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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,589 People

    I really really need someone with BPD to talk

    to. I'd go to my "friends" but I'll hear the same thing, and none of them know that I have BPD.
    danadanes danadanes 18-21, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    So I'm due on Friday to get a diagnosis

    for what I'm sure will be borderline personally disorder. When I was younger I had a psychiatric assessment done and borderline was suggested but that I was to young for them to diagnose me being 17 at the time. Now 24 and a lot of unstable relationships later I'm determined to...
    Livingwithbpd Livingwithbpd 22-25, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    It's not in my plans to "have" this condition

    forever. I will keep working on myself but today I'm just wondering how many more friendships will I lose and how many more chaotic relationships until I conquer this ? I sort of just lost someone very important today, the girl I am in love with, but we were just friends. She...
    DifferentbyNature DifferentbyNature 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 13

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    anyone with bpd on certain meds?

    im 40mg daily on prozac but i still have radical shift in mood and behavior so should i be on a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic?
    bloodyborgiabastard bloodyborgiabastard 26-30, M 5 Responses Jun 16

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 9 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    There's nothing worse

    than trying to be happy, when ur not happy. Trying to be okay, when's nothings okay. Trying to live when everything makes you suffocate. Wanting to live but not being able 2. Having... you can't trust. Holding a knife to your wrist but can't cut. Realizing ur ****** up and...
    kayleisma kayleisma 22-25, F 3 Responses Jun 20

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is

    being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have love addiction,you chase men like a drug,you fall for the ones who you know can't love you,yet you trade sex for a connect.And break down when it...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses May 8

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 24 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I haven't been diagnosed with borderline

    personality but I know my behaviour isn't normal. I have an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. As a teenager I was anorexic, and I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. Three suicide attempts But I'm still here and I'm walking in the darkness of...
    busybrain busybrain 26-30, F 3 Responses Jun 18

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    No matter how normally we behave; no matter how

    much love , care and respect, the moment they know we have BPD, they choose to protect themselves and run away from us. Medications stabilises us. Why are we looked at differently?
    deceptiveoutofcloset deceptiveoutofcloset 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    What an awful existence.

    A combination of childhood traumas and inherited brain chemistry, making one sad sack of a human being. Always jumping to the worst conclusion, always a wreck. How is it that I'm 29 and married to my best friend? Why would he put up with me for all these years?! I have good days...
    BigBaddaBoom BigBaddaBoom 26-30, F Jun 26

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    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self...
    ReachingNirvana ReachingNirvana 22-25, M 5 Responses Jun 2, 2014

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    It's as if I'm drowning in a sea of pain.

    I don't understand anything when it comes to this disorder. I don't understand why it has to make us feel the way we do. I know we all deal with rejection poorly (to put it lightly) but for some reason it hits me especially hard. Anytime i have tried to flirt with a girl and...
    ginganinja33 ginganinja33 18-21, M 1 Response a week ago

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    I'm sitting here on my own sipping wine

    straight out the bottle, with the television playing in the background. I can feel a rage bubbling inside of me, I feel angry, hurt and let down by certain people. These are the people who are supposed to care for me, but they show me no love. I'm tired of being alone, I...
    busybrain busybrain 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 26

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    Me and my mum clash! She thinks I'm attention

    seeking, needy and self absorbed. I resent my mum, she brought me into this world against my will, and she shows me no love. I have never felt wanted or loved. Around her I feel on edge, I can never live up to her expectations and no matter how hard I try I can never be...
    busybrain busybrain 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 22

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    I'm obsessed with a man in a different country

    who doesn't want me so I'm intent on ruining his life.
    janiegirlUK janiegirlUK 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 25

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    I'm blowing everyone off.

    "I can't stay out late again." "I need to clean my room." "I'm not hungry." "I have stuff to do." "I want to come, but I don't know if I can." Bullshit. I'm just retreating back into my shell. I'm hiding. I don't want to blame it on the disorder, but then I'm stuck blaming it...
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, T 5 days ago

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I think I should just die.

    No one gets alone with the real me. I have 1 friend and am losing a lover... * sigh*
    StarStealingGirl StarStealingGirl 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    Just found out that I have Histronic P.

    O. not the bipolar I've been taking meds for years for. So down. What a mess I've become and what a fricken fool I've made over the years of myself.
    shaymenae shaymenae 46-50, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I'm in this state of euphoria at the moment

    where everything is going to be okay and I'm going to get a job and find somebody who'll love me but I'm lying to myself and i know deep down I'm really quite sad
    snowflxke snowflxke 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 14

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    The days are getting harder.

    And now that I have moved back into my mother's house... I find that I cannot control my anger and temper. I have never been an angry person so this sensation is new to me. Being surrounded by my mom and my sister who are both verbally abusive make me want to claw my eyeballs...
    anderablack anderablack 18-21, M 1 Response Jun 22

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    Okay, so I did it. I did the "right" thing.

    I did not get drunk, I did not cut. I took my meds like a nice compliant teenager... And now, I'm tired and cranky because that's what they do to me. I might not kill myself tonight, and I might not have done the "wrong" thing. But I still don't feel good about it.
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, T 4 Responses Jun 21

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    I feel empty when I am bored.

    I don't have a strong sense of identity or purpose. I hate this feeling.
    CrazyDaisyeee CrazyDaisyeee 18-21, F Jun 22

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    i think sometimes i was better not knowing i

    had all these -isms. i am tired of feeling broken and not worthy. i have to talk myself up every day sometimes hundreds of times a day and it just is monotonous. i have a husband who is just as sick as me but is in denial. the kids just moved out yesterday upon his insistence...
    LITVET LITVET 41-45, F 17 hrs ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 142 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    So, I wake up to find out my mom stopped my

    therapy. Told them I didn't need it anymore. I have bpd, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, ptsd, and 2 eating disorders.. I need my therapy. Why the hell would you do that? Stupid *****.
    Suicidekisses Suicidekisses 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 9

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    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 12 Responses Apr 23

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