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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 5,891 People

    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 43 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    Sometimes I just tell myself to shut the ****

    up cuz Im not in the mood to listen to me today!
    Jackal208 Jackal208 56-60, M Apr 6

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    As a teen, psycologists

    or whatever ists think it could just be "teen moodiness". That is in fact, bullshit. This isn't your oh whatever, she/he is just having moodiness. These are out of control traits. Traits that last a lifetime. Especially without the proper treatment. Proper treatment meaning no...
    AnaPanda1 AnaPanda1 13-15, F Apr 2

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    I was diagnosed exactly a year ago a week from

    today. I have no support system right now, I can't go to therapy or get medicine, and I'm worried that I'm getting worse.
    moubliez moubliez 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 8

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    I'm scared. I've spent

    so much time feeling sad even when I'm slightly happy, I don't know if I can ever feel any different. For the past ten years I've been self harming and attempting suicide as I can't see any other way out. What if there's nothing out there to help me? I push people away because I...
    atremain atremain 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 9

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    I got so drunk last night

    and had sex with a random guy that I met one before and who turned out to be a virgin. This is happening way to often. I feel like complete ****. I'm so lonely. This is self destructive behaviour.
    AmeliasDay AmeliasDay 26-30, F 6 Responses Apr 5

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    My problem with getting this diagnosis was

    that I used to not like the fact that everyone gets labels. I mean, I still feel like certain terms get thrown around way too casually. If someone has a couple of mood swings, people will say, "Oh my god, he/she is so bipolar." Or something that I hear at school a lot is, "Dude...
    showusyoursouls showusyoursouls 18-21, F Apr 1

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    i have borderline personality disorder maybe i

    have to join another group lee anne
    maddisongrace maddisongrace 46-50, F 2 Responses Mar 29

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 22 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    In my case, this means

    that I'm constantly on an emotional roller coaster, my emotions are never stable. Abandonment terrifies me, and I do everything under the sun to keep someone from leaving me, especially because I become easily attached to people. My relationships tend to be passionate but...
    adorea adorea 70+, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I Can't Write As It Hurts Too Much..

    ....so that is the link that explain about what I feel... http://www.aapel.org/bdp/BLsyntheseUS.html I hope that will help my friends to understand me better...
    Sorrentina Sorrentina 41-45, F 6 Responses Jul 12, 2013

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    Today was good but then my husband is showing

    me no attention. We temporarily live in different cities during the week and he acts like he doesn't care. I feel rejected constantly by him. It makes me so depressed. I want to feel loved by him
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 2 Responses Apr 1

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    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 10

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 7 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Always Seem To Be Alone

    Why can no one understand how we feel inside, a carcass ravaged by internal demons we have no control over. Sitting, standing, talking and feeling something other than yourself moving through your body, moving through your mind, talking to your mind, while your outside self just...
    vggirl vggirl 41-45, F 1 Response Nov 24, 2013

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 6 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    Who the **** am I? I hate molding into other

    peoples interests attitudes and other **** like that and I dont know who I am at all, it drives me crazy i just want to scream and hit the wall until my fists are full of blood
    feistyfun15 feistyfun15 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 8

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    Starting at a young age I felt alone,

    empty, and misunderstood. It was such a normal feeling I almost didn't realize it wasn't "normal". What was wrong with me? ADD? Depression? OCD? I'm crazy? My psychiatrist diagnosed me with BPD. I'm not sure how I feel about being labeled. It was nice to finally understand what...
    certzjbd23 certzjbd23 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 31

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 6 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    My Husband

    My husband is so easy going, nothing really bothers him, he has great work ethic, and he's so loving! Even after 4 1/2 years of marriage I'm still expecting him to walk out.. Say he's had enough.. he's been blind to stay and put up with me for so long.. but he doesn't! He thinks...
    Steezy18 Steezy18 22-25, F 7 Responses Feb 19, 2013

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 8 Responses May 23, 2013

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    kristinaloo kristinaloo 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 1

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 3

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 129 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I have such a personal dilemma

    and it's causing way more of a commotion inside me then it should . Logically looking at it there's a reasonable explanation to the issue , that being the case it makes me completely selfish for not being able to accept that ............. But I can't help it , but I'm trying...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 3 Responses Jan 11

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    kristinaloo kristinaloo 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 1

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    I have nobody to talk to.

    I've never felt so alone and I'm scared of getting bad again
    kristinaloo kristinaloo 18-21, F Apr 1

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    If you don't know what it is look it up.

    It's ******* hell. It's not my fault that I do the things I do, don't ******* judge me....you don't know me. If you do know what it is then you know my suffering day to day. To the people who really know me I love you all and I'm glad you accept me for who I am. If you really...
    JEJ22 JEJ22 22-25, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 8 Responses Feb 8

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I have chosen to be alone till I die.

