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I Like Funny Stories

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 700 People

    I went too a cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on my grans grave. As I was standing there I saw 4 grave diggers walking around with a coffin. 3 hours later they are still...
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Cursed - Three girls live together. Melissa is a born leader and smart. Kayla is very pretty and popular. Jessica is dumb. One day Melissa says to Kayla and Jessica," I think we...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 8, 2013

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    Lost In The Supermarket - The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Oct 22, 2013

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    My neighbour knocked on my door last night it was 3 am in the morning! Can you believe that 3 AM in the morning! Luckily for him I was still up practising on my bagpipes!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    My girlfriend thinks Im a stalker, well she's not exactly my girlfriend yet!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Martian Landing - Two Martians land in the middle of the night in a closed gas station. They get out of their space ship. The Martians go up to a gas pump. One says to the other...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 18, 2013

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    Like Father Like Son - Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 16, 2013

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    Three Guys And The Fridge - Three guys are at the gates of Heaven, and God tells them, "We have a special today! If you died a terrible death, you're in for free." So God asks the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    Last week I ordered food online not realizing I sent the order to my friend's house who lives 45 minutes away. That is because I ordered at their house previously and I wanted the...
    pancakequeen pancakequeen 22-25, F Feb 10

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    Code Word - There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday, from the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 22, 2013

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    Witches - Q: Why don't witches wear panties? A: So they can get a better grip on the broom!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    Me and my friend Emy were told to get something out of the music room by our music teacher and so we went in and when we were leaving i didn't grasp knob hard enough so I thought...
    MyaA13 MyaA13 13-15, F Feb 28

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    The Trick Side - Peter and Paul were talking about their wives. "Have you ever done it doggie style with your wife?" asked Peter. "Well, I don't think it qualifies," replied Paul...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 20, 2013

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    When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters P N E I S & form the name of an important human body part which is...
    thoughtfulheart thoughtfulheart 46-50, F 2 Responses Mar 31

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    Irish Joke from the famous duo Paddy & Mick. Paddy says " Mick, Im thinking of buying a Labrador Puppy." " Dont do it Paddy" says Mick. " have you seen how many owners go blind!"
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Me Behave ? Seriously !!! As a child, I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arriving home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove at over 200 miles...
    primnproper primnproper 46-50, F 8 Responses 6 days ago

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    I am reposting this after I read it in another EP group. :) 50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator 1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and...
    blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti 36-40, F 2 Responses Feb 3

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    Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good days," when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 3

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    Husband Number 10 - A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 13, 2013

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    "Pooping!" - We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince...
    CarlaW CarlaW 61-65, F 6 Responses Sep 9, 2013

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    The Grim Reaper came for me last night, so I beat him off with a Vacuum Cleaner. Talk about Dyson with Death!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    College Pride - A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 9, 2013

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    $100,000 - A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. I know, he says, they say 'you...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 23, 2013

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    I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady stopped me and asked if I could check her balance. So I pushed her over!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Last night I was in the pub having a beer at the bar when I heard 2 idiots saying that they wouldn't feel safe on a plane if they knew the pilot was a woman! I thought "WHAT A PAIR...
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Praying And Sleeping - Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Nov 5, 2013

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    I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor, so only had £ 1.20 in her purse!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Clearer Instructions - I had unintentionally become the center of attraction at the supermarket this afternoon. I was standing in the queue to make payment. When it was my turn to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    Normally I share things in this group that are funny stories I received from my friends on Pogo, but I am watching one of my favorite game shows on Game Show Network called Chain...
    blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti 36-40, F Jan 11

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    Trophy Wife - I got a trophy wife. I know thats not right to say, cause if you're married, thats your trophy. Im just saying not everybody got a first place trophy. Some people end...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 3, 2013

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    Train Test - Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 6, 2013

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    A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and Started canvassing a nearby well-to-do...
    blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 25

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    Wrong Email Address - A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day. When he reached...
    primnproper primnproper 46-50, F 7 Responses Jul 27, 2013

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    A teddy bear is working on a building site and goes for a lunch break. When he returns he finds that he has had his pick stolen. The angry bear marches into the fore mans office...
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Starbucks - I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas. The place was packed but the music was...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 29, 2013

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    I just got back from my friends funeral this morning. He died after being hit on the head by a tennis ball. It was a lovely service....!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Drunken Wisdom #1 - Never sing in the shower, singing leads to dancing and dancing leads to slipping, lets face it, the staff down at A&E are never going to believe how the shampoo...
    Butterflyshoes Butterflyshoes 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 25, 2012

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    I Joined Just to Tell This One - I had several doctors' appointments yesterday, and after they were done, I stopped in 1 of the hospital washrooms on the way out...
    IAmStillSomeone IAmStillSomeone 41-45, F 9 Responses Jun 18, 2009

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    "Hello, This Is Customer Service..." Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 1

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    Be careful what you wish for... A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord...
    blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 25

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    An Obscure Tale On morning, a valgus hobberdehoy was cornobbled by a very old leptorrhinian calcographer. "You twiddlepoopy liripoop!" faffled the hobberdehoy, "You've given me a...
    Chirogymnast Chirogymnast 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 7

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    Christmas Train Delay - A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Oct 23, 2013

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    Arrived Safely - Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer to let her know he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 22, 2013

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    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest pneis she had ever had her hands on. I said, "Your pulling my leg"!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to the pet shop and they were £ 100! I though blow this, I can get one cheaper off the web!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who stabbed 8 people in the butt in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following a pattern!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    I woke up last night to find the ghost of gloria gaynor standing at the foot of my bed! At first I was afraid... then I was petrified!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    Murphy says to Paddy! What ya talking into an envelope at me for Paddy? Paddys says " Murphy you stupid man Im trying to send you s voicemail"
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    I adore one line comedy and short stories : 1. Fact: 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy!
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M Feb 3

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    The wife was counting all the 1p and 2p coins on the kitchen table when suddenly she got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason at me. I thought to myself "She's...
    yugecin yugecin 41-45, M 1 Response Feb 3

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    Midge's Baked Chicken Recipe - Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 20, 2013

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    Knock Knock - "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Bobby Valentine" "Who?"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 21, 2013

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