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I Intentionally Make Myself Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 42 People

    Beating Myself Up

    So I've been very depressed for three or four years now. It started in late eighth grade, and now I'm a rising senior. It's been tough. For a while, I literally didn't go a day without fantasizing about killing myself, and I think that left a lasting effect on me. Even today...
    Freezesmyblood Freezesmyblood 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 21, 2013

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    In a Way

     I have been depressed for so long that I am so used to feeling down all the time. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy or normal. It would be a miracle if I get better. There have been many opportunities in my life to change and live a normal life but I am so pessimistic...
    reset reset 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 7, 2009

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    "depressed Child"

    On purpose, that is the word that rings through my head as i sit here typing this. Why would someone so sane intentionally make themselves feel unhappy, suicidal, or depressed. I have a happy streak for three or four days, but after that, i sit down and make myself depressed. I...
    dallascowboyz29fan dallascowboyz29fan 16-17 2 Responses Sep 10, 2010

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    I Guess I Should Clarify Something

    I created the group and chose the word "depressed" because I decided to use the word to mean what people commonly mean by it:  down, gloomy, sad, feeling isolated.  Folks on EP would latch onto that word, say, "Yep, that's me," and we could talk...
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

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    Storm's Brewin'

    And this time there's nothing intentional about it.  Frankly, I'm worried.
    romanticidiot romanticidiot 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2009

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    Fiance's Ex.

    So my fiance and I have been together for a while now and we have a child who's almost one, recently his ex girlfriend has been saying very negative things to me about our child and us being together...   do you think it's out of jealousy?
    TaliaYumYum TaliaYumYum 18-21 1 Response Jul 13, 2009

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    Sometimes...

    I sometimes feel like a lot of depressed people do where they feel "better" the more sad or down they are. They just get used to feeling that way and keeping their expectations low so they aren't disappointed in life. I've been guilty of this many times in my life and...
    EnigmaVest EnigmaVest 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 31, 2009

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    Always

    Sometimes I think of things so much that I just make myself feel really depressed. It's like I want to be like this.. but I don't... I just can't get out of it though. It just goes round and round.. I feel really depressed.. then I feel okay..  and then I think to much...
    BrokenAngelWishes BrokenAngelWishes 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 31, 2010

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    Sometimes, when I can't sleep,

    I think of really sad scenarios that hurt me so much emotionally that I cry, because I want to prepare myself for the worse and so I will be able to be calm when I want to cry in public. But sometimes, I just think of me dying not because I want to prepare myself, because it...
    solisluna solisluna 16-17, F Aug 3

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    Related Experiences

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    I really do. Whenever **** hits the fan, I stray from the norm more than I normally do. I get this obsessive, compulsive urge to make this world a better and a happier place; to...
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    thisisausernametoo thisisausernametoo 18-21 1 Response Dec 7

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    I'm a generally happy person but when I get on Facebook mood takes a change for the worst.
    Mackinzee Mackinzee 26-30, F 5 Responses Dec 18

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    December 2. Putting Our Life on Hold. We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 2

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    I hate everything about myself. Today on the drive home I listed off a few of my many regrets in my head. When I got home, my indoor kitten escaped outside and I over-reacted. I...
    lilpoetbear lilpoetbear 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 19

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    December 7. When the Time is Right. There are times when we simply do not know what to do, or where to go, next. Sometimes these periods are brief, sometimes lingering. We can...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 7

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    I am a little upset at things not going like I want them to. I just want a regular dependable non dramatic life... Which is proving elusive. Why can't life just be ok? Why can't...
    Sezom Sezom 36-40, M 1 Response Dec 8

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    As the world changes, people change. But it seems like it changes for the worse. Technology is growing day by day. People's thoughts and minds are also changing as fast as...
    BenzitaMckinley BenzitaMckinley 22-25, F Dec 2

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    I am engaged to the love of my life yet I can't be happy about it or feel excited about wedding planning because I am still depressed over the loss of my parents. I was happy and...
    cicisays13 cicisays13 26-30, F 7 hrs ago

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    This happens every few months. I get super depressed and don't even want to get out of bed. It's also not helping that people are being jerks. A friend of mine was suppose to text...
    maggiemae89 maggiemae89 22-25, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    I was really depressed when me and my boyfriend broke it. It felt so weird. I could barely breathe, my heart felt heavy, I lost a lot of weight, I was always alone (but what's new...
    uh2behonest uh2behonest 16-17, F 6 mins ago

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    I am afraid today not because I am depressed. But the pain is ready to touch the max limit.. I've bipolar. Was diagnosed when I was in my late teen. Though my mom's friend who...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Dec 16

