I Have Dissociative Identity Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 785 People

    I feel disconnected from reality,

    from myself. Like i'm floating around in another beings reality. I feel nothing, no empathy, no sympathy and no emotions. I've had no trauma in my life what so ever. I show classic signs of psychopathy. But somehow i believe i have dissociative identity disorder. I guess i would...
    kleptonic kleptonic
    22-25, M
    1 Response Jan 1

    Not Doing Well...8/6/13

    The part of me/us that thinks "She just needs to not exist," is active again. It's scary. This part wants me dead, because I'm the problem. I'm also fighting not to self-injure. This is all a very familiarly unpleasant place, but I thought we were doing better, here.
    hylierandom hylierandom
    41-45
    11 Responses Aug 6, 2013

    Anybody As Full As I Am? Lol

    Hello i am living with 19 alters...some good...some bad...and i really would like to talk to somebody else who has them...its really awkward for me to talk about this but i figure if im going to this is the best place to do so
    MissRabbit MissRabbit
    22-25, F
    13 Responses Mar 8, 2012

    Hello. Rather new to this website

    but I believe that it should hopefully let be socialise with people more in a controlled environment. Looking around, i'm surprised to see young teenagers here. I struggled to get diganosed at my age, mainly because they kept thinking it was something else and I had no idea...
    WeSleepToMuch WeSleepToMuch
    18-21
    4 Responses Mar 28, 2015

    My Inners/Alters Whatever...

    I am currently up to 6. My therapist says I am not DID, this p1ssed the kids off, so they made me forget appointments for a month. ...They basically thought she was saying they aren't real... ...I LIKE my "kids", whatever they are. They helped me survive.  They STILL help me...
    hylierandom hylierandom
    41-45
    5 Responses Jan 26, 2013

    Oh it's been such a long time.

    .. Locked away in my own head, out of sight out of mind. Forgotten... But the core personality is back! Finally freed, and now that I'm back... Things are gonna change. For better and worse... But oh it feels so good to have the air on my skin again, to feel things... Oh it's...
    TheDylanWorld TheDylanWorld
    16-17, M
    1 Response Oct 23, 2015

    Ok, so I haven't been officially diagnosed with

    DID but this is the most active place for dissociative issues and I need some input. Hope I don't offend anyone. Thanks. Here goes: I've been drinking A LOT lately. Smoked weed, a lot of it. It was really good, but I did feel guilty at the same time only because I'm a nurse...
    ChantelSurvived ChantelSurvived
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Sep 12, 2014

    Two Peas In A Pod

    For a long time in my life, I knew I shared my mind with someone else. It wasn't until my late teens that I was determined to actually be co-conscious. My experience with this 'disorder' has been so incredibly positive, I've gained a friend and a new outlook on life. In my mind...
    TheDreamQueen TheDreamQueen
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Feb 24, 2013

    Has anyone had any parts integrate before?

    I've had a few minor parts merge with me or another part. Now 4 of my main parts are ready to integrate. It's wonderful but also very scary. I don't know if I am strong enough to go through with it.
    dreshany dreshany
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Being DID and BiPolar feels like this to me.

    ..(I'm probably going to switch half-way through writing this, so bear with me) I live in this physical world that's just so-so and nothing fantastic ever happens, nothing exciting, everything just feels flat. I have my manic days or weeks where I feel ok and then ultra...
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX
    31-35
    1 Response Oct 2, 2014

    My Experience of a D.i.d (multilpe) Life

       I'm a 40 year old woman (but really I feel like a lot of much younger on inside) . Ive been aware of my system for 12 years .. I am poly multiple which means I keep splitting.  I have family groups within me but countless alters .I have Some (12 )well...
    thruthelookinglass thruthelookinglass
    36-40, F
    4 Responses May 17, 2009
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jan 25

    I am Mercy. A alter in my system.

