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I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,492 People

    i need to vent im feeling

    so angry so fricken depressed i feel likei want to flip as i cant stand fricken being like this i hav enever been like this before this bad the mood is so low i swent to cloverdale today where i live down town and i was so fricken terrified inside i hat ethis fricken illnes si...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Does anyone else constantly feel like you're

    not good enough, not important enough, not loved enough when you're in a relationship, even if the person you're with does all they can to show you otherwise? I have this feeling of desperation that I can't let go of.. He has so many friends and he's always so busy, and I just...
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    i woke up to early 300pm.

    now im tired i feel like im in lala land i must be shut off noytthing matters pain pain thats all i know abuse is all i know abusr to me with food over eating oh well im not really hear so disconnected i dont want o wake up in the morning but i do keep on going god knows why you...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 4 Responses Apr 5

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    This May Make You Happy

    I have been in dark places ,I have felt glory ,I have been no where at all.All these places I will go again.That is guaranteed but i hope I never gain the seed of hatred or greed. Never 100% if it can or not.I had this real clear thought for a second.I wanted to write this down...
    decept decept 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    people around me don't understand how horrible

    this disorder is. Borderline personality disorder can be and is debilitating. I'm tired of being different. I'm tired of being disconnected. I'm tired of living. sometime i can't get out of the bed. lately it has been worse. I think and fantasize about dying all day everyday...
    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Can Anyone Relate?

    I'm not going to write out my long history because to be honest I've worked hard to try to block out alot of it. I fear opening that door to my memories would be risky and dangerous. My first incident/hospitalization was at 9 years old. After doing research I diagnosed myself at...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 2, 2009

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    i cant fet out of this my mood is

    so low i hate this im in a dark painful place i just dont wan tto do this anymorei dont really wan tto talk to anyone i feel so lonely i got up early but i went back to bed as im a bed of hell i just dont care anymore some time si cant face reality i think why go out when you...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 19

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    I hate how I can feel a sad episode coming on

    yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 7, 2014

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    I need to try to stop having "episodes"

    when I'm with my friends... but also getting to the point where I don't give a crap what they think anymore... If I'm gonna be alone anyway better sooner than later, maybe I should just be proactive and not hang with them anymore if they're gonna get pissed and **** off...
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 3 Responses Apr 8

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    I am (almost can't believe it) peaceful

    since yesterday night and today.I am usually a lot of emotions,but never peaceful,never.The instances where I have been peaceful,I can probably count them on my fingers.Usually peace in me ,is replaced by emptiness,hollowness,and a yearning for something i don't understand,like...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 3

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    It sucks. If you even feel a tinge of

    abandonment, you turn into this insecure, self-destructive monster. You start fights or start thinking that it'll never end & everyone will leave. You start wondering if you're even good enough. I hate it. I hate this feeling.
    Susananais Susananais 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M a week ago

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    I don't understand how I can care

    so deeply about people and then as soon as I feel rejected in any way I cut them off like they don't exist. A big part of me is sad about it and misses them but that's overshadowed by pain and anger. There's so much fear I just go numb and want everyone to **** off. I know I'll...
    ArtemisAncestor ArtemisAncestor 26-30, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath.

    I live in a world where everyone is a cardboard cutout, a puppet, a means to an end, a fling to be discarded, a way to find connection, to plaster-over the lonelyness of my irreperable disconnection from mankind. I'm a borderline, but I'm also a sociopath. It's a really weird...
    Phage Phage 26-30, F 142 Responses Feb 18, 2009

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    im feeling really funny i dont feel real like

    im just a body around walking around my apartment so tired as usual going to bed is this being disonnected it freaks me out my mond is tired im tired hate being alone i feel like i just cant cope like other people i wan to move away so people wont see my fat body i need a...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 day ago

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    This is my first time posting on EP,

    so bear with me. Also, keep in mind that doctors and therapists are not 100% of my BPD diagnosis-- I also have dissociation, ADHD, and panics. If you mix those with my depression, anger, riskiness, and self-injury, it appears to be Borderline. As early as age 5, I would have...
    DepressedDemigod DepressedDemigod 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 1

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    Borderline Are Extremely Intelligence And Creative.

    Borderline are extremely intelligence and creative. We struggle to create and give birth to ourselves through our work and intellectual pursuit instead of mundane (...) normal people standards. Everyday, Every Night, we splinted and twisted into multiple personalities that...
    triratna triratna 31-35 3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Some Ppl Shouldn't Be Here

    OK....I am starting to realize that some people on this page shouldn't be here. This is not a joke. It is where some of us who really need to get advice and release pain,to turn to for strength and support. This group is callled "I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER." . If you...
    AussieAZ AussieAZ 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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    Like the Hoover Dam Collapsed...

    I have no idea how long I have had BPD, but I've known what it was for eight years now. I started working to fix myself from that moment on. For about five years, I have felt like it was completely under control. But then yesterday was a bad day. Subjectively I can look at it...
    onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow 31-35, F 45 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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    To all the people who look down on,

    degrade and ridicule people with BPD I would like to invite you to come walk a mile in our shoes!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    i feel liikei just dont want to goon anymor ei

    stayed up late just so i couldnt face the day i feel tired all the time in such a dark spot but im stubborn and wont open up i feel like i cant take this anymor ei hate life i hate that im like a teenager why cant live on her own i feel like i hate my parents some part of me...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Apr 18

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    bloodRedd bloodRedd 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I've noticed that my borderline traits pretty

    much go away when I'm not in a relationship, but as soon as I fall in love I go crazy. Having bpd is hell, I'd rather be single and not have to deal with it.
    Rosaalie Rosaalie 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 9

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    I'm actually not quite sure

    if I do or not, but when I was still 17, my psychiatrist said she wanted to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder after I turned 18. I've looked into it, and I fit the mold quite well, as I have for several years. My emotions are out-of-control, and the only way I can...
    Boulier Boulier 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 10

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    hello im feeling dark miserabkevery lonely my

    mind im tired of fighting this i dont know how to cope with this i think i feel angry im not sure whant to be set free my angry teenager is miserable in pain i dont know how to heal myself i keep looking for father figures im not healthy my mood is up and down i wanto cry i want...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 1 Response Apr 12

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    hollaem hollaem 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 16

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    Well, I did it again.

