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I Have Dissociative Identity Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 665 People

    Don't Even Know Who I Am

    That is right, I don't even know who I am. Am I the host of this body or not? What is going on inside makes no sense to me. Our supposed host doesn't even know who she is so how are we supposed to know who we are or why? Nothing makes much sense no more. Confused and alone
    Rachel4now Rachel4now 31-35, F 20 Responses Feb 16, 2008

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    we have changed! the system is

    so different now! i wasn't even apart of this before! is this normal? i feel nervous honestly
    komaeda komaeda 16-17 2 Responses Nov 13

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    I NEED ADVICE! So when I first fragmented,

    I was mostly in control. I kept Sigma and Epsilon (the first two Alter's) in check. No one knew what was wrong with me, so that caused even more bullying from the other kids making things harder for me. Sometimes I switched and caused trouble when Sigma took control, and...
    MultipleRex MultipleRex 16-17, M 1 Response Oct 23

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    I have a whole playlist of songs

    that make me feel understood, these are the ones that focus on my DID... "Animal I have Become" Three Days Grace "Monster" Skillet "I am an Illusion" Rob Thomas "All These Years" Adema "Let Me Be Myself" 3 Doors Down "One X" Three Days Grace "Chameleon Boy" Blue October "Ugly...
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX 31-35 Aug 1

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    Dating Someone With Dissociative Identity Disorder

      I am currently seeing someone with DID.The man I am seeing is wonderful!Lets call him Gavin.Gavin is happy-go-lucky, easy to talk to, understanding, optimistic, and so many more things…We have an amazing bond, unlike any I have ever shared with another human being...
    Neenie907 Neenie907 22-25, F 10 Responses Nov 4, 2009

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    Hm, May As Well Make A Post.

    Well, I figured I'd post something to get to know other people who live under similar-ish circumstances, and possibly make friends with them (well, I suppose that's a no brainer). I guess I'll tell you guys about, uh, my body's life? (I think that's the most appropriate way of...
    deleted deleted 26-30 5 Responses Mar 9, 2013

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    I can guarantee I will be crying during this

    movie. Inside Out http://m.imdb.com/title/tt2096673/
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX 31-35 5 hrs ago

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    Hi, I'm Kyle, one of the alters.

    I just wanted to know if some of you alters already fell in love with "real" persons or if you hosts already fell in love with alters. I did, so I wanted to talk about this.
    AhtnamasH AhtnamasH 16-17, F 3 Responses Oct 19

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    I've not been well. I wish I could explain to

    my boyfriend to get him to understand. Sometimes he makes things worse but I know I am hurting him so bad. When I SI it hurts him and when I talk about SUI it hurts him. I act like a spoiled brat and a little child because I never really learned how to be an adult. I just don't...
    ChantelSurvived ChantelSurvived 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 14

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    They Aren't The Problem, I Am

    I always envied how when something bad happens my fiancé asks to speak to my alters. It was never me. I could work things out if given the time. I just want to be given the chance to help. :( Sometimes I feel that no one wants me, like if I disappeared it'd be fine. They wouldn...
    Lexy5 Lexy5 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 19, 2012

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    My host husband asked me to have sex with him

    despite knowing it's me and not his wife. I felt disgusted!
    Shabee74 Shabee74 36-40, F 3 Responses Oct 30

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    From what I can tell this disorder,

    disease, adventure, experience (whatever you want to call it) is highly personalized. Everyone who is diagnosed has a very different experience. I think that really contributes to the confusion that most of the people with DID already live with. I'm just coming to realize that...
    annabanana1907 annabanana1907 18-21, F Feb 8

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    I don't know which of my alters are alters.

    I mean, if I had to count them, they're smth like 50. But I feel like there's two kinds of people in the system: - The lost souls, that seem to be some people who got here, idk how. They're not me, they're just people who lives there in the system. They have different ages...
    AhtnamasH AhtnamasH 16-17, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Sometimes I Feel Possessed

    There are many times the people in my head are talking to me and in the middle of their sentence their words would continue out my mouth without me knowing what they were going to say. I know this sounds completely weird. I have lost all my outside friends because of this problem...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    A question that I've always wanted to ask.

    Does anyone have an alter by the name of Hyde? I've always wondered...
    TheDylanWorld TheDylanWorld 13-15, M Oct 25

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    Being DID and BiPolar feels like this to me.

    ..(I'm probably going to switch half-way through writing this, so bear with me) I live in this physical world that's just so-so and nothing fantastic ever happens, nothing exciting, everything just feels flat. I have my manic days or weeks where I feel ok and then ultra...
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX 31-35 1 Response Oct 2

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    Been not well. Have such intense feelings of

    disgust to the point where I want and need to just claw my skin off. It feels like I am going to go absolutely insane. I was driving with my boyfriend last night and started to get these emotions and feelings and body pains that seemingly came from 'nowhere'. I had to pull over...
    ChantelSurvived ChantelSurvived 22-25, F 3 Responses Oct 21

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    Not Doing Well...8/6/13

    The part of me/us that thinks "She just needs to not exist," is active again. It's scary. This part wants me dead, because I'm the problem. I'm also fighting not to self-injure. This is all a very familiarly unpleasant place, but I thought we were doing better, here.
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 13 Responses Aug 6, 2013

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    I hate how blown up DID is in the media.

