I Keep A Lot Locked Up Inside

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 3,881 People

    She is gone and with her

    so many good years of my life. It would have been easier had I lost her to death, but no...I lost her to another man. Someone she barely knew. He promised that he could love her more than me. I have to laugh at the "Prince Charming" who swooped in to steal the heart I saved...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jan 30, 2014
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    May 31, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Dec 19, 2015

    I Walk Alone

    I walk alone like one of you, I feel the pain of only few. You look at me you see a smile, its disapears after a while. I let you think that im ok, but im not together in any way. I saw war and blood around, i prayed for peace to be found. I hear vengence wherever i go, you want...
    misshideaway misshideaway
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Feb 16, 2012

    Done.

    It all started last Christmas. Now before it wasn't that bad but on Christmas morning I realized I was done with life. I believe that if I didn't drop that glass it wouldn't have happened. I was helping my mother set the table for the big breakfast we were going to have. But by...
    CaitiCait1570 CaitiCait1570
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Jul 29, 2013

    I kept something locked up

    for almost 12 years before I snapped and I wish I would of just came out a long time before that and just let it off my chest. It killed me keeping it locked inside. I'm so glad I don't have to keep it locked up anymore.
    tigersfan195 tigersfan195
    22-25, F
    Oct 19, 2014

    I Locked It All In And Lost The Key!

    I have so many unexpressed emotions and its really effecting me. In the past 5 months ive lost a beloved pet and got heart broken again by the love of my life.Ive cried very little because im afraid that if i start crying i think i wont be able to stop.Ive held back so many tears...
    Thefightingangel Thefightingangel
    22-25, M
    2 Responses Oct 23, 2012

    I have so much locked up inside

    so much that I hide. I need to let it go but I can't. Everything I feel I keep inside. I have no one to let everything out to. It's just the worst thing ever. Not having anyone to sit and talk to. No one to be there for you. This worlds so lonely. I'm so lonely. I want someone...
    sademptynothing sademptynothing
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jun 8, 2014

    It's kind of like a bubble.

    It gets bigger and bigger and then it explodes, leaving me with tear streaks on my cheeks and scratched open arms.
    absenceofsound absenceofsound
    18-21, F
    1 Response May 11, 2014

    When you work at dunkin donuts .

    . With all chicks.. Then your manager finally hires a male. Chicks don't know what to do with themselves... Basically thrown themselves at him poor Kidd smh
    briannemarie86 briannemarie86
    31-35, F
    1 Response Oct 1, 2015
    EboniFrost EboniFrost
    22-25, F
    1 Response Feb 22, 2015

    Except Here

    Keeping things locked up inside is standard operating procedure for me. Throughout my life, I have had many many friends. I've been blessed to know some very fine people and have spent countless hours enjoying their company in wonderful discussions. I've been praised as a...
    Bfinally Bfinally
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Nov 22, 2012

    My Life Story

    I know you probably don't care, but I'm going to tell you my story anyways. I really need to tell someone this... When I was young (elementary age) my mother overprotected me, but she also verbally abused me, making me feel very self-conscious, and very sensitive, so I cry...
    unisondream unisondream
    13-15, F
    2 Responses Jul 16, 2012

    I still do this... I keep everything locked up

    until I explode, which when I do explode all I do is cry my eyes out and be angry at everyone! It really hurts me and takes away my happiness.
    iliketobealone iliketobealone
    16-17, F
    1 Response Dec 5, 2013

    Why Do I Ask Permission?

