I Like Funny Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 346 People

    Q: What's worse than a centipede with athlete's

    foot? A: A porcupine with split ends!! 😱😱
    drama16queen1997 drama16queen1997
    18-21
    1 Response May 19, 2014

    Little April was not the best student in Sunday

    school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD...
    cmyk323 cmyk323
    41-45, F
    1 Response Aug 9, 2015

    What did the egg say to the boiling water?

    It might take me a minute to get hard -- i just got laid by a chicken.
    Freakintheflesh Freakintheflesh
    18-21, F
    Dec 30, 2013

    Please tell me jokes!

    I'm bored as heck.
    isotope95 isotope95
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Aug 19, 2014

    If you were a cookie,

    you'd be a WHOREO.
    kellyjin1234 kellyjin1234
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Sep 28, 2015

    Call Centre Conversation

    Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.' Operator: 'What sort of trouble??' Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away...
    louidafly louidafly
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Nov 28, 2013

    I see a lot of I like jokes read them

    and they are not funny. Well neither is this, but this was not meant to be a joke.
    liveitover liveitover
    46-50, M
    1 Response Aug 7, 2014

    The teacher asked Jimmy,

    "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Feb 22

    A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in

    Peace" for her husband's tombstone. When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving. This was impossible; the words were chiseled and could not be changed. "In that case," she said, "please add 'Till We...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 25, 2014

    An ugly man walks into a bar

    and a beautiful woman approaches him... ... the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Sep 2, 2015

    There a woman in a wedding dress sitting on a

    park bench crying an old woman stops and ask whats a matter dear? the bride wipes her tears and say i have been planing my perfect day since i was a little girl i all ways though i was smart but i now realise i was wrong in all my planing for my perfect wedding there is one...
    CandiceMarieAllcoxx CandiceMarieAllcoxx
    22-25, T
    Jul 23, 2015

    After an elderly couple starts getting

    forgetful, they visit their doctor. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget...
    liLly3joy liLly3joy
    26-30
    1 Response Nov 1, 2014

    I like to laugh and smile

    but I don't a lot I just fake smile a lot so if you have a joke I would love 2 here it.
    scarlet6 scarlet6
    13-15, F
    Aug 21, 2014

    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to

    catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two...
    zydeko zydeko
    18-21
    May 2, 2015

    Adam went to his friend's house unannounced,

    and he wanted to spend the night. His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said, "You can sleep on the floor in the living room, or you can sleep in the room with Baby." Adam said that he would prefer the floor. The next morning he went to the...
    cmyk323 cmyk323
    41-45, F
    1 Response Aug 9, 2015

    I really enjoy funny jokes

    so if you have one to share hit me up.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Oct 27, 2015

    Wife turns to her husband babe i was thinking

    starting tonight we should start spanking each other a bit. Husband (Big cheesy grins) eee er erm yes dear but why all off a sudden you never wanted to before. Wife the doctor told me I'm pregnant so i figure we should get some practice in before the child arrives
    CandiceMarieAllcoxx CandiceMarieAllcoxx
    22-25, T
    1 Response Jun 23, 2015

    Never be rude to anyone.

    A tourist asked a boat guy in Zanzibar,Do you know Biology,Psychology,Geography,Geology and Criminology?The boat guy said,"No,I don't know any of these". The tourist then said"What the hell do u know...
    teachocolate teachocolate
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Dec 8, 2015

    A girl asks her boyfriend,

    "Would you ever take a bullet for me?" His response: "Yeah........cause I really want out of this relationship!" 😱😱😱
    drama16queen1997 drama16queen1997
    18-21
    1 Response May 5, 2014

    Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?

    " Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 30, 2014

    Flaslight A man and a woman started to have sex

    in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 16
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Dec 5, 2012
    scarlet6 scarlet6
    13-15, F
    3 Responses Sep 6, 2014
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