Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Intentionally Make Myself Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 40 People

    Sometimes...

    I sometimes feel like a lot of depressed people do where they feel "better" the more sad or down they are. They just get used to feeling that way and keeping their expectations low so they aren't disappointed in life. I've been guilty of this many times in my life and...
    EnigmaVest EnigmaVest 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Storm's Brewin'

    And this time there's nothing intentional about it.  Frankly, I'm worried.
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Guess I Should Clarify Something

    I created the group and chose the word "depressed" because I decided to use the word to mean what people commonly mean by it:  down, gloomy, sad, feeling isolated.  Folks on EP would latch onto that word, say, "Yep, that's me," and we could talk...
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Always

    Sometimes I think of things so much that I just make myself feel really depressed. It's like I want to be like this.. but I don't... I just can't get out of it though. It just goes round and round.. I feel really depressed.. then I feel okay..  and then I think to much...
    BrokenAngelWishes BrokenAngelWishes 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 31, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fiance's Ex.

    So my fiance and I have been together for a while now and we have a child who's almost one, recently his ex girlfriend has been saying very negative things to me about our child and us being together...   do you think it's out of jealousy?
    TaliaYumYum TaliaYumYum 18-21 1 Response Jul 13, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "depressed Child"

    On purpose, that is the word that rings through my head as i sit here typing this. Why would someone so sane intentionally make themselves feel unhappy, suicidal, or depressed. I have a happy streak for three or four days, but after that, i sit down and make myself depressed. I...
    dallascowboyz29fan dallascowboyz29fan 16-17 2 Responses Sep 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In a Way

     I have been depressed for so long that I am so used to feeling down all the time. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy or normal. It would be a miracle if I get better. There have been many opportunities in my life to change and live a normal life but I am so pessimistic...
    reset reset 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 7, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes, when I can't sleep,

    I think of really sad scenarios that hurt me so much emotionally that I cry, because I want to prepare myself for the worse and so I will be able to be calm when I want to cry in public. But sometimes, I just think of me dying not because I want to prepare myself, because it...
    solisluna solisluna 16-17, F Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Beating Myself Up

    So I've been very depressed for three or four years now. It started in late eighth grade, and now I'm a rising senior. It's been tough. For a while, I literally didn't go a day without fantasizing about killing myself, and I think that left a lasting effect on me. Even today...
    Freezesmyblood Freezesmyblood 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 21, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Thriving On Sadness

    I've been depressed for so long. When I was 10-12 years old my mom was as at rock bottom and my piece of shite dad wasn't around. We were feeling pretty low, and everytime my dad made my mom cry I wanted to kill him. I decided no one else was capable of handling our problems so...
    Jan 23, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    I've never been this kind of depressed before though. I know that I am depressed but I also know what I want to make myself feel better. I just need some kind of help. I go to...
    samyoung8 samyoung8 18-21, M 1 Response Sep 21

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I have days where I have ups and downs or just occurrences that make me depressed. It just really depends on the situation but most of the time I am usually happy or just have...
    MiZShortiiE MiZShortiiE 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I am a girl of violence. Who cuts her wrist, punch the wall, cry in her sleep, punch myself, make myself suffer, Stop my breath, drown my face in the water, choke myself, laugh...
    MutedWords MutedWords 16-17, F 3 Responses Sep 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I love things but I make myself believe I don't love them. I hate things and I try to love them. I know how am I yet I try to change! I know that I want to be intersting yet I try...
    Idonotcareanymore Idonotcareanymore 18-21 Sep 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I think I am kind of insane...:-/ I can have a stable life here ,just I am ******* push myself into an unfamiliar place and make myself be more competitive and challenge myself...
    Farmerwork Farmerwork 22-25, F Sep 22

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Just looking for someone to talk to and lean on once in a while. Someone who will call me out and tell me how they see it. My life is pretty messed up. I am trying to rekindle my...
    fishin4eyes fishin4eyes 31-35, M 4 Responses Sep 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Guess I've just discovered that I'm an introvert. I'm actually enjoying my new found label, because it explains so much! I googled "introvert" read a bunch of comments that...
    PhotoB PhotoB 31-35, M 3 Responses Sep 20

    Your Response

    Cancel
    So I have spent the majority of my life teetering on ledge of giving in to depression and pulling myself together and existing. Neither gains much for me, I take my pills that a...
    Alovelessgrey Alovelessgrey 26-30, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    October 1. Be Who You Are. In recovery; we're learning a new behavior. It's called Be Who You Are. For some of us, this can be frightening. What would happen if we felt what we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I can't even explain to you exactly why, per se. I just know that I feel like there is this giant weight on my chest that no matter how hard I try to get out from under it, I just...
    Lexie1516 Lexie1516 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Contagious Smile Tag: Start today with a smile, and then send your smile to someone else! If you can get them to smile, you win! Keep sending your smiles, and see how many people...
    smilebigalways smilebigalways 18-21, F 1 Response 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Leave me alone for now I'm deep in thought, treacherous territory I know It's what I must do to decompress from a day of scattered thought I never thought I'd get to a stage where...
    PoeticMute PoeticMute 31-35, M Sep 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Please forgive me if this post is extraordinarily long. I'm well aware that anyone out there shouldn't be asked to sit through this, but I would really appreciate it if someone did...
    jojo2450 jojo2450 18-21, M 3 Responses Sep 4

