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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,846 People

    There are days I hate my life.

    In other words hating my life is hating my parents, my father in particular. I was my family's scapegoat. Yep, I inherited that dreadful honorable position. Yesterday, I watched "Divergent" for the first time, and I felt exactly like the protagonist. Everyone was able to conform...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    One day I asked the DBT therapist to lead a

    mindfulness activity as a repair for showing up to the previous group late. My individual therapist encouraged me to give an explanation what mindfulness means to me. Here is the explaination: "When I was younger I acquired certain skills that were needed. This enabled me to...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 1

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    I like to see my blood.

    .. I like to vomit after I drunk a lot of wine and hard liquor... I do not like to eat too much and wrong foods, as medicines make me do... I do not like to see my body far, to do not feel, to feel too much... I want create difficulties in my life, I want to destroy it, myself...
    bpd86it bpd86it 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 27

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    Does anybody else here feel

    as though there are two or more of you? One of "me" isa kind loving compassionate outgoing good friend (id like to think) and the other is a self aggressive destructive monster! Apologies in advance if i offend anybody with these words. I feel torn tonight..
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2015

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    But I'm pretty unique to other Borderlines.

    Anybody else feel alone, even with this?
    leflay leflay 22-25, T 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    My boyfriend dumped me

    because I have too many issues. I don't know what to do. I just want to die.
    biffiebabie13 biffiebabie13 36-40, F 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    I don't have BPD but my (ex) boyfriend may have

    it so coming here to learn. Hopefully that is okay.
    Lann2015 Lann2015 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 31

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    Blueborder21 Blueborder21 18-21, F a week ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 145 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Do you ever notice the closer you get to

    someone (romantically) the stronger your fear of abandonment gets??
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Sep 10, 2015

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 46-50, M 9 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Does anybody struggle with feelings of low self

    worth, even though they know it not to be true?
    deej200 deej200 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 26

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    My boyfriend has been ignoring me all night.

    I'm scared that he is going to leave me for another woman, who is hid friend. I know that I am not normal, I have tried talking to him but I get no response. The urge to self harm is really overwhelming. Help!
    biffiebabie biffiebabie 36-40, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Has anyone's moods ever shifted erratically

    for absolutely no clear reason? I would go from being happy for several hours then depressed and emotionally dissonant about something unrelated to what I was happy about and then bitter and angry the next several hours. External events like life stressors and triggers make...
    rainbowsmangos2015 rainbowsmangos2015 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 24, 2015

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 12 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Having borderline personality is like being

    normal but intensified. You feel like your mind is pure chaos and you try to act as normal as you can be so no one’s figures it out: That you are different and that you don’t belong.
    Blueborder21 Blueborder21 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 27

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    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 31

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    It took several years

    and soooo many meds to finally get diagnosed with BPD. I only got the dx because I went to an outpatient program and there were 2 doctors looking at my records. I was sitting in session one day and they started describing BPD and it clicked for me, the counselor in the session...
    justme081 justme081 31-35, F 2 Responses Jan 26

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    ... Blank ... I feel like

    that sums up me right now. I feel like I'm losing hope.
    Jlb13592 Jlb13592 26-30, M a week ago

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    Today, in a lecture, suicide was casually

    mentioned. Wasn't even about humans, was about birds, but I just wasn't mentally prepared. I can deal with reading about that sort of thing on my own terms, but to have it mentioned in a lecture and so casually, it's really triggered something in me. I hate it when people...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 26

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    I'm taking control of my disorder.

    I'll ride through the emotions it brings me, feel them fully, and let them go as they pass rather than clinging for dear life and desperately attaching to them. I have to take my thoughts, my emotions, and my bodily sensations and say, this is my life. I am in control of it; you...
    nicaea nicaea 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    I am so tired of not being understood

    whatsoever. I feel like there is an insane and massive distance between me and everyone I know. It's like a vast space that just keeps them from knowing and I can't help them navigate it because I get so angry and I am so so tired of being angry. I am tired of feeling like...
    NarcissisticCartman NarcissisticCartman 26-30 6 Responses Jan 26

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    I can't get close to anybody

    because I don't trust that they genuinely care about me and I don't trust that they'll stay around. Literally everybody I've ever loved, family and all has abandoned me at some point. I try to do my best alone and be independent but I do get lonely and I do wish I could trust...
    D3vacj D3vacj 22-25, F Jan 20

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    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is

    being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have love addiction,you chase men like a drug,you fall for the ones who you know can't love you,yet you trade sex for a connect.And break down when it...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses May 8, 2015

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    I have a question for those of you

    who have also been given this diagnosis. I was diagnosed about 1.5 years ago, and it has certainly been the worst period of my life. I feel like I'm in a fog, and I can never trust my judgement. I'm completely debilitated by it at the moment. My question: Did you find...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 7 Responses Jan 29

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    There's a part of me,

    which would like to meet a girl that has BPD just so she can meet a few of my darker needs just because I think the others don't get it. Any girls out there fancy a guy buddy?
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jan 31

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 46-50, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I find a lot of people on EP have

    misunderstandings about what borderline personality disorder is (like mixing up different disorders). So for anyone coming on this page for information, I highly recommend you go and look up the disorder in the DSM5 which describes all the criteria and possible symptoms for...
    AnonymousKCQ AnonymousKCQ 22-25, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I finally know what it's like to feel content

    and not frantically feel the need for someone. It's a very nice feeling. It's a calm in the storm. I've been feeling this way for a couple weeks now. I'm grateful for it. I have even been sleeping at night. Super happy about it all.
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Sep 17, 2015

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 22-25, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I am being treated for depression,

    anxiety and panic attacks. Although I am certain that I have BPD (self observation, I haven't seen a professional as of yet) My mood is constantly unstable. I can be on the verge of wanting to die and then suddenly it feels like a switch has been turned off and I go back to...
    EverlyLeex EverlyLeex 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 25

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    WindsomeFlurry WindsomeFlurry 26-30 6 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    I can't live like this forever.

    I'm not in physical danger, but I'm feeling hopeless. Is there reason to hope?
    mymaidenname mymaidenname 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 31

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    My head hurts. For the past couple of months my

    symptoms were being triggered by what I suspect to be a narcissist. I was sucked in to his cycle of discard and being placed on pedestal. Or maybe I was swinging between black and white. Well, somewhere between perceiving abandonment and invalidating my emotions I was on a...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 31

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 44 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    A few days ago I posted how my head hurts

    and how I have to let ago of a relationship. Also to use it as an opportunity to reflect on my issues. So here goes. The thing that sucks about BPD is when I am feeling emotionally vulnerable, usually due to my environment, my interpersonal relationships takes the hardest hit...
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 6 days ago

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Yes I always stand on Mexican border saying

    hello to different persons...i need Help!!
    Engine9 Engine9 31-35, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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