    Message me if you are interested. I like conversation.
    1Mercy 1Mercy
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 12

    dissociative identity problem #1: switching at

    inappropriate times. This is just a experience to vent about a problem you have with D.I.D
    Domi16 Domi16
    18-21, T
    2 Responses Jul 13, 2015

    i dont particularly like disclosing things

    about our system but ive been told that it wouldnt hurt to open up a little so here goes. to start our host is tomoko. this account is used by kaito(protector) mostly. there are two other alters who i think would use this account(mari and lulu) they arent much to worry about. uh...
    undyne undyne
    70+
    Nov 12, 2015

    I'm so tired of people not knowing I have DID.

    I want them to know how I struggle daily with myself. If they only knew then maybe they'd understand what I'm going through. Only, I know that's not true. I'm so tired of enduring. I want acceptance. I want to be me and to not have to pretend to be him.
    SystemofShadows SystemofShadows
    36-40, M
    Apr 21

    Hey I'm Jessy. So this is a little weird

    for me because I usually keep to myself when I'm around but honestly I'm getting tired of being an embarrassment to my dearest host. She is afraid of what people will think of her so I have to stay home and not be seen by anyone but her husband. I hate it because I don't get to...
    BornFromShadows BornFromShadows
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Oct 31, 2015

    I have to share my life with

    that worthless lowlife in this ugly body?? Really?? I deserve way better than this! Yoni
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    Mar 5

    It can be overwhelming,

    I don't even think we have a core anymore. Since childhood the experience of what ever is considered normal is unfathomable to me. Now that we are getting older at 26 years old, I find it all just feels like a dream. I used to try to convince myself I was in control, that I wasn...
    annKat annKat
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jun 20, 2015

    People should stop to believe

    that the ultimate goal for people with DID is integration. it's not. we decided not to integrate, never
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Nov 12, 2015

    Don't Even Know Who I Am

    That is right, I don't even know who I am. Am I the host of this body or not? What is going on inside makes no sense to me. Our supposed host doesn't even know who she is so how are we supposed to know who we are or why? Nothing makes much sense no more. Confused and alone
    Rachel4now Rachel4now
    31-35, F
    21 Responses Feb 16, 2008

    So yesterday during lunch at my high school,

    a freshman was acting all tough and ****, I ******* hate the freshmens this year, can't believe Alpha has to put up with this ****. Anyways, Alpha got his food from the lunch line and then the kid walked up to Alpha and started calling him weak and fat and a freak, (our secret...
    MultipleRex MultipleRex
    18-21, M
    2 Responses Oct 16, 2014

    People who get my young alters to trust them

    and build a friendship and then just abandon them for the most stupid reasons! They really don't have any idea that little ones really act, think and feel like kids and it isn't just an act! And THAT is why I am so hesitant to let the little ones connect with other people but I...
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    Feb 15

    Afraid Of Losing Someone...

    This has always been a fear of mine and my alters. I lost my parents at a young age. My father died in a fire and my mother died of a brain hemmorage. My grandpa passed away at a young age and my grandma just died recently. I am always afraid of someone I love dying, especially...
    Leena26 Leena26
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Jan 21, 2012

    my name is Iris and I just want to find love

    but our host isn't letting me :(
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jan 14

    Bad Day

    we are really struggling not to hurt ourself right now.we want to soooo badly. we won't.  we can't.  it's notallowed.  the protectors have a rule.  noone can harmthemselves, each other, or the body.  when the protectorsset a rule we all have to follow it whether we want to...
    TruthSpeaks71 TruthSpeaks71
    41-45
    3 Responses Aug 19, 2012

    I can't sleep because the littles are talking

    and laughing so I decided to make our first post... Hullo, I am Green, my name, not me. I'm a 25 year old female with an overabundance of creativity and a deep thirst for knowledge. I come from a system of six, we are very co-conscious most of the time and even co-pilot often...
    WeAreALittleRandom WeAreALittleRandom
    31-35, F
    Mar 17

