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I Hide My Depression From Everyone Who Knows Me

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 3,202 People

    ^^Random logo for my chemical romance Kay not

    from everyone. I tell people online so does that count?.... Probably not. But anyway. I was free of it for a while but I have currently relapsed. Urrr I'm hiding it now because that's what I did the first time, until I told somebody, and I felt so bad about talking about it.
    PanicAtTheDiscount PanicAtTheDiscount 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    Why Am I Here

    I shouldn't be typing this i have a home and a family yet i find my depression getting worse... It started age 5 my mother had a brain hemorrhage thankfully she didn't die but she was always at the hospital and she now can't walk at all, anyway being 5 all i new was mum wasn't...
    poisonsorrow poisonsorrow 16-17, F 2 Responses Feb 13, 2013

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    Why Now

    I shouldn't be writing this I am a happyly married mother of 2 young boys who mean the world to me. I live an idealic life on a farm in a small rural community I haven't harmed myself in 5 years and have no idea why I Ave started again. Last week I ended up with the local fire...
    walker12 walker12 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 3, 2013

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    Because it seems to upset other people like I

    am trying to bring them down with me.
    Blue1513 Blue1513 31-35, F Jan 17

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    "i Too Hide My Depression"

    Its a shame that others cant see how sad you are because we hide it so good.They actually think you are so happy in life but I am not.Its so hard to explain whats going on with me.I hide my depression by staying home and taken care of son who keeps me moven alot but when he...
    lostnscared lostnscared 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 4, 2010

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    Pretending

    A lot of people see me as a hyper happy person, but I'm hiding it inside. I cry myself to sleep almost every night because I think my life sucks.sometimes I think to myself when we go to sleep we're in our own little world and blocked out from the real one as if we never existed...
    joralex0513 joralex0513 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 27, 2013

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    I Can't Explain It Well Enough

    At first I thought I may suffer from situational depression, but honestly, I don't believe it is life that depresses me. If anything, life should cheer me up. I honestly have a good life. I can't talk to my friends or family about the way I secretly feel...
    Donnasaurus Donnasaurus 18-21, M 2 Responses Nov 7, 2009

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    Smile?

    None of my friends know that I am depressed. I just fake a smile, they all say that I am the happiest person they know. When in reality I'm probably the most messed up and despressed person they know.
    loveislouderforever loveislouderforever 16-17 1 Response May 27, 2012

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    I'm So Down.

    I'm lost. Please help me God. I don't know what to do with my life. Tired of everything in life. No one understand me. No friends and I'm all by myself. I'm depressed being Gay. My family don't understand me. 
    LoveisKillingMe LoveisKillingMe 22-25, M 1 Response Nov 18, 2013

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    Depressed why would I be?

    Ha I'd laugh at anyone who would say I look depressed, because I clearly am not depressed. :p
    cutieblue cutieblue 16-17, T 1 Response Jan 3

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    My ex boyfriend dumped

    for my problems.. And I've told no one else in fear of rejection
    inflictingpain inflictingpain 16-17, F 5 Responses Jan 4

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    Lonely But Never Alone.

    I die a little inside every time I wake up. I wake up and I just cry. And cry. And cry some more. I've missed so many days this trimester. My grades are super important to me, but right now, they suck. I feel like I've failed myself. I look at my life, and just think I'm so...
    Feb 4, 2013

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    I put on a smile and act

    as if all is well. Yet deep inside I am constantly plagued with this feeling of sadness. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not pretty enough. I wonder what's wrong with me that every man I've involved myself with has left me for another person. 2 marriages 2...
    MagickalFae MagickalFae 36-40, F Jan 31

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    For the past two years I've been struggling

    with this depression and anxiety, I struggling every day to control my emotions and the temptation to end it all. I've attempted suicide back in august, I felt so alone and that I had no one and just basically had a break down, I felt no one would care if I was gone, probably be...
    georgiecrouch georgiecrouch 16-17, F Apr 7

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    I Need To Smile Again

    So I need to remember how to put that happy face again because now people around me are making me feel worse because I`m not happy. I need to fake again. I used to do it so well, no one had a clue what I was going through and no one made me feel guilty for being the way I am...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Oct 20, 2012

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    Strong Willed

    I hide my depression from everyone and that's why I'm on here. I hat talking about it so I'm not going into detail. My dad used to beat me, my mom, and my siblings. When I was 12 he beat me with a 4x4 and broke both my arms (which I still have problems with them till this day...
    cocaineNgirls cocaineNgirls 18-21, M Aug 18, 2012

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    The Mask Is Slowly Cracking

    I hide behind my masks each and every day, even in front of people close to me. First off, it started as a happy mask. I could pretend that what I was doing was truly bringing me joy and happiness and that I was satisfied. However, that's changed. I'm more disconnected from...
    cldd5678 cldd5678 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 30, 2012

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    I don't want them to think i just want attention

    or that i just complain too much. Plus, nobody would even care, so what's the point in telling them?
    ItsPriscila ItsPriscila 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 19

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    I like to dream about my fantasy world .