    Why do I give you authority? Why do I let you rule my life? Why do I submit to you tyrannic reign? Are you the master of knowledge? Am I out of my senses? Do I need ruler? Why do I deal with it when I don't have to? I ain't your sex slave. I ain't your toy. And you ain't my...
    treegurl94 treegurl94
    18-21, F
    1 Response Nov 7, 2013

    I Usually Have To

    I can't usually talk to friends when I feel upset because I am afraid of annoying them, and driving them away. I've already done that before, and I don't need to be doing that again.
    emipurple emipurple
    18-21, F
    Nov 13, 2013

    I have a hard time expressing my feelings

    and most of the time my words don't come out how I want them to so I just keep it inside hoping that things will get better.
    kaylinrae kaylinrae
    26-30, F
    1 Response Dec 16, 2013

    Someone else in this group suggest I write on

    here. Firstly I bottle up how I feel I don't like emotions good or bad. I failed to deal with them for most of my life that is one major reason I ended up 10 years ago an alcoholic. now I don't drink handling emotions and not going off and drinking or something else to change...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Oct 29, 2014

    The Relapse. Laying in a bed.

    Wondering what it'd be like if you were dead. Not really sad, just kinda in a bad, spot. A rough patch that leaves you in shock. It won't matter, it's just a few cuts. Oops, look who forgot. You've got to see the doc, you have a few days, tops. Googling how to hide it, your...
    UnderTheSleeves UnderTheSleeves
    18-21, F
    Nov 29, 2015

    Charity suffereth long,

    and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.
    ridge76 ridge76
    26-30, M
    Jun 11, 2015

    I'Ve Changed...

    Over the past few years, I have been battling depression. I was in denial for a very long time until I was finally able to admit it recently. But I haven't been able to fully admit it, especially to someone else. In fact, this is probably my deepest secret and I haven't told...
    simplyaly simplyaly
    18-21, F
    1 Response Oct 13, 2013

    Masks

    Masks We’re all wearing lies Lies that hide our eyes Lies that hide our pain Lies that hide our shame The lies are not told The lies are not word Quite the contrary The lies are shown We wear them on our faces We wear them with a smile We wear are little lies As soon as the...
    princess41993 princess41993
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jul 25, 2011

    Can I?

    Can i just buy a machine gun and shot something a lot? Did this day really have to suck this badly? I literally want to just leave. To just be like screw school, screw people, screw family. And just leave maybe make some stupid decisions and live off of gas station food. Moving...
    treegurl94 treegurl94
    18-21, F
    Nov 4, 2013

    Under Lock And Key

    I hold so much stuff inside, mainly to protect myself from being hurt and because i am protecting the very ones that hurt me and have made my mind ''messy''. Sometimes i want to scream and shout and tell the world that i was the one that was the victim, but instead i let them...
    deadinsideout deadinsideout
    31-35, F
    1 Response Jul 5, 2013

    I use to have a very close best friend

    but she dropped me in high school for some other people she thought was her friends but they turned on her but since I'm not mean I let her be my friend again it I don't trust her and she will never be close to me again, I mainly just tolerate her just until I find something...
    sisi19 sisi19
    22-25, F
    1 Response Dec 12, 2013

    For one it just takes too much energy.

    I no longer have the energy to talk about anything. I am tired all the time and I don't need to uncover everything I'm feeling. I used to be open with the people I am close to but talking doesn't change anything. So I stopped. I know I need to face what feel to get past it but I...
    tarynjamie tarynjamie
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 8, 2014

    I keep sooo much inside.

    There's so damn much that I carry on my shoulders. And no one knows about it. My counselor knows a little but not everything. She has atleast secrecy, so I'm not worried about her. It's everyone else I'm afraid of. And everything would be a disaster if it came out. Believe me, I...
    Milliesangel Milliesangel
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Dec 14, 2013
    sisi19 sisi19
    22-25, F
    Dec 11, 2013

    I'll be hurt and still try to tear you down

    as well .... Wish I can take a lot of things back say sorry and just go back to how it was before when it was simple and all I did was smile. I no longer believe anything anyone tells me but still doesn't change the fact I push people away friends family and others
    gonegirl23 gonegirl23
    22-25, F
    Feb 6, 2015

    You see my smile but I have a million things on

    my mind and I am hurt and confused...
    annieannana annieannana
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Jun 29, 2014

    Sometimes I just want to leave a place,

    rather then stay and tell people how I feel. At some point in a conversation, I built up so much anger or frustration, that I just want.. To go... Forget it and never talk about a thing again... A friend told me once to let all trouble out, by telling someone close my problems...
    CeMi1706 CeMi1706
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 28, 2015

    I certainly have quite a size able past.

