Post

I Intentionally Make Myself Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 40 People

    Sometimes...

    I sometimes feel like a lot of depressed people do where they feel "better" the more sad or down they are. They just get used to feeling that way and keeping their expectations low so they aren't disappointed in life. I've been guilty of this many times in my life and...
    EnigmaVest EnigmaVest 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "depressed Child"

    On purpose, that is the word that rings through my head as i sit here typing this. Why would someone so sane intentionally make themselves feel unhappy, suicidal, or depressed. I have a happy streak for three or four days, but after that, i sit down and make myself depressed. I...
    dallascowboyz29fan dallascowboyz29fan 16-17 2 Responses Sep 10, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Storm's Brewin'

    And this time there's nothing intentional about it.  Frankly, I'm worried.
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Guess I Should Clarify Something

    I created the group and chose the word "depressed" because I decided to use the word to mean what people commonly mean by it:  down, gloomy, sad, feeling isolated.  Folks on EP would latch onto that word, say, "Yep, that's me," and we could talk...
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Thriving On Sadness

    I've been depressed for so long. When I was 10-12 years old my mom was as at rock bottom and my piece of shite dad wasn't around. We were feeling pretty low, and everytime my dad made my mom cry I wanted to kill him. I decided no one else was capable of handling our problems so...
    Jan 23, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fiance's Ex.

    So my fiance and I have been together for a while now and we have a child who's almost one, recently his ex girlfriend has been saying very negative things to me about our child and us being together...   do you think it's out of jealousy?
    TaliaYumYum TaliaYumYum 18-21 1 Response Jul 13, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes, when I can't sleep,

    I think of really sad scenarios that hurt me so much emotionally that I cry, because I want to prepare myself for the worse and so I will be able to be calm when I want to cry in public. But sometimes, I just think of me dying not because I want to prepare myself, because it...
    solisluna solisluna 16-17, F Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Always

    Sometimes I think of things so much that I just make myself feel really depressed. It's like I want to be like this.. but I don't... I just can't get out of it though. It just goes round and round.. I feel really depressed.. then I feel okay..  and then I think to much...
    BrokenAngelWishes BrokenAngelWishes 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 31, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In a Way

     I have been depressed for so long that I am so used to feeling down all the time. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy or normal. It would be a miracle if I get better. There have been many opportunities in my life to change and live a normal life but I am so pessimistic...
    reset reset 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 7, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Beating Myself Up

    So I've been very depressed for three or four years now. It started in late eighth grade, and now I'm a rising senior. It's been tough. For a while, I literally didn't go a day without fantasizing about killing myself, and I think that left a lasting effect on me. Even today...
    Freezesmyblood Freezesmyblood 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 21, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    My story is that I have a sickness inside that I don't know how to make go away. It's hard to define this sickness other than a pervading poison that is eating me from the inside...
    Shellybelle Shellybelle 41-45, F 4 Responses Aug 26

    Your Response

    Cancel
    shenlong977 shenlong977 18-21, M Aug 22

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I think I am kind of insane...:-/ I can have a stable life here ,just I am ******* push myself into an unfamiliar place and make myself be more competitive and challenge myself...
    Farmerwork Farmerwork 22-25, F 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I've never been this kind of depressed before though. I know that I am depressed but I also know what I want to make myself feel better. I just need some kind of help. I go to...
    samyoung8 samyoung8 18-21, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I have days where I have ups and downs or just occurrences that make me depressed. It just really depends on the situation but most of the time I am usually happy or just have...
    MiZShortiiE MiZShortiiE 18-21, F Sep 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I have been depressed like always and I tried to make myself feel better and I couldn't and a lot of things that are not ok crossed my mind suicide/cutting and I curled up in a...
    joshjudgment joshjudgment 13-15, M 2 Responses Aug 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I am a girl of violence. Who cuts her wrist, punch the wall, cry in her sleep, punch myself, make myself suffer, Stop my breath, drown my face in the water, choke myself, laugh...
    PartyPoison04 PartyPoison04 13-15, F 3 Responses Sep 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    It's in the middle of the night, and once again I can't sleep.. I've taken my meds, and they're suppose to make me sleepy.. but I'm wide awake.. I feel so low, and am listening to...
    Lily449 Lily449 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I kind of wish I had the guts to run away or kill myself right now. Maybe if I was stupid I could do drugs and drink to make myself feel better. Unfortunately I'm not stupid, to...
    sugarcakes143 sugarcakes143 18-21, F 6 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Thoughts constantly run in your mind & when there are multiple thoughts running, it impacts your clarity of thinking. Clarity of thinking impacts the way you speak making you...
    uselessguy uselessguy 36-40, M Aug 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Just when I think I have it beat, it hits me full force again! Yesterday should have been a great day with the great news I got, but I was still sad inside. Didn't sleep at all...
    Saram1985 Saram1985 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I love things but I make myself believe I don't love them. I hate things and I try to love them. I know how am I yet I try to change! I know that I want to be intersting yet I try...
    Idonotcareanymore Idonotcareanymore 18-21 Sep 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Just looking for someone to talk to and lean on once in a while. Someone who will call me out and tell me how they see it. My life is pretty messed up. I am trying to rekindle my...
    fishin4eyes fishin4eyes 31-35, M 4 Responses Sep 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Guess I've just discovered that I'm an introvert. I'm actually enjoying my new found label, because it explains so much! I googled "introvert" read a bunch of comments that...
    PhotoB PhotoB 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I cannot bear it all in.. It's just too much.. Is there something wrong with me that people always choose to leave me? Am i some kind of a toy?? Did i ever played someone? I never...
    PartyPoison04 PartyPoison04 13-15, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    At one point in my life I was very depressed. Everyone at school hated me, and my parents were very abusive to me. They were verbally, physically, and mentally abusive and they...
    sempiternalFlood sempiternalFlood 13-15, F 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    No matter how hard I've tried, I can never make any friends. Loneliness is okay at times because I'm used to it but it hurts quite a bit. I feel unappreciated. Like I'm just a face...
    Awhiteorchid Awhiteorchid 16-17, F 4 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I used to be such a happy, active child. I used to love doing so many things. Running, biking, going to the beach.. Now, thanks to my lovely father... I've lost myself. I gave up...
    Fabihurtado123 Fabihurtado123 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 24

