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I Keep A Lot Locked Up Inside

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 3,366 People

    My Life Story

    I know you probably don't care, but I'm going to tell you my story anyways. I really need to tell someone this... When I was young (elementary age) my mother overprotected me, but she also verbally abused me, making me feel very self-conscious, and very sensitive, so I cry...
    unisondream unisondream 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 16, 2012

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    I can't talk to him. He always gets mad at me.

    He never compliments me ever. No, "you have a beautiful smile" no "I love your eyes" I always have to ask... Today he said he hates sex. He said it was because of his ex...I know he doesn't love me. I'm just his back up so he isn't alone...before we got back together he was...
    moomoocrew moomoocrew 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 19

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    Pain? What Pain?

    I am frightfully good at bottling up my emotions and forgetting bad memories. I hate facing my pain, it scares me senseless. I do all that I can to avoid the topic with friends and family. It's sick. I'm sick. But I do not foresee this changing, ever.
    Vellamo Vellamo 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 22, 2011

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    I use to have a very close best friend

    but she dropped me in high school for some other people she thought was her friends but they turned on her but since I'm not mean I let her be my friend again it I don't trust her and she will never be close to me again, I mainly just tolerate her just until I find something...
    sisi19 sisi19 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 12, 2013

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    I have always kept to myself,

    hiding if I was sad or mad, i shut out my emotions to hide my weakness and insecurities. The kids at school smile and laugh with me when I am falling apart at the seams, but if I told, They would think me as weak. I realized, the key to happiness is to lower your expectations.
    gardenngnostic gardenngnostic 16-17, F Feb 16

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    My Happy Facade...

    I use to go to work every day and whenever someone would ask me how I was doing(you know, in that small talk "how's the weather" kind of way), I would always say I was ok, good, fine. Even on the days when I felt a little sick or tired or wished that I had called off that day...
    ChicagoBlues ChicagoBlues 36-40, M 2 Responses Jan 5, 2011

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    Sometimes you just have to keep it in Not

    share Not care Just lock it up And keep moving forward. Don't dwell on the negative Put it behind you. Move to the next phase In life Time to let it go
    chastewhisperer chastewhisperer 41-45, F Jan 7

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    No-one Knows The Real Me....

    As I always put on a mask around others. I pretend that I am happy and cheerful and I pretend I do a lot socially when in fact I don't have a social life or friends. I work with kids and so I have to be happy, it comes with the job title. Nobody knows how I really feel, not the...
    Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F May 14, 2011

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    Please Don't Linger. My Thoughts Like To Bite!

    I suppose since my wife and I finally had the heart to heart after every fight it is time I open up to everyone. I keep a lot inside. Most people who see me think of me as that goofy guy who is always smiling and dancing at work. I tell jokes and enthusiastically wave to...
    MasterAzrich MasterAzrich 31-35, M Aug 3, 2013

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    There is a lot of things I don't tell people.

    Mostly things about my depression. The only person I tell everything to is my (one) friend. She always lets me talk to her and listens, no matter what time it is. It can be 4 in the morning and I can knock on her window (we live right next to each other) and she'll let me in and...
    Rebent1101 Rebent1101 13-15, M Apr 6

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    I Try To Hide My Emotions But It Never Really Works Because I Vent

    i vent on here a lot so my family won't know that all the smiles i put on my face are really fake.i want them to be happy, so i fake my own happiness sometimes. sometimes i am actually happy but most of the time i am not. if i hold it all in for too long though it bust out like...
    Caitlinsmith1636 Caitlinsmith1636 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 24, 2013

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    She is gone and with her

    so many good years of my life. It would have been easier had I lost her to death, but no...I lost her to another man. Someone she barely knew. He promised that he could love her more than me. I have to laugh at the "Prince Charming" who swooped in to steal the heart I saved...
    vincentriver09 vincentriver09 31-35, M 1 Response Jan 30

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    So much bottled up because I'm afraid of

    who it will change something or how someone will react or how it will change someone's view of me. I have a complete hidden self from my family
    secretlyfelix secretlyfelix 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 1

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    A Fragment Of My Life That Has Faded Colors...

    Its been 7 years since then..I don't know why it creeps back to my mind just like that, or haunt my dreams..or is it more appropriate to refer to it as 'nightmares'? Although I would rather treasure it as a dream. But when I wake up with those thoughts back in my mind, I have no...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 28, 2010

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    What'S The Point.

