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I Joke of the Week

Jokes/stories/things that just make ur day go by a little faster 64 People

    My First Time-

    the sky was dark the moon was high all alone just she and I her hair was soft her eyes were blue i knew just what she wanted to do her skin so soft her legs so fine i ran my fingers down her spine i didn't know how but I tried my best i started by...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 11 Responses Aug 23, 2009

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    Weight Loss Plan-

    A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 25, 2009

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    A neutron asks the bartender,

    "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "For you- no charge."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    2 Wise Nuns

     There were two nuns.. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the pastthirty-eight...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 9 Responses Jul 14, 2009

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    Canine Rehabilitation Upon completion of the

    Canine Rehabilitation courses, the student was granted a dogtorate.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 5, 2013

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    A Good Deal

    A man was stuck in rush hour traffic when a prostitute approaches his car. She says ill do anything you want for $100 but you have to tell me in 3 words or less. He thinks over the offer and says "paint my house"
    Simone1969 Simone1969 41-45, T 1 Response Nov 5, 2013

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    Why is Sunday, Monday,

    Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, & Saturday not as strong as a Century? Because they are just a little week.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 7

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    Rock Hard Wish-

      Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked it up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man spoke...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 3 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    The Woman's Brains-

    A patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2009

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    True Story-

    Things are not as they appear.   A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 20, 2009

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    Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his

    dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?” the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. “Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 6

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    Floors-

    A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may vist the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 23, 2009

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    dougsmall dougsmall 31-35, M Feb 21

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    2 Chimps & A Blonde-

    Two Chimps and a Blonde A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    Ladies, Gentlemen-

    Ladies read the first part....Men read the rest. A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 24 Responses Oct 27, 2009

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    Mailboxes-

    This was posted on my local radio station website. Gallery of mailboxes...people are so creative! Check it out. FYI: continue clicking past the advertisements... The one with the mailbox labeled "bills" put up high got me rolling :) http://www.971zht.com/cc-common...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 21, 2009

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    Total PC Experience

    Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the "total PC experience" to Macintosh computer users. MS software developers this week announced the latest version of its "Windows for Macintosh" bundle comes with MyDoom, Bagle, SoBig, LovSan...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Oct 28, 2013

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    A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the

    hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 6

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    I work at a plant that makes fire hydrants.

    I can never park anywhere near the place.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    -mouthwash salesman-

    a neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked "sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?" aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!" the salesman seemed hurt and then tries again. "sir, since you are a bit irate, i'll...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 10 Responses Apr 21, 2010

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    How Observant R U? Quiz

    This is a based on U. S. info, so use all lobes of your brain. There are 25 questions, the average person gets 7 correct. No cheating, be honest. Number your paper from 1 through 25 1. On a standard traffice light, is the green on top or bottom? 2. How many States are there in...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 6 Responses Jul 8, 2009

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    Forrest Gump In Heaven

    Enjoy Peeps! It all boils down to how you hear the question. The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven, he is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. However, the gates are closed and as Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper, St. Peter says, "well, Forrest...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 6, 2009

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    Why was the sand wet?

    Because the sea weed.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    Have you heard the news about corduroy pillows?

    Seems they've been making a lot of headlines.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    Single Black Female-

    This is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta journal. Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 8 Responses Jul 17, 2009

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    chinese surprise-

    an italian, a scotsman, and a chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. the foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the italian guy, "you're in charge of sweeping." to the scotsman he said, "you're in charge of shoveling." and to the chinese guy, "you're in...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 31, 2010

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    For The Birds

    I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 10, 2013

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    Blonde Joke

    Why did the blonde wash her head in the sink? Because that is where you are suppose to wash vegetables.
    Arorin Arorin 22-25, M 2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    Such a funny picture joke :) 
    usscalifornia41 usscalifornia41 22-25, M 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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    An Italian Merry Christmas I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents' house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a non-Italian girl to...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 2 Responses Dec 2

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    A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 2

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    A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach.... Luckily the babies(2 girls and a...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 8 Responses Dec 3

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    Danny decided to go skiing with his buddy, Jim. So they loaded up Danny's car and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard and pulled...
    Morningdewdrop Morningdewdrop 70+ 1 Response Dec 3

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    President Barack Obama, surrounded by his normal retinue of Secret Service agents, walks into the Chicago branch office of a regional bank to cash a check. “Good morning, ma’am...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7

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    While hiking in the country, my friend Eve and I spotted a huge bed of mushrooms that we knew to be edible. We gathered a large basketful and sauteed them that night. My husband...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 5 days ago

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    A young man went into a house of ill repute with $20. The Madam told him there was nothing available at the moment. So he started to leave but she stopped him and said for that...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    So I was on Facebook and I saw a post someone made about Eminem rapping about wanting to r*pe Iggy and how it was just a song and that all his raps are about "those types of things...
    ChantelSurvived ChantelSurvived 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 22

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    Q: What is the safest place to be in a zombie apocalypse? A: The living room. Q: Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage? A: Because the jokes he told where rotten. Q...
    Deliciousbrain Deliciousbrain 18-21 1 Response Dec 2

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    I feel like people joke about it because it's an uncomfortable subject, and they don't know how else to handle it. That is ABSOLUTELY NO excuse, just a reason that someone might...
    Boulier Boulier 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    Warning!!! This is a mean joke. If you don't like mean jokes, stop reading now..... A single woman goes to a grocery store on a Saturday night. She's buying some, you know...
    danc3rz danc3rz 31-35, F 3 Responses Nov 22

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    Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently airport security doesn't appreciate it when you yell "shotgun!" before boarding the plane.
    danc3rz danc3rz 31-35, F 5 Responses Nov 23

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    A Fruitful Confession Paddy goes to confession and says to the priest, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. It's been three weeks since my last confession, and in that time I have...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 23

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    I apologies in advance but I did laugh at this one Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. When he came back,his glasses were smashed,he had a broken wrist,a...
    mzkayz mzkayz 31-35, F 1 Response Nov 24

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    The Golf Ball and the Sand Wedge....... A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 2 Responses Nov 24

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    - Sex? - Seven to eleven times a week. - No, no... I mean male or female? - No difference, male, female, sometimes camel - Holy cow! - Yes, cow too, but also sheep, all kinds of...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses Nov 25

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    Two ladies talk: - I have congratulated my husband with his birthday - I presented him with the set of spoon-baits - What a great idea and logic idea - your husband has been...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response Nov 25

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    RHYMING RIDDLES ARE THE BEST An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the *** is a goose. DIRT ROAD Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road...
    mother1983 mother1983 31-35, F 4 Responses Nov 26

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