    .. I am pretty messed up but what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger :D
    richierich22 richierich22
    18-21, M
    Jan 7, 2014

    My feelings, negative,

    towards other people...that if shared, would make it more difficult for me to stay. here.....
    Shand001 Shand001
    18-21, M
    Mar 6, 2014
    BlitzBallin BlitzBallin
    18-21, M
    2 Responses Dec 11, 2014

    Most peaple who know me see the stoic

    emotionless act I pull off emotions are a lock up with no key I'm just not ready to feel emotions again I guess will I ever be I'm unchanging my body does not show subconscious reactions so peaple don't get to see the slight sensations I may feel but I can't recognise my own...
    Poisonmyst Poisonmyst
    16-17, M
    2 Responses Sep 7, 2015

    I keep it all locked up inside

    and when people try to get in, I push them away. I just don't know what to do anymore.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Nov 13, 2015

    "And so I cry sometimes When I'm lying in

    bed Just to get it all out What's in my head And I, I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning And I step outside And I take a deep breath and I get real high And I scream from the top of my lungs WHAT'S GOING ON?" (4 Non Blondes)
    funsized1 funsized1
    41-45, F
    1 Response Sep 22, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Sep 9, 2015

    Sometimes I envy the birds,

    they can just fly away when things get to be too much.
    9yyu7900oom 9yyu7900oom
    18-21, F
    Dec 1, 2015

    My Happy Facade...

    I use to go to work every day and whenever someone would ask me how I was doing(you know, in that small talk "how's the weather" kind of way), I would always say I was ok, good, fine. Even on the days when I felt a little sick or tired or wished that I had called off that day...
    ChicagoBlues ChicagoBlues
    36-40, M
    1 Response Jan 5, 2011

    A Fragment Of My Life That Has Faded Colors...

    Its been 7 years since then..I don't know why it creeps back to my mind just like that, or haunt my dreams..or is it more appropriate to refer to it as 'nightmares'? Although I would rather treasure it as a dream. But when I wake up with those thoughts back in my mind, I have no...
    hoping2live hoping2live
    22-25, F
    1 Response Oct 28, 2010

    Pain? What Pain?

    I am frightfully good at bottling up my emotions and forgetting bad memories. I hate facing my pain, it scares me senseless. I do all that I can to avoid the topic with friends and family. It's sick. I'm sick. But I do not foresee this changing, ever.
    Vellamo Vellamo
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Feb 22, 2011

    No-one Knows The Real Me....

    As I always put on a mask around others. I pretend that I am happy and cheerful and I pretend I do a lot socially when in fact I don't have a social life or friends. I work with kids and so I have to be happy, it comes with the job title. Nobody knows how I really feel, not the...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    May 14, 2011

    Hide Behind A Mask

    Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room, yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of dispare. outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that bring you to ease, yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness. outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh...
    snowy174 snowy174
    18-21, F
    5 Responses Jul 3, 2011

    Please Don't Linger. My Thoughts Like To Bite!

    I suppose since my wife and I finally had the heart to heart after every fight it is time I open up to everyone. I keep a lot inside. Most people who see me think of me as that goofy guy who is always smiling and dancing at work. I tell jokes and enthusiastically wave to...
    MasterAzrich MasterAzrich
    31-35, M
    Aug 3, 2013

    What'S The Point.

