I Have Bulimia Forum & Chat Board | I want to be skinny..

Everyone says I'm the perfect weight, not fat or skinny.. Just normal.. But I hate it.. All my friends are skinny and beautiful.. And all I ever see in myself is my flaws.. My mom knows I have an eating disorder I just don't think she wants to believe it so she denies it when I tell her.. I don't know what to do..):

 

the first thing you have to do is to be happy that you are healthy and neither overweight or underweight, but really recognize it and be comfortable with that. i know being thin is sometimes the most important thing and what gets us in these horrible eating disorders but today i was thinking  for what reason?? i watched this girl on tv that had almost no teeth and looked sick; she was anorexic and bulimic. i know it is the oldest story in the book but it really got me thinking...what do we do this for? the anwer of course is because we want to be skinny. and why? to be what it is considered pretty. well that never looks pretty, only when it is under control and i just realized that it can never be under control. i started binging and purging a couple months ago and it is a nightmare, a dont even enjoy the food but i just need it and that only makes me feel worst. the only thing that is stopping me now is the money and the teeth problem, because my parents spent a lot of money fixing them (i fell when i was seven and hey looked really bad, i had a trauma i think with teeth) so thats why i cant vomit anymore but i dont think im totally cured yet, i still have a very unhealthy relationship with food. the only advice i can give to you is dont wish to be skinny if you are thin because you are healthy now. go seek help if you feel you cant do this on your own and find inspiration on people that embrace their curves, that always helps me. enough with models that look like sticks, they are beautiful in their own way but they cant be the norm.

 

Hey, if you want to talk about anything, I really need it too ^^ so, I'm here if you need a talk! And I hope that you're doing OK...

 

Yeah, I can't afford it financially anymore either. Plus I don't want to lose any teeth.

 

I felt just like you when I was young.  When I got into therapy my therapist would ask questions like.  Why do you want to be really thin? How will that make you feel?  My answers to those kind of questions were low self esteem.  Fix that and you can fix the eating disorder.  I am really over simplifying here.  Its true though that if I could wave a magic wand and make as skinny as you would like to be no matter what you ate only then would you realize that being skinny isn't what you need to be happy its something else.  So finding out the "something" is our challenge.  I think people find eating disorders hard to deal with (your mom) and so often they are in denial.