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I Joke Or Saying of the Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 50 People

    Doug Floyd

    You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Doug Floyd
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M Oct 23, 2013

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 2 Responses Apr 15, 2008

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    A Beautiful Saying

    There are two lasting bequestswe can give our childrenOne of these is roots;the other, wings.Hodding Carter
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M Dec 27, 2011

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    Take Off.

    All the passengers were boarded, and seated on an international airline flight. They all watched as the pilots came aboard. Both wearing dark glasses....One with a white cane with red tip, bumping it along, the other with a "seeing eye" dog....Nervously, they watched...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 4 Responses May 14, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    LMAO - I Found This and Had to Share It!!

    WARNING FOR ALL WOMEN ! This is a heads up to those friends who haven't experienced it yet, and an explanation to those friends and family who have. Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the...
    AWUK AWUK 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 31, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    Blond Guy Joke

    An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20 th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 6 Responses Feb 18, 2008

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    Italian Girl.......

    A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. > >> > >> Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good > >> trip. > >> The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 12, 2008

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    Ten O'clock Tee Time

    A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 25, 2013

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    Hacker Syndrome

    There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me. Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Sep 7, 2013

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    Do You Want Some Meat Loaf ??

    hay mom, the f****n meat loaf!, f***!!
    MickDundeeFromAustralia MickDundeeFromAustralia 22-25, M Jul 25, 2012

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    Bestie Sent This to Me Yesterday. Lol

    For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free... Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage
    HeavenBesideYou HeavenBesideYou 41-45, F 6 Responses Aug 12, 2008

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    Nun and Taxi Guy

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.     She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.     He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 18 Responses Feb 19, 2008

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    The Nervous Traveler

    “I’ve never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you? “All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Sep 8, 2013

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    Saying of the Day... Really True

    God created ******* so that woman could moan, even if they are happy....
    Ella06 Ella06 18-21, F Apr 16, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    Guess Who's The Bride?

    A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    3 Nuns

    Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be The first nun says, "I want...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 7 Responses Jan 31, 2008

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    Angel's Food Vs. Devil's Food

    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Oct 25, 2013

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    The Tombstone

    A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 6, 2013

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    The Old Man and the Cop

      A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car saleroom.         Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew...
    RioMan123 RioMan123 46-50 3 Responses Jun 24, 2008

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    The Wall Street Journal

    Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal? He heard it had great circulation...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    New Study

    New Sex Study...   It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is   a doggie position.   The husband sits up and begs.   The wife rolls over and plays dead. 
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 7 Responses Jan 31, 2008

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    QOTD 4 August 12, 2008

    When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks.             -- Bob Dylan Anyone can be an idealist. Anyone can be a cynic. The hard part lies...
    fungirlmmm fungirlmmm 41-45, F 4 Responses Aug 12, 2008

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    Joke Of The Day

    “The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    Ok I Got One.

    A man walked into a restaurant followed by an ostrich. The man said “I'll have a hamburger and french fries”. The ostrich said “I'll have the same”. The waitress gave the man the bill, which was $9.40, and, to the waitresses amazement, the man reached into...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 55 Responses May 14, 2008

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    BRAKPAN Chicks!

    BRAKPAN CHICKS! A Brakpan girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the half deaf worker. "No" she replies. "...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 8 Responses Feb 19, 2008

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    First Grade Teacher.

    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 5 Responses May 14, 2008

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    Cargo Trucks

    “To make sure cargo trucks aren't too heavy, police operate on the principle that where there's a wheel there's a weigh.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    The Feather Dancer

    “The feather dancer was rushed to the hospital. Her boa constricted her.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 2, 2013

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    Needles Are Not Nice

    Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. "Why are you crying?" Bob asked. "I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill. "So? Are you afraid?" "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. As Bob heard this, he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 25, 2013

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    Now I Know....

    This is interesting... Believe it or not. Woman has a man on it; Mrs. has Mr on it; FEMALE has male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam on it; No wonder men always want to be inside women!   MEN were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their...
    evergreen evergreen 31-35, F 3 Responses Apr 15, 2008

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    Related Experiences

    Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 4 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 1 Response 25 mins ago

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    1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 20 mins ago

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    John invited his mother over for dinner one evening. During the meal, she couldn’t help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was. She had been suspicious of a relationship...
    Mike9272 Mike9272 41-45, M Nov 21

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    when the teacher entered into the class she saw a picture of p*nis drawn on the board, with out saying any thing she rub it off and started the class, next day she found a little...
    nazimemirates nazimemirates 41-45, M Dec 6

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    Is there where we can say anything at all but it's ok because we're "just saying"....
    twowheelbanditwife twowheelbanditwife 31-35, F 14 hrs ago

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    “Where there is love there is life.” ― Mahatma Gandhi .. isn't it a great saying..
    yashwith yashwith 22-25, M 6 hrs ago

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    If could just get you to SHUT THE **** UP.....Why arent you saying anything?
    orchids2blu orchids2blu 36-40, F 1 Response 30 mins ago

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    to all u people that want to to know how it felt and wanna joke about me.. u bout to find out...... I was hanging with the wrong people and go left alone with one and he said he...
    cattie1283 cattie1283 18-21, F a week ago

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    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think...
    alexgabriel alexgabriel 22-25, M 13 Responses Dec 8

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    Mr. Wilson comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. "I have great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Bad Parrott A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth...
    actionjake actionjake 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 24

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    A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 3 Responses Dec 5

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    Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Are You A Doctor?: A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, and goes blue in the face. The father...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Nov 30

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    Baaaaad Parrot ! A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude...
    kay0122 kay0122 41-45, F 4 Responses Nov 20

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