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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,675 People

    "To love is a dangerous path

    for me." —Michael (Me)
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 27

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    I have not been diagnosed officially,

    but both my psycholigist and psychiatrist believe that I have a personality disorder. My psycholigist thinks it may be Bi-Polar II but does not want to make a diagnosis until I am through the grieving process. Reading up on and looking at the boards on various sites and reading...
    Myzery Myzery 31-35, F 2 Responses Aug 21

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    WindsomeFlurry WindsomeFlurry 26-30 6 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    It's ironic how I can be completely ruthless to

    some people whereas I can be very gentle, accepting and kind towards those I have chose to cherish.
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 1 Response Aug 24

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 143 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    This is a lil excerpt from a comment I made.

    "you can over come it. its a matter of retraining ur brain. and reassuring urself. what ur experiencing is probably not real.like for instance she he said he'd call back in 10 mins and now its been an hr. and our thoughts start thinking. "oh god he's tired of me. he doesn't...
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 25 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10

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    You want true love but true love with only

    that person, I don't care if someone else offers me anything it has to be that person.
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Idk what happened I suddenly feel like wanting

    to die..I feel weal and tired..I wanna be alone but at the same time I want someone to tell me it'll pass and everything is gonna be okay..Idk why it had to be tonight that I feel like this again..it's been so long..I don't know what to do..
    DalaKumono DalaKumono 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I love/hate in all my relationships with men.

    When things are bad I want to break up and when things are good I'm the happiest person alive. I recently had an episode and broke up with my boyfriend who I know would never leave me but I think I deserve more. I wonder if I will ever be truly satisfied with anyone..
    sexyprincess23 sexyprincess23 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 9 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Is there anyone here

    who has had another former or co existing diagnosis with borderline personality disorder? I was diagnosed with Autism in my childhood but one psychologist I see thinks I have borderline and not Autism.
    rainbowsmangos2015 rainbowsmangos2015 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I first started to notice I wasn't 'normal'

    when I was 14 years old. I would flip out so quickly over small things, and I don't mean just have a temper tantrum.. I would break things, punch walls, scream, scratch myself and pull my hair out. It was like I wasn't in my body and couldn't control it. I then started to drink...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Aug 25

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    I have had so much to be ungrateful

    and so very little to be thankful for.. I am living in a world where i am not in control.. I hate everything about my stupid illness and i cant seem to get away from it.. To get away from my mind that seems to take everything from me.. Look at me? Can you look me in the eye and...
    xxcaylaxx xxcaylaxx 16-17, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I hate this feelings.

    Idk what's triggering all these bad feelings in me today but I wish I never woke up from my sleep. I just wanna be alone but I wanna talk. I feel hatred but then again I don't. I wanna hit something but I don't wanna hurt anything myself.~ I just wanna cry and vent but I really...
    xMellowButterflyx xMellowButterflyx 18-21, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    If you want to what Borderline Personality

    feels like watch the links below. It'll give you an inside look. Watch "Borderline Personality Disorder - What it feels like" on YouTube - https://youtu.be/PzpIzXShHeg Watch "Borderline Personality Disorder" on YouTube - https://youtu.be/KeQuZyTkyFw
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 25

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    I hate this ******* disorder!

    I hate getting attached to people, I hate feeling lonely and unwanted, I hate being so needy. I just want someone to look after me but my social anxiety is so bad and I get so irritated with people that I feel like I'll never even make friends.
    princesabecca princesabecca 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 16

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Do any of you guys find yourself easily

    obsessed with subjects, ppl, objects. places ect. ??
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 3 Responses Aug 25

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    feelings make everything worse

    and sometimes make everything better.. gawd the rollercoaster ride is getting to me today
    Tattooedgirl864 Tattooedgirl864 31-35 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    i dont feel like writng

    as nothing seems to help im having trouble getting up to face the day dont feel like showering yesterday was different the nothing helps i feel nothing i geel like nothing so lonely i feel likeim stubborn just dont want to the work anymor eits too hard im tired of this anyone...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Aug 23

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    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self...
    ReachingNirvana ReachingNirvana 22-25, M 5 Responses Jun 2, 2014

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    Tattooedgirl864 Tattooedgirl864 31-35 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    OMG emotional roller coaster im

    so fucken drained. I was obviously to happy/manic today n now here comes the come down grrr!!!!. im so mad upset n exausted at the same time. can you seriously not just let me be happy for 1 whole day!!!!
    LJglasgow LJglasgow 26-30, F 6 Responses Aug 18

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    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    Nothingness!!! I woke up to flat,

    numb, nothingness. As much as I hate being manic or on a really bad low I think id rather have either of them right now. This feeling or lack of feeling I really cant handle, I hate this and I dont know how to deal with it!!!
    LJglasgow LJglasgow 26-30, F 2 Responses Aug 24

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    I was just in emotion mind RAGE,

    ANGER.. everyone in my path got a taste of it and I didn't care. I get fed up with being ran all over sometimes and I explode! People need to learn to stay away from me when Im in that state. I feel kinda bad now.
    ms5271115 ms5271115 36-40, F Aug 24

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    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 11 Responses Apr 23

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    How do you deal with getting pushed away?

    It's hard to even survive those moments.
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 9

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    Yeah I remember why I don't let myself feel

    for ppl. Ppl will always cause you pain. It's best to just wall yourself up and stay in your cell alone and lonely. It's a duller pain. Anyone else feel this way??
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I may be a sadistic borderline

    but at least I wouldn't lie, betray or cheat the people I cherish (even if it is a few). I wonder who the real animals are.
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 3 days ago

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    despite all the people around me I've been

    forced to do everything alone. my family are toxic to be around, I have no friends around me and I ended up in a toxic relationship that was emotionally abusive and controlling that's ended now thankfully and I finally meet someone who I think is the one and yet she just told me...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 1 Response 1 day ago

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