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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,305 People

    Escape From Borderland

       I wrote an essay on borderline personality disorder awhile ago, I hope it helps some of you. I realize that it's kind of long but I included some information as well as my experience with it. Enjoy!!      A person...
    Skyyyy Skyyyy 18-21, F 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    So Sick Of Being Angry And Unsatisified

    It's ******* exhausting always being angry and mean ... When we all know deep down we are hurting so bad that's why we're being mean but we can't ******* stop it if we try our hardest - not fair And other people thinking were crazy or just a bad person bc it is impossible or...
    sunsetsandbeaches sunsetsandbeaches 22-25 7 Responses Dec 22, 2011

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    I have a question for those of you

    who have bpd or know about it, do you have problems eating? I have appetite problems, I sometimes only eat when I'm craving something specific and sometimes I lose my appetite for long periods of time. When I haven't eaten for awhile and I know I should be hungry, I can't figure...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    Acting On Impluse;

    you're broke, yet you spend. you're upset, and you cut. you need people and comfort yet you push away and leave. you smoke, you drink you doing everything to block in out. but you need to let it out.
    hellokaytee hellokaytee 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 138 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    I believe my mothers behaviour

    and the emotional abuse she put my sister and I through as kids is a significant factor as to why I've developed brain damage. I'm at a family dinner and her presence was a trigger for me, I was agitated and needed space so I moved from the living room to the kitchen. She...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 10

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 5 Responses May 12, 2013

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    And I have FINALLY broken up with

    and moved out from the boyfriend. It means I'm living at home with my ailing elderly father and 40 year old unemployed brother... But at least I liberated myself from a relationship that was causing me prolific stress! Now... If only I can keep convincing myself that I'm...
    DanicaER DanicaER 36-40, F 3 Responses Oct 8

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    im feeling tired of life can anyone tell me

    why people cant fucntion i dont know if i told you guys my mom was diagnosed with cancer a couple days ago i dont even know what to say i feel like im in a kid mode i cant grow im so fat im just so tired always needing as dad i hate depression as i feel so alone in this world my...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses Oct 5

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    I am going to make a full recovery,

    live a wonderful life and have a family one day and be a good mother to my future children and a wonderful partner for my boyfriend. I WILL accomplish this!
    AngelMom062013 AngelMom062013 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    Do you ever have that feeling

    where you *need* to finish everything important you've ever wanted to do right now, end up with several messes, failed projects and an extreme feeling of agitation that it'll never never work?
    AlleywayGospel AlleywayGospel 26-30, F 1 Response Oct 2

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    and it's taken over my entire life.

    When I read about others having the disorder, I shift from feeling comforted (when I am relating to their symptoms) to utter hopelessness because of the effects it has had on my decision-making and social functioning. I know that I probably have more disorders than just BPD...
    jasiilovely jasiilovely 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 30

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    I can't sleep or eat

    or concentrate. My mind is going 1000mph and I can't relax my heart is beating so fast all the time and I can't calm down, lack of sleep is starting to get to me. I don't know what to do? I need to calm down but I can't I feel physically ill.
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I hate it that I'm alone.

    I hate it that I can't look at myself in the mirror. I hate it that if I were to die today, right now, nobody would miss me. I hate my dreams because they give me a taste of a life that I will never have. I hate myself and I dont know what to do anymore.
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    I feel empty, low and lost.

    Awaiting changes in my meds and therapy. Struggling to live day to day as normal as I can. Anyone who can relate to me?
    inkednurse inkednurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    Those of us who suffer BPD know

    where hell really is. It's inside us. No escaping the agony, pain and torture. No reprieve. It's in every moment of our day, our dreams and our thoughts. It infects everything. It controls everything. It poisons every aspect of our life. It must be the loneliest condition there...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28

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    Had a fight with my best friend.

    I apologized and she apologized. But it'll always be there. I'd like to kill myself now. Or at least cut.
    AlleywayGospel AlleywayGospel 26-30, F 2 Responses Oct 10

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    My papa is dying and I went to see him

    and it's so horrible and sad but now that I'm home and I'm thinking about everything else it hurts more, he's had such an amazing life he's travelled the world he has grandchildren and great grandchildren. And I'm thinking whatbwill I tell the people I have left at that age...
    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 1 Response a week ago

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    Hello, I was recently diagnosed with Borderline

    Personality Disorder. I am really freaking out about it. Since I was 18, I thought I had Bipolar disorder and now I am 25 and they changed my diagnoses to Borderline Personality Disorder. I have not told anyone, because I am not even sure what to say...Any advice?
    SouthernBella89 SouthernBella89 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Who am I? I am a chameleon.

    I change, I turn blue or pink depending on what your favorite color is. Deep down, I want you to protect me and I want you to love me. I am a mirror. I adjust depending on who you want to see. I'll be the fairest of them all, for everyone. I am a facade. But not forever...
    sabrinainstars sabrinainstars 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 26-30 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 2 Responses Sep 7

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    bananananaxo bananananaxo 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 8

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    I've been feeling so worthless lately.

