Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Like Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,590 People

    Dog For Sale :

           A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale".  He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 9 Responses Aug 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Can you spell that? Summer vacation was over

    and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought for a few seconds and said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sarah was reading a newspaper,

    while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The pro football team had just finished their

    daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 29 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Bonjovi11 Bonjovi11 13-15, M 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Harry came home from Sunday school

    and asked his mother, "Do people really come from dust?" "In a way yes," said his mother. "And do they go back to dust?" "Yes, in a way." She replied. "Well, mother, I looked under my bed, and somebody's either coming or going."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The robbery Two friends,

    Jim and Paul are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, Jim slips something into Paul...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 14, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q: What do you get when you cross a computer

    with an elephant? A: Lots of memory!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses May 18, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How do you make 100 old ladies yell,

    "F***!" at the same time? Have another one of them yell, "BINGO!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 15, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q: Why are pirates so mean?

    A: I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a

    bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course", comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Scotland", replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland." "Of...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 5 Responses Dec 30, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 16, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was testing the children in my Sunday school

    class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?" "NO!" the children answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Lol to much LOTR and Hobbit.

    .. I wanna solve riddles now...
    JJjones0 JJjones0 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    You got me! A customer walks into a restaurant

    and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!" When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Oct 21, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q: What is heavy forwards

    but not backwards? A: Ton
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once two ladies came

    before King Solomon, fighting over a boy. “He’s my son-in law” one said “No he’s mine” countered the other. After thinking for a few minutes the King finally decided on a ruling. “Bring me my sword and we will cut the boy in half, they will each get half.” “No...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Half drunk A man comes home from a night of

    drinking. As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him: "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" The man replies: "I'm sorry, honey. I ran out of money."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One day a man called the church office

    and said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who? The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Merv was in a terrible accident at work.

    He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 3 Responses Dec 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Teacher: Little Johnny,

    go to the map and find North America. Little Johnny: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? Class: Little Johnny!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jul 1, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd

    found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A gentleman entered a busy florist shop

    that displayed a large sign that read, "Say It With Flowers." "Wrap up one rose," he told the florist. "Only one?" the florist asked. "Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Glad I Am Not A Car.

                                                                                                                                      If my body was...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 5 Responses Jul 15, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This is a good one. Why is Charlie Hebdo

    written in French? Answer below
    3xUtnapishtim7 3xUtnapishtim7 26-30 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In surgery for a heart attack,

    a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Oct 5, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Undeniable Adult Truths

      Undeniable Adult Truths   1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.   2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.   3. I totally take back all those...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 8 Responses Jul 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Guardian Angel's Mistake A middle aged

    woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live. Upon her...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Nov 2, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Inoculations A client brought a litter of

    golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 2 Responses Dec 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Old man comes into a restaurant,

    sits at his usual table, and orders the usual — matzoh ball soup. The waiter sets it down in front of him, and stands back to watch him enjoy it. But the man just sits there. “Is there something wrong?” the waiter asks. “I can’t eat this soup,” the man replies. “Is...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 4, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?

    A: You can see right through them.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Oct 30, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an

    after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 31, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    CDC ALERT! The Center

    for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.! This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of...
    theMindofAwesome theMindofAwesome 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Salty Water Two buddies are fishing,

    but they haven’t caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?" The other fisherman replies,” If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    For Those Over 70

    I am not in the over 70 group, but someone sent this to me and I thought it was funny. Hopefully you will too.       Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)   Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!! A good laugh for people in...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 3 Responses Sep 5, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How many elephant can you fit in a Volkswagen?

    Answer; 5- 2 in the front seat, 2 in the back seat and.......one in the ash tray:))))
    johnny253 johnny253 66-70, M 3 Responses Dec 23, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Having a rough day? Just in case you've had a

    rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works. 1. Picture yourself near a stream. 2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. 3. No one but you knows your secret place. 4...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 3 Responses Dec 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man goes into a drug store

    and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What the heck did you do that for?!!" the man screams. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" The man says, "No I don't, but my wife...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A nun was in a hurry on her way to her job at

    the local Catholic Charity Hospital when her car suddenly runs out of gas. Luckily, she was only a block and a half from a gas station, so she got out of her car and quickly walked there. At the station, she asked the attendent to give her a quart of gasoline so that she could...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 2 Responses Dec 23, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the

    Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward,pointing my finger at the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap

    and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Dec 25, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A little boy came home with his parents from

    church one Sunday. He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would like to talk about. He told his mother "Well, we were singing songs and the teacher made us sing about a poor bear named Gladly that needed glasses...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An old riddle that a friend of mine told me a

    long, long time ago: What can't go up the chimney up, but can go down the chimney down, What can't go down the chimney up, but can go up the chimney down?
    BetterWithThree BetterWithThree 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man walks in a bank,

    pulls out a gun, and robs the bank... Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies, "YES!" The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him in the head and kills him! He then moves to the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Are Just Happier People!

    What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all theirs. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. They can be President. They can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell them the...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 11 Responses Dec 29, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Couple....

    .....is shopping in the mall for hours. The wife turns to talk to her husband and realizes he’s nowhere in sight. Angry, she calls his cell phone and asks where he disappeared to. “Honey,” he says, “remember that jewelry store we walked by a few years ago, and you loved...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 2 Responses Jul 16, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q: Why did the blond climb the glass wall?

    A: To see what was on the other side.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q: Why didn't Cain please God?

    A: Because he just wasn't Able.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man took his wife to the rodeo

    and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 3 Responses Dec 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A policeman pulled a car over

    and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 27, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Polish Man

    A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was NOT perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on...
    HedoZen HedoZen 41-45, F 9 Responses Sep 14, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel