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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,502 People

    We fight every night

    for something. When the sun sets were both the same. Half draped in the shadows. Half burned in flames.
    JohnVBlackburn JohnVBlackburn 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 14

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 9

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    Someone should check my posts

    and their dramatic change of emotional stand for explanation of borderline pd.I am much better now.And while my emotional self is still cringing at the abandonment,my rational self finally sees the light at the end of the tunnel,and I get to see the disastrous "diary" entries I...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 14

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    im feeling really funny i dont feel real like

    im just a body around walking around my apartment so tired as usual going to bed is this being disonnected it freaks me out my mond is tired im tired hate being alone i feel like i just cant cope like other people i wan to move away so people wont see my fat body i need a...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 26

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 142 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    hollaem hollaem 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 16

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    I don't understand how I can care

    so deeply about people and then as soon as I feel rejected in any way I cut them off like they don't exist. A big part of me is sad about it and misses them but that's overshadowed by pain and anger. There's so much fear I just go numb and want everyone to **** off. I know I'll...
    ArtemisAncestor ArtemisAncestor 31-35, F 4 Responses Apr 22

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 24 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M Apr 20

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I'm in the hospital again

    after another suicidal freak out last night. My bf restrained me from overdosing. He knocked on my sisters bedroom door and said he needs help because I'm suicidal. My sisters bf basically told us to **** off and my sister didn't even get up to try and help. I know they both had...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    Feeling like everyone is a trigger.

    .. The simplest thing is irritating more than usual. 😩 the weather is too nice for this.
    deleted deleted 26-30 19 hrs ago

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    i cant fet out of this my mood is

    so low i hate this im in a dark painful place i just dont wan tto do this anymorei dont really wan tto talk to anyone i feel so lonely i got up early but i went back to bed as im a bed of hell i just dont care anymore some time si cant face reality i think why go out when you...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 19

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 33 Responses May 8, 2012

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    hello good morning im

    so struggling im so fricken depressed it isnt funny i just cant take it any more i dont wan to live like this my mood is so loww i feel likea kid that cant get out of this i feel likei need help now why doesnt the pain come out i dont understand this i must go out for awalk all...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Apr 20

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    I hate my anxieties. I hate my self destructive

    persona. I hate how I am on the outside. I hate how I am on the inside.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F Apr 25

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    Hey guys, I'm new here,

    so I'm not exactly sure how this goes.. But I figured I'd give it a shot. Here's a little bit about me: My name is Sara, I'm 19 years old, I live with my boyfriend & his family, I work part time, and I have BPD. I've had depression my entire life, although I wasn't diagnosed...
    darling1925 darling1925 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 26

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    The other day, I was in a mood

    and arguing with my husband (as is common anymore) and before I could catch it, I said something pretty awful, even for me. I said, "Lately, I spend most of my time considering suicide just to get out of a relationship with you." I feel like I'm spiralling more and more lately...
    justarandom justarandom 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    does anyone know of or have experienced

    and can explain dissociation in relation to BPD to me? if u don't have an answer don't bother leaving a comment...no bs.
    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 12 Responses Apr 23

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    I'm mostly always mean to people especially my

    mom. I would get irriated and annoyed if she ask me about something that I think it's very obvious and it answers itself or think that is so dumb what's she saying and think that she is stupid. Then I go and start to be sarcastic or to answer in a bad way and ridicule her. I...
    AndreaCulea AndreaCulea 22-25, F 5 days ago

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Has anyone ever been diagnosed with Bipolar

    Disorder, but actually have Borderline Personality Disorder?
    StrangeDisaster StrangeDisaster 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 20

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    im feeling ereally funny

    and sick inside i feel like im not here im in my head i feel likei want to go off the riken deep end i cant feel my emotions ive beena cting fun all day no tears no nothing you go out in the world and and you arent in it very disconnecte ddont feel real i dont know how to deal...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    It gets way worse when I drink.

    Does this happen to anyone else? It's like when I get drunk I completely lost control and act psychotic.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 25

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    people around me don't understand how horrible

    this disorder is. Borderline personality disorder can be and is debilitating. I'm tired of being different. I'm tired of being disconnected. I'm tired of living. sometime i can't get out of the bed. lately it has been worse. I think and fantasize about dying all day everyday...
    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 25

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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