A blind man and his guide dog are in a department store. Suddenly in the middle of an aisle, the man picks up his dog by the tail and starts swinging it around.
Startled by this, the shop assistant asks the man "Can I help you, sir?
The blind man replies quickly without thought...
that patients checking out must have a wheelchair.
One day a newly graduated nurse assistant came into the room to find an elderly man fully dressed. He was sitting on the bedside chair, with a piece of packed luggage at his side, all ready to go.
When he was shown the...
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an economist?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What does an insomniac dyslexic agnostic do?
A: Stay awake at night wondering if there's a dog.
Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?
A: Dogs hump your leg with...
A lady walks into a shop that sells VERY expensive Persian rugs. She browses around, then spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug, she farts loudly.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed...
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out." he says.
This one made me laugh:
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club...
Q: What do the letters "DNA" stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.
Q: Why do married men hang strobe lights from their bedroom ceilings?
A: To create the optical illusion that their wives are moving during sex.
Q. What has little balls and screws old ladies?
Nina completed four weeks of dental restoration with her dentist.
She confided to her best friend Rosie that she had fallen in love with her dentist and she was going to propose to him.
Rosie said, "Nina, you're young, you're beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you...
A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption at birth. One of the twins went to a family in Egypt, and was named "Amal." The other twin went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the...
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does ***** and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided...
the post office addressed to "God". A postal employee, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter, opened it and read: "Dear God, my name is Jimmy. I am 6 years old. My father is dead and my Mom is having a hard time raising me and my sister. Would you please send us $500...
A guy goes to buy a train ticket, and the girl selling tickets has an incredible set of jugs. He says, "Give me two pickets to Titsburgh...umm...I mean, two tickets to Pittsburgh."
He's really embarrassed...The guy in line behind him says:
"Relax, pal, we all make Freudian...