At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer...
So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that...
Q: How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
A: Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!
in astronomy class...
le teacher: why are there rings on saturn?
le student: kus god liked it so he put a ring on it
le teacher: god is not a single lady
I could honestly say you've been on my mind
Since I woke up today
I look at your photograph all the time
These memories come back to life
And I don't mind
I remember when we...
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me < 3
My friend and I had been friends for over 6 years. But when we started secondary school she changed. She wasn't her usual self anymore. She bullied me severely, I was pushed to...
Don't ever say goodbye , that means bye for forever . Say cya later so the other person knows your not leaving
The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.
I like watching crime scene investigation versions and bones when I'm doing ironing at the weekend
My friend got fired from his job selling home security systems.
If no one was home, he would leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to...
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? Says the...
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven...
There was a show opening up for the elephant man, my girlfriend went over to see and they thought she was making a guest appearance.
When I awoke this morning,
the air was soft and still.
A little robin came and sat
upon my window sill.
He tipped his head and looked at me,
with eyes so bright and clear...
A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and...
A mother carefully explained to her young daughter how children were created. She used the expression “carrying a child” instead of “pregnant,” but the girl seemed...
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want...
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied...
This is something I'd totally do.
One day I'm going to have to hack into the Pentagon . Jk...
Q: Why did the blonde think it was Sunday?
A: Because the sun was out.
**** gays, lesbians, transgenders, pansexuals, bi's, and heterosexuals...**** everybody lol
I read in my.local newspaper that the toilet was stolen from our Police station.., if you can believe that!
The cops have nothing to go on!
A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in Peace" for her husband's tombstone. When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to...
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
What did the cannibal get when he arrived late to the party?
A cold shoulder! 💀
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first. 😃😄👍
Great show!! Does anyone know if this show would be in hulu or Netflix ? It would be DYNO -MITE!!! If someone could tell me. Thanks :)
Tonight I bleed myself dry. I bleed myself dry. I bleed myself dry.
And nothing I could ever write, would help you understand this life
There's so much beauty when your eyes lay...
I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine...
I don't need no arms around me
I don't need no drugs to calm me
I have seen the writing on the wall
Don't think I need anything at all
No don't think I'll need anything at all...
"If you don't know where you want to go, then it doesn't matter which path you take" - Alice in Wonderland
Ship is always safe at shore but that is not what it's built for
And life's just all a game,
And we're here to play.
But surely and slowly,
I think that this flame has burned out.
And I've seen what life does.
Don't remind us
That we can't...
They can bite too hard.
Or never come from jerks.
Or require we lie about liking jerks.
They really bite too hard.
Life is a walk to remember. Our tomorrows are determined by the steps we take each day. Every sunset gives us one day less to live but every sunrise gives us one day more to hope...
I watched one tree hill, prison break, now I'm watching Lincoln heights
East Bound and Down hands down is the funniest show I have watched in a long time. Just bought all 3 seasons
Many people often doubt the powers of prayer. But God is there- listening. Satan wants you to throw in the towell on praying. But don't. Keep praying. God answers those who are...
Once upon a time I was on whisper ( an app that let's you tell secrets with out people knowing who you are)and I was looking up posts about suicide .One was of a girl/boy who was...
Good books, like good friends, are few and chosen; the more select, the more enjoyable.
Louisa May Alcott
Oldie but goodie.
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome...
THE EVE OF CREATION
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?" God asks her.
"Lord," she says, "I know you've...