    I've applied for numerous jobs, and I can't even be called in for one interview. It's like having a college degree is a negative thing. I'm sick of asking my parents for money just so I can pay my bills, and I'm sick of my fiancée constantly pushing me. Can't they see that I'm...
    jwest230 jwest230 22-25, F 2 days ago

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    Rev #1 Normal

    Normal? Normal: A self-created standard in the American household. Is there any idea left such as this? It was as if I craved nothing more than to be considered as so. It has no meaning left to someone in a world so full of ever-changing standards. In my mind I was far from the...
    LostInBPD LostInBPD 22-25, M 9 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 5 Responses Sep 1

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 1

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    I have it.. I have had it

    since I was 12. I found out after talking to a psychologist. Turns out, I was emotionally unstable. It's hard to have people around me since I'm more of a person whi gets irritated easily but I do try to control it.. And that is that..
    PureLies PureLies 13-15, F 2 Responses Oct 13

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    Hey Guys! I need some advice.

    My boyfriend of two years, has BPD traits. We met in college and it was a whirlwind of romance. Although, after some time together I began to notice the following: family dysfunction, lying, his utter lack of care for himself and my biggest issue is the "cheating".. recently he...
    Nicoleashleyxo Nicoleashleyxo 22-25, F 2 Responses Oct 3

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    My dear fellow BPDs We have to remind each

    other that we are strong enough to get through another day. I know it's hard to breathe, and to smile, but push forward! We all have beautiful personalities, and we are incredibly smart and compassionate. And to all of those who misjudge us, and criticizes us...I can sincerely...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    My wife of 8 years has reached the end

    and can no longer put up with my BPD-like personality. I only say "like" because I haven't been diagnosed yet. I have however been diagnosed with depression and ADHD. Anyway, she's threatening to separate from me until I get help but it can't happen overnight, so what do I do...
    choloch choloch 36-40, M 2 Responses Oct 5

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    Is it just me or is there a link between BPD

    and an aversion to being touched or touching someone else? I get creeped out, disgusted, or just feel awkward when people tend to touch me. I feel incredibly bad that I can't hug people when they're crying or give a simple pat on the back sometimes too. I just don't quite feel...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 4 Responses Oct 12

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 3 Responses Jul 7

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    Why do I treat my fiance like Garbage?

    He never ever does anything wrong to me and I sit there and emotionally abuse him to pieces. I tell him to leave because I don't want to hurt him anymore since I can't control it, and he won't leave. I don't know if it is because he thinks I will kill myself if he leaves or...
    420lovely 420lovely 18-21, F 7 Responses Oct 6

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    You know all I want is

    for all this pain to stop its constant I feel like I'm never gonna get back to me . I hate all the paranoia I feel like everyone wants to hurt me (even with out proof ) so I push the world away . I just want to feel normal and nobody understands it . I get easily irrititaded or...
    Briinx Briinx 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    when you friends think failed suicide attempts

    are attention seeking acts of immaturity... **** them. don't need them. dump them. their brains are just too narrow to understand what complex emotions are capable of.
    jhib jhib 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 3

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    I see people so happy,

    with friends and a significant other. And then there's me. I'm so terrified I will spend my life alone. My loneliness is all thanks to my BPD. I just push so many people away. I push friends away. I push bfs away. I just push away every potential relationship/friendship that...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 29

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    Its a curse......for those of you

    who have it, know why I call it a curse and for those who are just curious, you cant understand, believe me, i ve tried explaining to people, they dont get it, not even the smartest bunch. For me everything was fine until i got aware of it, that moment everything fell into place...
    HopeEverlasting HopeEverlasting 26-30, F 9 Responses Feb 25

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    I'M Scared.

    I'm having trouble figuring myself out, who I am or what I want to be. I'm trying to make friends and keep them and have something more than what I know I'm not happy with now. I'm very depressed, I'm confused, I'm unable to see the positive side of things. It's scaring me...
    Iyric Iyric 18-21, F 23 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    BPD. A disorder that is relatively common,

    but can ruin a life in a matter of months. My life was ruined, but a lot of people don't understand how. I have no friends, and have been in multiple abusive situations. Verbal and sexual. Do you know whats it's like to have to explain to people when they ask about the scar...
    annfgates annfgates 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 8

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    Alone With Bpd

    I was just recently diagnosed with BPD after a third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed as Bipolar considering my father was Bipolar and shot himself a few years ago. I am 26 years old and so far my life has been filled with pain no matter how much I try to fight it. I have been on...
    lissa lissa 46-50, F 11 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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    I was just diagnosed today.

    I need information.. If you know a lot about this disorder or have it yourself, could you please tell me a bit about it? I know lots about it but I need to know more
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 6

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3

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    This song.. I dedicate to all you F*CKS!

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=d8ekz_CSBVg
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M Oct 3

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    I take long breaks from drinking

    and drugs Then, okaaay I'll get tipsy tonight Then, **** man, gimme your drinks. Then, damn I'm impulsive I felt so sexy I could..... Typical bpd or no?
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 11

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    Do you tell your boss about BPD ?

    Hi. Before the BPD took over I was a Cert 4 in local govt operational works, Cert 4 in Human resources and qualified computer technician who owned my own shops. Since BPD took over i now scrub toilets in the coal mines to survive. It's all I have as the BPD ruined everything and...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 4 Responses a week ago

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    I have a question for others

    who have this disorder, do you find it hard to listen to music sometimes? I've noticed I have to be in the "right mood" for almost everything, especially for listening to music because somehow it changes my mood drastically.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 9

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