    I find that with borderline it is literally impossible to find good people and maintain friendships and relationships. I enjoy being alone and am confident alone. Having others people around me is too much of a weight on me emotionally. I can't even bear the thought of having...
    FragileFish FragileFish 22-25, F 3 Responses Apr 4

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    Got The Diagnosis Today

    I am angry, I am very depressed. In short, I am everything that I have been these past several months since I left my abusive husband (for the last time, but I wonder if anyone believes me). Only now I feel insecure and worthless. The diagnosis of a personality disorder has been...
    StevensMommy StevensMommy 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2013

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyGrouchy GrumpyGrouchy 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    We are not ill. We are not BPD.

    We have BPD. Don't let yourself be labeled ill...cause we are not. WE ARE VERY SMART PEOPLE, who just can't control our emotions, not ill. We are waaaay too smart for our society to understand us! Our minds are always working, we can NEVER stop thinking, that's why we are all...
    nellagrr nellagrr 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 16

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 10 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Foolishness.

    Today was a bad borderline day for me. I got jealous of my sister and one of my friends who started hanging out. I can't even explain why. In the past, my sister has hung out with some of my old friends, and she still does now, I don't mind that so much. But this friend is my...
    Noelleflower Noelleflower 26-30, F 6 Responses Nov 8, 2013

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    I have BPD and I'm totally my own worst enemy,

    I've learned over the years that when things are calm and peaceful I sabotage my own life because I'm more comfortable in chaotic situations. Boredom eats away at me and ends up with me impulsively sabotaging my life and relationships. I'll pick a fight with a close friend only...
    BeautifulBorderlineJunkie BeautifulBorderlineJunkie 22-25, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 10 Responses Feb 25

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    I need help. I mean, I don't

    even understand what to do. I can't maintain my own happiness because I'm too busy succumbing to my inner demons. I push the ones who care away, regardless of the situations. Of course, my worst enemy is myself, but with BPD and all of my symptoms attached to it... it's a never...
    Destati Destati 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 2

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    I'm feeling my rage come out

    and I'm trying to keep it in but it's hard. I lash out and act unrecognizable when it happens. I hate being hurt and I hate anything that may resemble rejection. I don't want to go into rage
    Australianladybug Australianladybug 31-35, F 2 Responses Mar 31

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    BPD Last In Series~common Issues

    To close my Borderline Personality Disorder Series, I wanted to review some common traits and terms relating to BPD. I hope the series was informative and helpful. Some of the information below comes from two books that I highly recommend which are Stop Walking on Eggshells...
    ClinicallyClueless ClinicallyClueless 41-45, F 7 Responses Aug 19, 2008

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    Balancing in an unbalanced world.

    Walking on a tightrope with the wind blowing. Falling apart while simultaneously trying to catch the pieces. That's how I've been feeling the past month. It started with slowly slipping on important, healthy habits that I've worked so hard to build. My mistake though, was...
    greeneyes91 greeneyes91 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 29

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    Borderline is one of the most difficult things

    in the world. I was diagnosed 5yrs ago, and even putting a name to it, doesn't make it better. It's an everyday struggle, but with education, my endless books & faith...I've come very far in this short time. If anyone needs a friend, has a question, or just needs to talk...I...
    ElleLaLa ElleLaLa 26-30, F 6 Responses Feb 25

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    I hate when someone tells me to ignore the way

    I'm feeling and if I ignore it enough it will go away. You don't feel what I feel so stop trying to give me advice. It's so annoying and it doesn't just go away
    kristinaloo kristinaloo 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 1

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    If i say the sky are purple,

    how come everyone say they are blue? I can see it! its purple! its right there! like the rest of my mind and feelings, why wont you see it? why are you making me doubt myself?
    RoDeLeon RoDeLeon 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 30

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    I have been afraid for

    so long to say so. I am afraid of being this way, but when learning about BPD no matter where I looked (if it was an accurate source not like wikipedia) it was like reading a description of myself. I do not want to accept BPD, I am afraid of it.
    InsanitySpark InsanitySpark 13-15, F Apr 6

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Definitely feeling manic right now.

    I have been so productive it's insane. It almost seems like a good thing but I know that it will most likely interfere with my sleep tonight. I will probably go back to feeling depressed in a few days too. It sucks having such a predictable condition sometimes.
    HaileyBee92 HaileyBee92 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 1

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    the Baggage Poster "girl"----my Shame

    It all came to light this time last year. It was the first time i had heard this diagnosis on top of my now bi-polor disorder. Whatever... anyway it appears that i am a ******* mess all around. Ive over come and destroyed two marriages and have two beautiful boys. Which they tell...
    LOST27 LOST27 26-30, F 22 Responses Dec 1, 2006

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Today I woke up and had a great start to the day

    but somehow I have ended up back in bed feeling very reluctant to face the world today. I think right now I just need to take one day at a time. Even considering think a day ahead is almost too overwhelming. I might read my book, or even some of my DBT handouts from group...
    AmeliasDay AmeliasDay 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 2

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