason? I would go from being happy for several hours then depressed and emotionally dissonant about something unrelated to what I was happy about and then bitter and angry the next several hours. External events like life stressors and triggers make...
    rainbowsmangos2015 rainbowsmangos2015 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 24, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    But I'm pretty unique to other Borderlines.

    Anybody else feel alone, even with this?
    leflay leflay 22-25, T 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I finally know what it's like to feel content

    and not frantically feel the need for someone. It's a very nice feeling. It's a calm in the storm. I've been feeling this way for a couple weeks now. I'm grateful for it. I have even been sleeping at night. Super happy about it all.
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Sep 17, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I find a lot of people on EP have

    misunderstandings about what borderline personality disorder is (like mixing up different disorders). So for anyone coming on this page for information, I highly recommend you go and look up the disorder in the DSM5 which describes all the criteria and possible symptoms for...
    AnonymousKCQ AnonymousKCQ 22-25, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 145 Responses Feb 18, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I can go from smart *** to straight sarcasm

    then right back to a normal conversation. Is that a bad thing? I'm being told it is something I need to work on- of course this not from a medical professional.
    Tiredmamaof3 Tiredmamaof3 41-45, F 11 Responses Sep 14, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Does anybody struggle with feelings of low self

    worth, even though they know it not to be true?
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I belw up at someone

    for no reason at all really, I completely over reacted. If I'm honest with myself I think it was because of my own guilt, need for attention and just generally being a brat. Thats pretty pathetic really. Now I'm annoyed at myself for doing it n taking it out on someone who...
    LJglasgow LJglasgow 26-30, F 3 Responses Sep 28, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My boyfriend has been ignoring me all night.

    I'm scared that he is going to leave me for another woman, who is hid friend. I know that I am not normal, I have tried talking to him but I get no response. The urge to self harm is really overwhelming. Help!
    biffiebabie biffiebabie 36-40, F 1 Response 14 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It All Makes Sense Now.

    A chance encounter and some independent research resulted in my realization that for the last 5 years my behavior, experiences, and relationships would amount to a textbook example of someone suffering with BPD. The Intensity. The Destruction. The Dysfunction. The Self...
    Missluhvlee Missluhvlee 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today Ive been practicing my DBT skills.

    Lifted some weights.. Did some star jumps.. Made a homemade meal instead of takeaway. Used lavender oil to help me relax... Continued to accept myself/thoughts even the darkest ones and be mindful that for one more day BPD hasnt won
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 5 Responses Nov 9, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 12 Responses Jun 15, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 22-25, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I feel alone a lot. Even

    though I have someone who loves me. Im afraid to hold on because everyone that I love has died, usually by committing suicide or because of me. Im in love with my husband who understands me but DOSENT understand me. Ive been through rapes and verbal abusive language and i have a...
    kayovele kayovele 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 18

    Your Response

    Cancel
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I can't get close to anybody

    because I don't trust that they genuinely care about me and I don't trust that they'll stay around. Literally everybody I've ever loved, family and all has abandoned me at some point. I try to do my best alone and be independent but I do get lonely and I do wish I could trust...
    D3vacj D3vacj 22-25, F Jan 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There are days I hate my life.

    In other words hating my life is hating my parents, my father in particular. I was my family's scapegoat. Yep, I inherited that dreadful honorable position. Yesterday, I watched "Divergent" for the first time, and I felt exactly like the protagonist. Everyone was able to conform...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Does anyone else feel

    as if that people are always indirectly/or directly mocking your abilities? That they always underestimate how capable you are?
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One day I asked the DBT therapist to lead a

    mindfulness activity as a repair for showing up to the previous group late. My individual therapist encouraged me to give an explanation what mindfulness means to me. Here is the explaination: "When I was younger I acquired certain skills that were needed. This enabled me to...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 1 Response a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am so tired of not being understood

    whatsoever. I feel like there is an insane and massive distance between me and everyone I know. It's like a vast space that just keeps them from knowing and I can't help them navigate it because I get so angry and I am so so tired of being angry. I am tired of feeling like...
    NarcissisticCartman NarcissisticCartman 26-30 6 Responses Jan 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Do you ever notice the closer you get to

    someone (romantically) the stronger your fear of abandonment gets??
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Sep 10, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am being treated for depression,

    anxiety and panic attacks. Although I am certain that I have BPD (self observation, I haven't seen a professional as of yet) My mood is constantly unstable. I can be on the verge of wanting to die and then suddenly it feels like a switch has been turned off and I go back to...
    EverlyLeex EverlyLeex 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 25 Responses Jun 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 2 Responses May 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 9 Responses Apr 23, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    i feel so sad and lonely

    and abandoned everyday is the same im afraid to wake up i dont want o do anything anymore today is the first day in 5 days ive done something this illness amakes you feel likeyou hav enoone i think people think im a bum and i looser although i feel that way i dont dress up like...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    WindsomeFlurry WindsomeFlurry 26-30 6 Responses Apr 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today, in a lecture, suicide was casually

    mentioned. Wasn't even about humans, was about birds, but I just wasn't mentally prepared. I can deal with reading about that sort of thing on my own terms, but to have it mentioned in a lecture and so casually, it's really triggered something in me. I hate it when people...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A few days ago I posted how my head hurts

    and how I have to let ago of a relationship. Also to use it as an opportunity to reflect on my issues. So here goes. The thing that sucks about BPD is when I am feeling emotionally vulnerable, usually due to my environment, my interpersonal relationships takes the hardest hit...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I accepted that there's going to be up

    and downs. The downs doesn't make me a failure, however, it is an opportunity to explore what is inflicting me and sharpen my skills. I'm finished with DBT, I'm not on any meds, and boy I feel more freaking afraid than before DBT at times. I can't change the fact that I have BPD...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 1 Response a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I can't live like this forever.

    I'm not in physical danger, but I'm feeling hopeless. Is there reason to hope?
    mymaidenname mymaidenname 22-25, F 2 Responses a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel