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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,285 People

    Today. Oh today. I just figured I'd stop with

    trying and work on my marriage. If he wants me the way I am...help me...Be my best friend again....he can reach out. I'm tired of clawing at walls. I may be paranoid but sometimes a woman's intuition is right. I may "feel feelings" a bit much ....but ....I'm trying. Yes. I cut...
    skinfeeder skinfeeder 26-30 2 Responses Sep 21

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    I currently split with my partner of 4 yrs.

    ..he was cheating...i feel lost, sad, low..im drinking way to much, i just want the hurting to stop but it never does
    ginganut84 ginganut84 26-30, F 3 Responses Sep 21

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    I hate this. It makes me overly sensitive

    and irritable. My emotions go so far up and so far down so quickly. I can't tell what I should feel so I just pretend like everything is fine, but I hate pretending. I want to be able to say what I feel without someone telling me I'm overreacting. But that won't happen so I just...
    CleverName94 CleverName94 18-21, F 4 Responses Sep 21

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    Ok uhh, talked with my psychiatrist yesterday

    and we decided to try a three week trial period of no meds! So I'm one day in and I'm getting serious withdrawals... I'm cycling so fast through emotions, going high and low! I haven't experienced this since before I started the meds, which was years ago, so this like new (and...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Sep 10

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8

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    Hello Guys, I am just new here.

    I see myself as a normal college student who has different group of friends. But other people sees me as a person who has BPD. I dont what it is at first but Im the type of person who easy to change my mood. My classmates said that there are times that I am so energetic and very...
    rui1074 rui1074 16-17, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 138 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 9 Responses Feb 25

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    Well EP keeps censoring me.

    ..so either I'm too sick or they're PMS'ing!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 2 Responses Sep 19

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    just wanted to share something with you guys

    if you go on youtube click on bpd videos there is music and it has words i find it gives me relief try it if you cant relief
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 4 days ago

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    It's getting harder and harder at work to

    control my mood changes. I'm a teacher and must be positive at all times at work and it's hard to do when you are screaming on the inside and just want to break down. I've started back emotional eating and have gained 6 pounds. I feel unworthy of everything. I feel bad for the...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 5 Responses Sep 1

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    Waiting outside my psychiatrist's office!

    What to talk about today?
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 1 Response Sep 9

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    i need to write i get up in the morning im

    tired all the time im probably in my head i believe being overweight for me i cant stand do i stick to something know last nite i called my mom to see how shes doing as she has had to go for a cat scan on her lungs of course i think shes going to leave i guess that abndonment...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    This is ruining my life.

    Impulses I can't control. Anger I cant maintain. Such deep brutal feelings. Scars from head to toe, self inflicted, done so I didn't have to feel my insides. Alcoholism to try and deal with anxiety but only leads to more problems and emotions. Insomnia. Bulimia because I'm never...
    skinfeeder skinfeeder 26-30 3 Responses Sep 20

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    I see people so happy,

    with friends and a significant other. And then there's me. I'm so terrified I will spend my life alone. My loneliness is all thanks to my BPD. I just push so many people away. I push friends away. I push bfs away. I just push away every potential relationship/friendship that...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 34 Responses May 8, 2012

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 1

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    hi just need to vent not feeling well i feel

    like im going off the deep end i dont like getting up in the morning anymore i want to avoid the night time when i get my cycle my disorder is worse i head is messed up i feeel like a teenager at imes afraid to grow up doe sthat make sense i swear i like to inflict pain on...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 3 Responses Sep 17

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    Who the **** am I????

    ? I'm so beyond confused right now. It seems like since I got diagnosed idk what was really me and what was the disorder. My anger is irrational, I fall in love way too easily. I'm constantly back and forth with relationships. Low self esteem. Low sense of self worth. I thought...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 11

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 3 Responses Jul 7

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    I experience what they call

    "imagined/hallucination of rejection" all the time when I go out or even here online. So I'm a ticking time bomb my emotion's all over the place and anyone who truly cares for me will eventually give up or be so exhausted they'd get angry at me.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 15

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    i need to vent i just feel like i cant go on i

    dont like men sorry yesterdsy imade myself step out in the world go to my friends store to visit i diidnt get home until ten then i have to listen to my sicjk fricken ignorant landlord who weras me out who take shis fricken crap pout on me im fricken done im not wanting to go...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I am recently out of the "denial"

    that I have a disorder. I am consciously aware that the thought processes within my neurological wiring are malfunctioning. I have the behaviors of a two year old child and when it comes to relationships I am beyond selfish. I am good in the beginning as I am praised however...
    utteringartist87 utteringartist87 26-30 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I think the pills I take could be working

    but just not in the right way? I take Effexor and Sulpiride. I think they are giving me headaches and also causing me not to care about anything, I don't do homework for school I postpone everything and I just don't have any will to do anything. I end up doing the things I have...
    Beatles22 Beatles22 26-30, F 2 Responses Sep 8

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    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 2 Responses Sep 7

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    and it's taken over my entire life.

    When I read about others having the disorder, I shift from feeling comforted (when I am relating to their symptoms) to utter hopelessness because of the effects it has had on my decision-making and social functioning. I know that I probably have more disorders than just BPD...
    jasiilovely jasiilovely 22-25, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    sorry i need to vent i have no energy dont

    want to go on i dont want to go on anbymore i feel like such a fat pig i think of certain people i want to do myself im i cant take the pain i despise myself im addicted to abuse i dont care anymore i want to sleep i cant feel my pain i feel like a little kid i let myself go in...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 3 Responses Sep 18

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    i need to vent i called my brother today big

    fricken mistaken anyways i was telling him about my situation with a my landlord controlling me hes a hole iwasnt being mindful anywas then he tells me you have to grow up i hate the guys hes my brother and he upsets me so i reacted it to post it on face bookthat i never want...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 5 Responses Sep 13

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    To all with BPD- have you found someone

    who truly loves you for you? And who is willing to take care of you when you are having an episode? I'm so scared I will never find someone who will put up with this emotional baggage. I can't even handle it myself. I just need someone who will put effort into keeping me happy...
    kbeary kbeary 18-21, F 7 Responses 6 days ago

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    Well just been diagnosed with bpd

    and adhd on top of that so just starting to get my head around it all so hope meet other and talk to them about it all
    philipm42 philipm42 41-45, M 1 Response Sep 9

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    im feeling down im not sure what to write i

    feel like i want to give up i feel imature to day nothing works i feel like im just donr everyone is too nice i have a part that doesnt deserve anything i feel like im not functioning the darkness i dont want to do anything aanymore i always feel like i needa mom i think my...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses Sep 9

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    how do you love your self

    as i loathe myself i need love but cant receive my kid parts super angry at my parents as when i was younger i needproper parents and it so affected big time i have bad habits i need to get rif of and over the years ive let myself go i feel like i have an addictive personality...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 3 Responses Sep 11

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    I started regularly weekly therapy 5 years ago

    after a lifetime of severe trauma. I was immediately diagnosed with BPD. Actually, I was pretty thrilled to know there was a real explanation for "me". Having BPD is a struggle. Everything is too intense. And it hurts. I promise you've never felt pain like it. It's the most...
    AlleywayGospel AlleywayGospel 26-30, F 2 Responses Sep 12

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    I have BPD and am in a serious live-in

    relationship. Things are rough, at best, mostly because of my own debilitating issues. Also, I feel so alone. How can you BE with someone and yet be totally alone? I feel more alone than I did when I was truly alone. I'm really fighting the urge to cut. I'm at the point...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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