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I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 568 People

    “I was accused of stealing a house,

    but all charges were dropped as the claims were without foundation.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 8

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 28

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    “Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes

    a pitaful excuse for a sandwich.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 29

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    If a Russian soldier struggles to get your

    drink fast but did it on purpose, is he RUSSIAN or is he STALIN?
    TheMechanicalAnimals TheMechanicalAnimals 18-21, M 1 Response Jun 18

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    When I saw the depressed mathematician,

    I asked “What sum adder with you?”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    Hyst3ria Hyst3ria 18-21 5 Responses Jun 22

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    “When the golfer with a serious iron

    deficiency went back to the doctor for a check-up he was told that he was still not out of the woods.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 4

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    I'm not very versed in writing songs,

    so I refrain from doing it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    “My dentist is sneaky.

    He pulled a fast one!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 21

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    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 12

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    dynosophical dynosophical 26-30, M 2 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    “I'm reading a book about mazes,

    I got lost in it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jun 27, 2014

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    He was worried he would get a parking ticket.

    It was a case of mind over meter.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 22

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 17, 2014

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    “Murder with knives is very messy,

    and I suggest not taking a stab at it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 15, 2014

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    So two hats were on a coat hanger,

    one hat says to the other: "stay back, i'll go on a head"
    itsybitsyfrosty itsybitsyfrosty 16-17, M 1 Response Jul 6

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    “I went out with a coal miner's daughter.

    I guess you could say I was carbon dated.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses May 2

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18

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    Word Play

    What do you call a sleeping relative ? A Napkin What do you get when you cross a dove and a high chair? A Stool Pigeon What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy? A Collie-flower Name the largest stone A Milestone IF FEDEX an UPS were to merge, what might they be known as...
    yrral32 yrral32 61-65, M 3 Responses Jan 15, 2012

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    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M 4 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    “My phone has to wear glasses ever

    since it lost its contacts."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 17

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    The elderly chef retired

    because his sage was showing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    I was at Olive Garden with one of my best

    friends yesterday and I was eating a dish that had artichoke in it and I almost choked. Guess that's why they call it artichoke. x3
    queeniejean queeniejean 13-15, F 3 Responses Aug 4

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 24

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    So I saw a picture of Dwane the Rock Johnson

    hugging a rock, the caption was "Love Yourself" I laughed harder than I should have
    diabetits diabetits 16-17, F May 27

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    A Bicycle

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 15, 2013

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    I will tell you a Chemistry joke

    but I know I would not get a reaction.
    whitesunshine87 whitesunshine87 51-55, F 4 Responses Apr 26

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    A punch to the side of the head,

    aka a knuckle ear missile.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 23

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    “You know the problem with grapes these days.

    People just aren't raisin them right.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 26

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    You know the problem with grapes these days.

    People just aren't raisin them right.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 19

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    There was a prison break

    and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 5, 2014

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    I wonder if servants got the title of peon

    because people would always pee on them
    smitlord smitlord 16-17, M 6 hrs ago

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    Love them! They're the best; I love cheesy

    humor. So if you have any bad or good puns or cheesy jokes, they're always welcome with me!
    waywardgirl98 waywardgirl98 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 23

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    “I ordered a vault

    and speakers be delivered to my home yesterday. They arrived safe and sound.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 25

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    Ouch!

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New...
    EBunbury EBunbury 46-50, M 9 Responses Mar 17, 2009

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Sep 8, 2014

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    Clement Moore was tying his tie

    before going to Christmas Eve service. He said, 'Twas the knot before Christmas.'”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jun 4

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    I have some pretty bad ones I walked into my

    sisters room and tripped on a bra it was a booby trap I heard two peanuts walked to the park one was assaulted I'm reading a book on antigravity it's impossible to put down its not that the guy couldn't juggle he just didn't a have the balls to do it I tried to catch fog...
    natsufairy12 natsufairy12 13-15, M 2 Responses Jul 1

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    What do idiots drink?

    soduhhhhhh What do you call it went to dogs on separate planes fly past each other? A dog fight What does soda call their dad? pop
    smitlord smitlord 16-17, M Jul 6

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    The Baker

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    I caught a squirrel with my bra,

    by setting a bobby trap.
    RedHeadedNinja RedHeadedNinja 13-15, F Aug 11

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    My friend's addicted to drinking brake fluid,

    but he says he can "stop" any time he wants!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Apr 15

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    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    I've been waiting for the president to approve

    new military aircraft so the press can refer to it as the Barack O'Bomber
    ksbobmst ksbobmst 26-30, M 1 Response Aug 9

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    When my girlfriend said she was leaving

    because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 16

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