I Like Dark Humor

For those who find humor in the darker things ... 6,305 People

    What has four legs and one arm?

    A pitbull in a playground.
    Studyhardpellet97 Studyhardpellet97
    18-21, M
    Jul 7, 2015

    A coworker was told to cut the flaps off boxes

    with a box cutter and when she commented she was bad at it I said "But it's fun right?!". To which she replied by saying I'd be off cutting people next, jokingly I agreed saying, "Yeah, just slashing them open, left to right!" all while moving my arm in demonstration. She looked...
    IAmWhoIAmWhoAmI IAmWhoIAmWhoAmI
    18-21, F
    Sep 10, 2015

    This is really dark but not

    as bad as some jokes I've heard: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them
    Emenem123 Emenem123
    16-17, F
    1 Response Jul 6, 2015

    How many morbid jokes does it take to screw in

    a lightbulb? Not as many as there are dead puppies in the world
    Firestorm7375 Firestorm7375
    16-17, F
    Apr 28, 2014

    My coworker got me to watch Anthony Jeselnik's

    stand up routine on Netflix.......holy **** is that dude inappropriate. I've never heard so many jokes back to back that were just so WRONG. I laughed my *** off. That guy is awesome.
    PraiseBeToYevon PraiseBeToYevon
    31-35, F
    1 Response Oct 22, 2015

    What is red and is creeping up your leg?

    An abortion with homesickness.
    Hetaliainsanity Hetaliainsanity
    22-25, F
    4 Responses Jun 12, 2015

    Can you imagine being married to a female

    astronaut? After sex she'll be like "Ohh Huston we have an ******" and a few weeks later "Huston we have a baby" and you'll be like "Can we abort? Not just the misssion, everything"
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Dec 16, 2015

    I don't believe Faith can move mountains

    but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers
    slider978 slider978
    16-17, F
    1 Response Sep 21, 2015

    Cats have nine lives.

    Makes them ideal for experimentation.
    justthat1girl99 justthat1girl99
    16-17, F
    Sep 27, 2015

    I think we should show more appreciation

    for Hitler. After all, he will forever be the best Jewish cook in human history.
    Janalino Janalino
    16-17, M
    2 Responses Dec 23, 2015
    BadCatholic BadCatholic
    13-15, F
    1 Response Jun 12, 2015

    what's white, Sharp and.

    sits in the corner.... a kid with a Razer blaze. what's red, white and sits in the corner... the same kid two weeks later
    Tylerb17 Tylerb17
    18-21, M
    Jun 12, 2015
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Aug 23, 2015

    I was just talking to my mom about something

    and I was like why are you so dumb? She was like wow, you could do better than that. You don't sound very smart calling me dumb. SO I was like okay then.. You are perpetually inferior to the rest of the world and she was like okay that's better and than I was like yup you are...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Oct 27, 2015

    Why didn't Barbie ever get pregnant?

    Because Ken came in a different box.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Mar 16, 2015

    How sadistic is sausage,

    Really? We take the animal, cut it open, remove its intestines, grind up its muscle and stuff that muscle BACK into the intestines! AND THEN WE EAT IT! Like wtf?! That sound like a threat you'd yell at your worst enemy! "Im gonna f*ckin kill you man! Im gonna cut you open and...
    MeGaMatt88 MeGaMatt88
    26-30, M
    Sep 29, 2015

    Wanna make or discuss dark,

    taboo comedy? In Southern California (though not necessary)? Want to help make videos or like activities that are geeky/nerdy/sporty/gaming/physical? Got 2 free groups on FB (can be on other sites) forming. Share this post? (Reference my profile or email here). Both need hosts...
    supergirl805 supergirl805
    22-25, F
    Feb 14

    So, yesterday I tried suicide.

    Not doing that again! That almost killed me!
    c9Poke c9Poke
    16-17, M
    Nov 16, 2015

    I can't stand pedophiles.

    ******* immature ******** !
    ShesSimplyKenny ShesSimplyKenny
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Jul 6, 2015

    Steve lies dying, as Jack,

    his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm...
    nostromo16 nostromo16
    22-25, M
    1 Response Jul 7, 2015

    Me: Man, that girl is young enough to be my

    daughter! My Friend: But the important thing to remember is that she is NOT your daughter... Me: Well played sir.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Apr 5, 2015
    BellaLocura BellaLocura
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Feb 12

    A priest and a rabbi are sitting upon a bench

    on a lovely day in New York City when a nine year old boy comes walking by. The priest turns to the rabbi and asks "Do you want to **** him?" To which the rabbi turns to the priest, a confused look upon his face and asks "Out of what?"
    tehzarc tehzarc
    26-30, T
    Dec 18, 2015

    "Ladies and Gentlemen!

