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I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 470 People

    I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the

    other day. She was a bouncer.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 13, 2014

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    How do you cut a diamond?

    With a karat-y chop.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 23

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 2

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Sep 8, 2014

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    “It was really crowded at the diet doctor's

    office but then it thinned out.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 16

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    I took a pole today and 100% of strippers were

    mad that they had nothing to dance on.
    atiekay atiekay 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 19

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    The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday in

    Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins...
    adianoeta adianoeta 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 8

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    “Quasimodo bought a Ford Focus.

    It became known as the hatchback of Notre Dame.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 20

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    There are 10 types of people in the world: those

    that understand binary and those that don't.
    runtom runtom 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 4

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 12, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 8

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    The Baker

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    “Despite pressure to clean up their act,

    most dirtbags live in a vacuum.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 27

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    A Bicycle

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 15, 2013

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    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M 4 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    “Money laundering is a dirty trade

    for a clean profit!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 4

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    I made a Halloween pun in January.

    Guess I spook too soon.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 24

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 20 hrs ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 17, 2014

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    I went to a horticultural conference

    and they said ‘Please be seeded.'
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 25

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    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    “I decided not to go to Pisa,

    but I was leaning towards it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 27

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    I'm afraid of winter.

    I don't indoors going outside.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 14

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    What did Adam say on the day

    before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 11, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    dynosophical dynosophical 26-30, M 1 Response Nov 26, 2014

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    Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in

    big trouble. You have my Word.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    Japanese Sword Fighters It's a lengthy

    article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    “I'm reading a book about mazes,

    I got lost in it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jun 27, 2014

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    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10, 2014

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    There was a prison break

    and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 5, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 7

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    “The Rodent Club finished drafting their

    constitution, but it has yet to be ratified.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 13

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 18

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    Overfishing makes us hard of herring.

    I won't eat farmed fish either: I don't believe in roughy housing, or carp pooling. I've haddock up to here!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Feb 3

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    What were the headlines

    after a midget fortuneteller escaped from jail? Small medium at large
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10, 2014

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    Producing A New Gum Two men were in the

    process of inventing a new brand of gum. They were arguing over the fact that their new gum was too hard and brittle and didn't have the right consistency. One of the inventors kept arguing that they simply had to add more liquid to their primary secret ingredient, code named...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    “After a few beers on the plane,

    Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 24

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    I asked someone about 1920s German musicals,

    their answer was curt, vile and 3d. Full marks if you get the last pun.
    runtom runtom 56-60, M 1 Response Jan 28

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    Half bull, half dwarf?

    Run, it's the minutaur!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    Someone stole my frock,

    but I shawl overcome.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 13

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    My friend's addicted to drinking brake fluid,

    but he says he can "stop" any time he wants!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Apr 15

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    “We are out of light bulbs.

    Our home faces a dim outlook.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 6

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