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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,465 People

    Love and Courage!! For us

    that have made it so far.Unbowed.Undefeated.Not giving up,just yet. Invictus Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Mar 13

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 7 hrs ago

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 9

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    You know when you just have those days

    when you just break? You can't fake it anymore? Today was that day for me. I was going to attempt suicide last night because I got rejected by people who I thought were my friends, but stopped myself after 8 pills. Today I had the emotional hangover from that with the added...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 20

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    Borderline gets treated.

    Med makers profit. Borderline aint there yet. But they give us meds. That push us beyond. Why not cure the causes. Oh. Right. Profit not cure.
    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 2 Responses Mar 12

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I'm writing this in an effort to reach out

    and make sense of what's happening inside. At times I feel completely normal and then sometimes I feel batshit crazy, all within a few minutes. I haven't been formally diagnosed with BPD, but I'm 99.9% sure it's what I have. I fit all the criteria for it. I'm extremely self...
    adub2222 adub2222 31-35, M 3 Responses Mar 16

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    So many times I've read people here

    that are having difficulties with their relationships and I so feel for the pain and confusion they're in. I've been through my own and so has my wife but the wonderful part is we've seen our way through to the other side and it is wonderful to be able to do that for her and for...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M Mar 18

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    im not sure why im writing everydat i find is

    hell and struggling i do not feel connected i have therapy to day at mental heath i dtread going ouy there is in a badf s[pot im severly depressed i cant handle this anymore but reALLY IF I GO OUT THERE THEY DONT DO NOTHING FOR ME I CANNOT SEE AWAY OUT I DONT WANT TO BE AROUND...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    So a friend of mine (who is not bpd) on EP said

    this about me, "It's like sometime you want to talk but other times you are like in another dimension and ignoring everyone." I dissociate and I tend to withdraw.I am an in-acting borderline.It is like being in a glass shell that catches fire,or the oxygen dies of once a while...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    I only found out that I had this diagnosis

    when I requested access to my medical notes. I had been diagnose with BPD for a long time and no one told me. I was initially diagnosed with depression and my treatment team and hospital staff were very kind then. Once I was diagnosed with BPD people seemed to think that I...
    LinkinParkMuse LinkinParkMuse 26-30, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    i dont know why im writing im in

    so much dark mental agony i dont wan to face the world so rage i hatew the way i feel nothing helps i get up then go to be dagain my mood is so low im so fricken miserable no tears no nothing just fat ugly im tired as im over weight im shameful to go out itd just how im feeling...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 20

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    ... And I desperately need someone to talk to

    who understands the need to flee their problems. When they can't run from themselves. I AM my problems. ASAP. Please!!!!!
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 4 Responses Mar 23

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    im not feeling well in

    so much pain i awear i did it to myself fricken depressed and the pain doesnt come out when and got my hair done look so fine but your rotting insid ei feel like im screaming insid eid idnt go to therapy yesterday as i hate mentasl health i hate me i couldnt stop eating...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 10

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    It's so hard to get out of bed in the mornings

    when you have no idea how your day could go. I wake up like a blank slate and then whoever I spend my time with tends to define how I feel for the day, and that sucks so badly. I wish I were more in control. I know that maybe one day I will be, but it scares me that if somebody...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    i really dont know much to say except im tired

    of life getting up everyday today i deceded to clean my house i told my mom i cant talk to her right now as i just cant be in her life right now i have so many issues eating issues not wanting to get out of the house i think i just dont like my home town i always just have to...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 23

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    Today is one of "those" days.

    I feel ugly, stupid, pathetic, meaningless to anyone, looked over, not cared about and like everyone is looking at me thinking that I'm crazy. I hate these days. The feelings are so intense
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    I'm at a weekend away with a club I'm part of,

    and someone when they were drunk said "No one likes you Amber, you should just leave." I know that if I think about this logically, he was drunk, and we have spoken about it and he said he didn't mean it. But the thing is, I already believe that about myself, and for someone to...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 2 days ago

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    I want to die. I'm so well informed about how

    borderline behavior seeps into my every waking moment that I have started to second guess every feeling I have. Am I allowed to be angry at my husband or am I just being mean? Am I being insensitive or do I actually deserve some quiet time to space out and play on my phone...
    jennaporter jennaporter 36-40, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    My borderline personality disorder has made me

    see the havoc I cause in people's lives and I'm regretting things I've done. I completely slandered my ex when I was splitting and exaggerated everything making it sound horrendous. Can I fix this? And how? I was wrong about everything I said to my friends and family and made...
    mconner1030 mconner1030 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 15

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    I've had this account

    since 2011, and I abandoned it for a long time. I was in therapy for about a year, where I learned to lie really well and cover it up if I did drugs or cut. I was a "model participant" in group therapy. I inspired a lot of the girls that I was in group with, which is cool...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 9

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    One of the symptoms of BPD is an unstable sense

    of self, and I hate it so much. My self worth literally changes depending on who I'm with. Someone who used to be my best friend used my mental health against me, she said I was interpreting her behaviour wrong like i had in the past, but this time it was her being mean, and...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    I could really use and appreciate some help,

    your experience and input. I'm studying BPD psychopathology and there is something that is so conflicting for me. I'm really struggling with the accuracy of what I'm reading. It's not my experience or belief. Here it is: "Mentalization is the ability to interpret the...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M 6 Responses Mar 13

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 141 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    How do I know if I'm really ruining life's?

    I'm causing people pain just by being me by being alive. They all say suicide is wrong but if I'm that bad then why is it not acceptable?
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 18

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    Let's create a resource thread.

    So many times I feel isolated and don't know where to turn for help. Maybe we can all band together and share our resources for getting treatment or managing our disorder. Websites: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills__defined_.html Books: Mindfulness for Borderline...
    IamLisaSimpson IamLisaSimpson 26-30, F 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    most of the ppl who say the are bpd

    and not been diagnose by a professional. ive taken a lot of test , and it comes up that i have strong indicators of it , they confirmed i do have depression and along with my bulimia, it would make a lot more sense than if i had bipolar 2. The only symptom i dont have is the...
    WhiteRice14 WhiteRice14 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    This is my first time posting on EP,

    so bear with me. Also, keep in mind that doctors and therapists are not 100% of my BPD diagnosis-- I also have dissociation, ADHD, and panics. If you mix those with my depression, anger, riskiness, and self-injury, it appears to be Borderline. As early as age 5, I would have...
    DepressedDemigod DepressedDemigod 22-25, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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