I Have Bulimia and Am Not Ready to Recover

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 337 People

    Pandorazz Pandorazz
    May 9, 2014

    I have bulimia and anarexia and NEED to hear from others like me

    I've been bulimic and anarexic for about a year and a half now. It all started at my year 10 formal, afterwards i was looking at my photos and just hated what i saw. I'm quiet, insecure and shy enough as it is but now I just feel so alone. Recently whilst...
    theheartneverlies theheartneverlies
    1 Response Jan 31, 2009

    i dont know whether i'd say i am not ready to

    recover but i will most likely stop once i reach my goal weight. i am bulimic, at longest a week goes by before i purge, whether its because i over ate or there is drama or stress its just my way of dealing with things. i dont see it as a disease more like a coping mechanism..
    confusednormalness confusednormalness
    22-25, F
    Apr 8, 2015

    Why is this and anorexia counted

    as an illness....? Seriously people.. You're PENCIL THIN. You're not fat .-. Please stop be so ridiculous and get on with your life. And EAT RIGHT FOR GOD SAKE
    jessijessi1234 jessijessi1234
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 23, 2015

    It's been just under a year

    that I've been struggling with my bulimia. It's helped me lose fifty pounds so far, and while I'm technically only a couple pounds above underweight, I still feel like I need to lose more. I know what the cycle of binging/purging does to me, both mentally and physically, but I...
    BlackenedIrises BlackenedIrises
    26-30, F
    May 27, 2015

    I haven't been on this website

    for at least 2 years. And I can't say that anything's changed, at least not w/ regards to this issue. I'm still purging frequently. My eating is still disordered. It might be worse now as my weight has fluctuated more. Some days I feel so heavy and fat (although I know...
    feelingfoolishlame feelingfoolishlame
    18-21, F
    Jan 28, 2016

    My stomach is KILLING me today most likely from

    purging last night. I feel rather pathetic because this pain STILL doesnt make me want to stop. ugh
    bloodyborgiabastard bloodyborgiabastard
    26-30, M
    2 Responses Dec 22, 2014
    sociallyunacceptable sociallyunacceptable
    16-17, F
    Sep 26, 2015

    I Would Like Some Alone Time With My Friend "The Toilet" Please.

    So I blurt out to my husband......."I have not kept any food down in the last 3 months"!!!!  Wrong thing to do... now I feel like I am in a prison in my own miond and body.. it is so frustrating.... I just need so alone time in the Wash Room every once in awhile...
    31-35, F
    8 Responses Apr 28, 2008

    On days like today, I am not ready to recover.

    I'm exhausted from the search for treatment..and I'm on the verge of giving up. Is so called Recovery even possible? And if so, is it even worth it?!
    owlgirl1995 owlgirl1995
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Mar 11, 2014

    I feel like this eating disorder will never

    leave me. it just becomes a way of life... I wish I could make myself want to recover! :(
    confusedegg confusedegg
    22-25, F
    1 Response Apr 18, 2014

    My Prayers To The Porcelain Goddess

    I am, like many others, a worshiper of the porcelain goddess. My offerings are not money, or any other materialistic form of devotion. Simply semi digested food and pleas for a slimmer waist. I began in '06 as a preventative measure so I wouldn't become large like the women in my...
    LadyCadaver LadyCadaver
    26-30, F
    Sep 2, 2013

    Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway...

    I know I am afraid of failing and not being enough for those around me. Or not reaching my own expectations. I don't want to lower my expectations because its important to strive for the best of everything. I don't think my expectations are any more than others anyway. I don't...
    Iwantthismorethananything Iwantthismorethananything
    1 Response Mar 3, 2013

    It's been almost 10 years now

    and my weight was like a yoyo. 2 years ago I was 145 pounds at 5'3 and now I'm 105-110 so I found if I decrease my binges, keep up with purging and eat better then I lose weight. I've also been a vegetarian for 2 years and honestly bulimia doesn't make me sad anymore. It's...
    Shannycons Shannycons
    22-25, F
    Sep 27, 2015

    My man and I are seriously talking about having

    another baby. I have not thrown up in 2 days and was feeling really fat and bloated. I asked the stupid question "will u still love me if I get fat?" He said "no!" What the ****???? I know it was a stupid question but u know I have a problem.... Y would u say that?!?? Now I'm...
    missfitz28 missfitz28
    31-35, F
    1 Response Dec 29, 2013

    Not Ready For Recovery..