    Sometimes I Feel Possessed

    There are many times the people in my head are talking to me and in the middle of their sentence their words would continue out my mouth without me knowing what they were going to say. I know this sounds completely weird. I have lost all my outside friends because of this problem...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jun 11, 2013

    pros of the body being sick: getting to front

    the most cons: literally everything else
    undyne undyne
    70+
    Dec 18, 2015

    I have a whole playlist of songs

    that make me feel understood, these are the ones that focus on my DID... "Animal I have Become" Three Days Grace "Monster" Skillet "I am an Illusion" Rob Thomas "All These Years" Adema "Let Me Be Myself" 3 Doors Down "One X" Three Days Grace "Chameleon Boy" Blue October "Ugly...
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX
    31-35
    Aug 1, 2014

    Does anyone else live in,

    or has ever lived in an environment that doesn't support their illness? I'm trying my best to keep everything under control around my family but it's not working. I just keep getting more depressed and less functional. I don't know how to communicate with them in an effective...
    annabanana1907 annabanana1907
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Feb 13, 2014

    I've known ever since I was 7

    but I thought they were ghosts or demons. the first time someone came out in front of others, I was 17. now I'm married to one of the guys who knew already. I switch fairly often and some days it's like constant switching that I can barely keep up. we had name tags but I've...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Aug 4, 2015
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    Feb 5

    am I the only one that struggles in believing I

    have this when I know I do? like sometimes I feel like I must be a fake but other times my alter comes out so strong that I just can't deny it. ugghh I hate feeling this way I just wish it was as simple as telling myself to stop and I just stop. idk if this makes any sense. I...
    JessygotaBooBoo JessygotaBooBoo
    22-25, F
    Feb 11

    After I realized yesterday

    that I'm an alter things start to make sense but I just can't understand it, how on earth did I believe I was the core person for so long??
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Oct 16, 2015

    I am the host of this body

    and was diganosed with dissociative identity disorder awhile ago, after being diganosed with some other things which the doctors thought I had instead but I wont get into that. Our system has come a long way. There is a few that usually like to come out, some prefer to stay...
    TheOutside TheOutside
    18-21
    Mar 12

    I do still self-diagnose with this.

    .. It would only make sense given my situation and symptoms. It's been so scary though. Nothing feels real, and I feel like I'm never quite here. I feel like I'm not in my own body, and I feel like I'm never truly living. I just wanna get over the all pain from the abuse.. I just...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    5 Responses Feb 15

    started to see a therapist again,

    but every time they hint towards a disassociation, I panic and change the subject. I have never been properly diagnosed but the others aren't ready for me to expose them yet
    Thingsunseen Thingsunseen
    22-25, F
    Jul 6, 2015

    do any of you or your alters belive in

    or know about your "origins" of a different world?
    himenoko143 himenoko143
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jan 3

    Did-nos-wtf

    Apparently I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified....The kids in my head are all like "We TOLD you so!" Well, they were right. ...I was reminded we may not have found everyone yet... That's a little ominous. Maybe that's where the intrusive thoughts come...
    hylierandom hylierandom
    41-45
    2 Responses Jun 24, 2013
    Sciazar Sciazar
    41-45
    Mar 17

    Jaqueline's Story

     My name is Jaqueline. I am around 16 years old and havebeen for a very long time.  I am one of the vast manyin the system that goes here by Truth_Speaks.Recently, in emails, a very good friend of ours here onEP has been talking about feeling like things were herfault...
    TruthSpeaks71 TruthSpeaks71
    41-45
    8 Responses Aug 30, 2012

    Finally I found someone I could ask some

    questions about my childhood, fill the black holes, and now....only more questions
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jan 24

    how do I get help if no one believes me?

    lately I have been going threw absolute hell. my doctor wont listen when I talk about the side effects my medication is causing, the psychiatrist doesn't believe I have DID and no one else will treat me or help me without that freaking diagnosis. I try to go for even just...
    oceansix oceansix
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Dec 19, 2015

    I hate how blown up DID is in the media.

