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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,436 People

    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    i need to vent feeling down ive been feeling

    severly depressed i talked to my a hole brother tonite he startewd councelling wanting to take his anger out on me saying the family cant handle4 me causer its all the same i vnever want to see that persob in my life anymor ehes a creep cant look at hoim self i wanted to end my...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 21

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    If you are never sure

    when you are euphoric,you are actually happy,or when you are devastated you are actually devastated.Or that people in your life mean that much to you,or whether you hate them that much.If you don't know what you believe in for sure,or what you unabashedly don't,because within a...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 22

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    Why do I find the worst people in the world

    and get close to them? My "best friend" beat me up and choked me just cause she was under the influence of alcohol...and I'm not aggressive to other people, I am only aggressive to myself. My "best friend" told me to get out of her car and I did. And I called to get picked...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 15

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    i just need to vent i feel

    so lonely i dont know how to cope qwith this illness im tired i dont even know how to live this fricken life everyday is just a fight for survival mood low i feel a fraid att ime si feel like this is torture im sick and fricken tired of this illnes sim sure you guys feel the...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M Feb 18

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    They say if you die suddenly,

    your life flashes before your eyes. I have been slowly dying for close to fifteen years, all I have seen are other people's lives.
    rorenchan rorenchan 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 141 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11, 2014

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I haven't posted in a while

    because I've been dealing with a lot of emotions and depression. My students are what makes me smile each day when I'm feeling so horribly down. Especially at work, the fear that no one likes me or wants to be around me is ever present in my mind. I try to ignore but it gnaws at...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Let's put it in a poem.

    Emptiness and Longing for someone gone anyone? Two open papers, To stem down a heartache ebbing, Deeper than my skin,my heart, my soul, Like a blackhole emptying through me, Asking for a sacrifice to end it, I have nothing to give here, No love, last trifles of existence...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 16

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    i need to vent im feeling angry

    and dark i feel like im not as good everyday is woth i feel like its harder to get through the day ialso feel like i need to vent or flip out im so depressed i dont know whatto fricken do i feel l8ke i dont have a parent i dont like to go out side i went to the denturist...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 17

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    So here is something I figured out.

    borderlines like me, work on either extreme love or extreme hatred, anger and consequent impulsive behaviors for that. Today I was working and found a way to channel my inner hatred /anger or just the feeling want to run and disappear. 1.instead of the mindset of love your work...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 11

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    i dont care i need to vent i could never say

    how im feeling to my sick family abused neglected im so angry insid enobody lets me express myself i dont think i treally like my family i believe they tell lies about me secrets my brother is a sick fricken abusiver bully i dont understand my pain will not going out i think...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Feb 22

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Things are perfect on paper.

    I got enough to be working,doing a bit that I want to,and being able to plan for the future,maybe a masters.I have friends who love me,and people who validate me ,and all those who broke me are away from me.Why can't I just be happy. I have exes who call me,and things I do to...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Feb 20

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 23 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 18-21, F 7 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    I'm starting a self-help support group in London

    for all those (including families and friends) affected by BPD. Please contact me on lisagao at hotmail.co.uk /07886528941if you would like to participate.
    lg274 lg274 26-30, F Feb 10

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    I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder

    with Borderline Traits. Professionals are reluctant to give a full BPD diagnosis because I'm not a cutter and had been able to hold down a job for many years. I am now in my late 4o's. I have suffered with many of the symptoms for most of my life. I have also out grown a few...
    RayneBeauHill RayneBeauHill 46-50, F 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    So I had these constant heart aches

    since the morning,and I was looking for cause and cues,and any time when I was actually happy,perfectly happy,and what did I do wrong since then. Then I realize ,I never was.Not that my life has been miserable,I had a good childhood,it is just that I never learned to be not...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    Today was quite a roller coaster.

    Fast mood swings from extreme happiness to the lowest of lows all day. I'm beginning to wonder if Wellbutrin stopped working. It really takes every thing out of me and things have been getting worse lately.
    keekzie keekzie 22-25, T 1 Response 1 day ago

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    When I'm in a relationship I feel like the guy

    has a moral obligation to stay with me. My ex left me and it caused me to be suicidal. He broke my heart with no remorse. There was no way for me to change his mind. And then he comes crawling back after I try and move on and haven't spoken to him in at least a months time. As...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 11

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    Why do I still snap..

    . thought I had it under control...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 2 Responses Feb 11

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I was recently diagnosed with BPD

    and I'm struggling to come to terms with it.. By that I mean, it hasn't quite sunk in yet. What do I do? What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to feel..
    dte21 dte21 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    It's like living in constant fear of--not IF--

    but WHEN the person you love will leave you. It's terrible.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses