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I Intentionally Make Myself Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 46 People

    I Guess I Should Clarify Something

    I created the group and chose the word "depressed" because I decided to use the word to mean what people commonly mean by it:  down, gloomy, sad, feeling isolated.  Folks on EP would latch onto that word, say, "Yep, that's me," and we could talk...
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

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    In a Way

     I have been depressed for so long that I am so used to feeling down all the time. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy or normal. It would be a miracle if I get better. There have been many opportunities in my life to change and live a normal life but I am so pessimistic...
    reset reset 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 7, 2009

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    Thriving On Sadness

    I've been depressed for so long. When I was 10-12 years old my mom was as at rock bottom and my piece of shite dad wasn't around. We were feeling pretty low, and everytime my dad made my mom cry I wanted to kill him. I decided no one else was capable of handling our problems so...
    Jan 23, 2013

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    Sometimes, when I can't sleep,

    I think of really sad scenarios that hurt me so much emotionally that I cry, because I want to prepare myself for the worse and so I will be able to be calm when I want to cry in public. But sometimes, I just think of me dying not because I want to prepare myself, because it...
    solisluna solisluna 16-17, F Aug 3, 2014

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    Fiance's Ex.

    So my fiance and I have been together for a while now and we have a child who's almost one, recently his ex girlfriend has been saying very negative things to me about our child and us being together...   do you think it's out of jealousy?
    TaliaYumYum TaliaYumYum 18-21 1 Response Jul 13, 2009

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    Beating Myself Up

    So I've been very depressed for three or four years now. It started in late eighth grade, and now I'm a rising senior. It's been tough. For a while, I literally didn't go a day without fantasizing about killing myself, and I think that left a lasting effect on me. Even today...
    Freezesmyblood Freezesmyblood 18-21, M 2 Responses Aug 21, 2013

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    Sometimes...

    I sometimes feel like a lot of depressed people do where they feel "better" the more sad or down they are. They just get used to feeling that way and keeping their expectations low so they aren't disappointed in life. I've been guilty of this many times in my life and...
    EnigmaVest EnigmaVest 22-25, M Jul 31, 2009

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    Always

    Sometimes I think of things so much that I just make myself feel really depressed. It's like I want to be like this.. but I don't... I just can't get out of it though. It just goes round and round.. I feel really depressed.. then I feel okay..  and then I think to much...
    BrokenAngelWishes BrokenAngelWishes 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 31, 2010

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    Storm's Brewin'

    And this time there's nothing intentional about it.  Frankly, I'm worried.
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2009

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    "depressed Child"

    On purpose, that is the word that rings through my head as i sit here typing this. Why would someone so sane intentionally make themselves feel unhappy, suicidal, or depressed. I have a happy streak for three or four days, but after that, i sit down and make myself depressed. I...
    dallascowboyz29fan dallascowboyz29fan 16-17 2 Responses Sep 10, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    Whoever commented on my last post that my anti-depressant pills do not make people happy was right. I don't feel like myself right now, is like I am watching myself from far far...
    Zolfy Zolfy 22-25, F 19 mins ago

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    I relapsed today. I managed to stop doing it for a good few months, but now I've broken any progress and I just feel stupid that I've been so weak. Which accordingly makes me want...
    sleeperstream sleeperstream 26-30, M 38 mins ago

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    I came back to EP with the thought of not relapsing again into the things I thought I left behind me. Somehow I would rather not share this story but I also feel like I need to be...
    Kimmy159 Kimmy159 22-25, F 53 mins ago

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    just finished. vibrators makes your hand super smooth if you use it long enough. although I fear one day I won't like anything but the vibrator
    luv2pee23 luv2pee23 18-21, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    I can't seem to feel happy, I am never satisfied. I'm lonely, I don't have friends to look out for, or have to call. I am just not okay anymore, I don't believe in doctors so going...
    idkanymore45 idkanymore45 22-25, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    Depression sometimes feels like this hole that you just can't climb out of. Deep and dark. If you have never experienced it then you have no right to judge a depressed person.
    ElephantSH0ES ElephantSH0ES 46-50, F 3 hrs ago

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    1. I try to make people think I'm a lot better at things than I actually am, because it makes me feel superior. For example, I may learn a little bit of a few languages and pretend...
    NorthernRoses NorthernRoses 16-17, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    My laptop is broken again. And it was just 2 months since the last time I brought it to that technician guy. People might say that this is just a small problem and ask why would I...
    supernerd22 supernerd22 18-21, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    I dunno sometimes am happy and laughing and sometimes i feel stuck and depressed maybe because i know am stuck with the same life same people for life with parents controlling...
    Collegegirl23 Collegegirl23 22-25, F 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    I even always changed my birthday on social media. I onced celebrate it and it's not a good feeling i hope to get from my friend or family. So i celebrate my birthday alone with...
    sunflaw sunflaw 22-25, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    Last night I had an emotional breakdown. Guys get depressed too. I'm ****** up right now and I am not even kidding.
    citysquare citysquare 22-25, M 16 hrs ago

