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I Have Flashbacks of Awful Things

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 382 People

    I don't like it when I get flashbacks of my rape

    for no reason. I hate when I remember things I thought I didn't remember about that night, but I always feel like I'm on the verge of remembering a lot of details I couldn't before. I wish it never happened, I wouldn't be so difficult and hard to love if it never did. :(
    treasureforever treasureforever 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 17

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    Confused

    I have frequently struggle with the fact that my body reacted to a rape or other form of sexual abuse by having an ******. I wrestle with whether the sexual abuse could have been “that bad” if I had an ****** during it. Also I question whether this means that I am was some...
    me2plz me2plz 31-35, F Aug 22, 2010

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    I Hate These Flashbacks I Get.

    Every day i have had a flashback about war.  I started having them right after i left Afghanistan Th first flash back i usually get is the one about the vehicle born improvised explosive device that hit my cop at 6:00 in the morning. It feels i am there every time. I feel the...
    heero22 heero22 18-21 Nov 4, 2011

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    I lost a job because a particular flashback

    persisted to plague me. It made me tired, irritable, angry. I just couldn't deal with the stress and the fear on top of everything else. So I left.
    macabrEnigma macabrEnigma 18-21, T Jul 13

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    Flashbacks....

    They happen all the time...or if someone triggers a memory then they are there and it sucks.
    gentlyyours gentlyyours 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 23, 2012

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    Leave Me Alone, Flashback Demons!

    A lot of times I will suddenly get a flashback of what happened to me before. These things are usually sad and often the ones that left me crying and at my lowest. Mostly they are mistakes I made in judgment, decision-making (like lying and then getting caught - yikes!), and just...
    mixedview mixedview 16-17, F Dec 31, 2007

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    Flashbacks Memories Or Imaginings

    for years I have had flashbacks of awful things from my youth. A good portion of my life my family tried to get me to believe that these were imaginings from my warped brain as a child. Still there were things that did not fit imaginings so I kept searching. I think some...
    familiarjackal familiarjackal 56-60, M 6 Responses Apr 10, 2012

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    sometimes it's ok but other times I can get

    really scared and cry certain thing can set them off I mostly freak out if some lunges for me or pushes me hard
    BlueLanternDodgerBlake BlueLanternDodgerBlake 16-17, F May 29

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    Betrayed By Me.

    I can't begin to tell you how hard this is. It hurts so bad and yeah i know its just a flashback and it is not really happening now. I just feel so awful and sad and hurt and dirty and shameful and oh I just wish I could really tell you how I feel. Those are only words on a page...
    me2plz me2plz 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 20, 2010

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    I can't stop thinking about my past,

    anybody want to help me understand it?
    ChangedForever27 ChangedForever27 16-17, F 2 Responses May 29

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    The Smell

    I really hate when a scent sends me back to those moments I wish to forget. Unable to leave those moments in the past, They come from nowhere and I have no control to stop them. I just let them wash over me like the waves at the shore. The only comfort is at some point they will...
    Biohazard61 Biohazard61 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 9, 2013

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    Continuously

    I woke up several times last nite.  I was having waking dreams again.  The ones where you feel like you are still in the middle of it and takes awhile for you to figure out that .....that was long long ago. I also had more....it was like I was sleeping and all my family was...
    flodials flodials 41-45, F 3 Responses Apr 18, 2012

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    Thought I Was Done

    So, I've been through some stuff.... but who hasn't? Plenty of people have seen and experienced things that where vile. I thought i was done though.. I thought i was in the clear, been to therapy got that t-shirt all that ****. It's been about a year since I've had a flashback...
    DeanaWinchester DeanaWinchester 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 2, 2012

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    My flashbacks are comparatively tame compared

    to the ones experienced by the other posters. They've had to deal with horrifying traumas, but my cross to bear is embarassment. Every time I find a moment of peace I'll suddenly be reliving a moment where I made a complete *** of myself. Every. Time. I try to let go, but the...
    RustinCohle RustinCohle 18-21, M Mar 2

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    Shame

    Thats what I am feeling.  I want to expose myself but my shame keeps me.  I know where I am is only a part of the process.  I know I have to write about all the different expericnes I have been through.  I want to expose that part.  Shame.  Not for how someone would see me...
    flodials flodials 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 18, 2012

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    Wen I was 8 i played football with few mates

    then I saw my best friend claps on the floor after he scored a gole... dinner nannies running over 2 help i saw his face go gray his lips go blue and his eyes roll to the bk of his head. 2 hours later I got told he had died not long after I left him on the school grass
    24chris24 24chris24 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 15

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    Flashbacks Hurt

    The day is going great. The clock is ticking as it should. My shift is nearly over. Then it happens! In walks someone from my past. Her parents & my parents were good friends. Her mom taught me in school. She was my mentor, the reason I became a teacher. My mom died from cancer...
    jiggstrixie92 jiggstrixie92 51-55, F 4 Responses May 22, 2011

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    I Do

        i have flashbacks of my mother dieing , the events to it . abuse from my fooster parents . middle school . my dad's gf daughter son terizing me .
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 5, 2009

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    when I was very young,

    about 3 i think. I was molested by a friend of a relative. I don't remember it much, since I repressed it so much. But it happened. This is the first time I'm letting myself talk about it. I've never let myself think about it. I will sometimes flashback to it, in a dream, or...
    Rose11231 Rose11231 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 13

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    It Happens To Most Of Us But It Doesn't Make It Any Easier Some Times

    I have been diagnosed with PTSD. This is not something that defines who I am. Yes sometimes I do get flash backs and have vivid horrible nightmeres. I mostly try to ignore them and don't pay them credence because I feel if I dwell on it then it becomes me and that's not who I am...
    Kindal Kindal 46-50, F 4 Responses Jul 27, 2010

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    I keep waking up with nightmares.

    Nightmares of the guy who raped me. I'm not sure why this is happening, because it just started. But I hate it. I haven't gotten much sleep lately. ;~;
    zbubbly603 zbubbly603 16-17, F Mar 2

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    Awful Things

    I have flashback and it is due to my past.  I must say; it got better, thank goodness.
    Whateverrrrr Whateverrrrr 36-40, F 2 Responses May 21, 2011

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    Wierd....

    It's wierd for me...I'd be in my room reading, listening to music somewhere, or talking to a friend and then I just get these horrible flashbacks of my worst regrets and then I snap back into reality and I honestly hate it...but then again........who doesnt?
    ROCKjunki42 ROCKjunki42 16-18, F Dec 10, 2007

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    Well Done, Plaid!

    Just laying here reading a book I managed to trigger my stupid self.  The story didn't even have anything to do with anything and I'm spazzing!  Didn't go into a full-blown flashback, but it's a body memory and QUITE bad enough!I've had a bunch of flashbacks lately...the body...
    Plaid Plaid 31-35, F Aug 27, 2011

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    I Witnessed A Terrible Accident, And Blanked It Out

    I used to have flashes of a dark, lonely stretch of highway, late at night, right in the middle of nowhere. I'd see a small yellow car being pursued at high speed by an 18-wheeler. The car would virtually fly onto an exit ramp to escape the truck, lose control, roll and burst...
    diewasseratte diewasseratte 61-65, F Aug 15, 2011

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    Its Disturbing

    i always have flash backs of bad things that happened while i was in school and of bad things that people have said to me and of things that i just want to forget. i hate it and it really gets to me, and i know that that is what is constantly knocking back my confidence and...
    sezy sezy 16-17, F 3 Responses Aug 17, 2007

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    I suffer with really bad flashbacks of my

    childhood abuse and other horrific times I'vr had in the past. I have them everyday and they just come on all of a sudden. I don't need triggers to cause them, they are spontaneous. It is really hard and is making my life difficult when I'm constantly seeing gruesome images that...
    BeautyOfSuffering BeautyOfSuffering 22-25, F 1 Response Jun 5

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    Every Few Seconds..

    Tired of it all..It seems like I'm perfectly fine but far from it. Battling this depression since childhood, flashbacks of horrible things fill my head constantly. I could be thinking of a egg sandwich and FLASH, FLASH, FLASH...Loss of appetite, mood change. I try my absolute...
    sicajae7 sicajae7 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 4, 2013

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    I kissed my bosses husband!

