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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,483 People

    Let's create a resource thread.

    So many times I feel isolated and don't know where to turn for help. Maybe we can all band together and share our resources for getting treatment or managing our disorder. Websites: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills__defined_.html Books: Mindfulness for Borderline...
    IamLisaSimpson IamLisaSimpson 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 1

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    This is my first time posting on EP,

    so bear with me. Also, keep in mind that doctors and therapists are not 100% of my BPD diagnosis-- I also have dissociation, ADHD, and panics. If you mix those with my depression, anger, riskiness, and self-injury, it appears to be Borderline. As early as age 5, I would have...
    DepressedDemigod DepressedDemigod 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 1

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    I'm 21 suffering with borderline personality

    disorder along with depression and anxiety. I've been dealing with this since I was 11 and my mom remarried a Disney style evil step dad (he abused me and my family for years). I cut myself, I'm a mess and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I'm just ready to end it...
    knittingpretty22 knittingpretty22 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 24

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    i really dont know much to say except im tired

    of life getting up everyday today i deceded to clean my house i told my mom i cant talk to her right now as i just cant be in her life right now i have so many issues eating issues not wanting to get out of the house i think i just dont like my home town i always just have to...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 23

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    most of the ppl who say the are bpd

    and not been diagnose by a professional. ive taken a lot of test , and it comes up that i have strong indicators of it , they confirmed i do have depression and along with my bulimia, it would make a lot more sense than if i had bipolar 2. The only symptom i dont have is the...
    WhiteRice14 WhiteRice14 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 31

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    Rest

    Most time people don't get it. they think when you say you just want to die, you want to in a sense end your life or kill yourself and get away from everybody and just leave them. when most times what you mean is that you just want to finally REST you just want to finally BREATHE...
    Vusi321 Vusi321 18-21, M 9 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    Borderliners?Wanna try this?

    I am gonna make this the new script for my diary entries format.So I will start filling these,instead of the pain I normally do.Oh,and the flow thing is hilarious. Borderliners are always in flow,we need to stop being focused at the problem that is eating us.Thus ,perhaps...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 days ago

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I only found out that I had this diagnosis

    when I requested access to my medical notes. I had been diagnose with BPD for a long time and no one told me. I was initially diagnosed with depression and my treatment team and hospital staff were very kind then. Once I was diagnosed with BPD people seemed to think that I...
    LinkinParkMuse LinkinParkMuse 26-30, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    Someone should check my posts

    and their dramatic change of emotional stand for explanation of borderline pd.I am much better now.And while my emotional self is still cringing at the abandonment,my rational self finally sees the light at the end of the tunnel,and I get to see the disastrous "diary" entries I...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 142 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I'm at a weekend away with a club I'm part of,

    and someone when they were drunk said "No one likes you Amber, you should just leave." I know that if I think about this logically, he was drunk, and we have spoken about it and he said he didn't mean it. But the thing is, I already believe that about myself, and for someone to...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F Mar 30

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    You know when you just have those days

    when you just break? You can't fake it anymore? Today was that day for me. I was going to attempt suicide last night because I got rejected by people who I thought were my friends, but stopped myself after 8 pills. Today I had the emotional hangover from that with the added...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 20

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    I have BPD. Usually I'm quite depressed

    or apathetic. Occasionally, for no reason, I will wake up feeling great. Energetic, joyful, smart, and insightful. Music has deeper meaning. Them next day I realize I was acting strange and doing things that are out of character for me. Almost like I was drunk. Is this normal...
    caly94 caly94 31-35, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M Apr 1

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    im not sure why im writing everydat i find is

    hell and struggling i do not feel connected i have therapy to day at mental heath i dtread going ouy there is in a badf s[pot im severly depressed i cant handle this anymore but reALLY IF I GO OUT THERE THEY DONT DO NOTHING FOR ME I CANNOT SEE AWAY OUT I DONT WANT TO BE AROUND...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses Mar 31

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    i woke up to early 300pm.

    now im tired i feel like im in lala land i must be shut off noytthing matters pain pain thats all i know abuse is all i know abusr to me with food over eating oh well im not really hear so disconnected i dont want o wake up in the morning but i do keep on going god knows why you...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 4 Responses Apr 5

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    I'm actually not quite sure

    if I do or not, but when I was still 17, my psychiatrist said she wanted to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder after I turned 18. I've looked into it, and I fit the mold quite well, as I have for several years. My emotions are out-of-control, and the only way I can...
    Boulier Boulier 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 10

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    I need to try to stop having "episodes"

    when I'm with my friends... but also getting to the point where I don't give a crap what they think anymore... If I'm gonna be alone anyway better sooner than later, maybe I should just be proactive and not hang with them anymore if they're gonna get pissed and **** off...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Apr 8

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    hollaem hollaem 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    hello im feeling dark miserabkevery lonely my

    mind im tired of fighting this i dont know how to cope with this i think i feel angry im not sure whant to be set free my angry teenager is miserable in pain i dont know how to heal myself i keep looking for father figures im not healthy my mood is up and down i wanto cry i want...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    should I welcome death

    and end my misery.
    knittingpretty22 knittingpretty22 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 24

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    It's just not getting easier.

    How can do many amazing things be going on in my life yet I am still consumed with depression, sadness, lonliness, and feeling like trash?
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 2 Responses Mar 31

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Today is one of "those" days.

    I feel ugly, stupid, pathetic, meaningless to anyone, looked over, not cared about and like everyone is looking at me thinking that I'm crazy. I hate these days. The feelings are so intense
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    So many times I've read people here

    that are having difficulties with their relationships and I so feel for the pain and confusion they're in. I've been through my own and so has my wife but the wonderful part is we've seen our way through to the other side and it is wonderful to be able to do that for her and for...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M Mar 18

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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