    I hide my feelings with a lot of people that are close to me and it's just the way i am. I also am going through a break up. Ugh i hate this and i don't like love . There is always pain that tags along.
    babyxval babyxval 16-17, F Apr 5

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    My parents don't know about my depression

    and I need a way to tell them, any suggestions?
    tesdahl tesdahl 18-21, F Apr 7

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    My Dad Died and Everyone Thinks I Don't Care.

    Earlier this year one week before my 19th birthday I got a phone call from my mother saying that there had been an "accident" she then drew out the process of telling my dad died.  My roommate and friend for 6 years was there but as soon as I found out I ran into...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Dec 3, 2008

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    Trust Issues

    i smile everyday and cry everynight smiles hide my sorrow and mascara masks my pain. i hate people who look at me and say oh shes pretty so her life must be a breeze but what they dont see is the pain behind my smiles and the eyes of a tortured soul. i choose to hid behind my...
    smilesandmascara smilesandmascara 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 18, 2011

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    My heart bleeds from the pain.

    .... Hurt consumes my souls.... To dream and dream..... To open ones inter soul and share ... To exposure your vulnerability .... To express your deepest thoughts , secrets & fears.. To hope and trust & believe with all your heart...... Only to have the weight of the universe...
    Slaveboy47 Slaveboy47 46-50, M Jan 2

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    What's Wrong With Me?

    I have been on anger rampages, sleepless nights with hours and hours of crying. I wake up with swollen eyes and never-ending questions about them. I either eat very little or too much. I've been skipping because I've been so tired and filled with headaches and sometimes I get...
    ThanhN ThanhN 16-17, F 3 Responses Nov 24, 2013

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    I've hidden it from people a long time

    and now my family knows, but few of my friends know. I guess I'm so used to hiding it because now I try to get help, I seem fine or I really don't want to be there. Honestly, it's just sometimes I don't know anymore. I don't know if I want help or if I want to do anything. It...
    whylife93 whylife93 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 11

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    I Don't Feel Ready.

    I am 16 and in college, almost finished with my first year. If you would ask how was it, well... it was torture. This college course I am studying isn't what I love; however, I am planning to shift to my dream course next semester. However, people discouraged me. They even...
    marie181818 marie181818 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 3, 2013

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    How I Became Depressed...

    I have had a very stable upbringing. Not rich by any means, I share a room with my brother and i'm one of three children but we get by. It's March 2012, coming towards the end of my first year of sixth form, AS exams looming (which are incredibly difficult!) but i'm ticking over...
    JoeTheBlogger JoeTheBlogger 18-21, M Nov 24, 2012

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    A Friends Help

    I have a friends that i talk to on a regular basis. He has helped alot since we meet. I am jusst rembering some of his words and thought that i would share them with you. He told me once " All woulds will not heal by themselves, it takes time and energy to mend them. You have...
    polorbears polorbears 31-35, M 3 Responses Dec 28, 2011

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    me: *walks to the fridge* mom i have allergies

    *opens it* mom: oh *continues eating* me: *closes it* i said i have allergies mom: well what do u want me to do about it? im not a doctor. me: *in my head* well ***** u just made me feel worse. if i get srsly sick without being provided with medicine, its all on u.😠 honestly...
    LoveNight LoveNight 13-15, F Mar 5

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    the most loneliest nights have started at 16 .

    staying up all night , sad b/c .. well there isnt a reason . im just sad for no reason . i love sleep more than i love life thats a problem , i know . phone filled with contacts that i cant reach . only using the phone just to write how im feeling . and lately I've been...
    yungstel yungstel 16-17, F 2 Responses Feb 5

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    I have suffered from depression

    for about 9 years, and I still have told no one in my family about it. It was more severe in high school and hit it's peak during my freshman year of college. That's when I told myself that I needed some help and decided to speak to someone that worked for the University. It...
    jonbz17 jonbz17 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 20

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    Bloody Depression, Man...

    By this point, I got the hang of it. It's like an annoying guest you can't do anything about than tolerate. Eventually, you tell him to take a hike, you got things you need to do. I'm getting better at recognizing the signs, identifying an unreasonably negative mood, and...
    guiltybyassociation guiltybyassociation 31-35, M 1 Response May 22, 2013

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    Ever since this girl first walked into our

    school for the first time, I couldn't take my eyes off her, and I know I probably wasn't the only one gazing at her beauty. Through my mind I was thinking "you know what, I'm gonna try to talk to her, I need to man up, I need to know how to talk to a girl and here's my first...
    elugo123456789 elugo123456789 18-21, M Apr 7

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    Fake Smiles And Laughter

    My boss asks "hi Robert, how was your weekend"I respond "It was fine, got a lot done" Why am I lying, my weekend was ****** just as my life is in general, I always say I'm fine with the most convincing smile but look in my eyes and you can tell that mentally I'm gone. It's funny...
    musicmanrob musicmanrob 16-17, M 2 Responses Nov 22, 2013

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    I Dont Like It

    i hate how people judge me on my depression, they dont know my story of life so i try to hide it. Well i normally hide it at first, i tell them eventually because im easy to read and people know something is wrong. i hate when people feel bad for me because i have depression...
    hailey6547 hailey6547 18-21, F 5 Responses Aug 14, 2010

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    I hide my depression cause I'm afraid to live

    my life without being judged
    Maddya Maddya 18-21, F Apr 4

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    It's easier to be honest with people you know

    really, really well and people you don't know at all because with the people you know, you don't want them to judge you, and you don't want them to see you differently. That's what I think anyway.
    rapfordays rapfordays 18-21, F Jan 15

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    Nothing Helps. Not Even Medication.

