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I Intentionally Make Myself Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 38 People

    "depressed Child"

    On purpose, that is the word that rings through my head as i sit here typing this. Why would someone so sane intentionally make themselves feel unhappy, suicidal, or depressed. I have a happy streak for three or four days, but after that, i sit down and make myself depressed. I...
    dallascowboyz29fan dallascowboyz29fan 16-17 2 Responses Sep 10, 2010

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    Thriving On Sadness

    I've been depressed for so long. When I was 10-12 years old my mom was as at rock bottom and my piece of shite dad wasn't around. We were feeling pretty low, and everytime my dad made my mom cry I wanted to kill him. I decided no one else was capable of handling our problems so...
    Jan 23, 2013

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    Always

    Sometimes I think of things so much that I just make myself feel really depressed. It's like I want to be like this.. but I don't... I just can't get out of it though. It just goes round and round.. I feel really depressed.. then I feel okay..  and then I think to much...
    BrokenAngelWishes BrokenAngelWishes 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 31, 2010

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    In a Way

     I have been depressed for so long that I am so used to feeling down all the time. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy or normal. It would be a miracle if I get better. There have been many opportunities in my life to change and live a normal life but I am so pessimistic...
    reset reset 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 7, 2009

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    I Guess I Should Clarify Something

    I created the group and chose the word "depressed" because I decided to use the word to mean what people commonly mean by it:  down, gloomy, sad, feeling isolated.  Folks on EP would latch onto that word, say, "Yep, that's me," and we could talk...
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

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    Beating Myself Up

    So I've been very depressed for three or four years now. It started in late eighth grade, and now I'm a rising senior. It's been tough. For a while, I literally didn't go a day without fantasizing about killing myself, and I think that left a lasting effect on me. Even today...
    Freezesmyblood Freezesmyblood 16-17, M 1 Response Aug 21, 2013

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    Fiance's Ex.

    So my fiance and I have been together for a while now and we have a child who's almost one, recently his ex girlfriend has been saying very negative things to me about our child and us being together...   do you think it's out of jealousy?
    TaliaYumYum TaliaYumYum 18-21 1 Response Jul 13, 2009

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    Storm's Brewin'

    And this time there's nothing intentional about it.  Frankly, I'm worried.
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2009

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    Sometimes...

    I sometimes feel like a lot of depressed people do where they feel "better" the more sad or down they are. They just get used to feeling that way and keeping their expectations low so they aren't disappointed in life. I've been guilty of this many times in my life and...
    EnigmaVest EnigmaVest 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31, 2009

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    Related Experiences

    This is another stupid non-'experience' i've seen on here. How does Facebook out of all websites (especially this one) make someone feel depressed? Because you have no friends? No...
    Yogurtree Yogurtree 18-21, F 3 Responses a week ago

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    It makes me wonder who my real friends are. It seems like Facebook is a buzz kill to those of us who are having it a bit rough. We see peoples dinners, kids, vacations, talents...
    Cattytatts Cattytatts 26-30, F Apr 4

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    Literally and figuratively. Emotionally and mechanically. Compulsively and repeatedly. Not much left of my gastric lining . .
    dispossessed dispossessed 46-50, F 2 Responses Mar 29

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    April 3. Acceptance. Surrender to the moment. Ride it out and through, for all it's worth. Throw yourself into it. Stop resisting. So much of our anguish is created when we are...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 3

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    I really hope no one will mind me kept typing the same frustration and depression related to what I am facing. I tried my best to occupy myself, watch tv, watch YouTube... But once...
    sadboi sadboi 26-30, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I am currently finding/creating myself, slow but surely. I have found that in the past being the naive and vulnerable me does not help me. It makes me depressed, angry and...
    whylife93 whylife93 18-21, F Apr 12

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    {Note: I had already posted this recently but I think the title was too obscure and nobody was reading it. I better title might be "Where do I stand?" but I haven't seen any posts...
    ModernJob ModernJob 16-17, M 3 Responses Mar 22

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    I am officially having a meltdown. Right now. I'm supposed to be at PT right now, but it's over in half an hour, this will be the second time I've missed. I just... I wake up and I...
    ArguablyLonely ArguablyLonely 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 8

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    I very really make friends when I do I can't keep then for more than a month and this with a few other thins make me depressed a lot and I dunno what to do
    scottishbigguy scottishbigguy 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 8

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    Girl problems... I love her she doesn't even know it. All she thinks of me is her BROTHER. And she has a boyfriend :/ a complete douche who smoked weed and hangs out with the most...
    MrUnkn0wn MrUnkn0wn 13-15, M 1 Response Apr 3

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    i love a girl more than the world.....but she used to ignore me almost all the time.....that makes me depressed....:(
    Tafar420 Tafar420 22-25 Apr 9

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    ( Short story: Prologue) My last hope Everything stops. Times stands still. There he lies on the cold ground. Here I’m standing just staring down as death whispers on the end...
    TweDee TweDee 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 21

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    I'm on here so I can express myself better. Face to face... Forget about it... Here I can post whatever I'm thinking or feeling without fear. To make myself vulnerable without the...
    dacraww dacraww 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 23

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    I always say I hate liars and that if you lie to me then I'm done, but I lie all the time. But I only lie so I can try to make myself believe something else. I don't want to...
    agirltoremember agirltoremember 13-15, F Apr 1

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    I'm fat, disgusting, ugly, and worthless and everyone I've ever tried to get help from didn't care about how I feel. Sometimes I shout on the inside and I want to die because I'm a...
    iLoveAsjohn iLoveAsjohn 16-17, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Part of my work is talking to people from all walks of life helping build their business over the phone. I say literally the dumbest things just to make myself look comical and it...
    ECarimbadass ECarimbadass 18-21, M Mar 24