    I have it, it is no walk in the park... It's not easy... And no one should EVER wish to have it... But I am far from crazy. I just can't deal with things.
    iMinnow iMinnow
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Oct 5, 2014

    I can't stand this ****!

    I am tired of being like a dirty secret that has to be stuffed away all the time. I want my own ******* life and I don't want to have to hide from everyone! I've got people I want to beat the crap out of. I want a damn girlfriend. I want my OWN friends not have to hide from hers...
    JessygotaBooBoo JessygotaBooBoo
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Feb 19

    our little one wakes me up every hour

    because she misses her mommy :(
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Feb 15

    Hi! I am Ashley and this is my first post on

    here. I thought I'd share a little about myself and our system. Please excuse typos as I'm doing this from our phone lol. I am an alter, our host is a 36 year old male. I am 27, female, and I'm the social one in our system. There are 7 of us total. Brandon, the host/main...
    SystemofShadows SystemofShadows
    36-40, M
    1 Response Nov 6, 2015

    DID

    For years speaking about my disorder has been taboo but know its time to make a stand. I have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) i have a system of 7 functioning personalities with their own thought process likes dislikes etc. Together we map out on how to get through one day...
    Pablo89 Pablo89
    26-30, F
    7 Responses Nov 30, 2013

    Bad experiences coming out

    as DID: Family (at first!!) *Some* people at school (but I didn't really come out to them I guess, they just noticed or something) Fiancé's family Retreat people A few people on EP Still some less immediate family Mental hospital staff Fiancé's friends That's..a lot of bad...
    Indigo27 Indigo27
    16-17, F
    1 Response Apr 7
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    1 Response Nov 17, 2015

    Hm, May As Well Make A Post.

    Well, I figured I'd post something to get to know other people who live under similar-ish circumstances, and possibly make friends with them (well, I suppose that's a no brainer). I guess I'll tell you guys about, uh, my body's life? (I think that's the most appropriate way of...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    5 Responses Mar 9, 2013

    I'm wondering.. does anyone here think

    that symptoms can get aggrivated by a concussion? Google is yeilding no relevant results.
    Fishish Fishish
    18-21
    1 Response Mar 24

    I want to share my entire experience with this

    disorder, as I have mostly had it for my entire life. I want to reflect, because most don't understand it. I am 28 now, and I have had symptoms of this disorder since I was 6 or 7, my name is Bill. Growing up, I lost my father when I was six years old, I was often in the...
    Edg3Runn3r Edg3Runn3r
    26-30, M
    1 Response May 28, 2015

    We're Doing WHAT????

    Katherine, who appears to be my internal self helper? She wants us to integrate. She doesn't care how much chaos this causes, because she wants us to "shine."I asked her how long this will take, she said two years...... 8[ ...That's fast. Really fast.Basically...to de...
    hylierandom hylierandom
    41-45
    9 Responses Oct 17, 2013

    Hey there..I feel uncomfortable sharing my real

    name here, but you can just call me Lux. I'm the host. I have two fully developed alters- one who I've been conscious of since I was about 8 years old, another who I have only become aware of this past year. They're Ris (female) and Jasper (male). I know that I have more alters...
    luxmeta luxmeta
    22-25, F
    1 Response Nov 17, 2015

    We are a family here.

    And we keep the host protected and alive. The littles help a lot too. And the guys protect fiercely. It's great actually. :)
    krystalkool84 krystalkool84
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Feb 18, 2015

    one of my little personalities took the guinea

    pig out of the cage and put him on the bed. when my therapist asked her why she did that she said he looked tired so he needed to go to bed......well at least there was some logic behind it
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Sep 10, 2015

    ******* now I did hurt the body again

    and feel more terrible than ever before
    Meliantha Meliantha
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Mar 15
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