I Keep A Lot Locked Up Inside

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 3,912 People

    I suffer from depression

    and I don't want anyone to know.
    jay72007 jay72007
    26-30, M
    Nov 1, 2015
    BlitzBallin BlitzBallin
    18-21, M
    2 Responses Dec 11, 2014

    For one it just takes too much energy.

    I no longer have the energy to talk about anything. I am tired all the time and I don't need to uncover everything I'm feeling. I used to be open with the people I am close to but talking doesn't change anything. So I stopped. I know I need to face what feel to get past it but I...
    tarynjamie tarynjamie
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 8, 2014

    Masks

    Masks We’re all wearing lies Lies that hide our eyes Lies that hide our pain Lies that hide our shame The lies are not told The lies are not word Quite the contrary The lies are shown We wear them on our faces We wear them with a smile We wear are little lies As soon as the...
    princess41993 princess41993
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jul 25, 2011

    Can I?

    Can i just buy a machine gun and shot something a lot? Did this day really have to suck this badly? I literally want to just leave. To just be like screw school, screw people, screw family. And just leave maybe make some stupid decisions and live off of gas station food. Moving...
    treegurl94 treegurl94
    18-21, F
    Nov 4, 2013

    It's kind of like a bubble.

    It gets bigger and bigger and then it explodes, leaving me with tear streaks on my cheeks and scratched open arms.
    absenceofsound absenceofsound
    16-17, F
    1 Response May 11, 2014

    There is so much I can't say to you

    that I wish I could. I've known you for 12 years now, you've been my best friend, my boyfriend and the one that caused me more pain than I even knew was possible before we found our way back to the friendship that started it all. You make horrible decisions when it comes to...
    misspaperwait misspaperwait
    22-25, F
    Jul 24, 2014

    When you work at dunkin donuts .

    . With all chicks.. Then your manager finally hires a male. Chicks don't know what to do with themselves... Basically thrown themselves at him poor Kidd smh
    briannemarie86 briannemarie86
    26-30, F
    1 Response Oct 1, 2015

    Charity suffereth long,

    and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.
    ridge76 ridge76
    22-25, M
    Jun 11, 2015

    Under Lock And Key

    I hold so much stuff inside, mainly to protect myself from being hurt and because i am protecting the very ones that hurt me and have made my mind ''messy''. Sometimes i want to scream and shout and tell the world that i was the one that was the victim, but instead i let them...
    deadinsideout deadinsideout
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jul 5, 2013

    My Life Story

    I know you probably don't care, but I'm going to tell you my story anyways. I really need to tell someone this... When I was young (elementary age) my mother overprotected me, but she also verbally abused me, making me feel very self-conscious, and very sensitive, so I cry...
    unisondream unisondream
    13-15, F
    2 Responses Jul 16, 2012
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Sep 9, 2015

    I kept something locked up

    for almost 12 years before I snapped and I wish I would of just came out a long time before that and just let it off my chest. It killed me keeping it locked inside. I'm so glad I don't have to keep it locked up anymore.
    tigersfan195 tigersfan195
    18-21, F
    Oct 19, 2014
    EboniFrost EboniFrost
    18-21, F
    1 Response Feb 22, 2015

    It's nearly three am

    and here I am awake debating on what my future outcomes with my lover are going to be. Sometimes I think she spends more time with her friends instead of me even if we did talk about this situation. I would always dedicate time to here late at night just for her when I actually...
    BakaAkira BakaAkira
    18-21, F
    Jul 17, 2014

    Sometimes I envy the birds,

    they can just fly away when things get to be too much.
    9yyu7900oom 9yyu7900oom
    18-21, F
    Dec 1, 2015

    I'Ve Changed...

    Over the past few years, I have been battling depression. I was in denial for a very long time until I was finally able to admit it recently. But I haven't been able to fully admit it, especially to someone else. In fact, this is probably my deepest secret and I haven't told...
    simplyaly simplyaly
    18-21, F
    1 Response Oct 13, 2013

    I often find myself tiptoeing around people in

    order to avoid conflicts, I'd like to be the guy who walks all over ppl and doesn't give a sh!t - just once... But I can't, So I suffer
    Lovehurtstoomuch Lovehurtstoomuch
    41-45, M
    Feb 13

    Someone else in this group suggest I write on

    here. Firstly I bottle up how I feel I don't like emotions good or bad. I failed to deal with them for most of my life that is one major reason I ended up 10 years ago an alcoholic. now I don't drink handling emotions and not going off and drinking or something else to change...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Oct 29, 2014

    I certainly have quite a size able past.

