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I Like Dark Humor

For those who find humor in the darker things ... 5,699 People

    "Life's a bowl of cherries

    and this is the pits"
    Dwari Dwari 22-25, M 1 Response Jun 12

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    2bz2cu 2bz2cu 56-60, M Jun 21

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    Mom: My throat is killing me Me: What

    if I were to slit my throat and leave a note saying I had a sore throat? *silence* Sister: ...That's not funny. Mom: That's really sad. Me: W-Why not? I thought it was ./.
    C9Poke C9Poke 16-17, M 2 Responses Mar 18

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    Crazy Coworker # 2

    This is the same coworker mentioned in my first post, Well he was telling us about how he and his ex wife would go to couple retreats, and every year they would have a creative theme for the weekend. He told us how one year it was a highschool theme and couple would wear old...
    siggy10 siggy10 31-35, M 2 Responses Oct 11, 2012

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    I'M Going To Medical School....

    It was the easiest application in the world, they're not going to charge me tuition, I won't have to buy books, I'll get free housing, and they're going to take me to classes everyday. I won't have to lift a finger, take exams, or study at all! It's the best deal in the...
    yintaozenthin yintaozenthin 46-50, F Nov 9, 2013

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    The BadCatholic's Last Rites Communication

    Network- "Someone better be dying!" <(officially the greatest motto. Ever.)
    BadCatholic BadCatholic 13-15, F 10 hrs ago

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    Has A Vacancy At The Grey Matter Motel

    Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my beer.
    possumballz possumballz 41-45, M 2 Responses Dec 13, 2012

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    During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally

    bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking out...
    Jzzmine Jzzmine 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 12

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    Why isn't Alaska part of Canada?

    Because the wilderness isn't for queers (Sorry if this is offensive)
    princeofmonsters princeofmonsters 16-17, M 2 Responses Mar 18

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    Why didn't Barbie ever get pregnant?

    Because Ken came in a different box.
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Mar 16

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    Im the kind to prank call.

    .. Especially with one of my friends... When we were like, only 8, we called someone named Patrick and we were yelling WERE SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD... "Patrick" said: "and I'm the one living under a rock eating sand?"
    Nataliebeans1 Nataliebeans1 13-15, F Mar 18

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    You ever say something to someone that's sort

    of vague and darkly humorous and they laugh, but if they knew what was actually happening they'd probably **** themselves?
    midniteinc midniteinc 31-35, M 1 Response Nov 12, 2014

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    BadCatholic BadCatholic 13-15, F 3 Responses Jun 12

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    I laugh at things that are "messed up"

    and have a somewhat morbid sense of humor. I also find things that are just plain strange amusing.
    allshadesofgrey allshadesofgrey 36-40, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    timmy loved blowing bubbles.

    bubbles was a man.
    TheDiamondMinecart TheDiamondMinecart 26-30, M 2 Responses Mar 8

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    Pretty sure an anti-joke classes

    as dark humour: Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.
    Stillnotbroken Stillnotbroken 18-21, F Sep 2, 2014

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    "when I grow up I'm opening a baby back ribs

    stand in front of an abortion clinic and my motto is gonna be 'I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs'" - courtesy of my sister XD
    DevilsDontFly DevilsDontFly 18-21, F 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    "Ladies and Gentlemen!

    You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's...
    Dwari Dwari 22-25, M May 23

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    I can't stand pedophiles.

    ******* immature ******** !
    ShesSimplyKenny ShesSimplyKenny 18-21, F 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    "He gained pleasure from receiving

    or inflicting pain. He felt alone until the election results revealed 36.9% of voters felt the same way." 50shadesofTory (twitter account making fun of right wing ideologies.) https://twitter.com/50ShadesOfTory https://twitter.com/UkipWeather
    50shadesofexodus 50shadesofexodus 26-30, F 1 Response May 12

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    Dark Cartoons.

    www.explosm.net it's a pretty good site with lots of dark cartoons.
    lazyker lazyker 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 28, 2007

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    I want to die like my grandpa did,

    in his sleep. I don't want to die like the passengers screaming. P.s. If you don't get the joke the grandpa was driving...
    SymphonyChild SymphonyChild 13-15, F 2 Responses Jun 12

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    Bad Enough

    It was bad enough that you had to make me drink that glass of diarrhea at gun point, but you just had to make me laugh so that I would blow it all out my nose.
    CopperCoil CopperCoil 36-40, M 5 Responses May 18, 2008

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    DevilsDontFly DevilsDontFly 18-21, F 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    What is red and is creeping up your leg?

