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I Have Flashbacks of Awful Things

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 327 People

    I keep waking up with nightmares.

    Nightmares of the guy who raped me. I'm not sure why this is happening, because it just started. But I hate it. I haven't gotten much sleep lately. ;~;
    zbubbly603 zbubbly603 16-17, F Mar 2

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    I Witnessed A Terrible Accident, And Blanked It Out

    I used to have flashes of a dark, lonely stretch of highway, late at night, right in the middle of nowhere. I'd see a small yellow car being pursued at high speed by an 18-wheeler. The car would virtually fly onto an exit ramp to escape the truck, lose control, roll and burst...
    diewasseratte diewasseratte 61-65, F Aug 15, 2011

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    I don't like it when I get flashbacks of my rape

    for no reason. I hate when I remember things I thought I didn't remember about that night, but I always feel like I'm on the verge of remembering a lot of details I couldn't before. I wish it never happened, I wouldn't be so difficult and hard to love if it never did. :(
    treasureforever treasureforever 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 17

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    Flashbacks....

    They happen all the time...or if someone triggers a memory then they are there and it sucks.
    gentlyyours gentlyyours 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 23, 2012

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    Flashbacks Memories Or Imaginings

    for years I have had flashbacks of awful things from my youth. A good portion of my life my family tried to get me to believe that these were imaginings from my warped brain as a child. Still there were things that did not fit imaginings so I kept searching. I think some...
    familiarjackal familiarjackal 56-60, M 6 Responses Apr 10, 2012

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    :/

    A little over a year ago on Christmas Eve, my (ex) fiance and I were arguing, and he ended up beating me up, really bad, over the course of seven hours. Hitting me in the face and in the stomach, biting me, and so many horrible things. He wouldn't let me leave his apartment, and...
    yell0bird yell0bird 22-25, F 5 Responses Mar 2, 2013

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    Its Disturbing

    i always have flash backs of bad things that happened while i was in school and of bad things that people have said to me and of things that i just want to forget. i hate it and it really gets to me, and i know that that is what is constantly knocking back my confidence and...
    sezy sezy 16-17, F 3 Responses Aug 17, 2007

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    What Does It Mean?

    I have always had this wierd flash that pops into my mind.  It's the same images.  It's like a memory but I don't remember it.  I remember the location when I was a kid.  I remember the house.  I remember the backyard and playing in the tent.  It's what in the tent that...
    flodials flodials 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 6, 2012

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    The Smell

    I really hate when a scent sends me back to those moments I wish to forget. Unable to leave those moments in the past, They come from nowhere and I have no control to stop them. I just let them wash over me like the waves at the shore. The only comfort is at some point they will...
    Biohazard61 Biohazard61 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 9, 2013

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    Every Few Seconds..

    Tired of it all..It seems like I'm perfectly fine but far from it. Battling this depression since childhood, flashbacks of horrible things fill my head constantly. I could be thinking of a egg sandwich and FLASH, FLASH, FLASH...Loss of appetite, mood change. I try my absolute...
    sicajae7 sicajae7 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 4, 2013

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    Betrayed By Me.

    I can't begin to tell you how hard this is. It hurts so bad and yeah i know its just a flashback and it is not really happening now. I just feel so awful and sad and hurt and dirty and shameful and oh I just wish I could really tell you how I feel. Those are only words on a page...
    me2plz me2plz 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 20, 2010

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    Shame

    Thats what I am feeling.  I want to expose myself but my shame keeps me.  I know where I am is only a part of the process.  I know I have to write about all the different expericnes I have been through.  I want to expose that part.  Shame.  Not for how someone would see me...
    flodials flodials 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 18, 2012

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    Continuously

    I woke up several times last nite.  I was having waking dreams again.  The ones where you feel like you are still in the middle of it and takes awhile for you to figure out that .....that was long long ago. I also had more....it was like I was sleeping and all my family was...
    flodials flodials 41-45, F 3 Responses Apr 18, 2012

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    Wen I was 8 i played football with few mates

    then I saw my best friend claps on the floor after he scored a gole... dinner nannies running over 2 help i saw his face go gray his lips go blue and his eyes roll to the bk of his head. 2 hours later I got told he had died not long after I left him on the school grass
    24chris24 24chris24 22-25, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    My flashbacks are comparatively tame compared

    to the ones experienced by the other posters. They've had to deal with horrifying traumas, but my cross to bear is embarassment. Every time I find a moment of peace I'll suddenly be reliving a moment where I made a complete *** of myself. Every. Time. I try to let go, but the...
    RustinCohle RustinCohle 18-21, M Mar 2

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    Confused

    I have frequently struggle with the fact that my body reacted to a rape or other form of sexual abuse by having an ******. I wrestle with whether the sexual abuse could have been “that bad” if I had an ****** during it. Also I question whether this means that I am was some...
    me2plz me2plz 31-35, F Aug 22, 2010

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    Awful Things

    I have flashback and it is due to my past.  I must say; it got better, thank goodness.
    Whateverrrrr Whateverrrrr 36-40, F 2 Responses May 21, 2011

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    I Hate These Flashbacks I Get.

