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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,584 People

    I'm blowing everyone off.

    "I can't stay out late again." "I need to clean my room." "I'm not hungry." "I have stuff to do." "I want to come, but I don't know if I can." Bullshit. I'm just retreating back into my shell. I'm hiding. I don't want to blame it on the disorder, but then I'm stuck blaming it...
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, T 3 days ago

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    Lying in bed, I feel

    as though the life has been sucked out of me. No energy. My rooms smells of cigarettes and there are empty wine bottles on my floor. I lie in bed full clothed. Emotionally drained. I feel disabled with depression. I can't pull myself together to function today. I...
    busybrain busybrain 26-30, F 3 Responses Jun 22

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 142 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I'm obsessed with a man in a different country

    who doesn't want me so I'm intent on ruining his life.
    janiegirlUK janiegirlUK 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 25

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    Hope this helps. I came across a question

    somewhere about a guy who seemed to have textbook signs of bpd,and was in pain.I could not answer that question then,but I will answer it here. How do you get things done as a bpd? Do one thing.I mean,one browser sort of one thing.Do it all the time.I know other people do...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Jun 16

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    Having BPD, depression

    and social anxiety and trying to be a good wife and good mother is a big struggle. I know I'm not good enough for my husband, he deserves the world, someone who absolutely adores him and loves him. I'm always in doubt of my feelings, half of the time I barely want to get out of...
    queenofdragons8 queenofdragons8 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 13

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I am so empty feel lonely I love my husband

    like crazy then we fight and my love turns to anger and hate them I get depressed love him again it's a horrible cycle. Sometimes I feel like he should move on with his life I do stupid things in the moment that make me feel better but in the end it messes with my head and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jun 25

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    I think I should just die.

    No one gets alone with the real me. I have 1 friend and am losing a lover... * sigh*
    BurnMyDread BurnMyDread 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    I'm sitting here on my own sipping wine

    straight out the bottle, with the television playing in the background. I can feel a rage bubbling inside of me, I feel angry, hurt and let down by certain people. These are the people who are supposed to care for me, but they show me no love. I'm tired of being alone, I...
    busybrain busybrain 26-30, F 1 Response a week ago

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 9 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Just found out that I have Histronic P.

    O. not the bipolar I've been taking meds for years for. So down. What a mess I've become and what a fricken fool I've made over the years of myself.
    shaymenae shaymenae 46-50, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    The days are getting harder.

    And now that I have moved back into my mother's house... I find that I cannot control my anger and temper. I have never been an angry person so this sensation is new to me. Being surrounded by my mom and my sister who are both verbally abusive make me want to claw my eyeballs...
    anderablack anderablack 18-21, M 1 Response Jun 22

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    So, I wake up to find out my mom stopped my

    therapy. Told them I didn't need it anymore. I have bpd, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, ptsd, and 2 eating disorders.. I need my therapy. Why the hell would you do that? Stupid *****.
    Suicidekisses Suicidekisses 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    My Borderline personality disorder is ruining

    my life.The disorder make me very afraid of abandonment and have mood swings.I have a lot of anger and can't stand when people rejected me. I keep falling in love with authority figure woman i can never have. Right now i am in love with my social worker. :( Whenever i am...
    Iloveowl Iloveowl 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 25

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 24 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    There's nothing worse

    than trying to be happy, when ur not happy. Trying to be okay, when's nothings okay. Trying to live when everything makes you suffocate. Wanting to live but not being able 2. Having... you can't trust. Holding a knife to your wrist but can't cut. Realizing ur ****** up and...
    kayleisma kayleisma 22-25, F 3 Responses Jun 20

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    sadpotatochip sadpotatochip 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 6

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    No matter how normally we behave; no matter how

    much love , care and respect, the moment they know we have BPD, they choose to protect themselves and run away from us. Medications stabilises us. Why are we looked at differently?
    deceptiveoutofcloset deceptiveoutofcloset 26-30, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self...
    ReachingNirvana ReachingNirvana 22-25, M 5 Responses Jun 2, 2014

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    anyone with bpd on certain meds?

    im 40mg daily on prozac but i still have radical shift in mood and behavior so should i be on a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic?
    bloodyborgiabastard bloodyborgiabastard 26-30, M 5 Responses Jun 16

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    Okay, so I did it. I did the "right" thing.

    I did not get drunk, I did not cut. I took my meds like a nice compliant teenager... And now, I'm tired and cranky because that's what they do to me. I might not kill myself tonight, and I might not have done the "wrong" thing. But I still don't feel good about it.
    missmalky missmalky 18-21, T 4 Responses Jun 21

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    I am.beginning to feel I should not tell

    professionals I have borderline personality disorder. I should just say clinical depression.
    molliebawn31 molliebawn31 31-35, F 3 Responses Jun 6

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    I haven't been diagnosed with borderline

    personality but I know my behaviour isn't normal. I have an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. As a teenager I was anorexic, and I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. Three suicide attempts But I'm still here and I'm walking in the darkness of...
    busybrain busybrain 26-30, F 3 Responses Jun 18

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    So I'm due on Friday to get a diagnosis

    for what I'm sure will be borderline personally disorder. When I was younger I had a psychiatric assessment done and borderline was suggested but that I was to young for them to diagnose me being 17 at the time. Now 24 and a lot of unstable relationships later I'm determined to...
    Livingwithbpd Livingwithbpd 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    What an awful existence.

    A combination of childhood traumas and inherited brain chemistry, making one sad sack of a human being. Always jumping to the worst conclusion, always a wreck. How is it that I'm 29 and married to my best friend? Why would he put up with me for all these years?! I have good days...
    BigBaddaBoom BigBaddaBoom 26-30, F Jun 26

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    I'm in this state of euphoria at the moment

    where everything is going to be okay and I'm going to get a job and find somebody who'll love me but I'm lying to myself and i know deep down I'm really quite sad
    snowflxke snowflxke 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 14

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    I have BPD and feel that I am treated

    as a drama queen if I have to see a doctor or attend a& e. Since I have been diagnosed, my support system has disappeared with gps passing buck to psychiatrist to dbt training. I nearly threw myself in river last night...was talked down and ended up seeing a gp. She gave me...
    molliebawn31 molliebawn31 31-35, F 1 Response Jun 6

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 9

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    In the past month, a lot has happened.

    I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post, but I think it might help some of you to feel less alone. I hope it does. So. I dated a guy named Shawn for about 5 months last year. One day, he told me he had been talking about our relationship problems with his female...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 6 Responses May 10

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    I feel empty when I am bored.

    I don't have a strong sense of identity or purpose. I hate this feeling.
    CrazyDaisyeee CrazyDaisyeee 18-21, F Jun 22

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    Saw the movie shame.That is exactly how it is

    being borderline.I think I am somewhere in between.Being Demisexual,empath and borderline is a strange **** up of emotions.You have love addiction,you chase men like a drug,you fall for the ones who you know can't love you,yet you trade sex for a connect.And break down when it...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses May 8

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Me and my mum clash! She thinks I'm attention

    seeking, needy and self absorbed. I resent my mum, she brought me into this world against my will, and she shows me no love. I have never felt wanted or loved. Around her I feel on edge, I can never live up to her expectations and no matter how hard I try I can never be...
    busybrain busybrain 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 22

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