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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,460 People

    How do I know if I'm really ruining life's?

    I'm causing people pain just by being me by being alive. They all say suicide is wrong but if I'm that bad then why is it not acceptable?
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 18

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    im not feeling well in

    so much pain i awear i did it to myself fricken depressed and the pain doesnt come out when and got my hair done look so fine but your rotting insid ei feel like im screaming insid eid idnt go to therapy yesterday as i hate mentasl health i hate me i couldnt stop eating...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses Mar 10

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    One of the symptoms of BPD is an unstable sense

    of self, and I hate it so much. My self worth literally changes depending on who I'm with. Someone who used to be my best friend used my mental health against me, she said I was interpreting her behaviour wrong like i had in the past, but this time it was her being mean, and...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    I want to die. I'm so well informed about how

    borderline behavior seeps into my every waking moment that I have started to second guess every feeling I have. Am I allowed to be angry at my husband or am I just being mean? Am I being insensitive or do I actually deserve some quiet time to space out and play on my phone...
    jennaporter jennaporter 36-40, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    I have started writing a blog.

    Please take a look. Read, Like, Comment, Share etc.. dionnetyler.wordpress.com
    dte21 dte21 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 9

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    I've had this account

    since 2011, and I abandoned it for a long time. I was in therapy for about a year, where I learned to lie really well and cover it up if I did drugs or cut. I was a "model participant" in group therapy. I inspired a lot of the girls that I was in group with, which is cool...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 9

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 141 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I stole my boyfriend from someone else

    and now I am unable to trust him. We've known each other for a long time. I always knew he liked me but I friend-zoned him. After all, he was involved with the girl who would eventually become his ex-wife and mother of his now 6 year old son. I remember how he treated me back...
    elocinitis elocinitis 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 5

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    My borderline personality disorder has made me

    see the havoc I cause in people's lives and I'm regretting things I've done. I completely slandered my ex when I was splitting and exaggerated everything making it sound horrendous. Can I fix this? And how? I was wrong about everything I said to my friends and family and made...
    mconner1030 mconner1030 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 15

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    should I welcome death

    and end my misery.
    knittingpretty22 knittingpretty22 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Borderline gets treated.

    Med makers profit. Borderline aint there yet. But they give us meds. That push us beyond. Why not cure the causes. Oh. Right. Profit not cure.
    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 2 Responses Mar 12

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    The rage is is so tiring.

    My dogs were barking at something (innocent right)? Not with BPD. I don't remember the last time screaming like that. My dogs fled from me. I feel like a monster. It's not like normal people where you get rage periodically. As my therapist says I have two emotions...
    Riprovo Riprovo 31-35, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Love and Courage!! For us

    that have made it so far.Unbowed.Undefeated.Not giving up,just yet. Invictus Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Mar 13

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    So many times I've read people here

    that are having difficulties with their relationships and I so feel for the pain and confusion they're in. I've been through my own and so has my wife but the wonderful part is we've seen our way through to the other side and it is wonderful to be able to do that for her and for...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M Mar 18

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    ... And I desperately need someone to talk to

    who understands the need to flee their problems. When they can't run from themselves. I AM my problems. ASAP. Please!!!!!
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    I could really use and appreciate some help,

    your experience and input. I'm studying BPD psychopathology and there is something that is so conflicting for me. I'm really struggling with the accuracy of what I'm reading. It's not my experience or belief. Here it is: "Mentalization is the ability to interpret the...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M 6 Responses Mar 13

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    It's so hard to get out of bed in the mornings

    when you have no idea how your day could go. I wake up like a blank slate and then whoever I spend my time with tends to define how I feel for the day, and that sucks so badly. I wish I were more in control. I know that maybe one day I will be, but it scares me that if somebody...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    i really dont know much to say except im tired

    of life getting up everyday today i deceded to clean my house i told my mom i cant talk to her right now as i just cant be in her life right now i have so many issues eating issues not wanting to get out of the house i think i just dont like my home town i always just have to...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    You know when you just have those days

    when you just break? You can't fake it anymore? Today was that day for me. I was going to attempt suicide last night because I got rejected by people who I thought were my friends, but stopped myself after 8 pills. Today I had the emotional hangover from that with the added...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 20

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    Today is one of "those" days.

    I feel ugly, stupid, pathetic, meaningless to anyone, looked over, not cared about and like everyone is looking at me thinking that I'm crazy. I hate these days. The feelings are so intense
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    when I disassociate it feels like I don't exist

    (like surreal I guess). I mean I can feel my body is here but it feels hollow kinda. does anyone else have this feeling
    mia4MyLady mia4MyLady 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 14

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I only found out that I had this diagnosis

    when I requested access to my medical notes. I had been diagnose with BPD for a long time and no one told me. I was initially diagnosed with depression and my treatment team and hospital staff were very kind then. Once I was diagnosed with BPD people seemed to think that I...
    LinkinParkMuse LinkinParkMuse 26-30, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I was diagnosed almost two years ago (although

    I've struggled with its symptoms as far back as I can remember). Yet even now when I tell people I have it - I guess because I find it best to start new relationships with a disclaimer - I get this general reaction: a befuddled, concerned look typically followed by the question...
    vagabondthrone vagabondthrone 22-25, M 3 Responses Mar 6

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I'm 21 suffering with borderline personality

    disorder along with depression and anxiety. I've been dealing with this since I was 11 and my mom remarried a Disney style evil step dad (he abused me and my family for years). I cut myself, I'm a mess and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I'm just ready to end it...
    knittingpretty22 knittingpretty22 18-21, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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