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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,223 People

    the Baggage Poster "girl"----my Shame

    It all came to light this time last year. It was the first time i had heard this diagnosis on top of my now bi-polor disorder. Whatever... anyway it appears that i am a ******* mess all around. Ive over come and destroyed two marriages and have two beautiful boys. Which they tell...
    LOST27 LOST27 26-30, F 22 Responses Dec 1, 2006

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I can't stand it anymore.

    .. all the emotional turmoil and chaos... I'm getting to the point where I don't even think other's with BPD understand how I feel! Yeah I can hope all I want for someone that try's to understand or at least tolerate me, the longer this goes on it seems the possibility of that...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Got The Diagnosis Today

    I am angry, I am very depressed. In short, I am everything that I have been these past several months since I left my abusive husband (for the last time, but I wonder if anyone believes me). Only now I feel insecure and worthless. The diagnosis of a personality disorder has been...
    StevensMommy StevensMommy 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2013

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    My trigger is usually high sexual drive

    or relationship issues.
    jumpingoffthecliff jumpingoffthecliff 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 2

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    I just want to blend in with the crowd.

    To not stick out because my anger shows as intense rage. To not get the side eye because I can cry at the change of the wind. To not appear attention starved because I've got low self esteem. To not be told I'm "choosing" to feel empty and depressed because I have a lot of...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F Aug 12

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    Anyone else have weeks

    where you stop talking to everyone on text and soci media just to see who would talk to you first or notice that something's weird/wrong? The best part is, is when hardly anyone realizes. Maybe they think you're busy and actually have a life and that's why you're not texting or...
    kbeary kbeary 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 10

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    Today I was very distant from my boyfriend.

    He noticed and asked me what was wrong. I didn't want to say because I knew it would make him mad, that he would just shut me out or say I'm crazy or retarded, that somehow me sharing my feelings and emotions is a problem. He insisted that he wanted to know, that he cared. So I...
    Serenity14 Serenity14 26-30, F 2 Responses Aug 4

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Once upon a time, my mother told me she loved

    how positive I was. She admired that I could see the good in anyone. I miss that. I was 8 years old when she said that, and I wish I could go back to being that person every day. Flash forward: I have had a horribly difficult time even convincing myself to reach out to anyone...
    iwanttolovemyself iwanttolovemyself 22-25 3 Responses Aug 11

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    It's been a rough couple of months

    for me and my BPD has been in high gear. I know it's there and it's not only making my life hard, but everyone around me as well...my daughter, my boyfriend and his 2 girls as well. There has been a lot of stress and change lately with moving to a different state, finances...
    Serenity14 Serenity14 26-30, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    Just got out of my second stint in the hospital.

    This time my parents said they weren't gonna foot the bill and put me on welfare... Ever since I've been diagnosed with BPD my family treats me like I have something contagious like AIDS or the ebola virus, even my gf said adios. Living by myself now, no job, no friends. Kinda...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    i feel like i cant go on i feel like full of

    dirt and have no energy i dont know how to get my feeling s out iffeel nothing i dont cant makr myself feel better it feels like ,y land;lords own me hes a control freak and he yells at me i cant take me people treating like dirt even though i dont knoqw how to trear myself...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Aug 1

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    does anyone else get sad

    when a friend doesn't consider you their best friend? Lol it's kinda stupid considering I don't call anyone my best friend, but I just get so jealous of my friend's friends. I get kind of upset and self conscious when they like another friend better than me. It makes me feel...
    kbeary kbeary 18-21, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 43 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Does anybody else deal with intrusive thoughts?

    And if so how do you manage them? How do you cope, get away from them?
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 6 Responses Aug 12

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    When I'm emotionally upset it's like the end of

    the world ... I also have bulimia and I always end up in crazy situations ... Being kidnapped in Monaco ... A plane crash ... Racing cars etc and I'm never satisfied!!!
    steph450bhp steph450bhp 26-30, M Aug 1

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 7 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    EP users and their character attacks.

