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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,620 People

    And it's awful. There are constantly shifting

    identities it's like being in a constant love/hate triangle with three cartoonishly exaggerated versions of myself. I say horrible things that I may or may not mean, I hurt people I care about, I feel everything and nothing all at once, I'm prone to emotional outbursts, and my...
    PersonalApocalypse PersonalApocalypse 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 11

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    I get attached to people on here

    and then they disappear and I feel upset and lonely again. I just want someone to look after me :(
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 14

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I'm going to my first appt.

    on Monday. It wouldn't be my first appt with a therapist/counselor ever. I've been a few times before but nothing worked. I'm hoping maybe I just haven't found the right person and I need to keep searching. I said some really hurtful things to my boyfriend last night and I feel...
    Kikiana1 Kikiana1 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 9 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    I'm in nursing school

    and supposed to graduate in December. But I'm scared bc I'm so emotional. I'm afraid I'll have a full on breakdown or be stuck in a black hole and not recognize something wrong with a patient. Even though I feel I'm competent as far as skills, sometimes I have really bad days...
    theresnotone theresnotone 31-35, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 11 Responses Apr 23

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self...
    ReachingNirvana ReachingNirvana 22-25, M 5 Responses Jun 2, 2014

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 9

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    ITS strange that were THE one to blame :(

    but people dont know our suffering of THE people who Triggers us . We dont speak about our emotions , because we know they dont understand . So. They continue to poke us , alwAys trigger us And after long time of suffering And taking al THE carp that Some people say . When we...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 6

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    I'm a twenty two year old slightly overweight

    single lesbian woman who is mainly looking for friends of older age. I battle borderline personality disorder, which makes socializing of many kinds, including support groups, an uphill battle. I struggle to see the good in people who are well meaning but don't understand how...
    rainbowsmangos2015 rainbowsmangos2015 22-25, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    If one more person says they "think" they have

    bpd or that "they have symptoms" I'm going to lose my ****. You are insulting everyone suffering from this ****. it takes a professional and multiple observations before one can be classified as borderline. Please don't self diagnose because 9 times out of 10 you will be wrong.
    GlassIndustry GlassIndustry 16-17, T 2 Responses Jul 7

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    this is why our husbands have no idea

    why we are made at them. *hit blunt *smoking a cig thinking, i would go in there and watch tv with him if he would just let me watch what i want to watch every once in a while. i walk in bed room and say are you done with the remote yet?
    LITVET LITVET 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 6

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    Back to ep after a while.

    So I put down my to do list as only one item a day,to make my life a little less hellish.I think it is working.Let me see how that goes.I have created few blogs on wordpress for bpd.I will link all of you in time. Love and hugs to everyone.
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Jul 12

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    So the appointment I had on Monday got cancelled

    because of something to do with my insurance. This is the second time I've made an appointment and it has been cancelled on me. There's only one person in my area who specializes in BPD and she is fully booked. I've made so many phone calls to find help and its not working. I've...
    Kikiana1 Kikiana1 18-21, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 10 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I have bpd sometimes it's hard to get my

    feelings out about how I am feeling icyt myself to feel ssomething because I have no feelings. I don't know much about bpd so I was just wondering how do u cope with bpd it's so hard some days are my dark day and others are my amazing days so far these past weeks have been...
    bichick19 bichick19 18-21, F 41 mins ago

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    Has anyone ever tried DBT?

    can someone explain this to me or give me some tips?
    Kikiana1 Kikiana1 18-21, F Jul 17

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    how come i'm constantly wanting love

    and affection and pushing people away when they show the tiniest bit of uninterest
    seeairahx seeairahx 16-17, F 4 Responses Jul 8

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    needing to vent not that anything will helpim

    in a dark painful plac ei feel likei dont want o go on im doing destructive not drinking or anything i feel so disconnected and jusdt dont feel well veen going out but just dont feel like doing anything nothing seems to help i hatew depression i hate being alone life is just...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 12

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 13 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 25 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I am an older sufferer,

    I was first diagnosed in the early 90s. Does anyone else have experience of being"in the system" long term?
    definatelynot definatelynot 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 19

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    i was diagnosed with borderline personality

    disorder earlier this year, i know a lot of doctors misdiagnose bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when i was 17 but i couldnt ever find treatment that worked. recently my doctor informed me that i might have been...
    BroknGirl89 BroknGirl89 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 19

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    Lately , I've been trying to cover up my

    feelings a lot, most of them consist of social anxiety and everything feeling surreal, and anger/ irritation that can't be relieved. Honestly I thought that I had gotten a lot better than I was before , but it's just been escalating recently, I still haven't self-harmed in over...
    athenalovlies athenalovlies 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 13

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 26-30, F 6 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    So lately everyday has been a struggle.

    Everyday with some kind of episode and I can't snap out of it for long before I plunge back into it. My boyfriend is more than understanding and tells me how much he loves me how beautiful I am and let's me full blown lash out at him then say sorry... Now I'm in a depressed hate...
    xoxoFireyIcexoxo xoxoFireyIcexoxo 26-30, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I cry when people die in the movies.

    Not because I'm sad for the loss, but because I'm jealous.
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, T 1 Response Jul 9

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    seeairahx seeairahx 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    Tomorrow I have group.

    We were suppose to count our judgements. Every time I think about it I say I'll do it when time is right. That is my life. I wait until everything is right. I work for it to be perfectly right. And I never get anything done, therefore, life passes me by as I chase for "Right."
    allinlove allinlove 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 20

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    Okay so short and simple.

    I usually have no problem ending a relationship most of the time I caused chaos and then turn around on them so they feel like it's their fault or I leave them leave them before they leave me. This guy that I actually felt like I could love until I cheated on him multiple times...
    xoxoFireyIcexoxo xoxoFireyIcexoxo 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 143 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10

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