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    I enjoy going out with a full bladder and wetting my knickers and tights beneath my skirt.I love the warm sensation of wee running all down into my tights,it makes me feel very...
    P1sceang1r1y6 P1sceang1r1y6 46-50, T 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    I'm depressed.I have a great job,a huge apartment but my family doesn't care about me.I'm facing all these stupid dramas right now.I don't have anyone to talk to.I'm struggling...
    foreveryoung321 foreveryoung321 22-25, F 5 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    First time I ever attempted to cut my self was with a pair of sissers all because I was so mad that my grandma wouldn't let me spend the night. It didn't hurt because I didn't...
    ButteryToast ButteryToast 18-21, F 3 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Actually, someone here pointed it out. Am I? I don't know. I'm not unhappy or happy. I'm nothing. I'm indifferent, like, to everything. I just don't care. My favorite place...
    nothingbetterthanlaughing nothingbetterthanlaughing 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    1. I've been told to die so many times2. I've been bullied3. betrayed by my previous friends4. waste of space5. it seems like everything i do is never good enough6. too afraid to...
    starphantom starphantom 16-17, F 1 day ago

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    what a big topic depression who isn't depressed? I don't beleive everyone in life feels wonderful, I love it when you get those people that say I never get depressed, never catch...
    Diciullo Diciullo 46-50, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Especially 2 year ago I'm all depressed and stuff but then I woke up with a good feeling and I tried going to church and the funny thing is it works haha I mean I'm not very...
    Ihan14 Ihan14 13-15, M 3 days ago

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    Heads up not saying I am depressed but lately I've been feeling so unmotivated, quiet, uninterested, giving up and feel like everything is my fault. I just have the urge to not...
    jennifer5006 jennifer5006 18-21, F 4 days ago

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    I don't like working out but it feels good after the soreness is gone. I was in pretty good shape a few years ago, but then life got busier and I got lazier. So I decided to do a...
    Strive2Survive Strive2Survive 31-35, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I feel like a broken record everyday. School, family, and life overall have made me feel overwhelmed. I can't act like myself because I'm too depressed and my school is...
    Imbolcumbra Imbolcumbra 16-17, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I've noticed a change in my mood in the past month or so and I think it's because of Spring and Summer approaching. I don't know why but I'm dreading the hotter months and the bugs...
    emjm013 emjm013 18-21, F a week ago

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    I don't know when it started. I don't know when it will end. I just know my now is consumed by it. This feeling that is so intensely felt, that makes me feel nothing at all. This...
    ashlenamya66359 ashlenamya66359 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 5

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    I randomly came across this website when I was looking for ways to assuage my unhappiness. I have been feeling depressed for the past year and I couldn't heal myself with...
    Silh0uettes Silh0uettes 16-17, M 1 Response Feb 5

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    Life hasn't been great the last while... Well, it's had some amazing parts, and I guess I enjoy those. But I go through most days just wishing I was dead instead... I push these...
    John1Freeman John1Freeman 18-21, M Feb 1

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    I dont know if i am really this depressed. I feel sometimes useless and powerless. I was born in a broken family and that makes me becomes insecure in so many ways, ashamed, no one...
    findingmerlyn findingmerlyn 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 31

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    I don't know who I am anymore. people say I'm awful then people say I'm great. what am I? I missed my old self constantly. when everything was easier and I was more connected with...
    Kayla0504 Kayla0504 13-15, F 4 Responses Jan 31

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    I deal with a lot of self-hatred and disgust. I'm disgusted with myself for feeling awful all the time. I'm disgusted with myself for feeling broken. My life is practically perfect...
    Hush92 Hush92 18-21, F 9 Responses Jan 31

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    My 18th birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm starting to dread it. Why do people make such a big deal out of it, other than the fact that it's the majority age? I've...
    Imbolcumbra Imbolcumbra 16-17, M Jan 30

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    "Be happy with yourself." Right..how can I be happy with myself if I am not really. I've been truggling to lose weight but I might as well give up. I've failed too many times and...
    PassionForCreativity PassionForCreativity 26-30, F Jan 30

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    I wish I hadn't had so much to drink at my friend's birthday party. I got very upset later because I had way too much, possibly the most I've ever had. I think it was because I'd...
    WingsofTime WingsofTime 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 29

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