I Have No Friends Forum & Chat Board | Short, not good looking no friends

Well I am 50, short, not good looking and have no friends. I have learned over the years that this is due mostly because of physical appearance. I can walk into a room full of people, dressed nice, stand there and watch as everyone move away. I figure women want noting to do with a short guy, I have seen enough data on that, unfortunately there is nothing I can do to get taller.   So I am slowly becoming ok with no friends, I still like to do a wide variety of things. The tough part is when I see other people have a good experience with friends, or never getting invited to a party, left out.  I have become a very quite person.  I think because of my social isolation I see things different than most people.  The only real problem is I have is sleeping at night, i don't have many happy memories and replay all the bad  that i experience, I am trying meditation to get past that. Just thought I would share my experience.  

 

Hey - sorry if at any point in this post I come off as blunt; I'm really just writing out my thoughts. Like stream of consciousness sort of, because I'm supposed to be doing an AP Chemistry lab report but I'm much better at procrastinating.
I wonder what it's like to be fifty and still go through these sorts of feelings. Do you know, I always look at people older than I - you know, like older than forty, and I'm seventeen - and feel a bit of envy. Because certainly they're indifferent, by now, to what anyone thinks of them. Or not even that! But they don't care what small people think of them, and they've accepted themselves and now...they only focus on bigger things. Well, I think it must be something, to be a guy and not be tall. Because I've only just started noticing things about men and one thing I nearly shiver at with pleasure is height. So then, the shorter guys...well, but what if they're awfully kind and certain in themselves? That's better than height, I'd say. I think anyone would agree as well. Because you know what? These people, all of them, they've got little dents and scratches and wounds that positively ache for certain things, and one of those things for which they ache is kindness - not from anyone, but from someone who has kindness to give. Someone who has so very much kindness to give, because inside they're whole. Or nearly, anyway - I suppose even those few perfectly content with themselves have a few dents here and there, as well.
I think the most important thing is to be someone you will respect. Like if you were to meet yourself in a room, you'd think, this is a capital fellow, I want to hang around him. I love capital fellows. And capital fellows make decisions they can respect. When they say they're going to do something, they do it. When they do a job they do it right. I mean, if you can say both of those things, if you're one of the few whose actions are truly worthy of respect - well then, you've got the world at your feet.

 

Hey,  Wish I was 17 again, most people say they won't change anything, I would change it all.  I am a good honest moral person, but  physical appearance will determine your fate unless your a genius at something.   when your short you don't get to make mistakes, cause just one and your out.  I know that sounds cryptic, but attractive people have a wide birth on behavior.  Now get back to your AP homeowrk

 

Once you become comfortable with how you feel; alone, have no friends, aren't good looking, and that women don't like you....

You'll finally be comfortable with who you are.
Do not use things to help you, the only person or thing that can help you is love...love yourself for what you've made of yourself. If people hate on you and treat you like dirt...that is them, they're dirt, people speak for themselves.

Often, the worst things people can say to another person are the worst things they can think of about themselves. People beat themselves up before they go inflict damage on someone else. Quit beating yourself up for things you can't control. Life is not short, if you eat healthy there's still another 50yrs left up on your calendar.

**** people, **** the world, **** modern culture...you can even say **** my life...but none of that substitutes the fact for how you really feel.

Stop hiding from yourself

 

swebber,  you're words moved me to tears.  I would like to think that there are people out there who find a positive and respectful person enough. However, in this materialistic world, where people are judged by their looks and youth is exalted, I fear it's not enough to be an upstanding person. Loneliness can be so crippling that''s why I think red55555 may perhaps strive towards being more social by joining a club or something.  Who knows you may find someone who sees you as the respectful and positive guy and not the short guy, unattractive guy you think you are. I think it all starts in our perception of how we see ourselves.  

 

Not really familiar with this site so I didn't realize you quoted me. 

Sure, good-looking people have a wider berth than do ugly people, but likable people have the widest berth of all. Likable people can do just what they feel and we like them all the same. Because...well, whatever they do is what we're supposed to like, right ? The fact is, we're more attracted to auras than we are actual looks. 

My brother, for example, has this irresistible assurance about himself. Whatever he does is what's supposed to be done; you can always feel at ease with my brother. Because he decided he's good and moral and he respects himself - rather, he does things he can respect. That's the key, I think.

And a boy who lives down my street...well, when I first saw him I thought he was hideous. In fact, a friend of mine saw his picture just recently and said "Ugh, how could you have liked him?"
But I did. I liked him so much it ached... he had this delightful aura about him, that he was wonderful and content and nothing else mattered. I was drawn to him just as everyone else was, because he was magical and lovely to be around. The only thing that stopped my affections was my discovering his beautiful girlfriend, haha.

But none of this matters. The only thing that matters is that you are good. Even if nothing else follows, even if you never have any friends till the day you die, you have to be good. Because good is unconditional and the only reason to be good is because good is good to be (;

I suppose that doesn't help much. Alright, maybe this makes more sense - people are drawn to people who "have" something of worth, and maybe they shouldn't be, but they are. Good looks are something of worth; but more importantly good looks imply confidence and self-respect, which is what people are truly drawn to. So if you respect yourself, then you've already got the end product. And gahh....if you respect yourself then you don't care if anybody else does! Because you do things you can respect, and that's enough.

 

@ fanofwords - Agreed, becoming more social is great advice. That way people have the chance to step back and admire you.

 

hey dude i can be yr buddy if u like:):)and no i'm not gay....
stop worrying bout what others think and enjoy life k!

 

I am not very good looking either.  I have no friends at all either.  I have made friends but they don't last.  During that time of our friendship,  they weren't really friends because they will not invite me anywhere.  They will not call me.  Whe I invite them, they are too busy, or no money, then end up going out to eat, to concerts, other states, other cities, sporting events, etc.  without me. People turn their backs on me all the time.  I am a friend when someone allows me too, but that doesn;t last because they leave me.  It does not matter what I do.  Only when they want something, they love me. After that, Its bye bye pearl, you are out.  I am always alone.  Sometimes I wish I had a friend.  so count me as a friend to  you.

 

I, too, am very soon to be 50, short and average looking.  I can TOTALLY identify with what you are saying.  I am a woman and it is so hard when people make judgement calls about you based upon packaging.  I am a good, caring , moral, loving, honest and humorous person.  I am somewhat shy, but shyness aside, I can relate to what you are saying.  It is more than just loving yourself ( the advice dejour).  I do love the person that I am, but I too need to be acknowledged as a human being, seen as a person who has value, as we all need to be seen as.  I feel invisible. I am 5'2" and slightly overweight.  I am moderately attractive, yet I am invisible.  I totally get what you are saying.