on 11:03PM at Jul 17th, 2008
this forum is titled i like a mils and dils group, a friendly hmmm place to discuss in law issues and POSSIBLY PROVIDE ONE ANOTHER WITH A FRESH PERSPECTIVE.what has happened??
on 07:59AM at Jul 18th, 2008
What would you like a fresh perspective on??? How is your son and DIL???
on 11:39AM at Jul 18th, 2008
It was misnamed it should have been " A place to hen peck and hate dil's without actually saying it because admitting it would make us look bad."
That sounds better...lol!
I hope noone takes me too seriously, I would hate to get hate mail over this!lmfao!!!!
on 02:49PM at Jul 19th, 2008
No hate mail from here!!!!!
on 07:41PM at Jul 19th, 2008
It's fine to argue, but seriously what is the major fighting all about?
I'm a DIL who dislikes my mil probably more than any of the other dils here, although maybe not. My mil is pretty bad though. Can't you still just try to see the perspective of the MILs who are having trouble with difficult DILs? It helps me to read the things the MILs write. It makes me feel more empathy for my MIL sometimes. I guess I want to have empathy for her. She is the father of my husband and the grandmother of my children. I do not like her, and that hasn't changed. Anything I can gleam from someone else's story makes me feel like I'm trying to understand her at least. It makes me feel better to try, even if it is through someone else's story.
on 08:17PM at Jul 19th, 2008
Nothing will make me better understand what my mother in law has done to us. I just kinda shrug it off now a days...I don't bother with her, she doesn't bother with me...it seems a bit more pleasant that way.
on 09:53PM at Jul 19th, 2008
That has to be unpleasant for your husband and his mother!!
on 10:02AM at Jul 20th, 2008
Despite your beliefs, no it is not unpleasant for my husband. He knows exactly why I do not bother with his mother. Not only does he not know why he understands and doesn't blame me at all. You see, his marriage and wife are very dear to him and when his mother tried to come between that he took it pretty personal as did I. As far as his mother having trouble accepting that, I doubt it but too bad even if she did. She did it to herself and has to face the facts that she is not the perfect mother she likes to pretend she is. What she did to us was not a nice thing for a stranger never mind when your own mother does it! I really don't care how she feels about it.
What is your suggestion, to just keep taking her abuse, lies and troubling accusations? And instead of passing it off as it not being abuse, why don't you try to answer the question for once? Just because you feel that ALL mothers are not capable of destructive behavior or their behavior should be accepted rather then being acknowledged and worked on...She didn't even give that a chance, instead she ignores the fact that she has done anything and would rather pretend that I do not exsist just to feel that she was right.
So no I don't care how unpleasant it is for my mil, she didn't care how unpleasant she made my life the last year when she out and out started a rift in the family.
on 08:14PM at Jul 20th, 2008
You are so wrong. about me. I am very aware of destructive mothers,as i had one. my mother was an alcoholic. Anyway that is another chapter of MY LIFE. i have had to deal with a lot, but i loved my mom. i hated the drinking and fighting. my husband and i both had our problems with one anothers moms. and we had our fair amount of arguments but our love and respect for one another got us through tough times. We both agreed to boundaries with our moms and our children were not cheated of their grandparents.
on 09:31PM at Jul 20th, 2008
My mother in law is not an alcoholic. She is just a jerk! I know it sounds weird but I would actually accept her behavior a little more if she were drug or alcohol dependent. I don't blame anyone here from setting boundries with their inlaws and if that means protecting their children from alcohol or drug abuse all the more power to them. If these grandparents cared enough about their families and about themselves they would straighten out. My mother in law ignores the fact that she has made some really bad decisions when choosing how to treat her children and their spouses. She would rather have fighting and anger then live as a family. I accept that and don't bother her, she has gotten her wish but my husband and I still have a close knit family with the ones that choose to be in it.
on 09:32PM at Jul 20th, 2008
pretty flower...I DO NOT HATE MY DIL'S....you are dead wrong about this.
