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I Intentionally Make Myself Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 42 People

    Sometimes, when I can't sleep,

    I think of really sad scenarios that hurt me so much emotionally that I cry, because I want to prepare myself for the worse and so I will be able to be calm when I want to cry in public. But sometimes, I just think of me dying not because I want to prepare myself, because it...
    solisluna solisluna 16-17, F Aug 3, 2014

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    In a Way

     I have been depressed for so long that I am so used to feeling down all the time. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy or normal. It would be a miracle if I get better. There have been many opportunities in my life to change and live a normal life but I am so pessimistic...
    reset reset 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 7, 2009

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    Beating Myself Up

    So I've been very depressed for three or four years now. It started in late eighth grade, and now I'm a rising senior. It's been tough. For a while, I literally didn't go a day without fantasizing about killing myself, and I think that left a lasting effect on me. Even today...
    Freezesmyblood Freezesmyblood 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 21, 2013

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    I Guess I Should Clarify Something

    I created the group and chose the word "depressed" because I decided to use the word to mean what people commonly mean by it:  down, gloomy, sad, feeling isolated.  Folks on EP would latch onto that word, say, "Yep, that's me," and we could talk...
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

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    Fiance's Ex.

    So my fiance and I have been together for a while now and we have a child who's almost one, recently his ex girlfriend has been saying very negative things to me about our child and us being together...   do you think it's out of jealousy?
    TaliaYumYum TaliaYumYum 18-21 1 Response Jul 13, 2009

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    Always

    Sometimes I think of things so much that I just make myself feel really depressed. It's like I want to be like this.. but I don't... I just can't get out of it though. It just goes round and round.. I feel really depressed.. then I feel okay..  and then I think to much...
    BrokenAngelWishes BrokenAngelWishes 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 31, 2010

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    Sometimes...

    I sometimes feel like a lot of depressed people do where they feel "better" the more sad or down they are. They just get used to feeling that way and keeping their expectations low so they aren't disappointed in life. I've been guilty of this many times in my life and...
    EnigmaVest EnigmaVest 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31, 2009

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    Storm's Brewin'

    And this time there's nothing intentional about it.  Frankly, I'm worried.
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2009

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    "depressed Child"

    On purpose, that is the word that rings through my head as i sit here typing this. Why would someone so sane intentionally make themselves feel unhappy, suicidal, or depressed. I have a happy streak for three or four days, but after that, i sit down and make myself depressed. I...
    dallascowboyz29fan dallascowboyz29fan 16-17 2 Responses Sep 10, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    Was driving in to work today and got a call asking where the hell I was as the meeting was about to commence in 5 mins. To my utter shock, I realised that I hadn't checked my work...
    AthenaJones AthenaJones 36-40, F 4 Responses Jan 19

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    I starts working out and eating healthy everyday since last few month and I felt so much better!! However, after I moved house, I become lazy and keep eating all the junk food...
    zoeynguyen zoeynguyen 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 30, 2014

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    I think on things that happen in the past I found my self cracking up
    jovorrism jovorrism 16-17, M Jan 19

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    I want to break down and slash my wrist and watch the blood hit the ground. I think to myself, what urges this on? Why am I so depressed, so angry, confused, upset. I just wanna...
    fade77 fade77 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Well, I go to a community college, so for those of you that go to one how do you deal with the social situation. What I've realized at my college is that majority of the students...
    DarkGoddesss DarkGoddesss 18-21, F 7 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Sometimes I think I'm just going mad since I was born in a Christian Family. Because of a such horrible past which I can't entirely forget, I always liked doing devilish things. I...
    jonnyland9 jonnyland9 16-17, M Jan 13

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    if I make someone important upset or make myself upset I'll say negative things to myself and lock myself in my room and starve myself no matter how hungry I am
    LilahWolf LilahWolf 16-17, F Jan 5

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    I'm so fat and ugly and stupid. I'm a massive screw up, I can't do anything right. I can't stick to a diet because I'm such a fatass. I have no self control. I barely have any...
    SheSaid15 SheSaid15 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 7

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    I generally isolate myself in my place 2-3 times a week, so that i can be completely alone, and nothing negative will happen in my life. I am self employed, and my business is so...
    herbals4ever herbals4ever 46-50, M 1 Response Jan 13

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    school is really stressing me out. im feeling overwhelmed and im getting mad at myself and im having all these thoughts to just take my anger out on myself and just cut. i feel...
    perksofbeingdepressed perksofbeingdepressed 13-15, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    When no one else will listen to me, I can make myself laugh pretty good
    Lollipop948 Lollipop948 13-15, M 3 Responses Jan 7

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    I was 17 and I had been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for about 5 years. That morning I woke up next to my best friend and on the way home from dropping her off I...
    unrequitedlove99 unrequitedlove99 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 20

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    There is more things I can think of that are wrong with me than things that are right. I'm always looked past, I'm always too ugly, or too fat. I'm always too stupid, or too smart...
    Theycallherelly Theycallherelly 13-15, F 2 hrs ago

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    Everything started when I was in eighth grade, in gym class. There were three girls who thought that every guy in the class was supposed to crawl to them, only to get their hearts...
    gay4ever gay4ever 16-17, M Dec 31, 2014

