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I Like Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 261 People

    Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly bear! One guy takes off his hiking boots and puts on some running shoes! His friend says to him...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M a week ago

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    Why did the chicken crops the road... I don't know I'm cuckoo
    JustWantToTalkAmBored JustWantToTalkAmBored 13-15, M Mar 19

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    One day a girl came home crying to her mom. The mom asked what was wrong. The girl responded, "I'm not a creation, God made men first! I'm nothing!" Then the mom said, "Oh baby...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 18

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    Frozen Window.. Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.” Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it.” Wife...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 30

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    Low MarksMother: Why did you get such a low marks on that test?Junior: Because of absence.Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?Junior: No, but the kid who sits...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Dec 28, 2013

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    You know you need a new lawyer when: 1. He tries to sell you Amway products at the first client meeting. 2. When he enters the courtroom, the DA and the judge high-five each...
    TandSMichael TandSMichael 51-55, M 1 Response Mar 21

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    The next two require you to read them with the appropriate accent: Michael, a Donegal man, goes for a job on a building site, the foreman says all he has to do is answer two...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 28

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    Man and Wife in Heaven A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 22

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    A Couple.... - .....is shopping in the mall for hours. The wife turns to talk to her husband and realizes he’s nowhere in sight. Angry, she calls his cell phone and asks where he...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 3 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    For Those Over 70 - I am not in the over 70 group, but someone sent this to me and I thought it was funny. Hopefully you will too.       Should I Really Join Facebook...
    climber1 climber1 61-65, M 3 Responses Sep 5, 2013

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    Q: Why do hummingbirds hum? A: Because they don't know the words. Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink? A: To a crow bar. Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    Meat and Potatoes My grandfather is a meat and potatoes guy. Once, while getting dinner ready, I asked how he liked his vegetables prepared. He said, "Fed to a cow, so they...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2013

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    Habits The Indian groom says to his bride on the wedding night, "I want to confess that I had 15 love affairs before we got married." The bride instead of getting upset, said...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jan 12

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    What's the difference between a civil engineer and an aerospace engineer? Aerospace engineer's build weapons, civil engineers build targets!
    LockieLeonard LockieLeonard 46-50, M Apr 6

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    What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and legs.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 28

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    Rocky One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 22

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    Son of A Lawyer While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted. "My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 14

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    Glad I Am Not A Car...
    climber1 climber1 61-65, M 5 Responses Jul 15, 2013

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    There are two secrets to success: 1) don't reveal everything you know 2)
    mierdamundo mierdamundo 31-35 Feb 7

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    Fly vs. Mosquito What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 28

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    What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large. *badum tss*
    FluffyStuff FluffyStuff 18-21 Mar 15

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    I'd sleep my way to the top but my alarm keeps waking me up.
    Westcoaster42 Westcoaster42 41-45 Mar 23

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    Heavenly Marital Help - Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Two guys are hiking in the Yukon when a couple of mosquitoes fly out of the woods, knock them down, and sit on them. One mosquito says to the other, "Do you think we should take...
    pattyhard pattyhard 51-55, T 6 days ago

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    Random Thoughts - Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. How come Superman could stop bullets...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Gimme All Your MoneyA man was walking down a street in Washington. A man walking behind him suddenly pulled out a gun and said, "Gimme all your money, now!"The victim said, "You...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 27, 2013

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    Undeniable Adult Truths -   Undeniable Adult Truths   1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.   2...
    climber1 climber1 61-65, M 8 Responses Jul 31, 2013

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    A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed "Dear Lord, I go to work every...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jan 25

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    The Pope and the President... During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 2

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    Why I Like To Get Behind Men At The ATM -       A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines...
    climber1 climber1 61-65, M 6 Responses Aug 6, 2013

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    A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 6 days ago

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    What Do You Get... - ...when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac? … a person who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F Aug 12, 2013

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    The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 31

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    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 31

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    Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 24

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    How many software customer-support people does it take to change a light bulb ? What makes you think the problem is with the light bulb? Have you tried reinstalling your house's...
    LockieLeonard LockieLeonard 46-50, M Apr 6

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    Oranges - A young teenage girl was a prostitute and for obvious reasons kept it secret from her grandma. One day the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes...
    FortressV FortressV 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 14, 2013

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    What did the wave say to the beach... Nothing he just waved ;)
    JustWantToTalkAmBored JustWantToTalkAmBored 13-15, M 1 Response Mar 17

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    "Tell me" said the tourist to the local yokel. "Will this path take me to the main road?" "No sir!", replied the man. "You'll have to go by yourself!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 1

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    How do you make 100 old ladies yell, "F***!" at the same time? Have another one of them yell, "BINGO!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 15

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    A man walks up to this woman on the street and says "How about a date. The woman says " January 28, 1945
    ALincoln5 ALincoln5 66-70, M Feb 5

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    How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? NONE, they never get the house!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 29

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    INSTALLING HUSBAND A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in...
    poisonlady poisonlady 31-35, F 4 Responses Mar 26

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    If a woman can't cook! He need to find a man that can't eat. I don't know if exist!
    Bluejec19 Bluejec19 41-45, F 2 Responses Feb 7

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    Card NightA woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30.One night she decided to try...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 29, 2013

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    Q: Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow? A: Because he didn't want to fall into the hot chocolate.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 24

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    The Divorce Lawyer - Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged man standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    A Man.... - ....goes into the Job Center in downtown Denver and sees an ad for a gynecologist’s assistant. Interested, he asks the clerk for details. The clerk says, “The job...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 3 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    Q: Why do hens lay eggs? A: If they dropped them, they'd break. Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels. Q...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    My Memory An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears. "Doctor, my memory's gone. Gone! I can't remember...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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