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I Have Dissociative Identity Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 778 People

    started to see a therapist again,

    but every time they hint towards a disassociation, I panic and change the subject. I have never been properly diagnosed but the others aren't ready for me to expose them yet
    Thingsunseen Thingsunseen 22-25, F Jul 6, 2015

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    Did-nos-wtf

    Apparently I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified....The kids in my head are all like "We TOLD you so!" Well, they were right. ...I was reminded we may not have found everyone yet... That's a little ominous. Maybe that's where the intrusive thoughts come...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 2 Responses Jun 24, 2013

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    Oh it's been such a long time.

    .. Locked away in my own head, out of sight out of mind. Forgotten... But the core personality is back! Finally freed, and now that I'm back... Things are gonna change. For better and worse... But oh it feels so good to have the air on my skin again, to feel things... Oh it's...
    TheDylanWorld TheDylanWorld 16-17, M 2 Responses Oct 23, 2015

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    Afraid Of Losing Someone...

    This has always been a fear of mine and my alters. I lost my parents at a young age. My father died in a fire and my mother died of a brain hemmorage. My grandpa passed away at a young age and my grandma just died recently. I am always afraid of someone I love dying, especially...
    Leena26 Leena26 46-50, F 3 Responses Jan 21, 2012

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    DID

    For years speaking about my disorder has been taboo but know its time to make a stand. I have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) i have a system of 7 functioning personalities with their own thought process likes dislikes etc. Together we map out on how to get through one day...
    Pablo89 Pablo89 26-30, F 7 Responses Nov 30, 2013

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    Finally I found someone I could ask some

    questions about my childhood, fill the black holes, and now....only more questions
    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 24

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    I am the host of airea,

    Zane and a other girl that is really shy
    Summerdogs Summerdogs 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 9, 2015

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    i have many alters..but mike.

    .. hes been bothersome recently..i dont like the things he does..he hurts people and me..
    fatallysilent fatallysilent 18-21, T 1 Response Sep 22, 2015

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    After I realized yesterday

    that I'm an alter things start to make sense but I just can't understand it, how on earth did I believe I was the core person for so long??
    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 16, 2015

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    People should stop to believe

    that the ultimate goal for people with DID is integration. it's not. we decided not to integrate, never
    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 12, 2015

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    My personalities made a mess out of things in

    the past and every once in a while someone from the past shows up again and I have to pick up the pieces
    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F Oct 12, 2015

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    So yesterday during lunch at my high school,

    a freshman was acting all tough and ****, I ******* hate the freshmens this year, can't believe Alpha has to put up with this ****. Anyways, Alpha got his food from the lunch line and then the kid walked up to Alpha and started calling him weak and fat and a freak, (our secret...
    MultipleRex MultipleRex 16-17, M 2 Responses Oct 16, 2014

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    Yeah, I do too. I told my parents about it

    and they still think I'm not real. I mean, they try to understand make me feel better but I can still feel them judging me and it hurts. :/
    pannaa02 pannaa02 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 4, 2015

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    my name is Iris and I just want to find love

    but our host isn't letting me :(
    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 14

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    Hm, May As Well Make A Post.

    Well, I figured I'd post something to get to know other people who live under similar-ish circumstances, and possibly make friends with them (well, I suppose that's a no brainer). I guess I'll tell you guys about, uh, my body's life? (I think that's the most appropriate way of...
    deleted deleted 26-30 5 Responses Mar 9, 2013

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    I feel weird, really weird.

    We have been doing journaling so all of the others have the chance to draw or write what is on their mind, well tonight someone did, a 4 page story about how she felt that I wasn't there for them, that she had the feeling she always had to rescue me and that she doesn't...
    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 11, 2015

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    Don't Even Know Who I Am

    That is right, I don't even know who I am. Am I the host of this body or not? What is going on inside makes no sense to me. Our supposed host doesn't even know who she is so how are we supposed to know who we are or why? Nothing makes much sense no more. Confused and alone
    Rachel4now Rachel4now 31-35, F 21 Responses Feb 16, 2008

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    Ok, so I haven't been officially diagnosed with

    DID but this is the most active place for dissociative issues and I need some input. Hope I don't offend anyone. Thanks. Here goes: I've been drinking A LOT lately. Smoked weed, a lot of it. It was really good, but I did feel guilty at the same time only because I'm a nurse...
    ChantelSurvived ChantelSurvived 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 12, 2014

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    We're Doing WHAT????

    Katherine, who appears to be my internal self helper? She wants us to integrate. She doesn't care how much chaos this causes, because she wants us to "shine."I asked her how long this will take, she said two years...... 8[ ...That's fast. Really fast.Basically...to de...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 9 Responses Oct 17, 2013

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    anyone here integrated

    or working on it and starting a new relationship, either friends or dating? does it trigger you to split up again?
    karisasam karisasam 31-35, F 2 Responses Oct 3, 2015

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    My Experience of a D.i.d (multilpe) Life

       I'm a 40 year old woman (but really I feel like a lot of much younger on inside) . Ive been aware of my system for 12 years .. I am poly multiple which means I keep splitting.  I have family groups within me but countless alters .I have Some (12 )well...
    thruthelookinglass thruthelookinglass 36-40, F 4 Responses May 17, 2009

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    am I the only one that struggles in believing I

    have this when I know I do? like sometimes I feel like I must be a fake but other times my alter comes out so strong that I just can't deny it. ugghh I hate feeling this way I just wish it was as simple as telling myself to stop and I just stop. idk if this makes any sense. I...
    JessygotaBooBoo JessygotaBooBoo 22-25, F 3 days ago

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    fatallysilent fatallysilent 18-21, T Sep 23, 2015

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    It can be overwhelming,

    I don't even think we have a core anymore. Since childhood the experience of what ever is considered normal is unfathomable to me. Now that we are getting older at 26 years old, I find it all just feels like a dream. I used to try to convince myself I was in control, that I wasn...
    annKat annKat 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 20, 2015

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    Being DID and BiPolar feels like this to me.

