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I Like Funny Stories

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,853 People

    Ol' Fred had been a religious man

    who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece...
    fairone fairone 46-50, F 6 Responses Dec 4, 2015

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    The Smiths were unable to conceive children

    and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Around half an hour later, and just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 10 Responses Nov 18, 2015

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    Never looked Better.

    At the funeral of a family friend,I was chatting to June,an elderly lady I hadn't seen since I was a teenager.I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I'd become. On the journey home,I remarked to my...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 9 Responses Mar 29, 2015

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    While walking along the sidewalk in front of

    his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 3 Responses Sep 27, 2015

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    Wrong Email Address

    A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and...
    primnproper primnproper 46-50, F 7 Responses Jul 27, 2013

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    Aha! (a true story) I was chatting to this guy

    who told me he's from Denmark but has been living in the UK for a long time. His name was Morten. "Wow, there's a singer called Morten Harket from a pop group from way back in the 80s, but I can't think of their name right now," I said. "Don't know!" he said. "They had a hit...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F Jan 15

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    A new business was opening

    and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 27, 2015

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    Johnny and his wife went to the State Fair

    every year. Every year Johnny would say, "I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year his wife would say, "I know, Johnny, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." This one year Johnny and his wife went to the fair and Johnny said, "I'm...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 4 Responses Jun 12, 2015

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    A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown

    ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 27, 2015

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    [True story] My grandparents have a very large

    yard. They have quite a few animals, so there are always haystacks there. My grandpa stacked five of them and pinned a target in the center. Us kids like to use these stacks and targets for archery. One day, we ran out of targets. We had ordered pizza earlier that day from...
    Quietec Quietec 13-15, F Jan 10

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    A man goes to the supermarket

    and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 11 Responses Nov 26, 2015

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    The historical moment in a guy's life is

    when a girl asks, "Can I add you on Whatsapp?"
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F Nov 8, 2015

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    Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.

    While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar...
    fairone fairone 46-50, F 4 Responses Dec 5, 2015

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    My girlfriend invited me to her house where I

    found her sister alone. So I sat there waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievable sexy sister was sitting there with me. A few moments go by, then she comes up next to me, and whisper in my ear "we should have sex before my sister comes home." I immediately got up and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jun 21, 2014

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    An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office

    filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many children she has? "Ten boys." "And their names?" "Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, and Leroy." "All named Leroy? Why would you name them all Leroy?" "That way, when I wants them all to...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 3 Responses Oct 6, 2015

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    Baptist Cowboy A cowboy walks into a bar in

    Texas, orders three mugs of Bud and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 4 Responses Sep 27, 2015

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    Because It's Christmas (A true story

    that happened  to me on Christmas day.) I sent a message via WhatsApp to my cousin, who is based in France but works abroad, to wish him Happy Christmas. A few minutes later, I received a text from him wishing me the same. I thought it was odd that he had responded via text...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F Jan 10

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    Three tourists were driving through Wales.

    As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 2 Responses Oct 6, 2015

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    A priest offered a Nun a lift.

    She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his...
    Shivang05 Shivang05 22-25, M 1 Response Jun 17, 2015

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    Spell Cheque Eye halve a spelling chequer It

    came with my pea sea Itplainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 5 Responses Oct 3, 2015

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    The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small

    congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking down Main St., he noticed a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do. He walked through the...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 8 Responses Aug 29, 2015

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    Me Behave ? Seriously !

    !! As a child, I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arriving home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove at over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos, Pac man ran around to digital music...
    primnproper primnproper 46-50, F 7 Responses Apr 11, 2014

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    (This is supposedly a true account recorded in

    the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 5, 2015

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    I Joined Just to Tell This One

    I had several doctors' appointments yesterday, and after they were done, I stopped in 1 of the hospital washrooms on the way out.  Just had to go. From what I heard, there were a few other women in there...not a problem.  One (which I found out...
    IAmStillSomeone IAmStillSomeone 41-45, F 10 Responses Jun 18, 2009

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    Lost In The Supermarket

    The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 5 Responses Oct 22, 2013

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    A washed up actor hasn't gotten a job in years.

    He has lost his ability to remember lines. But after looking for work for a very long time, finally he gets the lead role in a Broadway musical. When he arrives at the theater the director tells him, "You have the most important part, but you only have one line. You walk onto...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 5 Responses Apr 21, 2015

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    A lady was picking up several items at a

    discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13,TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 5 Responses Sep 5, 2015

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    A married couple got into an accident

    and the husband's face was badly burned. The doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come...
    Shivang05 Shivang05 22-25, M 3 Responses Aug 19, 2015

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    The only cow in a small town in Arkansas

    stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow in North Carolina, for $200.00. They bought the cow from N. C. and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 4 Responses Oct 6, 2015

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    A Difficult Question!

    A little boy walks in to the kitchen one Sunday morning while his dad is reading the paper. "Where does poo come from?" he asks. The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5-year-old son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says, "Well you know we...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 2 Responses Nov 6, 2015

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    Business is Business One day many years ago at

    a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 20 bucksto the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 4 Responses Nov 6, 2015

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    A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on

    1-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/West Virginia State line.. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley, WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late. The trooper...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 14, 2015

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    A man enters a barbershop

    for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The man places the...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 2 Responses Sep 27, 2015

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    My Greatest Inspiration Over the years I've

    had many experiences that have inspired me to be true to myself.   So far, my greatest inspiration has been a young man I met about four years ago called Leslie. Before I met Leslie, I'd heard about those rare humans whose only desire is to serve humanity. Leslie fits that...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F Jan 18

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    New Supermarket! A new supermarket opened in

    San Antonio, Texas. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay. In the...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 4 Responses Nov 5, 2015

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    Warm Beer!!! A man in the pub orders a beer.

    He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer. Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 Response Nov 5, 2015

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    For his birthday, little Patrick asked

    for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 6 Responses Jun 12, 2015

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    Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello,

    this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T. Me: Ok, hold on. At this point, I put the phone...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 5 Responses Sep 27, 2015

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    "Hello, This Is Customer Service.

    .." Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 5 Responses Mar 1, 2014

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    Damn Parking Enforcement I went to the shop

    the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, how about giving a man a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Oct 6, 2014

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    A man was driving along the motorway

    when he saw two penguins standing in the hard shoulder. They looked lost, so he picked them up and put them in the back seat of his car. He then goes to the gas station to fill up and while he is there the attendant notices the penguins in the back seat. He says to the man...
    fairone fairone 46-50, F 8 Responses Jan 19

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    A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer.

    The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor. As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 1 Response Oct 6, 2015

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    Mike was going to be married to Karen,

    so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on.' She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' I...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 5 Responses Nov 24, 2015

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    So a butterfly goes up to a caterpillar.

    The butterfly says,"Someday you will be beautiful, just like me." the caterpillar assaults the butterfly and says,"***** IM ALREADY BEAUTIFUL" and walks away with a smile on juts face.
    zaylabug11 zaylabug11 13-15, F Sep 28, 2015

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    What Are You Like? (A true story inspired by

    my late mum) So I was having a conversation with my mother. "Do you realise you use the word "like" when you speak?" she said "Do I? I wasn't, like, aware I was doing it," I said. "You've done it again!" "Sorry, mum. At least, like, now I can be more aware when I speak...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 2 Responses Jan 16

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