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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,501 People

    The other day, I was in a mood

    and arguing with my husband (as is common anymore) and before I could catch it, I said something pretty awful, even for me. I said, "Lately, I spend most of my time considering suicide just to get out of a relationship with you." I feel like I'm spiralling more and more lately...
    justarandom justarandom 22-25, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 142 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 9

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    We fight every night

    for something. When the sun sets were both the same. Half draped in the shadows. Half burned in flames.
    JohnVBlackburn JohnVBlackburn 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 14

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    does anyone know of or have experienced

    and can explain dissociation in relation to BPD to me? if u don't have an answer don't bother leaving a comment...no bs.
    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 25

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I'm in the hospital again

    after another suicidal freak out last night. My bf restrained me from overdosing. He knocked on my sisters bedroom door and said he needs help because I'm suicidal. My sisters bf basically told us to **** off and my sister didn't even get up to try and help. I know they both had...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 33 Responses May 8, 2012

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    i feel like i cant go on i have apart in me

    well the depressed kid has rejected everything doesnt have the will to go on life is passing me bad i look for a home i never had i dont do well with people leaving what i meant living with people i wished imy parents neve rhad kids i hav eneve rbeen so depresse din my life like...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 3 days ago

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    im feeling really funny i dont feel real like

    im just a body around walking around my apartment so tired as usual going to bed is this being disonnected it freaks me out my mond is tired im tired hate being alone i feel like i just cant cope like other people i wan to move away so people wont see my fat body i need a...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 26

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    hello good morning im

    so struggling im so fricken depressed it isnt funny i just cant take it any more i dont wan to live like this my mood is so loww i feel likea kid that cant get out of this i feel likei need help now why doesnt the pain come out i dont understand this i must go out for awalk all...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Apr 20

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    I hate my anxieties. I hate my self destructive

    persona. I hate how I am on the outside. I hate how I am on the inside.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F Apr 25

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    i cant fet out of this my mood is

    so low i hate this im in a dark painful place i just dont wan tto do this anymorei dont really wan tto talk to anyone i feel so lonely i got up early but i went back to bed as im a bed of hell i just dont care anymore some time si cant face reality i think why go out when you...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 19

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    Alright, where to begin?

    I hope only those with BPD read this. It's incredibly incredibly insensitive and very damaging to a Borderline person when someone who doesn't understand "tries to help." You can't help. Keep it to yourself. Read, perhaps. Learn. Don't comment. For our sake. Thank you...
    Vaecia Vaecia 22-25, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    im not sure im o her ei just cant cope like

    everyone else i dont understand this i cant stand fetting up everyday i feel angry inside im tempted to go to hospital as much as i hate it there but i feel like i cant go on anymore i just dont understand this even though i was diagnosed 20 years ago jus t so so angry my kid...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 24

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    i feel liikei just dont want to goon anymor ei

    stayed up late just so i couldnt face the day i feel tired all the time in such a dark spot but im stubborn and wont open up i feel like i cant take this anymor ei hate life i hate that im like a teenager why cant live on her own i feel like i hate my parents some part of me...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 18

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    Borderliners?Wanna try this?

    I am gonna make this the new script for my diary entries format.So I will start filling these,instead of the pain I normally do.Oh,and the flow thing is hilarious. Borderliners are always in flow,we need to stop being focused at the problem that is eating us.Thus ,perhaps...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Apr 15

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 12 Responses Apr 23

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    hollaem hollaem 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 16

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    It gets way worse when I drink.

    Does this happen to anyone else? It's like when I get drunk I completely lost control and act psychotic.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    I was recently diagnosed with bpd,

    I'm 29, and I feel like I've been lost for a better part of my life. I'm hoping that things will start to get better as I continue with treatment.. I'm extremely overwhelmed, and emotionally exhausted. 😩
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    I don't understand how I can care

    so deeply about people and then as soon as I feel rejected in any way I cut them off like they don't exist. A big part of me is sad about it and misses them but that's overshadowed by pain and anger. There's so much fear I just go numb and want everyone to **** off. I know I'll...
    ArtemisAncestor ArtemisAncestor 31-35, F 4 Responses Apr 22

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    Hey guys, I'm new here,

    so I'm not exactly sure how this goes.. But I figured I'd give it a shot. Here's a little bit about me: My name is Sara, I'm 19 years old, I live with my boyfriend & his family, I work part time, and I have BPD. I've had depression my entire life, although I wasn't diagnosed...
    darling1925 darling1925 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 26

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    i need to vent although doesnt seem to help i

    feel like i just go on one more day i had to do some errands im a stubborn person so i close myself off i have no strengh to do this i just dont car ei ve been never to be a person to hide i feel like im going to throw up now im turning to food for comfort the darknes and the...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses Apr 22

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    Has anyone ever been diagnosed with Bipolar

    Disorder, but actually have Borderline Personality Disorder?
    StrangeDisaster StrangeDisaster 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 20

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    i need to vent im feeling

    so angry so fricken depressed i feel likei want to flip as i cant stand fricken being like this i hav enever been like this before this bad the mood is so low i swent to cloverdale today where i live down town and i was so fricken terrified inside i hat ethis fricken illnes si...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Apr 24

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    I'm mostly always mean to people especially my

    mom. I would get irriated and annoyed if she ask me about something that I think it's very obvious and it answers itself or think that is so dumb what's she saying and think that she is stupid. Then I go and start to be sarcastic or to answer in a bad way and ridicule her. I...
    AndreaCulea AndreaCulea 22-25, F 5 days ago

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    people around me don't understand how horrible

    this disorder is. Borderline personality disorder can be and is debilitating. I'm tired of being different. I'm tired of being disconnected. I'm tired of living. sometime i can't get out of the bed. lately it has been worse. I think and fantasize about dying all day everyday...
    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 25

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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