    ..(I'm probably going to switch half-way through writing this, so bear with me) I live in this physical world that's just so-so and nothing fantastic ever happens, nothing exciting, everything just feels flat. I have my manic days or weeks where I feel ok and then ultra...
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX 31-35 1 Response Oct 2, 2014

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    do any of you or your alters belive in

    or know about your "origins" of a different world?
    himenoko143 himenoko143 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 3

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    pros of the body being sick: getting to front

    the most cons: literally everything else
    undyne undyne 70+ Dec 18, 2015

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    I'm scared........what will happen

    if my core is awake again
    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 14, 2015

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    Sometimes I Feel Possessed

    There are many times the people in my head are talking to me and in the middle of their sentence their words would continue out my mouth without me knowing what they were going to say. I know this sounds completely weird. I have lost all my outside friends because of this problem...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    I have a whole playlist of songs

    that make me feel understood, these are the ones that focus on my DID... "Animal I have Become" Three Days Grace "Monster" Skillet "I am an Illusion" Rob Thomas "All These Years" Adema "Let Me Be Myself" 3 Doors Down "One X" Three Days Grace "Chameleon Boy" Blue October "Ugly...
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX 31-35 Aug 1, 2014

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    Bad Day

    we are really struggling not to hurt ourself right now.we want to soooo badly. we won't.  we can't.  it's notallowed.  the protectors have a rule.  noone can harmthemselves, each other, or the body.  when the protectorsset a rule we all have to follow it whether we want to...
    TruthSpeaks71 TruthSpeaks71 41-45 3 Responses Aug 19, 2012

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    Not Doing Well...8/6/13

    The part of me/us that thinks "She just needs to not exist," is active again. It's scary. This part wants me dead, because I'm the problem. I'm also fighting not to self-injure. This is all a very familiarly unpleasant place, but I thought we were doing better, here.
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 12 Responses Aug 6, 2013

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    finally I am learning to communicate with my

    helping alters more. before I never understood why people loved some of their alters, now I do :)
    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 20, 2015

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    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 8, 2015

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    Hey there..I feel uncomfortable sharing my real

    name here, but you can just call me Lux. I'm the host. I have two fully developed alters- one who I've been conscious of since I was about 8 years old, another who I have only become aware of this past year. They're Ris (female) and Jasper (male). I know that I have more alters...
    luxmeta luxmeta 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 17, 2015

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    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 25

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    Hello. Rather new to this website

    but I believe that it should hopefully let be socialise with people more in a controlled environment. Looking around, i'm surprised to see young teenagers here. I struggled to get diganosed at my age, mainly because they kept thinking it was something else and I had no idea...
    WeSleepToMuch WeSleepToMuch 18-21 4 Responses Mar 28, 2015

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    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 17, 2015

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    Meliantha Meliantha 18-21, F Feb 5

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    Hi! I am Ashley and this is my first post on

    here. I thought I'd share a little about myself and our system. Please excuse typos as I'm doing this from our phone lol. I am an alter, our host is a 36 year old male. I am 27, female, and I'm the social one in our system. There are 7 of us total. Brandon, the host/main...
    SystemofShadows SystemofShadows 36-40, M 1 Response Nov 6, 2015

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    Anybody As Full As I Am? Lol

    Hello i am living with 19 alters...some good...some bad...and i really would like to talk to somebody else who has them...its really awkward for me to talk about this but i figure if im going to this is the best place to do so
    MissRabbit MissRabbit 22-25, F 13 Responses Mar 8, 2012

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    Hey I'm Jessy. So this is a little weird

    for me because I usually keep to myself when I'm around but honestly I'm getting tired of being an embarrassment to my dearest host. She is afraid of what people will think of her so I have to stay home and not be seen by anyone but her husband. I hate it because I don't get to...
    BornFromShadows BornFromShadows 22-25, F 2 Responses Oct 31, 2015

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    I want to share my entire experience with this

    disorder, as I have mostly had it for my entire life. I want to reflect, because most don't understand it. I am 28 now, and I have had symptoms of this disorder since I was 6 or 7, my name is Bill. Growing up, I lost my father when I was six years old, I was often in the...
    Edg3Runn3r Edg3Runn3r 26-30, M 1 Response May 28, 2015

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    We are divided into two factions,

    I can see it... We all can but no one will admit it. And if there was a war, I'm not sure who would win... And a war is something I don't want. -John
    TheDylanWorld TheDylanWorld 16-17, M 1 Response Sep 22, 2015

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    i dont particularly like disclosing things

    about our system but ive been told that it wouldnt hurt to open up a little so here goes. to start our host is tomoko. this account is used by kaito(protector) mostly. there are two other alters who i think would use this account(mari and lulu) they arent much to worry about. uh...
    undyne undyne 70+ Nov 12, 2015

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