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I Like Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 4,621 People

    Baldness Little Johnny was eating breakfast

    one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Johnny thought for a second and said...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Feb 26, 2015

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    A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown

    ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Jan 28, 2015

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    Well this joke is on me,

    When I was in school we had a letter writing day n teacher would pick n read one out loud.. Randomly my letter was picked,my letter was address to my mom.I wrote Dear mom, Who are you? Instead of Dear mom, How are you? My teacher plus the whole class burst into laughter well...
    beautyndbeast beautyndbeast 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 2

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    The Guardian Angel's Mistake A middle aged

    woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live. Upon her...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    Knock knock.  Who's there?

      To.  To who?  To whom! Highbrow literary humor is what's what now days... What, 'two' soon?!?! - Laugh at more jokes and you'll get a flatter stomach...
    zacqknight zacqknight 36-40, M 1 Response Dec 23, 2015

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    Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids

    overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son. "I...
    lasergraph lasergraph 61-65, M 9 Responses Jun 25, 2015

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    When Gandhi was studying law at the University

    College of London, a professor, whose last name was Wilson, disliked him intensely. Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected, there were always confrontations. One day, Professor Wilson was having lunch at the dining room of the University...
    Injoy1767 Injoy1767 46-50, F 2 Responses Aug 15, 2015

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    My grandson was visiting one day

    when he asked, Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike? I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "Now, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Feb 7, 2015

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    Mary had a little lamb she also had a duck.

    ..she took it round the corner to teach it how too... fry some eggs for breakfast, fry some eggs for tea, the more you eat, the more you drink the more you want too... peeter had a boat, the boat began to rock, up jumped jaws and bit off his cocktail, ginger ale, forty cents a...
    foReverYOURS3211 foReverYOURS3211 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 5, 2015

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    On Sunday, akpors was sitting in the church.

    his friend invited him for a thanksgiving service. When it was time for offering, the offering basket was passed around. Despite the Pastor's charge for generous offering, he still hurriedly and secretly pulled out GHC 1.00 from his pocket and dropped it. Just then, the person...
    newport50 newport50 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 27, 2015

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    Glad I Am Not A Car.

                                                                                                                                      If my body was...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 4 Responses Jul 15, 2013

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    CAT: Dirty Blondes What does a Blonde say

    after having multiple *******? Way to go Team!!! - Laugh at more jokes and you'll get a flatter stomach...
    zacqknight zacqknight 36-40, M Jan 2

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    A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd

    found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Mar 28, 2014

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    A Couple....

    .....is shopping in the mall for hours. The wife turns to talk to her husband and realizes he’s nowhere in sight. Angry, she calls his cell phone and asks where he disappeared to. “Honey,” he says, “remember that jewelry store we walked by a few years ago, and you loved...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    A man walked into a bar,

    he walked up to the barman and said, "I'll have a cold beer." "Certainly, sir, that'll be one cent." "One cent?" the man thought. Then he glanced at a menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and s bottle of wine?" The barman replied, "A nickel." "Only a nickel! That...
    zacqknight zacqknight 36-40, M 3 Responses Jan 1

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    Queation: What happens one in a minute,

    twice in a moment, but never in a trillion years? This hass been my favorite riddle of all time since I was really young. I have no idea why. It's super simple and everything. But I always got stumped on it when I was really really little. just like this one: Steve is in...
    redpanda1997 redpanda1997 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 5

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    A man entered a pet shop,

    wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars." "Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered. The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer." The man asked about...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 8 Responses May 13, 2015

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    A guy goes to see his doctor,

    and the doctor tells him, "You've got to stop ************." And the guy's like, "What, why?" The doctor replies, "So I can examine you."
    zacqknight zacqknight 36-40, M 1 Response Dec 23, 2015

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    Uncle Buck just got a job at the phone co.

