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I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 458 People

    “It was boring to listen to the prisoner

    as he kept repeating how sorry he was for his crime. He was con trite.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 15

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    Overfishing makes us hard of herring.

    I won't eat farmed fish either: I don't believe in roughy housing, or carp pooling. I've haddock up to here!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Feb 3

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    I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the

    other day. She was a bouncer.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 13, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 8

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    Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in

    big trouble. You have my Word.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    How do you cut a diamond?

    With a karat-y chop.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 23

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    I'm not very versed in writing songs,

    so I refrain from doing it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    What did Adam say on the day

    before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 11, 2014

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    “Quasimodo bought a Ford Focus.

    It became known as the hatchback of Notre Dame.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    “After a few beers on the plane,

    Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 7

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    Why was the brush late

    for work? It over-swept
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    What were the headlines

    after a midget fortuneteller escaped from jail? Small medium at large
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    Someone stole my frock,

    but I shawl overcome.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 13

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    jasonoker jasonoker 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 5

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    It doesn't get Eddie Vedder

    than Pearl Jam.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jan 14

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    “I decided not to go to Pisa,

    but I was leaning towards it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 27

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    “I'm reading a book about mazes,

    I got lost in it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jun 27, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 2

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    “I searched for designer compression

    stockings. My wife says it is because I'm so vein.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 2

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    I'm afraid of winter.

    I don't indoors going outside.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 14

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    dynosophical dynosophical 26-30, M 1 Response Nov 26, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 12, 2014

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    “Murder with knives is very messy,

    and I suggest not taking a stab at it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 15, 2014

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    The elderly chef retired

    because his sage was showing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    “Money laundering is a dirty trade

    for a clean profit!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 4

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 7, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Sep 8, 2014

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    Japanese Sword Fighters It's a lengthy

    article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    Ouch!

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New...
    EBunbury EBunbury 46-50, M 9 Responses Mar 17, 2009

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    Word Play

    What do you call a sleeping relative ? A Napkin What do you get when you cross a dove and a high chair? A Stool Pigeon What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy? A Collie-flower Name the largest stone A Milestone IF FEDEX an UPS were to merge, what might they be known as...
    yrral32 yrral32 61-65, M 3 Responses Jan 15, 2012

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 18

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    “Despite pressure to clean up their act,

    most dirtbags live in a vacuum.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 27

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    “When it comes to nourishment,

    a boa's best friend is his smother.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 5

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    If your friend says “Let's have a sausage

    party”, you better prepare for the wurst.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 17

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    “The Rodent Club finished drafting their

    constitution, but it has yet to be ratified.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 13

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 17, 2014

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    “We are out of light bulbs.

    Our home faces a dim outlook.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 6

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    There are 10 types of people in the world: those

    that understand binary and those that don't.
    runtom runtom 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 4

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    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10, 2014

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    I asked someone about 1920s German musicals,

    their answer was curt, vile and 3d. Full marks if you get the last pun.
    runtom runtom 56-60, M 1 Response Jan 28

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    I went to a horticultural conference

    and they said ‘Please be seeded.'
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 25

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    A Bicycle

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 15, 2013

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    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 9

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