    .. I am pretty messed up but what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger :D
    richierich22 richierich22
    18-21, M
    Jan 7, 2014

    "And so I cry sometimes When I'm lying in

    bed Just to get it all out What's in my head And I, I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning And I step outside And I take a deep breath and I get real high And I scream from the top of my lungs WHAT'S GOING ON?" (4 Non Blondes)
    funsized1 funsized1
    41-45, F
    1 Response Sep 22, 2015

    I have so much locked up inside

    so much that I hide. I need to let it go but I can't. Everything I feel I keep inside. I have no one to let everything out to. It's just the worst thing ever. Not having anyone to sit and talk to. No one to be there for you. This worlds so lonely. I'm so lonely. I want someone...
    sademptynothing sademptynothing
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Jun 8, 2014

    I Usually Have To

    I can't usually talk to friends when I feel upset because I am afraid of annoying them, and driving them away. I've already done that before, and I don't need to be doing that again.
    emipurple emipurple
    18-21, F
    Nov 13, 2013

    I'm an emotion bottler,

    I'll admit that. Right now I'm keeping a lot back in regards to my friends, I love my friends but they make stupid, stupid decisions sometimes. The worst offender is my best friend and his ever horrible choice in girlfriends. Now granted it's impossible to find a "quality woman...
    misspaperwait misspaperwait
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jul 2, 2014

    I Locked It All In And Lost The Key!

    I have so many unexpressed emotions and its really effecting me. In the past 5 months ive lost a beloved pet and got heart broken again by the love of my life.Ive cried very little because im afraid that if i start crying i think i wont be able to stop.Ive held back so many tears...
    Thefightingangel Thefightingangel
    22-25, M
    2 Responses Oct 23, 2012

    Done.

    It all started last Christmas. Now before it wasn't that bad but on Christmas morning I realized I was done with life. I believe that if I didn't drop that glass it wouldn't have happened. I was helping my mother set the table for the big breakfast we were going to have. But by...
    CaitiCait1570 CaitiCait1570
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Jul 29, 2013

    Most peaple who know me see the stoic

    emotionless act I pull off emotions are a lock up with no key I'm just not ready to feel emotions again I guess will I ever be I'm unchanging my body does not show subconscious reactions so peaple don't get to see the slight sensations I may feel but I can't recognise my own...
    Poisonmyst Poisonmyst
    16-17, M
    2 Responses Sep 7, 2015

    I'll be hurt and still try to tear you down

    as well .... Wish I can take a lot of things back say sorry and just go back to how it was before when it was simple and all I did was smile. I no longer believe anything anyone tells me but still doesn't change the fact I push people away friends family and others
    gonegirl23 gonegirl23
    18-21, F
    Feb 6, 2015

    I am a very talkative person on a daily basis.

    ..however not all what is to be said..is said.I am a reserved person regarding my deepest and honest feelings because I think no one cares...and when someone seems to give you the chance or space to express those I am soon after regreting because of being missunderstood.I gotta...
    4biandu 4biandu
    31-35, F
    Jul 6, 2014

    I have a hard time expressing my feelings

    and most of the time my words don't come out how I want them to so I just keep it inside hoping that things will get better.
    kaylinrae kaylinrae
    22-25, F
    1 Response Dec 16, 2013
    sisi19 sisi19
    18-21, F
    Dec 11, 2013

    I still do this... I keep everything locked up

    until I explode, which when I do explode all I do is cry my eyes out and be angry at everyone! It really hurts me and takes away my happiness.
    iliketobealone iliketobealone
    13-15, F
    1 Response Dec 5, 2013

    Sometimes I just want to leave a place,

    rather then stay and tell people how I feel. At some point in a conversation, I built up so much anger or frustration, that I just want.. To go... Forget it and never talk about a thing again... A friend told me once to let all trouble out, by telling someone close my problems...
    CeMi1706 CeMi1706
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 28, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    May 31, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Dec 19, 2015