    He'd been a drug addict his entire adult life. He did something bad, something unforgivable. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. Not mine. He left for the Marines when I was an infant, he lived in Japan until I was 3. He and my mom split when he came back. He drank everyday. Not...
    NChav NChav 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 5, 2012

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    Nobody Knows The Real Me

    If you were to ask anyone who knows me, they would tell you that I am one of the happiest, most cheerful person ever. I am the exact opposite. I am always wanting to do nothing more than sleep all day everyday. The only thing besides sleep that makes me truly happy is music. I...
    stoggs032 stoggs032 13-15, F 3 Responses Jun 23, 2012

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    I wrote a story for English class about five

    college kids who are the best of friends. Secretly I was basing this story off of my own current friendship with four people and I wrote each of there characters in essentially the same as they are in real life. The story stretched into 17 pages and ended with the main character...
    Michealdex Michealdex 16-17, M 1 Response Mar 9

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    The Secret Monster Inside Me.

    The only people I have ever told about my depression have been online. I honestly think the samaritains must have saved my life at least 3 times in the past year. Their emailing has been invaluable to me. The thought of telling my friends about my depression makes me feel sick...
    nothinganymore nothinganymore 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 24, 2012

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    I have been depressed

    since I started high school a year and a half ago. I don't tell anyone because I don't want them to think i want attention or just following the crowd. I started cutting myself but stopped when it wasn't doing anything for me. I tried to tell my best friend but it was too hard...
    averne averne 16-17, F Jan 7

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    Happy new year everyone.

    So far I've started this year with a hangover and sudden realization only to bring me here to the black hole of depression,feeling sadder than ever in a room surrounded by family. I want to go home,back to my cave.If I'm gonna be sad I'd like to do it as comfortable as...
    KindaCrazy KindaCrazy 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 1

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    My name is Lauren. I have battled my depression

    since I was around 12 years old when my parents took me to my first doctor. I hide from it daily to let people think. I am a happy girl. May 22nd, I tried to end my life but I suppose God just wasn't happy with welcoming me home yet. Since then, I have been down completely. My...
    Prettyface91 Prettyface91 22-25, F Jan 13

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    I Thought I Was Getting Better.

     My dad died over a year ago and I thought I was getting over it.  I never really talked about it with anyone, not my family or friends because I thought they didn't want to be put in an akward situation.  But now I realize that they were all there for me when I...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Dec 2, 2009

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    Who Me?

    noo you've got the wrong person, check the person next to me, must be him. I'm not even convinced that I have "Depression" hey, the doc looked kinda funny the last few times I saw him maybe I was misdiagnosed...yeah that's it. I was misdiagnosed...
    SugarandSpice SugarandSpice 21-25, F 1 Response Aug 17, 2007

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    Normality

    I've had dysthymia for the last 3 or 4 years. It's a disorder where you're virtually never happy and almost always mildly depressed. Everyone I meet or talk to has no idea. It's gotten to the point where I find myself feeling wierd if I'm happy. It's just a feeling I'm not used...
    TheGuerrilla TheGuerrilla 18-21, M Apr 4, 2010

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    My depression gets worst

    and worst everyday. I hide it with a fake smile that I've been having for years. People make me feel worst by having real smiles and having actual friends while I'm in the corner alone while it feels like it's eating my insides. Sometimes I just want to shout out on rooftops...
    baconOtaku baconOtaku 18-21, F 3 days ago

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    I've been down for at least 2 years

    since coming into High School. And I understand why, but at the same time criticise myself for it. I'm born into a well to-do family with 2 loving parents and a nice brother. My parents have provided me with a good school, warm home and anything else a person could ask for in...
    CHiVE44 CHiVE44 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 12

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    I walk around with a smile on my face

    and treat everyone with respect and kindness. Once I'm alone it turns straight to depression and I think about suicide and ending my life to make everyone else's life easier. I don't know why I feel this I wish it would stop I hate crying some nights before I go to bed. I won't...
    musicnote13 musicnote13 18-21, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    An easier choice

    It’s weird how sometimes, it’s easier to talk to strangers than to the people closest to you about the stuff that depress you. I think it’s because more often than not (and more than necessary), the people closest to us will say the most consoling things, when all that we...
    papervoices papervoices 22-25, F 4 Responses May 26, 2010

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    So I recently got told I had borderline

    depression, I was holding back... I didn't tell the Doctor about the cuts, the drinking and the smoking, I lied to her face. I'm too afraid to tell the people around me incase they judge me, it feels like thats all everyone does these days. I go see a counsellor in my lunch...
    anoldfriendinsanity anoldfriendinsanity 18-21, M 1 Response Feb 5

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