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I Like Bad Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 481 People

    What were the headlines

    after a midget fortuneteller escaped from jail? Small medium at large
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M Apr 10, 2014

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    Half bull, half dwarf?

    Run, it's the minutaur!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 18

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    “My dentist is sneaky.

    He pulled a fast one!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 19

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    Talk to the pants, cause the hands are busy!

    Why is it a sin to tan? Just Cos Oh gosh I can't think of many more I wish I was your derivative so I could lay tangent to your curves<--- super cool maths pickup line Heaps more out there somewhere...
    Ambititer Ambititer 16-17, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 20

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    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Novemberman Novemberman 22-25, M 4 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    “When the golfer with a serious iron

    deficiency went back to the doctor for a check-up he was told that he was still not out of the woods.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 4

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 17, 2014

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    Ouch!

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New...
    EBunbury EBunbury 46-50, M 9 Responses Mar 17, 2009

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    The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday in

    Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins...
    adianoeta adianoeta 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 8

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    Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in

    big trouble. You have my Word.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    “Murder with knives is very messy,

    and I suggest not taking a stab at it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 15, 2014

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    There was a prison break

    and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 5, 2014

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    “Did you hear the one about the woman

    who threw her toaster away because it kept burning the bread? She was black toast intolerant.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 27

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    Word Play

    What do you call a sleeping relative ? A Napkin What do you get when you cross a dove and a high chair? A Stool Pigeon What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy? A Collie-flower Name the largest stone A Milestone IF FEDEX an UPS were to merge, what might they be known as...
    yrral32 yrral32 61-65, M 3 Responses Jan 15, 2012

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 2

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    When the equation didn't balance out,

    it messed with the student's equilibrium.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I will tell you a Chemistry joke

    but I know I would not get a reaction.
    whitesunshine87 whitesunshine87 46-50, F 4 Responses Apr 26

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    “It was really crowded at the diet doctor's

    office but then it thinned out.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 16

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 7, 2014

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    When I saw the depressed mathematician,

    I asked “What sum adder with you?”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    dynosophical dynosophical 26-30, M 1 Response Nov 26, 2014

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    “When it comes to nourishment,

    a boa's best friend is his smother.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 5

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Sep 8, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    The Baker

    A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    “After a few beers on the plane,

    Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 24

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 8

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    Did you know that my computer sings?

    It's a Dell. What do you call Australian fish? Aussie food. If the folks from The Walking Dead tossed a zombie into a wood chipper, they'd get a perfume: body spray. Don't get your boss angry if s/he is a cannibal. You might get chewed out. I used to be addicted to...
    TtotheD TtotheD 56-60, M May 7

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    I went camping with my brother

    and made fun of his shelter. After that he remained diss tent with me.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 29

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    “The cardiovascular system is a work of

    artery, but is also really vein.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    The elderly chef retired

    because his sage was showing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    “You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo

    beans, so hummus a tune.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Aug 16, 2014

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    Before they hatch, go to the bank

    and open a chicken egg count.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    “I'm reading a book about mazes,

    I got lost in it.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jun 27, 2014

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    Producing A New Gum Two men were in the

    process of inventing a new brand of gum. They were arguing over the fact that their new gum was too hard and brittle and didn't have the right consistency. One of the inventors kept arguing that they simply had to add more liquid to their primary secret ingredient, code named...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 24

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    Q: “Why did the pig stop sunbathing?

    A: He was bacon in the heat.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 26

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    I'm not very versed in writing songs,

    so I refrain from doing it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    My friend's addicted to drinking brake fluid,

    but he says he can "stop" any time he wants!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Apr 15

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    I like bad puns. Examples: "I changed my

    iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now." "How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it." "Velcro, what a rip off!" "This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
    immieomg immieomg 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    “Money laundering is a dirty trade

    for a clean profit!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 4

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    Japanese Sword Fighters It's a lengthy

    article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 7

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    “I went out with a coal miner's daughter.

    I guess you could say I was carbon dated.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses May 2

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    “The Rodent Club finished drafting their

    constitution, but it has yet to be ratified.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 13

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 25

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