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I Joke Or Saying of the Day

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 50 People

    3 Nuns

    Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be The first nun says, "I want...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 7 Responses Jan 31, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    A Beautiful Saying

    There are two lasting bequestswe can give our childrenOne of these is roots;the other, wings.Hodding Carter
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M Dec 27, 2011

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    The Old Man and the Cop

      A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car saleroom.         Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew...
    RioMan123 RioMan123 46-50 3 Responses Jun 24, 2008

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    Bestie Sent This to Me Yesterday. Lol

    For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free... Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage
    HeavenBesideYou HeavenBesideYou 41-45, F 6 Responses Aug 12, 2008

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    The Feather Dancer

    “The feather dancer was rushed to the hospital. Her boa constricted her.”
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Nov 2, 2013

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    The Wall Street Journal

    Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal? He heard it had great circulation...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    Cargo Trucks

    “To make sure cargo trucks aren't too heavy, police operate on the principle that where there's a wheel there's a weigh.”
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    The Tombstone

    A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Sep 6, 2013

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    Saying of the Day... Really True

    God created ******* so that woman could moan, even if they are happy....
    Ella06 Ella06 18-21, F Apr 16, 2008

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    New Study

    New Sex Study...   It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is   a doggie position.   The husband sits up and begs.   The wife rolls over and plays dead. 
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 7 Responses Jan 31, 2008

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    First Grade Teacher.

    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 5 Responses May 14, 2008

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    Ok I Got One.

    A man walked into a restaurant followed by an ostrich. The man said “I'll have a hamburger and french fries”. The ostrich said “I'll have the same”. The waitress gave the man the bill, which was $9.40, and, to the waitresses amazement, the man reached into...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 55 Responses May 14, 2008

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    Angel's Food Vs. Devil's Food

    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response Oct 25, 2013

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    Hacker Syndrome

    There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me. Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response Sep 7, 2013

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    Ten O'clock Tee Time

    A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Oct 25, 2013

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    Blond Guy Joke

    An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20 th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 6 Responses Feb 18, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 2 Responses Apr 15, 2008

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    Take Off.

    All the passengers were boarded, and seated on an international airline flight. They all watched as the pilots came aboard. Both wearing dark glasses....One with a white cane with red tip, bumping it along, the other with a "seeing eye" dog....Nervously, they watched...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 4 Responses May 14, 2008

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    Now I Know....

    This is interesting... Believe it or not. Woman has a man on it; Mrs. has Mr on it; FEMALE has male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam on it; No wonder men always want to be inside women!   MEN were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their...
    evergreen evergreen 31-35, F 3 Responses Apr 15, 2008

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    The Nervous Traveler

    “I’ve never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you? “All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!”
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response Sep 8, 2013

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    BRAKPAN Chicks!

    BRAKPAN CHICKS! A Brakpan girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the half deaf worker. "No" she replies. "...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 8 Responses Feb 19, 2008

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    Doug Floyd

    You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Doug Floyd
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M Oct 23, 2013

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    Do You Want Some Meat Loaf ??

    hay mom, the f****n meat loaf!, f***!!
    MickDundeeFromAustralia MickDundeeFromAustralia 22-25, M Jul 25, 2012

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    Joke Of The Day

    “The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast.”
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    Needles Are Not Nice

    Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. "Why are you crying?" Bob asked. "I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill. "So? Are you afraid?" "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. As Bob heard this, he...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Oct 25, 2013

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    QOTD 4 August 12, 2008

    When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks.             -- Bob Dylan Anyone can be an idealist. Anyone can be a cynic. The hard part lies...
    fungirlmmm fungirlmmm 41-45, F 4 Responses Aug 12, 2008

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    I Made This Up and Am Sadly Proud of It

    I called the police this morning to report an intruder. There was an old man in my mirror.  
    jake1956 jake1956 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 15, 2008

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    Nun and Taxi Guy

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.     She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.     He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 18 Responses Feb 19, 2008

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    Guess Who's The Bride?

    A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    Italian Girl.......

    A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. > >> > >> Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good > >> trip. > >> The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me...
    only4me only4me 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 12, 2008

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    Related Experiences

    Ugh, it's so hard in school. I keep daydreaming and thinking about life and the whole universe and how it connects while my teacher is explaining a project. 😖 Oops...
    Smolpan Smolpan 16-17, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    Day One, "Without You"- Breaking Benjmin
    SonofPaddy121 SonofPaddy121 18-21, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    Day 8 chase and status   
    RolexRush RolexRush 31-35, F 4 hrs ago

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    Most days unfortunately Sigh
    JustBipolarMe JustBipolarMe 46-50, M 8 hrs ago

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    Yup Six out of seven Or eleven out of twelve Or 97 out of 100 Why Well Society went crazy Then called me crazy for saying so And put me on bad meds That...
    JustBipolarMe JustBipolarMe 46-50, M 8 hrs ago

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    I always delete posts because I don't feel the same as a few hours/days/weeks/months ago. Lol
    YoureHighness YoureHighness 18-21, F 12 hrs ago

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    I just feel like a joke cause of my bipolar and speech impediment and nerve damage. No one takes me seriously
    krazkcatlady3085 krazkcatlady3085 26-30, F 16 hrs ago

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    see? i'm blonde so i can tell these jokes lol :Pa blonde, a redhead and a brunette were all lost in the desert. they found a lamp and rubbed it. a genie popped out and granted them...
    LillyJo LillyJo 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    These are two stories of one of my class periods inside jokes from this month and not my own, but whatever. A few days ago during math, we were talking about the lesson and our...
    Lcy2472 Lcy2472 13-15, F 3 days ago

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    A German woman married an American gentleman born in Virginia and they lived happily ever after in his home town. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Where's a good place to get a joke/riddle book? Does anyone have an author or title? I love jokes, but I have a hard time remembering them. My family likes to share them and I...
    Nikkisela Nikkisela 61-65, F 4 Responses