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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,366 People

    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29

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    I am so anxious right

    now that I could literally just go into the bathroom and cry. I can't do holidays..
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    One of my hobbies: listen to "hurt" by "nine

    inch nails" and cut myself.
    DustInTheWind92 DustInTheWind92 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 17

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    not sharing my life story

    but i cant see my girlfriend because it's long distance and i keep worrying she's deliberately putting off seeing me. another friend followed me and I talk to her regularly so i'm confused it sounds petty and silly but does she want anything to do with me anymore? I'm...
    weirdbug weirdbug 18-21, F 2 hrs ago

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    Just got officially diagnosed with it (though I

    had some idea of possibly having it for some time now). It's like having two personalities: one child and one adult. One day I'll want to smother my boyfriend due to his incessant snoring. The next day if he's late coming late from work, I'd be worried he got in an accident and...
    Kckiss88 Kckiss88 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    i really wanna kill her!

    !!! i want her to disappear.. as i cant make her to leave my life. or i should end mine.
    arachmichel arachmichel 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 17

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    That moment when you're at the beach in a hotel

    with friends and you just feel like crying non stop and feel very socially anxious. That is what it means to have BPD with depression.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response a week ago

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I was super happy because my fam is going to

    see the lights in the city. On the way there i was the only one singing Christmas carols and seemed exiceted. I soon began to feel super sad. Started crying and now I don't know if I'll enjoy myself
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F Dec 13

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    I need to cut. I need to cut.

    I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 3 Responses Dec 13

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    I had a sucky day today.

    :/ I woke up and was fine. But I got a little wary a few hours later and stayed that way the rest of the day. I posted a pic on my face book of myself and peoe were saying mean things. It kinda stuck with me. I wanted to take it down but kept it up. I was also very anxious today...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 3 Responses Dec 16

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    I'm not for sure if I have it

    or not. I suspect that I do after skimming through a psych text book for nurses. I took a couple tests online and it says that I should probably get a professional evaluation for a proper diagnosis. At least I'm a step closer to figuring out why I am depressed and feel the...
    Philli8807 Philli8807 26-30, F 4 Responses Dec 14

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 1

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 138 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I am getting married tomorrow.

    . And I just found out all my episodes.. Suicidal experiences, depressions could be related to BPD.. My fiancé is supportive, he said now we know what it is, we could go back to your psychiatrist and seek help.. This is going to be my second marriage.. And I already left more...
    arachmichel arachmichel 26-30, F 4 Responses Dec 13

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I'm a dramatic person.

    I used to think its because I'm an artist but then I got diagnosed. It made everything so clear, all the pieces fell into place. When I love someone or something- I give my all. When my heart breaks (which happens a lot)- it crushes. Sometimes it feels like a blessing, but more...
    DustInTheWind92 DustInTheWind92 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 16

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    Merry Christmas guys!

    ! Enjoy your day!
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 2 Responses Sep 7

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    I self diagnosed about a year ago

    and regardless of my efforts it took that long to get a real diagnosis, which I just received. It was such a huge relief in some ways and more stressful in others. Now it is in the front ground and something I have to take responsibility for. I have seen bpd effect every...
    Pchipsnbrips Pchipsnbrips 22-25, F Dec 20

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    do your parents or any friends

    or coworker or boss or teacher know that you hv BPD?
    arachmichel arachmichel 26-30, F 5 Responses Dec 17

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    I had finally found somebody to love me.

    She accepted me for who i was, for all my problems and my flaws. i felt so normal when i was talking to her. She made me feel alive. I loved her with every fiber of my being. When i finally got to see her it was like a dream. Come true. And now she doesn't want to be with me. I...
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 3 Responses Dec 16

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    I'm so sick of life. I'm like literally sick.

    I feel nauseated just at the thought of living. But I am alive. I think? I mean I don't feel alive. I feel like I'm just floating through "life". Not really here. But here. I feel so empty.
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 11

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    Don't know why I get

    so upset. My boyfriend is away for a lads night out and I'm left at his house. And I dunno why but I got so upset begging him not to leave me. What is wrong with me? It's just a night out. Why do I feel he's doing something wrong? I'm going to wreck my own relationship. This...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 4 Responses Dec 20

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Nov. 20, 2014 5:30pm I don't know what is wrong

    with me. I felt so happy when I got home. I felt so much love for mj and I was just on cloud nine. But I guess my flight reached its destination. I was on fb and mj told me go get ready. I went but I saw how she looked at me like I was stupid or maybe that was just me. Well...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 12

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    I feel empty. Like I always have to look

    for strong emotions to feel alive. That means I'm addicted to cutting and to other bad things
    styxc styxc 18-21, M 2 Responses Dec 17

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    At my boyfriends for his birthday.

    And I don't feel like he wants me here. I don't want to leave his room cause I'm in a **** mood and it's because I think he doesn't want me here. He's not spoke to me alllll day! I feel so unwelcome. Don't feel like I should be here at all. His friends are arriving soon and I'll...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 33 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Every Christmas Eve since I can remember I

    would look up and find the brightest star and wish with all my heart to be beautiful. I'm 24 years old and I still look up and wish to be beautiful. Each year I end in tears cause I know my wish hasn't come true.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 3 days ago

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