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I Like Dark Humor

For those who find humor in the darker things ... 6,366 People

    Me: Man, that girl is young enough to be my

    daughter! My Friend: But the important thing to remember is that she is NOT your daughter... Me: Well played sir.
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Apr 5, 2015

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    Dark humor is like food,

    not everybody gets it.
    rhythmix rhythmix 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 27, 2015

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    Crazy Coworker # 2

    This is the same coworker mentioned in my first post, Well he was telling us about how he and his ex wife would go to couple retreats, and every year they would have a creative theme for the weekend. He told us how one year it was a highschool theme and couple would wear old...
    siggy10 siggy10 31-35, M 2 Responses Oct 11, 2012

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    My coworker got me to watch Anthony Jeselnik's

    stand up routine on Netflix.......holy **** is that dude inappropriate. I've never heard so many jokes back to back that were just so WRONG. I laughed my *** off. That guy is awesome.
    PraiseBeToYevon PraiseBeToYevon 31-35, F 2 Responses Oct 22, 2015

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    How many morbid jokes does it take to screw in

    a lightbulb? Not as many as there are dead puppies in the world
    Firestorm7375 Firestorm7375 16-17, F Apr 28, 2014

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    During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally

    bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking out...
    Jzzmine Jzzmine 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 12, 2015

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    "About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood

    were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, 'Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?'"
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 2 Responses Nov 6, 2015

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    What has four legs and one arm?

    A pitbull in a playground.
    Niemadde Niemadde 18-21, M Jul 7, 2015

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    What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

    ..............The wheelchair. Haa? HAAA? Get it?
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    For 8 years now I have been searching

    for my mother-in-law's killer...but no one will agree to do it.
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 2 Responses Nov 16, 2015

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    I once let a friend set me up on a blind date.

    It turned out to be a total disaster of a date. She ended up being a burn victim...by the end of the night anyway.
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 3 Responses Jan 4

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    Its good to be a schizo,

    they are never alone
    Engine9 Engine9 31-35, M 2 Responses Jan 27

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    How sadistic is sausage,

    Really? We take the animal, cut it open, remove its intestines, grind up its muscle and stuff that muscle BACK into the intestines! AND THEN WE EAT IT! Like wtf?! That sound like a threat you'd yell at your worst enemy! "Im gonna f*ckin kill you man! Im gonna cut you open and...
    MeGaMatt88 MeGaMatt88 26-30, M Sep 29, 2015

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    "Ladies and Gentlemen!

    You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's...
    Dwari Dwari 22-25, M May 23, 2015

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    "when I grow up I'm opening a baby back ribs

    stand in front of an abortion clinic and my motto is gonna be 'I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs'" - courtesy of my sister XD
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 6, 2015

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    I burned down the orphanage I own

    and killed 6 orphans. it's a good good I didn't have to tell their parents.
    RainbowCrayon666 RainbowCrayon666 16-17, F 2 Responses Jan 1

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    m1ndf0rked m1ndf0rked 22-25, M Dec 16, 2015

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    How did Lucy drop her ice cream?

    The ice cream truck got her. Knock knock. (Who's there?) Not Lucy.
    TheMechanicalAnimals TheMechanicalAnimals 18-21, M 2 Responses Oct 7, 2015

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    http://www.dailymail.

    co.uk/news/article-3379254/This-dog-disfigured-trying-save-family-house-fire-Hundreds-people-Facebook-tricked-sharing-photo-dog-ham-face.html
    Engine9 Engine9 31-35, M Dec 30, 2015

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    How did black people get created?

    Baked Jews leftover from the Holocaust!
    deleted deleted 26-30 Sep 25, 2015

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    Can you imagine being married to a female

    astronaut? After sex she'll be like "Ohh Huston we have an ******" and a few weeks later "Huston we have a baby" and you'll be like "Can we abort? Not just the misssion, everything"
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Dec 16, 2015

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    I think we should show more appreciation

    for Hitler. After all, he will forever be the best Jewish cook in human history.
    Janalino Janalino 16-17, M 2 Responses Dec 23, 2015

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    Why didn't Barbie ever get pregnant?