    ... I'm not a pompous *******, although that would be the reaction that I would expect from someone with BPD, as that is how most of us assess most people until finding more healing and self awareness. So I understand and I certainly have no hard feelings for your attack on my...
    Ajushi Ajushi 31-35, M 2 Responses Aug 8

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    I was diagnosed about 5 years ago

    after attempting suicide. I went through DBT therapy and worked hard to "fix" myself. I manage life so much better now. It doesn't even feel like I have to use any of the skills anymore. They just come naturally. I thought I was "healed."I should come with a warning label...
    jennaporter jennaporter 36-40, F 3 Responses Aug 2

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    Its actually quite fascinating

    when you learn the gears behind BPD. Knowledge is the key. Reset your minds and start again. Learn how to live with BPD now that you are given the chance.
    TommieLee TommieLee 22-25 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Borderline and bipolar recoveree.

    I wanna feel normal again.
    jumpingoffthecliff jumpingoffthecliff 26-30, F Aug 2

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    BPD Last In Series~common Issues

    To close my Borderline Personality Disorder Series, I wanted to review some common traits and terms relating to BPD. I hope the series was informative and helpful. Some of the information below comes from two books that I highly recommend which are Stop Walking on Eggshells...
    ClinicallyClueless ClinicallyClueless 41-45, F 7 Responses Aug 19, 2008

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    Everybody hates me. How am I going to love

    myself if no one ever loves me. My life is just ****, and each day I just want to dump more and more pills down my throat. The days, months, years go by and my depression just gets worse and my desire to die just keeps pressing more and more. Soon enough I will become just dort...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response a week ago

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I just found out I'm Borderline today

    and personally I'm scared. Everything I've read about it says that it's so hard to treat but I don't want to feel this way anymore right now. I haven't told anyone because I'm afraid of how they'll look at me. I just really hate myself right now, just for being alive.
    gochickinparty gochickinparty 16-17, F 2 Responses Aug 7

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    I have Borderline Personalitч Disorder,

    these past few weeks have been at its worst. I have attempted suicide twice & failed, and currentlч still self harm, I live with mч boчfriend & his mum dad & brother. They know of my depression now as i was in the psych ward for the sucidial attempts, I see home treatment...
    BeBeautiful95 BeBeautiful95 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 3 Responses Jul 7

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    Or so I think. But don't we all?

    Life has become increasingly difficult by my standards and it's just enough to not make me want to excel at anything fruitful or have the motivation to follow up with my deepest ambitions. Many of which are shrouded by the present and my way of thinking: extreme. And hey! I'm...
    Keldeo Keldeo 22-25 1 Response 2 days ago

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Check out this link!!

    !! New scientific research on BPD and how the brain functions for people who have been diagnosed with this disorder. Enlightening and informative. Hope this can help somebody. Much love xoxo http://news.utoronto.ca/understanding-borderline-personality-disorder
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Aug 5

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    I need people the way alcoholics need

    alcohol It's taken me a long time to come to that understanding, but it's the truth. The BPD side of me craves validation and attention with the same ferocity that an alcoholic craves alcohol. It's not a healthy craving, because healthy cravings can be happily satisfied for a...
    AnxietyReactor AnxietyReactor 36-40, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Wish their was more advice

    for people who have bpd on how to deal with it. So much online about how to deal with someone with bpd but nothing for me. Just want my relationship to work but can't keep my self under control. He's past such a breaking point that he can't even look at me the same. Told me all...
    awmusic awmusic 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 4

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 6 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 136 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    For a long time I have felt different,

    I got attached to people to easy & too quick! I quickly feared abandonment, real or imagined, I sometimes get raging anger that I cannot control where I just want to die, Sometimes I'm numb, and feel dead inside like a zombie. Borderline Personality Disorder is a hard life to...
    BeBeautiful95 BeBeautiful95 18-21, F 1 Response a week ago

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    Got told today that I don't give the attention

    that is needed. Blatantly pointed out how I'm hot one second, cold the next. I can see the mood changes now. Can almost feel like a switch going off every time I change from one mood to the next. Like I'm watching myself from the outside. Today was a very very bad day. One of my...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 11

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 10 Responses Feb 25

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    It's kinda sad to read these other

    "experiences" of people who have dated someone with BPD. I guess thinking about it from their perspective it is a bit overwhelming to date someone with BPD, let's face it, it's a disorder, plain and simple. I also lost the love of my life, I said so many horrible things to her...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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