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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,615 People

    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 142 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is

    being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have love addiction,you chase men like a drug,you fall for the ones who you know can't love you,yet you trade sex for a connect.And break down when it...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses May 8

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 25 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I get attached to people on here

    and then they disappear and I feel upset and lonely again. I just want someone to look after me :(
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 14

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    So lately everyday has been a struggle.

    Everyday with some kind of episode and I can't snap out of it for long before I plunge back into it. My boyfriend is more than understanding and tells me how much he loves me how beautiful I am and let's me full blown lash out at him then say sorry... Now I'm in a depressed hate...
    xoxoFireyIcexoxo xoxoFireyIcexoxo 26-30, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I'm hanging on thread

    that I want to cut so much. But I can't because even though I know I'm of no real value to my children if I slit my wrist and let all the pain drain out, I would scar my children forever.
    theresnotone theresnotone 31-35, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I hate this ******* disorder!

    I hate getting attached to people, I hate feeling lonely and unwanted, I hate being so needy. I just want someone to look after me but my social anxiety is so bad and I get so irritated with people that I feel like I'll never even make friends.
    princesabecca princesabecca 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 16

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Tomorrow I have group.

    We were suppose to count our judgements. Every time I think about it I say I'll do it when time is right. That is my life. I wait until everything is right. I work for it to be perfectly right. And I never get anything done, therefore, life passes me by as I chase for "Right."
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 9 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Okay so short and simple.

    I usually have no problem ending a relationship most of the time I caused chaos and then turn around on them so they feel like it's their fault or I leave them leave them before they leave me. This guy that I actually felt like I could love until I cheated on him multiple times...
    xoxoFireyIcexoxo xoxoFireyIcexoxo 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 11 Responses Apr 23

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    needing to vent not that anything will helpim

    in a dark painful plac ei feel likei dont want o go on im doing destructive not drinking or anything i feel so disconnected and jusdt dont feel well veen going out but just dont feel like doing anything nothing seems to help i hatew depression i hate being alone life is just...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 12

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    ITS strange that were THE one to blame :(

    but people dont know our suffering of THE people who Triggers us . We dont speak about our emotions , because we know they dont understand . So. They continue to poke us , alwAys trigger us And after long time of suffering And taking al THE carp that Some people say . When we...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 6

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    Live youre life , dont let they live you,

    iTS youre life not theirs , follow youre dreams , And make them come thrue , yess you can, stay positive , dont complain ☺️
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 7

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 13 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Me right. You agree you right.

    You bark at me how me is wrong. Me call you moron. And say go hump cactus.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 1 Response Jul 7

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    seeairahx seeairahx 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    Yeah. Very clearly so.

    For as long as I can remember. Which is really only as far back as 13 and bits and pieces beforehand. I was under 18 when they wanted to officially diagnose me but couldnt because of my age. So now I need to go back. I don't know. I used to be medicated. Which helped some but...
    Faett Faett 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 13

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    If one more person says they "think" they have

    bpd or that "they have symptoms" I'm going to lose my ****. You are insulting everyone suffering from this ****. it takes a professional and multiple observations before one can be classified as borderline. Please don't self diagnose because 9 times out of 10 you will be wrong.
    GlassIndustry GlassIndustry 16-17, T 2 Responses Jul 7

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I'm going to my first appt.

    on Monday. It wouldn't be my first appt with a therapist/counselor ever. I've been a few times before but nothing worked. I'm hoping maybe I just haven't found the right person and I need to keep searching. I said some really hurtful things to my boyfriend last night and I feel...
    Kikiana1 Kikiana1 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    So the appointment I had on Monday got cancelled

    because of something to do with my insurance. This is the second time I've made an appointment and it has been cancelled on me. There's only one person in my area who specializes in BPD and she is fully booked. I've made so many phone calls to find help and its not working. I've...
    Kikiana1 Kikiana1 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    this is why our husbands have no idea

    why we are made at them. *hit blunt *smoking a cig thinking, i would go in there and watch tv with him if he would just let me watch what i want to watch every once in a while. i walk in bed room and say are you done with the remote yet?
    LITVET LITVET 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 6

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    And it's awful. There are constantly shifting

    identities it's like being in a constant love/hate triangle with three cartoonishly exaggerated versions of myself. I say horrible things that I may or may not mean, I hurt people I care about, I feel everything and nothing all at once, I'm prone to emotional outbursts, and my...
    PersonalApocalypse PersonalApocalypse 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 11

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    Back to ep after a while.

    So I put down my to do list as only one item a day,to make my life a little less hellish.I think it is working.Let me see how that goes.I have created few blogs on wordpress for bpd.I will link all of you in time. Love and hugs to everyone.
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Jul 12

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    If people stopped complaining And give more

    attentions And care And love . Allot people with ( disorders 😣i hate that word) dont have to take meds , so they Will be accepteble in others peoples life
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 6

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    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self...
    ReachingNirvana ReachingNirvana 22-25, M 5 Responses Jun 2, 2014

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10

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    I cry when people die in the movies.

    Not because I'm sad for the loss, but because I'm jealous.
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, T 1 Response Jul 9

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    It feels like this is pretty much the only

    group I post anymore, I just feel like everything I go through can be understood by the people here. Anyway, I had another ER visit, and now I'm in the hospital. I've been admitted to a unit and I'm on a Form 1 (for those of you outside of Canada, that means I'm an involuntary...
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, T Jul 14

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    i was diagnosed with borderline personality

    disorder earlier this year, i know a lot of doctors misdiagnose bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when i was 17 but i couldnt ever find treatment that worked. recently my doctor informed me that i might have been...
    BroknGirl89 BroknGirl89 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 19

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