    Because Ken came in a different box.
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Mar 16, 2015

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    A friend was complaining about a baby on his

    bus this morning and he comes up to me and asks "how do you shut a baby up" I responded by telling him to hit it with a hammer. He sits there slack jawed and promptly leaves. God damn I love dark humour XD
    Niemadde Niemadde 18-21, M 1 Response Jul 23, 2015

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    I'M Going To Medical School....

    It was the easiest application in the world, they're not going to charge me tuition, I won't have to buy books, I'll get free housing, and they're going to take me to classes everyday. I won't have to lift a finger, take exams, or study at all! It's the best deal in the...
    yintaozenthin yintaozenthin 46-50, F Nov 9, 2013

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    I want to die like my grandpa did,

    in his sleep. I don't want to die like the passengers screaming. P.s. If you don't get the joke the grandpa was driving...
    SymphonyChild SymphonyChild 13-15, F 2 Responses Jun 12, 2015

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    I’ve got a kid in Africa

    that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to how much it cost to send him over there.
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 3 Responses Nov 12, 2015

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    serenewinds serenewinds 31-35, F Feb 2

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    "The beatings will continue

    until morale improves." Annonymous
    tryingagainII tryingagainII 56-60, M Oct 4, 2015

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    So, yesterday I tried suicide.

    Not doing that again! That almost killed me!
    Superpoke Superpoke 16-17, M Nov 16, 2015

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    Pretty sure an anti-joke classes

    as dark humour: Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.
    Stillnotbroken Stillnotbroken 18-21, F Sep 2, 2014

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    Cats have nine lives.

    Makes them ideal for experimentation.
    justthat1girl99 justthat1girl99 16-17, F Sep 27, 2015

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    So my French teacher told us to not say "Je me

    mange" because it literally translates to "I eat myself" and I was like what if some kid walks into the cafeteria with no a lunch and another kid asks," Where's your lunch? What are you going to eat?" And the kid responds with "Je me mange" and just pulls out a fork and starts...
    ForgottenLyric ForgottenLyric 16-17, M 2 Responses Nov 10, 2015

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    This is all he's getting this year.

    .. At the bottom of his stocking. Will he find it as funny as I do? Lol! We shall soon find out!;)
    Gracey0079 Gracey0079 36-40, F 2 Responses Dec 24, 2015

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    BadCatholic BadCatholic 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 12, 2015

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    What is red and is creeping up your leg?

    An abortion with homesickness.
    Hetaliainsanity Hetaliainsanity 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 12, 2015

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    This is really dark but not

    as bad as some jokes I've heard: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them
    Emenem123 Emenem123 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 6, 2015

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    Steve lies dying, as Jack,

    his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm...
    nostromo16 nostromo16 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 7, 2015

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    I was just talking to my mom about something

    and I was like why are you so dumb? She was like wow, you could do better than that. You don't sound very smart calling me dumb. SO I was like okay then.. You are perpetually inferior to the rest of the world and she was like okay that's better and than I was like yup you are...
    FadedDreams222 FadedDreams222 22-25, M 1 Response Oct 27, 2015

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    I can't stand pedophiles.

    ******* immature ******** !
    ShesSimplyKenny ShesSimplyKenny 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 6, 2015

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    "My dad's been having a hard time lately.

    Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to save his life. And he has tried everything too: little hook next to the door, little bowl next to his bed, a key chain that makes a noise when you whistle. Nothing worked. So finally, this year for his birthday, the...
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M Nov 9, 2015

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    This ine is literally black humor lol a black

    kid and his mother went to their father's funeral and to comfort the kid his mother said " when people die they turn into birds and join mother nature in a beautiful way sweety" , in their way home the little kid saw a black volture and said "Mommy look, I found daddy!!!"
    deleted deleted 26-30 Dec 15, 2015

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    Hitler's mother was yelling at him : Adolf!

    ! why are you killing all these jews in the gas chambers "Sorry mama I'll stop killing them " he replied, but then his mother slappled him " I don't care about the jews just don't waste my ******* gas, how many times do I have to tell you!! Who's gonna pay for that ****, your...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Dec 15, 2015

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    I don't believe Faith can move mountains

    but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers
    slider978 slider978 13-15, F 1 Response Sep 21, 2015

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    I just got a message from a necrophiliac

    telling me that they wished I was dead. Thanks for the compliment!
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 2 Responses Dec 3, 2015

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