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    It's been like that for so long now that I literally have no more emotion, no joke, I feel like an empty shell all the time, but the thing is its like a defense mechanism. If you...
    Aphrodite14 Aphrodite14 13-15, M 1 Response 20 hrs ago

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    When I feel depressed or down, I don't find the things I do enjoyable anymore, so I listen to video game music. It gives me strength to live on. My mind relaxes from negative...
    RainingMind RainingMind 13-15, F 13 hrs ago

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    I am a romantic. I grew up always KNOWING I would get married and have kids. Well, it seems like time is passing, and I'm not sure if it's cause my future wife needs time to age...
    milehighHeartbreak milehighHeartbreak 31-35, M 1 Response Jan 12

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    I'm fifteen. I'm a sophomore and I've been continually depressed since last summer when the first girl I legitimately fell for got really mad at me and then moved away. I just sent...
    GuiltyLover GuiltyLover 13-15, M 1 Response Jan 17

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    I haven't been on here in a really long time. But I'm getting really desperate. I've been in so much physical pain I can't even watch tv anymore. I just wandered around my house...
    Invisibleninja12 Invisibleninja12 18-21, F Jan 14

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    Why do you hurt me?I loved you.Why do you make me cry?I loved you.You used to make me laugh.I loved you.I must leave now, it’s the only way.But please know there was a time...
    Cherbelle Cherbelle 41-45, F 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    So, I'm a 16 y/o who's depressed, big deal... That's what I want to be believe. Anyway, I've been depressed for over 2 years, it affected me so much that it got to the point that...
    freedeer freedeer 16-17, M 2 Responses Jan 19

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    Life is hard right now. Life is always hard. My depression went away for a little while but now its come back. It never fully goes away. It’s always on and off. In a way it’s...
    EnjoyTheSilenceX EnjoyTheSilenceX 13-15, F Jan 13

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    Feeling depressed lately. Not really sure why. Wishing I felt motivated and happy. But instead I seem to be tired and in pain, and just unhappy. My husband seems to be happy, he's...
    st4rshine st4rshine 26-30, F 3 days ago

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    I really do think i'm depressed. My guardian won't take me to a doctor to see if something is wrong with me because she says i'll just use it as an excuse for the rest of my life...
    ImYourLady ImYourLady 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 1

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    I try to make friends, but low self esteem and social anxiety doesn't make it easy for me to go up and introduce myself and if that happens, I can't trust myself to text them. When...
    belleroses belleroses 18-21, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    When I feel depressed the thought of eating sickens me. If I am severely depressed I could starve myself for days on end up to a week, instead I drink up to 4 V cans a day (a drink...
    WokenandOpen WokenandOpen 31-35, M 1 Response Jan 9

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    I was in love for the first time, had my heart broken. I was depressed, isolated myself from the world. Suffered alone in silence, I lost myself. That was basically my entire...
    anonamanda001 anonamanda001 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 31, 2014

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    It's weird to admit that. Actually it's almost scary to admit being depressed. Until recently I couldn't even form the words 'I'm depressed', and honestly I still have trouble...
    TrappedInAWonderland TrappedInAWonderland 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 10

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    I hate being myself. I'm really stupid and I'm not pretty /: no one likes me in person because I'm a stupid depressed loser. My own family doesn't like me... They think I am too...
    disasterland disasterland 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 15

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    I don't have a good enough reason to be depressed, there's so many people here who have to deal with heart breaking events. But still even though Im complaining about mine problems...
    Crower Crower 22-25, M Jan 17

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    My life went on, every difficulty I faced, I tried to prove to be stronger. On the outside, I looked happy and my life seemed easy going to others. On the inside, I was struggling...
    mewmy mewmy 26-30, F Jan 19

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    I feel like every time I am successful or gaining positive/productive ground I somehow intentionally or unintentionally sabotage it. Examples of late. I gambled and took a trip to...
    Surilian Surilian 26-30, M 4 days ago

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    Yeah. When I'm depressed, I listen to sad romantic songs. Idk, they make feel even more depressed, but I feel like I'm not alone and that I have someone who I can relate to.
    kindahipsta kindahipsta 18-21, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    This year I went up to my grandparents for Xmas... I decided under no circumstances would I be a scrooge, have anyone upset me or just darn right make it a painful experience. In...
    lilygeorge12 lilygeorge12 22-25, F 1 Response Dec 30, 2014

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    I have been trying to "pick myself up by my bootstraps" as folks have a REAL affinity for saying. It is going pretty well, although I am still having my hardships. It seems like...
    milehighHeartbreak milehighHeartbreak 31-35, M 2 Responses Jan 5

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    Last night he came to the conclusion. He looked around the room tired with all his friends all huddled together drinking smoking, playing his ps3 and for a split second he realized...
    pinknotiq pinknotiq 26-30, F Jan 9

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    I feel ashamed for being depressed about my life. I'm 21 and both my parents are gone. I have no one to rely on, but myself and my wonderful boyfriend. A lot of my friends have had...
    tinywoman tinywoman 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 29, 2014