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I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 331 People

    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    The Missing Watch

    I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 10, 2013

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    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 23

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    Reversible Jackets

    Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

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    Japanese Sword Fighters It's a lengthy

    article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    “My dentist would sim.

    .. “My dentist would simply not stop working on my teeth. He was abscessive compulsive.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 9

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    How is a fish like a piano?

    You can tune a piano And you can tuna fish!
    onefootoutthedoor onefootoutthedoor 51-55, M 2 Responses Feb 26

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    Ilikepi314 Ilikepi314 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 12

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

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    Ouch!

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New...
    EBunbury EBunbury 46-50, M 9 Responses Mar 17, 2009

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    I used to repair doors

    until I became unhinged!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 28

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 7

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    A Bicycle

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 15, 2013

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    “A plumber's pipe dream was to tap all his

    resources to become multifauceted.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 17

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    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M 4 Responses Apr 10

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    It's kind of ridiculous how much I enjoy puns.

    Like, I base my trust of people off of whether or not they can tell really awesome bad puns
    alaskacephale alaskacephale 13-15, F 1 Response May 16

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    The Painter

    The painter was hospitalized due to too many strokes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 12, 2013

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    What were the headlines

    after a midget fortuneteller escaped from jail? Small medium at large
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10

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    The Baker

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    The male pig puts everyone to sleep.

    You could say he's quite the boar.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 10, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    So this guy, with a premature ***********

    problem comes out of nowhere smh."
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10

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    What did Adam say on the day

    before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 11

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 29

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    Two brothers collaborated on haunted stories,

    but one was a ghost writer.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Dec 10, 2013

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    Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?

    They’re making headlines everywhere!
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10

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    This guys girlfriend asks him to go to the store

    for her so he does and when he gets there the line is SO long. But he waits patiently and gets her the groceries and brings them home and the next day she sends him out again to get her a necklace for a party they were going to attend later but when he gets there the line, once...
    NonexistantSoul NonexistantSoul 16-17, F Mar 25

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    What The.......

    A hole has been found in a nudest camp wall,police are looking into it.......Two silk worms had a race,they ended up in a tie.....She was only a whiskey maker but he loved her still.....I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger ,then it hit me
    thezigzagman thezigzagman 51-55, M 1 Response Feb 6, 2012

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    I'm pretty sure my friends are all getting

    tired of it. But bad puns are so fun to make!
    PressedShirt PressedShirt 13-15 1 Response Jan 11

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    What did the horse say to the farmer

    when he came over with food? Haaaay
    daisyfields daisyfields 13-15, F 1 Response May 29

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    .A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle

    looking for something to eat when he came across two men; one was sitting under a tree reading a book while the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him proving even the king of the jungle knows that readers...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 22

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    I'm not very versed in writing songs,

    so I refrain from doing it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

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    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10

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    Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in

    big trouble. You have my Word.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 26

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    Lol. And anti-jokes. I'm the corniest person in

    the world. So when I tell a joke it's usually stupid and I can't stop laughing before I even get it out.
    fairytalesandspiderwebs fairytalesandspiderwebs 18-21, F Feb 22

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    The elderly chef retired

    because his sage was showing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26

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    I Like Bad Puns

    1) Atheism is a non prophet organization. 2) No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery 3) Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like bananas. 4) A backward poet writes inverse. Next...
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 25 Responses Mar 11, 2009

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    “I'm reading a book about mazes,

    I got lost in it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 27

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    The End Of The Sentence

    A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Nov 10, 2013

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    Paddle Sale

    There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 12

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    Kidney Bank England doesn't have a kidney

    bank, but it does have a Liverpool
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    Word Play

    What do you call a sleeping relative ? A Napkin What do you get when you cross a dove and a high chair? A Stool Pigeon What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy? A Collie-flower Name the largest stone A Milestone IF FEDEX an UPS were to merge, what might they be known as...
    yrral32 yrral32 61-65, M 3 Responses Jan 15, 2012

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    Biologists have recently produced immortal

    frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    Coffee

    The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    But I LOVE a good man at the same time...
    Amginn Amginn 36-40 4 days ago

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    So, I've been trying to astral project for almost a year now. This morning at around two o'clock I'm pretty sure I finally pulled it off. Had sleep paralysis, vibrations, and I...
    ddiddi58 ddiddi58 26-30, M 8 hrs ago

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    I know this sounds stupid to most of people but I've tried to find a boy that I like. I can be like wow if I see a guy that looks good in my eyes and if I notice that he likes me I...
    realandtrue realandtrue 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Bad Boy - by cascada I love this song -be my bad be my man be my weekend lover but don't be my friend
    SerpentSinger SerpentSinger 16-17, M 1 hr ago

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    “I like vegetables, but my friend doesn't carrot call.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 2

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    Which colonists told the most jokes? Punsylvanians! True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what’s right. True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F Jul 4

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    Funny Animal Puns-A horse is a very stable animal. If you hear it from the horse's mouth you're listening to a neigh sayer. After the horse ate all of his hay he had a baleful...
    restored87 restored87 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    Who doesn't love a joke??? Puns are my absolute favorite. Nothing paves a way into my heart like a pun :D
    thessk thessk 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago