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I Joke of the Week

Jokes/stories/things that just make ur day go by a little faster 62 People

    dougsmall dougsmall 31-35, M Feb 21, 2014

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    Two men walked into a pub late one afternoon

    and noticed that, among the few customers, was one individual sitting quietly at the end of the bar. The two ordered some beers. The bartender brought them and said, "that will be 50p please." They put it on the slate and a short time later ordered two more beers; again they...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 8, 2015

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    A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the

    hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Feb 6, 2014

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    Single Black Female-

    This is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta journal. Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 8 Responses Jul 17, 2009

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    Floors-

    A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may vist the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 23, 2009

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    True Story-

    Things are not as they appear.   A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 20, 2009

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    For The Birds

    I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Nov 10, 2013

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    2 Chimps & A Blonde-

    Two Chimps and a Blonde A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    Blonde Joke

    Why did the blonde wash her head in the sink? Because that is where you are suppose to wash vegetables.
    Arorin Arorin 22-25, M 2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

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    Why is Sunday, Monday,

    Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, & Saturday not as strong as a Century? Because they are just a little week.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Feb 7, 2014

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    A man walked into the lingerie department of

    Dunnes in Dublin and said to the woman behind the counter, "I'd like to buy a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B." What type of bra? asked the clerk. "Baptist" said the man. She said get a Baptist bra, and that you'd know what she meant." "Ah yes, now I remember" said the...
    busty73 busty73 61-65, F 2 Responses May 8, 2015

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    A Good Deal

    A man was stuck in rush hour traffic when a prostitute approaches his car. She says ill do anything you want for $100 but you have to tell me in 3 words or less. He thinks over the offer and says "paint my house"
    Simone1969 Simone1969 46-50, T 1 Response Nov 5, 2013

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    -mouthwash salesman-

    a neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked "sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?" aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!" the salesman seemed hurt and then tries again. "sir, since you are a bit irate, i'll...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 8 Responses Apr 21, 2010

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    I work at a plant that makes fire hydrants.

    I can never park anywhere near the place.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    My First Time-

    the sky was dark the moon was high all alone just she and I her hair was soft her eyes were blue i knew just what she wanted to do her skin so soft her legs so fine i ran my fingers down her spine i didn't know how but I tried my best i started by...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 11 Responses Aug 23, 2009

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    Why was the sand wet?

    Because the sea weed.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    A man was sick and tired of going to work every

    day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. God, in...
    BIPUSSY BIPUSSY 26-30, F 2 Responses Mar 6, 2015

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    Weight Loss Plan-

    A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 25, 2009

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    Have you heard the news about corduroy pillows?

    Seems they've been making a lot of headlines.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Canine Rehabilitation Upon completion of the

    Canine Rehabilitation courses, the student was granted a dogtorate.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Dec 5, 2013

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    How Observant R U? Quiz

    This is a based on U. S. info, so use all lobes of your brain. There are 25 questions, the average person gets 7 correct. No cheating, be honest. Number your paper from 1 through 25 1. On a standard traffice light, is the green on top or bottom? 2. How many States are there in...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 6 Responses Jul 8, 2009

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    Ladies, Gentlemen-

    Ladies read the first part....Men read the rest. A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 24 Responses Oct 27, 2009

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    Mailboxes-

    This was posted on my local radio station website. Gallery of mailboxes...people are so creative! Check it out. FYI: continue clicking past the advertisements... The one with the mailbox labeled "bills" put up high got me rolling :) http://www.971zht.com/cc-common...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 21, 2009

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    A neutron asks the bartender,

    "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "For you- no charge."
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    chinese surprise-

    an italian, a scotsman, and a chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. the foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the italian guy, "you're in charge of sweeping." to the scotsman he said, "you're in charge of shoveling." and to the chinese guy, "you're in...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 31, 2010

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    Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his

    dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?” the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. “Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!”
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Feb 6, 2014

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    Rock Hard Wish-

      Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked it up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man spoke...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 3 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    The Woman's Brains-

    A patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2009

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    Forrest Gump In Heaven

    Enjoy Peeps! It all boils down to how you hear the question. The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven, he is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. However, the gates are closed and as Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper, St. Peter says, "well, Forrest...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 6, 2009

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    2 Wise Nuns

     There were two nuns.. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the pastthirty-eight...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 8 Responses Jul 14, 2009

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    Total PC Experience

    Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the "total PC experience" to Macintosh computer users. MS software developers this week announced the latest version of its "Windows for Macintosh" bundle comes with MyDoom, Bagle, SoBig, LovSan...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response Oct 28, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    There were two economists who were shipwrecked on a desert island. They had no money but over the next three years they made millions of dollars selling their hats to each other.
    nicktime nicktime 31-35, M 3 hrs ago

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    pdqsailor1 pdqsailor1 51-55, M 3 hrs ago

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    Why was the chicken sitting at the bus stop???
    earthandstars earthandstars 41-45, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Boy : Mom, did you see me before I was born. Mom: No, why did you ask ? Boy : Then, how do you know I was you son?
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 6 hrs ago

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    One time I said to this kid if you want the most hilarious joke ever look in a mirror
    smitlord smitlord 16-17, M 7 hrs ago

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    Teacher asked what comes after a sentence. Told her an appeal.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 8 hrs ago

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    I just feel like a joke cause of my bipolar and speech impediment and nerve damage. No one takes me seriously
    krazkcatlady3085 krazkcatlady3085 26-30, F 1 day ago

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    In honor of tonight's game. The Jewish Quarterback! The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    see? i'm blonde so i can tell these jokes lol :Pa blonde, a redhead and a brunette were all lost in the desert. they found a lamp and rubbed it. a genie popped out and granted them...
    LillyJo LillyJo 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I had a bad week ugh. I hope next week is better. I have been sleep deprived and feeling horribly mad this week. I think that PMS is really hitting me.
    sagespoo sagespoo 16-17, F 3 days ago

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    Found this great mix of many of his songs online: https://www.mixcloud.com/garycrash/the-weeknd-mixtape-remastered-sound/
    Bennymtl1978 Bennymtl1978 36-40, M 3 days ago

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    A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses