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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,358 People

    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    the mood swings are so scary.

    I gradually go downhill so that I don't know I e lost control because I haven't noticed the shift and I think I'm in charge. then I cut. but then I snap out of it, in a moment so that I can see the difference, I look down at my bloody arm in shock and wonder "how did this happen...
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    I'm not for sure if I have it

    or not. I suspect that I do after skimming through a psych text book for nurses. I took a couple tests online and it says that I should probably get a professional evaluation for a proper diagnosis. At least I'm a step closer to figuring out why I am depressed and feel the...
    Philli8807 Philli8807 26-30, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Today was my bffs first bday

    since passing away in Sept. My bday is in 16 days. As kids we often celebrated together. Last night a family friend passed away from old age. It was Monday after a full moon and I work in an office so that spells disaster. Also my boss asked me to watch my office manager (whom...
    nvragain1024 nvragain1024 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 8

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 1

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    I feel empty. Like I always have to look

    for strong emotions to feel alive. That means I'm addicted to cutting and to other bad things
    styxc styxc 18-21, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    I had a sucky day today.

    :/ I woke up and was fine. But I got a little wary a few hours later and stayed that way the rest of the day. I posted a pic on my face book of myself and peoe were saying mean things. It kinda stuck with me. I wanted to take it down but kept it up. I was also very anxious today...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 138 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    do your parents or any friends

    or coworker or boss or teacher know that you hv BPD?
    arachmichel arachmichel 26-30, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I self diagnosed about a year ago

    and regardless of my efforts it took that long to get a real diagnosis, which I just received. It was such a huge relief in some ways and more stressful in others. Now it is in the front ground and something I have to take responsibility for. I have seen bpd effect every...
    Pchipsnbrips Pchipsnbrips 22-25, F 19 hrs ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I always want to be a different person.

    I always find myself being different and makes me wonder who i really am. High school all i wanted was to please others.
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 6 days ago

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    I am getting married tomorrow.

    . And I just found out all my episodes.. Suicidal experiences, depressions could be related to BPD.. My fiancé is supportive, he said now we know what it is, we could go back to your psychiatrist and seek help.. This is going to be my second marriage.. And I already left more...
    arachmichel arachmichel 26-30, F 4 Responses Dec 13

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I'm a dramatic person.

    I used to think its because I'm an artist but then I got diagnosed. It made everything so clear, all the pieces fell into place. When I love someone or something- I give my all. When my heart breaks (which happens a lot)- it crushes. Sometimes it feels like a blessing, but more...
    DustInTheWind92 DustInTheWind92 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I was holding my nephew today,

    little one year old sweet little thing. He fell asleep on my shoulder and I let him stay there for a while. When I went to go put him down in his bed so he could sleep better, I looked at him, and I mean really looked at him, and then I realized, I used to love him more than...
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 7

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    Nov. 20, 2014 5:30pm I don't know what is wrong

    with me. I felt so happy when I got home. I felt so much love for mj and I was just on cloud nine. But I guess my flight reached its destination. I was on fb and mj told me go get ready. I went but I saw how she looked at me like I was stupid or maybe that was just me. Well...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 12

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    I need to cut. I need to cut.

    I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 3 Responses a week ago

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    i can't take this feeling anymore.

    its just pure despair. Its unlike anything i have ever felt before. it literally affects me physically. i feel so empty inside. I have never considered suicide an option but ive seriously considered it at least 4 times today
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    Just came back from seeing the lights in

    natchodes. I was like so happy and excited to go on the way there. But everyone else seemed not so interested and I was like the only one happy. But after an hour of singing and laughing by myself, I began to feel myself become depressed. I put my head down because I felt this...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 3 Responses a week ago

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    The women with BPD can relate to this: I hate

    when I am pmsing or on my cycle. It seems like every depressing feeling or emotion that I could ever have comes out 100 times stronger. I feel so down sad and alone. I felt that way all day today even though I was with my husband. I just feel like I'm on the verge of completely...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 7

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    Today I have seen so many of my personalities

    come out. I hate it. I wish I could go back to being who I was before all my mental problems started. I love that personality.
    sadly203 sadly203 18-21 Dec 7

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    Don't know why I get

    so upset. My boyfriend is away for a lads night out and I'm left at his house. And I dunno why but I got so upset begging him not to leave me. What is wrong with me? It's just a night out. Why do I feel he's doing something wrong? I'm going to wreck my own relationship. This...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7

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    My mood keeps shifting from fine to depressed.

    Fine then depressed. Up. Then down. Uppppo then downnnnn. Upppppp then down Down Down ... H
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 9

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I just feel super crazy right now!

    I can't make it go away in my head. I feel like something is missing and empty but nothing to fill the emptiness. I don't even know what would fill the emptiness. I feel like no one wants to talk to me or be bothered with me. I feel ugly and useless. I feel disgusting and I just...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 8

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    One of my hobbies: listen to "hurt" by "nine

    inch nails" and cut myself.
    DustInTheWind92 DustInTheWind92 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Does this sound like borderline : - aggressive

    and needs to be in charge all the time -loves making people uncomfortable -hard on themselves and tries with all their power not to cry -lies, lies, and more lies -claims to have a hard time opening up to people (though I don't blame them) -calls themselves a psychopath...
    strawberryletter22 strawberryletter22 18-21, F 5 Responses Dec 9

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    I was super happy because my fam is going to

    see the lights in the city. On the way there i was the only one singing Christmas carols and seemed exiceted. I soon began to feel super sad. Started crying and now I don't know if I'll enjoy myself
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F a week ago

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 5 Responses Sep 1

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    My boyfriend told me to stop bringing things up.

    I'm just insecure and need reasurrance sometimes but he's threatened to leave me if I bring it up again. I can't help it. If I don't say it it bubbles in my brain and makes me crazy. I dunno what to do.
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 6 Responses Dec 10

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    Recently I was honest with a friend about my BPD

    and he is the first person I've told that took it extremely well. I just hate admitting it. I've known my whole life that my emotions are different from "normal" people but saying it out loud just plain sucks. I was diagnosed at 16, so that's about half my life now that I've...
    nvragain1024 nvragain1024 31-35, F Dec 8

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    I HATE feeling this way!

    Constant bad mood.
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 8

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    That moment when you're at the beach in a hotel

    with friends and you just feel like crying non stop and feel very socially anxious. That is what it means to have BPD with depression.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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