    ! We were both drunk and I'm not sure he even remembers. I feel terrible!! The woman is so nice! I feel like a terrible person!!
    rosebud622 rosebud622 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 13

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    My past unfortunately is something

    that I cannot forget
    nerdybabe nerdybabe 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 22

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    Sick

    I have flashbacks of being a really sick girl growing up. Mentally. Flashbacks of things I don't want to remember from when I was even younger. None of it was horrible, but it does make me feel bad. Nobody knows I was hospitalized except my parents. It shouldn't matter. Still...
    LifelessSource LifelessSource 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 8, 2011

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    A few month ago I through myself into the

    freeway to try and leave this world. When I close my eyes I can still hear the crashing and smashing of my body
    BrookeSandhurst BrookeSandhurst 16-17, F Jul 13

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    When I was bout 5 I saw a person get murderd

    and I said nothin and she comes to me at night
    poisonivy1365 poisonivy1365 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 13

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    What Does It Mean?

    I have always had this wierd flash that pops into my mind.  It's the same images.  It's like a memory but I don't remember it.  I remember the location when I was a kid.  I remember the house.  I remember the backyard and playing in the tent.  It's what in the tent that...
    flodials flodials 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 6, 2012

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    Bump In The Night

    I suffer from severe flashbacks, which thanks to medication have lessened a little in the last year or so. I was sexually abused for many years, and I often have flashbacks when its dark, or when dark is approaching. He used to come into my room late at night, to "tuck me in...
    Gokickamoocow Gokickamoocow 22-25, F Apr 12, 2011

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    Just Did...

    i dunno what triggered it, but all of a sudden i felt cold and scared and shaky.  at least i was home and secure; i gave myself permission to let whatever wanted to come up and out do so.  it was horrible, a scene i havent flashed on before... and one i hadnt remembered...
    SunnyKris SunnyKris 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 24, 2007

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    :/

    A little over a year ago on Christmas Eve, my (ex) fiance and I were arguing, and he ended up beating me up, really bad, over the course of seven hours. Hitting me in the face and in the stomach, biting me, and so many horrible things. He wouldn't let me leave his apartment, and...
    yell0bird yell0bird 22-25, F 5 Responses Mar 2, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    I had a weird experience about 10ish years ago and I woke up thinking about it this morning, so I decided to write it up and post it. My sister and I were laughing and talking as...
    SkatingMomma SkatingMomma 41-45, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Have you ever had a problem just shutting your brain down at the end of the day?
    DharmaFrost DharmaFrost 22-25, F 3 Responses Jun 26

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    Talked with a girl for five minutes during class time, had talked with her earlier also. After our conversation is over and I am in the hallway talking about class with some other...
    kumarawijeet kumarawijeet 18-21, M Jul 3

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    I didn't go for what I wanted but instead I settled for I already have.. Is that good or bad?
    purplefreespirit purplefreespirit 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    Someone I love very much was hurt by someone that we both trusted. The entire thing has been seared into my memory for life, but I haven't ever felt that I should talk about it...
    Steinbaum Steinbaum 26-30, M 1 Response Jul 14

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    I remember when I was six it was mid march and we were at the hospital. You see my grandmother had bad kidneys she was a smoker and her lungs were failing and she's was on support...
    Marigold101 Marigold101 16-17, F Jul 3

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    On Tuesday there were six people in my hostel, and after a big lunch we all felt sleepy. The next thing we know is warden is here and is trying to explain to us that it isn't...
    kumarawijeet kumarawijeet 18-21, M Jul 3

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    Sometimes I'll ask my boyfriend "what are you thinking about?" And he says "nothing" all the time, and he means that literally. I am always thinking about something whether it be...
    gardengirl17 gardengirl17 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 3

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l12yqyJy7rg
    Spitbak Spitbak 41-45, M Jul 14

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    My heart hurt so bad I feel so lonely
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jul 15

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    This is the second thing 2. I code my own clothes . For my whole life my sis chose my clothes that she liked and I hated , yesterday I went shopping and cuz my sis is married and...
    DrowningInPain2 DrowningInPain2 13-15, F Jul 15

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    This will be the third thing 3. I talked with a boy . So I talked with my friend'a bro , he is one year older than me . And I played with ps4 I sucked so he taught me and while...
    DrowningInPain2 DrowningInPain2 13-15, F Jul 15

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    I seeing my brother in the morning
    killerinsident killerinsident 13-15, F 6 days ago

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    I have flashbacks all the time. They used to be just to bad points in my life that I didn't want to remember, like the "my parents arguing" kind of thing. But recently, they've...
    MissSheila MissSheila 16-17, F Jul 10

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