    I have it, it is no walk in the park... It's not easy... And no one should EVER wish to have it... But I am far from crazy. I just can't deal with things.
    iMinnow iMinnow 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 5

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    Jaqueline's Story

     My name is Jaqueline. I am around 16 years old and havebeen for a very long time.  I am one of the vast manyin the system that goes here by Truth_Speaks.Recently, in emails, a very good friend of ours here onEP has been talking about feeling like things were herfault...
    TruthSpeaks71 TruthSpeaks71 41-45 7 Responses Aug 30, 2012

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    With all these new 'atlers' I feel like I can't

    be sure whether one or more people are in control. We havent been made aware of any new names, only different personalities. At the moment, i'm sot even sure who I am.... AAaaand I just switched. Hello! Anyway, Today we were relatively productive. That's a big improvement!
    JaaePlus JaaePlus 18-21 Oct 23

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    LittleBeelzebub LittleBeelzebub 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 12

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    People keep telling me to write about my life.

    But its hard when you're only present 1/6th of the time.
    Minnowshi Minnowshi 18-21, F 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Constantly checking the time to see

    if I've missed time. Lol.
    Minnowshi Minnowshi 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    I dont even know haw many I actually have

    anymore. I thought it was just 8, and now i am hearing of more. It is stressing me out real bad, and I dont really have anyone to talk to about it. my parents dont want to hear it, i dont want to burden my friends or scare them. It is getting harder esp. with school and so many...
    lilbit33 lilbit33 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 20

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    So my host's boyfriend messed up really badly

    one night and now she is gone (we communicate with each other when it helps us) has anyone else had this experience? if so what did you do? he keeps trying to stay in contact with me but i really don't like him at all and just want him to leave me alone but he wants to be here...
    aya962 aya962 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 4

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    Does anyone else live in,

    or has ever lived in an environment that doesn't support their illness? I'm trying my best to keep everything under control around my family but it's not working. I just keep getting more depressed and less functional. I don't know how to communicate with them in an effective...
    annabanana1907 annabanana1907 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 13

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    New... I Am A Hotel-Head who just spent 2 hours retype what we accidentially deleted the first time!! LOL

    Hello to the Group! I'm "M", and I am a "Hotel-Head". This is a term the kids came up with to describe the number of people in here and the chaos that follows them. Some of ours "check out" (deal with the "real" world), while some seem to have "do not disturb" signs wielded to...
    MoriBlue MoriBlue 46-50 3 Responses May 30, 2013

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    I met my first alter in 2011,

    her name is Jessica, soon followed Ellie, and 7 months ago, Ashleigh showed up. Last week, I realised that there are suddenly a lot more of us than I thought, and some of them have been around before, I just didn't notice! We switch at least 3 or 4 times a day, and not all of my...
    JaaePlus JaaePlus 18-21 Oct 20

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    um hi! I'm Lou Lou! I'm 8 years old

    and a little from the Hotel system. I just wanted to say Hi and ask how everyone is and try and make some friends ^^
    FullHotel FullHotel 13-15, F 5 Responses Nov 6

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    What to do with an alter who's personality

    changes like he has multiple personalities? He can be violent, conservative, respectful any personality you can imagine. But he's always himself, the insane though process is always there. He prepares for everything, every outcome... He's just a master of people...
    TheDylanWorld TheDylanWorld 13-15, M 2 Responses Oct 19

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    Afraid Of Losing Someone...

    This has always been a fear of mine and my alters. I lost my parents at a young age. My father died in a fire and my mother died of a brain hemmorage. My grandpa passed away at a young age and my grandma just died recently. I am always afraid of someone I love dying, especially...
    Leena26 Leena26 46-50, F 2 Responses Jan 21, 2012

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    Some of us love our boyfriend

    and want to stay with him, but others have feelings for other people. This has happened before, but this time I am finally with the guy I was pining over for years, our first breakup in 2009 was likely a big trigger for the alters in the first place. We really didn't want to...
    JaaePlus JaaePlus 18-21 2 Responses Oct 21

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    Has anyone had any parts integrate before?

