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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,848 People

    I'm taking control of my disorder.

    I'll ride through the emotions it brings me, feel them fully, and let them go as they pass rather than clinging for dear life and desperately attaching to them. I have to take my thoughts, my emotions, and my bodily sensations and say, this is my life. I am in control of it; you...
    nicaea nicaea 22-25, F a week ago

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    Does anybody else here feel

    as though there are two or more of you? One of "me" isa kind loving compassionate outgoing good friend (id like to think) and the other is a self aggressive destructive monster! Apologies in advance if i offend anybody with these words. I feel torn tonight..
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2015

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    Blueborder21 Blueborder21 18-21, F Feb 2

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    My boyfriend has been ignoring me all night.

    I'm scared that he is going to leave me for another woman, who is hid friend. I know that I am not normal, I have tried talking to him but I get no response. The urge to self harm is really overwhelming. Help!
    biffiebabie biffiebabie 36-40, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10, 2015

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    There's a part of me,

    which would like to meet a girl that has BPD just so she can meet a few of my darker needs just because I think the others don't get it. Any girls out there fancy a guy buddy?
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jan 31

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    I am so tired of not being understood

    whatsoever. I feel like there is an insane and massive distance between me and everyone I know. It's like a vast space that just keeps them from knowing and I can't help them navigate it because I get so angry and I am so so tired of being angry. I am tired of feeling like...
    NarcissisticCartman NarcissisticCartman 26-30 6 Responses Jan 26

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    ... Blank ... I feel like

    that sums up me right now. I feel like I'm losing hope.
    Jlb13592 Jlb13592 26-30, M Feb 2

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    Has anyone's moods ever shifted erratically

    for absolutely no clear reason? I would go from being happy for several hours then depressed and emotionally dissonant about something unrelated to what I was happy about and then bitter and angry the next several hours. External events like life stressors and triggers make...
    rainbowsmangos2015 rainbowsmangos2015 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 24, 2015

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    I have a question for those of you

    who have also been given this diagnosis. I was diagnosed about 1.5 years ago, and it has certainly been the worst period of my life. I feel like I'm in a fog, and I can never trust my judgement. I'm completely debilitated by it at the moment. My question: Did you find...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 7 Responses Jan 29

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    Rules for dating someone with Borderline

    Personality Disorder: 1. Do not invalidate our feelings 2. Do not leave us alone for extended periods of time 3. Always make us feel like the number one priority 4. Make plenty of time to spend with us, alone 5. Do not get angry when we fail to see the gray 6. Be supportive 7...
    shoxic shoxic 22-25, F 3 Responses Jun 6, 2015

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 22-25, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 2 Responses May 24, 2014

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 44 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Today Ive been practicing my DBT skills.

    Lifted some weights.. Did some star jumps.. Made a homemade meal instead of takeaway. Used lavender oil to help me relax... Continued to accept myself/thoughts even the darkest ones and be mindful that for one more day BPD hasnt won
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 5 Responses Nov 9, 2015

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    Today, in a lecture, suicide was casually

    mentioned. Wasn't even about humans, was about birds, but I just wasn't mentally prepared. I can deal with reading about that sort of thing on my own terms, but to have it mentioned in a lecture and so casually, it's really triggered something in me. I hate it when people...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 26

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    My head hurts. For the past couple of months my

    symptoms were being triggered by what I suspect to be a narcissist. I was sucked in to his cycle of discard and being placed on pedestal. Or maybe I was swinging between black and white. Well, somewhere between perceiving abandonment and invalidating my emotions I was on a...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 31

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    My boyfriend dumped me

    because I have too many issues. I don't know what to do. I just want to die.
    biffiebabie13 biffiebabie13 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Yes I always stand on Mexican border saying

    hello to different persons...i need Help!!
    Engine9 Engine9 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    It All Makes Sense Now.

    A chance encounter and some independent research resulted in my realization that for the last 5 years my behavior, experiences, and relationships would amount to a textbook example of someone suffering with BPD. The Intensity. The Destruction. The Dysfunction. The Self...
    Missluhvlee Missluhvlee 18-21, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9, 2015

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    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 31

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    I can't live like this forever.

    I'm not in physical danger, but I'm feeling hopeless. Is there reason to hope?
    mymaidenname mymaidenname 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 31

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    I had a friend who I really liked talking to,

    but for a year now, he repulses me and I hate him. I don't have any interest in talking to him anymore. My brain makes me think he's stuck-up and annoying, which makes me feel awful about myself as a person.
    ghostofthesun ghostofthesun 22-25, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    I can go from smart *** to straight sarcasm

    then right back to a normal conversation. Is that a bad thing? I'm being told it is something I need to work on- of course this not from a medical professional.
    Tiredmamaof3 Tiredmamaof3 41-45, F 11 Responses Sep 14, 2015

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    But I'm pretty unique to other Borderlines.

    Anybody else feel alone, even with this?
    leflay leflay 22-25, T 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 46-50, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    There are days I hate my life.

    In other words hating my life is hating my parents, my father in particular. I was my family's scapegoat. Yep, I inherited that dreadful honorable position. Yesterday, I watched "Divergent" for the first time, and I felt exactly like the protagonist. Everyone was able to conform...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Idontwanttosendyouapic Idontwanttosendyouapic 18-21, F 4 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    A few days ago I posted how my head hurts

    and how I have to let ago of a relationship. Also to use it as an opportunity to reflect on my issues. So here goes. The thing that sucks about BPD is when I am feeling emotionally vulnerable, usually due to my environment, my interpersonal relationships takes the hardest hit...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F a week ago

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    Recently diagnosed, learning coping strategies.

    .. Feels like if I even go near the thoughts I'm supposed to challenge, it amplifies them and makes them so scary... I fight against not self harming and I'm proud to say I never have even tho I imagine it must feel great... But when I started trying to manage my thoughts it got...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 31

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    Do you ever notice the closer you get to

    someone (romantically) the stronger your fear of abandonment gets??
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Sep 10, 2015

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    I like to see my blood.

    .. I like to vomit after I drunk a lot of wine and hard liquor... I do not like to eat too much and wrong foods, as medicines make me do... I do not like to see my body far, to do not feel, to feel too much... I want create difficulties in my life, I want to destroy it, myself...
    bpd86it bpd86it 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 27

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I don't have BPD but my (ex) boyfriend may have

    it so coming here to learn. Hopefully that is okay.
    Lann2015 Lann2015 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 31

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    One day I asked the DBT therapist to lead a

    mindfulness activity as a repair for showing up to the previous group late. My individual therapist encouraged me to give an explanation what mindfulness means to me. Here is the explaination: "When I was younger I acquired certain skills that were needed. This enabled me to...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 1

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    i feel so sad and lonely

    and abandoned everyday is the same im afraid to wake up i dont want o do anything anymore today is the first day in 5 days ive done something this illness amakes you feel likeyou hav enoone i think people think im a bum and i looser although i feel that way i dont dress up like...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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