    I remember the night my life changed forever. I was a junior in high school and I looked in the mirror, at my lil love handles (I wasn't quite over-weight, just in the higher-healthy range) and I felt disgusted. I was much thinner when I was a freshman and I hated not fitting...
    CenterOfAttentionBitch CenterOfAttentionBitch
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 16, 2012

    Any thoughts on the mono diet!

    You eat the same food for every meal and it's meant to stop digesting and begins to just stay in your gut?
    tamsxxx tamsxxx
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 7, 2015

    A Dangerous Emotional Outlet That Unintentionally Hurts Others.

    My mum has been fighting cancer for quite some time now and has been given the diagnosis of being terminally ill. I don't know the prognosis yet, but I have a feeling that she does. When I started university in 2010 I was away from her for the first time. When I was away she...
    jeffreypenelope jeffreypenelope
    1 Response Mar 23, 2012

    I feel like I use food to reward myself

    when I'm happy and punish myself when I'm not. If I'm not happy I will shove food in my face with a "that's what u get" feeling as I swallow the food I don't even want. When does food become such an emotional thing? I have two young girls and I'm terrified they will develop the...
    missfitz28 missfitz28
    31-35, F
    1 Response Dec 23, 2013

    my throat is sooooo sore.

    my glands are so swollon that I'm afraid to eat anything because I don't know if I'll be able to get it back up. suggestions? :(
    freetobeme23 freetobeme23
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Mar 15, 2015

    So I have been struggling on

    and off with bulimia for 5 years plus. I don't know if it's bulimia or a purging disorder. I have been big my whole life. It's always been said "you're pretty for a big girl". I hate being me. I need to control everything in my body and hate when something is in my stomach or...
    scareditwontstop scareditwontstop
    31-35, F
    1 Response Sep 13, 2014

    I started making myself throw up

    when I was in sixth grade. It was meatloaf and I was so proud of myself. I had tried to starve myself but I never made it past a day. It took me a few months to make myself really puke, the meatloaf incident was nothing more than a bite. My first real, powerful purge was a later...
    bellsummers bellsummers
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 9, 2014

    I was wondering if anyone has tried any weight

    loss pills or the laxative diet? Thanks, hope everyone's keeping good
    tamsxxx tamsxxx
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Apr 7, 2015

    A couple day's have past

    since my first post about my struggle with bulimia. I am now down to 111 lb at 5'3 and am still very unsatisfied. Why is it I felt like I was thinner when I was actually eating food everyday and keeping it down? anyways, I broke and ate 2 sandwiches today with chips (followed by...
    Rachael1774 Rachael1774
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Feb 17, 2015

    All I think about while I'm eating is throwing

    up afterwards. I'm addicted to looking at how flat my stomach is after, I've struggled with this for years. I'll stop for a while and then it takes over my life again. I hate it, but I love what it's doing to me...
    LoserMaterial LoserMaterial
    18-21, F
    Jun 13, 2015

    it started 7 years ago

    after i had my oldest son. me and my ex was having issues(he had a **** addiction and loooved women,just not me) i thought he was gonna be the one to save me from any hurt i ever had.i chose him to be in my life but he failed me making me feel like i didnt measure up to the...
    whitney1714 whitney1714
    26-30, F
    1 Response Feb 7, 2014

    It Works For Me

    I like to eat. I don't like to be any larger than a size 8.  Throwing up works. I'm about to start a new job that doesn't have a 'single' bathroom, and I'm worried about how to handle lunch.
    MichaelsWidow MichaelsWidow
    41-45, F
    9 Responses Nov 17, 2007

    I only recently started an intense diet

    and have been using the binge/purge method to lose weight. I have been doing this for over one month now and even though I told myself it would only be for a week, over 7 have passed and i feel the control slipping through my fingers. Around a year ago I stopped all my sports...
    Rachael1774 Rachael1774
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Feb 16, 2015

    I had bulimia for a year now.

    and I'm struggling so much. I always feel so fat. I really need help. I need to stop eating. I weigh 60 kilos and it is all too much. help me!
    skinsopure skinsopure
    16-17, F
    Sep 28, 2015

    I'm more of EDNOS but its been hard lately.