    Every day i have had a flashback about war.  I started having them right after i left Afghanistan Th first flash back i usually get is the one about the vehicle born improvised explosive device that hit my cop at 6:00 in the morning. It feels i am there every time. I feel the...
    heero22 heero22 18-21 Nov 4, 2011

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    It Happens To Most Of Us But It Doesn't Make It Any Easier Some Times

    I have been diagnosed with PTSD. This is not something that defines who I am. Yes sometimes I do get flash backs and have vivid horrible nightmeres. I mostly try to ignore them and don't pay them credence because I feel if I dwell on it then it becomes me and that's not who I am...
    Kindal Kindal 46-50, F 4 Responses Jul 27, 2010

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    Well Done, Plaid!

    Just laying here reading a book I managed to trigger my stupid self.  The story didn't even have anything to do with anything and I'm spazzing!  Didn't go into a full-blown flashback, but it's a body memory and QUITE bad enough!I've had a bunch of flashbacks lately...the body...
    Plaid Plaid 31-35, F Aug 27, 2011

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    Flashbacks Hurt

    The day is going great. The clock is ticking as it should. My shift is nearly over. Then it happens! In walks someone from my past. Her parents & my parents were good friends. Her mom taught me in school. She was my mentor, the reason I became a teacher. My mom died from cancer...
    jiggstrixie92 jiggstrixie92 51-55, F 4 Responses May 22, 2011

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    Just Did...

    i dunno what triggered it, but all of a sudden i felt cold and scared and shaky.  at least i was home and secure; i gave myself permission to let whatever wanted to come up and out do so.  it was horrible, a scene i havent flashed on before... and one i hadnt remembered...
    SunnyKris SunnyKris 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 24, 2007

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    Bump In The Night

    I suffer from severe flashbacks, which thanks to medication have lessened a little in the last year or so. I was sexually abused for many years, and I often have flashbacks when its dark, or when dark is approaching. He used to come into my room late at night, to "tuck me in...
    Gokickamoocow Gokickamoocow 22-25, F Apr 12, 2011

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    Flashbacks from childhood not an easy thing to

    deal with! Sometimes wood love to wipe my memory like a tape!!!
    Sandyshaw13 Sandyshaw13 36-40, F 1 Response Mar 4

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    Leave Me Alone, Flashback Demons!

    A lot of times I will suddenly get a flashback of what happened to me before. These things are usually sad and often the ones that left me crying and at my lowest. Mostly they are mistakes I made in judgment, decision-making (like lying and then getting caught - yikes!), and just...
    mixedview mixedview 16-17, F Dec 31, 2007

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    Thought I Was Done

    So, I've been through some stuff.... but who hasn't? Plenty of people have seen and experienced things that where vile. I thought i was done though.. I thought i was in the clear, been to therapy got that t-shirt all that ****. It's been about a year since I've had a flashback...
    DeanaWinchester DeanaWinchester 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 2, 2012

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    I Do

        i have flashbacks of my mother dieing , the events to it . abuse from my fooster parents . middle school . my dad's gf daughter son terizing me .
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 5, 2009

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    Wierd....

    It's wierd for me...I'd be in my room reading, listening to music somewhere, or talking to a friend and then I just get these horrible flashbacks of my worst regrets and then I snap back into reality and I honestly hate it...but then again........who doesnt?
    ROCKjunki42 ROCKjunki42 16-18, F Dec 10, 2007

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    Related Experiences

    A actually wrote this last January 31st but I wasn't able to post it immediately because I'm a little bit busy. Just a random post, I don't know what are the things that will be...
    m00nshine m00nshine 16-17, F Mar 24

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    1.) There are more selfish people in the world than selfless people. 2.) A lot of people only care about themselves. 3.) Some people enjoy causing pain to others. 4.). People...
    hadyourchance hadyourchance 31-35, F 4 Responses Apr 6

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    I don't know what it is. Even if I am so tired, and I know I need to get some sleep, if I have a lot on my mind, the hampster wheel just keeps on spinning!
    marine0351 marine0351 36-40, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Like tonight for example. Someone talk to me!!! lol.
    Wholam Wholam 18-21, F Mar 27

