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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,238 People

    Just got out of my second stint in the hospital.

    This time my parents said they weren't gonna foot the bill and put me on welfare... Ever since I've been diagnosed with BPD my family treats me like I have something contagious like AIDS or the ebola virus, even my gf said adios. Living by myself now, no job, no friends. Kinda...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Aug 14

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    I just found out I'm Borderline today

    and personally I'm scared. Everything I've read about it says that it's so hard to treat but I don't want to feel this way anymore right now. I haven't told anyone because I'm afraid of how they'll look at me. I just really hate myself right now, just for being alive.
    gochickinparty gochickinparty 16-17, F 2 Responses Aug 7

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    BPD Last In Series~common Issues

    To close my Borderline Personality Disorder Series, I wanted to review some common traits and terms relating to BPD. I hope the series was informative and helpful. Some of the information below comes from two books that I highly recommend which are Stop Walking on Eggshells...
    ClinicallyClueless ClinicallyClueless 41-45, F 7 Responses Aug 19, 2008

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    Check out this link!!

    !! New scientific research on BPD and how the brain functions for people who have been diagnosed with this disorder. Enlightening and informative. Hope this can help somebody. Much love xoxo http://news.utoronto.ca/understanding-borderline-personality-disorder
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Aug 5

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    I got diagnosed about 3-4 years ago I can't

    really recall, cause when I got diagnosed was the first time that I checked myself into a Psych Ward. I was more worried about other things than that, I had lost the love of my life and it hurt like hell I just wanted to cut and cut and cut again. Something about that feeling of...
    Beatles22 Beatles22 26-30, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    It's been a rough couple of months

    for me and my BPD has been in high gear. I know it's there and it's not only making my life hard, but everyone around me as well...my daughter, my boyfriend and his 2 girls as well. There has been a lot of stress and change lately with moving to a different state, finances...
    Serenity14 Serenity14 26-30, F 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Got The Diagnosis Today

    I am angry, I am very depressed. In short, I am everything that I have been these past several months since I left my abusive husband (for the last time, but I wonder if anyone believes me). Only now I feel insecure and worthless. The diagnosis of a personality disorder has been...
    StevensMommy StevensMommy 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2013

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    does anyone else get sad

    when a friend doesn't consider you their best friend? Lol it's kinda stupid considering I don't call anyone my best friend, but I just get so jealous of my friend's friends. I get kind of upset and self conscious when they like another friend better than me. It makes me feel...
    kbeary kbeary 18-21, F 5 Responses Aug 13

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 7 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    For a long time I have felt different,

    I got attached to people to easy & too quick! I quickly feared abandonment, real or imagined, I sometimes get raging anger that I cannot control where I just want to die, Sometimes I'm numb, and feel dead inside like a zombie. Borderline Personality Disorder is a hard life to...
    BeBeautiful95 BeBeautiful95 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 13

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    **** this... Do half you *******

    that claim you have BPD even know what the **** it is? It's no ******* joke... all people to people with BPD is kick'em when they're down... You can say we run to alcohol! You can say we run to drugs... It's cuz when we run to anyone else for help all there is, is rejection...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 6 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I've been having a real ****** time being happy.

    Not exactly sure I feel like writing. I just know I haven't been doing that well.
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Its actually quite fascinating

    when you learn the gears behind BPD. Knowledge is the key. Reset your minds and start again. Learn how to live with BPD now that you are given the chance.
    TommieLee TommieLee 22-25 1 Response Aug 14

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    Last week was so rough

    for me. It was truly manic. I cried for about 4 days straight and literally wanted to die. I felt that everyone at work could tell I was crazy and were talking about me. Then I forgot to pick up my prescription so that made it even worse. But it has passed and now I'm feeling...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    This has always made me feel better

    and always seems to apply... Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths, Enwrought with golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half light, I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    EP users and their character attacks.

