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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,254 People

    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Well it helped one person

    so might help so of you others! The BPD song for all of us! lol https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NJDNjsc7nRA
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Just got out of my second stint in the hospital.

    This time my parents said they weren't gonna foot the bill and put me on welfare... Ever since I've been diagnosed with BPD my family treats me like I have something contagious like AIDS or the ebola virus, even my gf said adios. Living by myself now, no job, no friends. Kinda...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Aug 14

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 6 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    I can't stand it anymore.

    .. all the emotional turmoil and chaos... I'm getting to the point where I don't even think other's with BPD understand how I feel! Yeah I can hope all I want for someone that try's to understand or at least tolerate me, the longer this goes on it seems the possibility of that...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 2 Responses Aug 18

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    Off the medicine I'm not sure

    now I feel about my choice..
    emoscreamo101 emoscreamo101 13-15, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Its actually quite fascinating

    when you learn the gears behind BPD. Knowledge is the key. Reset your minds and start again. Learn how to live with BPD now that you are given the chance.
    TommieLee TommieLee 22-25 1 Response Aug 14

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    My personal relationships are toxic

    and my emotions and reactions are out of control. I've known for a long time something is not quite right inside of me and I can't control alot of it, so last night I told my mum I think I may have Borderline Personality Disorder. Being completely supportive she's told me that...
    megjane18 megjane18 18-21, F 4 Responses Aug 24

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    the Baggage Poster "girl"----my Shame

    It all came to light this time last year. It was the first time i had heard this diagnosis on top of my now bi-polor disorder. Whatever... anyway it appears that i am a ******* mess all around. Ive over come and destroyed two marriages and have two beautiful boys. Which they tell...
    LOST27 LOST27 26-30, F 22 Responses Dec 1, 2006

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 10 Responses Feb 25

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    Went to see my shrink today

    and after 4 long years am finally down to ONLY one pill a day!! Yeah, the pills make me feel normal..but at the same time it feels so fake! They're gonna make me take another personality test (mmpi-2) though..that sux! (at least they're not still doing the Rorschach lol...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    This has always made me feel better

    and always seems to apply... Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths, Enwrought with golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half light, I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 1 Response Aug 21

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    Got The Diagnosis Today

    I am angry, I am very depressed. In short, I am everything that I have been these past several months since I left my abusive husband (for the last time, but I wonder if anyone believes me). Only now I feel insecure and worthless. The diagnosis of a personality disorder has been...
    StevensMommy StevensMommy 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2013

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    **** this... Do half you *******

    that claim you have BPD even know what the **** it is? It's no ******* joke... all people to people with BPD is kick'em when they're down... You can say we run to alcohol! You can say we run to drugs... It's cuz when we run to anyone else for help all there is, is rejection...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Aug 21

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    Going to therapy about suspected BPD,

    What questions should I expect?
    megjane18 megjane18 18-21, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 136 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    It's kinda sad to read these other

    "experiences" of people who have dated someone with BPD. I guess thinking about it from their perspective it is a bit overwhelming to date someone with BPD, let's face it, it's a disorder, plain and simple. I also lost the love of my life, I said so many horrible things to her...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Aug 15

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    Or so I think. But don't we all?

    Life has become increasingly difficult by my standards and it's just enough to not make me want to excel at anything fruitful or have the motivation to follow up with my deepest ambitions. Many of which are shrouded by the present and my way of thinking: extreme. And hey! I'm...
    Keldeo Keldeo 22-25 1 Response Aug 18

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    Oh my god guys I just freaked out at my

    boyfriend I hate myself so much right now Why can't this go away >.< I can't deal with this I'm so sad i freaked out at him and yelled at him he thinks I hate him :'(
    emoscreamo101 emoscreamo101 13-15, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 7 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    I've been having a real ****** time being happy.

    Not exactly sure I feel like writing. I just know I haven't been doing that well.
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 3 Responses a week ago

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    I have been crying for two days straight.

    I have been sleeping all day because I exhaust myself with my thoughts. Now I can't sleep at night. I have also been very angry with my boyfriend. I yell at him to leave me a lone but I won't let him leave the house. I feel helpless right now. I'm also not eating. I feel a...
    stephaniekaye stephaniekaye 26-30, F 3 days ago

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    Hmmm..stay on the meds

    or get off them? I'm going through that question right now.. Am down to one a day (from a high of 6 after every meal, 18 a day). I want to quit the meds but at the same time it's scary, I feel like as the synthetic "normality" wears off I'm becoming a darker person. It could be...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 5 days ago

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    I got diagnosed about 3-4 years ago I can't

    really recall, cause when I got diagnosed was the first time that I checked myself into a Psych Ward. I was more worried about other things than that, I had lost the love of my life and it hurt like hell I just wanted to cut and cut and cut again. Something about that feeling of...
    Beatles22 Beatles22 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 21

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    It's been a rough couple of months

    for me and my BPD has been in high gear. I know it's there and it's not only making my life hard, but everyone around me as well...my daughter, my boyfriend and his 2 girls as well. There has been a lot of stress and change lately with moving to a different state, finances...
    Serenity14 Serenity14 26-30, F 5 Responses Aug 20

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I need people the way alcoholics need

    alcohol It's taken me a long time to come to that understanding, but it's the truth. The BPD side of me craves validation and attention with the same ferocity that an alcoholic craves alcohol. It's not a healthy craving, because healthy cravings can be happily satisfied for a...
    AnxietyReactor AnxietyReactor 36-40, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    Everything in my life ive messed up,

    sick of feeling the way I do. Meds just mask the way I am. The reality is I either learn how to live with it or give up
    cleef84 cleef84 26-30, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I could so use some help

    and advice if some of you could take the time to try and help someone who is suffering and needs the help. GUILT IS TO THE SPIRIT...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 18-21, F 1 Response 59 mins ago

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I feel like I'm spinning out of control.

    I'm making actions, taking risks that aren't safe or right for me to be doing. There's a chance it could lead to bigger things that could get me in a lot of trouble. And yet when I do them, I feel like I have no choice. But I guess reckless behaviour is to be expected. Maybe I'm...
    NoraDysphoria NoraDysphoria 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Feeling not depressed

    but weird.. just finished watching Halloween (2007 remake) for some reason feels like me in that mental hospital.. those kind of places only make you worse, drawing yourself deeper and deeper into your shell everyday you are there. More angry toward society, other people, your...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I have been crying for two days straight.

    I have been sleeping all day because I exhaust myself with my thoughts. Now I can't sleep at night. I have also been very angry with my boyfriend. I yell at him to leave me a lone but I won't let him leave the house. I feel helpless right now. I'm also not eating. I feel a...
    stephaniekaye stephaniekaye 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    I have Borderline Personalitч Disorder,

    these past few weeks have been at its worst. I have attempted suicide twice & failed, and currentlч still self harm, I live with mч boчfriend & his mum dad & brother. They know of my depression now as i was in the psych ward for the sucidial attempts, I see home treatment...
    BeBeautiful95 BeBeautiful95 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 19

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    Last week was so rough

    for me. It was truly manic. I cried for about 4 days straight and literally wanted to die. I felt that everyone at work could tell I was crazy and were talking about me. Then I forgot to pick up my prescription so that made it even worse. But it has passed and now I'm feeling...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 3 Responses a week ago

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