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I Like Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 567 People

    A Couple....

    .....is shopping in the mall for hours. The wife turns to talk to her husband and realizes he’s nowhere in sight. Angry, she calls his cell phone and asks where he disappeared to. “Honey,” he says, “remember that jewelry store we walked by a few years ago, and you loved...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 2 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    "ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE"GUY 1 : i have been doing

    the ice bucket challenge for a long time, but. ...GUY 2: but why?GUY 1. : but after few shots the ice finishes
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 Response Sep 1

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    Once two ladies came

    before King Solomon, fighting over a boy. “He’s my son-in law” one said “No he’s mine” countered the other. After thinking for a few minutes the King finally decided on a ruling. “Bring me my sword and we will cut the boy in half, they will each get half.” “No...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 24

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    I could be a limo driver

    for the next ten years and I'd still have nothing to chauffeur it.
    baconrind baconrind 26-30, M 1 Response Sep 10

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    Wife: you did not have a rag on your back

    when i married you. Husband: well. Anyway. I have plenty of them now
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 3 days ago

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    Three old ladies are sitting in a diner,

    chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Boyfriend 1: Can I touch your boobs?

    Girlfriend 1: Shut up!!!! Boyfriend2: Can I touch your heartbeats? Girlfriend2 : Ooooh!! How sweet!!! Rishta wahi soch nai.... A Very Important Message From God - To all women lying under somebody in bed and screaming: Oh My God.... Oh God... Oh My Good God....... Will not...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes

    one Sunday morning that was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning." After the service, a visitor from another...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 4

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    Son of A Lawyer While two families were

    waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted. "My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Adam," replied the second. "My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua. Adam proudly replied...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 14

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    The Birds and The Bees A teacher was giving

    her six-year-olds class their first lesson about the birds and the bees. "When you grow up, you will get married and after about a year, a bird called a stork will fly in through the window and deliver a baby." A hand goes up at the back of the class. "Yes, Little Johnny?" the...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 day ago

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    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an

    after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 31

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    A guy walked into a doctor's office

    and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." So she took down his name, address, and medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." So she took down his...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 21

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    Q: Why are pirates so mean?

    A: I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 28

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    Old yachtsmen never die,

    they just keel over*
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 18

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    The census taker knocked on Donna's door.

    She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did my next door neighbors, Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill, tell you THEIR ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied. "Well, I'm the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    The Divorce Lawyer

    Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged man standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with hearts. He then takes out a scent bottle and starts spraying perfume over them. Bill’s curiosity gets the better of...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Teacher: how do u spell Czechoslovakia?

    Student : oh well, you never do that, you simply copy paste
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 Response Aug 28

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    Heavenly Marital Help

    Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Glad I Am Not A Car.

                                                                                                                                      If my body was...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 5 Responses Jul 15, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 1

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7

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    Cold Balls!!! Ladies discussing their sex life.

    ..!!! Mrs Butler, "I notice that when I go down on Butler and give a ******* his balls are always cold." Mrs Anderson, "Mr Anderson's balls are cold too, when I give *******." Mrs Taylor is shocked, "How can you both do such thing, It is disgusting." Both explain to Mrs...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 day ago

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    Q: What do you get when you cross a computer

    with an elephant? A: Lots of memory!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses May 18

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    Q: Why are people like a box of chocolates?

    A: Some have nuts and some don't!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 17

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    Q: Why do hens lay eggs?

    A: If they dropped them, they'd break. Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels. Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here? A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    Gimme All Your MoneyA man was walking down a

    street in Washington. A man walking behind him suddenly pulled out a gun and said, "Gimme all your money, now!"The victim said, "You can't do this to me! I'm a Congressman!"The robber thought for a moment, then said, "In that case, gimme all of MY money!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 27, 2013

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    Dog For Sale :

           A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale".  He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 8 Responses Aug 10, 2013

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    Another Good Joke...ha ha ha ha ha A man was

    driving a car ... A fat lady on a scooty overtook him !! Man shouted : "Hey Buffalo" Lady turned back and shouted : "You donkey, idiot, stupid monkey" Suddenly she had an accident She was hit by a buffalo crossing the road.. MORAL : " Sometime Ladies don't understand what...
    satyr1007 satyr1007 26-30, M 1 Response Aug 20

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    Why I Like To Get Behind Men At The ATM

          A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 6 Responses Aug 6, 2013

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    A Girl's First Time As you lie back your

    muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Biscuits & Doughnuts!

    An admiral visits one of the ships under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the naval insignia stamped on every biscuit. He went to the cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command. The cook...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 day ago

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    Did you know in the Christian world there is

    only one thing worse than a wickedly horrible perverted sinner... An atheist.
    deprogramme deprogramme 51-55, F Apr 22

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    A guy wants to become a magician

    so he goes out and buys a magician book. Later he gathers his family around the living room for his first trick. Reading his new book he reaches into a bag and pulls out a hammer and to the amazement of his family hits himself in the head with it. He's unconscious and spends a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd

    found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 28

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    INSTALLING HUSBAND A woman writes to the IT

    Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In...
    poisonlady poisonlady 31-35, F 8 Responses Mar 26

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    "Cash, check or charge?

    " the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked. "No," she replied. "But my husband refused...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    For Those Over 70

    I am not in the over 70 group, but someone sent this to me and I thought it was funny. Hopefully you will too.       Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)   Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!! A good laugh for people in...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 3 Responses Sep 5, 2013

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    I was trying to get my seventh-grade history

    class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7

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    The girl knelt in the confessional

    and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 16

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    Wife: i hate you when you drink Husband:

    darling i hate you when i dont drink
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 2 Responses Aug 28

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    Teacher: Little Johnny,

    go to the map and find North America. Little Johnny: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? Class: Little Johnny!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jul 1

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    How do you make 100 old ladies yell,

    "F***!" at the same time? Have another one of them yell, "BINGO!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 15

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    Two men playing golf were held up by two women

    playing in front of them. One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up." When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress." The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up." He came back...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    What Do You Get...

    ...when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac? … a person who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F Aug 12, 2013

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    Little Johnny... Geometry Teacher: "Little

    Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'" Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 19

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    Undeniable Adult Truths

      Undeniable Adult Truths   1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.   2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.   3. I totally take back all those...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 8 Responses Jul 31, 2013

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    Old man comes into a restaurant,

    sits at his usual table, and orders the usual — matzoh ball soup. The waiter sets it down in front of him, and stands back to watch him enjoy it. But the man just sits there. “Is there something wrong?” the waiter asks. “I can’t eat this soup,” the man replies. “Is...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 4

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    A Man....

    ....goes into the Job Center in downtown Denver and sees an ad for a gynecologist’s assistant. Interested, he asks the clerk for details. The clerk says, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 3 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    Low MarksMother: Why did you get

    such a low marks on that test?Junior: Because of absence.Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Dec 28, 2013

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    What is a word made up of 4 letters,

    yet is also made up of 3. Sometimes is written with 9 letters, and then with 4. Rarely consists of 6, and never is written with 5.
    Maveric0484 Maveric0484 26-30, M 3 Responses a week ago

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      GHOST SEX A professor at the Auburn

    University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?' About 90 students raise their hands. Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a...
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 4 Responses Sep 8

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    Trying a New Drink A man goes into a bar very

    thirsty. He sits down waiting for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink he...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 day ago

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    The Polish Man

    A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was NOT perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on...
    HedoZen HedoZen 41-45, F 9 Responses Sep 14, 2013

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