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I Intentionally Make Myself Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 43 People

    Storm's Brewin'

    And this time there's nothing intentional about it.  Frankly, I'm worried.
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2009

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    Sometimes...

    I sometimes feel like a lot of depressed people do where they feel "better" the more sad or down they are. They just get used to feeling that way and keeping their expectations low so they aren't disappointed in life. I've been guilty of this many times in my life and...
    EnigmaVest EnigmaVest 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31, 2009

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    Always

    Sometimes I think of things so much that I just make myself feel really depressed. It's like I want to be like this.. but I don't... I just can't get out of it though. It just goes round and round.. I feel really depressed.. then I feel okay..  and then I think to much...
    BrokenAngelWishes BrokenAngelWishes 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 31, 2010

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    Fiance's Ex.

    So my fiance and I have been together for a while now and we have a child who's almost one, recently his ex girlfriend has been saying very negative things to me about our child and us being together...   do you think it's out of jealousy?
    TaliaYumYum TaliaYumYum 18-21 1 Response Jul 13, 2009

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    "depressed Child"

    On purpose, that is the word that rings through my head as i sit here typing this. Why would someone so sane intentionally make themselves feel unhappy, suicidal, or depressed. I have a happy streak for three or four days, but after that, i sit down and make myself depressed. I...
    dallascowboyz29fan dallascowboyz29fan 16-17 2 Responses Sep 10, 2010

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    In a Way

     I have been depressed for so long that I am so used to feeling down all the time. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy or normal. It would be a miracle if I get better. There have been many opportunities in my life to change and live a normal life but I am so pessimistic...
    reset reset 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 7, 2009

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    I Guess I Should Clarify Something

    I created the group and chose the word "depressed" because I decided to use the word to mean what people commonly mean by it:  down, gloomy, sad, feeling isolated.  Folks on EP would latch onto that word, say, "Yep, that's me," and we could talk...
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

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    Sometimes, when I can't sleep,

    I think of really sad scenarios that hurt me so much emotionally that I cry, because I want to prepare myself for the worse and so I will be able to be calm when I want to cry in public. But sometimes, I just think of me dying not because I want to prepare myself, because it...
    solisluna solisluna 16-17, F Aug 3, 2014

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    Beating Myself Up

    So I've been very depressed for three or four years now. It started in late eighth grade, and now I'm a rising senior. It's been tough. For a while, I literally didn't go a day without fantasizing about killing myself, and I think that left a lasting effect on me. Even today...
    Freezesmyblood Freezesmyblood 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 21, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    I'd been feeling so sick all day that I decided to make myself vomit. I went to the toilet and started trying to burp up the vomit but it didn't work so I had to finger my throat...
    pukeboy pukeboy 22-25, M 1 Response Feb 6

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    Generally my news feed only shows stuff I can cope with like world news or something, but once in a while I still get posts from those overachievers/get everything they want people...
    thisisausernametoo thisisausernametoo 18-21 1 Response Feb 14

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    I hate LinkedIn. It's just another excuse to brag and another way for me to confirm that everyone is better and smarter and more mature than I am. I wish I could say I don't want...
    thisisausernametoo thisisausernametoo 18-21 1 Response Feb 4

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    If people paid attention they'd know how funny I am. But Billy's in his iPhone and Margaret is thinking about Billy and I'm over here like Comedy Central on mute.
    MommysGotTats420 MommysGotTats420 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Confessions of A Depressionist. If you know me then you would say I'm always happy or always so hopeful and cheerful. By to me it's always been a fight to make myself happy...
    Lugelogistics93 Lugelogistics93 18-21, M 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    I've just recently come to terms with being depressed. I didn't feel I was. Depressed was for people who were sad, upset, hated themselves, cut themselves, thought about suicide...
    Haerodiel Haerodiel 22-25, F Feb 4

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    It's a struggle, but I know inner peace comes from it. Perhaps I'll never be 'happy.' I think I can be okay with that, as I have lost something that was so dear to me, but perhaps...
    WingsofTime WingsofTime 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 19

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    I can't step on the scale at all without freaking out and obsessing over my weight. I turn into a complete psycho because of it. It's suck a terrible feeling:( I'll even starve...
    bribri590 bribri590 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 5

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    Sometimes i feel like i shouldnt be allowed to call myself depressed because so many people have it worse
    Xychorite Xychorite 16-17, M Feb 8

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    Am sick of it all I want is to be like everyone els have friends and a gf and abill to go places with them and talk talk the time but cos my social anxiety I can't and my social...
    thebigscottishguy thebigscottishguy 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    If you play with fire, you're going to get burnt.... Why did I let this happen? Someone is going to get hurt... And I hope it me and not the people involved... I've ****** up...
    catho catho 18-21, F Feb 10

