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I Hide My Depression From Everyone Who Knows Me

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 3,925 People

    Okay so my two best friends are

    both depressed and talk ALOT about it. I feel like sometimes they even kind of compete. For example "guys I'm sorry but I cut today" "same" "like a lot" "same you don't understand" "no I do because I cut more than anybody else" and they don't even know I battle depression (I...
    marissalind marissalind 13-15, F Oct 6, 2014

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    Today I went to therapy like I do every

    Wednesday and I had to tell her about the suicide attempts I've made since last week. My best friend doesn't even know and I feel like I might try again soon..
    nnawsnahta nnawsnahta 18-21, M 2 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    People think that I'm happy

    and that I'm okay but I'm not. I'm sad so much it's scary. I can't be happy no matter how hard I try. nobody understands and it's so hard.
    elizabethcalvin elizabethcalvin 13-15, F 2 Responses Nov 30, 2014

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    I have my ups and my downs like everybody else.

    I don't have very many ups, I mostly stay in the midrange, but I absolutely loathe when I'm down. I always have a distraction with me or around me, whether it be my phone, a notebook, my friends, or a video game. I need my distractions because as soon as I lose them I start...
    udamansteel udamansteel 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 4, 2014

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    It's easy to hide the feelings.

    It's the scars that are hard to hide.
    tarara0414 tarara0414 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Nobody knows where I truly am.

    I am loving, and fun, and positive but depressed. I am hiding it from everyone because nobody knows that is me. It's really hard trying to pretend like something isn't going on.
    wise025 wise025 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 15, 2014

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    Decided to place this in here.

    It's complicated. This post has been inspired by someone I consider to be very close to me and is really pulling on my heart strings, and she's not even trying. She's actually battling depression caused by a series of unfortunate events, and confronting her depression like a...
    RequitedWhispers RequitedWhispers 31-35, M 2 Responses Oct 27, 2014

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    Slept all day yesterday.

    . ..I could sleep all day today... Eternal sleep. I don't want to Cary on
    thebeautifulprincess thebeautifulprincess 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    My friends don't know what I go through

    everyday. They think im a nice person to be around .Well im to them . It hurts to know that there just as fake as bardie dolls
    wolffire14 wolffire14 13-15, F 5 Responses Nov 14, 2014

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    I hide my depression very well I'll pretend to

    laugh and have a good time when really I just want to die I just hate everything
    rainyday10 rainyday10 22-25, M 1 Response Jan 14

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    Nobody knows that I'm always depressed.

    . I smile. I laugh. But I don't mean it at all... /. it hurts...
    Escapinginsanity Escapinginsanity 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 19, 2014

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    Everything has gotten worse.

    My life has completely changed. For the past three months I have not slept well at all. It takes me hours to get to sleep and even when I try I hear voices in my head screaming my name. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I have now got increasing anxiety as I have about five...
    thatmegan thatmegan 16-17, F 3 Responses Dec 15, 2014

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    A Friends Help

    I have a friends that i talk to on a regular basis. He has helped alot since we meet. I am jusst rembering some of his words and thought that i would share them with you. He told me once " All woulds will not heal by themselves, it takes time and energy to mend them. You have...
    polorbears polorbears 31-35, M 3 Responses Dec 28, 2011

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    paradox123 paradox123 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 30, 2014

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    Because I keep all my problems

    and pain to myself. I need to talk to someone but I'm too afraid they will judge me. Or I am afraid I will complain too much. I am in one of the most exciting points of my life. I am in love with an amazing man. I am starting a new career in 12 days I get paid to travel, get an...
    Malone670 Malone670 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 19, 2014

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    Nothing makes me especially happy anymore.

    I feel alone when I am not. My silence and introversion brings out the anxiety in people. I need help. I feel so small even when I'm not.
    Dreamerrrrrrr Dreamerrrrrrr 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 14

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    Smile?

    None of my friends know that I am depressed. I just fake a smile, they all say that I am the happiest person they know. When in reality I'm probably the most messed up and despressed person they know.
    loveislouderforever loveislouderforever 16-17 1 Response May 27, 2012

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    I don't know why do I hide it

    whenever I am really depressed and even feel like crying. But I do. I really don't wanna let others know I am depressed. Just like, today, my friend asked my why I was so quiet, I answered "I'm sleepy." Actually, I felt like sh!t, so freaking depressed, so I dun wanna talk much...
    Acrylic19 Acrylic19 16-17, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I Have To Hide It

    i have been dealing with depression since 10th grade. It comes and goes but this past year my depression has been very strong,but even still im able to hide it from everyone.people do know that i have some emotional issues but they dont know how bad they really are. I have talked...
    Thefightingangel Thefightingangel 18-21, M 4 Responses Oct 25, 2012

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    I don't want to stress anyone out.

