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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,437 People

    Today was quite a roller coaster.

    Fast mood swings from extreme happiness to the lowest of lows all day. I'm beginning to wonder if Wellbutrin stopped working. It really takes every thing out of me and things have been getting worse lately.
    keekzie keekzie 22-25, T 1 Response 2 days ago

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    You know some days Borderline is not

    so bad.Today I am ridiculously ,I am not sure why , happy,and I feel like I am a character from The Sound of Music.The sun is beautiful,the birds are chirping,I can't help not shine out,short of twirling in a meadow ,I feel like I am in a musical. The other days I feel like the...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Feb 14

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    Things are perfect on paper.

    I got enough to be working,doing a bit that I want to,and being able to plan for the future,maybe a masters.I have friends who love me,and people who validate me ,and all those who broke me are away from me.Why can't I just be happy. I have exes who call me,and things I do to...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Feb 20

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    Should I stay in my relationship?

    ! I love this guy more than anything and I wanna be with him forever but I can't seem to get over that fact he'll never have a normal relationship and he'll struggle everyday he's with. I know he loves me but am I just being selfish by wanting to be with him? I'm hurting him...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 16

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    So here is something I figured out.

    borderlines like me, work on either extreme love or extreme hatred, anger and consequent impulsive behaviors for that. Today I was working and found a way to channel my inner hatred /anger or just the feeling want to run and disappear. 1.instead of the mindset of love your work...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 11

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    I really hate it! I have borderline

    and DID and my boyfriend dumped me because of it. OF COURSE I know it's hard sometimes but I've been in therapy and everything and it's very difficult for me to trust people but I just don't know why it is so hard to accept me the way I am.
    Lerione Lerione 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I've never felt like I shouldn't be somewhere

    this bad in my life. Unwelcoming. Outcast. Hated? Waste of space definitely.
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 19

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    Why do I still snap..

    . thought I had it under control...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 2 Responses Feb 11

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    It's extremely difficult to decide what I want

    to do as a career because I don't have much of a sense of self.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F Feb 23

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    i need to vent im feeling angry

    and dark i feel like im not as good everyday is woth i feel like its harder to get through the day ialso feel like i need to vent or flip out im so depressed i dont know whatto fricken do i feel l8ke i dont have a parent i dont like to go out side i went to the denturist...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 17

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 141 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    Ii was diagnosed with BPD a

    while ago.. And i just figured out what it's all about just a few weeks ago.. And it's crazy how i see myself in whatever article i read about it .. So anyway.. I was wondering if anyone one of you was interested in talking about it with me. :)
    xxooxx1986 xxooxx1986 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 14

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    They say if you die suddenly,

    your life flashes before your eyes. I have been slowly dying for close to fifteen years, all I have seen are other people's lives.
    rorenchan rorenchan 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M Feb 18

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    So I had these constant heart aches

    since the morning,and I was looking for cause and cues,and any time when I was actually happy,perfectly happy,and what did I do wrong since then. Then I realize ,I never was.Not that my life has been miserable,I had a good childhood,it is just that I never learned to be not...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    I was recently diagnosed with BPD

    and I'm struggling to come to terms with it.. By that I mean, it hasn't quite sunk in yet. What do I do? What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to feel..
    dte21 dte21 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    If you are never sure

    when you are euphoric,you are actually happy,or when you are devastated you are actually devastated.Or that people in your life mean that much to you,or whether you hate them that much.If you don't know what you believe in for sure,or what you unabashedly don't,because within a...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 22

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    i just need to vent i feel

    so lonely i dont know how to cope qwith this illness im tired i dont even know how to live this fricken life everyday is just a fight for survival mood low i feel a fraid att ime si feel like this is torture im sick and fricken tired of this illnes sim sure you guys feel the...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response a week ago

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    I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder

    with Borderline Traits. Professionals are reluctant to give a full BPD diagnosis because I'm not a cutter and had been able to hold down a job for many years. I am now in my late 4o's. I have suffered with many of the symptoms for most of my life. I have also out grown a few...
    RayneBeauHill RayneBeauHill 46-50, F 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    i dont care i need to vent i could never say

    how im feeling to my sick family abused neglected im so angry insid enobody lets me express myself i dont think i treally like my family i believe they tell lies about me secrets my brother is a sick fricken abusiver bully i dont understand my pain will not going out i think...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Feb 22

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    When I'm in a relationship I feel like the guy

    has a moral obligation to stay with me. My ex left me and it caused me to be suicidal. He broke my heart with no remorse. There was no way for me to change his mind. And then he comes crawling back after I try and move on and haven't spoken to him in at least a months time. As...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 11

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    It's like living in constant fear of--not IF--

    but WHEN the person you love will leave you. It's terrible.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    I've been in therapy

    since last October, and last week my therapist tells me that her contract ends in April. We have not made much progress, having only attempted to gain control of my racing thoughts. She also informed me that I have no "human" emotions and is unsure if I ever will. What am I...
    cgould72 cgould72 41-45, F 3 Responses Feb 14

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    I hate living like this.

    I ruined everything. I ruined Valentine's day. I was trying so hard to be happy but I let someone make me angry, I let myself ruin it. she almost left today and I can't help but wonder if maybe I would be better off alone. I hate what I do to the people that care, but sometimes...
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 1 Response Feb 15

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response 21 hrs ago

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    i need to vent feeling down ive been feeling

    severly depressed i talked to my a hole brother tonite he startewd councelling wanting to take his anger out on me saying the family cant handle4 me causer its all the same i vnever want to see that persob in my life anymor ehes a creep cant look at hoim self i wanted to end my...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 21

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses