Post

I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 352 People

    The Baker

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Like Bad Puns

    1) Atheism is a non prophet organization. 2) No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery 3) Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like bananas. 4) A backward poet writes inverse. Next...
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 25 Responses Mar 11, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This guys girlfriend asks him to go to the store

    for her so he does and when he gets there the line is SO long. But he waits patiently and gets her the groceries and brings them home and the next day she sends him out again to get her a necklace for a party they were going to attend later but when he gets there the line, once...
    NonexistantSoul NonexistantSoul 16-17, F Mar 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Japanese Sword Fighters It's a lengthy

    article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Ilikepi314 Ilikepi314 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I used to repair doors

    until I became unhinged!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    “A plumber's pipe dream was to tap all his

    resources to become multifauceted.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Painter

    The painter was hospitalized due to too many strokes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 12, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Relief Map

    A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 15, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Biologists have recently produced immortal

    frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two brothers collaborated on haunted stories,

    but one was a ghost writer.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Dec 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Word Play

    What do you call a sleeping relative ? A Napkin What do you get when you cross a dove and a high chair? A Stool Pigeon What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy? A Collie-flower Name the largest stone A Milestone IF FEDEX an UPS were to merge, what might they be known as...
    yrral32 yrral32 61-65, M 3 Responses Jan 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What The.......

    A hole has been found in a nudest camp wall,police are looking into it.......Two silk worms had a race,they ended up in a tie.....She was only a whiskey maker but he loved her still.....I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger ,then it hit me
    thezigzagman thezigzagman 51-55, M 1 Response Feb 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    “You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo

    beans, so hummus a tune.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Aug 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Did you hear about the optometrist

    who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures. What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
    Guvna2106 Guvna2106 31-35, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sign On The Lawn

    There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Nov 9, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm not very versed in writing songs,

    so I refrain from doing it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Paddle Sale

    There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ouch!

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New...
    EBunbury EBunbury 46-50, M 9 Responses Mar 17, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Coffee

    The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Missing Watch

    I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Kidney Bank England doesn't have a kidney

    bank, but it does have a Liverpool
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What did Adam say on the day

    before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What were the headlines

    after a midget fortuneteller escaped from jail? Small medium at large
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So this guy, with a premature ***********

    problem comes out of nowhere smh."
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Bicycle

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 15, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    .A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle

    looking for something to eat when he came across two men; one was sitting under a tree reading a book while the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him proving even the king of the jungle knows that readers...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 22

    Your Response

    Cancel
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    “My dentist would sim.

    .. “My dentist would simply not stop working on my teeth. He was abscessive compulsive.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?

    They’re making headlines everywhere!
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is a fish like a piano?

    You can tune a piano And you can tuna fish!
    onefootoutthedoor onefootoutthedoor 51-55, M 2 Responses Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The elderly chef retired

    because his sage was showing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The End Of The Sentence

    A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Nov 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There were two ships.

    One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
    Guvna2106 Guvna2106 31-35, M 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What did the horse say to the farmer

    when he came over with food? Haaaay
    daisyfields daisyfields 13-15, F 1 Response May 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm pretty sure my friends are all getting

    tired of it. But bad puns are so fun to make!
    PressedShirt PressedShirt 13-15 1 Response Jan 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's kind of ridiculous how much I enjoy puns.

    Like, I base my trust of people off of whether or not they can tell really awesome bad puns
    alaskacephale alaskacephale 13-15, F 1 Response May 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The male pig puts everyone to sleep.

    You could say he's quite the boar.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M 4 Responses Apr 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Reversible Jackets

    Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in

    big trouble. You have my Word.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    “I'm reading a book about mazes,

    I got lost in it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    wpb211 wpb211 41-45, M Aug 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    My now ex was a "bad" boy i guess . He got into a lot of trouble all the time running the streets and such . I won't give details of what he's done because of our loyalty pact...
    ThePrettyOnee ThePrettyOnee 13-15, F 1 Response Aug 8

    Your Response

    Cancel
    "The admiral's motto was, 'Do it schooner, not later!'”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 17

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I guess they aren't really good for me.
    sashakimi4 sashakimi4 13-15, F Aug 8

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I like bad boys cause there so frickin laid back like I'm not into deep guys like those who say " As I laid down next to you in slumber, I heard the sounds of thunder, trying to...
    germany100 germany100 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 12

    Your Response

    Cancel