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I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 520 People

    The elderly chef retired

    because his sage was showing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    This guy at school made a basketball shot.

    I yelled out BLACK MAGIC!! I'm not sorry
    BlossomTheMeganium BlossomTheMeganium 26-30, M May 18

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    When the equation didn't balance out,

    it messed with the student's equilibrium.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 15

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    There was a prison break

    and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 5, 2014

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    When I saw the depressed mathematician,

    I asked “What sum adder with you?”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    So two hats were on a coat hanger,

    one hat says to the other: "stay back, i'll go on a head"
    itsybitsyfrosty itsybitsyfrosty 16-17, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday in

    Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins...
    adianoeta adianoeta 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 8

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    “I went out with a coal miner's daughter.

    I guess you could say I was carbon dated.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses May 2

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    If a Russian soldier struggles to get your

    drink fast but did it on purpose, is he RUSSIAN or is he STALIN?
    ImAMechanicalAnimal ImAMechanicalAnimal 18-21, M 1 Response Jun 18

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    Hyst3ria Hyst3ria 18-21 3 Responses Jun 22

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    You know the problem with grapes these days.

    People just aren't raisin them right.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 19

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    Word Play

    What do you call a sleeping relative ? A Napkin What do you get when you cross a dove and a high chair? A Stool Pigeon What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy? A Collie-flower Name the largest stone A Milestone IF FEDEX an UPS were to merge, what might they be known as...
    yrral32 yrral32 61-65, M 3 Responses Jan 15, 2012

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    Japanese Sword Fighters It's a lengthy

    article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in

    big trouble. You have my Word.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M 4 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    A Bicycle

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 15, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18

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    I went camping with my brother

    and made fun of his shelter. After that he remained diss tent with me.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 29

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 24

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    Clement Moore was tying his tie

    before going to Christmas Eve service. He said, 'Twas the knot before Christmas.'”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jun 4

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 8

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    “My phone has to wear glasses ever

    since it lost its contacts."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 17

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    “I ordered a vault

    and speakers be delivered to my home yesterday. They arrived safe and sound.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 25

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    I'm not very versed in writing songs,

    so I refrain from doing it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    He was worried he would get a parking ticket.

    It was a case of mind over meter.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 22

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    we were talking about the rising cost of eggs

    this weekend in which I said in the most cheesy tone, "it's getting 'egg'spensive"
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 5 Responses Jun 8

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    “I tried talking to my dentist during a

    cleaning, but my words got flossed in translation.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 27

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    “I decided not to go to Pisa,

    but I was leaning towards it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 27

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    “Murder with knives is very messy,

    and I suggest not taking a stab at it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 15, 2014

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    “I'm reading a book about mazes,

    I got lost in it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jun 27, 2014

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    “Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes

    a pitaful excuse for a sandwich.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Before they hatch, go to the bank

    and open a chicken egg count.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 17

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    “The cardiovascular system is a work of

    artery, but is also really vein.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 14

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    A punch to the side of the head,

    aka a knuckle ear missile.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 23

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 17, 2014

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    What do idiots drink?

    soduhhhhhh What do you call it went to dogs on separate planes fly past each other? A dog fight What does soda call their dad? pop
    smitlord smitlord 16-17, M 1 day ago

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    “When the golfer with a serious iron

    deficiency went back to the doctor for a check-up he was told that he was still not out of the woods.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 4

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    The Baker

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 28

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    Did you know that my computer sings?

    It's a Dell. What do you call Australian fish? Aussie food. If the folks from The Walking Dead tossed a zombie into a wood chipper, they'd get a perfume: body spray. Don't get your boss angry if s/he is a cannibal. You might get chewed out. I used to be addicted to...
    TtotheD TtotheD 56-60, M May 7

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    “You know the problem with grapes these days.

    People just aren't raisin them right.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 26

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    I will tell you a Chemistry joke

    but I know I would not get a reaction.
    whitesunshine87 whitesunshine87 51-55, F 4 Responses Apr 26

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    dynosophical dynosophical 26-30, M 1 Response Nov 26, 2014

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    I have some pretty bad ones I walked into my

    sisters room and tripped on a bra it was a booby trap I heard two peanuts walked to the park one was assaulted I'm reading a book on antigravity it's impossible to put down its not that the guy couldn't juggle he just didn't a have the balls to do it I tried to catch fog...
    natsufairy12 natsufairy12 13-15, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Ouch!

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New...
    EBunbury EBunbury 46-50, M 9 Responses Mar 17, 2009

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