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I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 293 People

    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair.
    Novemberman Novemberman 18-21, M Apr 10

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    Two brothers collaborated on haunted stories,

    but one was a ghost writer.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Dec 10, 2013

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    I Couldn't Remember How

    to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
    AnimaliaAustralis AnimaliaAustralis 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 19, 2009

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    The Missing Watch

    I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 10, 2013

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    I'm not very versed in writing songs,

    so I refrain from doing it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

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    The Geologist “The geologist went to the

    doctor because he had a loss of apatite.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    Reversible Jackets

    Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

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    Ouch!

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New...
    EBunbury EBunbury 46-50, M 9 Responses Mar 17, 2009

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    Paddle Sale

    There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

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    What The.......

    A hole has been found in a nudest camp wall,police are looking into it.......Two silk worms had a race,they ended up in a tie.....She was only a whiskey maker but he loved her still.....I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger ,then it hit me
    thezigzagman thezigzagman 51-55, M 1 Response Feb 6, 2012

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    The male pig puts everyone to sleep.

    You could say he's quite the boar.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 10, 2013

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    Kidney Bank England doesn't have a kidney

    bank, but it does have a Liverpool
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

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    Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?

    They’re making headlines everywhere!
    Novemberman Novemberman 18-21, M Apr 10

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    So this guy, with a premature ***********

    problem comes out of nowhere smh."
    Novemberman Novemberman 18-21, M Apr 10

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    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Novemberman Novemberman 18-21, M 4 Responses Apr 10

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    What do you do if I sheep walks out in front of

    your car? Slamb on the brakes.
    tim65 tim65 61-65, M 2 Responses Mar 21

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 7

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    .A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle

    looking for something to eat when he came across two men; one was sitting under a tree reading a book while the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him proving even the king of the jungle knows that readers...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 22

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    Kidnapping

    Did you hear about the kidnapping in school? He's fine, the teacher woke him up.
    JackedHueMan JackedHueMan 36-40, M 1 Response Nov 16, 2013

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    This guys girlfriend asks him to go to the store

    for her so he does and when he gets there the line is SO long. But he waits patiently and gets her the groceries and brings them home and the next day she sends him out again to get her a necklace for a party they were going to attend later but when he gets there the line, once...
    NonexistantSoul NonexistantSoul 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 25

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    Biologists have recently produced immortal

    frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    Here's One!

    WARNING:     If you receive an email from the Department of Health   telling you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu -       ignore it.  It's just spam. 
    Dawnriser Dawnriser 66-70, F 5 Responses Jun 5, 2009

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    Calendar

    Every calendar's days are numbered
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 27, 2013

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    Coffee

    The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    A Bicycle

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 15, 2013

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    Japanese Sword Fighters It's a lengthy

    article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    Wage Hike

    “Workers in an upholstery business demanded a wage hike to cushion the high cost of living.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 27, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    One More Time!

     The roundest knight at King Arthur's Table was Sir Cumference. He aquired his size from too much pi. Sorry.
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 6 Responses Mar 16, 2009

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    Lol. And anti-jokes. I'm the corniest person in

    the world. So when I tell a joke it's usually stupid and I can't stop laughing before I even get it out.
    fairytalesandspiderwebs fairytalesandspiderwebs 18-21, F Feb 22

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    The Baker

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    The elderly chef retired

    because his sage was showing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

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    I Like Bad Puns

    1) Atheism is a non prophet organization. 2) No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery 3) Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like bananas. 4) A backward poet writes inverse. Next...
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 25 Responses Mar 11, 2009

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    I was going write a joke about sheep's liver

    and kidneys and but it's too offal to tell.
    tim65 tim65 61-65, M 1 Response Mar 21

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    I'm pretty sure my friends are all getting

    tired of it. But bad puns are so fun to make!
    PressedShirt PressedShirt 13-15 1 Response Jan 11

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    What were the headlines

    after a midget fortuneteller escaped from jail? Small medium at large
    Novemberman Novemberman 18-21, M Apr 10

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    Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in

    big trouble. You have my Word.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 26

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    Word Play

    What do you call a sleeping relative ? A Napkin What do you get when you cross a dove and a high chair? A Stool Pigeon What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy? A Collie-flower Name the largest stone A Milestone IF FEDEX an UPS were to merge, what might they be known as...
    yrral32 yrral32 61-65, M 3 Responses Jan 15, 2012

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    The Painter

    The painter was hospitalized due to too many strokes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 12, 2013

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    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 23

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    The End Of The Sentence

    A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Nov 10, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    Good girls like bad boys Bad boys like good girls Good guys like bad girls Bad boys like good girls
    azanun azanun 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 10

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    What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment. I like BAD jokes :)
    CaptainBenza CaptainBenza 18-21, M 1 day ago

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    so, i get the feeling that most people are using this experience title for something emotional or a little more "deep". i wasn't sure how to categorize what im missing, so if i...
    cassandrastwrt cassandrastwrt 18-21, F 19 hrs ago

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    Do you know any good ones!????? Or bad ones??? Tell me. ( you can keep the racist an sexist ones to yourself)
    meadlingkids meadlingkids 18-21 2 Responses Mar 31

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    “My stuffing was bad, so I got some sage advice.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 9

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    It's definitely more so the unavailable than don't like me. In this story I'm going to talk about several different guys. I'll mention their name at the beginning of each story...
    cemarie128 cemarie128 18-21, F 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    Bad Parenting is like eating late-night fast food: garbage in, garbage out. Don't resort to the 'drive-thru' version of parenting.
    DreamWizard DreamWizard 41-45, F 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    ***Post of the Day*** Find out more at: www.facebook.com/FavorUponYouWONDERS OF GOD’S CREATION: THE SUN WILL EXPIRE AFTER SOME TIME“And the sun runs to a fixed resting...
    FavorUponYou FavorUponYou 22-25, M 8 hrs ago

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    One day you'll meet a guy,  and ultimately, he's going to find out how you chew, how you sip, how you dance, how you smell at every point in the day, how your face looks...
    Ally95xx Ally95xx 18-21, F 3 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Not just on here but other websites too. I have anxiety issues with talking to strangers in the real world so this became the way forwards for me. I met a lot if people over the...
    Sakaratte Sakaratte 26-30, M 5 hrs ago

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    "If you have a bad thought about yourself, tell it to go to hell because that is exactly where it came from" - Brigham Young
    margai margai 41-45, F 2 hrs ago

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    I try so hard to find a good guy who is just genuinely a good person but when I do find someone I can connect to I find I'm never attracted to them, they can be extremely good...
    wonderwall12 wonderwall12 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 19

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