    Your Response

    Cancel
    My parents aren't abusive or anything although I don't have a very good relationship with them, I told them about how depressed I was and how I wanted to die. I partially expected...
    losingthespark losingthespark 13-15, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    It makes no difference the state of mind I find myself in For everything points to a rather lonely existance I adapt as best I can to be who I want within my limitations Yet...
    PoeticMute PoeticMute 31-35, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    i think i may be getting depressed. since ive lost all the friends who mean the most to me i dont know how to feel. it was so bad that on saturday night i wanted to kill myslef but...
    MaddiJade16 MaddiJade16 13-15, F 4 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Leave me alone for now I'm deep in thought, treacherous territory I know It's what I must do to decompress from a day of scattered thought I never thought I'd get to a stage where...
    PoeticMute PoeticMute 31-35, M Sep 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Please forgive me if this post is extraordinarily long. I'm well aware that anyone out there shouldn't be asked to sit through this, but I would really appreciate it if someone did...
    jojo2450 jojo2450 18-21, M 3 Responses Sep 4

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Hello, About 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with depression, though I would say I have been depressed for a few months it has really got me to a point where I need to write this...
    guethary guethary 22-25, M 1 Response Aug 28

    Your Response

    Cancel
    There's something about him that I've always admired. Something that has always drawn me to him, even now. His strength. His passion. His curiosity, his thirst for knowledge. For...
    NeverForgeIt NeverForgeIt 16-17, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I'm depressed and it's hard. It's gotten bad enough that I started cutting myself for tons of different reasons. Sometimes I feel so numb inside that I cut myself so I can feel...
    benjamintkw benjamintkw 13-15, M Sep 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    it seems like i can't catch a break. i don't deliberately try to be bad, but everyone thinks that. i am in trouble almost all the time, and i don't even know why. i'm not rebelling...
    KatieRosess KatieRosess 16-17, F 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I am living in Northern England, rapidly approaching the age of 35, depressed that I've never been able to have a real social life. The problem is that I'm still living with my...
    CodemonkeyNE CodemonkeyNE 31-35, M 1 Response Sep 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Ok, I know I shouldn't feel depressed but I do. I have always had a great relationship with my dad and thought I did with my mom up until I lost my job of 12 years, 3 years ago. I...
    bluefireball4949 bluefireball4949 31-35, M 1 Response Sep 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    This is really hard to talk about. When i was a child, my parents divorced. Once they divorced, my father and his new girlfriend and future wife/former wife, started abusing me...
    persephone1407 persephone1407 26-30, F a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    There's nothing that I have...nothing to give, nothing to show off. Nothing. The ability of communication--nonverbal cues, eloquence, "people skills"--monetizes much of our lives...
    Ewoo Ewoo 16-17 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    So I've been struggling with self-confidence issues for a very long time but it really flourished 5 years ago. I've never been comfortable with myself so I've never really formed...
    ChelseaJN ChelseaJN 16-17, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    August 31. Denial. I've been recovering many years. I've used denial many times. It has been a defense, a survival device, a coping behavior, and, at times, almost my undoing. It...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    life was good until i hit 18 years of age, i graduated high school back in 2008 and then i started having bathroom problems/ stomach problems which i was told was from ibs and...
    joe0ner joe0ner 18-21, M Aug 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The group "I want to kill myself" is not available to me on EP. That is bullshit. So I'm here. There's not much I can think of to say. I have been wanting to kill myself for a...
    Orange666 Orange666 16-17, F 2 Responses Sep 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I hate that I always fall into the trap of "don't worry, I'm not like them" or "I would never leave you." But everyone always stays for my good side, the fake me, the me that's...
    OsyriaRose OsyriaRose 16-17, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Am i depressed? I don't know when someone is diagnosed as depressed but i think i am. I have felt like this for maybe 2 years; always feeling tired and sad. I like to be alone...
    leaskyy leaskyy 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel