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I Intentionally Make Myself Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 38 People

    Beating Myself Up

    So I've been very depressed for three or four years now. It started in late eighth grade, and now I'm a rising senior. It's been tough. For a while, I literally didn't go a day without fantasizing about killing myself, and I think that left a lasting effect on me. Even today...
    Freezesmyblood Freezesmyblood 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 21, 2013

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    "depressed Child"

    On purpose, that is the word that rings through my head as i sit here typing this. Why would someone so sane intentionally make themselves feel unhappy, suicidal, or depressed. I have a happy streak for three or four days, but after that, i sit down and make myself depressed. I...
    dallascowboyz29fan dallascowboyz29fan 16-17 2 Responses Sep 10, 2010

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    In a Way

     I have been depressed for so long that I am so used to feeling down all the time. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy or normal. It would be a miracle if I get better. There have been many opportunities in my life to change and live a normal life but I am so pessimistic...
    reset reset 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 7, 2009

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    Thriving On Sadness

    I've been depressed for so long. When I was 10-12 years old my mom was as at rock bottom and my piece of shite dad wasn't around. We were feeling pretty low, and everytime my dad made my mom cry I wanted to kill him. I decided no one else was capable of handling our problems so...
    Jan 23, 2013

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    Sometimes...

    I sometimes feel like a lot of depressed people do where they feel "better" the more sad or down they are. They just get used to feeling that way and keeping their expectations low so they aren't disappointed in life. I've been guilty of this many times in my life and...
    EnigmaVest EnigmaVest 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31, 2009

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    Always

    Sometimes I think of things so much that I just make myself feel really depressed. It's like I want to be like this.. but I don't... I just can't get out of it though. It just goes round and round.. I feel really depressed.. then I feel okay..  and then I think to much...
    BrokenAngelWishes BrokenAngelWishes 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 31, 2010

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    Fiance's Ex.

    So my fiance and I have been together for a while now and we have a child who's almost one, recently his ex girlfriend has been saying very negative things to me about our child and us being together...   do you think it's out of jealousy?
    TaliaYumYum TaliaYumYum 18-21 1 Response Jul 13, 2009

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    I Guess I Should Clarify Something

    I created the group and chose the word "depressed" because I decided to use the word to mean what people commonly mean by it:  down, gloomy, sad, feeling isolated.  Folks on EP would latch onto that word, say, "Yep, that's me," and we could talk...
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

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    Storm's Brewin'

    And this time there's nothing intentional about it.  Frankly, I'm worried.
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2009

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    Related Experiences

    Yes. Facebook makes me feel sad. I get too into always looking at the news feed. I have to delete it. Because I feel so much healthier when I don't have one. I miss missing out on...
    flowerloverxxv flowerloverxxv 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    I started making myself puke during stress and to keep weight off. I used to only do this occasionally, however, now I seem to do it a lot.. I feel scared because I can't seem to...
    walkingbarefoot11 walkingbarefoot11 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 11

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    what i have for myself is beyond hate. i hate everything about myself. i hate my own existence. i hate my parents for having me. i hate god for creating such a weak helpless being...
    SlaveToMyBullshit SlaveToMyBullshit 18-21 18 hrs ago

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    honestly what is there to say but I'm depressed i wake up depressed go to sleep depressed i cry myself to sleep i can give other people advice but i can't take my own advice! i...
    breebreet breebreet 13-15, F Jul 4

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    I purposely watch sad movies and read sad books and lusten to sad songs just to make myself sadder,i feel most comfortable in my depressed state and i hate starting to be happy
    criesatnightandnoonehears criesatnightandnoonehears 13-15, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    July 27. Letting Go. Stop trying so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, and life. Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

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    Love makes me depressed everything about love because you can love someone so much and they may not feel the same I hate love love sucks you don't know if your in love or your in...
    lilasofargone lilasofargone 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    This both a good and bad thing for me. The good: whenever I'm alone or with someone I don't like for example my fake *** friend I tend to talk to my self. When I need to make a...
    FighterWolf FighterWolf 13-15, F Jul 9

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    I'm very stressed right now. I would carve words in my skin, but never make myself bleed. I still haven't found someone who understands. I've found someone to make me laugh and...
    BeautyInBlack BeautyInBlack 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 3

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    This benefits me and everyone in my world. By cherishing and nurturing myself I make myself more confident and attractive. And know what? I really like myself more. I am not...
    wiseprotector wiseprotector 41-45, M Jul 4

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    At times I tell myself I can handle what Im feeling for that girl. I tell myself I can be friends with her and that its just only friendly love. I try to make myself believe all...
    realandtrue realandtrue 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I can never seem to make myself proud. I am horribly ashamed of almost everything I do. Where is my self respect and respect for others. Where are my morals that I held so dear...
    Awakening29 Awakening29 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 19

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    Help me think of a way to make myself and others around me happy.
    notsofab notsofab 16-17, F Jul 16

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    I don't want to remember the past. I wish that I could live in the moment and not have all my hash memories to hold me back in daily activities. I have so much to be grateful for...
    notokayrightnow notokayrightnow 18-21, F 2 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I don't really have much friends at all anymore and if I did I'd just drive them away intentionally. My best friend has her own crowd now and honestly I feel so alone deep down. I...
    Angrysalads Angrysalads 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 14