    I'm not binging, but I'm skipping meals and purging. my life is so stressful right now. it always gets hard for me because I don't seek help but I can self manage my symptoms mostly
    themuffingirly themuffingirly
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Feb 3, 2015

    I Tried To Get Better.

    And I found myself lying and sneaking around. I don't think I want to get better yet. Not until I'm beautiful. I admit, I thrive on attention. I love sexual harassment, to an extent, I love getting sized up and seeing that gleam in a man's eye that says "you're mine tonight...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Jun 25, 2012

    I Need Motivation!!!

    Ok so im now 18 nd ive had bulimia since i was 16 . When i first started purging i was doing it alot like 7 times a day i lit about 20 pounds only nd then i started doing meth wich by the way is not a good drug at all it messed with my brain but once i started doing meth i ddnt...
    secretlybulimic secretlybulimic
    Aug 27, 2013

    I ♥ Bulimia

     im so not ready  to recover! it is the best in the world.... talk for tips... love, elda
    miagirl miagirl
    18-21, F
    7 Responses Feb 19, 2009

    I Am A Bulimic Medical Student

    I am 22 years old, in my 4th year of medical school (European program - 6 years), and I have been bulimic since I was 16. I have no sign of recovery, and currently am not actively trying to recover. I would love to stop, but I'm too scared of gaining weight. Somehow I believe my...
    Amaxoapraxia Amaxoapraxia
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Sep 30, 2012

    I must admit I relapse today,

    but tomorrow is a new day.:) How did everyone else cope?
    MellyW MellyW
    26-30, F
    1 Response Nov 27, 2014

    I have been bulimic for 14 years.

    I became bulimic after I had my son at 18 and had put on weight from the pregnancy. I don't want to stop because I feel like my looks are all i have, I don't think I'm very smart, I have had little education after high school and don't have a career, my partners have only wanted...
    daisychain33 daisychain33
    36-40, F
    1 Response Oct 9, 2014

    I Am Having A Serious Problem.

    I just started this, well not just started. I have been doing it for a few months now. I used to more frequently, but I stopped. I don't know why I do it, I think my family, mostly my sister are starting to suspect it. I don't want to be thinner, well I do, but I don't do it to...
    captiandan captiandan
    26-30, F
    2 Responses May 21, 2013

    Support For Those Who Don't Want To Stop

    It's hard for me to stay motivated...I want to not eat all day and binge and purge once a day...or not eat at all...if someone wants to motivate me texts..emails...I will return the help
    LunaLunita LunaLunita
    26-30, F
    1 Response Aug 7, 2013

    I have been in therapy

    since september 2014 and so far It has only done little to help. my husband is so supportive but I know it freaks him out. not only am I battling bulimia. I am a cutter and I have horrible anxiety and panic disorder. I wasnt ready for such a long time. it is hard to get better...
    ShaniBerle ShaniBerle
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jan 11, 2015

    Today was tough....loved being with family,

    but next is another food holiday. *sigh*
    MellyW MellyW
    26-30, F
    Nov 27, 2014

    I'm Just Not Ready Yet

    My mother and I are the same height. She is about 30 lbs lighter than me. That's how it started. For years I enured the torture of my brother's calling me fat and my mom telling me i dont need as much food as my brother's because they are growing BOYS. I got older. We would all...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Oct 6, 2009

    I Could Link It To A Million Things, But Here'S My Theory...

    Daddy issues for one( when you grow up with an unaffection dad it goes to your head, at least it did for me) My abusive sister( being told your disgusting your whole life kinda ***** with your self esteem) And some even say it comes down to the dolls I played with as a child...
    he8myheart he8myheart
    18-21, F
    1 Response May 11, 2013
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