    After his first day at work he got back to the office. The boss ask him how many poles he got set.Buck said two. The boss said the other crews got ten, what's wrong with you? Buck said, well you should how much they left out of the ground!
    wd402 wd402 51-55, M Jan 19

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    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 Response Dec 8, 2015

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    A son walk up to his dad

    and says father there some thing i have to tell you you might want take a sit down cos it going to be hard for you to hear this. The father sits down and the son says dad i think I'm gay i like other boys. The father looks at the son and o thank bleep for that the way you dress...
    CandiceMarieAllcoxx CandiceMarieAllcoxx 18-21, T 1 Response Nov 27, 2015

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    A prison governor is appalled by the poor

    standard of English used by the inmates of his prison. To rectify this problem he decides to employ a teacher from the local grammar school to set up remedial English classes. In the first lesson, the teacher explains that she is going to start with the basics. "Who knows what...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 6 Responses May 10, 2015

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    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 1 Response Dec 8, 2015

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    I love them!!!! They lift my mood up

    and I love it when I ask people about jokes and riddles !!!!!
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 3

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    Will a lion cheat on his wife?

    .. .. .. .. No, but Tiger Wood..!!
    nicktime nicktime 31-35, M 2 Responses Sep 25, 2014

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    The Polish Man

    A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was NOT perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on...
    HedoZen HedoZen 41-45, F 9 Responses Sep 14, 2013

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    A man walks in a bank,

    pulls out a gun, and robs the bank... Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies, "YES!" The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him in the head and kills him! He then moves to the...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jan 22, 2015

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    Q: Why are pirates so mean?

    A: I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 28, 2014

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    LACTOSE INTOLERANT. About those people

    who are lactose intolerant, isn't that another form of discrimination? ~
    TheOriginalRandyD TheOriginalRandyD 51-55, M Jan 25

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    Its better to arrive late.

    ........than to arrive ugly!
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 3 Responses Feb 5, 2015

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    Teacher: "Billy, name two pronouns.

    " Billy: "Who, me?" Teacher: Well done!"
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 7 Responses May 16, 2015

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    I was conceive and born in water

    but if fell into water l die instantly: What am l?
    newport50 newport50 18-21, M 3 Responses Nov 6, 2015

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    The pickel and the penis were talking the

    pickle said to the penis how would you like to.be me I get choped up dised up sliced up thrown on a sandwich and aten the penis said to the pickel you think you got it bad I get forced in to deep dark caves and made to do pushups tull I puke.
    111Adamjoseph 111Adamjoseph 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 23

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    I took a sexual harassment course this morning .

    ...I think I'm gonna be pretty good at it.
    slingshot007 slingshot007 46-50, M Jan 6

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    A monkey was watching a human couple under a

    tree.....and wondering..... What magic is this??!!! "The banana never ends even after so many BITES. LOL
    wintersecret wintersecret 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 9, 2015

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    guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do

    you mind if I sit beside you?? The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said...
    msb2015 msb2015 26-30, M 3 Responses Aug 24, 2015

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    A boy asks his father,

    "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
    beautyndbeast beautyndbeast 22-25, F Jan 2

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    Q: What do you get when you cross a computer

    with an elephant? A: Lots of memory!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 5 Responses May 18, 2014

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    newport50 newport50 18-21, M 2 Responses Nov 27, 2015

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    You got me! A customer walks into a restaurant

    and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!" When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 5 Responses Oct 21, 2014

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    A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a

    bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course", comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Scotland", replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland." "Of...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 5 Responses Dec 30, 2014

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    During an English lesson,

    the teacher instructed his students to write a composition. Question.Assume you are in a war,write a story on your experience? Akpos did not write anything and kept seated.the teacher got puzzled,walked to akpos' desk and asked him why he was not doing the exercise. akpos...
    newport50 newport50 18-21, M 2 Responses Dec 1, 2015

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    A policeman pulled a car over

    and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jun 27, 2014

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    What do you call a housewife

    that do everything including home repairs?.. A. A domestic Engineer!! Haha
    Jacy5064 Jacy5064 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 26, 2015

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    A student was doing an English paper,

    suddenly he gets up and starts to take off his clothes, the teacher sees and asks, "what are you doing?" the boy said " answering question 3", the teacher, confused asked "what's number 3?", the said "it says write in brief a description of your house"
    nerdylex nerdylex 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 7, 2015

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