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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,180 People

    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    Well therapy got canceled this morning.

    Therapist texted me to tell me that she accidentally double booked. It was a weird feeling. I normally dread going to therapy but I've been really needing it lately. And to get that text saying that she cancelled. My head got foggy and my vision got dark around the edges...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 2 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    And I have no one in my life to understand.

    Not even my parents, no one really understands what it is like to have BPD. I feel abandoned but I am the real one who pushes people away. I am afraid of getting hurt and to hurt. I try to get to know myself better, so I can protect myself. I am lonely. Last year I couldn't...
    pinkchalk pinkchalk 22-25, F 5 Responses a week ago

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 6 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 2 Responses Jan 11

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    I don't know if this is a BPD thing

    or not but I honestly don't understand social interaction. This might be a Schizotypal Personality Disorder thing (I have that as well) but I honestly don't understand social interaction. If I behave like me I'm frowned upon but if I behave like everyone expects me to be I'm...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 days ago

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 10 Responses Feb 25

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    And I'm poor. I go to a state funded clinic

    (thank GOD for its existence), and only pay $5 for each prescription. However, there are considerable draw-backs to the state funded clinic. They're clearly underfunded and overworked. I'm a considerable side effect with my new medication (lithium) and have been trying to...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F a week ago

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    can't cope with the extremeness of my condition

    and find it so hard to explain this to other people no matter how hard they try to understand they never will and this makes me so angry!!!
    melodi17bpd melodi17bpd 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I've been completely off this week.

    My mother (who's my biggest trigger) came into town doing her usual dishonest antics causing constant upset and paranoia that I'll be just like her. I'm a teacher and school starts on Monday. I'm at a new school so I've been extremely anxious. I'm afraid to talk to my coworkers...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 4 Responses Jul 17

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 6 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 8 Responses Feb 8

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    Got The Diagnosis Today

    I am angry, I am very depressed. In short, I am everything that I have been these past several months since I left my abusive husband (for the last time, but I wonder if anyone believes me). Only now I feel insecure and worthless. The diagnosis of a personality disorder has been...
    StevensMommy StevensMommy 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2013

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 3 Responses Jul 7

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    nellagrr nellagrr 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    I've made several posts with this heading,

    and I'm aware that this might make it hard to follow if looking at multiple posts. However, this is my current focus and all of these articles relate to that very topic. I've been thinking a lot the past few days about where or when my BPD started getting out of control...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I want to be a counselor

    and help kids for a future im 18 tight now suppose to start college in August..My dad is right what kind of counselor scratches her wrist till it bleeds and has mood swings that cant control...and acts differently all the time...college isnt for me :( curently crying in the...
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 6 Responses Jul 11

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    Back to being distant

    and uncaring today. Therapist has been out of town for a week and it will be almost another week before I see them. Been spiraling out of control. Pulled myself out of downward spiral, and now I'm going again. I wish this would just stop. I'm so fed up
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    Just had my first anxiety attack in a while.

    I think mothers day was the last time I had one. Holidays are never good. Usually get one during thanksgiving and Christmas. Not sure what brought this one on though. Just all of a sudden feeling very claustrophobic and couldn't get my breathing under control. Heart beat was...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 4 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    And if there's anything I've learned in reading

    here tonight, it's that I'm most definitely not alone. I feel alone. I feel lost. I'm in a haze. But other people are in it with me. Such a comfort at a time like this.
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 134 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    What a difference a day makes.

    Today I got my diagnosis This morning my knowledge about borderline was somewhat limited. I have had friends who had borderline and those were very turbulent friendships. In some ways I could really relate well with them. The intensity of an emotion, how emotions can sometimes...
    Fireleaf1991 Fireleaf1991 22-25, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    and I have known this

    for quite a while so I have been studying up on it and mostly they say the only true way to manage this is through counseling this is really not an option for me although I would be open to suggestions the more I read about the more I find out that I am typical borderline and...
    catlady496 catlady496 36 1 Response Jul 13

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 7 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Does anyone else feel like some days they don't

    have BPD? You go through a stint of feeling almost ok? Almost normal? Of course it isn't true, but you can pass it off in public? Or does anyone feel like their BPD acts up more around certain people or certain types of relationships? Example: my BPD flares the worst with my...
    Serenity14 Serenity14 26-30, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    BPD Last In Series~common Issues

    To close my Borderline Personality Disorder Series, I wanted to review some common traits and terms relating to BPD. I hope the series was informative and helpful. Some of the information below comes from two books that I highly recommend which are Stop Walking on Eggshells...
    ClinicallyClueless ClinicallyClueless 41-45, F 7 Responses Aug 19, 2008

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    Recently i found out

    that I have BPD. I always knew that something was different with me. My emotions ran me. They are so up and down but not only that, they were so intense. My boyfriend always said i was crazy. I tried to self diagnose thinking i was Bipolar so i went looking for help only to be...
    xchelseydawnx xchelseydawnx 22-25, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    It has been a good couple of days.

    It means no sleep for me but things have been better. I work thirds and have been working overtime the past 2 weeks. All I do is work and sleep. No time for social interaction, my relationship is suffering cuz I'm not dedicating any time to my boyfriend. But the past 2 days I've...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    The other day at my work,

    i was chatting with another staff. She was a little older then me, and was telling me about her daughter who was 8. And everything she told me sounded just like how i was at that age. And she said she had a"mood disorder" but because she was so young they couldn't give her an...
    amsfee amsfee 22-25, F 3 days ago

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    Ever since this year,

    i have been very impulsive, obsessive and irritable. In the past i have self-harmed and undergone dissociative disorder and depersonalization at a small scale, but i was able to control and filter things i said although my mood often swings. Ever since this year however, i have...
    butterfliesndut butterfliesndut 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 12

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    converted converted 46-50, M Jul 13

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    Finally found the man

    who I would love to spend my life with. Gives me more happiness caring and understanding I have ever been given. He try's his best to be understanding of my illness and I love him for it. But at times behind his eyes I see he wishes I was normal. He wishes he could have a normal...
    awmusic awmusic 22-25, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 43 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 22 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I think I have it but my mom isn't taking me to

    a psychologist or anything to diagnose. I could be wrong though.
    WinterSkyout WinterSkyout 16-17, F 8 hrs ago

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    One year anniversary with my boyfriend tomorrow,

    can't believe he's managed to put up with me for a whole year, hope there's more to come, woo for the longest zip wire in the uk tomorrow
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F Jul 14

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    the Baggage Poster "girl"----my Shame

    It all came to light this time last year. It was the first time i had heard this diagnosis on top of my now bi-polor disorder. Whatever... anyway it appears that i am a ******* mess all around. Ive over come and destroyed two marriages and have two beautiful boys. Which they tell...
    LOST27 LOST27 26-30, F 22 Responses Dec 1, 2006

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    Hello, I was recently diagnosed with Borderline

    Personality Disorder. I am really freaking out about it. Since I was 18, I thought I had Bipolar disorder and now I am 25 and they changed my diagnoses to Borderline Personality Disorder. I have not told anyone, because I am not even sure what to say...Any advice? ~Ariel
    LostAriel LostAriel 22-25, F 5 Responses Jul 14

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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