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I Joke of the Week

Jokes/stories/things that just make ur day go by a little faster 65 People

    Forrest Gump In Heaven

    Enjoy Peeps! It all boils down to how you hear the question. The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven, he is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. However, the gates are closed and as Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper, St. Peter says, "well, Forrest...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 6, 2009

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    The Woman's Brains-

    A patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2009

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    Why is Sunday, Monday,

    Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, & Saturday not as strong as a Century? Because they are just a little week.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 7

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    A neutron asks the bartender,

    "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "For you- no charge."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    For The Birds

    I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 10, 2013

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    dougsmall dougsmall 31-35, M Feb 21

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    Weight Loss Plan-

    A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 25, 2009

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    Ladies, Gentlemen-

    Ladies read the first part....Men read the rest. A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 24 Responses Oct 27, 2009

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    Why was the sand wet?

    Because the sea weed.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    2 Chimps & A Blonde-

    Two Chimps and a Blonde A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the

    hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 6

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    2 Wise Nuns

     There were two nuns.. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the pastthirty-eight...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 9 Responses Jul 14, 2009

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    True Story-

    Things are not as they appear.   A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 20, 2009

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    Rock Hard Wish-

      Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked it up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man spoke...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 3 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    My First Time-

    the sky was dark the moon was high all alone just she and I her hair was soft her eyes were blue i knew just what she wanted to do her skin so soft her legs so fine i ran my fingers down her spine i didn't know how but I tried my best i started by...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 11 Responses Aug 23, 2009

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    Single Black Female-

    This is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta journal. Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 8 Responses Jul 17, 2009

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    Blonde Joke

    Why did the blonde wash her head in the sink? Because that is where you are suppose to wash vegetables.
    Arorin Arorin 22-25, M 2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

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    Have you heard the news about corduroy pillows?

    Seems they've been making a lot of headlines.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    Total PC Experience

    Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the "total PC experience" to Macintosh computer users. MS software developers this week announced the latest version of its "Windows for Macintosh" bundle comes with MyDoom, Bagle, SoBig, LovSan...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Oct 28, 2013

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    I work at a plant that makes fire hydrants.

    I can never park anywhere near the place.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    -mouthwash salesman-

    a neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked "sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?" aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!" the salesman seemed hurt and then tries again. "sir, since you are a bit irate, i'll...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 10 Responses Apr 21, 2010

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    Mailboxes-

    This was posted on my local radio station website. Gallery of mailboxes...people are so creative! Check it out. FYI: continue clicking past the advertisements... The one with the mailbox labeled "bills" put up high got me rolling :) http://www.971zht.com/cc-common...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 21, 2009

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    Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his

    dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?” the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. “Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 6

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    Floors-

    A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may vist the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 23, 2009

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    Canine Rehabilitation Upon completion of the

    Canine Rehabilitation courses, the student was granted a dogtorate.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 5, 2013

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    chinese surprise-

    an italian, a scotsman, and a chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. the foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the italian guy, "you're in charge of sweeping." to the scotsman he said, "you're in charge of shoveling." and to the chinese guy, "you're in...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 31, 2010

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    How Observant R U? Quiz

    This is a based on U. S. info, so use all lobes of your brain. There are 25 questions, the average person gets 7 correct. No cheating, be honest. Number your paper from 1 through 25 1. On a standard traffice light, is the green on top or bottom? 2. How many States are there in...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 6 Responses Jul 8, 2009

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    A Good Deal

    A man was stuck in rush hour traffic when a prostitute approaches his car. She says ill do anything you want for $100 but you have to tell me in 3 words or less. He thinks over the offer and says "paint my house"
    Simone1969 Simone1969 41-45, T 1 Response Nov 5, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    3. It’s All About You, Female at Garland Resort: March 5-7. This is the great winter getaway In order for you some journey within the snow. Compensate for your individual...
    Wendolynce106 Wendolynce106 31-35, M 1 Response Aug 30

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    After 30 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 1 Response Aug 19

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    Letter Written Slow A LETTER FROM A WEST VIRGINIA MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER Dear Louanne Ellie Mae, I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 24

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    Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around...
    GeneralRose GeneralRose 18-21, F Aug 30

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    There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, at the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 21

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    What Are You Smuggling? A young man comes up to the border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The border guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 22

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    A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied...
    illusionlife illusionlife 36-40, F Aug 27

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    An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. After a lengthy examination, the doctor sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 6 Responses Sep 2

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    Let's make a joke! Respond to this experience with characters, a lead on where it should go, a punch line, or even a whole joke. The result will hopefully be a brand new joke that...
    Midnightchorus Midnightchorus 18-21, M 3 Responses Aug 31

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    I'm a female studying motor vehicle in college. I was raped in the past and I am still dealing with this. The guys in college all make jokes about rape and I really don't find it...
    HC12345 HC12345 18-21, F 5 days ago

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    An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 19

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    Cool Bumper Stickers! 1) God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier. 2) I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit. 3) I wasn't born a *****. Men like...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 20

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    Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife saying that I’d be home that night; and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man’s arms. Why, dad...
    illusionlife illusionlife 36-40, F 3 Responses Aug 22

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    Here's a few one liners to chew on. I bought a train ticket today and the driver said, 'Eurostar ' 'Well I've been on the TV but I'm no Dean Martin' I then phoned the gym and...
    jason230868 jason230868 36-40, M 2 Responses Aug 22

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    An elderly woman! Decided to prepare Her will and told her preacher she had two Final request. First she wanted to be cremated, and second she wanted her ashes Scattered over...
    Gettingout72 Gettingout72 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 23

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    Lawyer at the Pearly Gates. A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 2 Responses Aug 24

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    Think you're having a bad day! If you think you're having a bad day...read these true stories! 1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 2 Responses Aug 24

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    Guide to buy a man gifts! Rules for Buying Gifts for Men Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Aug 25

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    Farmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 7 Responses Aug 26

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    Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss: "Certainly not!" Assistant: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 27

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