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I Joke of the Week

Jokes/stories/things that just make ur day go by a little faster 65 People

    Forrest Gump In Heaven

    Enjoy Peeps! It all boils down to how you hear the question. The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven, he is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. However, the gates are closed and as Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper, St. Peter says, "well, Forrest...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 6, 2009

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    Canine Rehabilitation Upon completion of the

    Canine Rehabilitation courses, the student was granted a dogtorate.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 5, 2013

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    My First Time-

    the sky was dark the moon was high all alone just she and I her hair was soft her eyes were blue i knew just what she wanted to do her skin so soft her legs so fine i ran my fingers down her spine i didn't know how but I tried my best i started by...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 11 Responses Aug 23, 2009

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    chinese surprise-

    an italian, a scotsman, and a chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. the foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the italian guy, "you're in charge of sweeping." to the scotsman he said, "you're in charge of shoveling." and to the chinese guy, "you're in...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 31, 2010

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    Why was the sand wet?

    Because the sea weed.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    Weight Loss Plan-

    A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 25, 2009

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    Have you heard the news about corduroy pillows?

    Seems they've been making a lot of headlines.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    -mouthwash salesman-

    a neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked "sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?" aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!" the salesman seemed hurt and then tries again. "sir, since you are a bit irate, i'll...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 10 Responses Apr 21, 2010

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    Rock Hard Wish-

      Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked it up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man spoke...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 3 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    Blonde Joke

    Why did the blonde wash her head in the sink? Because that is where you are suppose to wash vegetables.
    Arorin Arorin 22-25, M 2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

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    How Observant R U? Quiz

    This is a based on U. S. info, so use all lobes of your brain. There are 25 questions, the average person gets 7 correct. No cheating, be honest. Number your paper from 1 through 25 1. On a standard traffice light, is the green on top or bottom? 2. How many States are there in...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 6 Responses Jul 8, 2009

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    True Story-

    Things are not as they appear.   A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 20, 2009

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    Single Black Female-

    This is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta journal. Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 8 Responses Jul 17, 2009

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    For The Birds

    I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 10, 2013

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    dougsmall dougsmall 31-35, M Feb 21

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    Total PC Experience

    Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the "total PC experience" to Macintosh computer users. MS software developers this week announced the latest version of its "Windows for Macintosh" bundle comes with MyDoom, Bagle, SoBig, LovSan...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Oct 28, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    I work at a plant that makes fire hydrants.

    I can never park anywhere near the place.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his

    dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?” the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. “Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 6

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    Why is Sunday, Monday,

    Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, & Saturday not as strong as a Century? Because they are just a little week.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 7

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    Ladies, Gentlemen-

    Ladies read the first part....Men read the rest. A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 24 Responses Oct 27, 2009

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    Mailboxes-

    This was posted on my local radio station website. Gallery of mailboxes...people are so creative! Check it out. FYI: continue clicking past the advertisements... The one with the mailbox labeled "bills" put up high got me rolling :) http://www.971zht.com/cc-common...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 21, 2009

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    Floors-

    A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may vist the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 23, 2009

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    A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the

    hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 6

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    2 Wise Nuns

     There were two nuns.. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the pastthirty-eight...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 9 Responses Jul 14, 2009

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    A neutron asks the bartender,

    "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "For you- no charge."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    The Woman's Brains-

    A patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 11 Responses Aug 28, 2009

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    A Good Deal

    A man was stuck in rush hour traffic when a prostitute approaches his car. She says ill do anything you want for $100 but you have to tell me in 3 words or less. He thinks over the offer and says "paint my house"
    Simone1969 Simone1969 41-45, T 1 Response Nov 5, 2013

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    2 Chimps & A Blonde-

    Two Chimps and a Blonde A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do...
    ShadowofDoubt ShadowofDoubt 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    Related Experiences

    Dirty Joke: So there were these two co-workers that were nearing the end of a rough week at work, and they wanted nothing more than to blow off some steam after their shift ended...
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    How to handle telemarketers. One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 27

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    well, this week was really buys and awful...i was deeply sad and kinda let down... oh, here i have to excuse a new friend, he knows, i wasn't kind to him at our first conversation...
    Martin7470 Martin7470 18-21, M 57 mins ago

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    I was driving in the US when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for speeding, even though I knew I wasn’t. Just to be sure, I went...
    restored87 restored87 46-50, F 3 Responses Jul 30

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    We all love a good joke. And recycled jokes are wonderful. When we hear a god joke we want to share it. We laughed and we want to see others laugh. And there's always that...
    FriendlyBryan FriendlyBryan 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 9

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    Here is a nice joke for you. A 15 year old boy is visiting a chemist shop with his father. As his father is making the purchase, the boy is fascinated by the display of the Durex...
    Lindop69 Lindop69 66-70, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 days ago

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    “Hey guys who wants to hear a blonde joke?” Said a blind old man after settling himself down on a stool in the bar. The question was met with dead silent After a few second...
    sleepynudy sleepynudy 41-45, M a week ago

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    Phone rings.... GIRL: Hello GUY: My love how are you doing? GIRL: i am fine. GUY: Will you be free during the weekend, would you like to come to my house? GIRL: I am sorry hun I...
    imawarrior7 imawarrior7 18-21, M 1 Response Jul 21

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    A poor minister was having trouble managing his church. The income was pitiful, the plumbing rattled, the roof leaked, the air conditioning didn't work, and the church didn't have...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F Jul 22

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    The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 3 Responses Aug 10

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    An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least...
    BigAsset BigAsset 36-40, M 6 Responses Aug 11

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    9 Months Later Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Religious jokes are my favorite kind of jokes They make me literally LOL and brighten up my days a little What's your favorite kind of jokes?
    AutoLove0 AutoLove0 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 3

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    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Steve says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response Jul 22

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    A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes. Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!". The 5 KINGS that make people...
    vijay14 vijay14 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 22

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    A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response Jul 22

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    A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Jeff's neighborhood. "How often a week do you sleep with your wife?" asked the inquirer. "Three times," Jeff said without...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M Jul 22

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    There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 4 Responses Jul 22

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    Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response Jul 23

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    A Teenager is... A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number. A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast. A...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 3 Responses Jul 23

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