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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,663 People

    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    OMG emotional roller coaster im

    so fucken drained. I was obviously to happy/manic today n now here comes the come down grrr!!!!. im so mad upset n exausted at the same time. can you seriously not just let me be happy for 1 whole day!!!!
    LJglasgow LJglasgow 26-30, F 6 Responses Aug 18

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    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is

    being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have love addiction,you chase men like a drug,you fall for the ones who you know can't love you,yet you trade sex for a connect.And break down when it...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses May 8

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 9 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    In some romantic or sexual situations

    when the person lets u down easily do u end up just spinning in this deep hole of loneliness?? Which then makes u reach out to them and makes them run because then u seem needy and clingy. anyone have this problem?? or anything similar??
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 3 Responses Aug 18

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    I have not been diagnosed officially,

    but both my psycholigist and psychiatrist believe that I have a personality disorder. My psycholigist thinks it may be Bi-Polar II but does not want to make a diagnosis until I am through the grieving process. Reading up on and looking at the boards on various sites and reading...
    Myzery Myzery 31-35, F 2 Responses Aug 21

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    Tattooedgirl864 Tattooedgirl864 31-35 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    morganza504 morganza504 36-40 Aug 18

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10

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    I think because of bpd,

    when I experience any thoughts of judgments against myself, they are magnified by ten. The father of my three children is engaged to be married. I want to be genuinely happy for him because he is a good father and man. My thoughts are attacking each other. Half my thoughts...
    ms5271115 ms5271115 36-40, F 2 Responses Aug 20

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    I was just in emotion mind RAGE,

    ANGER.. everyone in my path got a taste of it and I didn't care. I get fed up with being ran all over sometimes and I explode! People need to learn to stay away from me when Im in that state. I feel kinda bad now.
    ms5271115 ms5271115 36-40, F 5 days ago

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    would it be a good idea to meet other BPD?

    after I learn that I hv BPD, I found that I am not the only one.. but every one seems to be just a online name.. never knew anyone around me who has it.. how real could these people be? i just feel so alone..
    arachmichel arachmichel 26-30, F 5 Responses Aug 12

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 9

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    My mother and her family emotionally abused me

    until I was in my early twenties. Therefore I often feel worthless, like I was born a bad person, and that no one likes/cares about me. I was diagnosed almost 9 years ago. My older sister was borderline and killed herself 6 years ago. BPD sucks and I'm really tired of losing...
    OnyxOrOrion OnyxOrOrion 26-30, F 3 Responses Aug 18

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    i dont feel like writng

    as nothing seems to help im having trouble getting up to face the day dont feel like showering yesterday was different the nothing helps i feel nothing i geel like nothing so lonely i feel likeim stubborn just dont want to the work anymor eits too hard im tired of this anyone...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 6 days ago

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    you make me feel like hell could be a relief

    from all the grief and the abandonment and the loss that i feel from you.
    angiede angiede 26-30, F Aug 12

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    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self...
    ReachingNirvana ReachingNirvana 22-25, M 5 Responses Jun 2, 2014

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    WindsomeFlurry WindsomeFlurry 26-30 6 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    I was diagnosed with bpd over a year ago.

    I am currently dealing with a flood of self judgment after finding out my kids father is engaged now I am struggling to not make this about me. I can't even type right now because I have a lot of distractions around me and in my mind. This too shall pass.
    ms5271115 ms5271115 36-40, F 1 Response Aug 19

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    "To love is a dangerous path

    for me." —Michael (Me)
    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 9 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Yeah I remember why I don't let myself feel

    for ppl. Ppl will always cause you pain. It's best to just wall yourself up and stay in your cell alone and lonely. It's a duller pain. Anyone else feel this way??
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 3 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I think one of the hardest parts about 'having

    borderline' (I say it like this because you are of course not defined by it) is that you have this chronic feeling of inadequacy. This of course makes you prone to being jealous and obsessive. I absolutely hate it....I never want to ever get into a relationship again as I know...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I hate this ******* disorder!

    I hate getting attached to people, I hate feeling lonely and unwanted, I hate being so needy. I just want someone to look after me but my social anxiety is so bad and I get so irritated with people that I feel like I'll never even make friends.
    princesabecca princesabecca 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 16

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    Do any of you guys find yourself easily

    obsessed with subjects, ppl, objects. places ect. ??
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 25 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    Question- has anyone found any good coping

    strategies that help them deal with BPD ?
    LJglasgow LJglasgow 26-30, F 3 Responses Aug 20

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    I hate this feelings.

    Idk what's triggering all these bad feelings in me today but I wish I never woke up from my sleep. I just wanna be alone but I wanna talk. I feel hatred but then again I don't. I wanna hit something but I don't wanna hurt anything myself.~ I just wanna cry and vent but I really...
    xMellowButterflyx xMellowButterflyx 18-21, F 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    The more research I do

    and have become self aware. I've starting seeing things falling into place. Like one huge major thing for me is I have always wondered why it is that I will always date 3, 4, 5, 6, men all at one time. I've often wondered why? These men are planning a life with me usually end up...
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 4 Responses Aug 11

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    Calamityy Calamityy 22-25, M 1 Response Aug 10

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    Nothingness!!! I woke up to flat,

    numb, nothingness. As much as I hate being manic or on a really bad low I think id rather have either of them right now. This feeling or lack of feeling I really cant handle, I hate this and I dont know how to deal with it!!!
    LJglasgow LJglasgow 26-30, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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