    I'm sure no one wants to hear all this :-/ I wish I was dead. Only reason I'm not Well cause people tell me that I'm selfish for thinking about it. That if I kill myself it will hurt others 10x worse then I'm hurting Am I suppose to go through days hurting, crying, and...
    Abb50 Abb50 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 9, 2013

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    I keep to myself alot most people

    who know me usually describe me alot but very few of them get it right there is so much about me that they don't know sometimes I want to share with people the real me but I never get the courage to expose myself to them
    Phillis93 Phillis93 18-21, F Dec 19, 2013

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    I don't bother anyone

    but people seem to always want to bother me ... I guess I am always going to be a target ... I keep things in because people always assuming before asking me stuff.
    PupLuv09 PupLuv09 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 19, 2013

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    The Quiet Ones Always Explode... (smashed)

    The title is something my band teacher at school told me once. I had always been quiet. Held everything in. Barely talked to anyone, yet somehow had a lot of friends. One day my sister and her friends were making me really mad, ganging up on me. So the next day I told a few...
    KristenRS KristenRS 13-15, F Oct 22, 2012

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    Masks

    Masks We’re all wearing lies Lies that hide our eyes Lies that hide our pain Lies that hide our shame The lies are not told The lies are not word Quite the contrary The lies are shown We wear them on our faces We wear them with a smile We wear are little lies As soon as the...
    princess41993 princess41993 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 25, 2011

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    For one it just takes too much energy.

    I no longer have the energy to talk about anything. I am tired all the time and I don't need to uncover everything I'm feeling. I used to be open with the people I am close to but talking doesn't change anything. So I stopped. I know I need to face what feel to get past it but I...
    tarynjamie tarynjamie 13-15, F 1 Response Mar 8

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    I don't really see the point in telling anyone,

    they just end up saying your be alright and I just can't. 😔
    Cloclo1234 Cloclo1234 13-15, F 2 Responses Feb 25

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    I'Ve Changed...

    Over the past few years, I have been battling depression. I was in denial for a very long time until I was finally able to admit it recently. But I haven't been able to fully admit it, especially to someone else. In fact, this is probably my deepest secret and I haven't told...
    simplyaly simplyaly 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 13, 2013

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    sisi19 sisi19 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 11, 2013

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    I keep sooo much inside.

    There's so damn much that I carry on my shoulders. And no one knows about it. My counselor knows a little but not everything. She has atleast secrecy, so I'm not worried about her. It's everyone else I'm afraid of. And everything would be a disaster if it came out. Believe me, I...
    Milliesangel Milliesangel 13-15, F 2 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    Guilty!!! Always have

    and probably always will..well I mean until I start crying histarically because I kept it in so long
    deven38 deven38 18-21, F Jan 1

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    I have a hard time expressing my feelings

    and most of the time my words don't come out how I want them to so I just keep it inside hoping that things will get better.
    kaylinrae kaylinrae 22-25, F 1 Response Dec 16, 2013

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    Today was a good day,

    let a little more out than normal!! Feeling good about it!
    Froggy420 Froggy420 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 16

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    Im So Used To It.

    I dont even realise when im lying anymore. I have been hiding my feelings and pretending I was ok for so many years. Someone I was dating didnt even know I was depressed. I wish I could show my feelings but usually I cant cry in front of someone I dont want to look weak and I...
    MysteriousShadow MysteriousShadow 18-21, F Nov 12, 2013

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    I can say it everyday in the mirror to myself,

    and I still wouldn't believe it. I'll never be over you. This is something I thought I would never admit. I never thought I'd fall in love with someone much less someone like you. The worse part is knowing I meant everything I said to you that night. I would marry you, without a...
    Wrongfullover Wrongfullover 22-25, F Apr 3

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    uhhidk uhhidk 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 25

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    I have a tendency to keep things bottled up

    inside. I do this quite well. People say it's not healthy, but its never been a problem. If I can help people deal with their own issues then I dont have to deal with mine. I guess I also feel like people have their own problems and don't need to be bothered with my...
    sanchez77 sanchez77 36-40, M Feb 5

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    People don't really care.

    They just tell you everything will be okay in the end. Saying things like that just makes everything worse so I hold it in and bottle it up
    drewskieee drewskieee 16-17, M 1 Response Mar 3

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    I sometimes feel like I just can't talk to

    anyone about my problems because I either feel like I'm overreacting or I can't trust them to keep it between us.
    eque5trian eque5trian 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 14

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    I keep my feeling hidden

    because I feel that if I express them people will not like me and my personality. But, then I think and I know that what ever they have to say does not matter, only what I think of myself will count
    starburst44 starburst44 13-15, F 1 Response Mar 6

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    Under Lock And Key

    I hold so much stuff inside, mainly to protect myself from being hurt and because i am protecting the very ones that hurt me and have made my mind ''messy''. Sometimes i want to scream and shout and tell the world that i was the one that was the victim, but instead i let them...
    deadinsideout deadinsideout 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 5, 2013