on 09:21AM at Jul 21st, 2008
Actions speak louder than words...I wish I could tell my own mother in law that but it would end with her acting like a 2 year old. When she started a war with bil and his wife (that we do not talk to because they were also acting like juvenile delinquents, especially the sil) she would try to contact my bil's ex girl friend, go over there to "rip the sil out by her hair" she would have to be talked down to some warped sanity...Her other sons would have to beg her not to go. She would send sympothy cards to her son about him marrying a trouble maker...No doubt that the girl was a troublemaker and a non stop liar but the mother in law did not make the situation any better. Now that she is talking to them, she turned it all on us, well on me. It was easy to do because I don't talk to them to tell them the truth...not that I care to...I let them believe what ever they want...They lie to get their way too. I don't ever want to be a part of the sil life or the bil. They are true evil and I am not saying that to be funny...they really are!
on 07:09PM at Aug 13th, 2008
You young women are so good about making assumptions, trust me you will one day eat every word and remember one thing your husband only has one mother, and can have more than one wife.
on 07:52PM at Aug 13th, 2008
on 08:00PM at Aug 13th, 2008
What is this one mother stuff??? I have people (women) in my life who are more mother like to me than the one who gave birth. I even call them mom. You can't choose family but you can choose your wife and the people most near and dear in your life. Why the hostility??? Need I remind you that none of us are your "AWFUL" DIL's. Not a one of us. So why do you take your frustration out on us? We have terrible MIL's. You're in no way our MIL so why do you stick up for our MIL's so ferociously? I think you're misplacing your anger. Maybe you should tell your DIL's how you feel see how it goes. Didn't go well for me but at least she knows how I feel. Why is it you stick up for our MILs I think you ladies like playing the Devils advocate. To get a rise. Silly. silly silly
on 08:05PM at Aug 13th, 2008
I try to be understanding of my MIL. I like her in small doses. I understand that the things she says that hurt, she often doesn't think about before she says them. Other times she says them on purpose and just doesn't care until you call her on it; and even then she may still not care about your feelings. She is very controlling and uses guilt to get her children to do things for her. I can't say that I hate her; I can say that her behavior gets to me and upsets me. My wonderful husband has had 25 years of dealing with her and he just lets it all go in one ear and out the other...I have more of a temper and tend to stand up for myself. I won't let her walk all over me. I discussed my feelings with my husband and told him that he can have all the contact he wants with his mother, but I needed a break and would be limiting any contact with her to the minimum. I just can't take being treated like a child and my every move being questioned. I don't like being pressured in to doing things.
on 11:47PM at Aug 13th, 2008
Missing, you do not have to be so deroggotory, we can agree to disagree, and still share our comments, ok, i made a ststement and a true one
on 10:29AM at Aug 14th, 2008
No I'm tired of you "THINKING" you're sticking it to us with your back handed comments. You may have one birth mother but giving birth doesn't mean you're a Good Mother and that you deserve to be treated like a queen. It's the people who treat you like family that are family. If I have learned anything in life it's definitely that.
Children ( your sons and daughters) put up with a lot as children. Maybe you think nothing was ever wrong because they kept quite. You're older so maybe you don't remember what it was like to be a child but I do I'm still young enough. As a child you put up with your parents just waiting for the day where you can be who you are. You keep quiet to keep the peace. You do as you are told. Guess what we get older and sometimes with freedom comes independence. We have our own lives. Sometimes it's easier to keep parents at bay because you get tired of the constant comments and what ever else it is. All the time the parent just thinks that you've changed. When in reality you've been the same person you just tried to be someone else to please them. I think thats what has happened to your sons. They haven't changed they've just become tired of trying to please you. They have someone who loves them for who they are. My husband thanked me for that. He actually thanked me for loving him the way he is and accepting him. Isn't that odd??? Maybe you mothers don't know your children you know who you wanted them to be. You know who you thought you raised them to be. But if you really knew and accepted your kids for who they were then things wouldn't be the way they are now. Thats the problem. They found women who love them for who they are. Sometimes you can damage something with out even realizing it. Just because you didn't realize it doesn't make it any less your fault.
on 12:29PM at Aug 14th, 2008
She is BAITING you again. None of us have been on here commenting and they still sit in their hatred and anger. The two of them writing back and forth to each other about what they can compain about the family dynamic today...They are bored and you are biting into it. Ignore, ignore, ignore!