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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,835 People

    I have four personalities Baby.

    ...She is the Queen, currently learning to be a proper Lady for the Kingdom. Katie..... She is the actress, she knows about the streets, and how to make your way. She defends the abuse for her own mental health, because after all, we are humans. She will nurture you back to...
    whispernred whispernred 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 14

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    I can go from smart *** to straight sarcasm

    then right back to a normal conversation. Is that a bad thing? I'm being told it is something I need to work on- of course this not from a medical professional.
    Tiredmamaof3 Tiredmamaof3 41-45, F 11 Responses Sep 14, 2015

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10, 2015

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 46-50, M 9 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Does anybody struggle with feelings of low self

    worth, even though they know it not to be true?
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 26

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 145 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I find a lot of people on EP have

    misunderstandings about what borderline personality disorder is (like mixing up different disorders). So for anyone coming on this page for information, I highly recommend you go and look up the disorder in the DSM5 which describes all the criteria and possible symptoms for...
    AnonymousKCQ AnonymousKCQ 22-25, F 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    I can't get close to anybody

    because I don't trust that they genuinely care about me and I don't trust that they'll stay around. Literally everybody I've ever loved, family and all has abandoned me at some point. I try to do my best alone and be independent but I do get lonely and I do wish I could trust...
    D3vacj D3vacj 22-25, F Jan 20

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    I hate this ******* disorder!

    I hate getting attached to people, I hate feeling lonely and unwanted, I hate being so needy. I just want someone to look after me but my social anxiety is so bad and I get so irritated with people that I feel like I'll never even make friends.
    princessisabel princessisabel 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 16, 2015

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    I am being treated for depression,

    anxiety and panic attacks. Although I am certain that I have BPD (self observation, I haven't seen a professional as of yet) My mood is constantly unstable. I can be on the verge of wanting to die and then suddenly it feels like a switch has been turned off and I go back to...
    EverlyLeex EverlyLeex 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 25

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    I can't live like this forever.

    I'm not in physical danger, but I'm feeling hopeless. Is there reason to hope?
    mymaidenname mymaidenname 22-25, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Does anybody else here feel

    as though there are two or more of you? One of "me" isa kind loving compassionate outgoing good friend (id like to think) and the other is a self aggressive destructive monster! Apologies in advance if i offend anybody with these words. I feel torn tonight..
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2015

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Having borderline personality is like being

    normal but intensified. You feel like your mind is pure chaos and you try to act as normal as you can be so no one’s figures it out: That you are different and that you don’t belong.
    Blueborder21 Blueborder21 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 27

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    A few days ago I posted how my head hurts

    and how I have to let ago of a relationship. Also to use it as an opportunity to reflect on my issues. So here goes. The thing that sucks about BPD is when I am feeling emotionally vulnerable, usually due to my environment, my interpersonal relationships takes the hardest hit...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 2 days ago

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    WindsomeFlurry WindsomeFlurry 26-30 6 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    Does anyone else always worry about their

    performance in anything? I get enraged when i try something that I'm not good at. I don't do things that I'm not good at.
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 14

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 44 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Blueborder21 Blueborder21 18-21, F 4 days ago

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    Today, in a lecture, suicide was casually

    mentioned. Wasn't even about humans, was about birds, but I just wasn't mentally prepared. I can deal with reading about that sort of thing on my own terms, but to have it mentioned in a lecture and so casually, it's really triggered something in me. I hate it when people...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 26

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    My head hurts. For the past couple of months my

    symptoms were being triggered by what I suspect to be a narcissist. I was sucked in to his cycle of discard and being placed on pedestal. Or maybe I was swinging between black and white. Well, somewhere between perceiving abandonment and invalidating my emotions I was on a...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Has anyone's moods ever shifted erratically

    for absolutely no clear reason? I would go from being happy for several hours then depressed and emotionally dissonant about something unrelated to what I was happy about and then bitter and angry the next several hours. External events like life stressors and triggers make...
    rainbowsmangos2015 rainbowsmangos2015 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 24, 2015

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    Do you ever notice the closer you get to

    someone (romantically) the stronger your fear of abandonment gets??
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Sep 10, 2015

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 2 Responses May 24, 2014

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    One day I asked the DBT therapist to lead a

    mindfulness activity as a repair for showing up to the previous group late. My individual therapist encouraged me to give an explanation what mindfulness means to me. Here is the explaination: "When I was younger I acquired certain skills that were needed. This enabled me to...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    When I get upset sometimes I just wanna do

    crazy things for that adrenaline rush. I wanna get a tattoo or reach out to someone I shouldn't for attention or get a piercing or just make a crazy purchase.
    D3vacj D3vacj 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 17

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    It took several years

    and soooo many meds to finally get diagnosed with BPD. I only got the dx because I went to an outpatient program and there were 2 doctors looking at my records. I was sitting in session one day and they started describing BPD and it clicked for me, the counselor in the session...
    justme081 justme081 31-35, F 2 Responses Jan 26

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    But I'm pretty unique to other Borderlines.

    Anybody else feel alone, even with this?
    leflay leflay 22-25, T 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    I don't have BPD but my (ex) boyfriend may have

    it so coming here to learn. Hopefully that is okay.
    Lann2015 Lann2015 31-35, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I finally know what it's like to feel content

    and not frantically feel the need for someone. It's a very nice feeling. It's a calm in the storm. I've been feeling this way for a couple weeks now. I'm grateful for it. I have even been sleeping at night. Super happy about it all.
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Sep 17, 2015

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 46-50, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 12 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    There's a part of me,

    which would like to meet a girl that has BPD just so she can meet a few of my darker needs just because I think the others don't get it. Any girls out there fancy a guy buddy?
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 25 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is

    being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have love addiction,you chase men like a drug,you fall for the ones who you know can't love you,yet you trade sex for a connect.And break down when it...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses May 8, 2015

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9, 2015

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    Today Ive been practicing my DBT skills.

    Lifted some weights.. Did some star jumps.. Made a homemade meal instead of takeaway. Used lavender oil to help me relax... Continued to accept myself/thoughts even the darkest ones and be mindful that for one more day BPD hasnt won
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 5 Responses Nov 9, 2015

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 22-25, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I belw up at someone

    for no reason at all really, I completely over reacted. If I'm honest with myself I think it was because of my own guilt, need for attention and just generally being a brat. Thats pretty pathetic really. Now I'm annoyed at myself for doing it n taking it out on someone who...
    LJglasgow LJglasgow 26-30, F 3 Responses Sep 28, 2015

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