    I can deal with it myself. I know I can because I have no other choice but sometimes I feel like I can't keep it up anymore.
    Klahleesi Klahleesi 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 2, 2014

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    This is just sad... I have been depressed

    for some time, idk maybe Four years, i have been through so much pain and now i am at a really scary part, i feel empty, have this abstinence of feelings, a hole in my chest. And the sad part is that i have never told anyone... Not a thing My mom Talked about her work at dinner...
    lynnewolf99 lynnewolf99 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 13

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    There was this man who looked homeless

    and he tried to buy a hotdog and a water but didn't have enough money. So I bought him 3 hotdogs and 3 waters. He was so happy and it made me happy.
    nnawsnahta nnawsnahta 18-21, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2014

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    I've been depressed for about 8-9 years

    and I've just kept it my secret. No one really knows, not my friends, family, I haven't even seen a doctor or anyone I just keep it to myself like I always do. I don't want people to think that I'm seeking attention or something or judge me like most people do. I get most...
    nathanieljlaw nathanieljlaw 18-21, M 3 Responses Jul 11, 2014

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    I don’t think people love me.

    They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love. Who’s going to love the girl that can’t stop crying? The girl that hurts herself? The girl that is losing control? The...
    SecretsOut14 SecretsOut14 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 29, 2014

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    Depressed why would I be?

    Ha I'd laugh at anyone who would say I look depressed, because I clearly am not depressed. :p
    cutieblue cutieblue 16-17, T 1 Response Jan 3, 2014

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    It feels like I'm walking upstream through a

    current strong enough to pull me under four times over. There are others with me but they are walking along the banks telling me to "just get out of the water". But instead of extending a hand in help they just move on and leave me behind. Every once in a while I find a rock...
    nnawsnahta nnawsnahta 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 4, 2014

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    The first person I reached out to about my

    depression shoved a bunch of anti-depressants into my hand. After that, I can't trust anyone to treat me the same. I can't expect them to understand that I'm not broken.
    Donchueven Donchueven 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 1, 2014

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    I don't want them to think i just want attention

    or that i just complain too much. Plus, nobody would even care, so what's the point in telling them?
    ItsPriscila ItsPriscila 13-15, F Jan 19, 2014

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    the most loneliest nights have started at 16 .

    staying up all night , sad b/c .. well there isnt a reason . im just sad for no reason . i love sleep more than i love life thats a problem , i know . phone filled with contacts that i cant reach . only using the phone just to write how im feeling . and lately I've been...
    yungstel yungstel 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 5, 2014

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    Everyone who knows me thinks I am always happy

    and full of joy and spirit and I am most of the time but behind that it's a completely different person. I'm upset and want to just cry my life away. I want to attempt but I know I never will but I can't imagine my future either. I don't want to.
    Thecupcakebaker Thecupcakebaker 13-15, M 2 Responses Jan 8

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    Emotional pain is like physical pain

    but emotional almost never heals
    frankie2114 frankie2114 22-25, M 1 Response Oct 22, 2014

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    I Can't Explain It Well Enough

    At first I thought I may suffer from situational depression, but honestly, I don't believe it is life that depresses me. If anything, life should cheer me up. I honestly have a good life. I can't talk to my friends or family about the way I secretly feel...
    Donnasaurus Donnasaurus 18-21, M 2 Responses Nov 7, 2009

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    It's amazing what long sleeves

    and a fake smile can hide...
    EyelessGlitch EyelessGlitch 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 7

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    Pretending

    A lot of people see me as a hyper happy person, but I'm hiding it inside. I cry myself to sleep almost every night because I think my life sucks.sometimes I think to myself when we go to sleep we're in our own little world and blocked out from the real one as if we never existed...
    joralex0513 joralex0513 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 27, 2013

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    Depression is hitting me hard tonight.

    ****, I feel like crying.
    nathanieljlaw nathanieljlaw 18-21, M 2 Responses Dec 28, 2014

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    I try to reach out but it feels impossible!

