The male pig puts everyone to sleep. You could say he's quite the boar.
Paddle Sale - There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
Kidnapping - Did you hear about the kidnapping in school? He's fine, the teacher woke him up.
“The geologist went to the doctor because he had a loss of apatite.”
Arrrrrrrrr - What's a pirate's favourite crime? Arrrrrrrrson
Real answer: Piracy
What's a pirate's least favourite military branch? Arrrrrrrrrmy
Real answer: Navy
Reversible Jackets - Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
The elderly chef retired because his sage was showing.
It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
Wage Hike - “Workers in an upholstery business demanded a wage hike to cushion the high cost of living.”
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Relief Map - A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
Coffee - The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
Here's One! - WARNING:
If you receive an email from the Department of Health
telling you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu -
Calendar - Every calendar's days are numbered
One More Time! - The roundest knight at King Arthur's Table was Sir Cumference. He aquired his size from too much pi.
.A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat when he came across two men; one was sitting under a tree reading a book while the other was typing away...
The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.
Open The Door - Little Johnny brings a coke can to a policeman and asks:
- Can you please open the can?
Policeman knocks at it:
- Open the door, this is police...
Two brothers collaborated on haunted stories, but one was a ghost writer.
Computer Pun - Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board.
The End Of The Sentence - A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
I like bad puns.
"I changed my iPod's name to Titantic. It's syncing now."
"How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it."
"Velcro, what a rip off!"
"This duck walks into a...
I Like Bad Puns - 1) Atheism is a non prophet organization.
2) No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery
3) Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like...
What The....... - A hole has been found in a nudest camp wall,police are looking into it.......Two silk worms had a race,they ended up in a tie.....She was only a whiskey maker but...
Ouch! - Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for...
Word Play - What do you call a sleeping relative ?
What do you get when you cross a dove and a high chair?
A Stool Pigeon
What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy...
A Bicycle - A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
The Baker - A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
I'm not very versed in writing songs, so I refrain from doing it.
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool
I'm pretty sure my friends are all getting tired of it. But bad puns are so fun to make!
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
The Teacher - There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
Japanese Sword Fighters
It's a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
The Missing Watch - I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.
Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.
The thought of losing the pandas is just unbearable.
The Painter - The painter was hospitalized due to too many strokes.
I Couldn't Remember How - to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
Movie - I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.
Lol. And anti-jokes. I'm the corniest person in the world. So when I tell a joke it's usually stupid and I can't stop laughing before I even get it out.
Why do good girls like bad guys. I've had this question for a very long time. I've been a bad boy and it's plain to see. So why do good girls fall in love with me.
After punching his computer and breaking his hand, the guy required tech knuckle support.
“Even though the chef's girlfriend was grate in many ways. She had a temper that boiled easily, was half-baked and extremely kneady.”
I'm short (5 ft. to be exact), I love puns (and corny jokes), I thoroughly enjoy watching movies, and I love observing anything from people (I swear that sounds a lot more creepy...
So i finally went for it last night, i kissed the girl i have a crush on!
We were out shopping at the mall, spending the day clothes shopping. We were taking turns picking out...
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any...
I'm a introvert, i don't care what people think about me. And when they start ******* me off badly, i'll growl at them and tell em to shut the **** up.I tend to frequently change...
I havent showrrd or bathed in 2 weeks. My nose is running away from my armpit, and my armpit is running away from me cro tch. There hasnt been any bar soap to bathe with, and i...
I gave up my pitbull named Leo and my mare named Bella a year ago. The pitbull cause my dad hated him and he fought with my sisters pit. The horse because she was a bit wild. I was...
Being a college student, I have had to learn how to cook for myself, as well as take care of myself. I've come to realize that cooking actually isn't so bad, and is pretty...
I wish I could go back in time and stayed single with the exception of my 3 sons produced while married. I am a passionate loving , romantic and sexually charged women and my...