    Your Response

    Cancel
    There's something about him that I've always admired. Something that has always drawn me to him, even now. His strength. His passion. His curiosity, his thirst for knowledge. For...
    NeverForgeIt NeverForgeIt 16-17, F Sep 20

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I'm depressed and it's hard. It's gotten bad enough that I started cutting myself for tons of different reasons. Sometimes I feel so numb inside that I cut myself so I can feel...
    benjamintkw benjamintkw 13-15, M Sep 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I hate waking up with myself, opening my despised eyes to see my hideous self. Tasting the horrible taste of my own mouth makes me not want to breathe. Then comes the stupid...
    tylerkleewilliams tylerkleewilliams 18-21, M 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I am living in Northern England, rapidly approaching the age of 35, depressed that I've never been able to have a real social life. The problem is that I'm still living with my...
    CodemonkeyNE CodemonkeyNE 31-35, M 1 Response Sep 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Ok, I know I shouldn't feel depressed but I do. I have always had a great relationship with my dad and thought I did with my mom up until I lost my job of 12 years, 3 years ago. I...
    bluefireball4949 bluefireball4949 31-35, M 1 Response Sep 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    This is really hard to talk about. When i was a child, my parents divorced. Once they divorced, my father and his new girlfriend and future wife/former wife, started abusing me...
    persephone1407 persephone1407 26-30, F Sep 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    So I've been struggling with self-confidence issues for a very long time but it really flourished 5 years ago. I've never been comfortable with myself so I've never really formed...
    ChelseaJN ChelseaJN 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 15

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I cannot bear it all in.. It's just too much.. Is there something wrong with me that people always choose to leave me? Am i some kind of a toy?? Did i ever played someone? I never...
    MutedWords MutedWords 16-17, F 1 Response Sep 22

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The group "I want to kill myself" is not available to me on EP. That is bullshit. So I'm here. There's not much I can think of to say. I have been wanting to kill myself for a...
    Orange666 Orange666 16-17, F 2 Responses Sep 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    There's so much going on here that It'll take a while to type down, so bear with me. One, I'm very depressed because I screw up every little thing. I'm a sixteen year old male in...
    NeoBoy NeoBoy 16-17, M 1 Response 20 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I hate that I always fall into the trap of "don't worry, I'm not like them" or "I would never leave you." But everyone always stays for my good side, the fake me, the me that's...
    OsyriaRose OsyriaRose 16-17, F 6 Responses Sep 20

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Am i depressed? I don't know when someone is diagnosed as depressed but i think i am. I have felt like this for maybe 2 years; always feeling tired and sad. I like to be alone...
    leaskyy leaskyy 18-21, F 5 Responses Sep 20

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I have been doing so much writing as of late, I find that it helps me focus on the here and now. I write about my day, my goals, dreams, desires...I write about so much. I have...
    Indigolesbian70 Indigolesbian70 41-45, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Hi, I'm a 29 year woman who has been depressed since I was 12 for many reasons, the main is that I'm ugly. I live and 3rd world country that I hate, I had many family problems...
    MinekoChan MinekoChan 26-30, F 4 Responses Sep 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I dont know what else to do about this. I cant find myself i am so scared to be alone right now. I am so depressed with the way my life turned out so far. I'm lonely, even with a...
    Wishinon Wishinon 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I hate the fact that I'm the one that asks people if they're ok, if they're alright, if they need anything I'll be there, if they want a shoulder to cry on, I'm there, if you need...
    RickaylaBeard RickaylaBeard 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 11

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I don't know what to do . i am very depressed and not at all happy with myself .my dad constantly abuses me verbally he always makes me feel that I am good for nothing he uses a...
    Durga05 Durga05 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I always thought that I am an unemotional person who doesn't get too sad or depressed with whatever happens. But, recently all this changed with an incident where I hurt a person...
    AGuyTurnedOptimist AGuyTurnedOptimist 22-25, M 3 Responses Sep 16

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I'm a senior In High school, I have been going through a lot of stress lately . I just don't know what to do anymore.... My life right now is making me become depressed lately. I'm...
    livinglife27 livinglife27 16-17, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I treat myself like I'm a different person. I often have debates with myself, get mad at myself, and I even have different opinions. Conversations with myself could go like, "Haha...
    unicornbombz unicornbombz 16-17, F 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I've never felt more depressed than I do now. I have always felt like I am such a disappointment to everyone. I'm trying so hard to be loved. I don't think anyone notices... I...
    SimplyZero SimplyZero 13-15, F 2 Responses Sep 11

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I am always tired, having problems concentrating. I feel so hopeless, angry, and sad. I dread having to go to school or step out of the house now because I just can't tolerate...
    ajrestless ajrestless 22-25, F Sep 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    After a decade (maybe more) of depression I finally feel happy to be alive. I spent years convincing myself that I didn't matter; that I was not worthy of love and I wished that I...
    ihmls ihmls 22-25, F Sep 23

    Your Response

    Cancel
    September 25. Peace with the Past. "Even God cannot change the past." —Agathon Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Yes i am depressed i tried so hard not to be and to kee