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    Aug. 1. Gratitude. "We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more." —Codependent No More Say thank you, until we mean it. Thank God...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 15 hrs ago

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    From the beginning of this year I knew I had my work cut out for me. But I didn't know how hard it would truly be. I go to a Private school, we have a small amount of students at...
    rachelharperr rachelharperr 13-15, F Jul 6

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    I would never hurt someone intentionally. It's mean and unwise. I've been a victim of such sorts & I'm not angry with myself as much as I am feeling pity for that person. He'll be...
    IntomeYousee IntomeYousee 36-40, F Jul 1

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    I am (technically) a Christian. I believed in god until the age of 11. Everything began to mess up from then forward. The first time I cut myself, the first time I misbehaved, the...
    Jas4001 Jas4001 18-21, F Jul 9

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    Right now all I want to do is listen to any music that will make me remind of MYSELF. MY memories, my feelings, my happiness and my desires. I want to be healed bit by bit through...
    Wewerethereinthattime Wewerethereinthattime 18-21, F 11 hrs ago

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    I'm not sure if I'm just feeling depressed or If I actually am. But I just need to write my feelings and thoughts right now because I can express myself on here and ONLY here...
    Faithlovee Faithlovee 16-17, F 5 days ago

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    I know this sinking feeling anywhere. It's happening again. I've been depressed most of my teenage years. I have plenty of ups, but there are always downs that follow close behind...
    LettersToTheSky LettersToTheSky 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 2

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    It feels good to have a little chat with my dad again. It has been years that we haven't talked normally with each other because of some personal issues and misunderstanding. I...
    sayangeiram sayangeiram 22-25, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    Hate myself I feel so ****** everyone around me sucks and are so negative my mom makes me feel like **** daily
    lazy13 lazy13 16-17, M 1 Response 44 mins ago

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    It will take much courage, on the part of some of you who consider yourselves to have a great deal at stake, to make a radical deviation from your anticipated life script and forge...
    findmeholdmeloveme findmeholdmeloveme 18-21, F 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    I'm so sad, and tired all the time. I'm tired of being depressed I think of taking my own life almost everyday.😔 when I'm with my family I smile because we're going through hard...
    depressedliving depressedliving 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 9

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    I wouldn't say I'm fully depressed... I would just say my past isn't a good place to let my mind wonder... Yet that seems to be the only place it wants to go. I have a boyfriend...
    keepkeepinon keepkeepinon 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    . I like to make up songs while I'm brushing my teeth! And it makes me laugh when I hear myself ! 2. I'm hopelessly addicted to using exclamations points excessively!!!! 3. I have...
    Alicexnum2 Alicexnum2 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 13

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    I've had periods in life where I would have deep connections/conversations with good friends, girlfriends, relatives, and feel absolutely confident and social. However I would...
    afinechap afinechap 36-40, M 6 days ago

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    I feel depressed off and on constantly. I'm 16 and this started around this past December. I am lonely. It's not like I have no friends, but I go on social media and see all these...
    averageandalone averageandalone 16-17, F 3 Responses Jul 3

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    I hate myself. I immediately regret everything I say or do, or don't say or don't do, from the deepest conversations to the tiniest facial expressions I might make while ordering a...
    biggoron biggoron 26-30, M Jul 8

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    Hi, I'm 16 this year. I just really need someone who can relate to me. I hate myself so much. I hate everything about myself. And this is why. I'm Asian so ever since I was young...
    jyjho jyjho 16-17, F 7 Responses Jul 14

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    I have a lot of motives for being a depressed and a **** human being... i just cant help myself of getting out of this situation, i lie to my mom everyday telling her that i'm ok...
    nahmr nahmr 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 23

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    I have been depressed for at least the last 3-4 years. My parents want me to get over my depression and take medication (Zoloft), but to be completely honest, I like being...
    LaurenHarris LaurenHarris 13-15, F 22 hrs ago

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    Dslfhad;s gfiSOEK;F HISAIKUHKHAK WE9WT U9PW yutioseyf’oshashdfl hdlfhajds a’jflsjfijwefiopwuti’ajesiwfasjgf,djf/dlfisejfaposugjp Asadgf W9a’tejpwqu2-9w475t749rfgv8ifh’ypc...
    zmajurazanog zmajurazanog 18-21, M Jul 4

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    I was in third grade. I didn't have friends,I was bullied. One day,my friend approached me and asked "why are you so depressed?" I sat down and cried. I was depressed. I had just...
    Here2helpforfree Here2helpforfree 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    July 19. Proving It to Ourselves. "I spent a year trying to prove to my husband how much his drinking was hurting me. When I began to recover, I realized I was the one who needed...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 19

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    I feel alone. Not just in depression itself, but life in general. I'm so utterly depressed with my life. I try. I try to put myself out there and make friends. Instead, I feel...
    cringing cringing 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 2

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    When I first arrived in Ibiza it was very difficult for anyone to get to know me. I was afraid to smile and socialize because I cared too much about what other people thought. I...
    Badtimanonymous Badtimanonymous 31-35, M Jul 6