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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,401 People

    I managed to creep myself out.

    .. A lot. I just looked through some of my old papers and stuff. I must have had borderline personality disorder for a long long time. I kept emails between me and my ex best friend (who was my BFF my whole life until I was about 15). I sound like such a stalker in them. I wrote...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 7

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 Jan 8

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    Literally just had to take two antiemetics

    before this job interview. Well at least I won't puke in the middle of it.
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 8

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    Don't know how to control myself.

    I feel like I'm on drugs being so up and elated to all of a sudden this major come down. I can't have bad days without getting negative comments from my boyfriend. I bore him with my insecure thoughts- his words not mine. It makes it so difficult to have a bad day I can't let it...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    This pain..... This hell.

    .... It never ends.... Never fades away.....
    styxc styxc 18-21, M 6 days ago

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I love her so much...

    ..she's one of the most important people in my life. But my BPD makes things bad. I feel like punishing myself for loving her. I feel like cutting. I feel like running away somewhere. I want to die everytime we argue.... She's like my oxygen.....
    styxc styxc 18-21, M 1 Response a week ago

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    I have a job interview this afternoon,

    and I am so incredibly nervous.
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 8

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    It's not the anger, the depression,

    the anxiety, the impulsivity that gets to me. It's the support of the one person who believes I'm a decent person that tears me down every time. Why spend so much effort on someone worth so damn little.
    atomicliquor atomicliquor 22-25, M 3 Responses Jan 14

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    That awkward moment when you're at an interview,

    and they ask you how well you handle your emotions..
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F Jan 8

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    Time to put the fighting face on.

    .. But how can one keep fighting a battle with an unseen enemy?
    rorenchan rorenchan 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 9

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    I'm borderline. and in a relationship with the

    most caring compassionate understanding human being I've ever found... I am incredibly grateful and head over heels in Love. But being borderline, makes everything so much more difficult, communication especially. Because it takes next to nothing to start a war and get me to...
    Minnowshi Minnowshi 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Just got diagnosed yesterday.

    Would explain why I have always found life tough and struggle to keep friends. I currently have no friends but thankfully have a very understanding partner who I would be lost without. I'd like to get to know other bpd's around my age and how they juggle life. I hope someone...
    Violaplayer84 Violaplayer84 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 15

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    My mother got icy cold cause I she wanted a

    scarf I had ,and I could not give it to her then and there.She proceeded to dramatize how she needs nothing from me,and she is capable of handling the world without people like me.Now an hour later ,she is absolutely fine,but is avoiding my existence.I thank all my stars for...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    My dad just came home.

    He seemed mad at me . He asked me why I sounded funny on the phone when we spoke a while ago. I told him it was because I said "hola" in a Spanish voice. But he was like well you better not have that tongue ring in your mouth. And I said I don't because I don't. He thinks im...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 6

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Kelly Clarkson's Dark Side speaks out to me.

    http://youtu.be/H5ArpRWcGe0 "Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know It's not pretty there and few have ever gone If I show it to you now Will it make you run away? Or will you stay Even if it hurts Even if I try to push you out Will you return?" And he ran (not walked) because...
    69NTD8 69NTD8 36-40, F 20 hrs ago

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    i have so much anger built up in me

    and take it out on all the wrong people. i feel so empty. i really dont know what to do. i want to feel happy again. i want to not get so angry.
    pinkwink1245 pinkwink1245 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 13

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11, 2014

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    styxc styxc 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 8

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    i'm in a long distance relationship

    which makes it even harder for me to control these thoughts..most of the time i find myself thinking about how he's cheating on me, or how he's suddenly losing his interest in me. And then i cry and lose my head and i try talking to him but i feel like he's not going to...
    DalaKumono DalaKumono 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 17

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Do you have a problem with argumentative people

    So I was having these perfect three days ,and I decided to tell my brother about my tendencies for "depression" and "anxiety".He said that these things are just people should get over with .I told sometimes that is not true,especially if people are going through it for years.He...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    Hi, ive got a question

    for my fellow bpd's. should I tell my boss I have been diagnosed with it? if someone on here has, how did it go and did anything change? I'm currently in two minds what to do about it and need some advice please. Thanks in advance.
    Violaplayer84 Violaplayer84 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 16

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    I realize I hallucinate a lot more

    since I started living on my own. Perhaps its only normal.
    Minnowshi Minnowshi 18-21, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    Who Am I to come here?

    (Who am I even at all?) I can't press the me too button because I don't know. A doctor didn't tell me, I just guessed and a lot of people have said some things. You're probably all going to be like, "You probably just want it because you're one of those fakers and attention...
    ForeverStarrs ForeverStarrs 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 11

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    Anyone else suffers from chronic boredom

    and emptiness? How do you deal with it? hobbies don't work.....
    styxc styxc 18-21, M 4 Responses a week ago

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Would you say there are any mental illnesses

    very similar to borderline? If so, what?
    strawberryletter22 strawberryletter22 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 18

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    I really want a hug..

    .. I just want a shoulder to cry on, a friend to laugh with, and share everything with, a lover, a support system. But I don't have this cause I pushed that person away. :/
    mysoulachesforyou mysoulachesforyou 31-35, F 3 Responses Jan 18

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    Wrap me up in what I

    once knew. Believe in what I say is true I never needed you to save me I just needed to feel safe with you Give me what I need so I don't need to be so needy
    angiede angiede 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 21

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    styxc styxc 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 7

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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