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    I still do this... I keep everything locked up

    until I explode, which when I do explode all I do is cry my eyes out and be angry at everyone! It really hurts me and takes away my happiness.
    iliketobealone iliketobealone 13-15, F 2 Responses Dec 5, 2013

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    I Walk Alone

    I walk alone like one of you, I feel the pain of only few. You look at me you see a smile, its disapears after a while. I let you think that im ok, but im not together in any way. I saw war and blood around, i prayed for peace to be found. I hear vengence wherever i go, you want...
    misshideaway misshideaway 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 16, 2012

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    I'm pretty sure this is

    why I my down on occasion. I am in a relationship where I am not "allowed" to discuss some things. Major topics are considered off limits. I carry a lot of pain. Occasionally, that burden gets too much to bear alone. I either melt down completely or I seek out someone to share...
    ImBatmanNow ImBatmanNow 51-55, M 1 Response Feb 9

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    I've never been one, really,

    to wear my emotions on my sleeves. If something is truly bothering me, I usually don't talk about it with anyone because I hate being vulnerable in front of people. When I was 14, my cousin died in a car accident. When we went up for his funeral, my father was walking me to the...
    mostofall mostofall 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 17, 2013

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    I Usually Have To

    I can't usually talk to friends when I feel upset because I am afraid of annoying them, and driving them away. I've already done that before, and I don't need to be doing that again.
    emipurple emipurple 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2013

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    Except Here

    Keeping things locked up inside is standard operating procedure for me. Throughout my life, I have had many many friends. I've been blessed to know some very fine people and have spent countless hours enjoying their company in wonderful discussions. I've been praised as a...
    Bfinally Bfinally 46-50, M 3 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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    Can I?

    Can i just buy a machine gun and shot something a lot? Did this day really have to suck this badly? I literally want to just leave. To just be like screw school, screw people, screw family. And just leave maybe make some stupid decisions and live off of gas station food. Moving...
    treegurl94 treegurl94 16-17, F Nov 4, 2013

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    Stoic

    So, I grew up with a "Drill Sergeant" for a dad.....not a very positive environment to be raised in. As a result I've noticed that I have difficulty expressing my true feelings. I'm the type of person that will bottle things up until i explode. Luckily I've found ways to "vent...
    Dil77 Dil77 26-30, M Nov 20, 2013

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    Why Do I Ask Permission?

    Why do I give you authority? Why do I let you rule my life? Why do I submit to you tyrannic reign? Are you the master of knowledge? Am I out of my senses? Do I need ruler? Why do I deal with it when I don't have to? I ain't your sex slave. I ain't your toy. And you ain't my...
    treegurl94 treegurl94 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 7, 2013

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    I certainly have quite a size able past.

    .. I am pretty messed up but what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger :D
    richierich22 richierich22 16-17, M Jan 7

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    Done.

    It all started last Christmas. Now before it wasn't that bad but on Christmas morning I realized I was done with life. I believe that if I didn't drop that glass it wouldn't have happened. I was helping my mother set the table for the big breakfast we were going to have. But by...
    CaitiCait1570 CaitiCait1570 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 29, 2013

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    My feelings, negative,

    towards other people...that if shared, would make it more difficult for me to stay. here.....
    Shand001 Shand001 13-15, M Mar 6

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    This Is It.

    You've screwed me over. You've ****** me up. You've made me cry. So this is it. Take me away. Bury me. Close my eyes. Let me disappear. I don't care just get me away from here. You have no heart. You have no soul. All you want is to make me less than whole. You shot me, poisoned...
    treegurl94 treegurl94 16-17, F Nov 3, 2013

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    There's a lot of stuff not many people no The

    only person that knows a lot if it is my bf and then my parents no almost everything
    Tomboyali13 Tomboyali13 13-15, F Jan 11

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    Yeah

    Because if I didn't my dark my light my memories my smiles everything released it would kill me I would not be able to survive because I've locked it in for so many years
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Aug 2, 2013

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    I don't know if it's just the enemy inside that's doing any of this or what, but there are things that I know that are just not right. They are very wrong in this modern society to...
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    I'm very good at keeping secrets. I don't really have a lot of people to tell them to. Except my mum, and she's good at keeping secrets too! ;) I usually won't tell her anything...
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    I am at war with myself, my enemy is inside me, he knows my fears and my insecurities, he knows where my weaknesses hide, yet I know nothing of him, I lie awake at night and wonder...
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    I admit it - I like to cross-dress. Sometimes, I would put something on, and just for a bit of a rush, take a quick walk around the outside of the house (either from the front door...
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