    I'm sure no one wants to hear all this :-/ I wish I was dead. Only reason I'm not Well cause people tell me that I'm selfish for thinking about it. That if I kill myself it will hurt others 10x worse then I'm hurting Am I suppose to go through days hurting, crying, and...
    Abb50 Abb50
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 9, 2013

    I Try To Hide My Emotions But It Never Really Works Because I Vent

    i vent on here a lot so my family won't know that all the smiles i put on my face are really fake.i want them to be happy, so i fake my own happiness sometimes. sometimes i am actually happy but most of the time i am not. if i hold it all in for too long though it bust out like...
    Caitlinsmith1636 Caitlinsmith1636
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Feb 24, 2013

    Left A Bad Relationsiop

    I loved him. But he treated me like crap. I kept staying because the sex was good, and I dodn't want to be alonel Finally, I decided he wasn't the right one. I caught him having sex with a 16 year old, and left. I moved. I still have all my anger bottled up from this, and other...
    analfreak6969 analfreak6969
    22-25, F
    Jun 20, 2012

    Yeah

    Because if I didn't my dark my light my memories my smiles everything released it would kill me I would not be able to survive because I've locked it in for so many years
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Aug 2, 2013

    This Is It.

    You've screwed me over. You've ****** me up. You've made me cry. So this is it. Take me away. Bury me. Close my eyes. Let me disappear. I don't care just get me away from here. You have no heart. You have no soul. All you want is to make me less than whole. You shot me, poisoned...
    treegurl94 treegurl94
    18-21, F
    Nov 3, 2013

    Today was a good day,

    let a little more out than normal!! Feeling good about it!
    Froggy420 Froggy420
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Feb 16, 2014

    I'm an emotion bottler,

    I'll admit that. Right now I'm keeping a lot back in regards to my friends, I love my friends but they make stupid, stupid decisions sometimes. The worst offender is my best friend and his ever horrible choice in girlfriends. Now granted it's impossible to find a "quality woman...
    misspaperwait misspaperwait
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jul 2, 2014

    I keep my feeling hidden

    because I feel that if I express them people will not like me and my personality. But, then I think and I know that what ever they have to say does not matter, only what I think of myself will count
    starburst44 starburst44
    18-21, F
    Mar 6, 2014

    Struggling With Anorexia

    I honestly wish I could go back in time and never have started starving myself..I wish I was normal again..I was never fat I was 5'2 and I weighted 98 pounds..I was pretty skinny..an I would eat so much and never worried I actually wish I could gain weight because I hated...
    perezC perezC
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Aug 6, 2013

    I have a tendency to keep things bottled up

    inside. I do this quite well. People say it's not healthy, but its never been a problem. If I can help people deal with their own issues then I dont have to deal with mine. I guess I also feel like people have their own problems and don't need to be bothered with my...
    sanchez77 sanchez77
    36-40, M
    Feb 5, 2014

    I've never been one, really,

    to wear my emotions on my sleeves. If something is truly bothering me, I usually don't talk about it with anyone because I hate being vulnerable in front of people. When I was 14, my cousin died in a car accident. When we went up for his funeral, my father was walking me to the...
    mostofall mostofall
    22-25, F
    1 Response Dec 17, 2013
    uhhidk uhhidk
    18-21, F
    Feb 25, 2014

    It's time to let it all out!

    !! How I wish he could hear this. This past year that I've been without you. The first few months I was in such pain and sorrow. In a dark place were I would have love to be lost in the shadows never to be seen again. I tried to reach out nothing.. During the middle I tried to...
    Beanbella Beanbella
    31-35, F
    1 Response Jul 19, 2014

    I do keep a lot lock up inside .

    I do that for great reasons but I trying to start opening up more
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jun 5, 2015

    Heard this song on the radio tonight,

    takes me back to days when life was so much simpler. "So true Funny how it seems Always in time, but never in line for dreams Head over heels when toe to toe This is the sound of my soul This is the sound I bought a ticket to the world But now I've come back again Why do I...
    funsized1 funsized1
    41-45, F
    Jul 1, 2015
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