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    Today I forced myself to puke again. I was out with some friends and we were hanging out at the skate park. After a couple of hours of skating I wanted to do something else. So I...
    pukeboy pukeboy 22-25, M Feb 6

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    It's not that I think you don't love me. It's the fact that I don't love myself and I make myself think that no one can love me by making impossible connections possible in my mind...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    My husband is depressed and everything I say makes him feel bad. I can't talk to him about anything. I feel like I have to bottle everything up because he thinks anything bad is...
    SecretScorpio12 SecretScorpio12 22-25, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    Sometimes I just gaze into the mirror, staring back at my reflection. As I look into my eyes all I can see is hurt and pain, misery caused by myself and to myself, as if the life...
    lisa2047 lisa2047 13-15, F 11 hrs ago

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    Indecisiveness, constantly changing, self-harm, daydreaming, realist, contradictory, unstable, love-hate relationship with everyone, insecurities, gloomy, depressed, pessimistic...
    Nual Nual 22-25, F 10 hrs ago

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    Rainy/sleeting days make me feel miserable. I wish spring were here already.
    jackiem29 jackiem29 26-30, F 2 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Another argument broke out amongst my sister, mother, and my mother's boyfriend about me. I can't really sleep well anymore. Everything's pinned on me. I hate being called a liar...
    AscherLukasValentine AscherLukasValentine 16-17 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    I have been feeling very depressed lately. I just want to be alone.
    aestrada91 aestrada91 22-25, F 3 hrs ago

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    We all make mistakes. We are human it's a given that it will happen and frequently too. Making the same mistake over and over again is tough. It is always by accident for me when...
    ttbridge ttbridge 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 13

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      I came across this forum after searching for advice or similar stories online. Here's my story anyway; I'm about to turn 25 this April and feel completely at a loss with...
    Mardybum1 Mardybum1 22-25, M Feb 5

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    Something I had to do for a long time as long as I remember. I finally gave up and admitted that I was different from everyone else at school. For many reasons. Too many reasons...
    crazysoul24 crazysoul24 22-25 5 Responses Feb 5

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    Whenever I see someone smiling or laughing I become depressed, whenever I see someone smart person smiling or laughing I become depressed, whenever I see a mother loving her baby I...
    pracie25 pracie25 18-21, T Feb 8

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    I am feeling so pissed right now. I just want to hurt someone. Just to see them in pain. Wailing at my mercy that's running thin. I need to see a struggle and hear a cry. If I can...
    Lifesucksx10 Lifesucksx10 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 16

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    For three years now I have been depressed. It started out as repeated failure, then spiraled out from their to isolation, anti-social disorder and social anxiety. I thought that if...
    Guest4111 Guest4111 13-15, M Feb 18

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    I hate my life so much, I really have been compensating whether or not I should kill myself, but I can never bring myself to it, like it's just thoughts; but seriously Life's...
    Krchan2 Krchan2 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 12

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    So for the last few months my husband has been severely depressed. I've been on his side before, but never let others know about it. Plus it was way before him and I met. Not that...
    SecretScorpio12 SecretScorpio12 22-25, F 21 hrs ago

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    it just gets worse and worse,i used to be able to hide it but i don't even have the energy to hide it anymore or pretend i'm anything else then depressed.. everytime i wake up i...
    OccultumLapidem OccultumLapidem 22-25, M 6 days ago

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    I've been randomly feeling depressed since I was in the third grade. At least that's the earliest that I can remember, and remember vividly. I locked myself in my room and put a...
    Jaivous Jaivous 22-25, F 5 days ago

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    Finding an inspiration that heals. Shes gone. It hurts but I will be okay. This past year has been phenomenally hard but I believe I'm exactly where I need to be. 2014 I was...
    mmn6134 mmn6134 22-25, F Feb 5

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    Hello, not sure how to talk about this but I have been thinking about ending my own life. I have a good life, my husband loves me and I work from home with many hobbies available...
    Myhssweatshirt Myhssweatshirt 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 24

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    I got off of work around ten. I ate before, but I'd still been sneaking food when I could. I work in fast food, and its so hard not to constantly snack while I'm there. Almost all...
    chubbykitty20 chubbykitty20 18-21, F 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    Okay ,I'm done freaking out now about this . * sigh* it is what it is . These are the stupid and unfair cards I was dealt and I will deal with it . I have to . I don't have a...
    chernobylplayground chernobylplayground 36-40, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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