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    i thought I was getting better. I told my parents about my depression and I confessed about cutting myself and self harming. i got put on antidepressants, they took a really long...
    EnjoyTheSilenceX EnjoyTheSilenceX 13-15, F 2 Responses Dec 12

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    Dartboard.So, it’s that time of year again. The time to look back at the many mishaps and happy occurrences that took place in the span of the previous 11 and a half months...
    Girlwithbrains Girlwithbrains 18-21, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    Everyone around be seems to be in their holiday spirit. Even the weather is beautiful here where I live. Exactly one year back, I was the happiest girl in the world and never...
    AmberDD AmberDD 22-25, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I would never hurt someone intentionally. Sometimes I "word vomit" and I just say things that hurt people. I really don't mean to intentionally hurt anyone, it just happens.
    DaddysGirl1995 DaddysGirl1995 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 8

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    I am 22 years old. I keep far too many things to myself. I was working a great job as a Welder for 17$ /hr but recently got laid off. I'm planning on going to live out in Edmonton...
    Mcgregor117 Mcgregor117 22-25, M 6 Responses Dec 2

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    Why is it so hard for me to open up to people? I need support because I feel as though I'm getting worse but I don't open up to anyone and when I'm around people, I act the...
    fatality500 fatality500 13-15, M Dec 12

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    Have so many thoughts in my head right now...idk I'm really messed up emotionally and mentally right now I'm scared to tell anyone how I feel and I don't want to be judged I don...
    BadGirl0312 BadGirl0312 26-30, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    For the first time in my life things began to get better. I have a boyfriend and I love him (but...I think he's too good for me), anyway, I actually felt happiness. I haven't felt...
    elena1998 elena1998 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 9

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    Hey there. There is no such thing somebody can fix you. You gotta fix yourself! Is all in you! In your mind! You gotta learn to see your pain and understand it. And try to not let...
    LovelyLilly13 LovelyLilly13 22-25, F Dec 13

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    I took out the map a few days ago and counted. I have traveled to nineteen different countries. This year I will add three more, but in retrospect out of the 195 total that is only...
    Mendmyheart Mendmyheart 46-50, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    this afternoon, just had a wonderful and tearfully conversation with my (dad's, obviously not mine nevertheless my mom's) bathroom wall. i suppose im just rehearsing a very...
    yayforKay yayforKay 22-25, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    My boys said You have the power too make her disappear. ........she has no power Other then her cam You have the power she has none
    simcard1234 simcard1234 51-55, F 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Wow did I ever 9 pieces of pizza and 8 beers. That should make the scale read higher. I was breathing heavily from all the pizza but couldn't stop it was so good and it the...
    Chubbyhubby230 Chubbyhubby230 31-35, M 1 hr ago

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    Over time I've noticed, especially in times where I'm around friends, Sometimes I will be happy to help and some times I'm hesitant, but all the same I put others first. I'm...
    MisssValentine MisssValentine 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 29

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    I could never ever intentionally hurt someone unless they were to do something that hurt me or the person I love. But besides that if I hurt you it wasn't on purpose. Sometimes I...
    Raptax231 Raptax231 18-21, M Dec 7

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    Never ever would I intentionally hurt someone. Even if I don't like them, I wouldn't hurt them.
    wedgieshurtalot wedgieshurtalot 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 8

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    Every time I make any kind of mistake- even just getting a bad grade on a test or saying something stupid- I feel like I deserve to be punished for it by hurting myself. I cut my...
    kaleidoscopic21 kaleidoscopic21 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 17

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    I am about to open my heart completely in here. Today I am living one of the worst days of my life and yes. It's depression, this ghost that has been haunting my life for a long...
    Allaloneandpoisoned Allaloneandpoisoned 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 29

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    I am thankful for the little things in life, and I try to smile and laugh, but it's not enough to help me. My head is fuzzy like a cotton ball. And grey, like a sorrowful sky. The...
    WingsofTime WingsofTime 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 30

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    They tell me my life is better since my dad got married to my step mom, but is it really is the question I'm often asking! We got into another argument over this from stuff that...
    sm1ttay sm1ttay 16-17, M 1 Response Dec 2

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    My two best friends ****** me over an now I'm so depressed, my family is now noticing. They kept me smiling and making me feel like I existed but lately they have been ignoring me...
    BrokenDesires BrokenDesires 13-15, F 4 Responses Nov 28

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    December 5. Difficult People. Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Dec 5

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    i love this song Forgive me now For I have sold my soul for gold Washed up on shore A thousand miles away from home Just as I begin to settle in to these skin and bones...
    Musicgamer14 Musicgamer14 13-15, M 1 Response Dec 6

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