    I let my thoughts bubble up into a fit of rage. I am so bitter and cold today. It all started this morning. Waking up , realizing this is it for now. I am stuck at home almost always. This doesn't bother me everyday because I love being a full time mom. What I don't love is...
    ashless ashless 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 29, 2014

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    I'm sorry. I'm sorry

    that you have to go through BPD And I'm sorry I have to go through BPD It's not easy at all. And it's hard for people to understand that what we do, or how we feel, it very hard for us to control. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to live with BPD I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live...
    betelgeusex3 betelgeusex3 22-25, F 1 Response May 24, 2014

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    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M Apr 1

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    I have BPD. Usually I'm quite depressed

    or apathetic. Occasionally, for no reason, I will wake up feeling great. Energetic, joyful, smart, and insightful. Music has deeper meaning. Them next day I realize I was acting strange and doing things that are out of character for me. Almost like I was drunk. Is this normal...
    caly94 caly94 31-35, F 4 Responses Apr 12

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    One of the hardest things about it is not

    really knowing who yiu truly are
    yesiigarciaa yesiigarciaa 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Over time I've realised

    that BPD has made me a Chameleon. I change my colours depending on who I'm with. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I've realised that I don't do this because I want to impress people or to get people to like me but because of 2 reasons, 1) so people can't get too...
    LewisCollins LewisCollins 31-35 4 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Update....

    To all borderliners,I feel compelled to write to you, but what I want to say isn't clear yet in my head.  I'm just going to go with it.  Bear with me.For a couple of weeks I've been getting dialectical behaviour therapy, this is similar to CBT in as much as it teaches you...
    charlie248 charlie248 36-40, F 32 Responses May 8, 2012

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    My Final Ep Story

    Well everyone, I found what I was looking for. I didn’t even realize I was looking for anything, or that it would take so damn long to find. But I found it. Peace. I’m finally at peace with everything. With myself, my future, my political beliefs, my religious beliefs...
    tangledx22 tangledx22 22-25, F 7 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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    im not sure im o her ei just cant cope like

    everyone else i dont understand this i cant stand fetting up everyday i feel angry inside im tempted to go to hospital as much as i hate it there but i feel like i cant go on anymore i just dont understand this even though i was diagnosed 20 years ago jus t so so angry my kid...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F 3 days ago

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    I was having a great day at work

    and coming towards the end of the day I started feeling pathetic knowing that once I left work I'd have no to call or text me. Most people constantly have friends texting and calling them but not me. I cut myself off from everyone. I called my one friend and he text back that he...
    aligain aligain 31-35, F 2 Responses Apr 13

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    Positive traits of those with BPD: 1.

    Passionate-experience extreme intensity of passion when we find something that interests us 2. Individual-strongly cultivate our individuality and enjoy applying our abilities to new tasks 3. Spontaneous-we live in the moment doing whatever it is we feel we want to do at that...
    kavlynn99 kavlynn99 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    Someone should check my posts

    and their dramatic change of emotional stand for explanation of borderline pd.I am much better now.And while my emotional self is still cringing at the abandonment,my rational self finally sees the light at the end of the tunnel,and I get to see the disastrous "diary" entries I...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 14

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    How Can You Bring Someone Into This Nightmare?

    I feel great now, and I'm determined to be better, but I know I'll fall. I know I'll make mistakes. How do I let someone close to me when I know I'll hurt them at some point and feel hurt by them? I'm so afraid I'm destined to forever be alone, just so I'm the only one hurt. I...
    chiamonkie chiamonkie 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    We fight every night

    for something. When the sun sets were both the same. Half draped in the shadows. Half burned in flames.
    JohnVBlackburn JohnVBlackburn 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 14

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    I've Noticed Something...

    That infuriates me to the core. (Isn't uncontrollable anger a symptom? Hahaaaaaa, I don't care.) It seems that whenever BPD is brought up by someone who does not have it or has witnessed emotionally distraught/unstable people that do have BPD, it's always "Run for the hills! They...
    AmandaMarlee AmandaMarlee 18-21, F 6 Responses May 12, 2013

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    Argued with my mom today.

    .. She´s in another country with my brother... and she left me here... It´s hard comunicating with her, she doesn´t get me... My family should be close, but we aren´t. I wish I could have some type of bond with her. But then she gets me so mad. people don´t understand why I...
    DiamondArmada DiamondArmada 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 8

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    So an interesting thing was brought up to me.

    .. We tend to focus so much on the downside of BPD we don't often see the positive things. We're passionate, creative, to the point, individualistic, protective of others, empathetic, forgiving, full of love, loyal, and never boring. Of course each of these may not apply to...
    EngulfingBreeze EngulfingBreeze 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2014

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    TheIceQueen2012 TheIceQueen2012 36-40, F 2 Responses Apr 12

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    I am have been diagnosed

    as with borderline personality disorder last year.Such a relief.I think I have had it for 10 years and have inherited it from my mother.Who I forgive,If she goes through that much emotional pain as me,I forgive her. We tend to bear more than we can actually take.Very few people...
    aquabunny aquabunny 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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