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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,310 People

    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 138 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 9 Responses Feb 25

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 1

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    im tired of life im worn out tired of getting

    up iwent to therapy yesterday they dont really help ast mental health just talk about balance my pain is too much i feel like i live in undergreound hole my basemebt sweet i dont knowhow toget better tired and worn out and weak and feel little i guess i dont know how ufeel what...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 6 days ago

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    What are the best pills to take to kill

    yourself? I'm doing it tonight
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 9 Responses 6 days ago

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 17 hrs ago

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    I hate it that I'm alone.

    I hate it that I can't look at myself in the mirror. I hate it that if I were to die today, right now, nobody would miss me. I hate my dreams because they give me a taste of a life that I will never have. I hate myself and I dont know what to do anymore.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 5 Responses Oct 19

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    I'm sorry if you're a close friend

    and I asked why'd you leave me it's because I don't put in any effort to maintain contact and feel as if when you don't talk to me you don't care or simply think that I'm a pile of sh*t. It's all in my head again? I'm sorry I really am but it feels as if you'd abandoned be like...
    SwanNual SwanNual 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I just lost my mind a few hours ago

    and went on a rant for hours I apologize. Everyone's afraid of me now, right? Sorry I'll pay for all the sins soon.
    SwanNual SwanNual 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    I have not been diagnosed by a clinical

    psychiatrist, but I have never been so sure of something.
    Plutonianbabe Plutonianbabe 18-21, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28

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    So everyone "pray" for me.

    To whatever you believe in, pray that my boyfriend never leaves me and I finally get my happy ending.. Way to much past trauma to deal with another heartbreak... Especially since this is the first time I've been truly in love. Sorry if this is selfish to ask. But I really need...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    I am extremely shallow with emotions concerning

    looks, so people I find attractive and change my mood very fast I cry, starve myself or even cut myself if I feel hated and disliked by them. My emotions are very shallow I act childish needy and irrationally around people I like. I'm like a five years old trapped in an adult...
    SwanNual SwanNual 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    It's one of those days

    where I just want to pound my head against the wall until it bleeds..
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 4 Responses Oct 20

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    My dear fellow BPDs We have to remind each

    other that we are strong enough to get through another day. I know it's hard to breathe, and to smile, but push forward! We all have beautiful personalities, and we are incredibly smart and compassionate. And to all of those who misjudge us, and criticizes us...I can sincerely...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 17

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Is it in my nature to lie

    and manipulate others by using exaggeration? It's all true I exaggerated everything
    SwanNual SwanNual 22-25, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    I have been good for a while,

    I've been taking my medications and went through some things which aren't that good and I was still ok. I do not know what is happening right now, because last few days I'm feeling down, it's like my demons are starting to wake up and I don't know why. If i take a realistic...
    faceless84 faceless84 22-25 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 3 Responses Jul 7

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 5 Responses Sep 1

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    My boyfriend and I of two years have not spoken

    in 3 days...The longest we have ever gone (aside from his time in the military). It was an amazing romance for a long time. I graduated college in June and came home. He still lives a few hours away, but we were making it work. Yet, it seems that is when the problems started. 3...
    Nicoleashleyxo Nicoleashleyxo 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    I always want to be somewhere else

    or with someone else... rather than where I am or who I'm with. Why am I so LISTLESS? Why am I so hard to please? To entertain? Sometimes, all I want is someone who GETS me. I know a guy who gets me. And deep down, I want him. He doesn't feel the same way though. That...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 2 Responses Oct 21

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    I feel like each day I keep evolving into this

    person that I don't even know and that I definitely don't want to be..
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 2 days ago

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    I've been feeling so worthless lately.

    I've applied for numerous jobs, and I can't even be called in for one interview. It's like having a college degree is a negative thing. I'm sick of asking my parents for money just so I can pay my bills, and I'm sick of my fiancée constantly pushing me. Can't they see that I'm...
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F Oct 18

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    I just got my diagnosis a few days ago,

    and I'm so disturbed to know the truth.. I've always known about the depression, and it felt good to be able to label the anxiety disorder, and 'panic attacks' but I don't know how to cope with this new one..
    Shaaydixie Shaaydixie 16-17, F 4 days ago

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    I miss how beautiful

    and happy I used to be before everything..
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I really don't know how much longer my fiancee

    will be able to put up with me.. Lately I've been screaming and yelling at her for barely anything at all and it's like it just comes out of nowhere and I don't really realize it's happening until it's over.
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 2 days ago

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    I went to the psychiatric unit in the hospital

    and the psychiatrist didn't take me seriously, I'm having another panic attack, no one will help me or listen to me everyone's against me I ******* NEED HELP all this has done is give me more motivation to kill myself
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    I feel embarrassed that I'm in a mental hospital

    because of my bf leaving me. Obviously I'm here for other reasons too but that's the main one and I just feel like such an outcast. Who the **** needs to go to a mental institution because of a breakup. And I'm so ******* mad that he left me. I don't know what to do with all...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    Tomorrow is my day off from work

    and I have made a to do list for tomorrow so I don't get bored, sad and lonely. Here is my list: 1. Clean up the house 2. Go for a half an hour walk 3. Do my exercises and weight lifting 4. Bring my kitten outside so she can play 5. Visit with my mom. 6. Wash my car 7. Cook...
    AngelMom062013 AngelMom062013 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I get so lonely and empty.

    I want so badly to be close to people and have meaningful conversations all the time. I have so much need for attention that I hate myself for it. I've always grown up thinking that wanting attention is a bad thing, so I constantly feel the need to punish myself to be clean...
    SimiRayea SimiRayea 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 21

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    Whenever I get upset about something

    and try to talk it out, I feel like whoever I am talking to thinks that I am imagining the whole situation. Sometimes I feel like my parents hate me or they like my sister better than me and when I try to tell them how I feel they have no idea what I'm talking about. Similar...
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I have made a few friends at work

    and have hung out. I thought they were great and then today at the movies we were walking in the door and I looked at him and I was repulsed like I hated him. I hate that aspect of BPD. Loving someone one moment and then they say or do something and u instantly don't like them...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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