    An abortion with homesickness.
    Hetaliainsanity Hetaliainsanity 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 12

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    Dark Humor Is Often Misunderstood

    Many people find the notion of even considering telling a joke about a horrific tragedy incredibly offensive. They believe there is no justification for finding humor in jokes about Aids, famine, mass-murder, rape, racism...and perhaps they are sometimes right. But of course...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Aug 18, 2013

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    So maybe Elizabeth Bathory had it

    right: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2015/05/20/young-blood-heals-aging-broken-bones/
    50shadesofexodus 50shadesofexodus 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    My friend and I watched Maze Runner in the

    theaters with another group of friends. Now Maze Runner is supposed to be funny. But dear god, when a character died at the end of the movie. Me and my friend just laughed (quietly of course because everyone else was sniffling during that scene) and me and my friend still can't...
    nuwandaisaphony nuwandaisaphony 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 25

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    When I was a kid I have no idea what black

    comedy was, so when I went on the wikipedia. The first picture I saw was the 'Hopscotch to oblivion' and it still gets a chuckle out of me.
    nuwandaisaphony nuwandaisaphony 16-17, F Mar 25

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    Cat: meow! Mom: I wonder what's wrong with him!

    He's been meowing all day. Sister: Maybe we need to take him to a doctor. Me: I can recommend Dr. 9mm
    C9Poke C9Poke 16-17, M Mar 18

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    This is really dark but not

    as bad as some jokes I've heard: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them
    Emenem123 Emenem123 13-15, F 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    What do you call a five year old with no

    friends? A sandy hook survivor.
    SarahLMadison SarahLMadison 18-21, F 3 Responses May 23

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    It Is My Weakness.

    I don't really have a dark sense of humor it just there one thing that gets me every time. Dead baby jokes. I know I am a horrible person and I shouldn't laugh but the crap that people can come up with. I in no way ever want this to happen to a real child or my own children...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Sep 14, 2011

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    A Mime Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

    A stunned world mourns the passing of its favorite, and most famous, mime - French entertainer Marcel Marceau.  Marceau developed his silent comedic style after watching the films of Charlie Chaplin.  Those who are interested in details of the funeral should note the...
    ElLagarto ElLagarto 56-60, M 6 Responses Sep 23, 2007

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    Dark humor is like food,

    not everybody gets it.
    rhythmix rhythmix 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 27

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    Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose

    dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
    Jzzmine Jzzmine 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 12

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    I like sarcastic black humor,

    touch of darkness but with taste.Some dark jokes are bad as in tasteless.
    4biandu 4biandu 31-35, F Nov 14, 2014

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    Me: Man, that girl is young enough to be my

    daughter! My Friend: But the important thing to remember is that she is NOT your daughter... Me: Well played sir.
    3Dogmatic 3Dogmatic 36-40, M 3 Responses Apr 5

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    50shadesofexodus 50shadesofexodus 26-30, F May 14

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    ok so here is a joke I've learned.

    Two women die and meet in heaven. The first one asks so how did you die? The second one replies "I froze to death." the second woman then asks the first " how did you die?" The first replies " I had a heart attack." The second woman asks " how did that happen?" The first one...
    ajrestless ajrestless 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 23, 2014

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    How many morbid jokes does it take to screw in

    a lightbulb? Not as many as there are dead puppies in the world
    Firestorm7375 Firestorm7375 16-17, F Apr 28, 2014

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    What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

    ..............The wheelchair. Haa? HAAA? Get it?
    FullMetalPanic FullMetalPanic 16-17, F 2 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    what's white, Sharp and.

    sits in the corner.... a kid with a Razer blaze. what's red, white and sits in the corner... the same kid two weeks later
    Tylerb17 Tylerb17 16-17, M 1 Response Jun 12

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    Q: How do you turn white chocolate into dark chocolate? A: Turn off the light.
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    iCuriousBabe iCuriousBabe 41-45, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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