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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,461 People

    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    I am really feeling it right now.

    I can't shake it.I think I will hibernate today. also thinking of calling Dr for med increase. ugh
    mia4MyLady mia4MyLady 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 12

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    should I welcome death

    and end my misery.
    knittingpretty22 knittingpretty22 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    i dont know why im writing im in

    so much dark mental agony i dont wan to face the world so rage i hatew the way i feel nothing helps i get up then go to be dagain my mood is so low im so fricken miserable no tears no nothing just fat ugly im tired as im over weight im shameful to go out itd just how im feeling...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 20

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    im not feeling well in

    so much pain i awear i did it to myself fricken depressed and the pain doesnt come out when and got my hair done look so fine but your rotting insid ei feel like im screaming insid eid idnt go to therapy yesterday as i hate mentasl health i hate me i couldnt stop eating...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses Mar 10

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    My borderline personality disorder has made me

    see the havoc I cause in people's lives and I'm regretting things I've done. I completely slandered my ex when I was splitting and exaggerated everything making it sound horrendous. Can I fix this? And how? I was wrong about everything I said to my friends and family and made...
    mconner1030 mconner1030 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 15

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    It's so hard to get out of bed in the mornings

    when you have no idea how your day could go. I wake up like a blank slate and then whoever I spend my time with tends to define how I feel for the day, and that sucks so badly. I wish I were more in control. I know that maybe one day I will be, but it scares me that if somebody...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    I stole my boyfriend from someone else

    and now I am unable to trust him. We've known each other for a long time. I always knew he liked me but I friend-zoned him. After all, he was involved with the girl who would eventually become his ex-wife and mother of his now 6 year old son. I remember how he treated me back...
    elocinitis elocinitis 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 5

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    I only found out that I had this diagnosis

    when I requested access to my medical notes. I had been diagnose with BPD for a long time and no one told me. I was initially diagnosed with depression and my treatment team and hospital staff were very kind then. Once I was diagnosed with BPD people seemed to think that I...
    LinkinParkMuse LinkinParkMuse 26-30, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    The rage is is so tiring.

    My dogs were barking at something (innocent right)? Not with BPD. I don't remember the last time screaming like that. My dogs fled from me. I feel like a monster. It's not like normal people where you get rage periodically. As my therapist says I have two emotions...
    Riprovo Riprovo 31-35, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    So many times I've read people here

    that are having difficulties with their relationships and I so feel for the pain and confusion they're in. I've been through my own and so has my wife but the wonderful part is we've seen our way through to the other side and it is wonderful to be able to do that for her and for...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M Mar 18

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    You know when you just have those days

    when you just break? You can't fake it anymore? Today was that day for me. I was going to attempt suicide last night because I got rejected by people who I thought were my friends, but stopped myself after 8 pills. Today I had the emotional hangover from that with the added...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 20

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    ... And I desperately need someone to talk to

    who understands the need to flee their problems. When they can't run from themselves. I AM my problems. ASAP. Please!!!!!
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    Today is one of "those" days.

    I feel ugly, stupid, pathetic, meaningless to anyone, looked over, not cared about and like everyone is looking at me thinking that I'm crazy. I hate these days. The feelings are so intense
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 24 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    I was diagnosed almost two years ago (although

    I've struggled with its symptoms as far back as I can remember). Yet even now when I tell people I have it - I guess because I find it best to start new relationships with a disclaimer - I get this general reaction: a befuddled, concerned look typically followed by the question...
    vagabondthrone vagabondthrone 22-25, M 3 Responses Mar 6

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I'm 21 suffering with borderline personality

    disorder along with depression and anxiety. I've been dealing with this since I was 11 and my mom remarried a Disney style evil step dad (he abused me and my family for years). I cut myself, I'm a mess and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I'm just ready to end it...
    knittingpretty22 knittingpretty22 18-21, F 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    i really dont know much to say except im tired

    of life getting up everyday today i deceded to clean my house i told my mom i cant talk to her right now as i just cant be in her life right now i have so many issues eating issues not wanting to get out of the house i think i just dont like my home town i always just have to...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    One of the symptoms of BPD is an unstable sense

    of self, and I hate it so much. My self worth literally changes depending on who I'm with. Someone who used to be my best friend used my mental health against me, she said I was interpreting her behaviour wrong like i had in the past, but this time it was her being mean, and...
    Ambernonymous Ambernonymous 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    I could really use and appreciate some help,

    your experience and input. I'm studying BPD psychopathology and there is something that is so conflicting for me. I'm really struggling with the accuracy of what I'm reading. It's not my experience or belief. Here it is: "Mentalization is the ability to interpret the...
    Altruistrick Altruistrick 56-60, M 6 Responses Mar 13

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    So a friend of mine (who is not bpd) on EP said

    this about me, "It's like sometime you want to talk but other times you are like in another dimension and ignoring everyone." I dissociate and I tend to withdraw.I am an in-acting borderline.It is like being in a glass shell that catches fire,or the oxygen dies of once a while...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    I have started writing a blog.

    Please take a look. Read, Like, Comment, Share etc.. dionnetyler.wordpress.com
    dte21 dte21 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    I just have to accept the fact

    that no guy is ever gonna want to keep me around. I used to say I live for love, and now i don't know what the **** I live for. Life is one ****** up cycle of ****** up **** happening in ****** up orders because of ****** up circumstances and everything is ******. And I feel...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 10 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    Love and Courage!! For us

    that have made it so far.Unbowed.Undefeated.Not giving up,just yet. Invictus Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F Mar 13

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    I want to die. I'm so well informed about how

    borderline behavior seeps into my every waking moment that I have started to second guess every feeling I have. Am I allowed to be angry at my husband or am I just being mean? Am I being insensitive or do I actually deserve some quiet time to space out and play on my phone...
    jennaporter jennaporter 36-40, F 1 Response Mar 13

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 9

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 8 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    How do I know if I'm really ruining life's?

    I'm causing people pain just by being me by being alive. They all say suicide is wrong but if I'm that bad then why is it not acceptable?
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 18

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I'm writing this in an effort to reach out

    and make sense of what's happening inside. At times I feel completely normal and then sometimes I feel batshit crazy, all within a few minutes. I haven't been formally diagnosed with BPD, but I'm 99.9% sure it's what I have. I fit all the criteria for it. I'm extremely self...
    adub2222 adub2222 31-35, M 3 Responses Mar 16

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    I have just recently found out

    that I am pregnant. Yes, I am excited. But, I'm also terrified because of the havoc pregnancy is already wreaking on my fragile emotional state. As a woman diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I am prone to extremely volatile emotions as well as intense fears of...
    whiskeyprincess37 whiskeyprincess37 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 5

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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