one morning and got to thinking about things.
"Mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Johnny thought for a second and said...
ostrich behind him.
As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order...
When I was in school we had a letter writing day n teacher would pick n read one out loud..
Randomly my letter was picked,my letter was address to my mom.I wrote
Who are you?
How are you?
My teacher plus the whole class burst into laughter well...
woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live. Upon her...
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son.
College of London, a professor, whose last name was Wilson, disliked him intensely. Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected, there were always confrontations.
One day, Professor Wilson was having lunch at the dining room of the University...
..she took it round the corner to teach it how too... fry some eggs for breakfast, fry some eggs for tea, the more you eat, the more you drink the more you want too... peeter had a boat, the boat began to rock, up jumped jaws and bit off his cocktail, ginger ale, forty cents a...
his friend invited him for a thanksgiving service. When it was time for offering, the offering basket was passed around. Despite the Pastor's charge for
generous offering, he still hurriedly and secretly pulled out GHC 1.00 from his pocket and dropped it.
Just then, the person...
found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went...
.....is shopping in the mall for hours. The wife turns to talk to her husband and realizes he’s nowhere in sight. Angry, she calls his cell phone and asks where he disappeared to. “Honey,” he says, “remember that jewelry store we walked by a few years ago, and you loved...
he walked up to the barman and said, "I'll have a cold beer."
"Certainly, sir, that'll be one cent."
"One cent?" the man thought. Then he glanced at a menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and s bottle of wine?"
The barman replied, "A nickel."
"Only a nickel! That...
twice in a moment, but never in a trillion years?
This hass been my favorite riddle of all time since I was really young. I have no idea why. It's super simple and everything. But I always got stumped on it when I was really really little. just like this one:
Steve is in...
wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about...
After his first day at work he got back to the office. The boss ask him how many poles he got set.Buck said two. The boss said the other crews got ten, what's wrong with you? Buck said, well you should how much they left out of the ground!
and says father there some thing i have to tell you you might want take a sit down cos it going to be hard for you to hear this. The father sits down and the son says dad i think I'm gay i like other boys. The father looks at the son and o thank bleep for that the way you dress...
standard of English used by the inmates of his prison. To rectify this problem he decides to employ a teacher from the local grammar school to set up remedial English classes. In the first lesson, the teacher explains that she is going to start with the basics. "Who knows what...
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was NOT perfect, they got along very well
until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he
could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on...
pulls out a gun, and robs the bank...
Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me
rob this bank?"
The customer replies, "YES!"
The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him
in the head and kills him!
He then moves to the...
pickle said to the penis how would you like to.be me I get choped up dised up sliced up thrown on a sandwich and aten the penis said to the pickel you think you got it bad I get forced in to deep dark caves and made to do pushups tull I puke.
you mind if I sit beside you??
The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said...
"Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!" When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen...
bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course", comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."
the teacher instructed his students to write a composition.
Question.Assume you are in a war,write a story on your experience?
Akpos did not write anything and kept seated.the teacher got puzzled,walked to akpos' desk and asked him why he was not doing the exercise.
and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a...
suddenly he gets up and starts to take off his clothes, the teacher sees and asks, "what are you doing?" the boy said " answering question 3", the teacher, confused asked "what's number 3?", the said "it says write in brief a description of your house"