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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,463 People

    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    when I disassociate it feels like I don't exist

    (like surreal I guess). I mean I can feel my body is here but it feels hollow kinda. does anyone else have this feeling
    mia4MyLady mia4MyLady 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 14

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    should I welcome death

    and end my misery.
    knittingpretty22 knittingpretty22 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    You know when you just have those days

    when you just break? You can't fake it anymore? Today was that day for me. I was going to attempt suicide last night because I got rejected by people who I thought were my friends, but stopped myself after 8 pills. Today I had the emotional hangover from that with the added...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I only found out that I had this diagnosis

    when I requested access to my medical notes. I had been diagnose with BPD for a long time and no one told me. I was initially diagnosed with depression and my treatment team and hospital staff were very kind then. Once I was diagnosed with BPD people seemed to think that I...
    LinkinParkMuse LinkinParkMuse 26-30, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I stole my boyfriend from someone else

    and now I am unable to trust him. We've known each other for a long time. I always knew he liked me but I friend-zoned him. After all, he was involved with the girl who would eventually become his ex-wife and mother of his now 6 year old son. I remember how he treated me back...
    elocinitis elocinitis 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 5

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    I'm 21 suffering with borderline personality

    disorder along with depression and anxiety. I've been dealing with this since I was 11 and my mom remarried a Disney style evil step dad (he abused me and my family for years). I cut myself, I'm a mess and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I'm just ready to end it...
    knittingpretty22 knittingpretty22 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    So a friend of mine (who is not bpd) on EP said

    this about me, "It's like sometime you want to talk but other times you are like in another dimension and ignoring everyone." I dissociate and I tend to withdraw.I am an in-acting borderline.It is like being in a glass shell that catches fire,or the oxygen dies of once a while...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    I've had this account

    since 2011, and I abandoned it for a long time. I was in therapy for about a year, where I learned to lie really well and cover it up if I did drugs or cut. I was a "model participant" in group therapy. I inspired a lot of the girls that I was in group with, which is cool...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 9

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    My borderline personality disorder has made me

    see the havoc I cause in people's lives and I'm regretting things I've done. I completely slandered my ex when I was splitting and exaggerated everything making it sound horrendous. Can I fix this? And how? I was wrong about everything I said to my friends and family and made...
    mconner1030 mconner1030 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 15

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I could really use and appreciate some help,

    your experience and input. I'm studying BPD psychopathology and there is something that is so conflicting for me. I'm really struggling with the accuracy of what I'm reading. It's not my experience or belief. Here it is: "Mentalization is the ability to interpret the...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M 6 Responses Mar 13

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    i really dont know much to say except im tired

    of life getting up everyday today i deceded to clean my house i told my mom i cant talk to her right now as i just cant be in her life right now i have so many issues eating issues not wanting to get out of the house i think i just dont like my home town i always just have to...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    I have just recently found out

    that I am pregnant. Yes, I am excited. But, I'm also terrified because of the havoc pregnancy is already wreaking on my fragile emotional state. As a woman diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I am prone to extremely volatile emotions as well as intense fears of...
    whiskeyprincess37 whiskeyprincess37 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 5

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 141 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    How do I know if I'm really ruining life's?

    I'm causing people pain just by being me by being alive. They all say suicide is wrong but if I'm that bad then why is it not acceptable?
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 18

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    One of the symptoms of BPD is an unstable sense

    of self, and I hate it so much. My self worth literally changes depending on who I'm with. Someone who used to be my best friend used my mental health against me, she said I was interpreting her behaviour wrong like i had in the past, but this time it was her being mean, and...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    The rage is is so tiring.

    My dogs were barking at something (innocent right)? Not with BPD. I don't remember the last time screaming like that. My dogs fled from me. I feel like a monster. It's not like normal people where you get rage periodically. As my therapist says I have two emotions...
    ItalianEnzo ItalianEnzo 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    ... And I desperately need someone to talk to

    who understands the need to flee their problems. When they can't run from themselves. I AM my problems. ASAP. Please!!!!!
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Today is one of "those" days.

    I feel ugly, stupid, pathetic, meaningless to anyone, looked over, not cared about and like everyone is looking at me thinking that I'm crazy. I hate these days. The feelings are so intense
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response a week ago

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    I have started writing a blog.

    Please take a look. Read, Like, Comment, Share etc.. dionnetyler.wordpress.com
    dte21 dte21 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    I am really feeling it right now.

    I can't shake it.I think I will hibernate today. also thinking of calling Dr for med increase. ugh
    mia4MyLady mia4MyLady 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 12

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    Love and Courage!! For us

    that have made it so far.Unbowed.Undefeated.Not giving up,just yet. Invictus Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Mar 13

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I'm writing this in an effort to reach out

    and make sense of what's happening inside. At times I feel completely normal and then sometimes I feel batshit crazy, all within a few minutes. I haven't been formally diagnosed with BPD, but I'm 99.9% sure it's what I have. I fit all the criteria for it. I'm extremely self...
    adub2222 adub2222 31-35, M 3 Responses Mar 16

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    i dont know why im writing im in

    so much dark mental agony i dont wan to face the world so rage i hatew the way i feel nothing helps i get up then go to be dagain my mood is so low im so fricken miserable no tears no nothing just fat ugly im tired as im over weight im shameful to go out itd just how im feeling...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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