    Except Here

    Keeping things locked up inside is standard operating procedure for me. Throughout my life, I have had many many friends. I've been blessed to know some very fine people and have spent countless hours enjoying their company in wonderful discussions. I've been praised as a...
    Bfinally Bfinally
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Nov 22, 2012

    Heard this song on the radio tonight,

    takes me back to days when life was so much simpler. "So true Funny how it seems Always in time, but never in line for dreams Head over heels when toe to toe This is the sound of my soul This is the sound I bought a ticket to the world But now I've come back again Why do I...
    funsized1 funsized1
    41-45, F
    Jul 1, 2015

    You see my smile but I have a million things on

    my mind and I am hurt and confused...
    annieannana annieannana
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jun 29, 2014

    I do keep a lot lock up inside .

    I do that for great reasons but I trying to start opening up more
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jun 5, 2015

    I use to have a very close best friend

    but she dropped me in high school for some other people she thought was her friends but they turned on her but since I'm not mean I let her be my friend again it I don't trust her and she will never be close to me again, I mainly just tolerate her just until I find something...
    sisi19 sisi19
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 12, 2013

    I Walk Alone

    I walk alone like one of you, I feel the pain of only few. You look at me you see a smile, its disapears after a while. I let you think that im ok, but im not together in any way. I saw war and blood around, i prayed for peace to be found. I hear vengence wherever i go, you want...
    misshideaway misshideaway
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Feb 16, 2012

    It's time to let it all out!

    !! How I wish he could hear this. This past year that I've been without you. The first few months I was in such pain and sorrow. In a dark place were I would have love to be lost in the shadows never to be seen again. I tried to reach out nothing.. During the middle I tried to...
    Beanbella Beanbella
    31-35, F
    1 Response Jul 19, 2014

    Why Do I Ask Permission?

    Why do I give you authority? Why do I let you rule my life? Why do I submit to you tyrannic reign? Are you the master of knowledge? Am I out of my senses? Do I need ruler? Why do I deal with it when I don't have to? I ain't your sex slave. I ain't your toy. And you ain't my...
    treegurl94 treegurl94
    18-21, F
    1 Response Nov 7, 2013

    everything stays in..

    . my emotions, my feelings... the things I want to do... all of it... the love I hold for the people I am close to. everything stays locked away...
    joker364 joker364
    26-30, M
    Nov 22, 2015

    She is gone and with her

    so many good years of my life. It would have been easier had I lost her to death, but no...I lost her to another man. Someone she barely knew. He promised that he could love her more than me. I have to laugh at the "Prince Charming" who swooped in to steal the heart I saved...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jan 30, 2014

    I've never told anyone this

    but I have a subside note written and saved on my phone just in case I can't take the pain anymore.
    RainbowsandBowties RainbowsandBowties
    18-21, M
    2 Responses Dec 21, 2015

    The Relapse. Laying in a bed.

    Wondering what it'd be like if you were dead. Not really sad, just kinda in a bad, spot. A rough patch that leaves you in shock. It won't matter, it's just a few cuts. Oops, look who forgot. You've got to see the doc, you have a few days, tops. Googling how to hide it, your...
    UnderTheSleeves UnderTheSleeves
    16-17, F
    Nov 29, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Oct 24, 2015

    Do you ever have one of those nights

    where you just get completely assaulted by memories? Where all of sudden everything comes flooding back in a title wave of mixed emotions and left over anger? That's the kind of night I'm having, everything I've bottled up from the last few years, from my last relationship and...
    misspaperwait misspaperwait
    22-25, F
    Jul 7, 2014

    I keep sooo much inside.

    There's so damn much that I carry on my shoulders. And no one knows about it. My counselor knows a little but not everything. She has atleast secrecy, so I'm not worried about her. It's everyone else I'm afraid of. And everything would be a disaster if it came out. Believe me, I...
    Milliesangel Milliesangel
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Dec 14, 2013

    I keep it all locked up inside

    and when people try to get in, I push them away. I just don't know what to do anymore.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Nov 13, 2015
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