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    I hate it when i post something on this app and then people who dont know me say that I'm too young and stuff like that i post stuff to get advice from people not for them to tell...
    blackrose256 blackrose256 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 3

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    I have yet to see anyone about it or get an official diagnosis, but I think I have paranoid or disorganized schizophrenia. I have been experiencing auditory, visual, and even...
    e524 e524 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Does anyone know that feeling of just laying beside someone and slowly getting more and more nervous and... Horny I guess haha and you really wanna do something like kiss the...
    MorbidRainbow MorbidRainbow 13-15, F 4 hrs ago

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    I'm 14. I was raped last summer by my uncle and three strange men. They've all been punished in some way for what they did. It's all behind me now, but I'm still not over it. I see...
    mouthdakota mouthdakota 18-21, M 5 Responses Mar 29

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    Beliefs/Religions Sorry if this seems sarcastic because I am. I think we all have the rights to believe in anything we want. I always try to accept the fact that people have...
    Chirogymnast Chirogymnast 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 6

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    As a child....I've always seen and heard things. Terrifying things.. That had me scared to sleep at night. I dreamt of future events. I had a dream about my grandfathers death at...
    nativesoul73 nativesoul73 41-45 Apr 2

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    I wish we could talk, I have so many things to say. I wish we never met. I wish that I could forget. I wish that all of the things we did we can do all over again (ahh I wish). I...
    PosterGirl PosterGirl 31-35, F Mar 31

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    Above is a photo of Flexural psoriasis which I found after spending a long time researching,it's not me but it looks exactly how my armpits look nearish their worst flareups except...
    SparklyRain SparklyRain 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    1. I consider myself a Christian. 2. I am very far from perfect and have done many things that are wrong. 3. I live in the North East of the United States. 4. I have been married...
    ezmoney ezmoney 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 26

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    For some reason recently I started feeling like I haven't really done many exciting things in life. But since I started writing about my experiences here on EP and some comments I...
    G1One G1One 31-35, M Mar 27

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    So, my sister has always been great in school, Except for lately, She has been really depressed and have been starting to forget things, Therefore she has trouble in school since...
    Iwanttobeanonymous123 Iwanttobeanonymous123 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    I used to be really close to two of my friends last year, and I could tell them everything. I told one of them that I was lesbian and she completely accepted me for who I was. But...
    Randomcityify Randomcityify 13-15, F Mar 27

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    I am happily with my boyfriend but his friend is like his complete opposite; shy, quiet, a different physique, very warm-hearted to EVERYONE, weird in his own way, and funny in his...
    SurpriseMeToday SurpriseMeToday 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 5

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    i'm thinking about it now in fact. i'm tired of being depressed and sick all the time. i'm tired of being used. i'm tired of hurting. i don't think anyone will miss me except...
    Transluminal2010 Transluminal2010 41-45, M Apr 9

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    i'm thinking about it now in fact. i'm tired of being depressed and sick all the time. i'm tired of being used. i'm tired of hurting. i don't think anyone will miss me except...
    Transluminal2010 Transluminal2010 41-45, M Apr 9

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    i'm thinking about it now in fact. i'm tired of being depressed and sick all the time. i'm tired of being used. i'm tired of hurting. i don't think anyone will miss me except...
    Transluminal2010 Transluminal2010 41-45, M 2 Responses Apr 9

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    #3 of "Things I am proud of about me": 3. I love to challenge myself and push myself further. Everyone has their own personal struggles in life that they can either face and fight...
    shannonymous shannonymous 18-21, F 7 hrs ago

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    I just want to curl up in bed with my teddy bear and sleep all day long. I'm tired of the ups and downs and instability. I just want to close my eyes and not feel everything so...
    treasureforever treasureforever 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 4

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    Ever since this girl first walked into our school for the first time, I couldn't take my eyes off her, and I know I probably wasn't the only one gazing at her beauty. Through my...
    elugo123456789 elugo123456789 18-21, M Apr 8

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    I love my mom and my grandma but growing up was sometimes really hard for me. I remember waking up in the middle of the night when I was really little so i could bury my head under...
    bsmirror bsmirror 22-25, F 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    Him - There is this one man who keeps tormenting me in my nightmares to the point that I can't even think of him the same way in real life without having flashbacks of those...
    Monstermaster13 Monstermaster13 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 28

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    I have a heart shaped birthmark on my left ankle and I sometimes wonder of that's because I'm special. At times I still feel like there's a part of me I don't know about or I'm not...
    xDreamerGirlx xDreamerGirlx 13-15, F 4 Responses 2 days ago