I Have Epilepsy - Forum & Chat Board | Sometimes I think...

 ...I don't deserve to be alive according to the laws of nature. If this was 500 years ago I wouldn't have the medication to take to prevent me from having a seizure. As a result I probably would have died by now while doing something for my survival. Like falling off a rock face or sinking into deep water because of a seizure.

I also think I don't deserve to be a parent in the future. What if I do have a seizure and my kid dies as a result of it. Like in a car accident. Or since I black out. What if I can't stop him or her from doing something dangerous which results in their death.

Anyone else have these thoughts?      

No, I don't have these thoughts.  I, frankly, am just grateful to be living in the day and age that I do.  I take Topamax and have been seizure free now for six years - I call it my wonder drug.  Compared to the other drugs I have taken for my seizures, I don't feel as drugged - I feel more alert.  While there are days, I feel out of it or tired, for the most part, I feel alive and ready to live my life.  Always in the back of my mind (very back of my mind), I know I could have a seizure while driving, I could have a seizure while swimming or riding my bike, or any other activity that I do ... however, as one of my doctors a very long time ago told me, I CANNOT STOP LIVING MY LIFE and I will not.  I will go on every day living my life, and if some day I have a seizure driving, swimming or any other thing, I just have to hope it doesn't end my life.  I don't let it consume me.  I don't think about it consciously every time I get in the car or water or whatever.

As far as kids go, I don't want children, so I don't worry about that aspect.  I have on occasion, when I'm holding my nieces or nephews, worried about it.  I have worried "what will happen if I have a seizure and I'm holding them?"  I would never want to hurt them.  It's just a small fleeting thought and it goes away very quickly.

I guess the best thing I can say to you is just live your life - live each day to the fullest.

I got diagnosed with epilepsy in 4th grade. I went on some liquid medicine that made my hair fall out, so they switched me to Zarontin, which helped a little, but not enough by itself, so they also put me on Lamictal. I have been seizure free since June 3, 2003. I ended up getting my permit and license late because of my epilepsy, but that's okay. I am kind of nervous about having kids because of the possibilities that something could go wrong (I have the absent seizures, my longest one was 30 seconds), or my child could have birth defects. I am VERY careful about where I go. I don't go to concerts (which kinda sucks), and emergency vehicle lights bother me at night sometimes. I know what to and what not to do to control the possibility of having seizures. I am very careful about it. If I'm not feeling well and I don't have to drive, I won't. I would much rather be safe than sorry. It does not quite control my life, but it does make me more cautious about where I'm at and what I'm doing.

 I had petit mal seizures for about 3 years when I was 4 but they randomly went away when I got sick and couldn't take my medicine anymore. Then when I was 14 I had my first Grand Mal, tonic clonic seizure. I'm not 19 and have had I think 9 grand mal seizures since then. When I wake up out of my seizure that does involve major convulsions, jaw locking, and throwing up I know exactly what has happened and I usually feel sick with a massive headache. The thing I hate the most about having them is not being able to drive 6 months after them. I only got my license 3 months late which I am really lucky for. I had one in a pool 3 years ago, I was under for about 2 minutes before my friend found me, it was the scariest thing for myself and my friends that had to get me breathing again. I'm lucky that I haven't had one in a public place or driving yet but it seems like I've had one everywhere else and I still think about what would happen if I did. I don't let it change my life or things I do, other than I can't take baths, go swimming by myself or drink alcohol which doesn't bother me much. I do go to one of the biggest party universities in the country so drinking is all around me but when I remember what it feels like to have a seizure it stops me right away. I would rather watch people make fools of them selves then have to take another ride in an ambulence and a night in the hospital. I haven't had one in 1 1/2 years and that's the longest time it has ever been. I take lamictal and it seems like it has changed my ways in school but I'm not quite sure if that is the reason. Has anyone ever had a problem with Lamictal?

i have those thoughts daily

I think about that all the time. About how if I am going to have a baby one day that I might have a seizure during the delivery or something horrible like that. I also think it might wrong to even get pregnant since I have epilepsy and I could give it to my son or daughter. It does bother me a lot. So I understand what you are saying. You are not alone.

Hi I have grand mal seizures. I don't know when they are coming so that scares me a little but I decided not to stop living my life just because of that. I am 46 now and I have 6 children not one has epilepsy and they are all perfect except one. He has spina bifida. My neurologist at the time put me on epilum which is a known drug that causes spina bifida. But he is great and has no epilepsy and I can manage him fine. It would be such a waste of your live not to have children just because of this. I have seizures sure but I still live a full life with my children and husband just like anybody without epilepsy would. Don't let it rule you. Cheers