A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time...
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all
led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go
back to earth and be anyone you wish to be
The first nun says, "I want...
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free... Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be...
A Brakpan girl walks into the local dry cleaners.
She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the half deaf worker.
"No" she replies. "...
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry...
There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.
Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to...
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20 th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off...
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three...
When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks.
-- Bob Dylan
Anyone can be an idealist. Anyone can be a cynic. The hard part lies...
A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car saleroom.
Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing!' he thought as he flew...
This is interesting...
Believe it or not.
Woman has a man on it;
Mrs. has Mr on it;
FEMALE has male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam on it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!
MEN were born between the legs of a woman,
yet men spend all their...
A man walked into a restaurant followed by an ostrich. The man said “I'll have a hamburger and french fries”. The ostrich said “I'll have the same”. The waitress gave the man the bill, which was $9.40, and, to the waitresses amazement, the man reached into...
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't
want to offend you...
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he...
All the passengers were boarded, and seated on an international airline flight. They all watched as the pilots came aboard. Both wearing dark glasses....One with a white cane with red tip, bumping it along, the other with a "seeing eye" dog....Nervously, they watched...
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
> >> Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good
> >> trip.
> >> The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me...