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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,440 People

    i dont care i need to vent i could never say

    how im feeling to my sick family abused neglected im so angry insid enobody lets me express myself i dont think i treally like my family i believe they tell lies about me secrets my brother is a sick fricken abusiver bully i dont understand my pain will not going out i think...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Feb 22

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    It's extremely difficult to decide what I want

    to do as a career because I don't have much of a sense of self.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F Feb 23

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    I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder

    with Borderline Traits. Professionals are reluctant to give a full BPD diagnosis because I'm not a cutter and had been able to hold down a job for many years. I am now in my late 4o's. I have suffered with many of the symptoms for most of my life. I have also out grown a few...
    RayneBeauHill RayneBeauHill 46-50, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    i need to vent im feeling angry

    and dark i feel like im not as good everyday is woth i feel like its harder to get through the day ialso feel like i need to vent or flip out im so depressed i dont know whatto fricken do i feel l8ke i dont have a parent i dont like to go out side i went to the denturist...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 17

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    I really hate it! I have borderline

    and DID and my boyfriend dumped me because of it. OF COURSE I know it's hard sometimes but I've been in therapy and everything and it's very difficult for me to trust people but I just don't know why it is so hard to accept me the way I am.
    Lerione Lerione 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    i just need to vent i feel

    so lonely i dont know how to cope qwith this illness im tired i dont even know how to live this fricken life everyday is just a fight for survival mood low i feel a fraid att ime si feel like this is torture im sick and fricken tired of this illnes sim sure you guys feel the...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 24

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    It's like living in constant fear of--not IF--

    but WHEN the person you love will leave you. It's terrible.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 24

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    Let's put it in a poem.

    Emptiness and Longing for someone gone anyone? Two open papers, To stem down a heartache ebbing, Deeper than my skin,my heart, my soul, Like a blackhole emptying through me, Asking for a sacrifice to end it, I have nothing to give here, No love, last trifles of existence...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 16

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    I haven't posted in a while

    because I've been dealing with a lot of emotions and depression. My students are what makes me smile each day when I'm feeling so horribly down. Especially at work, the fear that no one likes me or wants to be around me is ever present in my mind. I try to ignore but it gnaws at...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I was recently diagnosed with BPD

    and I'm struggling to come to terms with it.. By that I mean, it hasn't quite sunk in yet. What do I do? What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to feel..
    dte21 dte21 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Should I stay in my relationship?

    ! I love this guy more than anything and I wanna be with him forever but I can't seem to get over that fact he'll never have a normal relationship and he'll struggle everyday he's with. I know he loves me but am I just being selfish by wanting to be with him? I'm hurting him...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 16

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    I stole my boyfriend from someone else

    and now I am unable to trust him. We've known each other for a long time. I always knew he liked me but I friend-zoned him. After all, he was involved with the girl who would eventually become his ex-wife and mother of his now 6 year old son. I remember how he treated me back...
    elocinitis elocinitis 26-30, F 5 hrs ago

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    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M Feb 18

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    I hate living like this.

    I ruined everything. I ruined Valentine's day. I was trying so hard to be happy but I let someone make me angry, I let myself ruin it. she almost left today and I can't help but wonder if maybe I would be better off alone. I hate what I do to the people that care, but sometimes...
    TheWickedJester TheWickedJester 26-30, M 1 Response Feb 15

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    So I had these constant heart aches

    since the morning,and I was looking for cause and cues,and any time when I was actually happy,perfectly happy,and what did I do wrong since then. Then I realize ,I never was.Not that my life has been miserable,I had a good childhood,it is just that I never learned to be not...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 4 Responses Feb 24

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    They say if you die suddenly,

    your life flashes before your eyes. I have been slowly dying for close to fifteen years, all I have seen are other people's lives.
    rorenchan rorenchan 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Today was quite a roller coaster.

    Fast mood swings from extreme happiness to the lowest of lows all day. I'm beginning to wonder if Wellbutrin stopped working. It really takes every thing out of me and things have been getting worse lately.
    keekzie keekzie 22-25, T 1 Response 4 days ago

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I have just recently found out

    that I am pregnant. Yes, I am excited. But, I'm also terrified because of the havoc pregnancy is already wreaking on my fragile emotional state. As a woman diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I am prone to extremely volatile emotions as well as intense fears of...
    whiskeyprincess37 whiskeyprincess37 18-21, F 10 hrs ago

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    If you are never sure

    when you are euphoric,you are actually happy,or when you are devastated you are actually devastated.Or that people in your life mean that much to you,or whether you hate them that much.If you don't know what you believe in for sure,or what you unabashedly don't,because within a...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 22

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    You know some days Borderline is not

    so bad.Today I am ridiculously ,I am not sure why , happy,and I feel like I am a character from The Sound of Music.The sun is beautiful,the birds are chirping,I can't help not shine out,short of twirling in a meadow ,I feel like I am in a musical. The other days I feel like the...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Feb 14

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 141 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    I've been in therapy

    since last October, and last week my therapist tells me that her contract ends in April. We have not made much progress, having only attempted to gain control of my racing thoughts. She also informed me that I have no "human" emotions and is unsure if I ever will. What am I...
    cgould72 cgould72 41-45, F 3 Responses Feb 14

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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