    You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's...
    Dwari Dwari
    22-25, M
    May 23, 2015

    I burned down the orphanage I own

    and killed 6 orphans. it's a good good I didn't have to tell their parents.
    RainbowCrayon666 RainbowCrayon666
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Jan 1

    When I die, I want this song played at my

    funeral. http://youtu.be/Xt5OZJ1LrbQ
    BellaLocura BellaLocura
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Feb 13

    How did black people get created?

    Baked Jews leftover from the Holocaust!
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Sep 25, 2015

    That moment when your daughter says,

    "Have you ever had that dark moment when you wonder what a human tastes like?" Yup, definitely my child. Haha
    BellaLocura BellaLocura
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Feb 24

    Pretty sure an anti-joke classes

    as dark humour: Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.
    Stillnotbroken Stillnotbroken
    18-21, F
    Sep 2, 2014

    I laugh at things that are "messed up"

    and have a somewhat morbid sense of humor. I also find things that are just plain strange amusing.
    allshadesofgrey allshadesofgrey
    36-40, F
    1 Response Jul 6, 2015

    This is all he's getting this year.

    .. At the bottom of his stocking. Will he find it as funny as I do? Lol! We shall soon find out!;)
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Dec 24, 2015

    George Carlin, anyone?

    Because that man was amazing. I'd even say the best comedian ever.
    LikeICare13 LikeICare13
    13-15, F
    1 Response Dec 27, 2015

    What is the difference between Princess Diana

    and Princess Diana jokes? Princess Diana jokes get old.
    Longpatrol90 Longpatrol90
    22-25, M
    1 Response Jul 8, 2015

    Hitler's mother was yelling at him : Adolf!

    ! why are you killing all these jews in the gas chambers "Sorry mama I'll stop killing them " he replied, but then his mother slappled him " I don't care about the jews just don't waste my ******* gas, how many times do I have to tell you!! Who's gonna pay for that ****, your...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Dec 15, 2015

    The BadCatholic's Last Rites Communication

    Network- "Someone better be dying!" <(officially the greatest motto. Ever.)
    BadCatholic BadCatholic
    13-15, F
    Jul 6, 2015

    Crazy Coworker # 2

    This is the same coworker mentioned in my first post, Well he was telling us about how he and his ex wife would go to couple retreats, and every year they would have a creative theme for the weekend. He told us how one year it was a highschool theme and couple would wear old...
    siggy10 siggy10
    31-35, M
    2 Responses Oct 11, 2012

    Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose

    dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
    Jzzmine Jzzmine
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jun 12, 2015

    During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally

    bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking out...
    Jzzmine Jzzmine
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jun 12, 2015

    "when I grow up I'm opening a baby back ribs

    stand in front of an abortion clinic and my motto is gonna be 'I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs'" - courtesy of my sister XD
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jul 6, 2015

    timmy loved blowing bubbles.

    bubbles was a man.
    TheDiamondMinecart TheDiamondMinecart
    31-35, M
    1 Response Mar 8, 2015

    Daniel Tosh is a great comedian,

    definitely one of my favorites. If you haven't heard of him you should definitely check him out!
    IAmWhoIAmWhoAmI IAmWhoIAmWhoAmI
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Sep 10, 2015

    A friend was complaining about a baby on his

    bus this morning and he comes up to me and asks "how do you shut a baby up" I responded by telling him to hit it with a hammer. He sits there slack jawed and promptly leaves. God damn I love dark humour XD
    Studyhardpellet97 Studyhardpellet97
    18-21, M
    1 Response Jul 23, 2015

    Bad Enough

    It was bad enough that you had to make me drink that glass of diarrhea at gun point, but you just had to make me laugh so that I would blow it all out my nose.
    CopperCoil CopperCoil
    36-40, M
    4 Responses May 18, 2008

    This ine is literally black humor lol a black

    kid and his mother went to their father's funeral and to comfort the kid his mother said " when people die they turn into birds and join mother nature in a beautiful way sweety" , in their way home the little kid saw a black volture and said "Mommy look, I found daddy!!!"
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Dec 15, 2015

    Dark humor is like food,

    not everybody gets it.
    rhythmix rhythmix
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 27, 2015

    What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

    ..............The wheelchair. Haa? HAAA? Get it?
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Feb 3, 2014
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