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I Know That By Leaving Him, I'm Helping Him Heal

It's not an ending, it's simply a transition in love. 30 People

    Two Weeks Gone!

    Tomorrow will mark 2 weeks since Cocaine Incident #2 with "B". Have not talked to him since. He's overseas. I think about him everyday but without longing. Frankly, it's of little interest to me if he heals or not. It's not enough that he says he really loves me. I...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F Sep 17, 2009

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    Hmm. I Don't Miss Him.

    - Haven't had to restrain myself from calling him. - Haven't shed a tear since Labor Day weekend. - My heart didn't leap when I saw a picture of him. - Felt sad when I realized I didn't have him around to help me with car stuff. - Felt sad that I didn't have a hand...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 2 Responses Sep 18, 2009

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    I Always Wondered Why...

    ...he didn't have much of a client roster, considering he was such an industry veteran ...he would recount how clients would leave him suddenly after being with him for years ...why he worked at home and didn't hire a bookeeper I'm just pissed now and need to vent. Forgive me...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 1 Response Sep 26, 2009

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    A Lesson In The 'hood About Love

    Dearest B~ The other day on the bus, I got into a very hostile and uncomfortable confrontation with a young man next to me who was playing loud gangster rap. It got to the point where he rolled his eyes and ignored me. Rather than move, I remained in the seat right next to him...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 2 Responses Oct 11, 2009

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    Yawn

    This story is slowly becoming less interesting. REally. Haven't heard from "B". I realize that I was so upset last Friday b/c I wanted a response from him. I just won't do anything in relation to him that requires a response. Yawn. It's been a month since the...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F Oct 2, 2009

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    Honoring What We Shared

    I'm experiencing grief so it occurred to me that it might help me if I honored what we shared: - our sense of ease and play with each other - our sense of freedom to be our true selves with each other - our physical connection to each other - our affection for each other...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F Sep 26, 2009

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    I'm Moping As If I Had Rebound S**** With Him.

    Geez, snap out of it. Move on. Shift your attention away from Lack and toward Love.
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 3 Responses Sep 25, 2009

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    2600 Miles Without Saying Goodbye

    I'm at the JetBlue Terminal @ JFK. I'm headed to Seattle, returning home, returning to family after 22 years in the very Big City. I shed tears for one moment here. "B" is in London. When I returned from Seattle he was at the airport greeting me with a warm embrace a gaze that...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F Mar 18, 2010

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    Leaving Someone I Love Who Is In Denial About Cocaine Abuse

    I didn't hang around long. It happened only two times in the past 3 weeks but it was enough to know. This is difficult because he's the most beautiful man I've ever met. I was ready to be an adult rather than a child in a relationship with him. I felt myself growing and changing...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 6 Responses Sep 7, 2009

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    I Talked to Him...

    ...on the phone for the first time in nearly 3 weeks since the Coke Incident. I was kind of bored. I didn't feel angry. He asked me what's new. Al-Anon really helped me to just listen, without much reaction. He mentioned seeing his daughter and I inwardly cringed. I didn't relate...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 4 Responses Sep 25, 2009

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    He Is Showing Up In My Dreams

    and that is ok. there is still a connection there. i am not "over" all of it.  but the pain is moving further and further away and i am grateful.
    onatavia onatavia 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 18, 2009

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    No More Tears

    It's a week later, I"m ok! I feel a mental & emotional poise unlike anything I've ever felt post breakup! And I"m playing Elton John ballads over and over on top of it--without a tear! I won't take it for granted. I'll still be sad at moments, but I don't...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F Sep 12, 2009

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    Go Ahead, Dig Your Own Damn Grave

    I didn't cause and I can't cure it. You're on your own now sucker.  
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 1 Response Sep 27, 2009

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    He Is In Darkness

    someone helped me save my life once. i have so much empathy for someone in darkness, because i remember being there.  but had i not wanted to be alive myself, no one anywhere could have helped me to save my own life, and gratefully i am alive. i have a heart that can feel...
    onatavia onatavia 41-45, F 4 Responses Oct 30, 2009

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    I Am Trying

    I no he is wrong for me he has done so much to me that it don't hurt no more. I am pregnant with his second child an i dont want it because of all the cheating he has done an. I just want to move on with my life. My mom treats me bad my whole life her only child. My dad is sick...
    teecap teecap 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 4, 2013

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    He Has a Point

    I spoke to "B" last night. He said, "You're ending it over one incident, forgetting about everything else we shared." He does have a point. But I made my point too. How I was frightened, didn't understand, questioned if I shared the same values with him...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 3 Responses Sep 30, 2009

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    Attending Al Anon

    For the first time I attended an Al Anon meeting just b/c of this experience. It's funny, the whole 12 step starts with the issue of addiction and its ultimately a program for anything I want to fundamentally change in my life. I felt at home in the group, I felt...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 1 Response Sep 12, 2009

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    Thank God For My Support Group!

    I feel 100lbs lighter right now. I got myself out of the house in Jersey City and drove into Manhattan to be with my personal development support group. The gathering in the cafe on the Upper WEst Side was a pleasant distraction. When I left, I walked out with a young...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F Sep 8, 2009

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    This Story Ends For Me Today

    Thanks for reading!
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 1 Response Oct 4, 2009

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    We're Starting Over

    Well friends, for the first time ever in my entire history I'm going back to someone I thought it was over with. "B" clearly loves me on the highest turn of the spiral that I"ve ever seen love expressed. Through all of my fog, he very astutely sees the highest and...
    beautytruth beautytruth 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 23, 2009

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