    I've had a few minor parts merge with me or another part. Now 4 of my main parts are ready to integrate. It's wonderful but also very scary. I don't know if I am strong enough to go through with it.
    dreshany dreshany 41-45, F 5 Responses a week ago

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    Relationships are never easy,

    never ever. was in one but she lives to far away, met someone else and she said we are overwelling. so back to the drawing board. finding some one that everyone gets a long with and likes is like hitting the lotto. but i think its time to stop looking it just won't happen...
    ddcross70 ddcross70 36-40, M Oct 23

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    I'm questioning whether I have DID

    or not. Are there any other disorders that have separate personalities? I had two- Leah and Alan. Leah first openly appeared to me when I was 14, although I think she's been around a bit longer than that. Alan appeared around 16ish. He was an ***, he was horrible to both Leah...
    spreadsothin spreadsothin 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 26

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    Have any of you ever had an alter start to

    remove other alters, or kill them to make themselves more prominent? To try to make it just the two of you? So they have more control...
    TheDylanWorld TheDylanWorld 13-15, M 6 Responses Oct 28

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    And my alters have decided

    that they have found us the one. I'm just wondering if anyone else has alters like mine. Because of my alters all being me, and the fact that I have no sense of romantic attraction to anyone at all I'm pretty much asexual. But onto my alters they all have their own ideas of the...
    AbyssalSilence AbyssalSilence 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    About Me: Medi

    This is the first in a series of writings everybody in this body will participate in (assuming they go on EP at all). Its intent is to allow the reader to get to know each person in this body better, with information about the writer coming directly from the writer, thus avoiding...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses May 26, 2013

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    Healthy Multiplicity

    I have a case of what I like to call extremely mild DID. Others call it "Healthy Multiplicity". Basically, it's a form of DID that isn't considered to be a disorder, but just a condition. It doesn't cause any problems for me, and I am actually really glad I have it. I just wish I...
    saltyshelley saltyshelley 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 3, 2012

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    My Experience of a D.i.d (multilpe) Life

       I'm a 40 year old woman (but really I feel like a lot of much younger on inside) . Ive been aware of my system for 12 years .. I am poly multiple which means I keep splitting.  I have family groups within me but countless alters .I have Some (12 )well...
    thruthelookinglass thruthelookinglass 36-40, F 4 Responses May 17, 2009

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    We're Doing WHAT????

    Katherine, who appears to be my internal self helper? She wants us to integrate. She doesn't care how much chaos this causes, because she wants us to "shine."I asked her how long this will take, she said two years...... 8[ ...That's fast. Really fast.Basically...to de...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 9 Responses Oct 17, 2013

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    So yesterday during lunch at my high school,

    a freshman was acting all tough and ****, I ******* hate the freshmens this year, can't believe Alpha has to put up with this ****. Anyways, Alpha got his food from the lunch line and then the kid walked up to Alpha and started calling him weak and fat and a freak, (our secret...
    MultipleRex MultipleRex 16-17, M 2 Responses Oct 16

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    Two Peas In A Pod

    For a long time in my life, I knew I shared my mind with someone else. It wasn't until my late teens that I was determined to actually be co-conscious. My experience with this 'disorder' has been so incredibly positive, I've gained a friend and a new outlook on life. In my mind...
    TheDreamQueen TheDreamQueen 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 24, 2013

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    Bad Day

    we are really struggling not to hurt ourself right now.we want to soooo badly. we won't.  we can't.  it's notallowed.  the protectors have a rule.  noone can harmthemselves, each other, or the body.  when the protectorsset a rule we all have to follow it whether we want to...
    TruthSpeaks71 TruthSpeaks71 41-45 3 Responses Aug 19, 2012

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    I have a large internal system.

    my core fractured when I was 12. it is reweaving itself together now. my father was a Dr and did cruel things to me. he stopped my heart 9 or 10 times while I was growing up. I have recently begun to walk through these event by myself without my alters. I am owning it in a...
    susieladybug65 susieladybug65 56-60, F 2 Responses Nov 19

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    My Inners/Alters Whatever...

    I am currently up to 6. My therapist says I am not DID, this p1ssed the kids off, so they made me forget appointments for a month. ...They basically thought she was saying they aren't real... ...I LIKE my "kids", whatever they are. They helped me survive.  They STILL help me...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 5 Responses Jan 26, 2013

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    well once again things have gone a bit overly

    complicated for me. I went to the hospital on the 24th of December got stitches in my arm the cut was really deep again. didn't get out till the 25th I walked home in the dark alone and then got back to the house. I'm in a new house again by the way. I don't know why I can't...
    tallestshadow tallestshadow 22-25, T 2 Responses Jan 12

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    has an alter in your system ever fallen in love

    with someone who they are...how should I word this correctly hmmm...unsuited for?
    komaeda komaeda 16-17 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    do people not understand

    when im fronting that its just me fronting? dont ask to talk to anyone else cause thats not how it ******* works! i cant just make others front on a whim! appreciate me while im fronting!
    komaeda komaeda 16-17 1 Response Nov 15

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    So, I've been doing research on DID

    and have come across some interesting things that made me think, like common names in alters. So I wanted to ask everyone who is willing to respond...who has alters named Jesse, Jessica or any derivative of those names.
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX 31-35 8 Responses Nov 11

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