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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,167 People

    The symptoms of this personality disorder are

    proving true. And it feels like it's out of my control. I'm very grateful and appreciative of the things around me, consciously. But this part of looks for chaos and crisis in everything. This part of my is unable to see the good and when a stable scenario is encountered it...
    NoraDysphoria NoraDysphoria 18-21, F Jul 14

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    And I have no one in my life to understand.

    Not even my parents, no one really understands what it is like to have BPD. I feel abandoned but I am the real one who pushes people away. I am afraid of getting hurt and to hurt. I try to get to know myself better, so I can protect myself. I am lonely. Last year I couldn't...
    pinkchalk pinkchalk 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    converted converted 46-50, M Jul 13

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Living with this disorder is not something I am

    proud of. All my life I have pushed people away because I can not control my emotions. I am absolutely terrified to meet new people but at the same time I want to meet them because I wish someone was there for me sometimes. This disorder causes me to panic, cry, laugh, and every...
    ForeverLostPoet ForeverLostPoet 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 7

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    Ever since this year,

    i have been very impulsive, obsessive and irritable. In the past i have self-harmed and undergone dissociative disorder and depersonalization at a small scale, but i was able to control and filter things i said although my mood often swings. Ever since this year however, i have...
    butterfliesndut butterfliesndut 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 12

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 7 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 10 Responses Feb 25

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    And I'm bipolar with ADHD

    and Psychosis. I take meds and I feel pretty good but I notice that my mood swings now are circumstantial. I find it difficult to cope with life. My biggest problems are not having a job and not having any friends. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and he's...
    Roxvox Roxvox 31-35, F 1 Response 18 hrs ago

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    I've made several posts with this heading,

    and I'm aware that this might make it hard to follow if looking at multiple posts. However, this is my current focus and all of these articles relate to that very topic. I've been thinking a lot the past few days about where or when my BPD started getting out of control...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    hello , I been in a relation with woman has

    borderline personality disorder .. It ended in the most painful way to me , I can't get over it , she just abandoned me gradually until suddenly never replied or returned my contact attempts , no reason given , no explanation , and not even "leave me alone you son of a bit...
    xthedreamerx xthedreamerx 41-45, M 4 Responses Jul 16

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    I saw a Psych (the 4th in the last 4 months)

    and he said it might be a good idea to put me on mood stabilisers. Which in itself is fine but what bothers me is that I'm already on Venlafaxine, Sulpiride & Diazepam. I don't want to be on anymore medication. I didn't want to be on the ones I'm on now. He suggested perhaps...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 Jul 10

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    nellagrr nellagrr 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    I've been completely off this week.

    My mother (who's my biggest trigger) came into town doing her usual dishonest antics causing constant upset and paranoia that I'll be just like her. I'm a teacher and school starts on Monday. I'm at a new school so I've been extremely anxious. I'm afraid to talk to my coworkers...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 8 Responses Feb 8

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 1 Response Jun 3

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 43 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    And if there's anything I've learned in reading

    here tonight, it's that I'm most definitely not alone. I feel alone. I feel lost. I'm in a haze. But other people are in it with me. Such a comfort at a time like this.
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 6 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 134 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I was officially diagnosed about 8 years ago

    when I was 21 but of course I've had it for much longer time. Since my childhood I'd always been very moody, capricious, prone to all kinds of extreme things etc. I've had so many suicide attempts that I've lost count (ashamed to admit it). But for over 1.5 years I've been...
    maajake maajake 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 2

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    can't cope with the extremeness of my condition

    and find it so hard to explain this to other people no matter how hard they try to understand they never will and this makes me so angry!!!
    melodi17bpd melodi17bpd 18-21, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    One year anniversary with my boyfriend tomorrow,

    can't believe he's managed to put up with me for a whole year, hope there's more to come, woo for the longest zip wire in the uk tomorrow
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F Jul 14

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    the Baggage Poster "girl"----my Shame

    It all came to light this time last year. It was the first time i had heard this diagnosis on top of my now bi-polor disorder. Whatever... anyway it appears that i am a ******* mess all around. Ive over come and destroyed two marriages and have two beautiful boys. Which they tell...
    LOST27 LOST27 26-30, F 22 Responses Dec 1, 2006

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    Borderline ruins my life.

    I'm almost 15 and at least here in Sweden you have to be 18 to get diagnosed with Borderline. But I do have it. I'm sure. They even say I do and I'm actually going to get help for it in form of DBT therapy. I hate it... ugh Don't know how to deal with it.
    paradiseisbroken paradiseisbroken 13-15, F Jul 10

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    That feeling of rejection you get

    when you know a message you've sent someone has been seen but they don't reply. Why do I have to feel these emotions so intensely?
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 1 Response Jul 6

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    So they say. And by they,

    I mean the drs, psychiatrists, and counselors. I think it's a bullshit diagnosis and I refuse to believe it. These doctors can take anyone and convince them of having this or that. Well how about this; everyone is fooking different. NO ONE is normal, what the fook is normal...
    Blackfish510 Blackfish510 18-21 2 Responses Jul 7

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    Got The Diagnosis Today

    I am angry, I am very depressed. In short, I am everything that I have been these past several months since I left my abusive husband (for the last time, but I wonder if anyone believes me). Only now I feel insecure and worthless. The diagnosis of a personality disorder has been...
    StevensMommy StevensMommy 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2013

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    What a difference a day makes.

    Today I got my diagnosis This morning my knowledge about borderline was somewhat limited. I have had friends who had borderline and those were very turbulent friendships. In some ways I could really relate well with them. The intensity of an emotion, how emotions can sometimes...
    Fireleaf1991 Fireleaf1991 22-25, F 7 hrs ago

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 6 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F Jul 10

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    I was never diagnosed with BPD

    but I feel I do have it. I have been reading about it and after reading many of your own testimonies I am convinced this is what I have. It's been a while since I've written a story in this forum, a little over a year, and that is because I felt my BPD was doing better. Not...
    Serenity14 Serenity14 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    And I'm poor. I go to a state funded clinic

    (thank GOD for its existence), and only pay $5 for each prescription. However, there are considerable draw-backs to the state funded clinic. They're clearly underfunded and overworked. I'm a considerable side effect with my new medication (lithium) and have been trying to...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 2 days ago

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    Back to being distant

    and uncaring today. Therapist has been out of town for a week and it will be almost another week before I see them. Been spiraling out of control. Pulled myself out of downward spiral, and now I'm going again. I wish this would just stop. I'm so fed up
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Hello, I was recently diagnosed with Borderline

    Personality Disorder. I am really freaking out about it. Since I was 18, I thought I had Bipolar disorder and now I am 25 and they changed my diagnoses to Borderline Personality Disorder. I have not told anyone, because I am not even sure what to say...Any advice? ~Ariel
    LostAriel LostAriel 22-25, F 5 Responses Jul 14

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    BPD Last In Series~common Issues

    To close my Borderline Personality Disorder Series, I wanted to review some common traits and terms relating to BPD. I hope the series was informative and helpful. Some of the information below comes from two books that I highly recommend which are Stop Walking on Eggshells...
    ClinicallyClueless ClinicallyClueless 41-45, F 7 Responses Aug 19, 2008

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 2 Responses Jan 11

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    I'm not quite sure whether I have one

    or not but I have this symptoms: 1. I feel like most of the times I feel nothing unless anger and sadness and hurt. Sometimes I'll laugh but in a second I'll feel nothing at all. 2. I always think about dying because I hate myself 3. I'll be faithful and infatuated by this...
    ayamaxx ayamaxx 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 3 Responses Jul 7

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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