My resumé is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?
Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.
I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
I'm not crazy; I've just been in a bad mood for the last 27 years.
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables.
I'm the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream..!!!
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Time heals all wounds. I broke your watch
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.
I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the...
After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF!
Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them
Those of you who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do!
I love that the cover for this group is ichigo from bleach...
Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize.. that I wasn't at work anymore.