I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 657 People

    “Many people suffer terribly from hay fever.

    Isn't this news simply a pollen?”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 11, 2015

    I want to just send puns back

    and forth with someone. Just awful puns be the only form of communication. That sounds like a wonderful relationship to me.
    absorbingalpacas absorbingalpacas
    16-17, F
    4 Responses Mar 6

    “Murder with knives is very messy,

    and I suggest not taking a stab at it.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Oct 15, 2014

    I was at Olive Garden with one of my best

    friends yesterday and I was eating a dish that had artichoke in it and I almost choked. Guess that's why they call it artichoke. x3
    jeanzie jeanzie
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Aug 4, 2015

    Love them! They're the best; I love cheesy

    humor. So if you have any bad or good puns or cheesy jokes, they're always welcome with me!
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Aug 23, 2015

    I caught a squirrel with my bra,

    by setting a bobby trap.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Aug 11, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 28, 2015

    “I decided not to go to Pisa,

    but I was leaning towards it.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 27, 2015

    The elderly chef retired

    because his sage was showing.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 26, 2014

    “I'm reading a book about mazes,

    I got lost in it.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    4 Responses Jun 27, 2014

    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Feb 23, 2014

    Q: How do you make holy water?

    A: You boil the hell out of it.
    VioletVivid VioletVivid
    26-30
    Feb 25

    “When the golfer with a serious iron

    deficiency went back to the doctor for a check-up he was told that he was still not out of the woods.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 4, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    4 Responses Sep 8, 2014

    “Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes

    a pitaful excuse for a sandwich.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 29, 2015

    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Dec 14, 2015

    I wonder if servants got the title of peon

    because people would always pee on them
    smitlord smitlord
    18-21, M
    Sep 4, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 18, 2015

    “The doorway was crushed

    when the transom was taken for ransom.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 14, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 26, 2014

    What did the cell say to his sister

    after she stepped on his foot? Mitosis! Finally all those science classes came in handy.
    porcelaincream porcelaincream
    16-17, F
    1 Response Mar 5

    I stumbled across this one online

    and laughed over it for a good minute: On my tombstone it will read, "Not appreciating my puns while I was alive was a grave mistake." 😂😂😂😂 ok this still gets to me
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jan 14

    The Baker

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 14, 2013
    dynosophical dynosophical
    26-30, M
    1 Response Nov 26, 2014
    Hyst3ria Hyst3ria
    18-21
    4 Responses Jun 22, 2015

    The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday in

    Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins...
    adianoeta adianoeta
    26-30, F
    1 Response Feb 8, 2015

    Ouch!

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New...
    EBunbury EBunbury
    46-50, M
    9 Responses Mar 17, 2009

    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Novemberman Novemberman
    22-25, M
    3 Responses Apr 10, 2014

    When I saw the depressed mathematician,

    I asked “What sum adder with you?”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    4 Responses Nov 7, 2014

    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair.
    Novemberman Novemberman
    22-25, M
    Apr 10, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 8, 2015

    A Bicycle

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Nov 15, 2013
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Oct 17, 2014

    There was a prison break

    and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 5, 2014

    What do idiots drink?

    soduhhhhhh What do you call it went to dogs on separate planes fly past each other? A dog fight What does soda call their dad? pop
    smitlord smitlord
    18-21, M
    Jul 6, 2015

    My friend's addicted to drinking brake fluid,

    but he says he can "stop" any time he wants!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Apr 15, 2015

    “You know the problem with grapes these days.

    People just aren't raisin them right.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 26, 2015

    When my girlfriend said she was leaving

    because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 16, 2015

    I'm not very versed in writing songs,

    so I refrain from doing it.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 26, 2014

    I have some pretty bad ones I walked into my

    sisters room and tripped on a bra it was a booby trap I heard two peanuts walked to the park one was assaulted I'm reading a book on antigravity it's impossible to put down its not that the guy couldn't juggle he just didn't a have the balls to do it I tried to catch fog...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jul 1, 2015

    So two hats were on a coat hanger,

    one hat says to the other: "stay back, i'll go on a head"
    itsybitsyfrosty itsybitsyfrosty
    18-21, M
    1 Response Jul 6, 2015

    You know the problem with grapes these days.

    People just aren't raisin them right.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 19, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    4 Responses Jan 7, 2014

    “My phone has to wear glasses ever

    since it lost its contacts."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 17, 2015

    we were talking about the rising cost of eggs

    this weekend in which I said in the most cheesy tone, "it's getting 'egg'spensive"
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jun 8, 2015

    “I went out with a coal miner's daughter.

    I guess you could say I was carbon dated.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses May 2, 2015

    Clement Moore was tying his tie

    before going to Christmas Eve service. He said, 'Twas the knot before Christmas.'”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 4, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 12, 2015

    My sister and I were at the beach.

    This is our following conversation: Sis: Come in the water with me Me: No thanks, I'm good. Sis: You're so boring. You never do anything. Me: Dont be so salty Sis: Dont start Me: I don't undersand what the issue is Sis: Seriously just stop Me: How am I currently...
    Quietec Quietec
    13-15, F
    Jan 10

    Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in

    big trouble. You have my Word.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 26, 2014

    “I was accused of stealing a house,

    but all charges were dropped as the claims were without foundation.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 8, 2015

    Today in math models it seems like my puns were

    torturing everyone including the teacher
    smitlord smitlord
    18-21, M
    1 Response Sep 18, 2015

    I've been waiting for the president to approve

    new military aircraft so the press can refer to it as the Barack O'Bomber
    ksbobmst ksbobmst
    26-30, M
    1 Response Aug 9, 2015

    Sometimes I even make them unintentionally.

    I told my friend I have to go to the gas station tomorrow because it's free coffee day, and I need to fill up. He was confused because he didn't think I had a car. I don't, I meant I was going to fill up on coffee. So I made a pun without even realizing it. I am sure that...
    ErraticSarcastic ErraticSarcastic
    31-35, F
    1 Response Feb 8
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