    ... I'm not a pompous *******, although that would be the reaction that I would expect from someone with BPD, as that is how most of us assess most people until finding more healing and self awareness. So I understand and I certainly have no hard feelings for your attack on my...
    Ajushi Ajushi 31-35, M 2 Responses Aug 8

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    Anyone else have weeks

    where you stop talking to everyone on text and soci media just to see who would talk to you first or notice that something's weird/wrong? The best part is, is when hardly anyone realizes. Maybe they think you're busy and actually have a life and that's why you're not texting or...
    kbeary kbeary 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 10

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    I need people the way alcoholics need

    alcohol It's taken me a long time to come to that understanding, but it's the truth. The BPD side of me craves validation and attention with the same ferocity that an alcoholic craves alcohol. It's not a healthy craving, because healthy cravings can be happily satisfied for a...
    AnxietyReactor AnxietyReactor 36-40, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    Does anybody else deal with intrusive thoughts?

    And if so how do you manage them? How do you cope, get away from them?
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 6 Responses Aug 12

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 44 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I call my bad days "episodes".

    I can feel them coming on and can't stop them. They always have different symptoms. Today and the past two days it's been severe depression where all I want is food. I've been binge eating on food when on a normal day I eat healthy. I feel out of control and paranoid everyone...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 10

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Went to see my shrink today

    and after 4 long years am finally down to ONLY one pill a day!! Yeah, the pills make me feel normal..but at the same time it feels so fake! They're gonna make me take another personality test (mmpi-2) though..that sux! (at least they're not still doing the Rorschach lol...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Wish their was more advice

    for people who have bpd on how to deal with it. So much online about how to deal with someone with bpd but nothing for me. Just want my relationship to work but can't keep my self under control. He's past such a breaking point that he can't even look at me the same. Told me all...
    awmusic awmusic 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 4

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    Hi guys...thought it would be worth posting

    this here after telling my story of what a desperate position I am in at the moment. I am praying somebody, anybody has read my previous stories and - if you're in the position to - do a little donation. If anyone disagrees with me asking this way, I apologize. Just please don't...
    Daisypie Daisypie 18-21, F Aug 5

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 10 Responses Feb 25

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    Or so I think. But don't we all?

    Life has become increasingly difficult by my standards and it's just enough to not make me want to excel at anything fruitful or have the motivation to follow up with my deepest ambitions. Many of which are shrouded by the present and my way of thinking: extreme. And hey! I'm...
    Keldeo Keldeo 22-25 1 Response Aug 18

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    My personal relationships are toxic

    and my emotions and reactions are out of control. I've known for a long time something is not quite right inside of me and I can't control alot of it, so last night I told my mum I think I may have Borderline Personality Disorder. Being completely supportive she's told me that...
    megjane18 megjane18 18-21, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Everybody hates me. How am I going to love

    myself if no one ever loves me. My life is just ****, and each day I just want to dump more and more pills down my throat. The days, months, years go by and my depression just gets worse and my desire to die just keeps pressing more and more. Soon enough I will become just dort...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 12

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I have spent my entire life feeling

    as if there is a monster inside of me.
    Ashleyjoan Ashleyjoan 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I just want to blend in with the crowd.

    To not stick out because my anger shows as intense rage. To not get the side eye because I can cry at the change of the wind. To not appear attention starved because I've got low self esteem. To not be told I'm "choosing" to feel empty and depressed because I have a lot of...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F Aug 12

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    Once upon a time, my mother told me she loved

    how positive I was. She admired that I could see the good in anyone. I miss that. I was 8 years old when she said that, and I wish I could go back to being that person every day. Flash forward: I have had a horribly difficult time even convincing myself to reach out to anyone...
    iwanttolovemyself iwanttolovemyself 22-25 3 Responses Aug 11

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    It's kinda sad to read these other

    "experiences" of people who have dated someone with BPD. I guess thinking about it from their perspective it is a bit overwhelming to date someone with BPD, let's face it, it's a disorder, plain and simple. I also lost the love of my life, I said so many horrible things to her...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Aug 15

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    I have Borderline Personalitч Disorder,

    these past few weeks have been at its worst. I have attempted suicide twice & failed, and currentlч still self harm, I live with mч boчfriend & his mum dad & brother. They know of my depression now as i was in the psych ward for the sucidial attempts, I see home treatment...
    BeBeautiful95 BeBeautiful95 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 19

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