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I Joke Or Saying of the Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 54 People

    Ten O'clock Tee Time

    A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 25, 2013

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    Nun and Taxi Guy

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.     She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.     He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 18 Responses Feb 19, 2008

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    Bestie Sent This to Me Yesterday. Lol

    For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free... Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage
    HeavenBesideYou HeavenBesideYou 41-45, F 6 Responses Aug 12, 2008

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    The Old Man and the Cop

      A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car saleroom.         Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew...
    RioMan123 RioMan123 46-50 4 Responses Jun 24, 2008

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    LMAO - I Found This and Had to Share It!!

    WARNING FOR ALL WOMEN ! This is a heads up to those friends who haven't experienced it yet, and an explanation to those friends and family who have. Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the...
    AWUK AWUK 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 31, 2008

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    Now I Know....

    This is interesting... Believe it or not. Woman has a man on it; Mrs. has Mr on it; FEMALE has male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam on it; No wonder men always want to be inside women!   MEN were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their...
    evergreen evergreen 31-35, F 3 Responses Apr 15, 2008

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    The Tombstone

    A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 6, 2013

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    Ok I Got One.

    A man walked into a restaurant followed by an ostrich. The man said “I'll have a hamburger and french fries”. The ostrich said “I'll have the same”. The waitress gave the man the bill, which was $9.40, and, to the waitresses amazement, the man reached into...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 55 Responses May 14, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    Guess Who's The Bride?

    A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    The Feather Dancer

    “The feather dancer was rushed to the hospital. Her boa constricted her.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 2, 2013

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 2 Responses Apr 15, 2008

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    BRAKPAN Chicks!

    BRAKPAN CHICKS! A Brakpan girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the half deaf worker. "No" she replies. "...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 8 Responses Feb 19, 2008

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    Do You Want Some Meat Loaf ??

    hay mom, the f****n meat loaf!, f***!!
    MickDundeeFromAustralia MickDundeeFromAustralia 22-25, M Jul 25, 2012

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    The Wall Street Journal

    Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal? He heard it had great circulation...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    Hacker Syndrome

    There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me. Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Sep 7, 2013

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    Joke Of The Day

    “The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    The Nervous Traveler

    “I’ve never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you? “All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Sep 8, 2013

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    Blond Guy Joke

    An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20 th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 6 Responses Feb 18, 2008

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    Take Off.

    All the passengers were boarded, and seated on an international airline flight. They all watched as the pilots came aboard. Both wearing dark glasses....One with a white cane with red tip, bumping it along, the other with a "seeing eye" dog....Nervously, they watched...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 4 Responses May 14, 2008

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    First Grade Teacher.

    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 5 Responses May 14, 2008

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    Angel's Food Vs. Devil's Food

    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Oct 25, 2013

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    Needles Are Not Nice

    Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. "Why are you crying?" Bob asked. "I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill. "So? Are you afraid?" "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. As Bob heard this, he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 25, 2013

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    New Study

    New Sex Study...   It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is   a doggie position.   The husband sits up and begs.   The wife rolls over and plays dead. 
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 7 Responses Jan 31, 2008

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    Saying of the Day... Really True

    God created ******* so that woman could moan, even if they are happy....
    Ella06 Ella06 18-21, F Apr 16, 2008

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    Cargo Trucks

    “To make sure cargo trucks aren't too heavy, police operate on the principle that where there's a wheel there's a weigh.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    Italian Girl.......

    A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. > >> > >> Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good > >> trip. > >> The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 12, 2008

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    3 Nuns

    Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be The first nun says, "I want...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 7 Responses Jan 31, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    Doug Floyd

    You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Doug Floyd
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M Oct 23, 2013

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    QOTD 4 August 12, 2008

    When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks.             -- Bob Dylan Anyone can be an idealist. Anyone can be a cynic. The hard part lies...
    fungirlmmm fungirlmmm 41-45, F 4 Responses Aug 12, 2008

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    A Beautiful Saying

    There are two lasting bequestswe can give our childrenOne of these is roots;the other, wings.Hodding Carter
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M Dec 27, 2011

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    Related Experiences

    Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife saying that I’d be home that night; and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man’s arms. Why, dad...
    illusionlife illusionlife 36-40, F 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Hey I just wanted to check if I have this or if im doing the google diagnosis thing, I tend to worry a lot in the past I’ve self-diagnosed myself with gingivitis and Asperger...
    baddancer baddancer 22-25, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    How to handle telemarketers. One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 27

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    Mother Knows Best John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 27

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    Want to talk to someone I can joke around with and be sarcastic!!!! Age 14-17
    Cookiemonster31 Cookiemonster31 13-15, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    'Don't you think "g-spot" would make a good name for a nightclub?' a man joked to his girlfriend as they were driving along. 'Hmm, ... huh! I doubt it would be very busy,' the...
    jenga1 jenga1 46-50, F 4 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Two men were arrested in the earlier hours of today. One was reported to be carrying a flat battery , the other a unexploded bomb! The Police charged one and let the other off...
    interlink2 interlink2 51-55, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    If your walls could talk what would they say? The walls of my childhood bedrooms would tell a story of a seemingly normal boy, regular life, loving family, but he partook in an odd...
    drpepper666 drpepper666 26-30, M Aug 4

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    Single Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    Fruits of Love The newlyweds stopped at a farm house and made a deal to bed down for the night. By noon the next day they still weren't up, so the farmer yelled for them to come...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 8 hrs ago

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    I'm almost always distracted.I was grown in a pretty problematic family and beaten by them a lot, and remember my very first daydreams as a child were about "me making traps...
    SorryWhatDidYouSay SorryWhatDidYouSay 22-25 Aug 3

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    50 things to do at Walmart 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F a week ago

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    apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and follow them up by saying "ah, i guess you had to be there" -badum tss
    mike8989 mike8989 22-25, M Jul 28

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    A woman is walking on the road... A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Aug 7

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    What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep...
    BigAsset BigAsset 36-40, M 6 Responses a week ago

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    Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M Jul 23

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    Religious jokes are my favorite kind of jokes They make me literally LOL and brighten up my days a little What's your favorite kind of jokes?
    AutoLove0 AutoLove0 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 3

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    We all love a good joke. And recycled jokes are wonderful. When we hear a god joke we want to share it. We laughed and we want to see others laugh. And there's always that...
    FriendlyBryan FriendlyBryan 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 9

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