    I remember when I young and dumb (19) I fell in love with this girl and it didn't go my way and I was down... But I was living one of life long dreams. I was in the best shape of my life but on the emotional rebound. Never had a girlfriend before and (long story short) I was...
    SecretBoyBrian SecretBoyBrian 26-30 1 Response Nov 10, 2014

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    My family likes to spend time together

    but sometimes I'm so depressed I don't wanna be around then. Those days they worry so I have to pretend I'm fine & I'm so happy to be there when in reality I want to curl into a ball & be abducted by shadows. It's getting harder to do & I don't know what I'll do if I can't fix...
    LizTaylor LizTaylor 18-21, F Oct 20, 2014

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    Who Me?

    noo you've got the wrong person, check the person next to me, must be him. I'm not even convinced that I have "Depression" hey, the doc looked kinda funny the last few times I saw him maybe I was misdiagnosed...yeah that's it. I was misdiagnosed...
    SugarandSpice SugarandSpice 21-25, F 1 Response Aug 17, 2007

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    I lie and say I'm okay,

    or just thoughtful. She looks right through me and thinks I'm lying about something else- probably things I'm screwing around on her. Sometimes I fly into hysterionics because I can't keep my hurt bottled up any more.
    MollyToni MollyToni 41-45 Jan 28

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    Its a dark hole that I sometimes fall into,

    nobody knows the turmoil going on in my head. I can manage it mostly, but sometimes my mask slips, and the cracks show. Most people would never guess as they think I am a strong, put together person. I keep busy, so I don`t have to think. I listen to music, so I don`t hear the...
    tamarisk1 tamarisk1 41-45, F 9 Responses May 30, 2014

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    I've been not myself

    for weeks, and nobody noticed.
    queeenbey queeenbey 16-17, F 4 Responses Jan 11

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    Everybody thinks that I'm happy all the time

    but I'm not. Sometimes I'm sad or angry or tired. Nobody knows about these feelings and I feel like I'm gonna explode.
    BloodRedDarkness BloodRedDarkness 16-17, F 2 Responses Jun 18, 2014

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    *** note: I do not want pity

    or attention. I simply just want to get this out of my system. Feel free to judge me, I don't care. There's nothing you can say that I haven't told myself before.*** I'm depressed. It started small, actually it started with a boy but that's not the matter. I was ashamed for how...
    justmebta justmebta 13-15, F Oct 17, 2014

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    Nobody Knows The Real Me

    If you were to ask anyone who knows me, they would tell you that I am one of the happiest, most cheerful person ever. I am the exact opposite. I am always wanting to do nothing more than sleep all day everyday. The only thing besides sleep that makes me truly happy is music. I...
    stoggs032 stoggs032 13-15, F 3 Responses Jun 23, 2012

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    And This Too Shall Pass......

    I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and for quite a while I suffered from what I called "episodes", where I would feel extreme lows...finding it very hard to function some days....it affected all areas of my life, seeing as my occupation is in the pharmaceutical field...I...
    blackgirl71 blackgirl71 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 20, 2013

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    latley it has been harder

    and harder to keep it locked up. I dont know what to do anymore. I havent been this depressed in a long time.
    ngardner621 ngardner621 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 20, 2014

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    Bloody Depression, Man...

    By this point, I got the hang of it. It's like an annoying guest you can't do anything about than tolerate. Eventually, you tell him to take a hike, you got things you need to do. I'm getting better at recognizing the signs, identifying an unreasonably negative mood, and...
    guiltybyassociation guiltybyassociation 31-35, M 1 Response May 22, 2013

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    what's the point of me being here anymore.

    I can't do anything right. I really just want to kms??????
    nnawsnahta nnawsnahta 18-21, M Dec 6, 2014

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    Strong Willed

    I hide my depression from everyone and that's why I'm on here. I hat talking about it so I'm not going into detail. My dad used to beat me, my mom, and my siblings. When I was 12 he beat me with a 4x4 and broke both my arms (which I still have problems with them till this day...
    cocaineNgirls cocaineNgirls 18-21, M Aug 18, 2012

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    My Dad Died and Everyone Thinks I Don't Care.

    Earlier this year one week before my 19th birthday I got a phone call from my mother saying that there had been an "accident" she then drew out the process of telling my dad died.  My roommate and friend for 6 years was there but as soon as I found out I ran into...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Dec 3, 2008

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    Related Experiences

    I have never been so depressed....i am currently isolating myself from everyone and pushing everyone away....i feel so broken and run down i dunno what to do anymore....
    redphoenix02 redphoenix02 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 8