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    I love making others laugh and smile, but I can't seem to make myself laugh or smile. When I'm around people I seem to be happy but the second I'm alone I sit there emotionless. I...
    angelicahcah angelicahcah 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 9

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    April 21. Waiting. Wait. If the time is not right, the way is not clear, the answer or decision not consistent, wait. We may feel a sense of urgency. We may want to resolve the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 hrs ago

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    So I'm studying, management, to better myself in the job that in working at. It's getting hard, being online, no help, got no one to ask, I'm so stupid. So how can you actually...
    J3ssii3 J3ssii3 22-25, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    So depressed can't stop crying in bed. Getting my children back soon.. I feel like a horrid mum as I don't think I can handle them right now :(
    jjw123 jjw123 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I hate myself sometimes why I'm so lack of confidence. I wasn't like this when I was younger. Some parts in life changed me and how I behave. I always try to maintain low-profile...
    Iamlouis Iamlouis 22-25, F 27 mins ago

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    i wouldn't say that I'm a real, dreamer.. okay maybe i am. I tend to spend Majority of my time thinking. And thinking about life seems to be the only thing i can do. To be honest...
    LifeAfterBlake LifeAfterBlake 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I know I am, cuz I think everyone's better than me. Idk seems everyone's not feeling anxieties or insecure all the time like me. Like I'm worthless, but hey there's a good side to...
    GrumpyGrouchy GrumpyGrouchy 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 3

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    I'm almost 16 and pretty much for my whole life, I was depressed, I was hit often when I was young and I haven't seen my father often because he worked in a different country, but...
    tribes33 tribes33 13-15, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Oh my god, I'm so tired of this. I'm so sick of being alive. I hate myself in every single way. I don't want to keeping living anymore. I want to die. I don't want to go to college...
    mysteryhatcat mysteryhatcat 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 24

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    I am feeling so depressed again. It's been a while since I felt this way. I have had someone come into my life and he can be exciting but has no idea how he makes me feel when he...
    Lonelyone6 Lonelyone6 46-50, F Mar 30

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    im so hard, i need some pictures and a dirty chat to make me come
    mattyboy747 mattyboy747 18-21, M 4 hrs ago

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    strong women don't play victim .. they don't make themselves look pity and don't point finger's .. they stand and they deal . that's me!!
    poisonlady poisonlady 31-35, F 7 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Watching my mum playing candy crush, seeing her smile. I used to share all my problem with my mum. And she's always there for me. But I couldn't share with her about my urinary...
    sadboi sadboi 26-30, M 3 days ago

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    Hey guys long time no see i guess, So today I had to visit my psychiatrist with my therapist (yeah I know :/ both) I knew I was depressed and had anxiety both of them major cases...
    WhyDoYouThinkYouKnowMe WhyDoYouThinkYouKnowMe 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 26

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    It sucks when you're ignored by the person whose attention is the only thing you want in the world. Ever since this girl first walked into our school, I couldn’t take my eyes...
    elugo123456789 elugo123456789 18-21, M 2 Responses Apr 2

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    I could write a 30,000 word prose of why I am depressed and why life has led me to the way I feel right now. But none of that really matters. It doesn't matter what life...
    Isabel13 Isabel13 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 22

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    I found myself in that hollowed out place, following dirt roads, getting lost. At noon it felt dark, as if light had been sucked out intentionally by large hovering monoliths, and...
    rainbowrsn1 rainbowrsn1 41-45, F 1 Response Mar 30

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    I feel like I'm trapped. I've decided to isolate myself in a world full of darkness and negative past experiences that keep replaying every single day. I have to keep faking a...
    Sciencelover Sciencelover 13-15, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Ever since this girl first walked into our school for the first time, I couldn't take my eyes off her, and I know I probably wasn't the only one gazing at her beauty. Through my...
    elugo123456789 elugo123456789 18-21, M Apr 7

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    Ever since this girl first walked into our school for the first time, I couldn't take my eyes off her, and I know I probably wasn't the only one gazing at her beauty. Through my...
    elugo123456789 elugo123456789 18-21, M Apr 8

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    I could write a 30,000 word prose of why I am depressed and why life has led me to the way I feel right now. But none of that really matters. It doesn't matter what life...
    Isabel13 Isabel13 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 22

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    I have always felt disgusted with myself even from a young age. In middle school to now (Highschool) It has increased dramatically. I hate everything from my weight to my hair...
    patches36 patches36 13-15, F 3 Responses Mar 27

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    So every day I wake up and I convince myself to get out of bed, usually with the argument that 'they'll think something's wrong' and I go around my life fooling everybody into...
    TechLash TechLash 18-21, M 2 Responses Apr 3

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    My husband has been battling depression for our entire 10-year relationship. It's become a third member of our marriage; a wedge pushing us apart. And I don't know what to do. I...
    FakeIsTheNewReal FakeIsTheNewReal 31-35, F 5 Responses Mar 24

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    I'm just been so depressed lately i mean I have two good friends but they don't understand what I'm going to go through what makes me even more angry is that my mom always tells I...
    saladbarchris saladbarchris 13-15, M Mar 25

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    Hey! I'm new here at EP and I really need someone to talk to, good advice, experiences and such.. I don't know what to do! My boyfriend did do drugs and tried to take his own life...
    lilcarey lilcarey 22-25, F Mar 27

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    March 30. Experiment. Experiment. Try something new. Try stepping out. We have been held back too long. We have held ourselves back too long. As children, many of us were...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F